Valkeir

I changed more than that, as I mentioned Elice calling Kris by his rank is gone. Instead I used AVATAR as this lends more of a confiding nature to the entire conversation. I also rephrased and changed a few other sentences in structure and by rewriting parts, the last sentence is one such example. The formality of using rank to refer to someone feels out of place for such a conversation, because as I mentioned this is something she's confiding in a potential companion of Marth rather than just something she's saying to a random recruit. By using Kris's name instead of their rank it makes the conversation more intimate and implies a sense of intimacy to the conversation. Similar to how if you were a driver for someone then you'd like them more if they called you by name rather just calling you driver all the time, you're more likely to want to help them by them bothering to learn and use your name. I simply applied that principle and reinforced Marth's humanity and contrast to his myth, Elice mentioned "hero-king" more in my version to reinforce to Kris how Marth isn't his legend.

Talking down to isn't belittling someone, there is a subtle difference. For example calling Kris by his rank is one example.

It feels like she's talking down to the player rather than trying to build a rapport with someone she wants guarding her brother, hence the slight tweaks I felt made it more personal and investing.

She actually sounds kind of condescending and superior now (which doesn't fit her at all), the original isn't really that gossip mongering. That said it did have flaws, the main issue it had was the assumption of Kris becoming one of Marth's knights. Though... Given the setting of the prologue that wasn't entirely weird. EDIT: Not an issue with the Avatar/Kris thing, more focused on the actual dialogue. Attached below is how I'd tackle it personally: Overall, yours feels better I just made a few changes based on how I'd tackle it. Mostly making it more personal and adding a slightly deeper (in my eyes) connection for the player.

Just showing signs of life, here's something (not FE related) I've actually finished.

Yeah, I never intended for it to be used for a game so I wasn't bothered about the usual colour restrictions and ran with the design in my head as opposed to usual.

First off apologies in advance, I'm aware that it's generally just FE sprites that people post but I do other styles so to start with here's an image dump to showboat with. First up is FE, which is still a new style for me. I've only ever made two FE mugshots and only have the original of my latest. Next to save some scrolling here's a style sheet I put together a while that showcases my other styles. Which I'll follow up with some more up to date stuff (some were gift "portraits" of friends):

It was more just me playing around and doing an advanced splice, I realised afterwards that I'd used enough Ross though that it was basically an older him.

Yep and it used to be highly active, also thanks for the greetings folks.

On and off since 2003, I originally started out in the Sonic community, then got into the Pokemon and Bionicle spriting scenes before settling in the Micro scene. I don't really sprite too often though and have probably sprited less then 40 things over the years. My avatar is in fact only my second FE sprite, I also do the occasional other sprite and have a WIP starship design attempt I'm working on here and there for a Mass Effect crew I'm working on.

Hello folks, I guess I'm a former longtime lurker of the FE community in general since around 2003. Anyway recently decided to include the FE mugshot style in my spriting styles and figured I'd get better feedback if I actually join the FE community. Otherwise I'm pretty much a blank slate, so ask anything you feel it's important to know.