finished Let's Play: OpenXCOM - UFO Defense

[eclipse]

Oh man, "Coldfire" is sixty times cooler than "Felicia". Oh, and since we're close to the end. . .lemme see if I can pull some wiki pics up for my characters.

Lucky Chloe

Sean

C. Jam

Ragna

As Felicia's alive, she doesn't get a pic. . .but those of you familiar with Darkstalkers know who she is, anyway.

[Parrhesia]

A blind LP of an X-Com game would be hilarious. The games are similar, but there should be enough differences to keep it interesting.

I'd probably try out real-time combat. So I guess place your votes after the finale - which will, incidentally, be in video.

[euklyd]

Rorschach: "Well... I mean... he did."

wait did I get saying "well I mean..." when the "I mean" is completely meaningless from you

I was wondering where I might've picked that up

also

Name: Ng (of Ng Security Industries)

Sex: Male

Class: If at all possible, Tank. If that's not available, he'd prefer to be of the whatever-is-most-mechanized class.

Other: His helicopter caught while evacuating him from a war zone; while he made it to an aircraft carrier, he lost most of his body. While he's tried out several prosthetics, he's found he prefers changing his body into something else entirely.

Something better.

Something packing as much destructive power as possible.

"Your mistake," Ng says, "is that you think that all mechanically assisted organisms - like me - are pathetic cripples. In fact, we are better than we were before."

[Parrhesia]

RECRUITS

GEOSCAPE

We explode it, but if you think we're going to fight it, you haven't been paying attention.

So I think air dominance is secure.

All their eggs in one basket? Copied that approach from us, clearly!

We're very plainly on the front foot, and really even if we lost Fort Kanye we could recover to win comfortably.

There's no way of getting the US back, if you were curious.

... This can happen?! Fuck yeah! This month is just gonna be busting open the - well, three, now, bases that we know of.

... why is a medium scout conducting alien terror

... why is a small scout conducting a base assault

They aren't. I'm starting to wonder if the mission thing isn't broken.

Mmm.

Acghh.

Ghhh.

This base took way too long to make any good and it's literally just a plasma interceptor and 20 guys to defend it and now a hyperwave, it's useless.

BUT IT CAN FUCK THIS CUNT UP

oh yeah that's why we stopped using interceptors

get

the

fuck

out

of

adelaide

jesus.

This is why we've won the air battle. See that range thing? Firestorms... I guess like with a balanced attack they sort of keep flying away and just beat the shit out of the enemy at that range which is longer than the range of any alien weapon. Also double plasma beams like one-shot most scouts.

I used aggressive up until I lost... my last interceptro

t a s t y

get the fuck in

btw you want to know how bad rocket launchers are

rockets have a power of 85

laser cannon have a power of 110. without being dogshit.

In fact the laser cannon tank has the same armour and weapon power as the plasma cannon... I don't know if that's due to the heavy laser and tank buffs that are on, but either way. We have a hovertank now.

The scouts get shelved for the time being. I don't need pawns - I have a fucking TANK.

BATTLESCAPE

Goliath: "Tank Commander David Goliath reportin' in, HQ. Takin' fire from the eleven o'clock position, advise reaction, Broken Arrow may or may not be needed, over."

Falstaff: "The fuck you waitin' for?! Get out there and kill those motherfuckers!"

America: "They, uh, seem to have picked their place to make a stand."

Storm: "Two down! But, fuck, is that five in there?!"

Galt: "Fucking commies."

America: "That's the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life."

Goliath: "Witness spotted. Moving to annihilate."

Falstaff: "Looks like I've found an area free of contact. Go me."

Cooldown: "Alright. Well. This fucker was not facing the correct direction."

Bierce: "Aaargh! Aaah! Fuck! I missed! I missed everything! Help!"

Cooldown: "We're coming, Ambrose!"

Bierce: "It didn't fire. Hah. Looks like alien indoctrination didn't give it a solution when forced out of its comfort zone. One could perhaps say the same of our modern, human society. Mark my words, people, you are looking at the end stage of thousands of years on the capitalist

Slampage: "Do I hear the faint mumblings of a ... socialist?"

Slampage: "THIS IS FOR AMERICA, YOU LITTLE SHIT"

Bierce: "Oh, Colonel! Thank you for saving me in a self-interested attempt to salvage your career."

Slampage: "oh. good. i missed and the traitor lives."

Chalice: "Nice work, rookie."

Ryan: "oh god i saw laoise's face in that dead sectoid."

Chalice: "Power source is secure."

Ryan: "there is so much blood on my hands"

Slampage: "Ah, fuck-"

i am so stupid why did i put him under the lift he's my favourite soldier please save me flying suits

Cooldown: "You bastard! You fucking bastard!"

Cooldown: "Fuck you all! Bastards! Cunts! DIE!"

Gulliver: "good morning"

Guilliver: "Wait, did I"

Guilliver: "shit."

All I'm seeing on enemy phase are 'going berserk' messages. The sad thing is that if the Soldier above Slampage had panicked instead of gone berserk...

Coldfire: "f u c k"

Coldfire: "Okay, good work on not murdering me while I had a short break around the corner, I will definitely not be returning the favour, good fucking night."

Bierce: "Time to capture the alien CEO."

Jims: "No, mate, just step back a bit-"

Casualties: Colonel Thunder Slampage, entirely avoidably.

[Parrhesia]

GEOSCAPE

Do any of you actually remember Reapers? You would be entirely forgiven, floaters seem a world away.

Get the fuck in, the Psi-labs are done.

Right, I have a plan for this. Put all my most psi-skilled guys here, and, well, the survivors get to go onto the alien base.

Interestingly, the three survivors from that first Funky Town mission - Ironclaw, Sweetriff and MacBeth - were all Force-sensitive, at 100, 97 and 94 respectively. Shame MacBeth's dead.

'Heart'

Hmm... let's see what you do.

Bah. Nobody wants to pick a fight with us!

I wish we could turn this knowledge into even better tanks. Ah well, we splash another supply ship, and as Balanced is currently 'winning' (by which I mean losing, but the two extremes are tied...) we go and take it out as training for the secondary squad.

so many scouts, jesus.

BATTLESCAPE

Sweetriff: "maybe we could go through one mission without anyone dying."

Nevalainen: "Nah."

Sweetriff: "THEY HAVE HAPPENED. CHECK THE RECORDS. I'M NOT LYING."

Axejaw: "Oh no."

Blum: (roughly) "This place is fucked up!"

Axejaw: "waaah something's shooting at me i want to go home"

P. Molyneux: "WHY DID YOU SHOOT THERE."

Axejaw: "i felt lucky"

Blum: (roughly) "The hole in the floor is crucial to my handling of the situation!"

Drongo: "Aw get absolutely slutted up!"

Nevalainen: "Fucking hell, Axejaw, nowhere near! ... Fuck, I missed too! FUCK!"

Drongo: "Oh, that cunt? He's fucked too! Just let me-"

Smashdown: "w h o o p s"

Drongo: "fakrkkk"

Smashdown: "Nobody saw that, right... ? Tragic, huh? That he was shot by an alien. And not me."

Attenborough: "And observing the sniper in his natural habitat, we see that this large, sluggish male has inadvertantly shot one of his own kin in the attempt to strike down an opponent. Despite his macho posturing, it appears that this particular young beta cannot handle his own recoil. Fascinating."

Smashdown: "Fuck."

P. Molyneux: "Walking out into overwatch? A classic, unAmerican mistake. Now somebody get Blum's corpse and we'll-"

Blum: (roughly) "I survived!"

Rouge: "Nothing but static from Nevalainen's radio. Think he's gone."

Axejaw: "There they are! Fire, fuck, fire!"

Axejaw: "Heh. Never in doubt."

Rouge: "Oh, so this is why all the veterans hate you."

Axejaw: "What?!"

Rouge: "Anyway, I got the other one. Now let's move on."

Ironclaw: "Did they hurl a grenade at us?"

Blum: (roughly) "I think they tried."

Ironclaw: "Huh."

Rockjaw: "All clear here."

Ironclaw: "Ah, shit, Blum! I liked that Blum. He almost had a personality."

Smashdown: "I... I really needed you to die with those three shots to the back, and not kill my medic. God damn it."

Comelately: "Oh fuck don't kill me, please, fuck..."

Sweetriff: "Oh, you took the others, but you won't have me! YOU! WON'T! HAVE! ME!"

Rockjaw: "Hey, overwatch kill! See that, Johnny? ... Johnny?"

Temple: "Oh."

Temple: "You woke up."

Temple: "Lucky. You."

Attenborough: "Ahh... the alien doors can be opened silently... allowing for a... quick... kill..."

Buzzsaw: "Oh, jesus, Dave. Fuck."

Attenborough: "... akin to... the trap... door... spider..."

Buzzsaw: "Ethereal. You made a bad mistake fucking with a hard motherfucker like me. GANGSTA STYLE AKIMBOOOO"

McCann: "Did you... really miss all of your shots? Ugh... I'll deal with this, lad."

Casualties: Dave Attenborough, Stephen Jay Blum, Johnny Comelately, Captain Jay Steven Blum, Henrik Nevalainen, Geneva Molyneux, Damo Drongo, Hera Thunderdome, Flex Smashdown

Edited February 20, 2015 by Parrhesia

[Dandragon]

DRONGO

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Today is a sad day

[fengaridotdll]

DON'T WORRY GUYS the president is still alive!

[riariadne]

A salute given to a fallen hero... and not Dandra's scrub. But the legacy must be uptaken.

Name: Zeus Slampage

Sex: Male

Class: Sniper [presumably you can't pick Eagle or whatever but if you can, then that]

Other: Actually I have no idea if you'll be able to get this guy before you finish or whatever but I feel obligated to make some sort of effort here.

[Parrhesia]

RECRUIT

yesss

GEOSCAPE

This is the squad heading to the asian Alien Base. Minus the tank. Though we'll wait long enough for a-

Ah, hell. Well, balanced is winning right now. So we plop the tank back on. Let's get to it.

... Nevermind. It fell into the ocean.

I guess we were interrogating an engineer or something?

Have the small scout, while we're at it. I like how we have the second-best and the shittiest ships researched, no others.

Alright, time to actually attack the base now. With the above squad, no tank, but Javelin Victory and the three scouts.

BATTLESCAPE

Termagant: "noooo"

I'm not gonna lie. I made a really pathetic little 'awwh...' sound in real life when I saw the Sectopod.

All the heavies are on the wrong side.

Noluck: "NO MERCY."

Time: "I heard a lot of screaming. Great work."

Galt Jr: "THE WEAK DIE. THE STRONG GROW STRONGER."

Time: "Mm... no, no screams from that one. Not great, Galt."

Shrift: "We're ready. We're ready. We're fucking ready. C'mon. Alright. Get the fuck... we're... we're fucking ready... oh, God..."

Rorschach: "HAH! HAH! TAKE IT, YOU BASTARD! FUCKING. DIE YOU LITTLE PRICK. CUNT. FUCK. DIE."

Cooldown: "Jesus, a lot of excitement over the radio. Wonder what's going on over there?"

Time: "... What's this shit for?"

Bierce: "Heh. Seeing the elite caste from below? And they're the same as the rest."

Bierce: "Hm, I guess I can slip back and consider this area scoute-"

Time: "Oh, medic! Follow me, there's more killing to be done!"

Bierce: "... Damn."

Shrift: "No... no! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

Galt: "Y E S"

Shrift: "M- maybe?"

Shrift: "Fuck, they're still manning the watchtower!"

Ryan: "oh god so many screams"

Rorschach: "A new challenger?! Fucking beta! I! KILLED! A! SECTOPOD!"

Chalice: "Damn it! Why can't any of them show up on the flank with the heavies?!"

Noluck: "Jesus. This is some precision shit, I'm really surprised they let me do it."

Donoghue: "Aye, and I'm glad they weren't able to fire back..."

Jims: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

JimJam: "Christ, they just don't die! Keep firing, Barack!"

Obama: "I'm tryin', I'm tryin'!"

Ryan: "broken heart, broken sectopod"

Margrave: "Christ, these heavy lasers do a hell of a job."

Cooldown: "Oh, yeah, there's a watchtower guy... I really wish I'd nailed him."

Tooth: "I have you covered... jesus, you've fucked this place up right proper."

Rorschach: "FELICIA! Damn it... fire, fire, fire, fire!"

Chalice: "Time! Damn it, damn it, damn it, at least he got the shot off, but..."

Rorschach: "SHOOT!"

Haywire: "Got it! Fuck, my gun's overheated, but..."

Rorschach: "Yeah, join the club, mate... Alright, can we finally move on and capture this prick?"

Hardluck: "Huh. Guess these things aren't just for ships. Unguarded, though, thank fuck."

Tooth: "Ugh, there goes one of our gunners... thanks, Obama!"

Shrift: "I have you covered."

Cooldown: "I thought you were having a panic attack, mate?"

Shrift: "Sectopods, mate, everything else is a fuckin' breeze next to them."

Cooldown: "... Fair point."

Victory: "Got him?"

Rorschach: "Well, yeah, but..."

Victory: "Oh, what now?"

Rorschach: "He doesn't feel quite... high-ranked enough."

Victory: "Oh, for fuck's sake."

Donaghue: "Laugh it up, mate, grenades are a fuckin' irrelevance these days!"

Chalice: "I'm going in there. Let's make this capture."

Leader and Soldier. Where the fuck was the Commander?!

Sharpy Gulliver, after that mission, is up to 21 missions and 7 kills.

Casualties: Marc d'Hondt, Liberty Termagant, Felicia Coldfire, Sergeant Borrowed Time, Barack Obama

[eclipse]

Dammit. RIP Felicia, at least you were somewhat relevant. Now, who's next. . .

Name: Shen

Sex: Male

Class: Heavy

Other: After a certain guy named Ash Crimson screwed with time, Shen was forcefully ejected into the XCOM universe, because it makes more sense than Ash's fate.

[fengaridotdll]

BARACK OBAMA IS DEAD OH GOD WHAT WILL THE USA DO WITHOUT THE PRESIDENT

Oh well, app time

Name: The Cannon

Sex: Male

Class: Tank

Other: Prefers chilling in a tank which he put custom leather seats in for maximum comfort

[Parrhesia]

RECRUIT

GEOSCAPE

Did we capture a sectopod alive? No, medic interrogations give you details on terrorists, since they can't be captured (besides Chryssalids).

Shitton of ships, we catch none of htem.


They're all going to Antarctica though... what if the Skyranger has a bit of a snoop about?



Eyyy.




Let's fuck a base. Again.


This time we're going for the OG.

BATTLESCAPE

Lockjaw: "This is not a quiet LZ."


Cooldown: "Fuck, fuck! FUCK! DIE!"


Haywire: "It's down. Whew... I heard of some horror stories about these things back in the day. Glad things have changed."
Cooldown: "We need a medic out here, either way. Why the fuck don't we have any over here?!"


Tooth: "Aah, they're just pouring out here!"


Cooldown: "I really hope we get this fucking commander, I'll tell you what."
Tooth: "It's a bloodbath out here, mate! Just all them so far..."


Gulliver: "Stun guys forward! We really need some flashbangs ahead!"
Storm: "Aagh, I'm hit..."
Ironcurtain: "Coming, coming!"


J. Ryan: "Oh, God, they're everywhere... !"


Falstaff: "I got him, I got him... christ, all these tunnels, it's like a fuckin' rabbit warren here."
Hardluck: "Do rabbits normally carry heavy fucking plasma guns?!"


Jims: "Aah! Aah! Medic! Aah!"


I. Ryan: *sneer*
Shrift: "They're coming at us from everywhere! It's a good thing they're so shit, eh?"


Rockhenge: "Oh, fuck you-"


Haywire: "Hell, I mean, who needs loot."


Lazuli: "Oh. Hi."


Tooth: "Aalllright, this is a siege situation right here."


Noluck: "THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME"


Noluck: "Hey, Tooth! See that? Yeah, you're safe now! Whoo! Fuckin' called in the best! Yeah, baby! Wooooo!"
Galt Jr: "STAND ASIDE, WEAKLING."


Galt Jr: "There! A convincing explosion, several screams, and... and..."
Lockjaw: "Enemy artillery fire on our position!! Return fire, siege! Return fire! I don't know where it... they're... it's fucking..."
Cooldown: "What the fuck are you doing, Galt? Noluck?! This is your job!"
Galt Jr: "t h e w e a k d i e t h e s t r o n g s u r v i v e"


Shen: "OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. WHERE IS THE SUPPORT."
Noluck: "I sent some down there!"
Shen: "NOOOO"



Galt Jr: "HNNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHFor twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge -I am the man who will now tell you. You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man’s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have”
He went berserk and turned to face a wall. If his launcher had been loaded he would've fragged himself and all our equipment and it would've been really funny tbh.


Margrave: "Dealt with this. Leave it to the Eagles. Shen? Your flank?"


Shen: "hnnnmmmghff"


Chalice: "Leave it to the Eagles."
Shen: "My visor's clogging up with smoke. Jesus christ, why do they explode? Why do they have to explode?!"


Margrave: "Oh, don't you play coy with me, kid!"


Casualties: Rankin Guardsman, Natalia Ironcurtain, Ultimatum Tooth, Rising Red, Lapis Hardluck

[Parrhesia]

GEOSCAPE

Ugh.


Either way, not too much excitement ahead of the next fight. A lot of wounded from last base, but a lot of people come back onto the rotation.


Scouts will have pistols and stun launchers. I need this fucking commander.

BATTLESCAPE

Storm: "Ugh, back from injury just in time for another go-around with these chucklefucks?"


Haywire: "Sectopods. No messing, boys, light 'em up."


Haywire: "You guys are almost kind of worth it, you know?"


I. Ryan: *grunt*
Haywire: "No, you idiot, the face! Shoot it in the face! Not the fucking wall!"


America: "JASON! God... damn it..."


America: "I can kill... you can kill..."


America: "Anyone can kill!"
Shrift: "Wow. That'd be fuckin' inspirational if you'd actually killed the second sectopod."


Ryan: *grunt*
Victory: "Flying sniper's down. How's the guy I shot?"
Shrift: "Um..."
Victory: "I guess that's an answer. Even Eagles fluff their lines sometimes."


Storm: "Fuuuuucckkkk..."


Shrift: "..."
Haywire: "Karma! It was karma! ... and the heavy smoke!"


Steer: "HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING."


America: "... Okay, I swear the fucking aliens are subtly fucking our aim to kill each other! Trust me!"


Bierce: "Man... we've made some lucky captures."


Haywire: "Shrift! Shit! He was one of the ones who was meant to live forever!"


O'Donnell: "Jesus..."


Galt Jr: "Worry not. The Messiah is here for you."
O'Donnell: "I mean... great. Sure. Thanks. Idiot."


Cheapgrog: "Hm... Starr's radio turned to static..."


Margrave: "FALL ASLEEP WHEN I HIT YOU WITH MY GUN"
Bierce: "It's fine, it's fine! We'll just stun him and drag him home when our flashbangs have a chance to rel-"


Haywire: "Uhhh... lads... I think I'm gonna let this little fish lie..."


Galt Jr: "Ahh... the static... it's maddening..."
Noluck: "GALT PUT THAT LAUNCHER DOW-"


Cardfeather: "Aw, no... aw no... aw no..."
Bitterman: "AAAA"


Donoghue: "i'm not feeling too well"


Haywire: "Three shots to the back of the head and I'm alive, motherfucker! Nothing can stop me now! Fuck! You!"


fuck ethereals
Casualties: Wave Chess, Grad Steer, Mars Lazuli, Ambrose Bierce, Balkan Falstaff, Colonel Calliope Margrave, Captain Javelin Victory, Captain Corsica Chalice, Colonel Short Shrift, Pressure Storm, Jason Ryan, John Galt Jr., Allskill Noluck

[euklyd]

so, no commander, then

alas

[Parrhesia]

I hate ethereals and bases and capturing I just want to kill everything.

[Parrhesia]

BATTLESCAPE

This is the base right next to the America base. This is a long-overdue assault.


Day: "Damn, damn, damn! Why is it only the fucking Ethereals who make bases?!"


McCann: "We kill first and ask questions later this time."


Blindlove: "Dealin' with the situation."
McCann: "Now that's what I like to see. More of that!"


Day: "Okay. Alien control? Induced friendly fire? THAT IS NOT WHAT I LIKE TO SEE."


Day: "Jesus, Hunt, stone fucking cold..."
Hunt: "We didn't have time to fuck about!"


McCann: "Sectopod down here took out Flint! We need siege!"


Hrutka: "... Hopefully?"


Hrutka: "oh"


Goldrims: "FLYING IS SO ANNOYING. FUCK FLIERS. FUCK THEM ALL."


Day: "STOP PANICKING AND HELP ME!"


Goldrims: "A C C E P T M E I N T O T H E S W A R M"


Hardcore: "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO"
Temple: "All clear, I guess... given that you're still alive..."


McCann: "Arggh, this is fucking mental!"
Rockjaw: "We need an evac by this stage, surely!"
Ironclaw: "No! We hold the course as long as we can!"


Blindlove: "Aaargh, fuck! How was I to know the explosion would spill out that far?!"
Ironclaw: "Hold your nerve, soldier! Temple knew the risks... and you took out another 'pod."


Day: "We can't make both captures!"
Ironclaw: "No fucking about by this stage! Three bolts to the back's good enough!"


Goldrims: "OH FUCK, I'M HAVING REGRETS."


Day: "Aargh, medic!"
Ironclaw: "I have you covered... christ, this is a bloodbath, but at least our troops are regaining their senses..."


Ironclaw: "No, fuck, no! And Hunt's down..."
Day: "I'll cover you, chief!"


Day: "This one seems like a leader..."
Blum: (roughly) "We've rejoined the fight! What's the situation?"
Ironclaw: "Fucking grim. But we can win this."


Goldrims: "HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?! SIEGE! SIEGE!"


Hrutka: "Made the shot! Are you alright?"
Goldrims: "Christ, more or less..."


Blum: "Hopefully your luck capturing the commander's as good as mine with this leader... that's twice I've shot him into submission. The bastard even got out of my backpack!"


Goldrim: "Awgh, I hate that this is my job apparently!"


Buzzsaw: "PUT. THE LAUNCHER. DOWN."


Rouge: "Yeah, no, diplomacy's failed here..."


Ironclaw: "Well?"
Rouge: "LEADER. I WANT TO DIE."


Goldrims: "It followed me home. Can you bomb it?"


Blindlove: "Heh... the waypoints look like a moustache!"
Goldrims: "Oh, just shut up and shoot, will you?"


Rockjaw: "WHAT?"


the other siege guy gets him next turn, but jesus christ.
Casualties: Lynch Strangewolf, Slur Steelface, Force Halfplunge, Blunt Stonehenge, Beretta Flint, Meat Fistseeker, Axe Gunshock, Endless Avalanche, Petrarch Molyneux, Nirvana Temple, Bliss Unyielding, Michaela Hunt, Bitcoin Rand

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

Name: Owain Glyndŵr

Class: Heavy

Sex: Male

Other: The last native Welshman to hold the title of the Prince of Wales in the 15th century. He has been raised from the dead to fight the alien scourge just as he had struggled against the English for Welsh independence. A fiery presence on the battlefield, alleged to have great mental powers. If that fails, his gun should suffice.

[Parrhesia]

GEOSCAPE

'rarely appear on earth' i fucking wish

Jesus, alright. They're both battleships. THEY have commanders.

This, and the tank, is the squad.

BATTLESCAPE

Axejaw: "A... a.... s- s- s- s- sect- secto- s- s-"

Ironclad: "None of this shit, commander! Jesus christ, none of this shit now! Get siege on that point!"

Blindlove: "Hahaha! Burn, baby!"

Axejaw: "One of them lived! Help! HELP!"

Ironclaw: "KEEP! MOVING! FORWARDS!"

Axejaw: "NO! NO! NO!"

McCann: "Ach, we have you covered. Just keep takin' the fire from inside your fuckin' shell, you fuckin' baby."

Axejaw: "Another of you behind that window?! Another of you behind that window?! Eh?! YOU WON'T HAVE ME, MATE! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU! WON'T! HAVE! ME!"

Ironclaw: "Jesus, I remember when you were at least annoyingly macho and professional half the time. Now you've just lost the fucking plot."

Axejaw: "I'm not going up, right?"

Ironclaw: "Shock and awe, mate, shock and awe."

Axejaw: "What?"

Ironclaw: "Just ... just go up."

Axejaw: "HMM NOPE GOING UP"

Hrutka: "Alright... this should be something special.'

Hrutka: "Direct fucking hit! Fever?"

Blindlove: "Uh... boss?"

Ironclaw: "... Yes?"

Blindlove: "My shot, um... disappeared."

Ironclaw: "What."

Blindlove: "Into the sky."

Ironclaw: "I'm going to kill you. Slowly."

Axejaw: "... Wait, what?"

Ironclaw: "EVERYTHING IS FINE AND REINFORCEMENTS ARE IMMINENT, TANK COMMANDER."

Ironclaw: "Fuck me! They seem totally fine of fucking up themselves!"

Hardcore: "Oh god... Rouge and the medic are dead!"

Ironclaw: "Then again, things could always be better... open fire, open fire!"

Axejaw: "Oh, fuck this... I've lived in fear too long..."

Axejaw: "Die, you son of a bitch! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"

Baroque: "Oh, fuck..."

Ironclaw: "Aaargh, shit!"

Hrutka: "FUCK EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIING"

Touchdown: "NO! NO!"

McCann: "You damned fool, you're just shooting everywhere! You took down a man, you damned bastard!"

Godlike: "Don't get away! You're fucked, mate! You're fucked!"

Godlike: "AGAIN, THAMES?! YOU PRICK!"

Buzzsaw: "Serif, you know this thing won't fucking die. You need to run back and retrieve the siege."

Axejaw: "Aaargh, it's no use! You have to fall back!"

Ironclaw: "But it's taken like fifty shots! The next will fuck it, I KNOW it!"

Godlike: "No, he's right. That's gambler's fallacy. We need to get out of here until the heavy support shows up."

Axejaw: "I'll hold this position. Trust in me, for once."

Windmill: "Shit, it still has a bead on us! Avoid that area!"

Ironclaw: "Thrush... fuck, after June died, you and me were the last ones... and now it's just..."

Windmill: "Fuck, and Tanith too?! There's no fucking way out of there!""

Ironclaw: "OH, GOD!"

Windmill: "HAVE THIS, YOU BASTARD! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"

Touchdown: "There's the Avenger! God, please let the blasters be intact..."

Axejaw: "GOD DAMN! Fuck, that thing hits like a truck! But we're all good here! Run!"

Blum: (roughly) "No."

Windmill: "Jesus... they can die."

Blum: (roughly) "Is this guy the Commander?"

Ironclaw: "Lads... I know the mission was to capture..."

Godlike: "But we can't take the risk."

Ironclaw: "Risk? It'd be suicide!"

Ironclaw: "Are you having a laugh? ... Well, alright. Take him out, Blum."

Ironclaw: "...!"

Ironclaw: "... ... !!!"

Ironclaw: "Kill the last of the fuckers, men. We can finally go home."

Touchdown: "Gladly."

Casualties: Raven Goldenrod, Sugar Salt, Myth Dungeon, Sergeant Grunt Rockjaw, Night Godswatch, Chuck Goldrims, Thrush Sweetriff, Zeus Slampage, Bashful Hardcore, Maudlin Rouge, Sweet Baroque, Tanith Buzzsaw, Bishop Archer, Fever Blindlove, Szilard Hrutka

[Parrhesia]

READ THE UPDATE FIRST

Now we have the final step on the road to the endgame. So the question remains; what units will we choose for it? You don't have to be specific.

Also there's no guarantee I'm going to listen. But democracy never hurts, and overwhelming voices a certain way will definitely influence me (does everyone love Efficient Yggdrasil for some reason? There's 26 spots on that avenger! I can take the prick!). Currently I'll take every eagle and our best guys, favouring experienced guys. Won't take either tank. But that's just, you know, the default.

Also worthy of note, it's looking by this stage like it will be the debut of psionics. So that'll be exciting.

[euklyd]

I would like to cast a vote favoring wanton destruction.

The more of it the better.

Preferably directed at the alien scum, but that's not a requirement.

[eclipse]

They keep murdering my guys, I call for VENGEANCE.

[Parrhesia]

GEOSCAPE

Yeah whatever nerds, not important now.

Owen Glendower is the last guy to join, also the best, I liked his signup so much he's an Eagle now, fuck the haters.

Fuck you, Canada!

Snakemen!

War crime boats!

Alright, final preparations are being made and there's no room left for foreplay.

...

Or.

Apparently.

There is.

I just found it by chance chasing a fucking abductor! It even fucking got away!

Alright, then. One last go. But no messing about with captures.

I'm gonna make this one a bit special.

While we're waiting for that... what's this, then?

NO, HERE, YOU PRICK!

it fuckin

didn't find me.

useless twat.

But we splash a terror ship headed for Siberia, and as Balanced and Thorough are currently winning...

Oh, and en route?

We interrogate the Commander. But there's nothing to show for it.

Yet.

BATTLESCAPE

O'Donnell: "Chryssalid down. God, this is gonna be fun..."

Rockhenge: "Wait."

Rockhenge: "What?"

Parrhesia: ... you need to have undergone at least a point of psionic training through the lab before you can use psychics, don't you.

Harudoku: yep

Parrhesia: fuck me.

Parrhesia: so yeah this snakeman terror ship at night's gonna be fun

Harudoku: oh god

Harudoku: fuck that

Gulliver: "Well, if these fucking... psy... things don't work, my pistol's gonna have to do the talki-"

Gulliver had 73 time units which is seven short of maximum and perfect for a psion. He had 100 psi-strength. I think this was his 22nd mission. He took one shot and he fucking died instantly.

Banner: "I took him down, but... ugh, Sharpy Gulliver, that one's gonna stick with me."

Tomahawk: "Oi, you want a fuckin' go, cunt?"

Crowley: "Keep him there! He'll make a nice buffer for you..."

Crowley: "... Well, at least you know the way ahead's clear?"

Tomahawk: "I'm just gonna fire and keep moving."

Crowley: "You do that."

Tungsten: "Oh, no... cover me, cover me, cover me!"

Tomahawk: "Sorry, mate, you're on your own..."

Tungsten: "NO!"

Rand: "Fuck me! That is way too close!"

Arsenal: "Empty your clips into the bastard!"

Cheapgrog: "Hey, one of those trees isn't quite like the others..."

Shen: "Keep firing, then! If he's half as shit as we are, we're safe here!"

Haywire: "I've dropped the 'lid, now get the breach!"

Donoghue: "Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh, God! What the fuck?!"

Donoghue: "It... it was the scout, but... there was already... inside it..."

JimJam: "Well, that'd explain why the blaster didn't get any hits. The job was already done by the Firestorm!"

Cheapgrog: "Well... fuck. There goes the Eagle."

Rockhenge: "It was a stun launcher, idiot! She'll be fine."

Sleet: "The fuck did you come from?! ... And how did you miss my back to shoot the wall four fucking times!?"

There was a hole in the next floor up, apparently! But a guy upstairs, put down by Hart, was the last on the map.

Casualties: Crowe Tungsten, Colonel Sharpy Gulliver, Pike Landsknecht

[Person123]

Parrhesia: ... you need to have undergone at least a point of psionic training through the lab before you can use psychics, don't you.

That's...unfortunate. At least you learn of this now instead of figuring it out in the middle of endgame.

[Parrhesia]

That's...unfortunate. At least you learn of this now instead of figuring it out in the middle of endgame.

That would've been really funny but tbh a month in-game will probably have passed by the time of the finale, anyway.

[TheMoniker]

Canada left too? At this rate the aliens will have all of North America! That is, if they don't already.

Is it possible for every single nation to make a "secret pact" with the aliens, and then you're just fighting for nothing?