"Blind" Mystery of The Emblem: A Screencap Playthrough

[Terrador]

Hey, guys, I'm bored and need to play this game. Without further ado, I'll begin Book One!

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 1]

BLAH BLAH STORY

An excuse to go crusading across the continent? I'm in!

We start off by giving Marth this lady's Iron Sword. No need for that when you suck, right? Right.

Unit stats, minus HP and WL. Boy, I can't wait for Abel's first WL proc. Silver Lance with no WTD? COME TO DADDY~!

Jagen confirmed for MANLY CHIP!

I didn't catch it, but--this was a crit.

This is gonna be fun~

To the bench with you, harlot!

Let's go spend it on booze and hookers!

DOGA

WILL CHOKE THIS POINT.

DODGEMASTER DOGA SAVIN' THE DAY

It's a 1-RN system! What could possibly go wrong~?

...I don't think I've had a Cav not crit yet.

Go shopping, whorsebird.

I'm about 80% certain that's the first time anyone has taken damage.

Aaaand the dented Pirate finishes himself on Able. Nice~

I missed the combat screenshot, but... this guy has a few more HP than I'd like him to have.

I knew that Gordon chip was useful for something!

Jeigan cuts in, because Abel is kinda gonna die if I don't do that--seeing as he's eaten all the abuse this map has doled out so far.

Go Kain! Cav duo is the answer to everything.

I missed the combat screencap, but this is DOGA after facing three 70%s in a row.

I'm pretty sure he's invincible.

...dammit, Abel, why...?

Y'know how this ends.

...with a Skl/Lck/WL level on Abel's part. And I think a crit. Abel is, in fact, a boss.

I almost forgot doubling existed in this game!

Kain's up top, Doga's CHOKING DA POINT, and all is right with the world~

Like lambs to the slaughter, I swear.

Because two 68s hitting just isn't likely enough, is it.

NO

NO

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY HIT DOGA.

THIS SHALL NOT STAND!!

Nor does this Pirate!

This was a dodge. Kain killed. And, although I didn't get the screencap, another Pirate attacked him! You'll never guess the level.

Skl Spe Def WLv HP. Kain, you boss.

...A Vulnerary.

Wrys doesn't exist. Nope. Just a stinkin' Vulnerary.

...I... have no words.

Pretty sure the answer is always JAGEN CHIP!

...this is getting a tad spooky.

Another one bites the dust!

That's... cool? Pity my Cavs aren't proccing what they need to to double with non-Slims, but eh, it happens.

...and I just realized both Cavs can use the Silver.

BOOYAH.

...of course, Abel has 20 Atk with Silver, and the chip missed.

Of course.

Horsebird slut, however, has proven useful for once!

SPLOOSH!

Gehehehehehehe. Abel, keep on being a CHAMP. Disregard anything I said earlier.

And that's Chapter 1. Tune in for Chapter 2 later tonight!

This feels classic, in the truest sense of the worried. I should have quite a bit of fun with this~

Edited December 31, 2013 by Terrador

[Ema Skye]

That vulnerary from the village is Wrys' reincarnation.

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 2]

Hey, we get to fight army guys -and- pirates! How fun!

We have some new guys floating around.

These are the only ones I even remotely care about, though. Barts can't promote in this game, either--such a tragedy, isn't it?

There are just no units to the left today, are there?

KAIN

BEWARE THE THRILL OF COMBAT

yada yada nothing hits hard at all early on.

Yes, that jackass came in from the water. CURSE YOU, PIRATES!

A screencap of Gordon being useful? Perish the thought!

NO FAVORITISM IN THIS RUN

Bet you never thought you'd see that! A Fighter murdering a Thief, one shot, Iron Axe.

Ah, the glory days~

...no harm in keeping Doga nearby just in case.

"And now I'm taking out my anger on the innocent!"

Sheeda: "Sounds like you belong here, Kashim. Join us!"

Yay, Rapier being useful! Such a fun little toy he has there~

Big Man is just here to chip, ladies. Keep your skirts on.

Somebody decided dodging, then critting for emphasis, would be funny.

But some stupid program decided not to catch that.

Bows for best melee weapons.

Might as well get a chip in!

Engaging with Abel: this can't possibly go wrong.

Hey, what's good for the goose!

...it's as if they don't know how buff ABEL is.

On the other side of town, Kain and Friends (not to be confused with Coon and Friends!) are being harassed by more pirates.

Vengeance! And Spe/Lck/WLv. Crazy Eights up in here!

Also, blocking axes with one's face tends to hurt.

...what? I just... what?

Speed, Doga? Is that really what you need to choke points?

...I smell bad guys and potential debt-slaves. Let's get on this.

...all that, plus Str.

Totally worth feeding that kill.

And Oguma clears the bridge.

Gentlemen: CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!

JAGEN CHIP!

Also, wow. Dismounting does quite a number on the ol' stats. At least, for a Paladin. Way to de-promote, Jeigan.

Phew! Kashim chip pretty much because I could, but he was looking at a ~10% death chance.

Those two guys by the Seize? Yeeeeeah. They move.

Thankfully, the boss engaged Jagen, so Kashim's okay, but still. Eeesh!

You... you just had to weaken him, man.

Jeigan confirmed for WRATH!

And nothing of value was lost.

And, after Kashim feeds Oguma a kill...

Okay, not this turn.

Thankfully, that affords me some much-appreciated bookkeeping time~

...see, this is the exact shit you can't do if you ever want to see endgame.

Your failure is disappointing. Stupid me, forgetting this is a 24/4 Bandit (not 22/3 like most of his comrades).

Totally acceptable use of a Silver, right? ...right?

And that's a wrap, ladies.

This is... going almost too well.

I think I'mma do C3 tonight, too. Your chair may have a whole seat, but you'll only need the edge!

Except not really. This is... honestly kinda tame.

Until I make things interesting.

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 3]

WE'RE GOING IRONMAN NOW

NO RESETS

NO HOLDING BACK

UWAAAAAAAAA.

He'll be staying here forever.

...Rena actually isn't half-bad statistically. That said, she'll be a pain in the ass to level and she doesn't even get a healing staff 'til the end of this map.

Fighting alone (er, with a thief) in the mountains? What could possibly go wrong?

Looks like a decent setup. Note that Castor, Maji, and Saji are sitting this one out.

I... am not entirely certain how I'd like to deal with this. Stupid Thieves not attacking.

I would say I AM MANSTER TACTICIAN, but that just wouldn't work. Wrong retro FE, after all!

...cursed or not, you cannot deny how sexy that is right there.

I think it's killing time now.

Oddly enough, Jeigan's "damage-dealt" line showed up in the same text box as the EXP gain one.

NES code is odd.

Yet another successful kill. Skl Lck WLv again is slightly odd, though.

...I don't think he's missed a Lck or Wlv proc yet. Not bad, Abel. Not bad.

Not good, but certainly not bad. Compares favorably with Kain, at least.

Oh, shush, you. Now join the army and totally not because you think Sheeda's easy.

Kain's actually feeding somebody else a kill! Gosh golly!

I... I think Abel won that engagement.

I'm honestly calling this a good level for the Big Cheese.

Abel, 1

Archery, 0.

...is Julian supposed to be one-rounding things?

...I forgot about shooting through that cliff.

WELP

FIRST DEATH

And the bastard took the Kill Sword with him...

Bugger was already dented, too.

Good job, Kain. Way to avenge Navarre.

I mean I know you just met the guy but come on.

Finally, something goes right.

...very odd. Not unwelcome. But odd.

Aha, the magic 3 AS! At 10 Spe, he'll start doubling things with Silver! And, y'know. One-rounding stuff.

THIS is what doubling looks like. BAM.

Stop me if you know who dies.

Kain is--actually really kinda thwompy at this point. Too early to tell how he'll end up, though.

IN OTHER NEWS: VENGEANCE FOR THE VENGEANCE GOD!!

Kashim finally got a kill? Shocker.

I did a bit of positioning up top for the seize. Julian might actually get a kill today, though~!

Jeigan: please stop dodging 73s and critting back. You're stealing everyone else's kills!

Kashim's kicking ass, taking names, and putting arrows up asses. Fun night for him, eh~?

Alrighty then. Looks like the BIG BOY has to finish this one.

Now das' what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Nah, that was just Navarre. He was kind of a manwhore anyhow.

Seems like he's got a bad case of...

Torn Haiman.

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

...but seriously, Abel, stop. Why so much Skl and Wlv? It's just... kinda weird, bro.

Totally worth waiting a turn to seize for.

Welp, Navarre died. THIS IRONMAN RUN JUST GOT SERIOUS, YO.

Next time: Chapter 4! Some map we probably won't at all like!

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 4]

HARDIN MAP? HARDIN MAP. LET'S DO THIS.

Nope, but they can be used in your home~!

Incidentally: Abel one-rounds the Social Knights up top with Iron. Yeah. He's a man's man.

Hey, look, new units! Hardin is obviously the cream of the crop; the rest are... less than stellar, particularly Zagaro, Wolf, and Biraku.

And don't you give me that. They didn't give Zagaro and Wolf a bazillion growths and reclass in this game. So you shush.

All three are in range. I swear, this is more fun than forging Ridersbanes!

I'm moving the CHUMPSQUAD up to help with that Thief on the left. He's carrying a Silver Sword; with a not-particularly-daunting WLv of 9, Jeigan and Abel (soon to be joined by Hardin and Kain) can use it on foot. Further, Oguma can use it as well.

...as if this wasn't insulting enough to the enemy, the first two? Crits.

SKL LCK WLV.

ABEL

CORE STATS, PLEASE.

...that said, missing literally no WLv procs after 6 levels is pretty hilarious. He's at L7 and can already use Gradius. Gotta respect that.

Spoiler alert: We're getting one of these, and he sucks ASS.

FIRE!

PEW PEW MOTHER HUBBARDS!

Rena is gonna come in real handy, I can just tell.

Of course, pulling out the Slim to actually get a crit? No way, Jose.

I love how the Silver Lance has mostly been for killing Thieves.

In other news, y'know what other stats he got? Skl, Lck, Wlv. Big surprise.

...now I've gotta clear out a whole swath of enemies. Y'know what it's time for?

MASTER PLAN SUCCESS

Gonna let the Thief live, since he can't really mess with anyone relevant. I'll feed the kill to a unit I actually like next turn.

Close, but no cigar. One enemy is no big deal to anyone in this game, though.

Nobody can deal damage: the game.

Also--shit, Jagen's facing crit chances nowadays.

HAH

I TOTALLY SAW THAT COMING.

Oh, the humanity!

Not really. This was easy.

Still.

...yeah, we don't care about this guy. We could recruit him, but where's the fun in that?

...I'm not sure why I thought this guy was already wounded.

No matter. Roshe has this UNDER CONTROL!

If you'd like an "honor among thieves" joke, supply it yourself.

...I don't know why I try anymore. I swear.

Just guess how this one ends.

Jagen contributes to this team.

He actually got a point of MHP, too! Two procs in as many levels! You go, Jeigan!

Critical Hits: Conserving weapons usage since 1990.

...see last kill.

There's absolutely no reason I'm not using Matthis.

None at all.

He may not look like much... but those specs with Excalibur!! Not to mention that he hits RES. Also known as "6 on a Pally or Draco, 3 on a Peg, 0 on most everything else", once we take mages out of the running.

I almost forgot this guy existed!

I honestly don't know which I want to do more: recruit him, or feed him to Marthipan.

Silver Sword!Kain: always the answer. Always.

Lck, WLv, HP. Why... why am I not even a little disappoint.

Hardin can-opening the boss. In theory.

CHRIST

STOP

DODGING.

Finally!

I missed the level, but I think it was STR SPE WLV MHP. Also known as "actually better than most of the levels around here".

Michalis: he's kind of a prick!

We're gonna go in and beat somebody up, right?

Awwwwwwww yeah.

Well, my team's shaping up pretty nicely. Roshe I'll take or leave based on his next couple of levels, but most of the folks you see getting kills are pretty much here to stay.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Requests?

[bottlegnomes]

So why exactly are you not using Caeda?

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 5]

WE'RE BREAKING INTO A PLACE

AND PRE-EMPTING THIEVES AND SHIT

WOO

SO MANY THIEVES TO STOP!

The outside getting wrecked didn't tip you off...?

Gotta love Warp for stuff like this.

Also: SKL LCK DEF on Lena. Ohhh, man. That's precious.

Oguma doubles Thieves with Steel. That's pretty righteous.

Just marchin' down the halls, officer. Nothin' to see here.

Two critkills. With this level, plus HP.

'nuff said. Oguma: you are the man.

Also, having Steel Swords is really fukken clutch.

Recruit one: Shittier Julian. He grabs a few chests here and there, and never sees the light of day again.

...okay, I lied. He's technically winning Str right now. Still not good.

And our next recruit, THE POPE. His growths are pretty crap... BUT.

He is not to be disrespected. His Grace may be ancient, but he moves like an adept warrior and can put most anything with 18 HP or less down in a single round.

Don't test The Pope.

Definitely getting up in foes' breeches now.

...I swear, nobody in my army can grow actual stats this run.

5000 G into the pocket. I swear, this run is drowning me with money!

Totally worthwhile!

Dogpile into the hallway~!

I actually held back a little bit to avoid anyone getting stomped. Ah, well.

Time to hunt these wretched Thieves!!

...I gave you the can-opener! What more do you want?!

All this crit-cherrytapping. So much of it. All over the place.

Doga: "chipping" since 1990.

Kill feeding: it's what's for dinner.

...A+ on the crit there, buddy boy. You might make a decent unit yet.

...he's starting to fall off just a bit.

Barts is as manly as ever, though!

DA POPE is enABELing Abel to go sit on the front line and one-round armors with the Silver. 'MERICA!

...or that.

I might've forgotten to give Abel the Silver, too.

O... kay...?

He's gotta get his levels somehow. Speaking of:

SPE LCK DEF MHP, I think. He could use some WLv, but hey, it'll come.

Go ahead and guess how this one ends.

Sadly, Hardin doesn't double.

Bloodstained... but victorious.

Close, but no cigar on the level.

Plan: bait? SUCCESSFUL!

Wow

So critical

great Marth

much dodge

Archer fight! Archer fi--

C'mon, Kashim, you're better than this.

BUT THAT

THAT, GOOD SIR

IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

That--while you're being attacked by a Bishop. Mmhm. Yup. I believe you, man. I believe you.

...got a crit in. Nice.

Kain tops off a level on an enemy Bishop.

...Speed up. I'll take it.

...I have no idea when that RES happened.

Oh, yeah. Barrier staves!

Uh... Abel... you were supposed to chip. Not asplode him in a pile of crits and deliciousness.

And, after cleaning up that Bishop with Barts and Kashim...

Seize!

FREE STUFF?

KILLING DRAGONS?

AWWWWW YEAH

SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT DAY.

So, yup. C5 in a nutshell.

...I'll be more inspired when I'm not writing these updates in the middle of the night, I promise!

[Terrador]

So why exactly are you not using Caeda?

Flight or no, her Str growth is abysmal. Given the presence of Minerva, Paola, and Katua, who are all solid out of the gate and only get manlier--I can pass on her.

Plus, being able to use Silver Lance at base isn't as manly when Abel and Kain very quickly meet that benchmark, and most lancers come in having met it.

[MacLovin]

we all know caeda's real use is as a silver sword footie!

[Refa]

Well, Sheeda can actually double with Silver Lances which is a feat Cain and Abel won't have for quite a while unless they proc Speed on every single level (hey guess who tends to do that), and with how statboosters are in this game, 20% Str growth and a Power Ring should be good enough honestly (especially since she gets +5 or so Str on promotion). Not that you have to use Sheeda, you can go with whoever you want! It's just that your reasoning seems a little WEAK, and while Minerva makes sense considering she's already promoted and the Dragon Whip takes forever to get, Palla and Catria have as much over Sheeda as Est does.

EDIT Also Bantu is the fucking man, you're insane. For reference, his bases transformed.

36HP (correct me if I'm wrong, but I THINK HP doubles but yeah I could be totally off base, in which case fucking divide this by 2 you nimrod)

10Str

3Skl

2Spd (can never double anyways, so inconsequential besides him getting doubled himself)

1Lck

2Wlv (also useless because obvious)

14Def

5Res (fuck yeah, actual RES)

7Mov (fuck yeah, actual MOVE, even indoors)

And his weapon is a 12 might, 80% hit boomstick that ignores DEF. Fuck yeah.

Edited December 26, 2013 by Refa

[Terrador]

Screw it, I already made the decision not to use Caeda. Even though doubling with Iron is actually a benchmark I'm still waiting for Abel and Hardin to hit...

Eh, this game seems easy enough. I shouldn't be in any real trouble.

[bottlegnomes]

According to the main site, draco only gives +3 str here. Yeah, the speed is nice, but a decent possibly of 8 str promoted isn't. I can see why you're not using her. Then again, Minerva only has 9 and 30%. So the moral is, they all have issues

Also, HP only goes up to the promoted classes base, so she's on;y guaranteed 20.

Edited December 26, 2013 by bottlegnomes

[SRC]

If you don't level up Sheeda, then how are you going to get Book 1's sole Silver Axe? D:

Using Sheeda or not is not a big deal, but let's not pretend she's a bad unit. Best unit mobility in book 1, best user of silver lance for several chapters, and support bonuses for Marth and Oguma. Also, don't forget that Minerva and the Whitewings take FOREVER to recruit because you have to go rescue Maria first. :/ Even with her Str issues, Sheeda is probably still like a top 5 unit in book 1 lol.

Edited December 26, 2013 by SRC

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 6]

Woo, I'm back!

I have my BESTEST BUDDY and casual FE player (read: FE11 and a bit of FE7) as a guest commenter. Hopefully he's funnier than I am!

...he's going to get punched a lot.

Alec: "Like how thwompy she is?"

Jeff: "Are you kidding? My level 14 Squirtle has more HP than her!"

...*punch*

This is gonna be a long day.

"Iron Swords and Bronze Swords are superior to Silver Swords" [paraphrase]

Plus him bitching about Silvers being inferior weapons materials well shut up everyone is part werewolf.

*screams intensify*

...this is actually kind of scary. Thankfully, there's only two, and the other one is carrying Iron.

JEIGAN, OPENER OF DOORS!

huehuehuehuehuehuehueeeee. Good ol' Abel and his 10 Speed.

...I'm kinda wishing I'd used Caeda, but SCREW IT

HE WOULD'VE USED CAEDA BUT HE'S A DUM-DUM

RAISED ON WING SPEARS AND FORGING AND RECLASS AND ALL THAT PUSSY SHIT

HE LIES WHEN HE SAYS HE HASN'T FORGED WING SPEARS

HE'S A LIARRRRRRRRRR.

STR SPE MHP

MAH HERO!

Miss, then crit. Gotta love FE3.

Totally pro strat. There's no reason I have a bazillion bows on the map.

Totally.

That was... not very intimidating.

Upon being asked to comment on the situation:

"Those mountains are tiny, and that's a big-ass house."

...why did I do this.

I'm actually kinda surprised that I hit a 90 here.

...on discussing Bantu:

"Shall we unleash the beast?"

"Yes. Inside my pants!"

...I'm going to kill this person. And whoever made this madness.

I weep bloody tears.

A word in green! It must matter!

It's an Ironman run. Of course I'm giving Marthipan the Robe.

I don't believe it either, but Marich's getting a kill!

...Minerva suddenly has 4 less Def. And I have no idea why.

That is some seriously weak shit.

Seriously game.

Seriously.

...sonofabitch. I was gonna Warp him in to protect the others (and by that I mean Abel) but then I clicked Wait oh gog I don' wanna lose Abel :cccccccccccc

JAGEN

YOU WILL DIE AN HONORABLE DEATH TO PROTECT YOUR COMRADES.

LET THE BAITING BEGIN.

KABOOM

HARDIN DA WINNAR

The beast has been unleashed. UNLEASHED!

Jeff: "Let the trouser snake gooooooo!"

Thank you, Minerva, for getting out of our hair.

RIP Castor

You fought hard and died an honorable death.

To a 3% crit.

...goddamn these 10-move Dracoknights, I swear.

Nobody else dies today, though!!

Good ol' Dracoknight-critting.

Feeding Marthipan takes a lot of work.

Haaaaaaard work.

Also, something I just now re-realized: HP bars go up to 26. Funky.

21 Atk. Bulkiest armor is 20/11. Yup, Hardon's gonna wreck.

Abel, you jerk, you double anyway!

Hardin just got Spe Lck WLv.

Also reinforcements jesus fuck please don't tell me they're attacking this turn.

OF COURSE THEY ARE.

This is genuinely a good thing.

Hardin has 4 HP remaining. FOUR.

DOWN GOES HARDIN. Of course.

He had the fucking Silver Sword, too.

...and now Jeff has been proven right. Because if Hardin hadn't ORKOd everything that moved? He would've lived.

Well, at least Oguma got something resembling a halfway-okay level. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do.

Here's hoping for no reinforcemurder this turn...

...okay, Wendel, that was some straight-up weak shit.

There were totally reinforcements... but at least nobody died.

BARTS OP NEEDS NERF

WHY ARE THERE MORE REINFORCEMENTS

THAT'S ENOUGH, GAME

THAT'S ENOUGH GUYS

THE MACEDONIAN ARMY WAS SMALLER THAN THIS.

That crit was unhelpful, but thankfully...

Oguma can CHOKE THE POINT now.

...I miss Doga.

STR SPE WLV DEF RES MHP.

He now does 19x2 against things with 0 AS! What a man~!

*swoons*

...okay, fuck I thought that guy was dented already.

SKL LCK WLV. I swear, that's this guy's trademark nowadays.

Rena just got... a level off of Wendel. Not a good one, but hey, it's a level!

Must... not... let... anyone... die!

Way to crit something you were meant to just chip, Wolf!

KNIGHTS OF ARITIA, CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Gosh golly, that wasn't expected!

[/sar]

Thankfully, Abel has the Javelin, so he can't double everything and get himself killed... like someone I know.

Does this mean I can't play Book 2?

ALL ACCORDING TO KEIKAKU.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GO--

Really, Marich? I'm honestly not sure whether or not to be disappointed.

Don'tcha love kill-feeding?

All that, plus WLv.

I swear. Abel can't get DEF, and Kain can't get Str. Period.

I can't even be disappointed anymore.

HOW DID THE POPE GET THREE STATS.
HOW.

I'm actually in a decent position! Now to stave off the next wave of reinforcements!

I SWEAR HE'S NOT EVEN USING THE KILL SWORD

Yay for not doubling!

ABEL WILL CHOKE THIS FORT!

All these dodge-crits are seriously odd.

Next turn, we set our sights on The Big Cheese!

Damage trade!

OGUMA MVP

STR SPE WLV HP

Nobody can hit this Cav, I swear.

I'm a responsible adult, and I always cover my forts.

CURSE YOU, SHIN!!

Thank Narga for doubling!

Pope, 1. Grutian Knight, 0.

Feed Marthipan ALL the murders!

...Marthipan, I...

Y'know what? The WLv is actually appreciated.

On Turn 12, after two kills of permanent party members: SEIZE.

Join us next time for... more of the same, basically!

[Jedi]

Hardin goes down. Book 2 ceases to exist

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 7]

Another update, gosh golly! I've got a new Troll Commentator today: The Soldier, who actually knows shit about FE! Hopefully, his insight will be funnier than Bantu being the penis dragon.

Hopefully.

Yes. Because you're gonna be cannon fodder--

I mean you're safe because you're on this little peninsula.

Don't get used to this! I just want my MONEY!

...maybe not.

Now to send Raddy to the Colisum! How bad could it be?

...Raddy so good. NEVER GOING TO THE ARENA AGAIN.

...Is there a "DUH FUCK YES" option?

10/10 shop, needs nerf

"Abel best character. Let's hope he doesn't go the way of Hardin!"

...so much hate.

*discussing potential warpskips*

"What about Oguma?"

"Abel has more Strength."

"...what about Agumon?"

I thought you deserved to see this.

...this is useless in Roshe's hands, but it lets Abel ORKO anything on a horse.

GUESS WHO'S GETTING WARPED TO THE FRONT?

ROSHE

GO FORTH AND FIGHT

NAMELY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING EXP ANY OTHER WAY AND I KINDA WANT A REPLACEMENT FOR HARDIN.

Huehuehuehuehue

He blocked off his own comrades!

Now Roshe doesn't face 3% crit!

4/14 Knight Killer uses used up. Worth it to see the CRITSPAM.

Reblow: for when blowing somebody once isn't good enough.

This time he's actually getting combat!

Master plan do not steal

Mercenaries doing our shopping.

Because trusting people we just met with all our money totally makes sense!

...Roshe... all I wanted was Speed. You could've passed on weapon level. You could've passed on Strength. You could've passed on Def. But I WANTED SPEED. AND YOU PROVIDED SHIT.

...speaking of shit.

DOGA SO CHAMP

Pity I can't just put him out there and make everyone else run.

JULIAN DA BEST.

ROSHE MVP

...that was with Knight Killer.

THEY DON'T COUNT AS HORSES

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

REALLY, OGUMA?

THE ONE DAY I NEED YOU TO CRIT.

THE ONE DAY.

"Marriage got 40 HP!"

I have stooped so low. Sooooo low.

COME ON ABEL DO IT

...jasdpofi;jsadka;gbha;fga;dfa;fslgas.

SON

OF

EVERY

BITCH

...just not good enough, Popeman.

THERE WE GO.

"If not Oguma, then Abel."

YOU SHALL EAT THOSE WORDS!

Yay, nobody's dead!

...although, how am I dealing with those reinforcements...

Barts OP as shit!

STR SKL SPE LCK DEF MHP.

"That's what you call the Jesus level."

SKL LCK WLV.

Totally worth it, Oguma. At least you killed a thwomp!

Can I get one crit from a Kill Sword? PLEASE?

LCK WLV, even though I fed you the Horseman!

...you'll be better in Book 2.

Because Rapier doesn't cut it at base Str.

On how BANUTU carries the Armorslayer forward:

"Do you think he has perfect teeth after all these years? He just puts the sword where a tooth used to be."

Rena cast Nostalgia!

Roshe remembers the past!

He regains HP for no reason!

Armorslayer spam, go!

"I like how the Archers have no pants."

Had to be used to doub--

...nevermind. Oh, the irony.

10/10 strat, don't steal.

BEST BAIT

Also Roshe got shot a couple times but nobody really cares.

He hit two eighties in a row from this!

"Quoted from Biraku: That's pretty hard."

MAG PROC OP

"...did he gain anything?"

NOPE!

"And nothing of value was gained."

How is Wendel actually getting stats?!

Critblicking: the answer.

"All it took to destroy an entire kingdom... was to kill one guy without any pants."

"And then something even more legendary happened: Marth killed something."

This, plus MHP.

CAN I GET SOME STR OR SPE OR WLV IN HERE?!

Pity Biraku isn't here~!

...apparently Soldier has a Ricardo fetish.

I have yet to figure out why.

"Put Ceasar Milan in the Arena! What do you have to lose?"
"Ceasar's life, a Steel Sword, some money--"

"You KNEW. YOU SHALL NOT TEMPT ME, SATAN!"

I'mma pop a cap in yo' bitchass!

Abel: YOU COULDN'T GET CRITS EARLIER

WHY NOW.

AMARICHA WINS! FATALITY! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Of course, when I'm prepared for reinforcements, they don't actually spawn.

Fuck you, game.

Nobody died that time, somehow! Tune in next time for something that will hopefully be funny!

[bottlegnomes]

As a heads up, if you didn't know, IIRC if a mounted character caps a stat while mounted, you need to dismount them so they can cap it dismounted.

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 8]

The Soldier joins me again for more "fun"!

Discussion topics during the break:

Winerva, because typefaces suck!

"Is Grunia Grust of Gra?"

"Fuck if I know!"

"GIVE RICARDO/JEIGAN THE STATBOOSTS"

"BOSS HAS A SPEEDRUN"

"MATTHIS AND BIRAKU: SAME PERSON!"

Ohhhh fuck.

Somebody's gonna die.

...why are we starting all the way up here.

I have NO IDEA where reinforce is coming from. No fuckin' clue.

"Dammit, all my good combat units are near the fro--wait, no, that's not a bad thing."

Anyone up for some terrorism?

If sending in a dragon to murder everyone isn't terrorism, I don't know what is.

He's wearing pants! MOTHER OF GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

"DOGA WILL BE USEFUL THIS MAP!"

...he missed.

Goddammit Bantu! AIM!

On how the first AK must have dodged:

"He was wearing a fridge."

"Bantu's taking some heavy fire."

[Note to self: Have Rena blow Bantu again. The first one didn't take.]

I should've brought bows.

Banutu

wow

so level

great proc

much improve

Ohhhh, yes. SO MUCH HP RESTORED.

...I might need some man-on-man blowing.

In other news, STR SPE LCK. Rena levels better than ANYONE ELSE!

Much blow!

JEIGAN WILL CHOKE THIS POINT!

*cue Doga crying in the background*

OH MY GOD THIS FRIDGE IS IMPENETRABLE

"It's like the fourth Indiana Jones."

"BWAH"

Also, those Reblows were TOTALLY NECESSARY RITE GUISE?

I need to have that Armor stay alive and tell everyone that WE HAVE A DRAGON TOO.

"Popeman Jones"

I... fut the whuck?

In other news, RENA WILL CHOKE THIS FORT.

JUST IN CASE.

FRIDGEMAN SO DURABLE!

REVENGE OF BANUTU!

...Bantu missed.

AND WE MISSED THE SCREENSHOT

AND I COULDN'T RIG A MISS SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK GAME

WE ARE READY

MINERVA, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A SLUT: GO AHEAD.

"Ricardo just got a boner."

WHY?!

NO

MY TREASURE

ALSO A STEEL SWORD

"Ricardo's heartbroken!"
"Rena's the one who should be heartbroken!"

"No, Ricardo's even more!"

...I swear you let this happen so Ricardo would get used.

...not actually bad, Marich. Not actually bad.

FINALLY.

...Abel... c'mon, buddy. Proc DEF once for me? Please?

Barts the BEAST!

Yay, killing things!

For Abel. So he doesn't, y'know, die.

CURSE THAT 7 DEF!

DOGA WILL PROTECT THESE CHUMPS

AND PROBABLY GET CRITTED.

Tanking!

"He's so good at killing things, but he's so frail!"

"So, perfect for Hardin to happen."

[in other news, watch the DS forums for Ricardo solo. If not, he will have ETERNAL SHAME.]

...I'm gonna go grab ham and worry about if I'm gonna need to murder Minerva.

Aaaaand I'm back. Ham! It's like goddamn Christmas bacon.

YES

NO MINERVA

Also Banutu de-shifted but nobody cares.

I'm not the only one getting fed!

Doga for best unit.

I didn't trust that 75%.

ABEL LEVEL

THIS IS NOW THE ABEL LEVEL.

ABEL LEVEL

BUT WITH HP.

WHYYYYYYYY.

IDENTITY CRISIS GO

...she's been doing good lately. I'll give this a pass.

HELLO NEW FRIENDS!

She will say this after Marth tries to cut her in half, gentlemen. Just so you know.

This is not safe. Not even remotely.

KAIN: Secretary-General of Actually Hitting.

THERE SHOULD BE A RESERVE BISHOP THERE

WHY IS IT NOT IN THAT FRAME.

Yesssssssss

Come to me, my pretty ♥

WOOP WOOP KAIN'S KATANA OR SOMETHING.

WORTH IT.

BARTS

ONE-ROUNDING CAVS WITH IRON

FUCKYEAH.

There used to be a horseman to the right, there.

...then Oguma got a crit.

...Abel, I...

No. No words.

NOTHING OF VALUE HAS BEEN LOST.

Somehow, nobody's gonna die!

This is a bit harder than FE11 NM! Not by thaaaat much... but still

...I was seriously hoping for Speed, but SKL LCK DEF HP will suffice for now.

This will end will for this guy. TOTALLY!

NOT THE ABEL LEVEL

CURSE YOU, MARRIAGE!

Slim Pickings Lance strikes again!

Aw yeah, critblick city! Victory music, commence~!

...this guy... I... have no words.

HOPING MR. GUY MOVES TODAY.

SLAYING BISHOPS

AS THE MASTER OF THE HAREM WOULD.

YARANAIKA.

...fitting, if a bit dickish.

...bitch, please.

Abel: he's the best, and you know it.

THE BLESSED 69 HIT

IT MISSED! BUT HOW?!

Sorry. Gotta protect my peeps, and such.

...this guy is THE BIGGEST CUNT TO DEAL WITH.

DEAR GOD.

STR SPE WLV HP.

You, Roshe... you are always welcome here.

HONORARY HARDIN!

That, plus another 3 Res.

Because Oguma was NOT getting more than 20 more levels this run. And you know it.

Besides, who could resist THAT?

He is the sex.

"Ricardo agrees."

NOT EVERYONE IS HOMO HERE

CHRIST, MAN

HOMOEROTIC EMBLEM 3: MYSTERY OF THE YARANAIKA.

Yay, Goddess Icon! Now Minerva doesn't die to bullshit crits!

Rena, I dunno what kinda 'roids you're on, but...

Don't stop taking them.

AW YES

SEIZURES!

THAT'S ALL FOR THIS MAP, BUT OGUMA'S A MONSTER AND THINGS ARE ACTUALLY PROMOTING. HOLD ON TO YOUR ANUSES.

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 9]

We're back! And the RICARDO FETISH HAS NO END.

"We will see the pale-skins soon. Smoke wampum peace pipe to relax. We fight."

Hey, look, it's a formation! Yay.

This Hoodlum is beating up the ARITIAN CHAMPION. Something... something is most definitely wrong here.

Namely, the fact that I'm still using him.

...I could be mad, but Marich needs the bulk, and the WLv is helpful for later stuff.

Abel, so accurate with those 83s.

Damn you, single-RN game!

More food for the chump who's supposed to fight Mediuth!

...why can't that be Oguma, again?

DODGEWYVERN

YEEEEEEEEAH!

Overkill crit was... most definitely overkill.

...does anyone thing this should've gone the other way around? Or is that just me?

Also, in another conversation about someone potentially dying:

"Is not a human life worth more than a weapon?"

"Fuck no!"

"Minerva doubling is swell. Y'know what else swells?"

"Ricardo."

...please, can we be done with this one? I need to make a poll, I swear.

Shin Deluxe! At least he didn't get WLv! I could literally not care less if he did, though!

+MHP.

...I'd like to show you Kain and Abel, at bases and now.

My units' bases. If you'll notice: Kain's 7 Str and Abel's 7 Def. 30% and 20% growths, respectively.

Kain became a mini-Minerva with Skl and Lck, whereas Abel is trying to be Oguma.

Except Oguma's kinda doing that better. But we have Silvers so fuck you.

Whereas Roshe just sits here, quietly trying to fill Hardin's shoes. Once he procs Speed, he'll start doubling things with Silver sometimes. That'd be just swell.

"Fill Hardin's shoes for Biraku."

I'm totally conserving Excalibur, guise!

Yay, cav fight! Cav fight!

...Marth just ORKO'd something in his own right.

What a man's man.

GODDAMN POPE

WAY TO GET DA SPEEDS

...don't wanna feed Roshe? That's... that's cool...

*tiptoeing intensifies*

Bantu: "Is old."

Jeigan: "Is very old."

I cannot stop laughing!

He's so happy to be wrecking us!

Because 20 damage isn't scary as hell.

Especially with Pantsman around!!

"This is who[m] he hugs when there's no-one else around."

"I need this Steel Bow so bad, man."

"You need something hard to pull?"

...I walked right into that one.

She'll get them from behind!

"Yaranaika."

...I almost forgot there are villages here.

Why won't that damned Mamkute de-shift?!

I CAN'T ATTACK THEM WHEN THEY'RE HUMAN

THAT DAMN MAID IN POR LIED TO ME, I SWEAR

RENA

IS ON

THE 'ROIDS.

I'm going to wait thirty seconds, and then I'll let myself murder this bastard.

Prepare your anus.

"What are you talking about? That guy looks like a legitimate businessman."

OH GOD

WHY DO I KNOW AN ANSWER TO THIS THAT I REALLY REALLY DON'T WANNA SAY

...dat 20-Mt boomstick.

How did this chick get captured by slavers, again?

WORTH IT.

ALSO THIS HAPPENED SOMEHOW.

He has a 50% WLv growth (and those tend to err on the side of a loooooooooot in this game), so he's definitely sticking around and carrying around the BOOMBOW.

Master baiting.

Nobody make the joke. NOBODY.

Someone is a little happy to be going on a rampage!

JAVELIN BAIT

WOOP WOOP WOOP

...way to tank that 36, Oguma.

Miss and get hit. OF COURSE.

"Minerva can help, says you!"

THE POPE

THE POPE WILL SAVE THE DAY!

"Great victory for the Dear Leader."

...didn't know that we had Kim Jong Abel on our team today.

Reblow! Because fuck that Julian guy!

Everyone's still alive!

"...for now."

Not quite Abel Level.

...two 15% crits in a row. Stylish, but wholly unnecessary.

Roshe, the critmeister!

FINALLY

THIS MAP

IT IS DONE.

...Rena, since when did you start becoming Abel?

Okay, now it's done.

Sorry if this one was a little dull--3 AM will do that to you.

[Shin]

The level ups please me greatly! Who would have thought 30 was equal to 0!

[Terrador]

There's a new poll, and all you jerks should vote!

Also: curse you Shin, etc.

[Shin]

The lack of a Biraku option saddens me. I'd personally hold on to promote Roshe, the other two can probably manage unpromoted for a while.

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 10]

I'm alone now! Thank God!

Good thing coup-de-grace doesn't exist in this setting!

ARITIAN KNIGHTS (and accompanying scrubs)! CHARGE!

Roshe's all the way in the back! How is he supposed to get LEVELS now?

GO MARTH

GET MURDERD BY KILL-SWORD GUY

Pro defensive strat, do not steal!

...yeah, he kiiiinda got critted.

George must be feeling pretty...

*shades*

Chipper.

Roshe the THWOMP KNIGHT is here to save the day!

Seriously, though, three DEF procs? Guy's a beast.

Skill, Luck, Weapon level, Max HP.

...not STR? Not SPE? Not DEF?

THESE ARE ALL 50% PROCS FOR YOU, MAN

I EXPECT YOU TO HIT ONE ON EACH LEVEL.

JUST

ONE.

This totally won't end bloody of those armors decide to move.

The No-Move Brigade fights on!

ALL ACCORDING TO KEIKAKU

Str Wlv Res MHP is actually a pretty damn swell level. I'll take it.

YES

CAUGHT ONE THIEF!

...would this be an appropriate time for a "rest in pieces"?

He may not have critted the Thief, but STR SPE LCK WLV MHP is a damn fine level, if I do say so m'self.

Oguma: shredding treasure-hounds since 1990.

STR SPE WLV MHP?

Is this map Good Levels: The Map? Because I swear it is.

Rena: literally my only 5-Mov unit. And how it shows!

Barts: Master Chip-Bot.

...why did I bring you, again?

An Orion's Bolt! Gosh golly, Gordin will be so happy!

THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY RAGES ON.

Why am I actually using George? Because I'd like him to have Parthia without being fed the Manual!

Marth might need that for the Miracle Sword!

THUNDER SWORD ROSHE

Right up there with 20 Mag!Sonic Sword!Ike!

Funnily enough, George is actually pretty good for dealing with this guy, too! At least, baiting him out.

Nothing like finding ten grand in a treasure chest, hm?

On the one hand: This guy is WAY too strong.

On the other: better this than having to not open chests for awhile!

Don't worry, imprisoned knights! ROSHE OF THE WOLFGUARD will save you!

And apparently, Roshe is a fan of CRITTING!

And not a fan of mages.

Finally, I can figure out the buttons for this damned game!

Yay, relative safety!

George: Best lure to date. Gotta love 2-range that can double!

Mar-bear... ever heard of crits? Pretty-please? Just one, for me?

Eh, who cares. We have clerics for this!

Somehow not getting murdered: it's how Marich rolls.

There were so many tomes Wendel couldn't use!

Gotta love the Dragon Killer. Just... gotta love it.

Fuck da po-lice! Or the clergy, as the case may be.

...funny thing is, that's the one stat I really wanted.

MY SWORD IS THE SWORD THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS

...I believed in you, and you let me down, man.

Wow, Marth, are you quite done not killing this guy? I swear, I'm tempted to feed Rochelle the kill...

Chips, a part of our Akaneian Balanced Breakfast!

>Str Spe WLv MHP

>Str

STR

KAIN

GOT STREEEEEEEEEEENGTH

WHAT A MAN'S MAN!

I missed the screencap, but Martha actually killed that General! Wow! Much Marth! So adept! Much excellence!

Aaaaaand the Sniper has been successfully baited out! Go Oguma! What a champ!

I have been dying for another one of these.

Rena. PLEASE

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR 'ROIDS.

Chapter 15 cannot come soon enough.

Oguma's... kind of a crit-fiend.

Barts: he has this covered.

...critstomp? Critstomp.

These guys have Silvers, so I'm actually being kind of cautious!

All this, plus Def and MHP.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

AW YEAH.

Not letting this guy get critted.

Can Marth get the crit and one-round for a level?

DAMN STRAIGHT, HE CAN!

...the game said Boots are +5 Mov, cap 11.

I HAVE BEEN LIED TO!!

That said, it's still ridiculous that Marth is like a Dracoknight with swords now. Carry on.

And Seize.

There's one last thing you've gotta see before we go, though...

BOOM.

PALADIN ROCHELLE, IN ALL HER GLORY.

Next time: Lots of units! Paola, Katua, and Astria! One of these things is not like the others, y'know!

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 11]

Hey, guys! Guess what?

I've decided that Marth should be Oguma.

Prince Bait, to the rescue!

Dodgy Marth!

Sad news: I was secretly using Sheeda to give her the Mediuth kill, just to troll, but... I warped her in and she kinda got asploded by a Hero that doubled her.

'

Good news is that we have three brand-spankin'-new recruits now!

Q: is it time to send Oguma in to shred everything?

A: Yes. Yes, it is.

DEAR GOD RENA.

DEAR GOD.

Two crits is in no way overkill.

CHIP! Because stoopid AS.

Minerva too strong; needs nerf.

Yay, Fireball chipping!

DAMMIT, SHEEDA, WHY?!

Better Gordon will take the kill, the.

This was TOTALLY WORTH IT.

CRITSPLODED.

Minerva... kinda blew up another Thwomp.

STR SPE WLV

MINERVA YOU SAINT

THWOMP OGUMA!

Scrubs hide in a corner and protect themselves...

While the actual units file past the archers.

Thank God, no crit!

Paladin Roshe is too sexy!

POPE CRIT

Now, to finish them all off for free EXP!

+MHP

Ahh... much better.

SHITLIPPING DICKNIGGERS

CAMUS

FALL BACK

FALL BAAAAAAAAAAACK

Most masterful plan!

Abel is--just a tad hurt.

ENTIRELY NECESSARY.

At this point, I could not care much less. Rena's just kicking too much ass!

Time for New Sheeda to burn through a LOT of enemy Pegasi.

STR SKL SPE MHP? Yes, ma'am!

Lulziest mistake ever? Maybe.

Believe it or not, Marth kinda stomped the guy--24 damage in a round, and didn't even get touched.

What a boss.

So fast! So lucky! So adept!

Not quiiiiiiiiite a level.

Now he can use Bolganone!

...not that we ever really cared.

Somehow, not even a little surprising.

Rushed screencap was rushed, and shitty level was, in fact, shitty.

CURSES!

Abel gets in for the assist... what a level!

After what feels like a million turns, Marth has the treasure and Katua is going in to take down that Bishop!

I almost missed this level! Not that it matters much.

No crit, but that level is daaaaamn nice!

That was appropriate.

The pain! Oh, the agonizing growing pain!

Mano-a-mano. LET'S DANCE, GRUTIAN!

Then, two rounds later, this happens.

Next time: Pimp My Chump, FE3 edition!

[Terrador]

[spoiler=Book 1 Chapter 12]

Here's our chump!

We're gonna turn her MANLY!

I understand that I need to stay away from you!

At least, until Rena gets a Bishop Ring and Starlight. On that day... goodbye.

This is just starting out swell, isn't it?

Oh, and in case you didn't know the rules: New Sheeda is eating the whole goddamn map.

Down to the last enemy.

THAT ENDED POORLY.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODDESS

All this--and DEF!

...that Thief is way too close to the treasure room. Time for inventive things? Time for inventive things.

Namely, running past Garnef.

...this entire "feed whole map to Katua" idea? Might not pan out.

OUCH.

OKAY

FUCK THE SOLO, AND FUCK THE BOOSTERS

GETTING THROUGH THIS MAP ALIVE IS NOW THE PRIORITY.

CURSE YOU, SHIN!

"Oh, please. As if it'll matter after this."

...well. Fuck. As if this wasn't humiliating enough.

I AM MASTER STRATE--

FUCK ME.

I LIBRO'D THE WRONG UNIT.

Did the math, and Katua's death chance is 52%. JOY.

LULZY DODGE WAS LULZY

Thunder Sword: hits Res, doesn't have flat damage.

BAH

CURSES

etc.

A+ crit, Martha. A+.

Thank God for Barrier and high Speed. That is all.

...thank you for killing the Pegasus, at least.

Running the fuck away? Check.

STR SPE WLV HP

YEAH

'MARTHICA.

THIS WILL NOT BE GAME OVER.

BLOOD AND THUNDER

VICTORY AT SEA!

"Well--there is a river next to you."

...why so deadpan?

"I just realized how appropriate it is that Popeman Jones is cleaning house here.

I'm back and bigger than ever."

...said some guy in bed?

I don't even know.

Popeman Jones got an Abel level while he was CHOKING THE POINT!

...he really does need that Luck.

Good ol' Gyazo Error 12007: Sending twelve James Bond movies to the server and overloading it.

No critblicking the Pope today!

Really, Rena? Skill and Luck?

"Curse you, Shin, etc."

WENDEL WILL CHOKE THIS POINT!

MY POPE IS BETTER

Back to our regularly-scheduled ass-whoopin'? YESSIR.

Critblick!

THIS PLUS RES AND HP

WHAT A BOSS

WHAT A BEAST.

"Marth has a pretty okay chance of winning."

There's no Again staff, man. You can be done now.

He's not gone! He's been up top for two turns! I might actually get something!

So Rutoga!

Also, uh--

The Thief kinda left that exact turn. GG me.

SKL SPE WLV HP.

Speed is now capped! Martha is my first unit to cap anything this run!

...and now I feel like that Speed Ring is kinda wasted...

Aaaaaaaaand HP.

"It's like his growths get better the higher-level he gets."

...this might be true for everyone.

FINALLY DONE MOPPING UP

ROLLERSKATES IN THE DESERT, GO!

How 'bout that "boss"?

"He's very challenging."

And FINALLY, this dark day is over.

At least Martha is a BEAST now!

HE'S LIKE OGUMA

BUT SEXIER.

Archsage Cat: "Eh, who cares about your family. I know your SAIYAN PRIDE must be humiliated by Garnef.

Also Catria died but that was your own damn fault."

Tune in next time for, uh, VENGEANCE or something!