Jump to content


Photo

Crystal's Light - Feedback


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 30 December 2010 - 02:59 AM

Love me, hate me, whatever. If you're gonna do the latter, try to explain why you don't like it.

#2 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 30 December 2010 - 11:27 AM

It is a great writing and you should DEFINITELY continue it.

#3 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 30 December 2010 - 11:48 AM

Thanks! There's a bunch more that needs to be written!

#4 Lux Aeterna

Lux Aeterna

    The TRUE sniper rifle enthusiast!

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Genealogy of the Holy War

Posted 30 December 2010 - 01:41 PM

Ahhhh why did it have to stop there (at least for now). Now I want more. @__@

So let me get this straight... Kel is reading a history book that narrates the events at Kingston's ship? I'm willing to risk a guess that there is a reason the reader is mentioned, if that's the case.


Oh, and your writing style... Something's different about it. It's hard to explain... Not bad! I don't mean bad! It seems to have personality, maybe? I don't know how to put it. It's almost as though instead of reading I'm listening to you tell the story... about a story... about a story. :awesome: Mostly because of the way you describe things.

Keep going, because I'll be mad if you just end it there. D:<

#5 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:12 PM

Ahhhh why did it have to stop there (at least for now). Now I want more. @__@

So let me get this straight... Kel is reading a history book that narrates the events at Kingston's ship? I'm willing to risk a guess that there is a reason the reader is mentioned, if that's the case.


Oh, and your writing style... Something's different about it. It's hard to explain... Not bad! I don't mean bad! It seems to have personality, maybe? I don't know how to put it. It's almost as though instead of reading I'm listening to you tell the story... about a story... about a story. :awesome: Mostly because of the way you describe things.

Keep going, because I'll be mad if you just end it there. D:<

Do not forget that she said history book, not just a random story book which makes the story a whole lot cooler.

#6 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:15 PM

Thanks! There's a bunch more that needs to be written!

PLEASE do it as fast as possible. I would really like to read the rest of it ASAP.

#7 Lux Aeterna

Lux Aeterna

    The TRUE sniper rifle enthusiast!

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Genealogy of the Holy War

Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:57 PM

Do not forget that she said history book, not just a random story book which makes the story a whole lot cooler.

... I did mention a history book in my post, silly =P

#8 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:58 PM

... I did mention a history book in my post, silly =P

Sorry then.
I was just excited to read the next part.

#9 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 30 December 2010 - 10:23 PM

Thanks, you two!

I feel like telling two stories at once. Where the story should end. . .is where it will begin.

#10 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 31 December 2010 - 12:51 PM

[quote name='eclipse' date='31 December 2010 - 04:23 AM' timestamp='1293769383' post='1401159']
Thanks, you two!

I feel like telling two stories at once. Where the story should end. . .is where it will begin.
[/quote]
That is very nice to know
Also I can't believe you ended the second piece saying [quote] I'm a little disappointed, because the interesting part is next." Kel's mother softly chuckled as she watched her son stumble towards the bathroom.
"This point in history. . .Kel, it's why we have plants on Earth. . ." [quote] which makes me want to read the next piece even more.

#11 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 31 December 2010 - 05:38 PM

Yes, because I really suck at ending things.

The next part probably won't make sense. Once I truly end the story, it should.

#12 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 01 January 2011 - 11:38 AM

Yes, because I really suck at ending things.

The next part probably won't make sense. Once I truly end the story, it should.

It does not matter if it does not make much sense if the entire story does.
And happy new year.
(Post the next part ASAP)

#13 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 01 January 2011 - 10:13 PM

Okay, okay, writer's block over, chapter up.

Please don't kill me just yet.

#14 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 03 January 2011 - 12:17 AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
the 5th piece has not been uploaded yet (and I stayed awake so long for it too.)

#15 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 03 January 2011 - 02:08 AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
the 5th piece has not been uploaded yet (and I stayed awake so long for it too.)


Gee, sorry, I got called out for unexpected tech support. It's late, so it'll probably go up tomorrow.

#16 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 03 January 2011 - 04:51 PM

Gee, sorry, I got called out for unexpected tech support. It's late, so it'll probably go up tomorrow.

How much longer are you going to torture your readers ?
just kidding
but do post ASAP.

#17 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 04 January 2011 - 02:16 AM

That took a bit longer than expected. Next chapter up.

#18 Cap'n Flint

Cap'n Flint

    Tick! Tick! that is the sound of your life running out

  • Member
  • Gender:Male
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Thracia 776

Posted 04 January 2011 - 08:08 PM

Could you PLEASE make the next post longer.(seriously, the previous post was not long enough.)

#19 eclipse

eclipse

    Do I look like I get enough sleep?

  • Section Moderator
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:Shadow Dragon

Posted 07 January 2011 - 04:19 AM

Dunno about the length, but the next chapter's up. It's way past my bedtime.

#20 Furetchen

Furetchen

    Pay the brute?

  • Member
  • Gender:Female
  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game:New Mystery of the Emblem

Posted 07 January 2011 - 02:30 PM

Could you PLEASE make the next post longer.(seriously, the previous post was not long enough.)

Fuck you, writing can be hard to pad out.

Anyway, it's looking good, except

Fullerton looked at the orders in her hands. She regarded pattern on the carpet. She looked at her orders again, and sighed. Her brother appeared in front of her, holding a sheet of paper. Her hands were empty. She let loose a string of curses.

Seems a little...stilted.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users