73 replies to this topic

[Shuuda]

As for your last question: so you may flame them and exclaim your mistakes are correct.

Excuse me? Since when was I flaming anyone here? I am allowed to argue in my defense you know. Just because I let people criticize my work, it does not mean that I cannot disagree with things they say, or that I have to take it all for face value.

As Lachesis pointed out as well, many of Loki's criticisms are questionable.

[Deity]

Quite often I've spoke upon deaf ears, so I figured to ask first. Simple as that.

As for your last question: so you may flame them and exclaim your mistakes are correct.

Oh, pwned.

Admit it, Shuuda, you like criticizing others, but when it comes to taking criticism back, you are just to stubborn to realize you need help. All your work is great...no, it's not even close. Lachesis just came to your defense.

Admit it, you have alot of work to do. You forgot to input words, you have too much problems when it comes to proper grammar, your over use of the semicolon is taxing, and certainly your characters get boring when they over repeat the same action word over and over.

Excuse me? Since when was I flaming anyone here? I am allowed to argue in my defense you know. Just because I let people criticize my work, it does not mean that I cannot disagree with things they say, or that I have to take it all for face value.

As Lachesis pointed out as well, many of Loki's criticisms are questionable.

They are not questionable, Lachesis just came to your defense to sweeten things up.

And you have flamed me by calling me ingnorant and whatnot. But fret not, it's not the first time you say something flammative.

Good luck with all the editing.

[Shuuda]

but when it comes to taking criticism back, you are just to stubborn to realize you need help.

I believe you need to look in the mirror more often. I have never once claimed to never need help with fixing errors. I even make changes to my work based on their comments. You see, unlike you, I do not go around claiming to be a brilliant writer. So when I make mistakes, I do not look so retarded. It is very obvious to anyone reading this that you enjoy getting shots on my pride; but you're really not doing anything other than work for me.

Did you even read your own posts in the "Raid" feedback thread... namely the post where you stated you did not need feedback? Would you like me to find it for you myself, just in case you cannot find it? Jeez...

Lachesis just came to your defence.

Funny how nobody ever comes to side with you. I was more than capable of defending myself, but if both Lachesis and I spotted mistakes in your comments, then maybe that says something. I also noted how funny it is that you avoid confronting what Lachesis said... is he too intelligent for you to handle?

They are not questionable, Lachesis just came to your defence to sweeten things up.

If your comments were unquestionable, then how did Lachesis and I question them? We both pointed out pretty much the same things, and you have yet to justify any of it.

And you have flamed me by calling me ingnorant (ignorant) and whatnot.

I never specified you personally. But yes, I believe that people who promote censorship on people's opinion to art are ignorant. Prove me wrong if you want. Besides, it is not flaming if it is a fact.

As Lachesis pointed out, your spiteful intention is glaringly obvious.

you have too much problems when it comes to proper grammar

You mean: "you have too many problems when it comes to proper grammar," right?

Good luck with all the editing.

Edited version of chapter nine is already up. But thanks anyway.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 12:08 PM.

[Deity]

I believe you need to look in the mirror more often. I have never once claimed to never need help with fixing errors. I even make changes to my work based on their comments. You see, unlike you, I do not go around claiming to be a brilliant writer. So when I make mistakes, I do not look so retarded. It is very obvious to anyone reading this that you enjoy getting shots on my pride; but you're really not doing anything other than work for me.

--I wouldn't call it work, more like pointing out your mistakes. Mistakes that you keep making over and over despite people telling you in several forums what your problem is. You don't seem to be very bright, you don't look like you are making improvements.

Funny how nobody ever comes to side with you. I was more than capable of defending myself, but if both Lachesis and I spotted mistakes in your comments, then maybe that says something. I also noted how funny it is that you avoid confronting what Lachesis said... is he too intelligent for you to handle?

--I don't care about what Lachesis says, this matter is with the writer of the story; you, who desperately needs help...and a bunch of it at that. And, I don't need to hide behind the aid of others

You like going into my stories and pin pointing every little detail that you think needs help, so here I am too, take it like you said you could take it. More than arguing, maybe you should say something like: Ok, I admit many of those mistakes are my bad, I haven't improved one bit, I should go and edit that stuff

If your comments were unquestionable, then how did Lachesis and I question them? We both pointed out pretty much the same things, and you have yet to justify any of it.

--I don't need to justify anything. I pointed out what was wrong, it's up to you if you want to improve. From the looks of it, you don't. I believe that the next chapter you write will just bring about the same thing; over use of semicolons, problems with usage of commas, word selection, setencing structuring and character development.

I never specified you personally. But yes, I believe that people who promote censorship on people's opinion to art are ignorant. Prove me wrong if you want.

--So you admit you've been flaming me? No need to, I knew that from the very first time you went to give "feedback"
I detect people like you simply by reading what you post.

As Lachesis pointed out, your spiteful intention is glaringly obvious.

--spiteful my ass, I'm trying to correct your baby ways. Stop using semicolons all the time in nearly every godamn sentence you write. Before actually posting the chapter, why don't you go back over and check your writing? You forget to insert important words. I may have a little trouble with a few typos but at least I don't over use semicolons and you surely will never find a left out word that was vital to a sentence.

You mean: "you have too many problems when it comes to proper grammar," right?
Edited version of chapter nine is already up. But thanks anyway.

--Yeah, like you say: I'ts fine the way it is, or something like that.
Also, I bet that if I went back to reading the edited version I'd still find mistakes. But I wont, I have other stuff to do than to keep trying to get something through your thick little brain. You need help
!

Somebody help this guy already.

Edited by Löki, 19 February 2009 - 12:19 PM.

[Bohemund]

Excuse me? Since when was I flaming anyone here? I am allowed to argue in my defense you know. Just because I let people criticize my work, it does not mean that I cannot disagree with things they say, or that I have to take it all for face value.

As Lachesis pointed out as well, many of Loki's criticisms are questionable.

Calm down, it was just a joke. I figured you'd catch the reference.

“'Cause I thought it was a good idea. You didn't seem so bothered about it with that Jaeri person.” Markus let go of her, turning back towards Morgan. He had vanished. Markus was was infuriated: yelling for Morgan to return. “Forget it Markus, he's gone,” Elissa was inattentive in her reply. Markus shook her around again.

I've changed my mind about this sentence. I really don't know anything about colons, but I realized the verb tense. If I am not mistaken, your story is told in present tense, no? Well, was is past tense; it'd be better replaced with grew or became. If I am wrong about that, then yelling would need to be made past tense.

Edited by Bohemund, 19 February 2009 - 12:48 PM.

[Shuuda]

Lachesis and I have already given clear arguments as to why many of your comments are wrong. But since you prefer to taunt and provoke me instead of actually trying to argue with our points, your motive of revenge is obvious.

Please comeback when you can actually rebuke the points presented by Lachesis and I.

[Deity]

Another thing you can really improve on, Shuuda, is actually learning how to write a sentence. You show no variety, you start your sentences almost the same way all the time. If it's not by using a : right away after you say something, then you use a ; and you don't need that.

Also, you leave too many words out, which like I said tend to ruin sentences because those words are vital to it; to making the sentence clear and understandable.

I'd improve on that if I was having that kinda trouble.

Edited by Löki, 19 February 2009 - 12:38 PM.

[Red Fox of Fire]

Loki, just don't post here anymore. Get off your high horse and realize that it's time for you to stop.

[Shuuda]

Also, you leave too many words out, which like I said tend to ruin sentences because those words are vital to it; to making the sentence clear and understandable.

This has been fixed in the latest edit with what you pointed out. But feel free to point out some other examples.

I'd improve on that if I was having that kinda trouble.

I believe I pointed out the problems of sentence construction in the "Raid" feedback thread. So let's hope so.

[Deity]

Loki, just don't post here anymore. Get off your high horse and realize that it's time for you to stop.

Oh yeah, show me what I did wrong?

If I can't post feedback here, then I believe I have the rights to call off feedback for my stories as well. I did nothing wrong.

[Shuuda]

If I can't post feedback here, then I believe I have the rights to call off feedback for my stories as well. I did nothing wrong.

You already posted your feedback, which I already took to account and thanked you for. But your recent posts have clearly been provocative, with hints of insults. Instead of addressing what Lachesis and I said, you go on a zealous rampage to call me out as bad, over typos.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 12:47 PM.

[Deity]

You already posted your feedback, which I already took to account and thanked you for. But your recent posts have clearly been provocative, with hints of insults. Instead of addressing what Lachesis and I said, you go a zealous rampage to call me out as bad, over typos.

No, you did not take it into account, rather you hid behind lachesis and said something that went along the line of my point outs being incorrect.

Anyway Shuuda, I see that people here tend to take me as if I am flaming when I aint, you people just over react. This is the last time I give feedback to you, and I do hope you improve on all the things I pointed out to you, you need the help.

As to me, please respect my decision whether I want feedback or not. I was just making a point that you cant take feedback very well either. Good day.

[Shuuda]

No, you did not take it into account, rather you hid behind lachesis and said something that went along the line of my point outs being incorrect.

I never said everything you said was wrong. I said that I edited anything I did not respond to... did you read the post?

I was just making a point that you cant take feedback very well either. Good day.

Yeah, I take it really badly. That's why I edit my work... because I cannot accept that was something wrong with it.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 12:56 PM.

[Deity]

This has been fixed in the latest edit with what you pointed out. But feel free to point out some other examples.

Actually, I went back to reading your edited version. Guess what, many of your mistakes are still there, but I am not going to point them out. Take for example: Galving was sat

It should be Galving was sitting You didn't edit that. There are others but I will not go over all of them.

I never said everything you said was wrong. I said that I edited anything I did not respond to... did you read the post?
Yeah, I take it really badly. That's why I edit my work... because I cannot accept that was something wrong with it.

*Shakes head* You just fix what you think deserves to be fixed up, but you still left out many errors unfixed.

I did read it.

And so now I come to the conclusion to say this to you: We both know we aint perfect, we both need help. As to my case with wanting feedback or not, you probably know why I don't want any feedback. I want to avoid trouble like this. As I have said before in my story threads, I know I will make mistakes, but I will find them on my own. I don't need people pointing them out to me, especially when people tend to do it in a bad way. So surely I will find them and correct them, and in the future avoid them, which I have.

Moreover, you have ridiculed my work before, I have ridiculed yours. You have called my work crap, I have called yours something along that line. You have said my work will never get published, I agree, by the looks of it neither will yours. I need help, so do you. In different ways but we do. I call this Shuuda/Löki feedback war over. We are just making fools out of ourselves and I want that to end, despite what you might think.

Improve on what you think needs improving, as will I. Just remember that we all have different views and writing styles. My style will never be like yours and vice versa.

--When I actually post something up, there wont be any feedback, and anyone is free to read it, why would I post it up if I did not want people to read it? What you should know is that many of the crappy stories I wrote was just self inserts, nothing serious to be honest if you ask me. And so now, truly, I bid my adieu. Good luck in the future.

[Shuuda]

"Galving was sat" is perfectly fine. It says the same thing as your suggestion, but quicker.

*Shakes head* You just fix what you think deserves to be fixed up, but you still left out many errors unfixed.

Despite what you believe, you are not always right. I am allowed to challenge what you say, and since you have yet to argue with the points that Lachesis and I presented, you have yet to prove your correctness. I fixed anything that I could argue against.

We both know we aint perfect, we both need help.

I know I will make mistakes,

That is not what you said in the feedback thread for your story.I could bring out a whole stack of quotes from your feedback threads if you want. Your false modesty is unconvincing.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 02:00 PM.

[Bohemund]

"Galving was sat" is perfectly fine. It says the same thing as your suggestion, but quicker.

The phrase was sat is always incorrect. Depending on verb tense, it'b be correct to use either sitting or seated in sat's stead. However, if you simply removed was, then you give Galvin the action of sitting. Use whichever verb tense best suits your story.

Edited by Bohemund, 19 February 2009 - 01:50 PM.

[Shuuda]

Fair enough, it's been changed to "Galvin sat on a wooden chair in the corner".

However, purely for the sake of argument in my defence:

Surely, in modern English colloquial usage, "She was sat on the floor" is perfectly acceptable as a passive form, meaning "Somebody put her into a sitting position on the floor." Thereafter, clearly, "She was sitting on the floor" of her own volition, as it were.
In another context, one might find, "The wedding ushers sat guests in church according to whether they were from the bride's side or the groom's."
There's nothing whatever wrong with either!

colloquial usage involves "correct grammar" just as much as formal English does...it's just that it isn't quite the same grammar!

but as informal usage becomes accepted as "proper" usage, it may come to be accepted , at least in British English, if not American English.

These quotes suggest that "was sat" is an acceptable colloquialism.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 02:16 PM.

[Bohemund]

The first example about the girl had it's meaning changed when was sat was given the meaning was placed. I still would use seated in that case to keep the author's original intent. I cannot argue about the sentence involving ushers, though. However, that isn't your intended use of the word. You wanted Galvin to sit on his own, with no direction or aid.

[Shuuda]

You wanted Galvin to sit on his own, with no direction or aid.

Remember the context of the scene. The guard might of made him sit there. Perhaps not physically, but by ordering him to do so. Therefore, it is interpretable that Galvin is not sat on the chair entirely by free will.

I have changed the sentence like you suggested regardless, since that interpretation might not be clear.

Edited by Shuuda, 19 February 2009 - 02:37 PM.

[Bohemund]

Remember the context of the scene. The guard might of made him sit there. Perhaps not physically, but by ordering him to do so.

This is where I must apologize once again for not actually reading your story. My statements were purely based on what I saw here. When I finally read your story, I'll be sure to come back to this.
____
EDIT:

Actually, this just came to mind:

colloquial

While this word deems your grammar correct, stories and books should be written formally, not informally (unless a character is speaking).

Edited by Bohemund, 19 February 2009 - 03:08 PM.