Path to Legacy - A Naruto Fanfiction

[noheartx]

I dunno if anyone here likes Naruto, but this is a Fanfiction I've been writing for awhile now, and i wanted to post it here. If you want to leave feedback, you can just leave it here.

Path to Legacy

A/N: Hey guys got a Naruto story here. A few things I wanna point out before I start.

-This is AU. Many things will be different, that's just how I wanted the story to go.

-This is Naru/Saku, I know a lot of people don't like that pair, but it is my favorite pair, so that's what I'm doing. I may add in a secondary pairing, but I don't know how far that will go. I find that too many pairings can kill a story, so only one secondary pair would be in the story, if I decide to throw one in.

-A lot of the Jutsu in this will be made up, because I really don't feel like going on the Wiki and looking up Jutsus. Yes I'm lazy, but I'll make them realistic. Obviously, people's main Jutsus like Rasengan, Chidori etc. will be in here.

-Everything in this story will be written in English, except I will be adding the honorifics to certain people's names, because I think it sounds a lot better. (I think Pervy Sage just sounds ridiculous)

-This is Rated M, so if you can't handle that, don't read it.

I think that's it, so let's get this started.

Oh and I don't own Naruto. Clearly.

Chapter 1: Reflections

In the heart of The Village Hidden in the Leaves, a large mountain had the faces of four men and one woman carved into it. These faces were the faces of the Hokage, the leaders that the village has had over the years. Each one was known for their unparalleled strength and courage, especially the Fourth Hokage. The same Hokage who gave his life to protect his village when the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked The Village Hidden in the Leaves 19 years ago. On top of the Fourth Hokage's head, a 19 year old boy with blonde hair and cerulean blue eyes stared at the sky as fireworks exploded across the night sky. The rainbow of colors lit up the village with every flash, and many people looked up in awe from the festivities that went on down below the monument. Today was a day that would live in infamy to the people of the Leaf Village. On this very day, October 10^th, possibly the worst day in Leaf Village history, the Nine-Tailed Fox nearly decimated the village. Only because of the valiant efforts of the Fourth Hokage did the Leaf Village survive. And the village celebrates the victory over the Nine-Tailed Fox every year on this day. But, that isn't the only special occasion on this day. Today is the birthday of Naruto Uzumaki, the unpredictable, hyperactive ninja of the Leaf Village, and the container of the Nine-Tails. He lay atop the monument just staring at the bright fireworks, thinking of his life in the past year. After a painful five years, he had finally fulfilled the promise that he made with Sakura. After getting extremely lucky and running into him on his way back from a mission, Sasuke was finally back in the village.

Flashback

Two ninja stared each other down in the middle of a war torn battlefield. Craters were scattered around them, and smoke rose from where powerful attacks had impacted moments ago. One of the boys, with jet black hair, obsidian eyes, and a katana in his hand kneeled on the ground, panting from the energy he exhausted. Cuts and bruises covered his body, and blood trickled from his mouth. The other boy, while still standing, also had serious injuries all over him. But he was smiling. Sasuke was baffled that the other boy was this strong. He had gotten stronger over the years, but the man in front of him was on a whole different level. It was nothing like the battle they had in The Valley of the End.

"How…" Sasuke said quietly. He didn't leave the Leaf Village all those years ago just to be brought back before he could carry out his revenge. "How did you beat me?"

"Because I made a promise to Sakura-Chan, and I always keep my promises. Now let's go back to-"

"NO!" Sasuke shouted as he struggled to stand. "I am NOT going back! That village is weak! I have to kill Itachi, and I won't be able to do it when I'm there!" The blonde slowly limped over to where Sasuke shakily stood. He stopped about a foot away and they stared hard at each other.

"I'm not letting you get away Sasuke, not this time. You say you would be weaker in the Leaf Village, but I don't believe you. You can have friends in the Leaf Village that give you strength. It's still not too late Sasuke, I don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore. Don't you realize what Orochimaru is doing to you?"

"It is too late. You don't get it do you Naruto? Do you think the Leaf Village will welcome me with open arms? Do you think everyone will just pretend this was a fucking dream and things will go back to the way they used to be? Don't be fucking stupid! They will hate me! Despise me for betraying the village. And they have every right to. I left the village for my own benefit…just like Itachi." Sasuke retorted angrily. His body shook with rage and hate, not only for his brother, but for himself.

"Don't say that! You're nothing like that bastard! I know things won't be the same…but I want to try. I miss you Sasuke, Sakura-Chan misses you, Kakashi-Sensei misses you. It hasn't been the same without you. And if anyone has a problem with you, they can deal with me." Sasuke grunted.

"Hmph. You truly are an idiot. I'm not going back Naruto, and that's-" Sasuke was cut off when Naruto buried his fist in Sasuke's stomach. He coughed up blood as his eyes widened and he gripped his stomach in pain. He fell to the ground in an unconscious heap. Naruto looked down at the body as he rubbed some blood away from his mouth. He picked up the body of his surrogate brother and hefted him over his shoulder. He turned and walked away from the battlefield, starting his journey back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

End Flashback

After he had gotten Sasuke, his team had been overjoyed. Sakura freaked out when she had seen the condition both boys were in, but quickly realized her medical skill would be needed. Naruto of course had her work on Sasuke first, because of his fast healing powers. Sakura didn't question him; she just figured that he was being selfless as usual. None of Naruto's friends knew about Naruto's tenant, and for the past few years he had been trying to work up the courage to tell them, but every time he would try, he would get so scared that they would hate him; he could never go through with it.

Flashback

Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura walked through the streets of the Leaf Village. They were on their way to the hospital to visit Sasuke, because he was still recovering from the battle that was over a week ago. Although Naruto's injuries were not as bad, they were still pretty bad, and Sakura was wondering how Naruto got out of the hospital in just three days. She always knew he healed fast, but she never knew why.

"Hey Naruto, can I ask you a question?" The pinkette asked as they strode down the street. Naruto, with his hands behind his head, turned and smiled.

"Sure Sakura-Chan. What's up?"

"Are you fully healed yet? I mean, any normal person with those injuries would be bedridden for weeks. Now, even though you're the complete opposite of normal, no one should heal that fast. How do you do it?" Naruto's smile turned into a look of shock as his face paled. Kakashi looked at the two from the corner of his eye when he heard Sakura's question. He wasn't sure how Naruto would react to this.

"Uh…hehe…well you see…" Naruto stammered as Sakura looked at him impatiently.

"Naruto-Nii-San!" Naruto mentally thanked Kami for sending him Konohamaru at this time. He wasn't ready to answer that question yet. Kakashi mentally sighed as the crisis was averted for now.

End Flashback.

To this day, no one of the younger generation, besides Sasuke, knew about the Nine-Tailed Fox's connection with Naruto. He wanted to tell them, but he was still terrified of what their reactions might be. On multiple occasions, Jiraiya and Tsunade had tried to convince Naruto to tell his friends, but it never worked.

Flashback

"Okay, that's enough for today Naruto." Naruto panted as he slipped out of his fighting stance and collapsed onto the ground. He looked at the sky as he tried to catch his breath. Jiraiya stood across from Naruto, and he was slightly winded as well, but he wasn't about to let Naruto know that. Ever since they were back from their training trip five years ago, Jiraiya would stop in the village once every few months to have an intense training session with Naruto. Mostly because he wanted to see how the boy progressed, but also because he liked seeing the boy.

"You know Ero-Sennin I can tell you're tired. That must mean you're getting old huh?" Naruto said with a grin from his place on the ground.

"Old! I can still kick your ass easily kid. Don't forget that." Naruto sat up and yawned.

"Yea yea I hear you old man." Jiraiya's eye twitched. "Anyway, I'm gonna go try and get some ramen with Sakura-Chan."

"You mean Mini-Tsunade? You're still after her?" Naruto glared at the Toad Sage.

"Shut up. I'm not like you." Jiraiya laughed.

"Of course you're not kid. Have you told her about the fox?" Naruto looked down at the ground and sighed. "I'll take that as a no."

"Well what do you expect! How can I tell her that? 'Hey Sakura-Chan I have the demon that terrorized our village 18 years ago trapped inside my body, and he tries to break out every day. Do you wanna get some ramen with me?' Somehow I don't think that would work."

"I know you're just going to tell me to blow it out my ass, but she's not just going to hate you. She's been your friend for what, six years now? She would stick by you Naruto, you should believe in her." Naruto stood up and started to walk away.

"You're right. You should blow it out your ass." He said without turning to face Jiraiya. Jiraiya sighed and decided to pay a quick visit to Tsunade before he left the village again. If he was lucky, he would catch her drunk. With a perverted giggle, he leapt into the trees towards the Hokage Tower.

End Flashback

Naruto sighed as he watched more fireworks explode. When he heard footsteps approach him, he didn't bother to look up, he knew who it was.

"What do you want Kakashi." Kakashi sighed, he knew that when Naruto didn't use the 'sensei' part, he wasn't in a good mood.

"I can't wish one of my students a happy birthday?" Kakashi asked as he took a seat next to Naruto.

"Yea, well you're the only one."

"That's because you never told anyone what day you're birthday was." Naruto sat up and looked down at the festivities that went on below. Women squealed and men drank, all having a great time.

"You know, when I was younger, I used to pretend that all of this was for me. That everyone in the village decided to throw me a huge birthday party. But, whenever I tried to go, people would throw things at me and tell me to 'get lost demon bitch.' At the end of the day, I always ended up in my apartment alone and crying." Kakashi was shamed by the treatment the villagers gave Naruto. He was even more ashamed that he let his sensei's only son go through all of this without supporting him at all.

'Minato-Sensei, if you can hear me…I'm sorry."

"Sakura was looking for you." Naruto turned his head to Kakashi, and his eyes widened for a second, but they quickly returned to normal.

"Did you..."

"I told her I would go look for you. Do you not want to see her?" Naruto looked back over the village.

"I don't know. Did she seem worried?" Kakashi nodded.

"A lot of people were looking for you. The only one who wasn't was Sasuke, and that's because he knows why you're not there. Don't you think you could join everyone this year? It would make all of your friends happy."

"What about the villagers? They sure as hell don't want to see me."

"It's gotten better over the years; most of them are just indifferent now. And most ninja respect you. I think you could go down there and join the party without trouble." Naruto sighed and stood up. Kakashi smiled underneath his mask.

XxX

"Please Sasuke-Kun! Just one dance?" Sasuke sighed and stood up from his seat. He'd be damned if Ino ruined his night with her complaining. Normally he wouldn't have ever accepted a dance with Ino, but he had a few drinks in him already, and he was in a better mood then his usual 'fuck-off or die' mood. Ino squealed as she dragged him to the dance floor. Sakura laughed as her best friend had persuaded a half-drunk Sasuke to dance with her. She watched as Sasuke took Ino's hands and they started to dance to the upbeat music. Years ago, she would have killed Ino in a blind rage for taking her Sasuke-Kun away from her. But, lately, she hadn't been feeling anything for the Uchiha. Now she had just a platonic love for him, a brotherly love. Later she would have to tell Sasuke he was a good dancer, even while a little tipsy. She would surely get a few laughs from that. Many other couples were scattered about the dance floor, holding each other as the music played. She envied them, hell she even envied Ino a little. Her duties as a Kunoichi severely interfered with her personal life, and while she loved being a Kunoichi, she hated being alone. Ever since she moved out of her parent's house into her own apartment, she had felt lonelier than ever. Sasuke was back, which was nice, but he was only sociable to a certain point, plus he had a curfew, for obvious reasons, so he was no fun to hang out with. Ino was always out doing something, whether it be on a date or working at the flower shop. And she wasn't really good friends with the rest of the kids from her generation. Most of her time was split between missions, hospital work, and the occasional lesson from Tsunade when neither of them were busy. That only left Naruto, and she couldn't find him. She had asked Kakashi to go find him, but that had been about twenty minutes ago.

"Hey Sakura-Chan." She swiftly turned her head and her eyes met cerulean blue. She smile and stood up from her chair to hug Naruto.

"Naruto! Where have you been?"

"I uh…I was sleeping?" Naruto lied as he scratched his head.

"Idiot. How could you miss the biggest party in the Leaf Village?"

"It must have...slipped my mind I guess." Sakura put her hands on her hips and smirked.

"Well…I'll let you off the hook if you come dance with me." Naruto's eyes widened as he tried to process what he just heard.

"Y-you want me t-to dance with you…S-Sakura-Chan?" Kakashi slipped away before he intruded on anything else, but not without a perverted giggle. Naruto on the other hand, was doing mental backflips.

"Yep. Now let's go." Sakura dragged Naruto next to where Sasuke and Ino were dancing and smiled at them.

"Uh why is Sasuke dancing with Ino?" Naruto asked with a baffled expression.

"He's a little drunk." Sakura whispered in his ear. Naruto grinned. He was so going to use this against Sasuke. He quickly made his signature hand seal, and another Naruto poofed into existence. The Shadow Clone jumped away into the night, leaving Sakura with a confused look on her face.

"Where is he going?"

"He's getting a camera from my apartment." Sakura laughed as she took Naruto's hands, causing the blonde to blush profusely. Sakura noted this and giggled.

"Jeez, six years and you still can't stop the blushing." Naruto stuttered as he tried to formulate a response, but it was to no avail. "Would you shut up and dance with me now?" Naruto stopped his babbling and smiled. They started to dance, and Naruto surprised Sakura by spinning her around and catching her, and then with a few spins of his own. "Uh, Naruto, when the hell did you learn how to dance?" Naruto laughed as he lifted Sakura off the ground, causing her to squeal.

"Ero-Sennin told me I needed to learn how to dance if I ever wanted a woman to like me. So he taught me."

"Well, I must say I am surprised, and impressed. You really are Leaf Village's Number One Hyperactive Unpredictable Ninja." They danced for another few minutes, until the song ended and everyone dispersed. The Naruto clone approached Naruto after the dance and handed him a camera, and laughed before dispelling itself. Naruto put the phone in his pocket and zipped it shut. Sakura looked at the boy's clothing and laughed.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"It's just, I remember when you used to wear that orange jumpsuit." Naruto looked down at himself as he examined the new clothing he wore. When he made Jonin, Tsunade forced him to wear a different color, because he would be taking on more dangerous missions. His new attire consisted of black shinobi sandals, black Hakama pants, a fishnet undershirt, a red shirt with black along the edges, and a black Jonin vest. When he went on missions, he would wear a black cloak with the kanji for TOAD on the back. He said it was a symbol of respect for his sensei and the Fourth Hokage, and because he was currently training to become the next Toad Sage.

"Oh yea, I miss that old thing." Naruto said as he remembered his old attire. They walked back over to a table and sat down. Sasuke and Ino continued dancing, and Naruto shook his head. "I hope he's not too mad at Ino tomorrow." Sakura looked back at the duo and sighed.

"I don't think Ino will care. Right now she's in heaven." Sakura looked at her watch and realized it was 1:30. "Wow, it's that late already? I should get home, I don't want to be too tired tomorrow." Naruto stood up as she did.

"Okay, I'll walk you." Sakura smiled and they slowly made their way away from the party. They walked through the empty streets, seeing as everyone was either asleep or still at the festival.

"So, where were you really?" Naruto looked over at Sakura and scratched his head.

"I still can't lie to you can i?" Sakura shook her head.

"Nope. Now spill it."

"I was on top of the Hokage monument."

"The Hokage monument? Why were you up there?"

"Uh you know…pondering life?" Sakura looked at Naruto incredulously. "What I really was." He said as he put his hands up in defense.

"And what were you pondering?"

"Just the past few years. Finally getting Sasuke back, training with Ero-Sennin, and…other things." Sakura nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"More than you know. But I don't think I can." Sakura was taken aback by that answer. Naruto always shared his problems; he was never scared to say something.

"Naruto…what is it?" They stopped outside of Sakura's apartment, and Naruto sighed.

"Don't worry about it Sakura-Chan, just get some sleep. I'll tell you someday." With that, Naruto jumped onto the roof of an adjacent building and building hopped into the night. Sakura unlocked her door and kicked her shoes off. She went into her room and undressed quickly, leaving on her underwear and mesh underlay. She didn't feel like changing, she was too tired. She collapsed onto her bed and snuggled in effortlessly. Before drifting off to sleep, she thought of Naruto one more time.

'Idiot. How can I not worry about you when you act like that? Naruto…what's wrong?'

XxX

A/N: Well, there's chapter numero uno. Basically just setting up the story, with a fun little Naru/Saku moment, and making fun of Sasuke is always good fun. By the way that does not mean there will be a Sasuke/Ino pairing. That was just a fun little thing I added in there. After all, alcohol can make you do crazy things. This was a little on the short side for a chapter, but I didn't want to get too far into the story. So that's where things stand at the moment. If you have any suggestions on how to have Naruto break the news to Sakura that would be great. I have a few ideas, but nothing really stands out. Anyway, expect chapter two kinda soon. Peace.

[shadowofchaos]

-Everything in this story will be written in English, except I will be adding the honorifics to certain people's names, because I think it sounds a lot better. (I think Pervy Sage just sounds ridiculous)

For subtitled anime it works. But otherwise, it sounds awkward as hell to me. Probably what turned me off from watching the actual anime when it first came out on CN.

Edited May 18, 2011 by shadowofchaos

[Parrhesia]

-This is Naru/Saku, I know a lot of people don't like that pair, but it is my favorite pair, so that's what I'm doing. I may add in a secondary pairing, but I don't know how far that will go. I find that too many pairings can kill a story, so only one secondary pair would be in the story, if I decide to throw one in.

Ooh, controversy!

-A lot of the Jutsu in this will be made up, because I really don't feel like going on the Wiki and looking up Jutsus. Yes I'm lazy, but I'll make them realistic. Obviously, people's main Jutsus like Rasengan, Chidori etc. will be in here.

*blank stare*

-Everything in this story will be written in English

One would hope so.

, except I will be adding the honorifics to certain people's names

what

, because I think it sounds a lot better. (I think Pervy Sage just sounds ridiculous)

I do too. SO MAYBE DON'T CALL HIM PERVY SAGE-CHAN-SAN-OKUU-WHATEVER THE FUCK

In the heart of The Village Hidden in the Leaves, a large mountain had the faces of four men and one woman carved into it. These faces were the faces of the Hokage, the leaders that the village has had over the years. Each one was known for their unparalleled strength and courage, especially the Fourth Hokage. The same Hokage who gave his life to protect his village when the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked The Village Hidden in the Leaves 19 years ago. On top of the Fourth Hokage's head, a 19 year old boy with blonde hair and cerulean blue eyes stared at the sky as fireworks exploded across the night sky. The rainbow of colors lit up the village with every flash, and many people looked up in awe from the festivities that went on down below the monument. Today was a day that would live in infamy to the people of the Leaf Village. On this very day, October 10^th, possibly the worst day in Leaf Village history, the Nine-Tailed Fox nearly decimated the village. Only because of the valiant efforts of the Fourth Hokage did the Leaf Village survive. And the village celebrates the victory over the Nine-Tailed Fox every year on this day.

... Verily.

Flashback

Could you be more unsubtle about its being a flashback? I think it may've passed over some heads at the back there.

Two ninja stared each other down in the middle of a war torn battlefield. Craters were scattered around them, and smoke rose from where powerful attacks had impacted moments ago.

I knew I was right to hate Naruto!

One of the boys,

WHAT

with jet black hair, obsidian eyes, and a katana in his hand

In his hand? Not in his bowels?

kneeled on the ground, panting from the energy he exhausted.

Um.

Cuts and bruises covered his body, and blood trickled from his mouth. The other boy

please tell me this is typical of the setting or someone dies

while still standing, also had serious injuries all over him.

Bruising; serious business.

But he was smiling. Sasuke was baffled that the other boy was this strong. He had gotten stronger over the years, but the man in front of him was on a whole different level. It was nothing like the battle they had in The Valley of the End.

I should probably know what this means.

"How…" Sasuke said quietly. He didn't leave the Leaf Village all those years ago just to be brought back before he could carry out his revenge. "How did you beat me?"

"Because I'm too sexy for my shirt."

"Because I made a promise to Sakura-Chan

Any relation to Jackie?

and I always keep my promises. Now let's go back to-"

"NO!" Sasuke shouted as he struggled to stand. "I am NOT going back! That village is weak! I have to kill Itachi

fuckfuckfuckanothercharacteridon'tknowisOCornot

"Do you think everyone will just pretend this was a fucking dream and things will go back to the way they used to be? Don't be fucking stupid!

Right, I know you want to be edgy and shit, but 'boys' in my experience tend to be extremely stupid and can't say 'fuck' without grinning goonishly.

They will hate me! Despise me for betraying the village. And they have every right to. I left the village for my own benefit…just like Itachi." Sasuke retorted angrily. His body shook with rage and hate, not only for his brother, but for himself.

And yeah, self-reflection is kinda beyond 'boyish' scope as well.

"Don't say that!

Lumi, is that you?

You're nothing like that bastard! I know things won't be the same…but I want to try. I miss you Sasuke, Sakura-Chan misses you, Kakashi-Sensei

A WORD I RECOGNISE

misses you. It hasn't been the same without you. And if anyone has a problem with you, they can deal with me." Sasuke grunted.

That was some grunt.

"Hmph. You truly are an idiot. I'm not going back Naruto, and that's-" Sasuke was cut off when Naruto buried his fist in Sasuke's stomach. He coughed up blood as his eyes widened and he gripped his stomach in pain. He fell to the ground in an unconscious heap. Naruto looked down at the body as he rubbed some blood away from his mouth. He picked up the body of his surrogate brother and hefted him over his shoulder. He turned and walked away from the battlefield, starting his journey back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

Awwwww, they really do love each other.

After he had gotten Sasuke, his team had been overjoyed. Sakura freaked out when she had seen the condition both boys were in, but quickly realized her medical skill would be needed. Naruto of course had her work on Sasuke first, because of his fast healing powers.

*COUGH*SUE*COUGH*

Sakura didn't question him; she just figured that he was being selfless as usual.

I hate Naruto already.

None of Naruto's friends knew about Naruto's tenant, and for the past few years he had been trying to work up the courage to tell them, but every time he would try, he would get so scared that they would hate him; he could never go through with it.

GET A GRIP YOU PUSSY

Flashback

SUBTELTY!

Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura walked through the streets of the Leaf Village. They were on their way to the hospital

...

to visit Sasuke, because he was still recovering from the battle that was over a week ago.

I'm sure he'll be pleased to see them.

Although Naruto's injuries were not as bad, they were still pretty bad

The wording of this story is getting kind of repetitious in a way I find somewhat repetitious.

and Sakura was wondering how Naruto got out of the hospital in just three days. She always knew he healed fast, but she never knew why.

*COUGH*SUE*COUGH*

"Hey Naruto, can I ask you a question?" The pinkette

...no questions.

asked as they strode down the street. Naruto, with his hands behind his head, turned and smiled.

"Sure Sakura-Chan. What's up?"

"Are you fully healed yet? I mean, any normal person with those injuries would be bedridden for weeks. Now, even though you're the complete opposite of normal, no one should heal that fast.

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW GREAT HE IS GOD I COULD STRANGLE A DOLPHIN

How do you do it?" Naruto's smile turned into a look of shock as his face paled. Kakashi looked at the two from the corner of his eye when he heard Sakura's question. He wasn't sure how Naruto would react to this.

"Uh…hehe…well you see…" Naruto stammered as Sakura looked at him impatiently.

"Naruto-Nii-San!"

Naruto Shrubbery-Seeker?

Naruto mentally thanked Kami for sending him Konohamaru at this time. He wasn't ready to answer that question yet. Kakashi mentally sighed as the crisis was averted for now.

End Flashback.

At last, back to the fucking main pl-

To this day, no one of the younger generation, besides Sasuke, knew about the Nine-Tailed Fox's connection with Naruto. He wanted to tell them, but he was still terrified of what their reactions might be. On multiple occasions, Jiraiya and Tsunade had tried to convince Naruto to tell his friends, but it never worked.

Flashback

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Okay, I shall yell at this more when I have the time and inclination. SERIOUSLY, that repetition. It's getting to me.

Edited May 18, 2011 by Furetchen

[noheartx]

-blinks- i think your post was longer than my chapter.

Repetition is something i do have a problem with, and i try to break it, but im not a good writer.

Also do you even know Naruto, because you really dont seem like you do. Most people read fanfiction about things they have KNOWLEDGE about. Just sayin.

[BK-201]

-blinks- i think your post was longer than my chapter.

Repetition is something i do have a problem with, and i try to break it, but im not a good writer.

Also do you even know Naruto, because you really dont seem like you do. Most people read fanfiction about things they have KNOWLEDGE about. Just sayin.

His critique is still true. You do display Naruto as some sort of God, healing quickly and in addition to selfless.

Edit: If you're willing to stray from being perfectly accurate, which you are

-A lot of the Jutsu in this will be made up, because I really don't feel like going on the Wiki and looking up Jutsus. Yes I'm lazy, but I'll make them realistic. Obviously, people's main Jutsus like Rasengan, Chidori etc. will be in here.

Then more the reason you can change his character slightly, I don't know anything about Naruto, but it seems like a double standard you are willing to make up various techniques, yet not willing to create flaws in what appears from your writing, to be a super obvious Sue. Edited May 19, 2011 by BK-201

[noheartx]

have you watched the anime? that is how he is. He does heal fast, and hes completely selfless. If you have a problem talk to Kishimoto, not me.

[BK-201]

have you watched the anime? that is how he is. He does heal fast, and hes completely selfless. If you have a problem talk to Kishimoto, not me.

See my edit, which I made during your post probably, or I wasn't paying close enough attention. Are you saying you have no flexibility as a writer in terms of character? Part of being a good writer is being able to create a good character, ask Furet, he is easily one of the best around here.

[noheartx]

See my edit, which I made during your post probably, or I wasn't paying close enough attention. Are you saying you have no flexibility as a writer in terms of character? Part of being a good writer is being able to create a good character, ask Furet, he is easily one of the best around here.

Im confused at what your asking. Naruto is not a created character of mine. And I dont want to make him OOC, hes fine the way he is to me. Naruto has always been selfless, and his fast healing is due to him having the Nine Tailed Fox sealed inside him. I didn't just give him that ability because i wanted him to be awesome, the show is like that. However, Sasuke (if you dont know Naruto than this is really a moot point) in my story is slightly OOC. I wasn't going for a huge character change, more as a story change. Liek i said, if you dont know Naruto then this may not make sense.

As for the creating techniques, some of the techniques used are repetitive, and making up your own is a good way too keep a variety so battle scenes dont get old. This is also my first Fanfiction, so i dont expect everyone too like it. I'm just going for feedback, which you rarely get on Fanficiton . net

[BK-201]

Im confused at what your asking. Naruto is not a created character of mine. And I dont want to make him OOC, hes fine the way he is to me. Naruto has always been selfless, and his fast healing is due to him having the Nine Tailed Fox sealed inside him. I didn't just give him that ability because i wanted him to be awesome, the show is like that. However, Sasuke (if you dont know Naruto than this is really a moot point) in my story is slightly OOC. I wasn't going for a huge character change, more as a story change. Liek i said, if you dont know Naruto then this may not make sense.

As for the creating techniques, some of the techniques used are repetitive, and making up your own is a good way too keep a variety so battle scenes dont get old. This is also my first Fanfiction, so i dont expect everyone too like it. I'm just going for feedback, which you rarely get on Fanficiton . net

I'm not going to bother arguing about what I don't know, but rather what I do.

Your reason for creating techniques is because they are repetitive. Most fanficiton that I've read doesn't change the characters' personalities or anything, and don't bother to realize that a flawless character is amazingly flawed, just check out Jarly. Guess what this means? It is repetitive to keep a character's personality intact especially when that character is poorly developed. I mean, selfless and near unkillable? You haven't introduced anything that makes him appealing as a character. If you only want cookie-cutter built characters that have everything premade, and these characters have been used multiple times, don't expect your writing to be appealing at all.

[Parrhesia]

Also do you even know Naruto, because you really dont seem like you do.

What gave you that impression? My outwardly saying that I had no idea who the characters were, or my utter and displayed lack of knowledge the setting? And, well, this fanfic has shown me the error of my ways. I was merely evading Naruto by COINCIDENCE before.

Most people read fanfiction about things they have KNOWLEDGE about. Just sayin.

Well, I am an incredibly strange man.

"Okay, that's enough for today Naruto." Naruto panted as he slipped out of his fighting stance and collapsed onto the ground.

Split personality!

He looked at the sky as he tried to catch his breath. Jiraiya stood across from Naruto, and he was slightly winded as well, but he wasn't about to let Naruto know that. Ever since they were back from their training trip five years ago, Jiraiya would stop in the village once every few months to have an intense training session with Naruto. Mostly because he wanted to see how the boy progressed, but also because he liked seeing the boy.

...Is Jiraiya the 'Pervy Sage' guy?

"You know Ero-Sennin I can tell you're tired.

Senile Erotica? WHAT?

...oh, right. Misread partially due to terrible lack of puncuation.

That must mean you're getting old huh?" Naruto said with a grin from his place on the ground.

"Old! I can still kick your ass easily kid. Don't forget that." Naruto sat up and yawned.

I wouldn't have to keep making these jokes about Narry talking to himself if you would use spacing correctly. i.e

"You fucking idiot, Naruto."

Naruto scratched his groin.

Is far less ambiguous than

"You fucking idiot, Naruto." Naruto scratched his groin.

which is literally one key away from

"You fucking idiot, Naruto," Naruto scratched his groin.

which is a poorly worded version of

"You fucking idiot, Naruto," Naruto snapped, scratching his groin.

"Yea yea I hear you old man." Jiraiya's eye twitched. "Anyway, I'm gonna go try and get some ramen with Sakura-Chan."

"You mean Mini-Tsunade?

"No, I mean Sakura."

You're still after her?" Naruto glared at the Toad Sage.

...No, this segment LITERALLY MEANS out of context that Naruto said that. While glaring at an amphibian.

i'm going to feel really stupid if toads aren't amphibians

"Shut up. I'm not like you." Jiraiya laughed.

"Of course you're not kid. Have you told her about the fox?" Naruto looked down at the ground and sighed. "I'll take that as a no."

"Well what do you expect! How can I tell her that? 'Hey Sakura-Chan I have the demon that terrorized our village 18 years ago trapped inside my body, and he tries to break out every day. Do you wanna get some ramen with me?' Somehow I don't think that would work."

It WOULD be hilarious. Which is what this story needs at the moment. Literally anything to get me to want to read another phlegm-coated fragment.

"I know you're just going to tell me to blow it out my ass, but she's not just going to hate you. She's been your friend for what, six years now? She would stick by you Naruto, you should believe in her." Naruto stood up and started to walk away.

"You're right. You should blow it out your ass."

oh my fucking god blondie

He said without turning to face Jiraiya. Jiraiya sighed and decided to pay a quick visit to Tsunade before he left the village again. If he was lucky, he would catch her drunk. With a perverted giggle, he leapt into the trees towards the Hokage Tower.

...I had two coins in my mouth for some reason. They literally fell out as I gaped and stared at how fucked up this paragraph is.

I DID manage to guess the Erotic Canetoad's 'identitty' (which is a typo that, in context, I am prepared to keep), though.

Naruto sighed as he watched more fireworks explode. When he heard footsteps approach him, he didn't bother to look up, he knew who it was.

Narry literally has eyes in the back of his head. He's still beautiful, though, and everyone loves him.

"What do you want Kakashi."

I want you to use punctuation noheart.

Kakashi sighed, he knew that when Naruto didn't use the 'sensei' part, he wasn't in a good mood.

He's said 'Sensei' between zero and two times before. We're all fucked.

"I can't wish one of my students a happy birthday?" Kakashi asked as he took a seat next to Naruto.

"Yea, well you're the only one."

Prick.

"That's because you never told anyone what day you're birthday was." Naruto sat up and looked down at the festivities that went on below. Women squealed and men drank, all having a great time.

FOREVER ALONE

"You know, when I was younger, I used to pretend that all of this was for me. That everyone in the village decided to throw me a huge birthday party. But, whenever I tried to go, people would throw things at me and tell me to 'get lost demon bitch.'

...um

At the end of the day, I always ended up in my apartment alone and crying." Kakashi was shamed by the treatment the villagers gave Naruto. He was even more ashamed that he let his sensei's only son go through all of this without supporting him at all.

Don't feel ashamed. Release all your anger on him. Start by smashing his head open with a brick. He should start healing by the time you've set him up for torture.

'Minato-Sensei, if you can hear me…I'm sorry."]

He said Sensei. It's all cool.

"Sakura was looking for you." Naruto turned his head to Kakashi, and his eyes widened for a second, but they quickly returned to normal.

"Did you..."

"I told her I would go look for you. Do you not want to see her?" Naruto looked back over the village.

"I don't know. Did she seem worried?" Kakashi nodded.

"A lot of people were looking for you. The only one who wasn't was Sasuke, and that's because he knows why you're not there. Don't you think you could join everyone this year? It would make all of your friends happy."

So fucking special.

"What about the villagers? They sure as hell don't want to see me."

I instinctively like the villagers.

"It's gotten better over the years; most of them are just indifferent now. And most ninja respect you.

WHY

This needs to be a double-post. Ran out of quote tags or something.

[Parrhesia]

XxX

"Please Sasuke-Kun! Just one dance?" Sasuke sighed and stood up from his seat. He'd be damned if Ino ruined his night with her complaining. Normally he wouldn't have ever accepted a dance with Ino, but he had a few drinks in him already, and he was in a better mood then his usual 'fuck-off or die' mood. Ino squealed as she dragged him to the dance floor.

Sakura laughed as her best friend had persuaded a half-drunk Sasuke to dance with her.

Indeed. YOU JUST TOLD US.

She watched as Sasuke took Ino's hands and they started to dance to the upbeat music.

Knowing nothing of Naruto, I'll just imagine it's Grimm's theme.

Years ago, she would have killed Ino in a blind rage for taking her Sasuke-Kun away from her.

what

But, lately, she hadn't been feeling anything for the Uchiha. Now she had just a platonic love for him, a brotherly love. Later she would have to tell Sasuke he was a good dancer, even while a little tipsy. She would surely get a few laughs from that. Many other couples were scattered about the dance floor, holding each other as the music played. She envied them, hell she even envied Ino a little. Her duties as a Kunoichi severely interfered with her personal life, and while she loved being a Kunoichi, she hated being alone. Ever since she moved out of her parent's house into her own apartment, she had felt lonelier than ever. Sasuke was back, which was nice, but he was only sociable to a certain point, plus he had a curfew, for obvious reasons, so he was no fun to hang out with. Ino was always out doing something, whether it be on a date or working at the flower shop. And she wasn't really good friends with the rest of the kids from her generation. Most of her time was split between missions, hospital work, and the occasional lesson from Tsunade when neither of them were busy. That only left Naruto, and she couldn't find him. She had asked Kakashi to go find him, but that had been about twenty minutes ago.

I really hope none of that was important.

"Hey Sakura-Chan." She swiftly turned her head and her eyes met cerulean blue.

It's called the 'sky', Sacki.

She smile and stood up from her chair to hug Naruto.

"Naruto! Where have you been?"

Why do you fucking care?

"I uh…I was sleeping?" Naruto lied as he scratched his head.

"Idiot. How could you miss the biggest party in the Leaf Village?"

"It must have...slipped my mind I guess." Sakura put her hands on her hips and smirked.

"Well…I'll let you off the hook if you come dance with me." Naruto's eyes widened as he tried to process what he just heard.

"Y-you want me t-to dance with you…S-Sakura-Chan?" Kakashi slipped away before he intruded on anything else, but not without a perverted giggle. Naruto on the other hand, was doing mental backflips.

"Yep. Now let's go." Sakura dragged Naruto next to where Sasuke and Ino were dancing and smiled at them.

"Uh why is Sasuke dancing with Ino?" Naruto asked with a baffled expression.

"He's a little drunk." Sakura whispered in his ear.

"YORE MY BESH MAYT YOU ISH"

Naruto grinned. He was so going to use this against Sasuke.

Prick.

He quickly made his signature hand seal, and another Naruto poofed into existence.

oh fuck no

The Shadow Clone

You failed to mention that it was a silhouette.

jumped away into the night, leaving Sakura with a confused look on her face.

"Where is he going?"

"He's getting a camera from my apartment."

... ... ... ...Did I mention I'm going to burn every copy of Naruto I ever see?

Sakura laughed

You are the citizen who points the way to the Jewish hideout.

as she took Naruto's hands, causing the blonde to blush profusely. Sakura noted this and giggled.

"Jeez

Because this festival gave out a real Christian vibe, yanno

six years and you still can't stop the blushing." Naruto stuttered as he tried to formulate a response, but it was to no avail. "Would you shut up and dance with me now?" Naruto stopped his babbling and smiled. They started to dance, and Naruto surprised Sakura by spinning her around and catching her, and then with a few spins of his own. "Uh, Naruto, when the hell did you learn how to dance?" Naruto laughed as he lifted Sakura off the ground, causing her to squeal.

Someone kill them both.

"Ero-Sennin told me I needed to learn how to dance if I ever wanted a woman to like me. So he taught me."

"Well, I must say I am surprised, and impressed. You really are Leaf Village's Number One Hyperactive Unpredictable Ninja."

is that his real title

god fuck shit damn i hate him so much

They danced for another few minutes, until the song ended and everyone dispersed. The Naruto clone approached Naruto after the dance and handed him a camera, and laughed before dispelling itself.

OH GOD IT'S GOT INDEPENDENT INTELLIGENCE

Naruto put the phone

But what about the camera?

in his pocket and zipped it shut. Sakura looked at the boy's clothing and laughed.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"It's just, I remember when you used to wear that orange jumpsuit."

"You mean the only thing that makes me actually resemble the anime character?"

"Yeah, that one!"

Naruto looked down at himself as he examined the new clothing he wore.

Only a strait-jacket is fit for you, my boy.

When he made Jonin, Tsunade forced him to wear a different color, because he would be taking on more dangerous missions. His new attire consisted of black shinobi sandals, black Hakama pants, a fishnet undershirt,

*thinks back to UT Necris females*

a red shirt

Please. Please, please, please tell me he's going to die.

with black along the edges, and a black Jonin vest. When he went on missions, he would wear a black cloak with the kanji for TOAD on the back. He said it was a symbol of respect for his sensei and the Fourth Hokage, and because he was currently training to become the next Toad Sage.

Yeah! ...That!

"Oh yea, I miss that old thing."

THEN WEAR IT, YOU DUMB SHIT. OR ARE YOU SO VEGETATIVE YOU CAN ONLY WEAR ONE ITEM OF CLOTHING NOW?

Naruto said as he remembered his old attire. They walked back over to a table and sat down. Sasuke and Ino continued dancing, and Naruto shook his head. "I hope he's not too mad at Ino tomorrow." Sakura looked back at the duo and sighed.

"I don't think Ino will care. Right now she's in heaven." Sakura looked at her watch and realized it was 1:30. "Wow, it's that late already? I should get home, I don't want to be too tired tomorrow." Naruto stood up as she did.

"Okay, I'll walk you." Sakura smiled and they slowly made their way away from the party. They walked through the empty streets, seeing as everyone was either asleep or still at the festival.

"So, where were you really?" Naruto looked over at Sakura and scratched his head.

"I still can't lie to you can i?" Sakura shook her head.

"Nope. Now spill it."

"I was on top of the Hokage monument."

"The Hokage monument? Why were you up there?"

"Uh you know…pondering life?" Sakura looked at Naruto incredulously.

Why is Sakura saying this?

"What I really was."

Don't make me break out into my Super Happy Punctuation Song.

He said as he put his hands up in defense.

HIT HIM

"And what were you pondering?"

"Just the past few years. Finally getting Sasuke back, training with Ero-Sennin, and…other things." Sakura nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"More than you know. But I don't think I can." Sakura was taken aback by that answer. Naruto always shared his problems; he was never scared to say something.

WHAT A GUY

now stab him

"Naruto…what is it?" They stopped outside of Sakura's apartment, and Naruto sighed.

"Don't worry about it Sakura-Chan, just get some sleep. I'll tell you someday." With that, Naruto jumped onto the roof of an adjacent building and building hopped into the night. Sakura unlocked her door and kicked her shoes off. She went into her room and undressed quickly, leaving on her underwear and mesh underlay. She didn't feel like changing, she was too tired. She collapsed onto her bed and snuggled in effortlessly. Before drifting off to sleep, she thought of Naruto one more time.

'Idiot. How can I not worry about you when you act like that? Naruto…what's wrong?'

What's wro- he's got a RED shirt! KILL HIM!

XxX

A/N: Well, there's chapter numero uno. Basically just setting up the story, with a fun little Naru/Saku moment, and making fun of Sasuke is always good fun.

Fun, fun, fun, fun...I not so excited, believe me. And if this doesn't improve BY Friday I may impale someone on the Naruto staff.

By the way that does not mean there will be a Sasuke/Ino pairing. That was just a fun little thing I added in there. After all, alcohol can make you do crazy things. This was a little on the short side for a chapter, but I didn't want to get too far into the story. So that's where things stand at the moment. If you have any suggestions on how to have Naruto break the news to Sakura

Try 'giving her a birthday cake, having a prostitute burst out of it and whisper whatever it is into her ear'.

that would be great.

That WOULD be great.

I have a few ideas, but nothing really stands out. Anyway, expect chapter two kinda soon. Peace.

Hngh. What is it good for? Absol-

Look, kid, this story needs a lot of help. I mean, fuck, I know NOTHING about the canon, and even I was able to pick a thousand flaws from it. Okay? Improve. Become someone who can actually write. Move on from fanfiction into working in your own worlds, eventually. That's what I feel everyone should aspire to. For now, you need a LOT of work on the basics. The most vital is a basic knowledge of structure, and secondary to that; literally the only good thing about English is its variety. You are utterly failing to make use of it.

Edited May 19, 2011 by Furetchen

[Strawman]

Hmmm...well I know a lot more about Naruto and I can say there are many parts, Furetchen, where your why's and what's would be answered by the readers general knowledge of the show/manga. I mean if he went and explained everything that Naruto fans already knew, it'd be 100 times less interesting. You don't have to explain a source a piece of writing is based on if your audience has already read/seen/heard said source. You might want to mention things a little sometimes just because it could help your story, but don't get bogged down in details and explanation.

Admittedly though, I didn't have the patience to read the entire thing.

As for your whole character thing that was going on earlier, I don't think not having the correct names to all of the jutsu is really that big of a deal. I mean with Naruto its pretty easy because he really doesn't use that many techniques. Same with Sasuke. They pretty much have certain ones they stick with when they fight.

Okay so I actually started reading it and I came across this:

To this day, no one of the younger generation, besides Sasuke, knew about the Nine-Tailed Fox's connection with Naruto. He wanted to tell them, but he was still terrified of what their reactions might be. On multiple occasions, Jiraiya and Tsunade had tried to convince Naruto to tell his friends, but it never worked.

I'm pretty sure...well actually I'm 100% sure the entire village knows Naruto has the fox inside him... Its kind of the whole reason nobody liked him in the first place. Sasuke fought against him like that. Sakura has seen him in its form. People know...well maybe not like the little little kids but still.

[Parrhesia]

Hmmm...well I know a lot more about Naruto and I can say there are many parts, Furetchen, where your why's and what's would be answered by the readers general knowledge of the show/manga. I mean if he went and explained everything that Naruto fans already knew, it'd be 100 times less interesting. You don't have to explain a source a piece of writing is based on if your audience has already read/seen/heard said source. You might want to mention things a little sometimes just because it could help your story, but don't get bogged down in details and explanation.

No, really? What I take offence to is that A) I loathe approximately all of the cast, B) the lore that is given drags on and on and on, C) the setting is inconsistent within itself and D) I counted exactly no outright 'why's in the last post that can be answered by any lore. Okay? Don't patronise me about this, I know what I'm talking about.

[noheartx]

Hmmm...well I know a lot more about Naruto and I can say there are many parts, Furetchen, where your why's and what's would be answered by the readers general knowledge of the show/manga. I mean if he went and explained everything that Naruto fans already knew, it'd be 100 times less interesting. You don't have to explain a source a piece of writing is based on if your audience has already read/seen/heard said source. You might want to mention things a little sometimes just because it could help your story, but don't get bogged down in details and explanation.

Admittedly though, I didn't have the patience to read the entire thing.

As for your whole character thing that was going on earlier, I don't think not having the correct names to all of the jutsu is really that big of a deal. I mean with Naruto its pretty easy because he really doesn't use that many techniques. Same with Sasuke. They pretty much have certain ones they stick with when they fight.

Okay so I actually started reading it and I came across this:

I'm pretty sure...well actually I'm 100% sure the entire village knows Naruto has the fox inside him... Its kind of the whole reason nobody liked him in the first place. Sasuke fought against him like that. Sakura has seen him in its form. People know...well maybe not like the little little kids but still.

the fic is AU (alternate Universe) its not specifically based on the actual Naruto timeline, its much different

[BK-201]

the fic is AU (alternate Universe) its not specifically based on the actual Naruto timeline, its much different

Yet the characters are cookie-cut outs.

[noheartx]

you know youve said that like ten times? i get it, you dont like when characters are similar to their tv/game/whatever else counterparts. but i do.

[BK-201]

you know youve said that like ten times? i get it, you dont like when characters are similar to their tv/game/whatever else counterparts. but i do.

I'll stop when you get the point. You don't bother to tweak them a little or actually make them interesting. Naruto is flawless; he's selfless and the closest thing to a flaw is that he likes to poke fun.

[Parrhesia]

And he's utterly unlikable. I don't honestly give a damn whether or not this is in any respect canonical, but he isn't a sympathetic character in the slightest when it's clear you're billing him as such.

[noheartx]

I'll stop when you get the point. You don't bother to tweak them a little or actually make them interesting. Naruto is flawless; he's selfless and the closest thing to a flaw is that he likes to poke fun.

i get the point, ur opinion just doesnt matter to me, considering you have no knowledge of Naruto.

[BK-201]

i get the point, ur opinion just doesnt matter to me, considering you have no knowledge of Naruto.

Next time you ask for feedback on a Naruto fanfic from a Fire Emblem forum remind everyone you won't take their advice anywhere even if it doesn't relate to the plot (Hint: Furetchen). Also, proper punctuation and proper English is also very important in writing.

[noheartx]

Next time you ask for feedback on a Naruto fanfic from a Fire Emblem forum remind everyone you won't take their advice anywhere even if it doesn't relate to the plot (Hint: Furetchen). Also, proper punctuation and proper English is also very important in writing.

i know proper punctuation.grammar is improtant, ive just started writing, im not very good. not many people start off on their first story with it being fantastic

[BK-201]

i know proper punctuation.grammar is improtant, ive just started writing, im not very good. not many people start off on their first story with it being fantastic

If you admit you're a bad writer, why not take advice from people who can write? ;)

[Parrhesia]

i get the point, ur opinion just doesnt matter to me, considering you have no knowledge of Naruto.

I get the point, you're a lost cause. Ain't stopping me from trying despite not giving a shit about Narry, considering how hilarious this is.

[eclipse]

My turn~!

-This is AU. Many things will be different, that's just how I wanted the story to go.

You are either better than me, Furet, Shuuda, and Kiryn combined, or this is gonna go badly.

-This is Naru/Saku, I know a lot of people don't like that pair, but it is my favorite pair, so that's what I'm doing. I may add in a secondary pairing, but I don't know how far that will go. I find that too many pairings can kill a story, so only one secondary pair would be in the story, if I decide to throw one in.

If your story has romance, don't force it. If it doesn't, don't sweat it. I prefer the latter.

-A lot of the Jutsu in this will be made up, because I really don't feel like going on the Wiki and looking up Jutsus. Yes I'm lazy, but I'll make them realistic. Obviously, people's main Jutsus like Rasengan, Chidori etc. will be in here.

BS on top of BS. I'm. . .suddenly not interested.

-Everything in this story will be written in English, except I will be adding the honorifics to certain people's names, because I think it sounds a lot better. (I think Pervy Sage just sounds ridiculous)

This isn't encouraging (though I do agree about Jiraiya's horrid nickname).

-This is Rated M, so if you can't handle that, don't read it.

Move this to the first line.

Here are my impressions from reading your notes:

1. You are putting your own preferred pairing in here. Fine, but don't screw it up. You mentioned AU, so I'll buy it for now.

2. You have decided to make things up as you go (in terms of jutsu). I don't know if I'll be able to stomach that.

3. I think I'm gonna hate the naming system.

I'm not finding this to be an encouraging start. I'll conveniently ignore the rest of the comments and see how far I can go through this.

Each one was known for their unparalleled strength and courage, especially the Fourth Hokage. The same Hokage who gave his life to protect his village when the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked The Village Hidden in the Leaves 19 years ago.

This is awkward, in terms of sentence structure. As much as I hate long sentences, that's the vibe I'm getting from this passage. . .

On this very day, October 10th, possibly the worst day in Leaf Village history, the Nine-Tailed Fox nearly decimated the village. Only because of the valiant efforts of the Fourth Hokage did the Leaf Village survive.

. . .and you repeated yourself.

*sees Sasuke in the village*

That's not as bad as I feared it would be. However, this writing style feels like I'm reading the narrator's notes from the anime.

*skips flashbacks before stomach gives out*

"What do you want Kakashi." Kakashi sighed, he knew that when Naruto didn't use the 'sensei' part, he wasn't in a good mood.

Here's the exact same passage, as it should have been written:

"What do you want, Kakashi?" Kakashi sighed. When Naruto didn't use the 'sensei' part, he knew that the younger ninja wasn't in a good mood.

Normally he wouldn't have ever accepted a dance with Ino, but he had a few drinks in him already,

WHOA, STOP! Sasuke's old enough to drink?! That paragraph is way too long. Please break it up.

her eyes met cerulean blue

We already know that Naruto's eyes are cerulean blue. You don't need to remind us every other passage.

I think that's it for me. Any more and I will be very ill.

[Inactive Account]

Wait what eh I'm on the good list? *utterly confused, assumes she's just there as a benchmark for either mediocrity or knowing when to remove embarrassments*

(Did you see me lurking the topic to read people's responses or something?)