General Banzai Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Story Ta da, here's the feedback thread. Please don't post in the main thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darros Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Haha, I've found this very entertaining so far. I hope you follow through with this all the way. You're missing a [/b] there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 17:56 Anouleth writing bad sex jokes 17:57 Anouleth about rape 17:57 Dark_Sage what did i walk in on 17:57 BRShooter wonder how much weed he bought 17:57 Anouleth http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=31250 17:57 Dark_Sage rape jokes in the first sentence? 17:57 Dark_Sage goddammit 17:58 the a main character full, brshooter 17:58 BRShooter lol 17:58 Dark_Sage you know i wish people would realize 17:58 Dark_Sage that making bad sex jokes and writing random shit does not make you funny 17:59 Anouleth SEE IT'S FUNNY HE CALLS HER TANYA BUT HER NAME IS ACTUALLY ANTONIO AND SHE TELLS HIM BUT HE IGNORES HER 18:00 Anouleth "Hey sis, give me my Hero Axe! 18:00 Anouleth I pawned it to sustain my heroin addiction." 18:00 Anouleth hahaha 18:00 Anouleth so funny 18:00 Anouleth just like in that Dane Cook special 18:00 *** hinako\study is now known as hinako 18:02 Dark_Sage Dane Cook? 18:02 Anouleth he's the least funny comedian in the wrolld Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Ah, then you probably won't like Chapter 2 either. Thanks for the feedback in either case, I'll be sure to take it into account for future chapters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 This actually reminds me a little of The Legend of Shining Pikablu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 This actually reminds me a little of The Legend of Shining Pikablu. I'm unfamiliar with that. I expected comparisons to GhebFE, based on your complaints of it. Which of course would make me qq, because I'm not too fond of GhebFE. I do appreciate the criticisms however. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxas Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Probably one of the best things to have ever graced the Written Works subforum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 It's better than the first one, which is saying. . .not much. I remember my Random Lemmings, and shudder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokinator Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) What's REALLY funny is that I've never actually played Thracia untranslated, so I'm pretending this is a literal translation of the game. Makes it SOOOOOO much better xD Seriously though, fuck the haters. This is golden. My god I am dying here. Edit: Finished it. Damn I want more, I'm addicted now. Edited March 21, 2012 by Klokinator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 There's funny, and then there's random for the sake of being random. It's a hard balance, but if you learn how to do it right, it works. Problem is, this isn't the right balance. Call me a hater for disagreeing with you, but I think this needs more humor and less random for the sake of being random. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 There's funny, and then there's random for the sake of being random. It's a hard balance, but if you learn how to do it right, it works. Problem is, this isn't the right balance. Call me a hater for disagreeing with you, but I think this needs more humor and less random for the sake of being random. Oh, I definitely understand. That you feel this story has too much random is a legitimate complaint and means I'm not doing my job right. I'll try to fix that in later chapters, although you'll probably see random elements continue for the next four or so chapters as I've already written them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 IMO, humor must have an element of truth. I think Leaf had something going, but then he was eliminated from the story. Fin might be on the right track. Everyone else. . .not really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 IMO, humor must have an element of truth. I think Leaf had something going, but then he was eliminated from the story. Fin might be on the right track. Everyone else. . .not really. I find humor in the perversion of truth. The world of this story is like a surreal counterpart to the actual Thracia game, in which everyone is off in some way or another. Sometimes I take that "off"ness too far and the humor gets random and reliant on rape. Hopefully I can reign that in somewhat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Othin Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) Personally, I like this surreal kind of humor, but it's not for everyone. Edited March 21, 2012 by Othin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I don't mind surreal or off-the-wall humour. But there's stuff like 18:00 Anouleth "Hey sis, give me my Hero Axe! 18:00 Anouleth I pawned it to sustain my heroin addiction." I don't even understand what the joke is supposed to be. Oh, that wacky sister with her non-sequitur HEROIN ADDICTION! What crazy hijinks will she get up to next, huh? That's just what the Simpsons was always missing; a heroin addict! I love the bit where she gets killed robbing a convenience store; it always cracks me up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 I don't mind surreal or off-the-wall humour. But there's stuff like 18:00 Anouleth "Hey sis, give me my Hero Axe! 18:00 Anouleth I pawned it to sustain my heroin addiction." I don't even understand what the joke is supposed to be. Oh, that wacky sister with her non-sequitur HEROIN ADDICTION! What crazy hijinks will she get up to next, huh? That's just what the Simpsons was always missing; a heroin addict! I love the bit where she gets killed robbing a convenience store; it always cracks me up! It was actually set up when Othin said that Halvan's sister was literally a whore. Because, you know, whores and their heroin, amirite or amirite? The whole idea is, of course, to contrast the innocent face sprite of Halvan's sister, complete with freckles and ponytails, with the terse and abrupt "I pawned it to sustain my heroin addiction." It's a contradiction to what people expect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Oh my lord. This is funny, and still surreal. I can imagine an fe6/7 version of this........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Othin Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 The FE7 version was the original. Don't ask about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 Yeah it was pretty primitive, I wrote it when I was 14. I've also done a FESS, PoR, and FESD version, all of which were better than the FE7 version, although the FESS version had a slow start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Othin Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) FE9 doesn't count. Didn't you stop after Ch2 or so? Edited March 22, 2012 by Othin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Banzai Posted March 22, 2012 Author Share Posted March 22, 2012 FE9 doesn't count. Didn't you stop after Ch2 or so? Ch 9 actually, meaning I got a third of the way through. It's still on NS2 if you wanna look it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Othin Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Huh. I must have missed that, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokinator Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Okay... chapter 2 is pretty bad. If you have more chapters, I think you should really rethink posting them here as of now. I didn't think this chapter was very funny at all. See, the last chapters had some sex jokes, calling Mareeta/Blonde chick a whore, okay maybe a little too far, but chapter 2 was entirely about sex, really over the top. Not only that, but I don't think we need child rape in the story either. I hope chapter 3 is more palatable xP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I didn't read through most of the new stuff, but I noticed one thing that made me laugh: Othin: In Berwick Saga we don't have shit like this. *Twenty page explanation of fog of war in Berwick Saga* Othin: In conclusion, Berwick Saga. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I learned from this fic if I major in English in college, I get to learn how to write bad sexual fanfiction. Sounds pretty sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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