I'm really beginning to dislike my father.

[FrostyFireMage]

He is incredibly impatient, short-tempered and anxious. Whenever I show something less than complete enthusiasm for something I have to do he goes off on a tangent about how I'm "ungrateful" and other BS, despite practically being a non-entity in my childhood. He always takes his frustration over his social problems (which I inherited, apparently) out on me because I'm too civilized to yell back. He always repeats the same things over and over until you're sick to death of it, and reacts aggressively when you call attention to it. He's old-fashioned to the point where he thinks it's my fault I can't get a job despite the fact that the economy is currently in the shithole.

Granted, he's in his mid-60s (he was in his mid-40s when I was born), so a little senility is to be expected, but I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with him. I know this sounds like I'm being ungrateful and shallow, and I'm feeling ashamed to be admitting all of this, but he really is grating on my last nerve.

[MacLovin]

Keep in mind he comes from a completely different generation and probobly worked hard all his life to get where he is without any breaks.

I know how it feels, since my pops is old enough to remember the times before television was invented. Only dif is that he never yells or gets upset when I don't agree. Perhaps your old man has health problems and is constantly aching all over.

Patience, otherwise you'll regret being bratty to your old man when he passes on.

[Magical CC]

Still better than my father, really. Life goes on, feel free to express your feeling in a civilized way but dont let it goes to your head.

[Djeets]

thats much better than parents that mocks your meaning of life and can't accept any smallest mistake.

At least your parents doesn't get tempered for nonsense things and are not nonsense that it would piss you off otherwise,,

reality bites, so bite harder

[Steampunk]

Family members drive each other crazy all the time. If he's in his sixties, arthritis, forgetfulness, and other age-related issues probably aren't helping his temper either. My mother's deaf, and she always lashes out at my father and I because she can't hear us and that's somehow our fault. Really though, she's just frustrated with herself because she can't hear. She also hurts all the time with joint and bone issues, and was raised in a time when people weren't supposed to show weakness: so she tries to hide it and compensates with aggressiveness any time a "weakness" becomes apparent.

Honestly, being old sucks. The only advantage it had was that is people listened to you. People don't anymore, so getting old kinda sucks on every level now. Well, except for senior discounts I suppose. Those are still in effect in the US.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Sheik

[Knife]

Dads are the coolest. You just got a shitty one, it happens.

Let's have another discussion: Why are parents more popular with the child of the opposite gender?

You hardly ever hear of daddy's boys or mama girls.

[Silver Lightning]

That really sucks for you, but I feel like that's still way better than mine, who tries to wrest my siblings and I from my mothers custody just because he sees us as possessions rather than people and because he wants nothing more than to see my mom suffer for doing god knows what when it was he who cheated on her and ran out of the family....

Its best just to get through it for now until adulthood (not sure how old you are?), because at least then its harder for him to talk down to you since you should be getting better respect with your independence, especially if you can show how mature you are in doing things to help better your life on your own. In my case at least, it meant that I couldn't be fought over like an object in family custody court anymore. Things will look up, I'm sure, for all of us in this dreadful economy some day in some way or form....just keep at it.

[Paulina]

Aaaah, so much love in this thread. ^^"

OP, I can completely relate. My dad is 65, and we have almost all of those problems (I'm going to school full time, so I haven't had to deal with the job shaming). I think people start to get curmudgeonly and disenchanted at that age. I dunno your specific situation, but I can completely empathize.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Paulina

[Lord Raven]

I know this sounds like I'm being ungrateful and shallow, and I'm feeling ashamed to be admitting all of this, but he really is grating on my last nerve.

You are. Take a step back and think about why he's saying what he's saying, and realize he's not doing it to spite you or annoy you, it's probably because he genuinely cares and doesnt want to see his son doing absolutely nothing from his POV.

[Rehab]

I disagree, Raven.

The guy deserves exactly as much respect as the work he puts into helping you grow. Not everybody grows the same way, and if all interacting with him feels like is him rubbing your face in dirt, you're not just going to wake up one day and suddenly "get it" and see a huge return on all the times he made you feel like shit. The cycle has to be broken somehow.

If you have any school resources to go to, counseling offices etc., you can try going to them, and can ask if they have any family therapy material/references available.

[Klokinator]

You hardly ever hear of daddy's boys or mama girls.

That's called normal. When boys act like their fathers, they become normal males, and vice versa for girls.

[Lord Raven]

I disagree, Raven.

The guy deserves exactly as much respect as the work he puts into helping you grow. Not everybody grows the same way, and if all interacting with him feels like is him rubbing your face in dirt, you're not just going to wake up one day and suddenly "get it" and see a huge return on all the times he made you feel like shit. The cycle has to be broken somehow.

I don't know the situation myself, but my dad didn't put much work into helping me grow and did the same kind of crap to me in high school that the OP is describing. It doesn't mean he doesn't pay the bills and at the same time, it doesn't mean he is/wasn't concerned either, considering he didn't have the time to help me grow on account of working either 2 jobs or working like 12-14 hours a day to support all 5 of us (for reference, before we moved when I was 14, my dad would often leave home at like 9-10am, drive for an hour, then get home at 2-3am after another hour's drive every single day with barely any vacation days because he owns a restaurant, doing this all while he had cancer; he yelled at me a lot during high school and I took it simply because he had no time to get to know me, although I did snap a few times). You can't just say "my dad was barely in my life" without providing some context, in other words, not saying the OP's dad is like mine but still.

But I don't know the OP's life, all he's saying is the issue at hand and not placing any context outside of "well my dad wasn't there for me when I was little up until now." I don't know the extent to which the dad is harassing and it may be a possibility that the OP has a warped view of what he's doing too. At any rate, the OP is also like 21 and without a job; if I were a parent I would be pissed as well, economy in the dump or not. Unless they were in school, but that's once again something most parents yell at their kids for during college; wasting the summers doing nothing considering internship opportunities and etc (though internship opportunities are long gone short of asking a professor at your university for research).

There's a million and one angles to this whole debate and I'm not going to get into any single one of them, but I don't think you should take everything someone complains about at face value. Just my two cents, and I don't claim to know the OP's life one single bit (aside from anything that I can imply based on strong evidence from the OP). From my point of view, it sounds like a typical complaint about their father that actually many people go through, so I'm not going to take the OP's side or go against them. I'm just going to leave this post out there so maybe they can respond to me and tell me I'm wrong. My perception tells me otherwise until then.

You don't need to get it instantaneously either. Give it time, but don't close your mind off to it either lol

[Paulina]

That's called normal. When boys act like their fathers, they become normal males, and vice versa for girls.

Hwhoooooah. ^^" So...in a rhetorical situation, let's say my mother is a hard-ass -- assertive, un-empathetic, etc. Let's say the father is timid, sensitive, physically affectionate, etc. Emulating which one will make me a "normal female"? (Sorry for the slight derailment, OP. I just have to press that comment~)

[MacLovin]

Klok is probobly someone with a more "old fashioned" mindset.

Uh, we've all had to deal with parents being a bit overbearing or cranky. They're probobly trying everything they can to ensure you have a better life than they had.

[Phoenix Wright]

Have you tried, I dunno, talking to him? Obviously not while he's in a bad mood, but if you're the only one that thinks something is wrong (because he most likely does not), you have to let that person know.

For personal reasons, it really hurts to see and hear of people who have bad relationships with their fathers--especially when the issues can be resolved with a little bonding time and communication. Talk to the man, he probably wants you too (and with your description of him, it doesn't sound like he's all that happy right now). Get him something for father's day--show him that you care too. Once a child and parent are at certain ages, it's not just about the parent being there when the child needs it, but also the child being there when the parent needs it.

Form a relationship with your old man, before it's too late.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Phoenix Wright

[BluBlaDe]

Pretty much the same with every parents. As Aquaman said they are coming from a completely different generation where hard work and honesty were rewarded.

My parents are the same. You cannot, YOU CANNOT explains your points logically to old-school unfashioned people, they don't work that way. Your father probably has a job he kept for a long time but if he was slacked off in today's world he's probably understand how hard it is to find jobs these days.

If your father did the exact same stuff he did in his time in today's world he'd probably be working at a minimum wage job and would TOTALLY understand your point.

Anyway you should not be embarassed to be seen in public with him. Who the fuck cares about random people that you'll never see again? You should care more about your father than social etiquette.

Try to act like you care about what he tells you. Your dad may want you to succeed or maybe not but he wants to feel good about at least trying to help you. Try to sound grateful even though deep down you know he has no clue of what he's talking about. It's what magical about Internet : For the first time in history children are wiser than their own parents.

Or maybe your father is sick and tired of having you live at home and wants you to get the fuck out without hurting your feelings. This here is one of the main reason why having kids fucking sucks : You have to support them for like more than 20 years and most if not all parents aren't prepared to do that and they are tired of it.

They will be resenting you in a passive-aggressive way.

But don't call them on that, the truth hurts. It's like telling an ugly girl that she's ugly. You won't accomplish anything and look like a jackass.

[Phoenix Wright]

Try to act like you care about what he tells you. Your dad may want you to succeed or maybe not but he wants to feel good about at least trying to help you. Try to sound grateful even though deep down you know he has no clue of what he's talking about. It's what magical about Internet : For the first time in history children are wiser than their own parents.

This isn't true at all...

[Steampunk]

You cannot, YOU CANNOT explains your points logically to old-school unfashioned people, they don't work that way.

This statement shows quite perfectly how teen logic works. Someone else is the problem. The teen is never at fault. The OP has the same type of thinking: the father is just an asshole. The OP is completely innocent and never does anything wrong. The OP doesn't provoke the father in any way: he's just a douche. That's probably why older people don't listen to teen logic. It pretty much boils down to the teen ducking any responsibility and shifting blame on to someone else.

It's what magical about Internet : For the first time in history children are wiser than their own parents.

Not really. Children think they know more about life, but there's no Wiki that substitutes for actual life experience. The fact that children think they know more about the world than someone who's lived in it for many years shows me they aren't wiser and they won't likely be wiser in the future. All the internet does is help children fool themselves in to thinking they know more than someone with a steady income who has spent many years living in the real world.

[Kay]

Children might know more about some subjects, but that's not the same as wisdom.

[Lord Raven]

Furthermore, only with a select few things are children ever really wiser. If you're talking life experience and what the world expects from you, arguably an incredibly important thing, then your parents are all-knowing to some extent, and in many ways that's far more important.

[-Cynthia-]

Furthermore, only with a select few things are children ever really wiser. If you're talking life experience and what the world expects from you, arguably an incredibly important thing, then your parents are all-knowing to some extent, and in many ways that's far more important.

I think that's giving parents and older people in general far too much credit. They're fallible human beings with relatively limited experience (in that they've never truly been in their child's situation, even if they think they have).

[BluBlaDe]

Exactly Cynthia.

They have absolutely no freaking clue on how things are these days and they tell their children they know moar about it then them.

That's being ignorant/hypocrite.

Children ARE wiser than their own parents with Internet. Look up Captain Capitalism, MrMoneyMustache, and any other blogs on the issue, really, these are stuff that adults usually don't read especially if they are old-fashioned and don't even use Internet.

Sure if Children spend their time on Facebook ( no clue how many people are on this shit) and all the others time wasters than they will be even more ignorant than their parents.

Age =/= Being wise

So your dad tells you that he majored in X subject and it's a good thing? Try to find someone that actually did it and ask them. Most of the time parents give the bullshit common wisdom advice which is BAD

[Steampunk]

They have absolutely no freaking clue on how things are these days and they tell their children they know moar about it then them.

That's being ignorant/hypocrite.

I'm sure they know more than you think. My parents were far more politically and economically savvy than I was when I was in high school. They knew a lot more about how the world works than I did. Hypocritical? Maybe. Perhaps they are telling you something because they don't want you making the same mistakes. Hypocrisy does not invalidate what they say: only a complete moron thinks like that. If a smoker tells me that smoking is bad for my health, I'd have to be some kind of idiot to say "You smoke, so you're clearly wrong!"

Children ARE wiser than their own parents with Internet. Look up Captain Capitalism, MrMoneyMustache, and any other blogs on the issue, really, these are stuff that adults usually don't read especially if they are old-fashioned and don't even use Internet.

A perfect example of teen logic if I ever saw it: "Mommy and Daddy are from a simpler time and don't know their asses from a hole in the ground, but I'm more than happy to listen to advice from other people from their generation." Mr. Money Mustache retired when he was thirty years old. This isn't a teenager giving financial advice to a teenager. This is a grown man using his life experience (or wisdom if you want) to counsel other people in how to get where he is (and possibly beyond). How is that any different from what your parents do when they tell you what degree to study or what friends to hang out with? Oh, right: teens don't like being told what to do. Doesn't matter if its good advice, the fact that you're told to do it means you don't want to. You justify not doing it by brushing it off as old-fashioned, outdated nonsense from people who don't know what it's like in today's world. You're quite happy to listen to the internet diary of a complete stranger on how to manage money, but ignore two people who have an invested interest in you being happy and succeeding in life with the same amount of life experience (if not more)? Makes perfect sense, right?

Age =/= Being wise

It's no guarantee, that's for sure. It is a good metric though. Experience is what builds wisdom. Age is usually a factor in how much experience a person has. I don't see any 19 year old Senior Trade Analysts working for the World Bank. Haven't found any records of the US Secretary of State being fifteen years of age. I'm noticing a pattern here. Then again, I'm sure a 17 year old could do a better job of running Microsoft than a crotchety old man who smells like peppermint with 50 years experience in running corporations. #sarcasm

So your dad tells you that he majored in X subject and it's a good thing? Try to find someone that actually did it and ask them. Most of the time parents give the bullshit common wisdom advice which is BAD

It's only bullshit common wisdom if that's the way you see it. I look back on many things my parents told me that I thought was stupid. I see now there was a good reason them telling me. Your father tells you he majored in something, god a job working in that field, and is able to pay the bills and support a family. How is that not a good thing?

They're fallible human beings with relatively limited experience (in that they've never truly been in their child's situation, even if they think they have).

Absolutely. Parent's aren't omniscient or psychic and are wrong about many things too. I think they understand the nature of their children's problems better than kids think they do though.

Edited June 13, 2013 by Sheik

[Doga]

Saying that age and life experiences don't make your wiser than those who lack it is a clear sign of not being wise.

I can't tell you how many times throughout my adolescence I made mistakes that my father warned me about ahead of time, because I ignored his advice since my head was up my ass.

More on topic: Be grateful you have a father though, I know plenty of guys without them. Like Ike or Eliwood, or most any other Fire Emblem lord.

Edited June 13, 2013 by Doga

[Eltishan]

Almost sounds like my dad, to be honest. -_-'

He's a complete perfectionist who sacrificed his dream job to move to the United States, and then wants nothing less from his child, so he harasses them with everything from career to hobbies. He's pretty anti-social too, and my mom is his best-friend, actually. :\ He gets angry at me when I don't have many friends, but he's always told me I never needed them to begin with. Ugh... Parents...will always be critical, but we'll pull through.