Let's Play! X-COM: UFO DEFENSE

[IGdood]

From what I've heard armor does shit in this game. Offense is the best defense here....

[Integrity]

TACTICAL update!

If you care, the reason the updates are designated such is because XCOM actually switches between two applications. GEOSCAPE is the name of the globe, TACTICAL is the name for combat. The more you know!

----------

Let's do this shit. Aight. You can see here how dark the night is in XCOM. Incidentally, the aliens aren't affected by the dark one whit. Fuck them.

And the tank is IMMEDIATELY set upon by reaction fire. Awesome!

Twice.

Soren misses six shots spectacularly.

And then SirTeabag kills them both in one turn.

This is Pride's shiny new icon denoting that he's a Sergeant!

And SirTeabag is dead? Fuck the what?

Between the shock of losing SirTeabag and the fact that there are psionics on this map OF FUCKING COURSE, Spectakitty has panicked. There are four frames of mind one can be in:

Sound, the individual is okay.

Panicked, the individual drops all his gear and loses all his TUs. Occasionally they'll use them all running around at random.

Berzerk, the individual begins attacking whatever's nearby with all his TUs. Luckily, Berzerk usually happens after Panick, therefore after the individual has dropped all his gear.

Mind Controlled. You don't want this.

Check it out near the top. A rare image of a wild X-COM AGENT in the process of dying! Not dead yet, but actively dying! RIP, Cybaster.

Notice all the fucking up of the entire landscape Soren's pathetic shooting has done.

This is the use medkit screen. I brought it up to restore Kitty's bravery, but forgot it wouldn't work. The options:

Heal fixes a Fatal Wound. When you sustain injuries, you usually sustain Fatal Wounds or die. Fatal Wounds continue to bleed until they're healed by a medkit or you die. Aliens don't suffer from Fatal Wounds, the whores.

Stimulant restores Energy to an adjacent soldier.

Pain Killer restore Bravery, but it does so in a funny fashion. It restores up to the amount of Health LOST in Bravery. Ergo, if Nolan were at half-health, a Pain Killer would restore up to 20 of his Bravery. Catch is, you can't restore those 20 points of Health in Bravery again. Kitty is uninjured, so the Medkit doesn't help.

I kill an alien. :D

The second stage of Panic. Thanks, Kitty. Incidentally, every turn spent in the Panic Zone (as I call it), whether you Panic or go Berzerk or nothing, raises your Bravery at the end of the mission.

A very real hazard in cityscape maps is civilians. In these kinds of maps, what usually happens is they step RIGHT IN FRONT OF NOLAN and block his movement. If you shoot them, you lose even more points than if the aliens had killed them.

First we say "Yay Pride!" then we say "fucking what he survived that?!"

Alien shoots at tank; Soren kills alien. Competence?!

Kitty's recovered her wits now, and doesn't have a gun. Since Soren is right near some bodies I'll just have him throw his. First shot is a before, second shot is the miraculous PERFECT THROW! You can barely see the rifle under Kitty's feet.

And she equips it. Kitty, my 5'4" white-as-a-dove sister, is actually a black man. What?

This is the result of a non-fatal wound. Soren loots a Medkit and goes over to save him but it turns out he was only stunned. He'll wake up after the mission unless his corpse blows up.

FFFFU-

That's a Hoverdisc. They're alien tanks. They take too many goddamn hits and shoot plasma weapons back at you. Also, they fly and-

Kill Pride.

And Soren.

Turns and turns and turns later, we bring the fucking thing down. It's just me, Kitty, and the tank now. Did I mention that when they die they EXPLODE VIOLENTLY? This can actually be a good thing, because the explosion is powerful enough to kill, well, Hoverdiscs. Chain reaction, baby!

SUDDENLY SECTOID

He dies, the one to the south who randomly popped up also dies, and that last fucker in the park has no weapons. He still takes three turns of continuous shooting from me and the tank before Kitty gets over and hits it twice in a row.

----------

At least we got an OK rating?

Yellow-dot-Skyranger leaves Buenos Aires for Echidnation, heavy of heart.

----------

We left Echidnation a proud band of seven and a tank, ready to respond to Christian Slater's distress signal. We leave but three and also a tank. Was it worth it? I hope so. I really hope so.

[Specta]

OH NO... er... EVERYBODY! D:

and oh no my mental health?

Yowza. I ... don't think we successfully avenged Balcerzak. Sorry, man.

Edited August 13, 2010 by Spectakitty

[Integrity]

Incidental mini-stats update, since it's fun and there are only three of us:

Nolan is still a level 4 Medic.

Kitty was promoted from a level 1 Sniper to a level 2 Sniper.

Integrity was promoted from a level 1 Assault to a level 4 Heavy.

[Soren37]

Awww...I died...and missed a lot...oh well.

If you need another Red-shirt name, you can call him Spock.

[IGdood]

When do new recruits come in?

By the way, I love your writing style. Heheh... "fuck them." Sounds like cracked.com's style

[Integrity]

I should have one recruit incoming in the next Geoscape update. Depending on alien activity, the next batch to replace the Buenos Aires Raid the Horrible Event of January 25th might show up too.

[Integrity]

Recruits are here, and so is a GEOSCAPE update! Ten hyphens will now follow this line.

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First thing we see is the completion of a LARGE RADAR ROOM! You can see it on the top-right of the main portion (read: non-hangar) of the base. Right underneath it is the Small Radar Station, which I shall now tear down and replace with some Living Quarters.

I leave this poor guy alive and crashlanded because I don't fancy attacking a crash site with three agents and a tank. No-sir-ee.

First one batch, then the second arrive. Stats will follow at the end of this update.

And February 1st rolls by.

This is the XCOM Analysis Window. In it, we get updates on our standings with various world powers. What affects the funding is the score and rating in the top right. What affects that rating is the ratings we get after missions (which you've seen) plus bonuses for shooting down or destroying UFOs. Everybody is happy with us, which means we get our typical funding plus an extra 645 Gs. Thanks, my homies in USA, RUSSIA, UK, FRANCE, GERMANY, ITALY, SPAIN, JAPAN, INDIA, AUSTRALIA and EGYPT.

-----------

Dosh! Grab it while it's hot!

I do, and found Inn'n'Out in roughly Switzerland to cover as much of Europe as possible.

Fuck yes! Time to send out our new batch of recruits and -

Aw, man.

The Laser Rifles I queued up produce one-by-one, but you get a popup when the total production is complete. This means I've totally phased out Rifles in favor of Laser Rifles, which aren't impressively better but they're totally independent of ammo. Good for, again, you maggots who can't shoot straight to save your momma's lives.

!

Stop-motion of everything that happened in the next roughly two weeks.

----------

A Large UFO approches! That usually means a Terror Ship. Hmm. Let's Intercept it.

Hurt it, didn't kill it. At least the Interceptor survived. Let's shadow it and get the second Interceptor out so it can assist.

INTERCEPTOR-2 IS--

Goddammit Slater, AGAIN? Oh well.

Fuck me, nighttime AGAIN? Kiss your asses goodbye, drafteesrecruits.

----------

SO FOLKS, IN CLOSING: Kitty has the Plasma Rifle. With the death of Pride I've been promoted to Heavy Cannon. The rest of you are carrying Laser Rifles and - if you're lucky - a grenade or medkit.

POLLS TIME:

Heavy Plasma and Heavy Plasma Clip are inevitably going to finish. When they do, I'm to go for more offense (at my discretion), more defense (at my discretion), or SCIENCE?

Also, having founded Inn'n'Out I need moar base names. Fire them off, nothing's too dumb for my bases.

----------

STATS:

[spoiler=Skitarii's stats]

This guy makes me laugh to look at. MAXED Health and BOTTOMED Bravery. He's gonna be a TOUGH motherfucker who panics at the first sign of danger. Everything else is middle to mid-low.

[spoiler=Cybaster's new stats]

Average. Stats all from middle-high to middle-low - except TUs, which is suck.

[spoiler=BlackJak's stats]

An RL friend of mine I recruited for lack of redshirts.

Overall good to great stats, except a terrible Firing Accuracy. Perfect Reflexes though, which combined with terrible accuracy is sure to be

[spoiler=Balcerzak's new stats and name]

Balcerzak II didn't even near fit, sorry bro.

Middling all about, but rather good Firing Accuracy. Good. I need more of those.

[spoiler=Pride's new stats]

Great Throwing Accuracy and Strength. Hooray, and by hooray I mean wtfever. I miss Pride I.

[spoiler=Joey's stats]

Flat above-average across the board, with no stats in the upper echelon. His lowest stat is STR, which is flat middle for what recruits can have. A worth successor to SirTeabag.

[spoiler=Soren's new stats]

Very middle-of-the-line, except with almost-perfect Strength marred by SHIT Reactions.

[IGdood]

Hahahaahaha! Sweets! Three cheers to my impending doom!

[Integrity]

BIG-ASS TACTICAL update!

----------

First off: I still need your suggestions for Agents and Bases. With the founding of Inn'n'Out I'm bingo on names, and I'll need soldiers to at least staff Inn'n'Out, so keep 'em rolling in.

Second off: I totally hit Post by accident. This space will be updated momentarily.

----------

Let's do this, X-COM.

That orange guy up there is called a ...um, hang on.

Reaper. Hoverdiscs are the Sectoid Terror Unit; these are the Floater Terror Unit. Terror Units only show up in Terror Ships and Terror Missions. Also, bases, but we aren't there yet. Anyway, they take up 4 squares like a tank, are pretty fast but can only melee. They're also dumb as fuck and usually prefer to run around back and forth instead of eating BlackJak (see later)

They're also tough motherfuckers. This first one took a firing squad of FIVE Agents, and was finished by Kitty's Plasma Rifle.

And another one. Whee! The good news is, the massive amounts of fire they take is actually good for one reason:

Firing Accuracy is improved by landing shots, not by killing. If each of those five Agents got a hit in on the Reaper, well ....

I prefer them to Hoverdiscs and actually most of the Terror Units, at least.

Make that two more.

---------

Oh dear. I believe he survived.

Kitty brings down a second Reaper.

Those, my friends, are Floaters. They're less durable than Sectoids, but they can fly. All of them.

Pride wins.

Tank meet, Tank kill, Tank find another Reaper AHHHHHHHH

PRIDE ASSAULTS A WAREHOUSE FULL OF BOXES

And that's ...uh, either Joey or Soren. Oh well.

And I've been stunned. Sonofabitch.

Reaper: meet Balcerzak. Balcerzak: meet the devastated landscape. Good thing there isn't a penalty for property damage.

Well, that's the other one of Joey or Soren.

And that's Pride.

----------

IT FLIES

And Balcerzak kills it with one shot from, I shit you not, like three fucking screens away.

OH JESUS

Haha, killed it and OH FUCK REACTION FIRE DODGING SKILLS

OH JESUS

DIE DIE DIE FUCK AHHHHHH YOU AND THAT PATCH OF PAVEMENT BEHIND YOU

----------

Bonus points if you can tell me what this screenshot is of because fuck if I know.

Sneaky Tank is hunting awiens. shhhhh.

Nolan died behind that wall. RIP bro.

FUUUUUCK

Seven of nine shots later, it's dead. Whew. 60 TUs burned on pure shooting.

Run, shoot, kill. I like the new Balcerzak.

Something REALLY fascinating must be going on in the back of that garage.

BlackJak's random fire either made this really awesome or REALLY awkward for Skitarii.

BALCERZAK, BREACH THE WAREHOUSE OF BOXES AND SEAR-

There was actually something here?

Oh well, it's dead now.

----------

RATING: GOOD!

What the fuck, multiplied by 14, equals 45? Weird points system.

Sergeant Me, Yo. As it should be.

And we fly home.

----------

We didn't make out as badly as January 25th, which is a good thing. I've got a good feeling about this, guys!

In closing: I need more names and I need votes as to the direction research is taking! GET TO IT

Edited August 15, 2010 by Integrity

[IGdood]

Sweet, I managed to survive....and not panic.

Random names for minions...err....base staff.

Gordon-Captain, DEFENDER OF.

Ridley

Weegee

Kassandros

MacMillan

Cyrus/Avitus/Tarkus/Thaddeus...take your pick.

Pedro

Yarrick

As for future research topics.....whatever improves accuracy and killing power...and int he future mental resistance to psi attacks/mind control or something.

[Integrity]

Cyrus/Avitus/Tarkus/Thaddeus...take your pick.

DoW2, eh?

You actually did remarkably well considering you're a fresh recruit. Your middle blitz taking out all the Floaters you could see and dodging reaction fire was pr0.

[IGdood]

Yeah, I'm a warhammer fan.

I guess I got lucky, heheh.

[Balcerzak]

----------

First off: I still need your suggestions for Agents and Bases. With the founding of Inn'n'Out I'm bingo on names, and I'll need soldiers to at least staff Inn'n'Out, so keep 'em rolling in.

----------

In closing: I need more names and I need votes as to the direction research is taking! GET TO IT

Awesome. My reincarnation was much improved.

Names for Agents:

Castle

Inigo

House

Names for Bases:

New Gettysburg

Neo-Tokyo

Braxis

Panzerbjorn

Research:

Sharks Tanks with fricken lasers strapped to their heads.

[Specta]

I love my plasma rifle. Thank you so much for it :3

Names for agents!

Blitzkrieg

Cabbie

Voldemort

Greg

I'll come up with bases later~

[Integrity]

G'days, folks!

----------

So we start out by immediately having those Stun Rods I finally remembered arrive. We need these, because a live alien presents different research topics than a dead one. Additionally, researching certain kinds of live aliens gives you things you want:

Researching an alien Navigator lets you research the Hyperwave Decoder, which is the best radar in the game.

Researching an alien Engineer lets you research and then build the advanced planes in the game.

Researching an alien Commander then a Leader is required to win the game.

Most notably, researching an Ethereal or a Sectoid (grey aliens) Commander or Leader will open up a new research path: PSIONICS.

Also, I forgot to keep my missile stores up. That's what the Purchase button is for! /spends money

Yessssssss. I rename them and the stats will follow at the end per usual.

Sweet. Inn'n'Out is almost a fully capable base.

Yeah, well fuck you too RUSSIA.

----------

ALEINS IN TEH HOUSE

I catch him over ...uh, Greece why not, he runs away, I catch him AGAIN off the north coast of Ireland and kill him. Unfortunately, he landed in the water and left no crash site.

ALEINS IN TEH HOUSE AGAINS

I didn't get a screenshot of the end of this fucker. He was utterly annihilated over Canada in a single shot. More points for my Canada tally!

Yeah baby.

The Transfer screen, in which I reassign an Interceptor to Inn'n'Out.

And it arrives. Now we're just waiting for Living Quarters so I can station some guard there.

ALEINS

And fuck you.

----------

Not much to say here, just a Generic GEOSCAPE Update. Stats time!

[spoiler=Voldemort's stats]

VLODEMARK, TEH DRAK LROD

is a Level X Shock. He's moderately durable and has a good amount of TUs, but it's balanced by the shittiness of his, uh, everything else.

[spoiler=Spock's stats]

Fear must be illogical, because Spock's Bravery is perfect. Glaring weaknesses in Reactions and Stamina (coupled with poor Strength), but everything else is pretty good.

[spoiler=Joey's new stats]

OH MY GOD *JIZZ*

59/60 TUs

68/70 Stamina

60/60 Bravery

56/60 Reactions

70/70 Firing Accuracy

80/80 Throwing Accuracy

32/40 Strength

and bottomed Health.

THIS SOLDIER WILL BE KEPT ALIVE AT THE COSTS OF THE LIVES OF ALL MY OTHER SOLDIERS.

I just realized I accidentally named him Joey III instead of II.

[spoiler=Pride's newer stats]

Not bad. Except for his bad Health, pretty average.

[spoiler=Tarkus's stats]

Like a better Pride.

[spoiler=Soren's newer stats]

Very high TUs, Health, Bravery and Throwing Accuracy. Yeah, Medic's a good choice.

[Integrity]

knight_of_pie@hotmail.com says:

*DAMMIT INTEGRITY

*POST IN YOUR X-COM THREAD

Soul says:

*I am so not Integ's alt.

Matt says:

*I am so not Hika's alt.

knight_of_pie@hotmail.com says:

*no

*i wasnt talking about you soul

*i was talking t5o integrity

Soul says:

*I know, ha

knight_of_pie@hotmail.com says:

*THROUGH TELEPATHIC RAGE TALK

I don't even know who you are, but here you go bro. It's short, but enjoy.

----------

It seems our crashlanded ship is a Medium Scout, previously referred to by me as a Light Scout. The Light Scouts are smaller but don't actually show up in an xcomutil patched game. This means we'll be fighting like three aliens, tops. And that's if their reactor hasn't sploded.

Naturally, Skitarii opens this update with a perfect shot and a logged kill. Woo!

Since we're fighting such a tiny ship, I line three Shock troops up to breach it. Kitty's on the way, just in case, but whatever.

BIG MISTAKE

Baster and Skitarii pay for my arrogance.

By "three aliens tops" I apparently meant four. Here's a bonus shot of BlackJak sneaking up on the last guy and janking him with a stun rod.

----------

:(

Congratulations. We've hit the mark where we have enough soldiers to have two Sergeants instead of one. That means if I add a few one of us will get promoted to Captain and we'll get a replacement Sergeant.

----------

And that's it. Yeah. That's what I kept you all waiting for. I might try to do a GEOSCAPE update later today, but I'm not feeling all that well. :/

Edited August 24, 2010 by Integrity

[IGdood]

YAY!

Get well soon Integ! Or...umm..feel better....with whatever not feeling so well.

[Solanum Tuberosum]

o lol that was me.

i think i should actually post in your thread now haha, but i've been enjoying this a lot. thanks for posting wonderful alienblastage updates

[BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER]

Joeys have pretty boss stats. But Sir Teabag is still missed. ):

[Integrity]

Bonus GEOSCAPE update! I felt bad for letting so many days slide so it's a twofer day.

----------

Our ship triumphantly returns from Oregon.

And I'm greeted with FUCK YES!

:(

----------

OUR FIRST UFO OF THE DAY!

what in fuck's sweet name could he be hoping to accomplish up there? Raiding decrepit old Nazi bases? Oh well, I'm only paid to kill 'em. INTERCEPTOR-1, LEAVE ECHIDNATION.

Hm. Interesting turn of events.

OH SHIT. That had BETTER not be a base raid ship. INTERCEPTOR-2, FLY OVER FROM EUROPE.

Huh.

Welcome right back?

Aw, MAN. I see his ploy now. Guess he gets to go free.

How much more of you?

Somehow I didn't expect that.

Let's do this.

----------

Long story short, INTERCEPTOR-2 lost the UFO three separate times, failed to land a single hit on it, so I had it shadow the UFO to try to make it land so I could raid it with the SKYRANGER.

:(

:D

I don't actually know where we caught him or what time it is in that part of the world. This'll be a fun surprise.

BONUS TACTICAL SHOT!

A massive failure of xcomutil's automatic re-equip option results in Voldemort not only getting my Heavy Cannon, but EVERY SINGLE MAGAZINE WE OWN FOR IT, and also a Medkit, a Laser Rifle, AND A GRENADE. WHAT THE FUCK.

----------

Stats~

[spoiler=Inigo's stats]

Meh. Below-average, but at least he's got decent accuracy.

[spoiler=Skitarii's new stats]

Like Inigo, except minus "below" and plus "above". Plus, capped Reflexes.

[spoiler=Stefan's stats]

This guy's name was automatically Stefan. It fit.

Average to above-average, plus maxed TUs and floored STR.

[spoiler=Cybaster's new stats and my name fail]

It didn't fit and we didn't have a soldier named Baster I yet, so I let it stay. It just looked so sad out there alone.

CAPPED FIRING ACCURACY! Top-tier STR, TUs and Health. He'll be a good unit.

At this point I've run out of SKYRANGER room, so until Inn'n'Out's second Hanger gets finished in 24 days most of you will be benchwarmers/next on the line when Voldemort dies.

[Specta]

Voldemort's finally figured out how to kill Harry Potter, it seems.

[Integrity]

TACTICAL UPDATE!

----------

Evidently we caught that bitch in the Arctic. At night. Who's gonna die?

And we open with an early spot with his back turned, and a perfect shot from Balcerzak. I expect no less, sir.

WHAT FUCK NO BLACKJAK

And a stun bomb explodes.

A quick explanation of more advanced mechanics, since you're going to see them in this update a lot:

Health has three distinct components: raw HP, stun HP, and Fatal Wounds. Raw HP is the red bar I've shown you, and the Health stat in the Stats Updates.

Stun HP is distinct but linked to raw HP. Essentially, all weapons that do stun damage (consisting of the Stun Rod for us, the Small Launcher for them and later us, and simply standing in smoke) cause stun damage instead of real damage. Stun damage doesn't reduce your HP, but if you ever have more stun damage than health left, you fall unconscious. Stun damage regenerates on its own, or a Medikit Stimulant shot will restore a few points of damage along with some Energy. When HP > Stun Damage again, the soldier wakes up.

Incidentally, when you fall unconscious, you drop all your gear.

Fatal Wounds are sustained when you take real damage. When you take damage, a number is generated. If you survive the shot, you're left with between 0 and 3 Fatal Wounds. The number of wounds is completely random, but whether you survive them is biased. The more damage you take to your health (i.e. the more damage that penetrates armor - armor is important) the higher the chance to sustain Fatal Wounds. If you take more than 10 damage, you're guaranteed to have at least one Fatal Wound; but if a shot only does 1 damage, there's a 90% chance for you to be left with none. Fatal Wounds bleed your health out by 1hp per turn per wound, applied at the beginning of the Player Phase. This means that hits sustained during the Enemy Phase, even if survived, can bleed out before you can even try to treat them. Fatal Wounds are cured via the Medkit, and each Fatal Wound cured restores 3hp - not enough to really matter, but if you get one of them healed you won't bleed out from the rest before they can be treated.

Incidentally, if a soldier survives getting shot he's subject to a recovery period at the base. For each HP below max he's at when the mission ends, a soldier is forced off-duty for between .5 and 1 days. Don't get hurt.

In this and several more instances during this update, the aliens fired a Small Launcher's Stun Bomb. This does a retarded amount of Stun Damage over a rather large area and also has the same graphic as the Blaster Launcher, which fires a large explosion that tends to kill you badly.

If this rambled too much feel free to tell me and I'll try to explain better. >>

----------

Kitty takes revenge on the dude who killed BlackJak AND the dude who stunned Pride.

Some dumbass alien tries to kill the tank.

Y HELO THAR

...

He survived two consecutive direct hits from the tank. What.

VOLDEMOOOOOOOOORT

----------

It's okay. Joey took a reaction shot at the guy when he tried to run away and KILLED HIM.

Okay, actually, Joey and I made a pile of corpses at that door on the EP. I think three or four aliens died.

Balcerzak breached since all our Shocks are dead now, found an alien, and killed it and ran out. Then Balcerzak breached again!

I open the next door and...lose control. Fuck. That means the aliens are taking reaction fire. Bye-bye Integrity.

WHAT THE FUCK I SURVIVED?!

...

Leaving the room procced reaction fire from the other alien, who had - you guessed it! - a stun bomb. Fuck you, man.

Soren dashes over and throws Kitty his Medkit. I'm still bleeding on the floor but I'M NOT DEAD YET.

See how my left arm is blinking red and it says under it "LEFT ARM 1"? That means I sustained a single Fatal Wound to the left arm. One shot of Medkit patches me up and I'll survive the round. Of course, I lost something on the order of 15-20HP, so uh yeah. Integrity probably won't be in the next TACTICAL update.

I missed the picture, but Kitty landed a reaction kill too. This level has been FINE for Reactions training.

OH COME THE FUCK ON

Soren has you now, bitch.

----------

OH CHRIST AUTOFIRE AUTOFIRE

Success! Good job, Rookie. I'll just End Turn now and --

Oh. That was it. Not bad, not bad. Capturing a downed alien ship is always hard and usually worth it.

And we hit the magic point where we have enough soldiers to have some real officers. Joey becomes the replacement Sergeant after Integrity is exposed to a Moonstone and evolves into

CAPTAIN INTEGRITY, DEFENDER OF EARTH

[riariadne]

I have no idea how to play this game but so far it looks pretty awesome.

Can you have someone named Lightning? :D

[Integrity]

I think 8 is the character limit, so your name might be Lightnin, but yes.