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About Rubenio

  • Birthday 02/16/99

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  • Favorite Fire Emblem Game
    Binding Blade

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  1. What do you mean, you can't use staves?! But I thought you used a warp staff to escape Archanea! Twice! That was just dumb luck! All I did was wave the staff around, pretending to write my home address on the air! Well, maybe that is how you use a staff... you made it back home both times, did you not? Actually, the first time I don't even know where I landed. It wasn't my room, that's for sure. It just so happened to be yet another videogame nerd's room. There was some weirdo behind the couch, but other than that, I could at least play some games before Rody dragged my ass back. I guess the second time was just pure dumb luck. Great. That's... great news. While I figure out how to use this thing... there is one thing I would like to know. Yes? Before you... left... you were telling the chump and I how you ended up working for Marth... could you finish the story? ... It happened a long time ago, when I was a knight for my old kingdom. There was a rebellion and my liege ordered me to suppress it. But what I met was no army... They were poor peasants, unable to survive the harsh winter due to the poor harvest. They didn't intend to fight. But, in order to survive... they had no choice but to make themselves heard. My liege understood that and ordered me to slay them to set an example. And I... followed that order. !! That's... I used to think absolute loyalty to one's liege was a knight's most important duty. But, I was mistaken. So, I left my liege and spent a long time wandering... You didn't have much of a choice, did you? So why blame yourself? I... can't forgive myself. "I was just following orders... It wasn't my fault..." I could tell myself that endlessly, but deep inside I'd never be convinced. And it would not erase my sins. I can't forgive myself more than anyone. ... A liege I could swear loyalty to from the bottom of my heart... I searched far and wide for such a liege and finally I found him. Prince Marth is my liege. As long as I fight for him, I can be a true knight. I see... A knight isn't a puppet that blindly follows orders. That is not loyalty. To fight for a cause I believe in, under a liege I believe in. That is what it means to be a knight. ...that was beautiful... O-oh! It's reacting! I can see that! Are you sure it's going to get us back? I-I have no idea! I forgot to wave it around! It just started to glow for no reason! What!? Be c-- DAAAAAAMN IT AAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!! Part 50 - Time-space mayhem A couple of things. Yes, I did forget to give the last update a title. Screw me, unnnh... Also, that dialogue with Arran was copy-pasted directly from his base conversation. I figured, since I'm utterly desecrating his character, I might as well use this as a second chance to show off his amazing supports. Go and read the real thing on serenes, I had to remove a couple lines for continuity's sake. Archanea's cast may not be as well fleshed out as those of the other games in the series, but in my humble opinion, Arran is one of the best, if not the best, "loyal knight" kind of characters in Fire Emblem, and definitely one of the highlights of FE12's base conversations. He's so great, even him dying before the end of the game concludes his story in a satisfactory way. And they just couldn't let this end well, right? They just had to fuck it up. Because it's fair that ctr+z works two times just fine, enough for me to forget about the chance of it erasing half the update (why that's a thing is beyond me) but then BOOM, right at the end, half an hour worth of work is gone and THAT, of course, cannot be undone. Can somebody bring a glass to me so I can break it?
  2. Urk... my face... Think positively, my friend! At least this time we were not separated! It's easy for you to say it, considering you and Arran fell on that river overthere... I almost drowned with all the heavy armor. Right, but does your face hurt? It does not, am I right? sigh in any case, where are we? Hmm... Ah! Quickly! Find a place to hide! What's wrong? Look there! What? Who's that? Bad news, I'm afraid... Stop arguing and follow me into that forest! We should be safe there! Urk... and here I thought I was the most fortunate man in the world... then again, I am supposed to be dead...
  3. Has anybody found anything yet? Nothing just yet. No luck... and this place is huge! No wonder everyone always speaks so highly of Khadein... so many useless magical trinkets and artifacts! At this rate, we'll be here all day, and we don't have all day! Hm, perhaps this oddly shaped box... YAAAH! What sort of bad joke is that?! This thing almost shaved my nose off! Hush... I think I have found something we could use. Excellent! What is it? A warp staff. There's a whole bunch of them here. Whoa... an efficient player's dream... let's just borrow one, shall w-- Hold on, are they supposed to glow like this...? Yow! It's a trap! The staves were set up to all trigger at once if unwelcomed hands tried to steal them! What is going on!? AAARGH! NOT AGAIN! UUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHH!!! To be continued Imgur has been acting up again. I tried to upload the images twice last week, and another two times this week, and every time, Imgur went ape-shit and jumbled all the pictures without any rhyme or reason. The good news is, I've finally been able to get it to work, so this weekend I'll be able to push the update. I could've just waited 'til then, but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for two weeks. So here, have this tiny interlude. I apologize.
  4. W This is a horrible plan! It will never work! Come now, Ruben. Have some faith in me. Tend to the child while I'm away, will you? But we have no idea how to-- Speak for yourself. I have some basic knowledge on how to mend wounds. I should be able to keep him breathing until you return, Wrys. Excellent. In that case, I shall be off before they notice his absence. Good luck. Hold on! Merric's going to freeze to death without his oversized garb! Just cover him with my own clothes, they're quite warm! Cough! Cough cough... haaack... sniff! A-arran! Not now, of all times... Fret not, for it's no more than this accursed sand. It got in my nostrils somehow, ugh. Please, did you really think we would have brought him back just for him to perish to his sickness shortly after? The Aum's wondrous power cured his disease perfectly. ...but he's got blood pouring out of his mouth and nose... Oh, so that's still there? I haven't had any time to wipe my face clean, and I'm afraid hygiene was not on top of my list of priorities after coming back to the world of the living to begin with. Oh! The others are heading into the castle! I must hurry. Please, Ruben, help me lead these people. ...sure, I'll try. You take care of Merric. Of c--cooough haaack! Wretched sand...! This wasn't supposed to happen again! Part 48 - The good sorcerer. Ha ha ha ha Ja ja ja ja Huehuehuehue Also, pretend* Ahhhh, revenge is a dish best served cold! BWAHAHAHAH! Also, KnightofNohr, this is the kind of thing you're supossed to prevent! Seriously now, i am really honored that you quoted me in your sig. That's two people that have quoted crap you said in this thread in their signatures. How interesting. I can think of a couple people off the top of my head. I mean, the map zooms in on the reinforcements when they show up. Kinda hard not to see them. Then again... I was told the genderless pronoun can also be used with animals! Ha! Take that, Nyna! Fuckin' Nyna, she's even more hateable than Est! Ruben, you've been grinding your teeth for the last month or so. That can't be good for you. Meh, after the first week I got used to it. Please don't. It's way more entertaining like this. Well... okay, I suppose? PS: Yay, convoluted time travel shenanigans! My favorites! Everybody seems to be happy with this turn of events. I wonder just how badly will I let you all down when the time comes... PPS: NO WAY IN pluscuamperfect HELL AM I READING THE ENDING OF THE CHRONICLE. I refuse to put myself through more of Nyna's iconoclastics. Meh. You tried. But I can understand. Neither have I nor would I have done it, either.
  5. Lugh. It just strikes me as obvious for some reason.
  6. ...very well. Tonight, we will set our plan into motion. Does that sound right? ... ...yes, that sounds good enough. I'm sure this'll convince those two to help me kill Etzel and Athena. Sadly, I doubt our strength alone will suffice. Besides-- ACK! Don't startle me like that! For how long have you been eavesdropping on me talking to myself?! My apologies. I simply heard my name and thought you'd called me. Do not worry. I have the key to getting out of this little predicament of yours. Tell me! Just do as they say. It doesn't look so hard! It's hard as hell! Are you kidding me?! He's right, though. And besides, we have neither the strength nor the will to battle one who has lost his child, and the only one bold enough to have dared to approach him in such sorrowful times. So you're leaving me behind, is that it? Not exactly, we're just giving you another chance at redemption you'd have lost had we helped you with your twisted plans. Of course. Just when I thought I had found some allies. But of coooourse you won't help me murder two people in order to save my own skin and get away with my crimes! Very well then! I shall try, and when I fail and die, it'll be your fault! YOUR FAULT! Hey Etzel! C'mere! Warp me away! Let's finish this! Why, you-- you are in no position to talk to me so rudely! Athena... Heheh, finally! It's been two hours since the last time... ...I fear for the future. Something foul shall soon befall. Let us go after him. I, personally, wouldn't want to see either of them dying so soon after the war. Part 47 - Fuck the Chronicles. Man, I never thought writing lame self-insert fanfiction would be so much fun. It's the best part of the whole thing for me! I doubt you guys like it as much as I do, but eehhh...
  7. ... Psst! Hey! ...who is it? It is I, the murderous tactician! Oh, good night! Forgive and forget is the golden principle of life. Please, feel free to come out of the dark. Of course... ...what? It was not a trap? Why would it be? A-anyway, I need your help. Is there any way to repair an aum staff? I... am deeply sorry for what I did... and I want to bring him back. That will be my atonement. Maybe after Pretzel is back I'll be able to forgive myself! You also fear Etzel. No, I-- Don't worry about it. Well, the hammerne staff can repair it, although it is more difficult than usual due to the Aum staff's awesome power, which is why most mages cannot use it while war clouds their minds. Good to know, good to know. Well, the war is over. Thanks to me, I might add. Sadly, our hammerne staff is broken. What?! How!? We used it to revive a few of our fallen soldiers. There you are, Father Wrys! It truly is wonderful to be alive again! I don't think I have thanked you yet-- ... M-my! Arran, I'm delighted to see you alive once again... You sent me to my death. ...please don't call Etzel... But you did defeat Medeus. For that, I thank you. You need not tremble in fear. T-too late for that, I-I'm afraid... I am aware of your situation. While I do not condone of your rather extreme way of taking care of the problem... that boy was not a good influence to Prince Marth. And Etzel has obviously been driven insane by his grief. I am willing to aid you. Likewise. As I said, forgive and forget. And you did say you wish to fix what you did! Thank you, truly. Very well, then-- No! Not now... GUAAAAAGH! So you thought you could escape, did you? It's too bad that I still have the rescue staff, right? Athena... With pleasure. I was not trying to escape! Where could I have gone, huh? If I wanted to escape, I would've gone for the warp staff! Ve don't care. Take this! FIRE! UNNNHHH! Gah... You are improving, Athena. I'm glad. And now, back to work. ...that staff has to go... I need to see Wrys again... Part 46 - Redundancy. To be entirely honest, this update sucks ass and you should skip it, but please refrain from doing so. Reading replies is the best part of this whole LPing schtick. I screwed up and wrote almost the entire update out of the spoiler box. I don't really care, though, it emphasizes the update's crap factor. Enjoy! Jeez, I'm a slow learner, aren't I? What was I thinking, over two weeks ago when I played this? You are too late, Ruben! Your screenshot is ruined! I vent out my frustration by sending Belf to murder this upstanding citizen. His efforts are rewarded with a ridersbane. The next enemy phase went rather well. Well, for Leiden and Belf, that is. Robert, though... (Yes, I did just poorly copy-paste his death edit from the main game, why?) Again. Nice! That's about the best level-up he could've gotten. Come now, past me! Why haven't you pinned down the correct strategy yet?! Are you braindead!?! Well, if present me's IQ is any indication... Two dodges and two crits in a row! Absolutely marvelous! Setting things up. Camus is also heading back north, at last. This is going well. Too well, almost. This is what Camus' fights look like. He's inmensely powerful. And he's getting better. Defense and HP are probably the best stats Camus can get. He has enough offensive stats to murder everything with his silvers: all he needs is the ability to survive it all. He dodged this one, but he would've been in trouble had he not. That's why I like giving him the robe and dragonshield. More Sabre Knights combat. It doesn't go quite as epicly as last time, but it's okay. Also, I think I missed something, because I don't think that's how Robert's hair looks like. And then I do a hilariously retarded move. You see, at this point in time, I still had no idea the Gradivus could be used to heal oneself. Yeah. It took me 3 main game runs and 4-5 attempts at the Beginning chronicle to notice possesing the Gradivus made the "use" command pop up in the menu. Well, we've at least confirmed the whole matter of my brain's deathness. Past me promptly proceeded to murder this man in another hilariously dumb decision. He would come to regret it in three... twoonenoooooooooooooooo...w? Okay, two still. point five? Ah, forget the countdown. This level is useless, Robert! You needn't anymore speed. Oh, amazing! The brigands are down! If only I wasn't such an idiot... the Cavaliers are upon us because of my failure to leave Camus behind. Oh, look everybody! I finally noticed Gradivus' healing power! Joy. Okay, they should't be able to hit Nyna where she stands (behind Camus and Leiden, just so you know). Of course. And she got doubled, too. It was too much to ask, wasn't it? It was too much to ask that you dodged a 75% to save your life, wasn't it, you empty-headed bashi-bazouk?! Urk... you know how this LP has made me grow fond of characters such as Matthis, Frost, Athena, etc.? Well, it's also led me to hate Nyna's guys. She's just so useless and stupid! Understandably at times (I may have whined at the time, but I do understand that leaving your father behind to die a gruesome death would be a pretty harsh thing to be forced to do, especially without any time at all to prepare for it), but then there's stuff like this chronicle's opening that is, quite bluntly, unforgivable. And then there's the fact that she's a walking event flag in these damned bonus chapters! Learn to ride a horse, you! Huhuhuh coughcoughcough. Again, again, again! Leiden speeds up once more, which is what he needs the most, even though I would appreciate some defense and strength. I don't feel like cropping this screenshot. See that title? Yeah. This could almost be considered a dance, if you employed some imagination. Man, I'm now picturing myself riding a horse inside one of those claustrophobia-inducing discos that teenagers like me love so much doing that shit while listening to this. If only... I wouldn't abhor those places so much if I could do that without being thrown out and laughed at. Enough of that, it's time to keep on slaughtering peopl-- CAMUS IS DOWN THERE AGAIN? PAST MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Some more coordinated dancing later, people don't die because the Sabre Knights have low stats to balance out their incredibly OP jackets. Camus also wastes time. Urgh... Then Robert failed miserably to do what I wanted him to do, which was to kill that guy. C'mon! I especifically positioned you so that you would retaliate and kill him! We're going to lose again, but here you can see why giving Camus the ridersbane isn't that useful. I suppose giving him the energy drop would work, but even then I'd have to pray the Paladins didn't spawn with one more point of defense or HP. It's not too reliable. It, again, is too much to ask that you dodge, isn't it? By the way, now that I'm seeing her statsheet again, I realise she actually does have a metric fuckton of luck. Huh. She's so bad at dodging, I'd thought she didn't have any. Anyhow, I didn't even wait for somebody to kill Nyna and resetted inmediately. Déjà vu, anyone? Oh, my! Can it be? I cannot see Camus anywhere! Maybe I finally figured out the strategy! Yeah, I did! Astounding! This here is "the stabbin' ". I'm pretty sure this is a dance people actually do at the disco. And here we witness Leiden's horse getting scared by a spider that's on the floor. No, I'm not running out of ideas, where did you get that idea? These shots of Robert shooting at ruffians are the hardest to comment. There's nothing to say about this! Maybe... the health counter is lying to us! Look, it's empty, but it says 1! I CALL BULLSHIT ON THE INTERFACE! Camus.jpg 95% HP growth. Every other stat not called resistance or magic at 50% or higher. And he gets NOTHING. Curse my luck, I swear to God... how many of these have I gotten? Often times, people go entire runs without ever seeing one of these, save for Jeigans and the like. I've seen, what, four? And this is FE12: Everyone Has Amazing Growths. Unnnhhh... Okay, good. At least he lived. I'm so sorry for the lack of cropping. Oh my God, that Bandit is using the dark-- No, wait, I've already used this. Although, I also have used every single joke because I am very one-note. But hold just a second, maybe I am not as one-note as my severe lack of self-esteem makes me believe. In any case, let's contemplate another non-cropped screencap that reveals Leiden didn't get any levels this time around. As well as Robert using his bow to shield his upper waist. For once, Belf did a better job at dodging and killing than Leiden. Good work, Vergil. And then Leiden dies because the world hates me. I just don't know how to react anymore. I'm afraid I exhausted all my reaction points back in chapter 23. I think I'm going to add a reset counter for this chronicle alone. Jeez. More of this. See the title? Yeah. Fret not, however, we will beat the chapter eventually. More miscelaneous fighting. I think I'm just going to skip all the boring crap I have stored in the Imgur album. Level. Relevant. This, too, is relevant. Speedwing... Fighting... Dancin'! Failing miserably... Nyna surviving a round of combat! Now that's a rare occurence if there ever was one. Stats. These are all great. One more point of speed and I believe he'll double Bulzark. Also, I finally noticed the village. Stats, strats and suckass. Trats. It also seems like the silver lance ran out of uses. Will I remember to equip the sword and save the Gradivus for heals? Mirrored worlds. To answer the question I posed two paragraphs ago: of course I forgot to equip the sword! But at least Camus one-shots these two fools. All things considered, that wasn't so bad. The Horseman sword animations are so weird. What's going on? Is Robert dabbing? Now I'm not so sad he died in the main game... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there we go, the mistake that would screw everything up. But not all is lost. She does have 17 luck! She might dodge yet! NOOOOOOOOO BELF STOP WASTING MY LUCK AWAY WITH UNNECESSARY CRITICAL HITS! Well. Luck be with us... This also happened, but at this point, if Nyna lived, I would've just kept on going. Screw the village, this chapter has enough things to be worried about as it is. Of course, that's a pretty big "if", considering this is Nyna we're talking about. I can't really summon any sort of emotion now, two weeks later, looking at all this misery, but if you can't tell by the particularly gruesome death edit, I was really, REALLY mad at the time. And that's it. Remember when I said we would beat the chronicle eventually? "Eventually" is not today. I'm sorry for wasting your time, everyone. I promise the next update will be better. Reset count: 18 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 4 - Chronicles: 7 - Fucking Nyna (her negative influence is to blame for every other death in the Beginning chronicle): 6) Death count: Linde Samto Navarre Arran Norne Roger Cain Wrys* Frey Cecille Abel Etzel Sedgar Wolf Robert Dice Matthis** Yumina** Ymir PRETZEL *Retreated. **Honorably discharged.
  8. LAST TIME... When did Athena learn to use magic?! Ve vere taught by good friend Etzel. Now ve can hurt you from far. Etzel, why would you do such a thing? You still need me! Really? Well, then. Tell me. How fares your quest thus far? Have you finished that Thief's little story? ...let's say, hypothetically speaking, that I have not. I mean, he's not relevant to this continent's history at all. Just how badly could leaving him behind to die impact life as we know it...? How am I supposed to know? I see... Well, I'm off. The past isn't going to right itself, right? Heh... HAH! Stupid manchild stopped my lightning with his sword! You've much to learn. This is how you do it... Don't you DAREE! Part 45 - I underestimated this chapter's plot. Well, at least somebody enjoyed it. Just kidding, I loved making those.
  9. The guy whose LP introduced me to this game is now watching me play this game. We've gone full circle, have we not? Or, well, more like a... uh... sort of a half-circle...? Either way, I am glad to see you of all people reading my LP. I should've given up on Pretzel being a Mage, just as you gave up on Steve... Just a heads up to y'all, I haven't died. Last week I just sort of... forgot to upload my pictures to imgur. All's well this time though, so be prepared, for this saturday at the latest you will see the first normal update in ages. Maybe two, even, I've enough material for it... although it does get quite redundant around the end. Make of that what you will. Stupid chronicles...
  10. Look at her with my own avatar's reassuring facial expression.
  11. Very well! It's been a tiresome week, but I'm finally home. Isn't that great, Etzel? I'm finally going to be able to continue with our quest! Go on, hurry up. I've places to go. Oh, really? Where? That is none of your bussiness. Heh heh heh heeeh... I bet I know-- !!! ...what? You look pale all of sudden. N... I... it's... ...nothing, nothing! It's all fine! I can do the update, it's totally not ruined at all! Really, now? Then what is the problem? Why aren't you on your way already? B-because, you're supposed to warp me!! To the past! Don't be silly, you know we already did that. All that is left is that you go to that tent over there so you can write up your report. You've already been at the past. It's time for the report. Okay, mr. tutorials. Warp me over to the tent. Can't you walk there yourself? I'm already late. Then by all means, be on your way! ... :) ...what...? "Smileyface"? Is that some sort of arcane spell from your homeland? Be wary, if you try anything fishy, I will unleash the Starlight upon you. ...just gooooo... ...I want that report tonight. Or else, you will face the might of the Starlight. ... WITH (ONE OF) MY LAST BREATH(s), I CURSE IMGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR! Part 44 - Utter misery.
  12. Hahah! Suffer! Gah! Stop it! Where do you think you're going? THUNDER! Ack! Ow ow ow! Unhand me! Yes... this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Etzel. Ve are grateful. Indeed. I haven't had this much fun since my wife passed away... ELFIRE! Jikes! Nooooo my beautiful green ro-- HAH! AHH MY BEAUTIFUL ARM! ...urk... if I may... take my leave... Oh, yes, the mission. I almost forgot. But is he healthy enough to do it? Looks good enough to me. Now, where's the warp staff... I'll look at him while you search. Take that! AAAGH! Don't you think that is enough?! No. ...if I am to die, then... at least... I will tell you one thing... You two make a good couple. You should go ahead, and ...very well. That should do it. You should be thankful Prince Marth was kind enough to lend me this restore staff instead of just sending it to the castle along with everything else. Can I just be off? I'm having trouble feeling my right arm. Yes, sure. Warp! Oh, and... don't waste this chance, okay? Keep her company while you watch me struggleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... ...that isn't such a bad idea... Stupid manchild... I look forward to seeing him fail again. Heh heh... yes... Part 44 - Charging to our doom. The other day I was bored at class and drew a few doodles. I don't know why I'm sharing these aberrations. I sure as hell can tell you I'm not proud of that Elrean. Sorry, man. I tried. Anyway.
  13. Favorite + Least Favorite FE meme?

    I love Wrys. His introduction in the FE12 prologue never fails to make me chuckle. As you can see in my signature, I went to great lengths to ensure he'd be my best unit once. Fun fact: I didn't know the growth drop existed back then. I had to bend the RNG around a lot in order to get him to that point. I don't think I have a least favourite meme, for the simple reason that I just don't really mind FE memes at all. I know a few, but for the most part, the only one I really do remember and enjoy is Wrys' character.
  14. I did quite well last time! I should be done with this in no time, wouldn't you say? You failed. Twice. I've had worse days. ...just be off already before I decide to just kill you. Now, that was uncalled for. Well, you can't do any worse than that... can you? GAH! Stupid warp staff! ...Ursula, give me the strength to endure these trials that await me... give me the patience I will need... Part 43 - It's a small world. This update is long as hell, so I'm glad I already replied to everybody. Let's just get right to it... That can't be good. Stuff it, Etzel. What did you say? Stuff it, Etzel. But, with love. ...
  15. Okay, just one message this time, one, no more until the update. I'm sick of clogging the thread with my "sorry can't be arsed to update" messages. This time, I'm having a problem I... actually never had, surprisingly enough. I can't beat the God forsaken Chronicle! I mean, I could've, but... you'll see. Suffice to say, I'm just not feeling like trying again today. I'm just feeling like replying, so I'll do that real quick.