Farina's Pegasus

The poll's over? I was halfway through giving feedback for the stories and hadn't even voted yet, but, no worries I guess. I don't know for sure if I'm entering the contest but I'm learning towards a "no" currently. I actually wasn't even planning on staying on these forums after this contest was over, really, and I'm kind of reconsidering that as well but I don't know for sure, again. I'm busy with life lately and I'll see how things go, though hopefully everything should calm down somewhat now that the holidays are done.

No, that's okay, I just assumed it was something required for the contest because everyone else was doing it.

I’m doing responses to feedback I’ve received first, and then I will post my own feedback to stories in a separate one (as well as my Response to Chloey once she looks over mine). Also it was a pain to try to do a bunch of quotes from separate pages so I hope no one minds that I'm just responding. @Jotari @Shoblongoo @Rafael’s Aria

You didn't comment that my story was "competently written" in your initial feedback so I assumed that you found nothing positive. And I never implied that your critique was invalid, either, I agree that the world was not developed well and Rain is written (not intentionally, but still) as a mostly-unrelatable Mary Sue, and Trent is portrayed as too positive to feel anything close to a real person. I agree with all of that. I was just rather surprised that I was the only one who received entirely negative feedback from you, out of all your responses.

So... do I get any sort of positive feedback? I know my story isn't very good and it's far from the best that I'm capable of, due to time constraints, but, did I do something right?

Alright, this is probably my last chance to be online for more than ten minutes at a time until at least Christmas Eve, so I'm going to be posting my work now. Not quite as polished as I would have liked but I enjoyed writing it very much and it did push me a bit out of my comfort zone, so that's most important. Title: How I Met Trent Rockefeller Type: Original Fiction; First person POV Word Count: 3932

I could've sworn I'd already responded to this thread... But anyway, I played Blazing Sword for the first time seven years ago, when it was given to my family as a gift, and I was the first one to give it a try. I absolutely fell in love with the game and proceeded to buy Awakening two years later, which made me even more crazy for the series. The fact that I still haven't finished PoR or played Radiant Dawn, Shadow Dragon or any of the Japan-only games yet (except for Binding Blade) makes me very excited to see what else I have left to discover about my favorite game series.

GBA Games: Archers and Snipers, since I tend to use basically all flying units and there's extremely limited, if any, protection from arrow bonus damage. Ballistae are also pretty annoying, but those are a lot easier to deal with because they have only five shots. 3D Games: Assassins (in Awakening mostly) with nigh-unparalleled Skill and Speed and sometimes Lethality. Any units with Counter. Magic Counter is not nearly as common or as severe so it gets a pass. Generals with Wary Fighter, since that makes them basically unkillable without multiple units. Nohrian Hex is a blessing on my units but a curse on enemy units. Poison Sting and Savage Blow are the bane of my Lunatic playthrough. Upheaval (from Echoes) is immensely annoying but at least the game gives me several options for HP recovery to mitigate it.

One more question, do I have until tomorrow to submit my entry or until the 22nd? which is two days after I turn 22!! On the OP it says that writers have two weeks to compose and submit their entries. Mine will probably be ready by tomorrow anyway, though.

Good idea, I honestly did feel like the scene after this one in-game was a little underwhelming, anyway. That said, though, I'm contemplating which (if any) alternate endings of this that I mentioned I may write. I don't think I will post the story just as-is anywhere, since it's not really a fanfic. I'll give your work a read, but I will say that I don't know anything about Xenoblade so I'll be analyzing it on just technical level, if that's okay.

Thanks a lot for reading it! And no, of course it's not annoying, I'm always grateful for any feedback on my work. If there's anything you have that you'd like me to look over (as long as it's... I'll say, max 3000 words right now) you can send me a message and I'll get to it once I've got time. The dog I'm looking after doesn't seem to like it when I pay attention to anything other than her. And also, since we're in spoiler territory... I may as well talk about my original intents for this fic.

After finishing Echoes, one of the cutscenes in particular moved me so much, I felt compelled to write it out myself, as a sort of writing warm-up. That's why I'm calling it a semi-fic. I have added some dialogue and small actions to the cutscene, but not much else in the way of extras. I'm not a hundred percent sure content like this would be accepted on fanfiction.net or AO3, so I figured this was the ideal place for feedback. I'm most interested in how I did on a technical level- things like do I have a good range of vocabulary, are my descriptions effective, can you visualize what's going on? So, if anyone wants to give this a read, I would be very grateful and also probably willing to read something of yours in exchange (provided it's roughly the same length). Two warnings here. First one is for spoilers, if you haven't finished Echoes and think you may want to play it someday, don't read this. It's one of the best moments of the game, possibly objectively, and knowing what happens beforehand will spoil your experience. And second, I am warning for some violence, but nothing too graphic, so I'd say 13+ is appropriate (though if you're under 13 you're probably too young to be on this website afaik). Anyway, click below for the piece. Word count is 1336.

Thanks! I usually self-edit everything at least once, more often closer to 2-5 times before posting it online. I don't like posting first drafts anywhere because I never feel like I get my writing quite right on the first try.

My first draft is done! And much earlier than I expected, that was so much fun to write I'm almost sad it's over, even though it weighs in (currently) at 4223 words. I assume it's okay for me to self-edit my story it before posting it here, as long as it's before the deadline- and if I get anyone to look over it, it will be 1. right before I post here, and 2. limited to spelling/grammar checking?

I'd be fine with that. Frankly, my biggest concern for the half of my story that exists right now is that it maybe doesn't fit the theme well enough, but if that's against the rules then I'm okay with just a more mechanical grammar/spelling/awkward phrasing check.