1000 Monkeys

[DarknessAwaits]

This is a really popular forum game in Italy which I always "port" to almost any forum I am a member of.

With that being said, let's explain how it works.

Basically, the main goal of this game is to kill all of the 1000 monkeys, starting with the 1000th and going on from there.

Only a maximum of three monkeys can be killed in one post, though. Also, the more extravagant the death the better it is.

So, let's start this off.

The 1000th monkey slipped on the peel of a banana he had just ate. He then got up, attempted to walk and slipped on another banana peel. And he did that for a total of 523 times.

He then got up, walked for some minutes and died of an heart attack caused by eating too many bananas in a day.

[Kao]

Nine hundred Ninety-nine little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor said,

"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!'.

So they stopped.

[Clarinets]

The Nine Hundred Ninety-Eighth monkey climbed a tree. Defying all logic of the food chain, an eagle swooped down and grasped the monkey inside his talons. He flew for a bit and then dropped the monkey from a hundred feet in the air onto a rock and ate the little bits of him.

That eagle was then godkilled for disobeying the food chain, so it was a happy ending. Sort of.

Edited November 27, 2015 by ClarinetsandOboes

[Clarinets]

Really? No one else wants to kill a monkey?

Come on guys, this'll be fun~

[DarknessAwaits]

Monkey 997 just died.

Is a reason really needed?

[Clarinets]

Monkey 996 died from the shock of seeing this thread revived.

[DarknessAwaits]

Monkey 995 died in an effort to keep this topic active.

[Clarinets]

Such a noble cause...

Monkey 994 was just standing on a tree when, all of a sudden, lightning struck the tree. Luckily, Monkey 994 had swung away from that tree on a vine before the lightning strike occurred. Unfortunately, the tree hit by lightning somehow feel onto the tree Monkey 994 had swung to, making death happen to him.

[DarknessAwaits]

Monkey 993 was- wait, what do you mean it's actually butter?

[Rex Glacies]

Monkey 992 had a sudden heart attack and fell off a cliff.

Monkey 991 had been stapled to Monkey 992, and so it fell off with him.

Monkey 990 saw the other two fall off the cliff, and so jumped off as well due to peer pressure.

[Punished Dayni]

Monkey 989 took a short walk down a long pier.

He died from a heart attack, the pier's irrelevant.

[Dragoncat]

Monkey 988 was shot by the zookeepers because some irresponsible parents weren't watching their two year old and the kid fell into his enclosure. Too soon?

Yes I know Harambe was a gorilla, close enough

[Rex Glacies]

Monkey 987 achieved enlightenment, no longer needing his mortal body. It eventually faded into dust as his spirit reached higher planes of existence.

[Punished Dayni]

Monkey 986 managed to find a secret tunnel, which the monkey then got lost in. It then found a civilisation of mole-men and convinced them to make it their leader.

It would die after 40 monkey years ruling the mole-men.

[Corrobin]

Monkey 985 just sort of went *poof* and disappeared.

[Rex Glacies]

Monkey 984 heard a prophecy that he would die when something fell on his head. As such, he went outside and sat in a field. Suddenly, an eagle flew by carrying a turtle, looking for a hard rock to drop the turtle on so the eagle could eat it. The eagle saw the monkey, and dropped the turtle on his head, killing him instantly. The turtle, however, managed to survive, and hid in the grass, and was able to get back to his river without being caught by the eagle again.

[Tuvy]

Monkey 983 became a carpet in pinterest

[Dragoncat]

Monkeys 982, 981, and 980 went camping by the river. 982 slipped and fell into the river and went over a waterfall, 981 died as well trying to save him. This happened while 980 was out gathering firewood. But he never came back because he met a momma bear who thought he was a threat to her cubs so she killed him.

[Punished Dayni]

Monkey 979 accidentally replaced several screws in a structure with bananas. It crushed Monkey 978 and 979 was executed for murder after a protracted trial that looked for some monkey to blame.

[Dragoncat]

Monkeys 977 and 976 died of erotic asphyxiation because they were lovers, not fighters. Even sadder, they conceived one offspring, Monkey 975, in that romantic romp. But 975 was never born of course, never lived.

Edited May 19, 2017 by Dragoncat

[Moblin Major General]

Monkey 974 was tortured by animal testers, set free by ALF (that's the Animal Liberation Front), but was later found run over by a car. He survived, until a hunter killed it to end its suffering.

[Rex Glacies]

Nine-hundred seventy three monkeys in the tree, nine-hundred seventy three monkeys! Take one down, throw it off a cliff, nine-hundred seventy two monkeys in the tree!

[Flee Fleet!]

Nine hundred seventy two monkey were starving, to the point that one of them snapped and ate another monkey. Every other monkey in the room then killed the "cannibal monkey" to avenge their already eaten friend. 2 dead, only Nine hundred seventy left.

 

 

 

This topic is grim. I love it.

Edited May 24, 2017 by Flee Fleet!

[Dragoncat]

Monkey 969 was swinging through the trees above the swamp, fell, and got eaten by a crocodile.

[Punished Dayni]

The actual 969th monkey saw the 970th die, and realising their time had come, tried to make it so that they could never fall off a branch again.

The monkey was found accidentally hung while attempting to make a device to keep it swinging without risking their life. The grappling hook would take many more years to be invented.