Let's Play OpenXCOM - Terror from the Deep

[Parrhesia]

"Let me tell you, kid, I fuckin' hate surprises.

"I hate when my mornin' coffee's cold. I hate when the connecting bus runs late. I hate when the elevator music is like, that new rock shit.

"And you know what surprises I hate more than anythin' else?"


"Alien surprises."


Ironsights: "Man. Can't fuckin' believe we got hauled out of Malta for a sighting. Once every couple months these days, I swear..."
Bayonet: "Bet it's another giant squid."
Deadlift: "Heh! Fuckin' nerds."
Bayonet: "Let me tell you, you know what I reckon?"
Lacklustre: "Oh, here we go..."
Bayonet: "Aliens? Nothin' but a government conspiracy. You ever seen an alien before?"
Lightning: "Mate, there's video footage and ... and, like, trophies and shit. And there's still craters in most major population centres."
Bayonet: "A hoax, mate. Trust me."


Stonesthrow: "You guys hear anything?"
Bayonet: "No."
Lightning: "Nah."
Stonesthrow: "Weird, I swear I-"


Stonewall: "Ohhh. Fuck."
Ferrari: "Wait, she's fuckin' dead?"
Bayonet: "It's a hoax! She's just... sleeping."
Ferrari: "Sending out a flare!"


Stonewall: "RIGHT. OKAY, YOU CUNT. THIS IS WHAT WE ALL TRAINED FOR."


Jaws: "Nailed him. Love the explosive... ness. Of these things."
Stonewall: "Well, fucking congratulations! I've got a fucking harpoon gun!"
Bayonet: "Haha, yeah, nice work shooting at thin air or manta rays or some shit, nerds."
Stonewall: "I swear I'll kill you."


Ironstride: "Then what's this, then, eh? A fuckin' sculpture?!"
Bayonet: "Yep!"
Ironstride: "Fine! Then you can walk into it!"


Jaws: "Oh, God, they're flanking us, they're flanking us! Uh, man down! Two down! I'm... I'm... uh, returning fire!"


Jaws: "Nailed him. Christ, uh. Fuck."
Ferrari: "I'm keeping up the flares! Ten left!"


Seawalker: "One fired at me!"
Lacklustre: "I got him, I got him!"
Bigladuptop: "We're gonna get picked off here..."
Bayonet: "Guys, is this some kind of hazing ritual? Knock it off."


Jaws: "Think this one took a shot at me, but their aim's shit."


Jaws: "So's... mine..."
Lacklustre: "I'll cover you. This is what we trained for!"


Bigladuptop: "HERE'SONEHERE'SONEHERE'SONEHERE'SONE theseUS fUCKINg CoVer ME"
Bayonet: "Heh, yeah, fine, I'll empty my clip into the darkness for you. Nerd."
Bigladuptop: "I HATE YOU-"


Bayonet: "... Carmine?"


Bayonet: "Oh my God."
Seawalker: "WELCOME TO OUR WORLD, FUCKWIT."
Bayonet: "He killed my friend! My one friend! I'll... I'll kill YOU!"


Jaws: "I can't get an angle on this bloody thing!"
Ferrari: "This... is not the flare gun's strength."


Bayonet: "Get back here! You cannot evade justice- aaargh, you stole my kill!"
Seawalker: "He ain't evadin' shit with three harpoons in his head, eh?"


Seawalker: "Except... I guess they can deal with being on fire okay?"
Jaws: "That's the one that got Lacklustre!"


Jaws: "And now it's a crater. Bastard."


Ironsights: "The hell..."


Ironstride: "I'm hit! I'm... I'm..."


Blum: *hoarsely* "I'M IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION!"


Ironsights: "The shot came from here... he's around one of the corners! Firing! ... No screams. Nevermind."


Manhands: "Alright, my gilly friend... this time you don't run!"


Manhands: "Dead-on."


Casualties: Carmine Bigladuptop, Rhea Deadlift, Strand Lacklustre, Jade Stonesthrow, Gunnar Stonewall, Mach Ironstride

"It was under these circumstances I returned to my ancestral duties as XCOM Commander. Yes, even in my day we'd kept a naval battalion - where else did you keep those too weak or cowardly even for the land squads? Besides, the whole operation cost roughly the same as three plasma cannon."


"Moored off the coast of Malta, Port Kanye had remained its headquarters even as the very dynamics of the political world shifted. Funding was low, and the general air was one of neglect, not the overstaffed, well-meaning chaos that had personified the first war 50 years earlier."



"The equipment was... not fit for purpose. The aliens had successfully reinvented the wheel as far as plasma technology went, with some kind of... sonic... blaster... abomination. Our soldiers, on the other hand, had somehow found weapons even less effective than the scrap Soviet rifles of 50 years ago."


"Work has begun on resolving the situation. Slowly."


"We have fourteen able soldiers. Six died on a routine scouting mission, which does not inspire faith in their chances of survival. More troops is the first priority."


"And worse news, of course, was to come."

[spoiler=OOC and Signups]
It's back, babies. The critically-acclaimed XCOM LP as made by me is approaching the notoriously far-too-difficult sequel. The first LP saw enough casualties to fill a 10-minute memorial video.

Watch the first LP, by the way. This won't introduce the most basic of concepts, and it's... it's basically the same game, really. More expansion than sequel.

Either way, if you want to sign up as a soldier to appear in the LP? Feel free. Not just one, either - but refrain from just spamming the thread. Don't make them your old characters - though descendants are fine. Use the following format;

Name (Forename and surname, preferably. Usernames make adequate fore- or surnames and really there's no convention to stick to. Names will take the format of 'Class Name', such as 'Heavy Belfast Steelcraw'. There's a character limit. It's probably gonna be 20 characters in all counting class and spaces, but idk for sure.)
Sex ('don't care' is acceptable. I might fuck up and get this wrong since the default names draw from a wide variety of cultures, and the name is the only way to tell sex apart until they fight, but it doesn't really matter anyway.)
Class ('Don't care' is acceptable. See below.)
Other (If you just want to throw background or whatever onto this, then go ahead. Can also include any specific favoured weapons or equipment or behaviour in combat or, really, whatever.)

THE CLASS SYSTEM

Chosen on the basis of statistics and chiefly defining their equipment.

SCOUT Chosen for being generally terrible at combat. If speed is their only asset, they will be a scout. If they have no assets, they will be a scout. Skilled at drawing overwatch fire and conducting breaches. Will take rifles, and when the rifles run out, pistols, flare guns, fists, teeth and boxing gloves.

SHOCK Chosen for being hard-arse cunts who will probably suffer staggering casualties. Shock troops are the ones who keep firing into the thick of it once all the scouts are dead, and preferably keep brave in an emergency. Will take harpoons at first, rifles later.
HEAVY Heavy infantry carry the big guns. They are chosen for being gigantic and swole and alpha. Gas cannon early on, but weapon variety will come later.
MEDIC Someone has to be brave in a crisis. Bad soldiers who are strong and brave make ideal medics with pistols. In line for an upgrade somewhere down the line... it will be fun.

LANCER Good things await the medics... someday.
SNIPER The only class name to not fit into five characters, because the English language lacks synonyms for 'sniper'. Chosen for their crack shots and decidedly not for their movement, snipers excel at sitting back outside the line of fire taking their shots from as far back as possible. Typical early weapon will be the gas cannon, later on will start using rifles.

SIEGE Who picks the really heavy shit and blows stuff up? These guys. The heaviest of weapons. Torpedos at first, and then things get fun.

FLARE Stands on a roof and fires flares around the ocean. Not glamorous work. Low turnover rate expected. Flare guys are too situational to actually be useful most of the time.

Edited August 20, 2015 by Parrhesia

[Blasied]

OH YES! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

Let's throw two people in to start you off.

Name: Lauren Bell

Sex: Female

Class: Shock

Notes: Ryan Bell's older sister. Shoots first, asks questions later.

Name: Ryan Bell

Sex: Male

Class: Medic

Notes: Lauren Bell's younger brother. Patches shit up so that questions actually can be asked.

[eclipse]

OH HELL YES, IT'S BACK! We killed the fighting game characters first time, so who's next?

Name: Lloyd Irving

Sex: Male

Class: Shock

Other: His mom remarried when he was young, so his last named changed from a rather boring "Sanderson" to "Irving". This caused him quite a bit of grief in school. Joined up to spite his mom (who really wanted him to be a schoolteacher. . .yeah, right).

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]
lmao this is meant to be australia, in which hobart is a capital and tasmania is an entire city, welcome to tftd

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Lightning: "What a destitute shithole Shanghai is."


West: "What... is that..."
Manhands: "A target! Get to it!"


Ironsights: "Well, that only took too many of us."
A return to traditional XCOM accuracy after a frighteningly competent opening mission.


Manhands: "AAARGH!"
Catharsis: "Huh?"


Gaslamp: "Two more down! We're being suppressed!"


Gaslamp: "What's this ugly fucker?"
She takes a shot. Despite hitting the outside of the plane, THE OUTSIDE OF THE PLANE, WITH DOOR SHUT, IT KILLS THE PEOPLE INSIDE.
Surely that's a bug.
This IS a beta.


Anyway, after that demonstration of A) why not to advance outside the UFO on the first turn which I myself had forgotten and also B) bullshit, in a parallel universe...
Kardashian: "Good thing we're covered from any hypothetical attack that can shoot over the plane from the other side, eh, lads?"
There is much screaming and slaughtering of civilians.


Blum: *hoarsely* "Use the barrels to take out the ... white... things!"
Jaws: "Fuck, you guys'll have to, your harpoon rifles are bad enough..."


Chaingun: "Actually the harpoons are totally fine and what all the cool kids use."


Chaingun: "Fuck, man down! The... the white things, like... spit? Or something? Hurl grenades at him, I'll fire!"
Bayonet: "Understood!"


Chaingun: "Oh, hell..."


Blum: *roughly* "Lay down fir-"
West: "Understood! ... Oh, hell..."
Jaws: "YOU KILLED HIM AND THEN EXPLODED HIS BODY."
West: "WELL, HE WANTED CREMATION, DIDN'T HE?"


Jaws: "That's how it's done."


Ironsights: "These aliens are keeping scarce. Obviously scared of a real fight."
Deserteagle: "I can't wait to bully them like I did to all the nerds back in school."
Ironsights: "Heh. Did you make fun of them for watching Japanese cartoons instead of sport?"
Deserteagle: "Oh, you bet."


Manhands: "Don't forget to clear the flanks... that could've been a disaster."
West: "Sorry, sir, but clearing urban blocks wasn't in our training for fighting in the ocean."
Manhands: "Weren't you military before being sent here?"
West: "I worked security at fucking Disneyland."


Manhands: "Sil? Was that- awh, christ! Comb the streets!"
West: "That green shit? I think it's like... indirect fire?"


Gaslamp: "Wow I've found it, but, man... my legs just... don't wanna move..."


Manhands: "I've got one! Get the other next turn! Even if... something happens to me..."


Catharsis: "We're pushing them back into the factory! Casualties have been minimal!"


Gaslamp: "Surprise, bitches!"


Manhands: "How did they pick off Xerxes?"
West: "My shot failed. There's none others, right?"
Manhands: "But someone took a shot at me just now!"
West: "... Awh, hell..."


Manhands: "They've started fighting back!"
Deserteagle: "Started?!"
Manhands: "I think they got West..."
Gaslamp: "I've got a flank if I can get through this-"


Gaslamp: "- door!! ... Huh."


Catharsis: "He escaped out the back!"


Manhands: "There you are..."


Manhands: "I missed the shot!"
Deserteagle: "So did- awh, FUCK!"


Ferrari: "God... damn it..."


Ferrari: "This is the worst firefight I've ever been in. My wall exploded. This sucks."


Catharsis: "No fear! We've got 'em outflanked!"
Ferrari: "Good, 'cause we're pinned as shit down here!"
Catharsis: "... Actually, we're like all out of ammunition, and these harpoon rifles are terrible."
Kardashian: "Damn it."


Kardashian: "Way's clear. Right? God, please let it be clear."


Ferrari: "I dropped the one snooping around the building. Where's the spitter?"
Kardashian: "I see it!"


Ferrari: "SERIOUSLY? YOU FIRE INTO THE FENCE AT POINT-BLANK?! YOU IDIOT!"


Catharsis: "That was Ferrari... God, it's just us four? Open fire, you lot! I'll... just... uh..."


Catharsis: "Fuck it, I'll grab her gun."


Catharsis: "This is a fucking bloodbath."


Bayonet: "Shot across my bows! It's... I'm... out of gun."


Catharsis: "Oh, Jesus! About-face!"
Bayonet: "Smoke out, but I've got no tricks left now!"


Catharsis: "I SHOT YOU IN THE HEAD AND YOU'RE STILL UP! IT ISN'T FAIR! IT! ISN'T! FAIR!"
Bayonet: "So take another shot!"
Catharsis: "He... missed? Three misses? Have THIS then, you FUCK!"


Casualties: Ensign Sky Ferrari, Karla Kardashian, Sasha Deserteagle, Ensign Gregor Manhands, Xerxes Ironsights, Able Seaman Silhouette Jaws, Troth Gaslamp, South West, Able Seaman Steven Jay Blum, Disc Lightning

[TheMoniker]

Awesome! I liked the previous LP, and it looks like this one is going just as well as the last one!

Name: Billy Jam

Sex: Male

Class: Lancer

Other: Everyone hates him, because he keeps making overused Monty Python, Star Wars, and FNAF references.

[Parrhesia]

Awesome! I liked the previous LP, and it looks like this one is going just as well as the last one!

You're right! We are still winning!

Also the distinction between medics/lancers will take some stage to kick in. Specifically the invention of lances. Given that I'm mostly blind, I have no idea when this actually occurs.

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

Hey, I'm all for another round of XCOM!

Name: Geoffrey Howe

Sex: Male

Class: Flare

Bio: A colleague of Norman Tebbit and former Conservative MP who famously resigned from his post of Deputy Prime Minister in 1990. A man who also speaks at nothing louder than a mumble, droning on about unemployment figures and interest rates and taxation until fellow soldiers find themselves nodding off.

[Balcerzak]

Either way, if you want to sign up as a soldier to appear in the LP? Feel free. Not just one, either - but refrain from just spamming the thread. Don't make them your old characters - though descendants are fine. Use the following format;

Name (Forename and surname, preferably. Usernames make adequate fore- or surnames and really there's no convention to stick to. Names will take the format of 'Class Name', such as 'Heavy Belfast Steelcraw'. There's a character limit. It's probably gonna be 20 characters in all counting class and spaces, but idk for sure.)

Sex ('don't care' is acceptable. I might fuck up and get this wrong since the default names draw from a wide variety of cultures, and the name is the only way to tell sex apart until they fight, but it doesn't really matter anyway.)

Class ('Don't care' is acceptable. See below.)

Other (If you just want to throw background or whatever onto this, then go ahead. Can also include any specific favoured weapons or equipment or behaviour in combat or, really, whatever.)

THE CLASS SYSTEM

Chosen on the basis of statistics and chiefly defining their equipment.

SCOUT Chosen for being generally terrible at combat. If speed is their only asset, they will be a scout. If they have no assets, they will be a scout. Skilled at drawing overwatch fire and conducting breaches. Will take rifles, and when the rifles run out, pistols, flare guns, fists, teeth and boxing gloves.

SHOCK Chosen for being hard-arse cunts who will probably suffer staggering casualties. Shock troops are the ones who keep firing into the thick of it once all the scouts are dead, and preferably keep brave in an emergency. Will take harpoons at first, rifles later.

HEAVY Heavy infantry carry the big guns. They are chosen for being gigantic and swole and alpha. Gas cannon early on, but weapon variety will come later.

LANCER Someone has to be brave in a crisis. Bad soldiers who are strong and brave make ideal medics with pistols. In line for an upgrade somewhere down the line... it will be fun. And then you'll understand the name.

SNIPER The only class name to not fit into five characters, because the English language lacks synonyms for 'sniper'. Chosen for their crack shots and decidedly not for their movement, snipers excel at sitting back outside the line of fire taking their shots from as far back as possible. Typical early weapon will be the gas cannon, later on will start using rifles.

SIEGE Who picks the really heavy shit and blows stuff up? These guys. The heaviest of weapons. Torpedos at first, and then things get fun.

FLARE Stands on a roof and fires flares around the ocean. Not glamorous work. Low turnover rate expected.

Name Pierre Aronnax

Sex Male

Class Marine Biologist (aka SCOUT or FLARE)

Other Signed up on an expedition to hunt a sea monster. Was surprised when it was not exactly what he had expected. Troops along regardless.

Name Jacques Cousteau

Sex Male

Class Lancer

Other Once a member of the navy's elite diving squad, he left it to pursue peacetime research. Now that he is needed once again, he returns to glory.

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]
"A quiet month has been spent chiefly in research. The discovery of Hartwodoku Sanada, descendant of an XCOM soldier from the land forces, has proven a major asset in the cause. It seems as though she has been squatting in the ruins of the Cydonian fortress on Mars, cleared out fifty years past.

Well, it certainly explains the hijacking of the Apollo 21 project from eight years back.

Either way, Senior Intelligence Consultant Sanada has agreed to scavenge the ruins to see if she can scrounge anything up on any naval destruction Plan B. In the interim, other advances should make for easier going in the coming months.


"Gauss rifles. They aren't exactly the laser rifles of years gone by, but they will prove a solid mainstay for our advance forces. Between the rifles and cannon, we have the beginnings of a versatile arsenal on our hands.


"The council was satisfied. As opposed to, say, 'willing to increase our funding'.


"Moving on from the gauss rifles, I went for the tactic of nodding and smiling as the nerds from the labs ran me through their next research options and opting for the coolest-sounding one. Regrettably, they have repaid my faith in the original motion sensors from XCOM's ground forces but with one of those waterproof covers, like watches have.


"At least this should prove somewhat less of a waste of time.


"Another port attack. This time, we'd pin the bastards down and do a professional job on them. This time."

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Irving: "Whoa! Looks like another hot entry... because I'm here, baby!"


Baptist: "Hell yeah! Maiden kill, baby! ... Damn, though, these things burn through ammo fast."
L. Bell: "If they burn through xenos scum fast, that's all I care about."


after the entire fucking squad misses all their shots
L. Bell: "Well... well, fuck! Fuck!"


Baptist: "Bell's down! Blindsided by a white thing!"
Bell: "Wait, but I'm... oh, God, no..."


Seawalker: "Smoke's out!"
Cena: "Bit late for that."


Flex: "Heh. Don't use the BARRELS for cover, NERD!"


Merenghi: "Well, it looks like THIS one's FLAME is yet to be PUT OUT."
Cena: "Yeah, you just let me take care of that one."


Baptist: "Expert shooting from me, Crown Baptist! Man, we should stay in this smoke. It's a position of strength."


Manhewer: "Then again, there's more down here..."
Chaingun: "Well, we'll flank 'em, then! That's tactics!"


Bayonet: "Secure!"
Chaingun: "I tell you what, I'm lovin' these fuckin' gas carbines!"
Spatter: "Gauss."
Chaingun: "Hell yeah! That's what I said, man!"
Spatter: "... Nevermind."


Chaingun: "Theseus is down! Hoist righteously by his own petard!"


Catharsis: "Looks like the main area unaccounted for is that northeast building. Let's check it out, but keep on your toes at the same time."


Baptist: "Ooh, ooh, got one!"
Catharsis: "Found one or got one? That's an important distinction."
Baptist: "Ugh... found one, mum."
Catharsis: "Thank you."


Baptist: "Now I've got one."
Catharsis: "Same one?"
Baptist: "Y- shut up! Yes! Same one!"
that was an aimed shot, haru, be proud of me


Bell: "Would it kill any of you to leave some of these beasts alive for interrogation?"
Baptist: "No.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. but it might kill your sister."
Shiraz: "Heh."
Bell: "Fuck you. Okay? Fuck. You."


Catharsis: "Alright, the last of 'em's gonna have to come out sometime."
Shiraz: "Anyone heard from Garth?"
Merenghi: "Thus falls... Garth Merenghi... soldier, sniper, cannonneer, plus actor..."
Shiraz: "Ahh, hell. Let's breach the building!"


Irving: "I took out his door!"
Chaingun: "I pegged him once!"
Catharsis: "Alright, guns blazing! AAaargh- what was that clicking?"
Baptist: "Hrrrrgh- awh, me too?! These things have, like, no ammo!"
Shiraz: "Leave it to the cannon, then!"
a kneeled aimed shot killed him, haru i hope you're like megaproud of me


Catharsis: "You know? That went relatively okay."
Bell: "You're a callous little shit, you know that?"


Catharsis: "Must be why they gave me a medal for it."
Bell: "Fuck you."
Casualties: Lauren Bell, Ensign Theseus Bayonet, Garth Merenghi

[Daichi]

Well, it's time for a new family to send to the graveyard!

Name: Christopher Acardi

Sex: Male

Class: Medic

Other: He was a med student before joining x-com. He's super panicky and the youngest Acardi sibling.

Name: Michael Acardi

Sex: Male

Class: Shock

Other: He joined x-com when his favorite bands tour was cancelled because of the aliens. Oldest and stupidest of the Acardi siblings.

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]

"Analysis has been completed on the aquatoid creatures. Much like anyone with eyes could inform you, they are a modified sectoid. Much like our soldiers, they are weak, sickly things fit only to be grist in the mill of war."

"So far, we have... well, pleased the council, even if something doesn't entirely seem right."

"Well, either way, we are taking steps to improve our coverage of the seas. It may take some time for Port Yi Sun-sin to become fully operational - the inspiration for the name should be obvious - but not only will it give us the opportunity to cover more of the ocean but also to act as a backup in the event of Port Kanye's destruction."

"Perfect."

"The ... 'gill man' appears to be, well, of Earth. The report speaks for itself. Intelligence Officer Sanada was unable to contribute further, commenting only that it was some 'fucked-up shit'. Still, at least the soldiers have enjoyed this revelation, and the more colloquial term 'Nessie' has come quickly into circulation."

"This, however... is... is just terrifying, in all honesty."

"Yes, scientists. Stick to materials. Please."

"Sadly for developments outside of land, the simple fact is that we cannot engage alien ships. They will continue to strike first. Again, and again, and again. It isn't good enough. But all we can do for now is retaliate.

We are making progress."

"And we will triumph."

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Catharsis: "What the hell- two down?! Where did these fucks come from?"

Spatter: "Die, you fucks, di- ohh."

Chaingun: "You fragged a fucking civilian! You ... you... fuck you!"

Shiraz: "I've cleared one of them!"

Catharsis: "Clear on this front."

Bell: "I'm working on getting more smoke up. The, uh. Other medic, had the spare."

Chaingun: "Aargh, man down! Fuck this, I'm goin' after 'em!"

Bell: "No! Wait! The smoke's not-"

Chaingun: "Fuck the smoke! They know where we are already, so let's go kill 'em!"

Cena: "I'm gonna get- awh, missed!"

Four explosions and an alien scream.

Cena: "... I... think?"

Flex: "That's the creep down. Be on your guard."

Cena: "Doesn't even look like one of 'em has a gun..."

Manhewer: "Men down! But... there's... no blood. Jus' feel funny..."

Catharsis: "Get on 'em, medic."

Bell: "On it."

Bell: "Just a bit of stim, and..."

Cena: "Whoa, what... happened... ?"

Bell: "Easy, soldier. Not out of this yet. And I'm standing on your guns."

Chaingun: "Conniving little shits! Kill 'em all!"

Chaingun: "Or, uhh."

Baptist: "Here comes another one of those bombs!"

Bell: "Different bomb! Different bomb!"

Blake: "This place is still pretty fucked up after... whatever happened before."

Chaingun: "Alright, son, I've killed your mate and now you're in my sights... oh, fuck."

Catharsis: "I'll come 'round to flank-"

Bell: "Ahh, hell..."

Manhewer: "Wren? Was that you?"

Flex: "I've got us all covered."

Bell: "I am literally running out of stims on this guy. Irving, right? Aaaand... yeah, that was all I got in the tank."

Cena: "Got eyes on 'em!"

Manhewer: "Plural?!"

Cena: "Yeah, this one and a sniper out the back! Careful!"

Frost: "I've got a great flank coming up! You just keep 'em pinned! You backin' me up, Maudlin?"

Frost: "... Maudlin... ?"

Manhewer: "I got an angle on-"

Manhewer: "Oh, fuck, Ryan! Sorry, holy shit, I..."

Flex: "Too late for apologies, Athena..."

Manhewer: "You're right, you're... fuck..."

Flex: "Oh, so there's two of you, huh?"

Flex: "Ohhh, that felt good."

Frost: "Oh, so you killed Maudlin Blake, huh? Well, I'll kill-"

Frost: "-ohhhh."

Flex: "A white thing? Join your mates in hell."

Cena: "Frost? Where are you?"

Frost: "Here, here, here!"

Cena: "I'll save you!"

Flex: "That was... grim."

Shiraz: "We won though... right?"

Flex: "Another victory like that, and we're done for."

Casualties: Lieutenant Blaze Catharsis, Engisn Wren Chaingun, Able Seaman Blood Spatter, Able Seaman Crown Baptist, Able Seaman Moses Seawalker, Rock Greyjaw, Ryan Bell

Edited August 12, 2015 by Parrhesia

[Integrity]

Medic Adam West

Flare Man Integrity Gordon

Various chaff:

Cyrus the Great

Cyrus the Lesser

Ordinary Cyrus

Dave IV (his last name is pronounced "iv" for the record) (he is dutch, you see)

Real Politik

Jeff Stanislaw

Edited August 12, 2015 by Integrity

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]

"Moving onwards from the... pyrrhic victory at Vladivostok, a more pure victory can be taken from Port Yi Sun-sin's readiness for war. No transport yet, but the attack submarine Monster has been transferred there, while Amazing remains moored in Maltese waters."

"Three months into the war, and finally... finally, we corner an alien submarine in the seas. Amazing seems en route to a glorious victory, and then...

"It runs away."

"Before... landing? No matter. We send out Good Morning to investigate."

"This time, we will be ready."

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Bliss: "More of those sectoid knockoffs."

Irving: "Huh. The vapour trails are nice. Let's fight underwater more-"

Bliss: "No, let's not."

Flex: "So what'd we bring the nerd for?"

Aronnax: "Well! I'm glad you asked that. I'm here to attempt to see if I can attempt to explain some of the aquadynamic science behind both the aliens and their ships- and, of course, to seek whatever information I can on larger, more natural sea creatures, such as the ones I was-"

Flex: "So you're breach duty. Got it."

Flex: "Hm. Weird little fuckers, aren't they."

Howe: "My God- !"

Howe: "... It... just... walked away."

Aronnax: "Aha! Peaceful behaviour, clearly! We must endeavour to take this creature alive and interrogate i-"

Irving: "No."

Aronnax: "B- but..."

Irving: "Proceed with the door breach, Howe!"

Howe: "Right!"

Shiraz: "You know, I dunno what went on in there, but it sounded like it went great!"

Bliss: "Did... they just friendly fire themselves? You stupid fucks!"

Bliss: "Clear."

Irving: "Howe... ?"

Bliss: "Didn't make it. Starting to think these phosphor rounds are, uh, situational at best."

Bliss: "Guess it's breach time, motherfuckers!"

Aronnax: "I'll, uh, 'cover you', as they say in the business!"

Bliss: "Fuck yeah! You've got this thing well in hand, nerd!"

Aronnax: "Thank you! I, uh, think."

Shiraz: "Uh... guys?"

Irving: "Yeah?"

Shiraz: "Think our reliance on explosive, area-of-effect guns might be about to, uh, backfire!"

Irving: "It's under control. Riflemen should take the fore."

Frost: "Guess this is the ... drivey bit?"

Shiraz: "I got one, I got one!"

Shiraz: "Uhh..."

Quarterback: "What?"

Shiraz: "Stairs! Stairs!"

Quarterback: "That wasn't too tough. Just turn a corner and-"

Quarterback: "- ohhh..."

Irving: "I'm coming, I'm coming! Covering you!"

Irving: "This ... keeps seeming to happen."

Manhewer: "Hey, guys! I found a magic thing! All glowy and shit!"

Cena: "Shit, what got Rook?"

Irving: "Oh, it was horrible, I was, uh... too late."

Cena: "Why's ... why has everything exploded."

Irving: "Well..."

Cena: "Did you do a trigger indiscipline, Irving."

Irving: "Maybe."

Manhewer: "Haha! The magic shit's an elevator!"

Cena: "I think we've cleared the place. Last fucker must be outside. Let's lie in wait for him in the corridor and beat him up like cool alphas."

An eternity later...

Gungod: "So we were all lined up..."

Shiraz: "Right."

Gungod: "At attention, guns at the ready..."

Shiraz: "Right."

Gungod: "Sights trained on the door, the one possible entrance for the enemy to appear..."

Shiraz: "Sounds right so far."

Gungod: "And he blithely walks in unopposed and kills Frost."

Shiraz: "Right. Let's, um. Let's light this fucker up."

Gungod: "That sounds like a waste."

Casualties: Ensign Artifact Frost, Geoffrey Howe, Rook Quarterback

Edited August 13, 2015 by Parrhesia

[blah the Prussian]

Name: Blah Toowan Graf von Tooseven

Sex: male

Class: shock

Other: an arrogant German nobleman of Prussian Junker lineage, Blah joined Xcom to continue the military tradition of his family. Probably the first to be used as a human shield in a crisis.

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

Well there goes Geoffrey. Time for a new character then:

Name: Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne

Sex: Male

Class: Heavy

Bio: A former English international football player and manager. "Gazza" was known for two things: his extraordinary ability as a midfielder and his breaking down in tears after a penalty in a World Cup semifinal game. He lets his emotions run wild on the battlefield.

[TheMoniker]

Name: Jack *no last name given*

Sex: Male

Class: Scout

Bio: Joined the anti-alien force due to a religious hatred of aliens. Doesn't care if he dies, as long as he takes as many aliens as possible with him.

[Blasied]

Farewell Lauren and Ryan. We hardly knew ye.

Name: Some Chucklefuck

Sex: Doesn't matter

Class: Bait

Notes: When I ordered you to conscript some chucklefuck as an extra body, I didn't mean specifically track down and abduct Some Chucklefuck.

[Balcerzak]

I have to say I love what you've done with the biologist so far. Even better than I expected. Thanks!

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]
"Despite our acquisition of a concussed aquatoid with two cannon-stock-shaped dents in its malformed skull, our weary soldiers were forced straight into the fight. No chance even to reinforce - we were fortunate that the reserves were on hand to pile into the ship."




"A brief interlude on our most exceptional soldiers, however - Commander Irving has admirably taken control of the situation by the throat in recent weeks, proving an inspiration on the field. Lieutenant Flex is a genuine deadeye and has, in recent weeks, declared the gas cannon to be 'like an extension of the arm', while Cena is a terrifying muscle-beast of barely-human proportions. All fine warriors leading by example on the field."

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Bliss: "Alright lads, we're sort of convened together in a nice little place here. None of us are dead. Let's keep it that way."
Cena: "Yeah, a nice breezy op. Like last time!"
Brightday: "Didn't three people die last-"
Cena: "Hush, lad. You'll understand when you're older."


Bliss: "Saw one of 'em snooping around! More knockoff sectoids!"
Aronnax: "I believe they prefer the term 'Reticulans'-"
Pearce: "The fuck can you see anything past this shitcloud?"
Bliss: "Well, what's important is they can't see us."


Shiraz: "i've got- uh, I've tried."


Pearce: "Here's another. That's how it's done."


Bliss: "Alright, lads. Simple plan. Cannonneers stay outside, cover our backs. We bring the carbines inside, and our reward is not exploding. Besides that? Kill everyone."


Bliss: "Starting with you."


Bliss: "And you, too!"


Irving: "Nicely efficient, gents."
Shiraz: "Yeah, let's just keep it going, alright?"


Gungod: "You next!"


Bliss: "And y- ... you... y... HOW DID I MISS?!"


Shiraz: "Don't worry, the actual marksmen have you covered, darling."


Aronnax: "I hope nobody's in the- MY WORD."


Aronnax: "PULL TRIGGER, MAKE THEM BLEED, DESTROY. DESTROY. DESTROY. BURN! BURN! BURN!"
Aronnax: "..."
Aronnax: "..."
Aronnax: "..."
Aronnax: "Ahem."


Irving: "What happened in there?"
Aronnax: "A... base instinct took over."
Irving: "Bro! High-five!"
Aronnax: "..."
Irving: "Don't leave me hanging, bro."
Aronnax: "Ugh. Very well."


Irving: "Took down one in this room!"
Shiraz: "Yeah, me too! They were not prepared for us!"


Rand: "One on the bridge- oh god, rookie, look out!"


Brightday: "Iced him. Cold as... ice. Like I am. Ice."
Shiraz: "Not bad, kid, but- actually, no, belay that, that was terrible."
Rand: "Shit, I think bridge guy saw-"


Shiraz: "That sounded bad."
Pearce: "Rand, come in! Rand?"


Irving: "Rand is probably down! I'm... okay! Now do find the bridge guy that got talked about!"
Pearce: "On it! Thank fuck he didn't chuck that grenade down at us..."



Casualty: Exposure Rand

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=GEOSCAPE]

"The council was pleased with our work - very clerkly done, very efficient. Our ideal."

"The nerds in the research lab have invented a weapon for us. It is worthless."

"We shall certainly be, well, taking none of them with us on the ship. There have been reports of attacks on a shipping route - probably just hearsay, but you have to be thorough. Everything at least deserves investigation. Even if it is squid about half the time."

"Regrettably, this has come before reinforcements. Truce Hemlock has been pressed in to replace Rand, but aside from this we can only pray the effects of fatigue are not setting in. Seaman Backburner's aptitude with the Torpedo Launcher, similarly, will be worthless on land. Headlock shall join the cannonneers. Godspeed."

[spoiler=BATTLESCAPE]

Brightday: "You know what?"

Bliss: "What?"

Brightday: "I GOT SUCH A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS!"

Hemlock: "Guess he was right?"

Pearce: "I- have- hit- this- thing- four- fucking... ahh, there it goes-":

Pearce: "Sweet jesus."

Headlock: "These things! These fucking things, take too many fucking hits, for my fucking liking!"

Acardi: "So. Let me get this straight. Hemlock's dead, and all of you together couldn't kill..."

Acardi: "... this dinky little thing?"

Shiraz: "Ugh, finally!"

Gungod: "I swear, if we run out of ammo..."

Irving: "Ngh. Hate the way they're snooping around the roofs."

Bliss: "Hey, I got an idea. Someone huck a grenade up there."

Acardi: "I'm like the only guy who still bothers to carry grenades around!"

Bliss: "Well... fuck."

Bliss: "Oh, good morrow, citizen."

Bliss: "Say hello... to my gun! Haha!"

Pearce: "What the fuck?!"

Shiraz: "No, no! He had the right idea. Guy was acting weird."

Pearce: "You can't shoot someone for acting weird!"

Shiraz: "Welcome to fucking X-COM!"

Shiraz: "ofuck"

AcardI: "Run! Time to test this theory! F- fuck do I hope I'm right."

Flex: "Hah! Out in one! Gents? The situation has changed."

Flex: "Heh... well, you've picked a place. Don't think we'll need a grenade for this..."

Grey: "Belay that! Aquatoid to your right!"

Felx: "Ahhh, hell!"

Grey: "I'll do the fun part. You take care of yourself."

Grey: "Oh, motherfuck!"

Acardi: "I ... I guess I'll come help, th-"

Flex: "Did he just-"

Grey: "- holding the live grenade-"

Flex: "I'll go pick it up!"

Manhewer: "FUCK THESE THINGS!"

Gungod: "Oh, fuck! Man down! Everything's turning to shit!"

Shiraz: "Another man down, this... this can't be happening... everyone, we need to move out!"

Bliss: "I'm not budging until our leading officer gives the word! We came here to fight, and we're gonna fucking fight, damn it!"

Shiraz: "We fought and we fucking lost!"

Bliss: "Irving! Come in, Irving!"

Bliss: "His comm's not picking up. Come on, come on..."

Grey: "Mate!"

Bliss: "COME THE FUCK IN, IRVING!"

Grey: "He's fucking... he's gone, mate..."

Grey: "Look, I'm in the Triton. We need to cut our losses and get out of here."

Bliss: "Look, there's us, what, four? There's you, Athena-"

Grey: "Athena fucking... she didn't make it, alright? We need you alive!"

Bliss: "But-"

Grey: "Live to fight another day. Come on. It's fuckin' pointless to stick around."

Bliss: "AARRRGH!"

Aronnax: "Sir! Stop firing your gun into the door and occupy yourself with something useful!"

Shiraz: "Yeah, come on! I can't hold out here foreve-"

Bliss: "That was her scream..."

Gungod: "Yeah, yeah, get moving!"

Bliss: "THAT WAS HER! THAT... that was... we're all gonna die here..."

Gungod: "Move away from that door or so help me God I will shoot you here and now."

Aronnax: "It's all kicking off around us... the damn ship's doomed anyway."

Gungod: "MAKE A FUCKING CHOICE, LUTHER."

Bliss: "Yeah... yeah, you're right, we gotta just... get through this. Right."

Bliss: "RUN FOR IT!"

Aronnax: "I think they've spotted-"

Grey: "G- guys? Luther? Pierre? ... Lex?"

Grey: "Anyone out there? Please, God..."

Cena: "Is anyone there? Anyone?"

Grey: "Yes! God, yes, who's this?"

Cena: "Lieutenant Cena! It's... it's chaos in here, swear there's a dead zone for the comms, I'm ... I've not been hit, but it's fucking grim out here. We need to extract."

Grey: "You're right, now just-"

Cena: "Making a break for it! Wish me luck!"

Cena: "Getting closer! It's in sight! I think we're gonna-"

Grey: "Lieutenant? Come in, Lieutenant! Come in!"

Grey: "Oh, God... oh...

...

...

... Command? Do you read me, Command?"

Foxtrot 1: "This is Foxtrot 1. What's the situation on the ground?"

Grey: "I'm..."

Grey: "I'm all that's left..."

[TheMoniker]

Well, things were going too well... actually getting some promoted units? Funding increases? Only 3 deaths on a mission? Yeah, no WAY that was gonna last,

[#!/dev/haru]

Welcome to Terror From The Deep. Please leave any hope of victory at the door.

[MRDRHAWK]

Name: Chet Nash-Lemon

Sex: Male

Class: SIEGE BOYS

Other: HE ISN'T READY, BROTHERJACKDUDE

Edited August 18, 2015 by Polydeuces

[eclipse]

. . .welp, Lloyd died, and had a much better showing in here than in Tales of Symphonia. NEXT!

Name: Yuri Lowell

Sex: Male

Class: Shock

Other notes: Was blessed with an androgynous face, and hair that looked best long. Needless to say, he got a lot of shit about his gender. Joined up to get away from the morons.

[Blasied]

And then the demand for character signups suddenly increased.

Name: Stevedave Hyphen

Sex: Male

Class: Don't care

Notes: His parents were clearly woefully indecisive.

Name: Alison Clavicle

Sex: Female

Class: Medic

Notes: She hopes no one realises that she doesn't actually know anything medical. She just pushes buttons on the medkit. They wanted a doctor and it's too late to tell them her PhD in statistics doesn't count.