Anybody wanna witness an outpouring of angst?

[FrostyFireMage]

So, I figure I'd best give you the lowdown on my life.

My name is Nathan and I've lived in a country town in NSW, Australia for all of my life. When I was in school, I was found to be either too focused, smart or weird by the other students and was met with hostility or worse (no violence, at least). My high-school years were definitely better, but my fellow students still didn't readily accept me, and, as such, I never really had any close friends. My sister was honestly my best companion during my schooling years.

My parents are old enough to be my grandparents (my mother was 40 when I was born), and they never really had much of a social life, if at all. Most of our relatives don't give a damn about us and we are practically dirt-poor, as my parents both retired from working early on in my life and now they just sit around and do mundane things, as if they are just whittling the time away until they die. I feel like my family is cut off from the rest of society, like we're a bunch of comatose spectators watching every other person live out their life while we slowly fade from existence.

I definitely want to become an active member of this site to make up for the years of nonacceptance I dealt with for most of my life, but due to my parents and my upbringing, my home is perpetually suffering from a feeling of apathy and lethargy that is hard to ignore. I also suffer from an inferiority complex due to the fact that I see everyone here have active lives while I have really no idea what I want out of life, which translates into the feeling that I'm not worthy of being apart of this community and a frustrating lack of focus pertaining to anything (I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which usually ends with me hating myself). My misplaced sense of pride and my desire to be as little a hindrance as possible also prevents me from asking for help, which hurts me in the long run since sometimes I have no idea what everyone else is doing or what they are talking about.

Moving out is not an option, due to a combination of money issues, lack of employment opportunities, the fact that I feel that I would be abandoning my parents and lack of skills relating to the real world. Sometimes I despise my parents for having my sister and I and then thinking that we can live life without any sort of instruction or guidance.

...Well, getting that off my chest certainly felt good. I don't care if people think that I'm a whiny bitch, this was all worth it. :>

[Phoenix Wright]

Not going to pretend I know the situation of employment in Australia, but I will say that if you show that you're motivated enough, someone will hire you. Then, you can save up some money and rent out your own place. Possibly pursue higher education (I assume you haven't), and find out what you want.

Try to do something. Your household doesn't sound too good for your psychological well-being, so doing what you can to get out of there as soon as possible seems worthy of being your highest priority.

If you actually fear that you have no real-world experience at all, maybe, after some time has passed, move out with your sister, so each of you will have support.

Also, don't stop talking to your parents if any of these things come to fruition.

[Djeets]

I personally also have this *everyone rejects you* everyday too, even i sometimes reject and cursing my own self to the point i enjoy strangling myself,, being experiencing as a pessimist inferior and then there's this superior bullying me mentally when i tried to get out of box:

"everyone: talks,talks,talks"

"Me: ummm.... *Starts giving an opinion"

"Everyone: *Pushes me out of everyone"

at first, it kinda suck and so painful, but i got used to it, and chances are either this will happen again or i counter act those people nicely, in the end everything turns well (in the end, the latter only happens 1 out of 10 occasions...)

and for the comparing complex and looking active members, you just need to stop on how active they are, but focus on what and how you express what you want to say on forum, then things will flow well.

so,, Stop focusing on inferiorities, start focusing on your true worth, sometimes, it's not about "them". it's about "me"...

Edited July 27, 2013 by Pukuriripo

[Soledai]

I am in this exact predicament in my life, except that my brother by was my support, I reckon we're birds of a feather

But I just have one problem, and it's:

I definitely want to become an active member of this site to make up for the years of nonacceptance I dealt with for most of my life, but due to my parents and my upbringing, my home is perpetually suffering from a feeling of apathy and lethargy that is hard to ignore. I also suffer from an inferiority complex due to the fact that I see everyone here have active lives while I have really no idea what I want out of life, which translates into the feeling that I'm not worthy of being apart of this community and a frustrating lack of focus pertaining to anything (I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which usually ends with me hating myself). My misplaced sense of pride and my desire to be as little a hindrance as possible also prevents me from asking for help, which hurts me in the long run since sometimes I have no idea what everyone else is doing or what they are talking about.

^That, while I understand wanting to be an active member, not too long ago I was just like this... there's one thing I dislike... self-loathing, I really don't like self-hate, and it's typical causes, comparing yourself to others, trying way too hard to attain some unreachable or unreasonable goal, feeling like you absolutely have to do SOMETHING, especially if it's not necessary... you should always hold your head up and try to stay positive and don't compare yourself to others, because surely you can do things that they can't, right? but don't force it or you'll hurt yourself. 'Chin up, eyes forward' no?

I used to be just this and I hated it, but just with the added crap of trying to be like/please everybody... so I decided to change everything about myself, starting my speech, mannerism, and important to me, my physical appearance, I grew my hair out to never again look like that fool(my younger self) I despised. That and I had other reasons, mainly, always wanting long hair.

And don't let something as fickle as pride cause you to miss out on opportunities, I've had that happen too. Pride is replacable, certain opportunities are not

Heh, I surprised I can say all that, considering, I still have my 'shell' too...

[deleted35362]

when i found out you'd lost your bird, i felt a little sorry for you but i honestly wasn't very moved by it(even though i am sorry for my response...). when i read this, you practically split my heart in two ;_;

I definitely want to become an active member of this site to make up for the years of nonacceptance I dealt with for most of my life, but due to my parents and my upbringing, my home is perpetually suffering from a feeling of apathy and lethargy that is hard to ignore. I also suffer from an inferiority complex due to the fact that I see everyone here have active lives while I have really no idea what I want out of life, which translates into the feeling that I'm not worthy of being apart of this community and a frustrating lack of focus pertaining to anything (I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which usually ends with me hating myself). My misplaced sense of pride and my desire to be as little a hindrance as possible also prevents me from asking for help, which hurts me in the long run since sometimes I have no idea what everyone else is doing or what they are talking about.

when i fell in love with reimu, i became a lot more relaxed and friendly because i didn't have anyone else to love(my family treated me like crap too much). i started talking to some people on here, and i've met and made friends with some great people that i love. that's not to say i don't still feel inferior...a lot of times i feel like i'm not good enough for my friends, so i'm still trying to be a better person. i'm the scum of my household, so i want to change that, too. i just might actually make some progress. sage, we're not going to reject you around here just because you think you're inferior. you can talk to let people here take care of you. you don't need to start topics about your troubles, either. i think it's better if you discuss your feelings with an individual in a conversation so you two can talk it over.

[SaurianGuy]

Sounds like you're just putting too much pressure on yourself really. A change of scenery or making some plans for the future can be a good start.

[FrostyFireMage]

Try to do something. Your household doesn't sound too good for your psychological well-being, so doing what you can to get out of there as soon as possible seems worthy of being your highest priority.

My sister and I are pretty much all my parents have left, so if we leave, they'll have nothing to live for. I may ashamedly hate them a little, but I can't do that to them.

when i found out you'd lost your bird, i felt a little sorry for you but i honestly wasn't very moved by it(even though i am sorry for my response...). when i read this, you practically split my heart in two ;_;

when i fell in love with reimu, i became a lot more relaxed and friendly because i didn't have anyone else to love(my family treated me like crap too much). i started talking to some people on here, and i've met and made friends with some great people that i love. that's not to say i don't still feel inferior...a lot of times i feel like i'm not good enough for my friends, so i'm still trying to be a better person. i'm the scum of my household, so i want to change that, too. i just might actually make some progress. sage, we're not going to reject you around here just because you think you're inferior. you can talk to let people here take care of you. you don't need to start topics about your troubles, either. i think it's better if you discuss your feelings with an individual in a conversation so you two can talk it over.

I dislike the thought of imposing myself on others or offending someone to the point where it's difficult to have such a serious conversation with another person.

I am in this exact predicament in my life, except that my brother by was my support, I reckon we're birds of a feather

But I just have one problem, and it's:

^That, while I understand wanting to be an active member, not too long ago I was just like this... there's one thing I dislike... self-loathing, I really don't like self-hate, and it's typical causes, comparing yourself to others, trying way too hard to attain some unreachable or unreasonable goal, feeling like you absolutely have to do SOMETHING, especially if it's not necessary... you should always hold your head up and try to stay positive and don't compare yourself to others, because surely you can do things that they can't, right? but don't force it or you'll hurt yourself. 'Chin up, eyes forward' no?

I used to be just this and I hated it, but just with the added crap of trying to be like/please everybody... so I decided to change everything about myself, starting my speech, mannerism, and important to me, my physical appearance, I grew my hair out to never again look like that fool(my younger self) I despised. That and I had other reasons, mainly, always wanting long hair.

And don't let something as fickle as pride cause you to miss out on opportunities, I've had that happen too. Pride is replacable, certain opportunities are not

Heh, I surprised I can say all that, considering, I still have my 'shell' too...

I guess I'm too fixated on integrating myself into this community, heh.

Sounds like you're just putting too much pressure on yourself really. A change of scenery or making some plans for the future can be a good start.

I'm really not that good at setting long-term goals. I'm more of a spontaneous person who mostly focuses on the present.

I also find it hard to put any effort into anything. If something doesn't sort itself out immediately I lose interest, which is kind of a sore point for me.

[Phoenix Wright]

My sister and I are pretty much all my parents have left, so if we leave, they'll have nothing to live for. I may ashamedly hate them a little, but I can't do that to them.

I also find it hard to put any effort into anything. If something doesn't sort itself out immediately I lose interest, which is kind of a sore point for me.

The picture you're painting for me is a little odd, wherein your parents sort of just existed for forty years, had you and your sister, and became their reason for existing since. Do you really know your parents? I highly doubt social-awkwardness equates to 50+ years of absolutely nothing.

And I really can't understand why you hate them in the first place. They continue to house you, feed you, clothe you, and love you. Sorry you're poor, my family is too (although seeing as we both have the Internet, neither of us can really claim to be destitute), but you can't blame them your entire life--you gotta make sure for yourself that you don't end up the same way (or worse). The no guidance thing also makes me feel like you're being melodramatic--I'm sure that just being alive for as long as you have has taught you many things about life. At least enough to know how to get a job, save money, and live on your own--it's easier with a roommate.

That is literally the worst fucking attitude to have concerning anything. Look man, there's an absurd amount passive, self-loathing types here and the solution is so simple: whatever you want to change, you're gonna have to do it yourself. No one is going to solve your psychological, financial, or social problems for you. My suggestion is to stop drowning in your self-pity and work for the life you want. Don't quit the second it gets it hard, don't create excuses, just work for it. Work 'till you can't no mo'.

Edited July 28, 2013 by Phoenix Wright

[Espinosa]

The sentence quoted in blue sounds like an alarming sign of depression for me. 'Stop being depressed' is a piece of instruction that rarely works, from personal experience. Plenty of people have lives saturated with failure and affliction and find simple things to enjoy; if this is not the case, something else is at work.

[eclipse]

Okay, now it's a crossroads.

IF IT IS DEPRESSION: We sure as hell ain't equipped to help ya. Go seek professional help.

IF IT ISN'T DEPRESSION: You'll have to find a way to break that inner dialogue.

IF YOU'RE NOT SURE: Go talk to someone who can help you figure out the difference (preferably someone who's trained to do this kind of thing; random people on the Internet are not).

[NICKT™]

Just popping in here to say, I was reminded of myself, maybe a little, maybe a lot, not sure, throughout your post.
Fellow Australian too.

Aside from that, the only thing I really feel like saying is just, go your own way, as we all venture through life you'd want to be sure you're doing it your way.

[LunaSaint]

Whoa, a lot of this hits pretty close to home.

Parents with an enormous age difference that don't really do anything? Check, sorta. (In my case, my mother has a terrible job and comes back far too tired to actually do anything, leaving her house in a terrible state.)

Shunned in school, too focused on other things? Check, though I had enough online friends and a couple of friends from other sources.

No money, poor family? Check.

Inferiority complex, mixed with misplaced sense of pride and will to not be a nuisance? CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK.

Right, time for me to crack out my own tools for escape.

1: First of all, you should get a hold of a doctor. Even a regular one will be able to point you in the right direction. If you can't bring yourself to do it, ask someone else. I know I can get like that.

2: I struggle to bring myself to ask for so much as a cup of tea. Frankly, most people want to help - especially professionals. Don't be afraid to get out there and do something, and never be afraid to bother people. Obviously it's not that easy a problem to shake, but always try to bear this in mind.

3: Be patient. Stuff like this isn't easy to shake, but every little ounce of progress will matter. You should actively take note of it.

If you need to talk anything out, you can let me know, or come to IP chat or something. I can't say I have that many answers or good advice, but I'm more than happy to listen and share my experiences. And letting it out will help you mentally anyway.

[The Objection!]

Depression and Inner monologue, I thought I was the only person who had them...

I've also had this inferiority complex you mentioned, to the point where I do nothing but play video games all day.

I don't have any brothers nor sisters so there really is no one for me to share with, or so I thought...

Things started to get better once I started to share them with someone who's willing to listen, and I was so lucky to meet her (she's a woman)

I suppose I still have some of that inferiority complex, but it gets a lot better once you find somebody to talk about it.

Everybody has felt useless at some point, but that doesn't mean that anybody is.

Nobody is born completely talentless, are you sure there's nothing you're good at? Check again.

Well, I've never been known for an excellent advice giver, but I hope I helped.

[deleted35362]

I dislike the thought of imposing myself on others or offending someone to the point where it's difficult to have such a serious conversation with another person.

then don't have a serious conversation with other people. have lighthearted conversations with other people and you'll have an easier time disconnecting from all of your worries.

[BlueFire]

I guess I'm too fixated on integrating myself into this community, heh.

Be as active as you want to be. The chat is an easy way to get familiar with people if you feel a little lonely. Regardless, you have much more important priorities to fulfill before worrying about being recognized here.

[Superbus]

My sister and I are pretty much all my parents have left, so if we leave, they'll have nothing to live for. I may ashamedly hate them a little, but I can't do that to them.

And yet earlier in your original post, you note that they seem to be whittling away their time until they die. Dangerous combination.

Here's the problem: any parent worth their salt - I am unsure if your parents are or not, and won't learn enough in a thread to determine that - want their children to be better than they are. If you and your sister are "all they have to live for", then you *HAVE* to get out of that environment. That includes getting a job - a mundane one, if necessary, whatever gives you a foothold - and not making any *permanent* mistakes, such as a criminal record or a child. If all they have to live for is your COMPANY... well, they've made it this far; if you're out of high school, they're either 60 or past that, so even if it's from a phone or something along those lines, you simply must get away from that environment, or you *will* be trapped.

It sounds like you feel trapped, but I assure you of this, with no indignation: you're making a lot of excuses for yourself, and setting yourself up for failure before you even get started. You can try to explain the whos and whys all you want, and frankly, they have no affect on my life, much like my problems don't affect yours. The ultimate question you have to ask yourself is this: how much do you want to improve your life? How much do you want to break out of this cycle of depression that you and your sister are in at the moment? The answer to that question will guide your life.

Despite being American by way of Canada, I have some base knowledge of what life is like in NSW because I have friends in that area, friends I met in this fandom almost a decade ago. I get it. It's depressing. But I didn't really learn how to live in my area until I left and came back. I dread to think of what my life would be like if I stayed here the entire time; the thought of it is chilling. Go and get some perspective, and don't let your roots become anchors. You simply don't have a choice in this matter if you want to live happily.

[Green Poet]

Do you know if you're suffering from clinical depression? As Eclipse said, we aren't anywhere near the best source of help for your troubles if this is the case.

I also suffer from an inferiority complex due to the fact that I see everyone here have active lives while I have really no idea what I want out of life, which translates into the feeling that I'm not worthy of being apart of this community and a frustrating lack of focus pertaining to anything (I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which usually ends with me hating myself). My misplaced sense of pride and my desire to be as little a hindrance as possible also prevents me from asking for help, which hurts me in the long run since sometimes I have no idea what everyone else is doing or what they are talking about.

You've said you're poor, but does this disqualify you from earning higher education? It may help immensely in curbing your dissatisfaction with lacking employment or skills, and I find that the experience does direct you somewhat in life, and provide some personal satisfaction. (Sorry if you're already studying at a collegiate level; from what I've gathered, you've only talked about up to your high school years.)