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NekoKnight
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I'm probably going to put a bookmark in this idea. My motivation has been going into negatives and I'm dealing with too many personal stuff I've had to cut down writing to basically focusing on only one story - and it isn't this unfortunately. I'm going to ask if it's okay to keep my stuff up in the event I come back and decide to do it when my issues are solved. Shit sucks I had about two chapters done, got nervous about showing it, decided not to, and then this.

Sure! I'll allow necros in this topic on the ONE condition that it's either a new chapter, or something that would otherwise advance your writing. Well-written stories usually take time, so take as long as you need!

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I don't think on writing anything about Fates, but if I did, I'd find a way to include those ideas:

[spoiler=Conquest/Birthright spoilers]

- This has been repeated a thousand times, but Garon would still be Garon instead of Gooron. I'd make him a harsh ruler who believes the ends justify the means, whose motivation to expand Nohr's territory comes from his land's scarce resources. Like Trabant, I suppose. Although harsh and tough, especially to his kids, he'd still care about them, instead of being apathetic like in Fates, and act with the Nohrians' well being and his duty to his people on mind, first and foremost.

- Xander is righteous and just... if it doesn't conflict with where he's placed his loyalty on. Like his father, he'd also go to great lenghts to see that his duty is fulfilled, and he seeks to honor his family above all.

- No magic throne. Instead, turn the "it shows your true form" into a Hoshidan metaphor for power and showing one's true colors after obtaining it.

- Corrin and Kamui would be simultaneously canon names, the former's how they're called in Nohr and the latter is how they're called in Hoshido.

- Hoshido is as peace loving and bountiful as in vanilla Fates, but Hoshidans are also isolationists and somewhat xenophobes, too centered on their culture and self-righteousness to allow themselves to be influenced by foreign ideas that "threaten" their peaceful way of living, sometimes even showing hostility toward foreigners. Like in feudal Japan, the clan chiefs are essentially daimyos, with the king's powers limited to their loyalty.

- Azura is a princess of Nohr, daughter of Garon with whats-her-name.

- Corrin/Kamui doesn't have manakete esque powers. They're Sumeragi and Mikoto's child, just like every other royal Hoshidan sibling.

- The Invisible Kingdom doesn't exist, nor Hydra. It's better to get rid of the convoluted, unnecessary stuff. If anything, they could be legends.

- What makes Corrin/Kamui special in that scenario is that, in Birthright, they're helping Hoshido while retaining Nohr's cultural influences and being more lenient toward Nohrians, while in Conquest they're helping Nohr while keeping in mind and respecting Hoshido's culture and traditions. Their role would be that of a conciliator. Even though the war is inevitable, they mediate between both sides and try to achieve the lesser of all evils.

- Corrin/Kamui discovered an afinity toward books from their isolation on the castle (which is slightly better than vanilla Fates', since they would have times where their siblings would take them out, or Garon would give them permission to leave to do some errands), becoming a scholar by the time the story takes place, with a deeper understanding of Nohr and Hoshido's histories, culture and even warfare topics. That knowledge helps him during the Hoshido-Nohrian war.

and I guess that's it, as far as I've thought. I'm not very creative.

Edited by Rapier
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It's time for chapter 2! This was going to have more in it, but then I saw the word count and realised that if I added in what I wanted to do, the chapter would easily be 8000+ words long and I don't want to start making chapters that long yet.

[spoiler=Notes i.e. fuck your canon!]

-Last name for Nohr fam is Merovingian, last name for Hoshido fam is Shingen and Azura's last name is Nyneve.

-Hoshidan sibling age swap! Sakura is the oldest and Ryoma is the youngest.

-Azura gets the Yato and is the High Queen of Valla

-I tried to emulate Owain's speech pattern in his writting, but I think I've underdone it. Thoughts?

-Despite what's said in this chapter, another issue with Owain's writing is that he wrote it to be semi-fictional and also never intended it to be published. The reason why will be mentioned latter.

-Nohr fam knows he's Hoshidan. Corrin meanwhile, knows that he's being lied to but not what the exact truth is.

[spoiler=Text. Word Count- 4054]

If you're reading this, then it's extremely likely that you own the original copy of this book. It's also likely that you've formed several strong opinions on various subjects based on information gleaned from the original. Unfortunately, the first publishing of this story is filled with misinformation and over-exaggerations of true events. Even worse is that this misinformation has worsened the already tense and hostile relations between the various kingdoms. For this reason, a reprint is being issued with the purpose of clearing up the errors that have been made.

Xander rested his chin on one hand and absentmindedly tapped his quill against the desk. The opening paragraph was a little terse and to the point, likely as a result of Azura's dictation and although it could probably benefit from a little filler, it wasn't worth raising a fuss about yet. At the very least anything that could've been considered outright rude would've already been taken out by Azura in-post. Still, it would be something to look out for in the future. The girl had a problem when it came to friendly speech, often coming across as insensitive at times. Gods know that the last thing this book needed was more reason to stir up controversy.

It should be made clear, however, that this wasn't done deliberately. Owain Dark, the original author, has a style of writing that lends itself towards black-and-white morality with clearly defined heroes and villains (albeit with the main hero tending towards a more morally grey presentation). This is consistent throughout everything he's written and while somewhat simplistic in theory, his original works from what I've seen use it quite well and are very entertaining.

Not to mention rather justified. Apparently more than a few of his works were based on his own experiences and judging from what little Inigo had said about their country of origin, 'black-and-white' didn't even begin to cover it. It was no wonder the dark mage's writing tended towards such moral extremes. If even half of it was true, those 'Grimleal' might as well have been as inhuman and monstrous as the Faceless.

Unfortunately, while applying such morality to an original story is perfectly fine, real-life is very rarely so simple and while Nohr was undoubtedly the aggressor of the conflict and many of the higher-ranking officials towards the end of King Garon's were corrupt and cruel, to say that they represent the entirety of the Nohrian population is incorrect.

'Bigoted' was the word Xander would've used to describe it, but considering that diplomacy and tact were more important than ever in this day and age, Azura's less confrontational wording was ideal for the topic at hand. Nevertheless, it would probably be worth mentioning that many of those officials were appointed directly by Garon and thus, circumvented the traditional methods of promotion. Xander flipped to the back of the book and dipped his quill in its inkwell before writing his thoughts on the first blank page before turning back to the start.

As a means of clearing up many of the errors, myself and my colleagues (Archdukes Leo and Takumi specifically) have issued a reprint in order to correct this errors. I and my fellow veterans of the Third Nohr-Hoshido War and Vallite War will be giving our account of the events and hopefully, improve the bond between Valla, Hoshido and Nohr.

With that paragraph, the disclaimer had come to an end. Eager to make as much headway as possible before the meeting, Xander turned the page over and felt his mood sour a little as he noticed that Owain's…colourful prose had been left intact. The king had been hoping that it would've been replaced with more plainspoken text, if only because it would've been less

bothersome to read.

Chapter 1: A Fateful Occurrence (Archduke Leo)

As numerous as the stars are the sagas that chronicle the tales of mythical tales of yore! From the Saga of Ryuurei; the Son of Dragons and founder of Valla, to the Siegfried; the Ebon Knight who freed his people from the tyranny of the Blight Dragons to Raiden; the Trueblade of Storms and uniter of the eastern nations.

Natheless, one need not look to the distant past to find heroes of legend, whose actions will be spoken of in sagas for generations to come. From Xander Merovingian and Sakura Shingen, eldest royals of Nohr and Hoshido who signed the first peace treaty between their nations to Azura Nyneve, High Queen of Valla and slayer of Anankos. The deeds of these champions of light shall transcend mere history and become the tales of legend that shall inspire the generations of the future!

To say that Xander was already irritated by the florid prose would've only been a slight exaggeration. The king was never one to employ verbose language where simpler and more plain-spoken sentences would work just as well, and as such he found Owain's particular method of articulation to be something of a pet peeve of his, with the fact that he could 'hear' the sorcerer's bombastic voice all but yell each word inside his mind only worsening the experience. Needless to say, the week in which he learned to use iambic pentameter in conversation had not been a particularly enjoyable one.

This volume tells the tale of a prince of Nohr and Hoshido, a child of two worlds and husband to Azura. His name is Corrin Merovingian to Nohr and Kamui Shingen to Hoshido, but he goes by many other names and titles; the Crux of Fate, the Wind Sage, Conjuror of the Sacred Gale, the Good Shepherd, the Platinum-Scaled One, the Dragon of Fate, the Avatar of Peace and the Draconic Inheritor. *1

*1: Most of these titles are made up. To my knowledge, the only one of these he's ever been referred to by is 'the Wind Sage', and that has more to do with his weapon of choice than anything to do with him.

Who is this scion of legend I hear you ask? Corrin was the son of Emperor Sumeragi and Mikoto Shingen, abducted by King Garon on the same day as Emperor Sumeragi's assassination and Cheve's surrendering of autonomy and induction as a vassal state of Nohr. *2

*2: Despite what certain ignorant and bigoted fools would have you believe, the idea that vassal states under the control of Nohr are worked like slaves and abused frequently is untrue. In fact, many of the Vassal States are treated quite well.

The blonde king frowned disapprovingly at the text in front of him. While he understood perfectly well that Leo did not suffer fools lightly and that he could come across as rude without intending to be at times, openly using such harsh language and insults would only give off the wrong impression and was more likely to worsen people's opinions of Nohr than improve them, especially considering that the treatment of the people of Cheve was just as horrid and barbaric as everyone said it was. Xander quickly noted at the back of the book that Leo should be less confrontational with his language before continuing to read.

Stripped of all memories of his early childhood, sealed away into the darkest depths of his mind with dark magic, King Garon truly lived up to the legacy of the great manipulators of his earliest ancestors and raised this child of destiny as his own, tricking him into believing that he was a prince of Nohr rather than Hoshido and for a time he and his adoptive siblings lived in blissful ignorance of the truth.

"Not all of us." Xander thought to himself, recalling the day he met his younger brother for the first time.

The young prince could hear Leo and Elise complaining about the long ride from inside the caravan. It was to be expected of course; royalty or not, they were still young children and to be kept in such a confined space with only fifteen-minute breaks to stretch their legs every forty-five minutes was surely frustrating for them, as was their father's continued silence on where they were heading.

The fact that the circumstances behind their departure and journey were unusual certainly wasn't doing any good for Xander's own curiosity. Woken well before even the morning servants would rise from their slumber and escorted out of the capital through one of the many secret escape passages to meet up with a convoy, all of whom were members of the Omega Legion and escorted to the north, further north even the most distant of castles or towns. It just didn't make sense, the only things this far north were mountain ranges and, beyond that, the Frozen Wastes. What could possibly be worth travelling this far?

"Daddy?" Camilla said, barely suppressing a yawn as she poked her head out through the front of the caravan. From his position at the front of the convoy, Garon slowed his horse and allowed the caravan to catch up with him.

"What is it princess?" He asked, smiling warmly at his lilac-haired daughter.

"Where are we going?

Garon sighed wearily, his smile fading slightly out of annoyance. "You've asked seven times now and I've told you that you'll have to wait until we arrive each time."

Camilla was having none of it, however, and stared at her father with the biggest sad-eyes she could muster and a pout. Hers was a particularly effective and sympathy-provoking example of that particular expression; a trait shared with her mother despite the latter's status as Captain of the Royal Guard. Xander could only hope she wouldn't inherit her mother's mental instability alongside it.

"You won't stop asking until I say, will you?" Garon asked, and sighed as Camilla shook her head in response.

"Fine. We're going to visit a new brother of yours."

Xander damn near fell out of his saddle from the shock and the expression on Camilla's face was very indicative of her own surprise. It also seemed that Leo and Elise were now cured of their exhaustion, joining Camilla at the front of the caravan and asking Garon multiple questions with each breath.

"His name is Corrin and his mother was a Hoshidan musician I met during a diplomatic voyage to Nestra. I continued to see her during my trips to Cyrkensia for the Festival Season and eventually, we had a child together. She moved into the palace, but she and Corrin were disguised using illusionary magic. The courts disapproved of me siring so many children to women who weren't the queen as it is, for one of them to be born of Hoshidan blood would've been…controversial, to say the least."

"So did it work?" Camilla asked, although the tone in her voice seemed to indicate that she already knew the answer.

"No. One of the other children's mothers discovered the truth and poisoned their food. Corrin survived; the poison was dark magic based, so the Dragon's blood within him saved his life. His mother, however, did not and Corrin himself was left in a coma."

"Ah, so we're gonna see him now that he's woken up? Leo queried.

"Not quite. Whatever poison they used, it sealed his memories. He's been awake for four months now, undoing the effects of the poison on his memories. We're going to see him now that he can speak fluently."

Camilla, Leo and Elise seemed satisfied by Garon's explanation, but Xander was poring over the story in his mind, trying to make sense of what he'd been told. If Corrin's mother would be in such danger for being a Hoshidan, why even bring her to Castle Krakenburg? Surely there would've been better alternatives, especially considering that illusionary magic was notoriously difficult to maintain for long periods of time. If there was a Hoshidan in Garon's harem, Katarina surely would've found and that definitely would've led to an argument that he would've overheard. Never mind that while dark magic was certainly capable of tampering with memories, that doing so belonged to a very specific type of tome and required extensive training to do so without killing the target. Xander kept trying to think of rational explanations, but none of them made sense. Something was clearly wrong with Garon's story.

"Fathe-" Xander began to say before he was silenced by the Garon's fearsome warning glare silenced him. Clearly, the king didn't want to discuss the matter further and Xander certainly didn't want to anger him by pressing the matter.

"I'll ask latter." The blonde prince assured himself, choosing to distract himself by taking stock of his equipment. The steel sword and javelin that were standard for cavalier-class soldiers were both easily accessible in the event of an ambush, his water canteen was running a little low but would probably last until they arrived at their destination and he still had enough rations to last for two more breaks. If only his own body could be holding up nearly as well; the prince was starting to feel weighed down by his armour as a result of the long journey and the hours of riding hadn't done any favours for his legs and lower back, both of which were now aching to the point that the prince wanted nothing more than to stop riding and join his siblings in the caravan.

"No. 'A Knight of Nohr must ride day and night if need be'."

Reminding himself of his tutor's motto was of little comfort to the prince, but it at least gave him the determination to keep riding. Mercifully, however, there wasn't much time left until the journey was complete. It was only twenty minutes after Garon had informed his children of the purpose of the journey before they came across a small outpost near the base of the mountains, well hidden by the surprisingly dense foliage of the area. The Nohrian king exchanged a few words with the outpost's leader before they were lead to a section of the mountain's wall. The children watch with puzzled looks as Garon walked up to the hardened stone of the mountain and rapped his fist against it four times.

"Might I borrow a cup of flour and a stick of butter?"

Xander narrowed his eyes, confused by his Garon's actions. The prince was about to question his father over what the purpose of that phrase was before an entire section of the mountain, easily wide enough to walk through, faded away and exposed five sorcerers.

"Ah. Illusionary magic."

King Garon beckoned for the rest of the convoy to follow him through the passageway. Urging his horse into a gentle trot, Xander followed the aged warrior into the passage, watching with interest as the sorcerers weaved their magic and recast the illusion. The blonde cavalier could hear his sibling's hushed whispers and expressions of awe, their young minds captivated by the sight of such powerful magic. It took another twenty minutes of travelling to get from one side of the mountain to the other, but when they reached the other side, the sight of the black-granite fortress sitting on an island of land within a seemingly bottomless crater was truly impressive.

"My children." Garon beckoned, calling Xander and his siblings closer to him. "This is the Northern Fortress; one of the greatest secrets of the Kingdom of Nohr. Its existence is known only to about a dozen people, not counting the staff of this place. To reveal its existence is a capital crime, no exceptions. If any of you reveal the location of this place without my permission, you will be punished accordingly. Understood?"

"Of course father." Xander nodded, turning his head to his siblings and watching as Camilla also expressed her understanding, albeit not without gulping nervously as a fearful look spread across her face. Leo and Elise also responded positively, but it was highly likely that both of them were too young to understand the weight of what they'd been told and either he or Camilla would have to provide a more in-depth explanation latter.

"Excellent." Garon said, his previously serious expression fading and becoming much more good-natured. "Enough of such serious matters, let us go see your brother."

Mercifully, the trip from the base of the mountain to the Northern Fortress was much shorter than the previous two segments of the journey and very shortly, the gates of the fortress were shut behind them and a number of servants began attending to their needs. Camilla, Leo and Elise swiftly headed for the main tower of the fortress, eager to meet up with Corrin. Xander meanwhile, jogged over to Garon, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Father, wait! I have some questions I need to ask you."

"I'd be surprised and a little disappointed if you didn't. Assuming you're referring to Corrin of course."

"Yes, I am. I-"

"I believe I know what you're referring to when you say that you have questions; you believe that the story I told you makes no sense, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then allow me to answer those questions now; Corrin is not my son. I know this may surprise you, but I cannot explain now. Come to my office once dinner is over and I will explain all that I can. For now though, all you need to know is that even though he may not be related to you by blood, I expect you to treat him as if he were. Understood?"

Xander was so stunned by his father's answer that he couldn't even muster a verbal response, only able to express his understanding through a meagre nod. The grey-haired king walked off and started a conversation with who Xander assumed was in charge of the fortress and leaving the blonde prince to wallow in his confusion.

"I just don't understand…"

Every answer the cavalier was given only seemed to bring more questions with it. However, rather than continue with a line of inquiry that was almost sure to get him nowhere, Xander instead entered the main tower and climbed the stairs until he reached the floor in which a maid had informed him the he and his siblings' rooms were located, resigned to the fact that he likely wouldn't be able to make sense of things until Garon offered a more detailed explanation. The prince quickly set about removing his armour, eager to be rid of the heavy plate armour now that the ride had come to an end. Starting with the helmet and working his way down to the sabatons, periodically lying flat on the bed to relax his lower back and leg muscles and groaning in pain as he did so, finally understanding what Garon had meant when he said that the first long ride was always the hardest, as well as his amused expression and snickered answer of 'you'll find out' upon being questioned further.

"I'm going to need a hot bath." Xander noted. However, he had other things to do first; tend to his horse, put away his equipment properly, eat lunch and, of course, meet his 'brother'. With a heavy groan and more than a little reluctance, Xander stood up and walked out the door, heading for the common area, where his siblings were undoubtedly playing with Corrin. As expected, when Xander walked through the door the very first thing he noticed was that Camilla had already become attached to her new 'brother', eagerly chatting with him as she attempted to hand-feed him lunch. Xander walked over to the two, both of them turning their head at the noise and allowing Xander to get his first look at his supposed brother.

The first thing the Nohrian prince noticed was that he was young, no older than eight. Of course, that bit of information was forgotten rather quickly once Xander noticed his rather alarming physical abnormalities; ears that were pointed rather than round at the tips, deep red eyes with slitted pupils, abnormally fair skin even by Nohrian standards and as he opened his mouth and greeted the prince nervously, Xander noticed that a pair of noticeably fanged teeth. It also seemed that Garon hadn't lied when he mentioned that the child was half Hoshidan, although the other half of his heritage was not of any nationality that the prince could recognise. Taking this new information into consideration, Xander know suspected he knew exactly why Garon had taken in 'Corrin' when he wasn't his own child, as well as where he'd come from.

"I'm afraid you'll have to get closer milord. Lord Corrin can't see very well." Gunter told him, and it was only then that Xander noticed that Corrin was looking at his chin rather than his eyes as well as the somewhat unfocused look in his eyes. The prince knelt down and shuffled forward until the look in Corrin's eyes became more focused, at which point there couldn't have been more than half a metre between them. Corrin instantly averted his gaze and started fidgeting with his hand, his shyness readily apparent.

"Well at least we have that in common."

"Go on Corrin, it's okay." Gunter said, laying a reassuring hand on the Hoshidan's shoulder. Corrin looked to the Nohrian knight before nodding and looking at Xander nervously, still fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Um, h-hello. M-my name is Corrin. It's nice to meet you." He stated hesitantly. Xander had only ever met Hoshidans when he accompanied Garon to Nestra, but he could still detect the faintest traces of a Hoshidan accent in his words. Xander briefly wondered how many siblings he had in the very likely scenario that he was a member of the Hoshidan Royal Family. If he remembered correctly, it would've been three or four. Would've been the key word.

"Hello Corrin. My name is Xander, I'm your older brother."

His other siblings had bought into the lie at first, but as they grew older they began to realise the truth before coming to him for answers. How could they not when Garon's story was only crafted to fool them as young children? Leo had been the first, the mage's sharp mind easily picking apart the flaws in Garon's story before he'd even reached twelve years of age. Camilla had taken a bit longer than that, although that had been more to do with her being in denial about it for some time rather than a genuine lack of knowledge on her part. Unsurprisingly, Elise was the last to come around due to her youth, although she'd learnt about Corrin's true origins far earlier than either he or Camilla would've liked as a result of Leo mentioning it carelessly during an argument. The blond princess had taken it surprisingly well, although 'surprisingly well' still entailed crying in her room for a full day and refusing to talk to Leo for another two on top of that.

However, with age came the shedding of innocence and the Royal Family of Nohr eventually knew of his origins as a prince of Hoshido. Corrin himself however, remained ignorant of his origins. *3

*3: This is technically correct; while we never told Corrin the truth behind his circumstances, he figured out that father's story was fabricated rather quickly and was rather obsessive when it came to trying to learn the truth.

This ignorance was not to last though, and no one could predict the chain of events that would occur once Xander and Camilla returned from the last 'Reclamation War'.

Xander groaned at the memory of that campaign, remembering his actions bitterly and the consequences they would bring with them.

All criticism is welcome. Tear me to pieces!

Did you think I was going to comment on Chapter 3? Too bad, it's only Chapter 2 (for now)!

-Who is talking in the opening paragraph of the book? It says it's Leo but Xander remarks as if Odin wrote it.

-Is there a less silly password than "Might I borrow a cup of flour and a stick of butter?" I mean, really.

-A line says "Xander damn near fell out of his saddle". 'Damn' is something someone would say in speech, not as an objective viewpoint of events.

-Another line says that Garon has an "office" which sounds a little modern. Maybe "my chamber" or "my solar" would be more apt?

-When Xander is doing his flashback about meeting Kamui for the first time, it uses bold text for some Xander's inner thoughts but not all of them. For the sake of clarity (previously, when reading the history book, bold text was the writings in the book and plain text was for Xander's thoughts), I'd make all of the flashback in plain text and just have the text inform the reader when something is said or merely thought. The transition from Xander reading the book to going flashback mode is a little awkward.

I have a few ideas for a rewrite of Birthright. Let me know what you think of them, like what can be changed or improved.

- Yukimura stays behind at Castle Shirasagi (hope I pronounced that right) for safety reasons

- Corrin`s army heads back to help after they recieve the letter from Yukimura

- Silas is the traitor and is actually fought alongside Iago in chapter 25/26 (don`t remember which it was). He also did not believe Ryoma`s claim about helping restore Nohr after the war

- Flora does not kill herself, though she could still die

- One or more of the Nohrian siblings join Corrin (not sure which)

- Velouria and Selke are the daugters of Keaton and Kaden respectivly, though their mothers are never seen nor named. Selke most likely joins alongside Kaden, while Velouria is fought alongside Keaton.

- Felicia is told (by either Kilma or someone else) about how she and Flora ended up in Nohr.

- Hinoka saves Kaze and Corrin from falling into the chasm at chapter 15

I like these changes. Silas being a traitor would be kind of a neat twist considering he was suspected of trying to deceive Kamui when he first shows up.

Assuming the rest of Birthright plays out in a similar fashion. I could see Leon and/or Camilla joining, even if only temporarily. Camilla might be to shaken by the deaths of Elise and Xander so maybe only Leon would have the mental fortitude to support you after that.

I don't think on writing anything about Fates, but if I did, I'd find a way to include those ideas:

[spoiler=Conquest/Birthright spoilers]

- This has been repeated a thousand times, but Garon would still be Garon instead of Gooron. I'd make him a harsh ruler who believes the ends justify the means, whose motivation to expand Nohr's territory comes from his land's scarce resources. Like Trabant, I suppose. Although harsh and tough, especially to his kids, he'd still care about them, instead of being apathetic like in Fates, and act with the Nohrians' well being and his duty to his people on mind, first and foremost.

- Xander is righteous and just... if it doesn't conflict with where he's placed his loyalty on. Like his father, he'd also go to great lenghts to see that his duty is fulfilled, and he seeks to honor his family above all.

- No magic throne. Instead, turn the "it shows your true form" into a Hoshidan metaphor for power and showing one's true colors after obtaining it.

- Corrin and Kamui would be simultaneously canon names, the former's how they're called in Nohr and the latter is how they're called in Hoshido.

- Hoshido is as peace loving and bountiful as in vanilla Fates, but Hoshidans are also isolationists and somewhat xenophobes, too centered on their culture and self-righteousness to allow themselves to be influenced by foreign ideas that "threaten" their peaceful way of living, sometimes even showing hostility toward foreigners. Like in feudal Japan, the clan chiefs are essentially daimyos, with the king's powers limited to their loyalty.

- Azura is a princess of Nohr, daughter of Garon with whats-her-name.

- Corrin/Kamui doesn't have manakete esque powers. They're Sumeragi and Mikoto's child, just like every other royal Hoshidan sibling.

- The Invisible Kingdom doesn't exist, nor Hydra. It's better to get rid of the convoluted, unnecessary stuff. If anything, they could be legends.

- What makes Corrin/Kamui special in that scenario is that, in Birthright, they're helping Hoshido while retaining Nohr's cultural influences and being more lenient toward Nohrians, while in Conquest they're helping Nohr while keeping in mind and respecting Hoshido's culture and traditions. Their role would be that of a conciliator. Even though the war is inevitable, they mediate between both sides and try to achieve the lesser of all evils.

- Corrin/Kamui discovered an afinity toward books from their isolation on the castle (which is slightly better than vanilla Fates', since they would have times where their siblings would take them out, or Garon would give them permission to leave to do some errands), becoming a scholar by the time the story takes place, with a deeper understanding of Nohr and Hoshido's histories, culture and even warfare topics. That knowledge helps him during the Hoshido-Nohrian war.

and I guess that's it, as far as I've thought. I'm not very creative.

Hey, I like all of these ideas and would incorporate most if I were to write a full fanfiction. At first I thought taking out Kamui's manakete abilities would be pretty significant but ultimately it's the human drama people like the most, right?

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Did you think I was going to comment on Chapter 3? Too bad, it's only Chapter 2 (for now)!

-Who is talking in the opening paragraph of the book? It says it's Leo but Xander remarks as if Odin wrote it.

Opening paragraph is Odin's original writing, Leo's parts are the annotations (foot notes? I dunno what word to use) added after.

-Is there a less silly password than "Might I borrow a cup of flour and a stick of butter?" I mean, really.

It was meant to be a reference to the vampire myth where they can't enter a home unless they're invited. I vaguely remembered something about asking for sugar, flour or butter as an excuse, but I don't remember exactly where I saw it and the rest was history. Nohr's gonna be getting a lot of vampire references although the actual vampires are less 'Dracula' and more ghoul.

-A line says "Xander damn near fell out of his saddle". 'Damn' is something someone would say in speech, not as an objective viewpoint of events.

Changed to nearly, will update in a moment.

-Another line says that Garon has an "office" which sounds a little modern. Maybe "my chamber" or "my solar" would be more apt?

Solar is a family room and it's meant to be a workroom. Looking at the definition of chambers makes it seem better, but isn't 'chambers' used to refer to a bedroom?

-When Xander is doing his flashback about meeting Kamui for the first time, it uses bold text for some Xander's inner thoughts but not all of them. For the sake of clarity (previously, when reading the history book, bold text was the writings in the book and plain text was for Xander's thoughts), I'd make all of the flashback in plain text and just have the text inform the reader when something is said or merely thought. The transition from Xander reading the book to going flashback mode is a little awkward.

Which lines aren't? Because I fixed something of that nature after I posted the chapter here. Anyway, I'll take that suggestion into account but I think I'll try making the transition from reading-to-flashback smoother first.

I like these changes. Silas being a traitor would be kind of a neat twist considering he was suspected of trying to deceive Kamui when he first shows up.

Assuming the rest of Birthright plays out in a similar fashion. I could see Leon and/or Camilla joining, even if only temporarily. Camilla might be to shaken by the deaths of Elise and Xander so maybe only Leon would have the mental fortitude to support you after that.

I second the Silas traitor idea, that's sweet af. I can see Camilla and Elise joining Corrin, but I'm not sure about Leo or Xander. Stepping aside and letting him/her take care of Garon, sure, but joining them against Nohr seems a little eh.

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It was meant to be a reference to the vampire myth where they can't enter a home unless they're invited. I vaguely remembered something about asking for sugar, flour or butter as an excuse, but I don't remember exactly where I saw it and the rest was history. Nohr's gonna be getting a lot of vampire references although the actual vampires are less 'Dracula' and more ghoul.

Solar is a family room and it's meant to be a workroom. Looking at the definition of chambers makes it seem better, but isn't 'chambers' used to refer to a bedroom?

1. It feels out of character for him to say, even if they are code works to get into the fortress. I'm not imagining vampires, I'm imagining a frigidity housewife in an apron asking her neighbor for baking supplies. The 'must be let in thing' feels a little strange anyway. Being let in means that it's only by the owner's permission that you be allowed in, ie you don't have authority until they give it to you. Garon is the king of Nohr so there isn't a greater authority than him. It could work if it were a more wormy villain like Iago or Zola, it would be fitting, but Garon doesn't ask for anyone's permission.

2, The dictionary I was looking at for 'solar' said it was an upper chamber in someone's house, which fits how I've seen it in literature. 'Chamber' is also a more general term for a room, which could be anything from a bedroom to meeting hall.

I forgot to post it here, but here's chapter 3. Criticism is always welcome!

I also took your advice about the name of the Omega Legion and changed it to Ordre de la Couronne de Fer (Order of the Iron Crown).

[spoiler=Chapter 3]

"I don't see the point of continuing this campaign." Huffed one of the three generals, his frustration readily apparent as he waved his hand dismissively and ignoring the admonishing gaze Xander sent his way. "What possible advantage could conquering this country give us?"

"You know perfectly well that Loreon and its sister nations possess a wealth of mineral resources, especially in regards to the materials required to forge adamantine weapons."

"Bah, my lands are also rich with such resources. If we are truly in such dire need for these materials, then I will simply have my vassals work harder."

Xander was unable to suppress a snort of disgust, infuriated by and unable to comprehend how he could treat his subjects so callously. The action did not go unnoticed by those in the room, as the guards at each door gripped their weapons nervously and Garon pinched the ridge of his brow, mumbling something along the lines of 'not this again'. As expected, the general turned to Xander and raised an eyebrow, a defensive look in his eye.

"Do you find my proposal objectionable your highness?"

"Yes. I do. You've already raised the mandatory weekly working hours in mines owned by your family by six and reduced the conscription age for workers from eighteen to sixteen. Whatever plans you have for making your subjects 'work harder', I doubt they'll be ethical."

"And why are ethics such an important concern? Nohr needs resources, so we take them from our vassal states an-"

"We've gone beyond that now. We were at a sustainable level of consumption ten years ago and these new policies have led to the greatest overabundance of resources in the history of Nohr."

"You say that as if it's a bad thing! I honestly don't understand why you always bring this up, your highness. You benefit from our prosperity just as much as the rest of us!"

Garon sighed wearily and slumped into his chair, knowing perfectly well came after someone made that particular remark in regards to the blonde paladin. The prince glared at the general icily as he partially undid the straps holding his gauntlet in place and reached over to grip the hilt of Siegfried as it rested against the table, tapping an armoured finger against the pommel of the blade meaningfully.

"What exactly are you implying Antoine?"

"That's enough Xander." Garon chided, his frustration with the prince obvious. Xander looked at his father disbelievingly before he released his grip on Siegfried and started redoing the strap on his gauntlet, doing his best to ignore the smug and well-pleased grin plastered across the Antoine's increasingly irritating face. The general took a moment to bask in the joy of having one-upped the crown prince of Nohr himself before Garon turned on him.

"And Antoine, your attempts to hinder this discussion and self-promotion of your own lands is an insultingly transparent attempt to gain a stranglehold on our supply of these resources. I'd expected better from you considering your lineage."

"You majesty, I apologise if my words were interpreted as such. I am merely concerned that we have not given due consideration to alternatives."

"I'm sure." Garon said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Perhaps you'd be interested in knowing that both Duke Louis of Alsace and Duke Francis of Aquitaine are becoming increasingly annoyed by your power-plays and that is only that I find your ability to manage trade and supply lines superior to others that prevents them from moving against you. The invasion of Loreon will proceed as planned and I will not hear another word of opposition from you, lest I see fit to let the dukes act against you.

Antoine visibly paled at the statement and bowed his head towards Garon reverently before sitting down and staring intently at the map, a distant gaze upon his face.

"As much as I hate to be overly reliant on one particular solution, perhaps it would be better if we sent the Percheron Crusaders to deal with this."

The mention of his personal legion snapped Xander out of his rage-induced trance and had him gaze at the general questioningly. Before the prince could protest against such a decision, the third general spoke up.

"One of the biggest factors preventing us from making any decent headway into Loreon is their army's abundance of heavy crossbows and caltrops. Such conditions are hardly ideal for a legion of cavalry, no?"

"Perhaps, but the troops stationed there are suffering from critically low morale. The presence of Prince Xander and his legion would be quite the inspiration considering that they've yet to fail an assignment."

"I fail to see how sending one of our most successful and powerful legions and the crown prince of our country into such horrible conditions is worth it for the morale boost."

"Enough. I've made my decision." Garon boomed, standing up from his chair and moving closer to the board in order to move the pieces and explain his strategy.

Camilla suppressed a yawn as she placed the final report to the left side of her mahogany desk, lamenting the cons of having such a large spy network. Sure, she knew everything worth knowing and some of what wasn't about the political landscape and important figures of the current Nohrian nobility. But on the other hand, there was the paperwork; the never-ending paperwork to be read, summarized and memorized and with the bi-seasonally feast coming up, the number of reports she was receiving from her agents had seemed to triple overnight.

But that didn't matter now; all the work that needed to be finished immediately was done. Her newest dress with all the latest trends in Nohrian fashion incorporated into it had arrived, she'd finished her list of allies to be made and people to be manipulated and the accompanying character profiles, the details of which had been committed to memory and she'd even managed arrange an 'accident' for that idiotic marquis. With all her preparations for the feast complete, the princess could now afford some relaxation time.

"Oh this is going to be lovely." The lilac-haired woman thought to herself as she finished her glass of red wine and stretched out the aches in her neck and back, making plans for what she would do with her week of free time. Catch up on her reading perhaps? Try out those new scented bath salts from the Southern Isles? Visiting Corrin was definitely a priority, considering how long it had been since her last visit. However, what she was currently looking forward to the most was sleeping in. Oh yes, after so many late nights and early mornings, catching up on her sleep was something the princess was very much looking forward to. However, before the lilac-haired woman could even change into her nightgown she heard a knock on her door. Briefly fantasizing about removing the offending hand from the wrist it was attached to, Camilla strolled over to the door and opened the door.

"Oh! Hello brother. Why, you were in the war room for so long I thought you'd died from starvation."

"After an entire day of dealing with nobles who care more about their personal power than what will benefit Nohr, I'm not sure if that wouldn't be a preferable fate."

"That bad? You have my sympathies."

"And you have mine."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"You and I are heading to Loreon to assist with the invasion and we're leaving at dawn. I imagine that with the bi-seasonally feast coming up, a lot of work is going to be going to waste for you." The prince said, gazing at her sympathetically at first but allowing himself to smile slightly as he observed her reaction. "The way your eye twitches doesn't seem healthy. Perhaps you should consult a doctor."

"Are you teasing me dear brother?"

"I do not tease. I merely remark." The prince corrected while doing his best to keep a straight face.

"I'm sure. Anyway, seeing as how we'll be getting up very early tomorrow, I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight".

Xander briefly considered quipping on bitter and venomous edge in her words, but considering how foul the princess' mood could be when she missed her sleep, he decided it would be wiser to leave well enough alone. The paladin bid his sister goodnight and started heading towards his own chambers, intending on getting as much sleep as possible.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The gates of Windmire slammed shut behind the prince and his detachment with a deafening thud. Xander paused for a moment to take in the surroundings, taking note of the ash-coloured sand, the sudden drop in temperature, the ominous and worrisome silence and, of course, the ever-present mist that reduced visibility to about a hundred metres in all directions but straight ahead. Suppressing a cold-induced shiver, the prince drew Siegfried from its sheath, the dragonstone at the base of the blade flaring to life as a protective aura enveloped the prince and his horse. The blonde paladin performed a few practice swipes, a trail of mulberry-coloured smoke following the blades movements before turning to his squad of cavalry to give orders.

"Remember; it's uncommon for the wildlife to wander so close to the barrier, but it isn't unheard of. I want all weapons at the ready. If we're attacked by a carnifex your life is forfeit if you're not prepared."

The sound of swords, lances, and tomes being readied filled the air as Xander gazed to the barrier in question, the runic language of magic scrawled on both sides of the road giving off a very faint white energy, indicating that the barrier was working properly. They rode in five ranks of twenty, with Xander and his retainers in the middle of the group for their protection. Xander briefly considered starting a conversation with his retainers, but both of them were preoccupied for the same purpose but for very different reasons; Inigo's tense and somewhat fearful gaze indicating his paranoia and desperate hope that the journey to the border of Nohr would be uneventful; a sympathetic position to take considering that he and his friends first experience with Nohr had been fending off a swarm of gluses. Peri meanwhile, was looking around with bated breath and a look of anticipation and excitement on her face, eager for the opportunity to shed any kind of blood.

The blonde paladin briefly wondered how Camilla was doing. The two had managed to convince Garon to let the malig knight visit Corrin before heading for Loreon under the defense that her revenant would most likely allow her to arrive before Xander in spite of the detour. Garon had given his permission, but not before rejecting Camilla's pleads to allow Corrin to move into the castle. The usual arguments had been brought up, but in the end, Garon stubbornness was greater than Camilla's and he had reaffirmed his decree that Corrin would be forbidden to leave the citadel until he could best Xander in a duel.

His attention drawn to a commotion at the front of the convoy, the prince urged his horse into a trot, the soldiers parting to allow him passage. Xander allowed himself to relax a little once he noticed that the cause of the commotion was naught but a lone rider wearing Nohrian garb, but the rider's obvious distress and exhaustion still left the prince feeling ill at ease.

"Your highness!" the rider cried in relief, getting down on one knee and bowing his head. "I beg of you, we require your assistance!"

"I will aid you however I can, but I must know what the problem is."

"The barrier just up ahead has broken down and we don't have the resources to fix it completely. We've already lost five good men to an undead wyvern and I don't know how much longer we can hold out."

The immediate and most obvious question Xander asked himself was how they could not have the resources to fix the barrier, as every city was granted the necessary amount of white magic in order to fix at least one major breach as part of their annual funding. Those questions would have to wait until he could question the city's marquis, the more pressing matter at hand would be fixing the breach. Xander turned to the other cavalry and gave his orders.

"Inigo, you stay here with the majority of the soldiers. If there's been a breach than the air will be contaminated with dark magic and you lack the resistance to it that native Nohrians have. Strategists, you're with me!"

Inigo nodded in confirmation and moved to join the rest of the cavalry while Xander, Peri and the strategist class soldiers rode ahead to the site of the breach. The smell was what hit the prince first; the smell of sulfur and rotten meat that was all but synonymous with raw dark magic. It was faint at first, merely mildly irritating but as they drew closer to their destination the repugnant odour grew stronger and more nauseating to the point that Xander found himself actively resisting the temptation to vomit. By the time they reached their destination and saw the group of mages, their guards and the hastily constructed barricades they were using for cover, the dark magic in the air had become so concentrated that he could feel his skin crawl with its mere presence and the mist that had leaked through the barrier ensured that he could barely see in front of him, the only evidence of anyone near him being vague and featureless outlines.

"The Crown Prince of Nohr himself! Please forgive me for speaking so informally, but I'm so glad to see you I could actually kiss you right now!" one of the shapes, presumably the chief sorcerer sighed happily, a sentiment that was shared by her colleagues if their cheers were anything to go by.

"Again, forgive me for speaking so informally. My name is Lucie Babineaux, Chief Sorcerer of Seine-Saint-Denis, graduated top of my class from the Institute of Maintenance at the Windmire University of the Magical Arts."

"I've been told that you lack the resources to fix the barrier. Is that true?"

"Mhmm. Marquis Julien has been wasting our stock of light magic on trivial injuries for the last few months. A lot of the more extreme rumours you'll here aren't true, but I know for a fact that he used a heal staff on his wife as a pain killer for a tibia fracture."

Xander frowned, lamenting the lack of morals these new nobles displayed and wondering just how rampant corruption had grown in the ten years since the end of the concubine's infighting. The prince made a mental note to interrogate the marquis about his wasteful use of rare resources before a sound from beyond the barrier drew his attention. The prince wasted no time in dismounting and readying himself for battle as both the repair team and his accompanying soldiers similarly prepared themselves. All eyes were pointed in the direction of the noise despite their inability to see whatever was causing it, although Xander felt like he could just barely make out a shape in the distance.

The shape started rapidly closing the distance between them, charging towards the Nohrians with obviously hostile intent. Xander reflexively threw up his shield just in time to catch an attempted bite from the beast. The weight of the impact nearly knocked Xander off his feet, but the Nohrian prince was able to stand his ground and managed to peer over his shield to get a look at his bestial assailant.

As expected, the beast was the undead wyvern that the rider had spoken off. It hadn't been dead for long, seeing that most of its body was still intact and showing no signs of decomposition. However, nearly the entire left side of the corpse's body, from the side of its head, to nearly the entirety of the left wing and all the way down to the calf of its hind leg had been stripped entirely of flesh and muscle, leaving only bone and exposed internal organs that dangled grimly out of a hole in its rib cage.

"Looks like it was slain by gluses." Xander noted before returning his attention to his assailant, noticing that the deceased wyvern was trying to extend its jaw over his shield. Xander took a step to the side, allowing the wyvern to stumble forward in the absence of a resisting force before bringing Siegfried down against its head, the weight of the sword crushing the skull and sending fragments of bone flying in all direction. Knowing that the undead were more than capable of fighting with missing body parts, the prince continued to hack at the beast, landing devastating blow after devastating blow until it was reduced to nothing more than a bloody smear across the ground laced with tiny fragments of bone.

"Goddamn…when they say you're the strongest warrior in the kingdom, they are not kidding."

"Strongest active warrior" Xander mentally corrected to himself, bitterly remembering that even with the Rainbow Sage's blessing that he'd yet to best his father in a duel, a fact that troubled him deeply.

"It was nothing. Such a creature could've been defeated by any malig knight."

"Hah! Don't even get me started on those guys. I've heard rumours about their initiating and I'm convinced that they're all insane. You'd have to be to willingly put yourself through that kind of training."

Forcing down unpleasant memories of his short-lived aspirations to join the malig knights himself and the unexpectedly brutal training it took to even become a wyvern rider in the first place, the prince nodded his agreement and prepared to resume his position defending the breach before something flew past his head and struck one of the repair crew's workhorses. The equine panicked and it was only then that Xander noticed the sizzling noise and the smell of burning flesh. The horse started running around wildly, nearly trampling the mage that tried to grab it's reins before stampeding to the outside of the barrier and was immediately bombarded by several globs of the same substance, leaving Xander to watch with disgust as the flesh and muscle on the areas struck dissolved and melted away. The prince would've expressed revulsion at the sight if his attention wasn't immediately drawn to the multitude of wet, slimy noises beyond his vision.

The prince recognised it as the very unpleasant sound the gluses made when they moved before he heard what sounded like a phlegm-filled cough and reflexively threw his shield up once again, just in time to block a glob of a viscous, light-grey substance that was aimed at his head. The prince looked around and noticed that the horses of several of his soldiers had been struck, whined with pain and throwing their riders off their backs in panic. The strategists who hadn't ducked behind the barricades for cover were hurling spells in the general direction of their attackers, hoping to strike one of the beasts. Xander himself took a few pot-shots with Siegfried before running behind the barricade himself, looking around to make sure his horse was safe and sighed with relief when he noticed that a member of the repair team had led her behind the barricade.

"Why are we taking cover? I wanna kill 'em!"

"No Peri. You won't even make it to the edge of the barrier before they shoot you down."

"But what if-"

"No Peri. Just wait." Xander said irritably, looking over to where the strategists had been moments ago. As expected, the gluses trademark accuracy had held true and most of the horses had been struck down in the opening volley with pin-point accurate headshots, the only horses still alive being those that had hidden behind the barricade before the ambush. The stranded strategists, forced to use their own deceased mounts as protection were now peaking over their makeshift cover. One of the magic users tried to make a run for the barricades, but narrowly avoided the barrage of acidic projectiles by diving to the floor. Her companions returned fire with their lightning tomes, managing to strike a few of the gluses with their assault if the shrieks of pain were anything to go by and allowing their companion to scramble back behind the fallen horses.

The sole comfort of the situation was that Inigo and the other crusaders would be safe where they were. No beast would go near their location while there was a breach in the barrier but even then, it still meant that every monstrosity within a mile radius would be converging on their location. Xander leaned past the barrier and pointed his blade in the general direction of the gluses and fire three beams of dark energy in said direction before leaning back behind the barricade and sighing wearily as the gluses return-fire slammed into the barricade with dull and heavy thuds.

"I don't suppose you can fix the barrier from here?" Xander asked Lucie, considering asking the strategists to just throw their staves over to them so they could fuel the repair tools.

"No, and even if I could I still have to finish inscribing the runes."

"Terrific." Xander sighed, his gaze drawn to a scream of agony from the stranded strategists as one of them failed to duck behind cover in time and had his arm struck with the acidic sludge.

"Hopefully Camilla's having a better evening than I am."

"I wonder if Xander's doing well. He's probably resting in Seine-Saint-Denis by now." Camilla thought to herself as she walked across the bridge to the Northern Fortress, almost unable to take her eyes off the sky. With the mountains surrounding the fortress preventing the mist from infesting the area the sky was clear to see. Of course, it wasn't all that much to look at; being nothing but green-tinted storm clouds blocking out the sun as far as the eye could see, but that was still infinitely preferable to endless goddamn mist.

"Your highness." The guards at the gate said, bowing deeply as she walked past them and straight towards the keep.

"You won't find Corrin in the keep Lady Camilla." A voice from behind her spoke. The lilac-haired princess turned around and found herself face to face with Jakob. "His dragon vein is manifesting, so he's confined himself to the dungeon for now."

"Oh! That's wonderful news! What's his affinity? Wait, no, don't tell me. I'll see for myself."

Jakob bowed deeply as the malig knight turned and started heading towards the dungeon. Camilla tried to put on a brave face and trick herself into being happy. Corrin had manifested his dragon vein! He was becoming an adult and his draconic heritage would ensure that they could spend several centuries together as a family, around nine hundred years if Iago's math was anything to go by and as much as Camilla detested the arrogant sorcerer, he was good enough at his job that she had no trouble believing his estimates.

But it also signified an end to the beautiful lie they'd spun around him; that he was a part of their family and a sibling of theirs by blood. They could lie to him about his heritage; the cover story was that he was half-Hoshidan after all. They could lie about his appearance; obviously, he took after his mother for his appearance and not all children resembled both parents.

But they couldn't lie to him about his affinity. If he was a member of the Hoshidan royal family, then he would manifest an affinity that had never been recorded in the entire history of the Merovingian family line and then what? The differing types of affinities between the two families had been well-documented by a Nestran history scholar and it was well within Corrin's ability to acquire her studies if he hadn't read them already.

As Camilla finally reached the entrance to the dungeon, she couldn't help but imagine how he would react and how their relationship would suffer. Would he hate her? She wanted to tell him the truth, she really did but Garon would never allow it. He'd have her head on a stake within moments. Fearfully, the princess turned the door knob and pushed, but the door didn't move. She pushed harder, but the door didn't budge an inch.

"Hrmph. Stuck."

Being nowhere near in the mood for such difficulties, Camilla took a deep breath and threw all of her strength and weight into the door, forcing it open.

"W-what…?"

It was then that the princess noticed that the door had been frozen shut by ice and snow, as well as the floating orbs of water that were continually freezing and melting. Snow fell from the roof and melted as it touched the floor before freezing again. Camilla reached out and caught one of the orbs of water as it froze and watched with awe as it melted in the palm of her hands, soaking her violet glove and coating it in a fine layer of frost.

"Water? His affinity is…water?"

The very first thought Camilla had was wondering how it was possible for his affinity to be water when the Nestran scholar's study concluded that the water affinity was exclusive to the Merovingian family line. The train of thought didn't go any further than that, however, before she felt an overwhelming sense of joy that the beautiful lie could limp on for a while longer, concealing the ugly truth that she never wanted to reveal or even acknowledge.

The princess started to shiver, the drastically lower temperature of the dungeon now taking effect on the malig knight. The princess responding by channeling her own affinity, the familiar and pleasing warmth spreading throughout her body rapidly and driving the chill from her body as the icy floor beneath her feet melted as she walked down the stair, sabatons clacking loudly against the stone and echoing throughout the building and as she rounded the corner, she saw both of Corrin's maids exit one of the cells.

"Lady Camilla." Flora said as the twins bowed deeply like everyone else had thus far, but not before her sister nearly tripped over her own feet. "Would you like to be alone with Lord Corrin?"

"I would."

She gauged the maid's reaction more out of habit than anything else, but she couldn't help but notice the quiet resentfulness in the blue-haired one's eyes. It was confusing at first, but then she remembered that Flora was the one who knew the truth of their situation. Camilla made a mental note to keep an eye on her in the future, who knew what she'd attempt in the future. But again, she'd think about that more latter. The princess walked to the cell that the two maids were just inside and smiled brightly as her eyes fell upon her beloved sibling.

"Corrin! It's been far too long!" the princess said joyfully, ignoring the brief surge of guilt over her acknowledgment that she hadn't been as diligent with her visits as she would've liked. But she was here now and that was all that mattered. Or at least that was what she told herself as she pulled the prince into a spine-crushing hug. "Oh I'm so happy to see you!"

"Cam-ack! Too tight! Too tight!" Corrin managed to wheeze in between desperate gasps for air. Camilla loosened her grip, but only so she could ruffle his hair and pull on his cheeks and cooing about how much he'd grown, even though it had only been a little more than two months since her last visit.

"So, how have you been sweetie? How's physio going? Oh, and your tome proficiency as well."

"They're both going…fine, I guess." he sighed wearily before sitting down on the bed, looking disturbingly melancholy for someone who was usually so happy to be visited.

"Is something wrong darling? You seem upset."

"Hmm? Not really, just thinking about stuff."

"Let me guess; it's about your longevity isn't it?"

That got his attention she noted, watching with slight amusement as he turned rapidly with surprise and confusion in his eyes. The prince asked the lilac-haired woman how she knew and was met with a light chuckle as she sat down next to him on the bed and pulled him into another, albeit far gentler hug.

"I was your age as well darling, as was Xander. Everything you're going through now is something we've already experienced. Now then, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"Mhmm." He hummed in agreement, albeit a little more hesitantly than she would've liked.

"Good. Now relax and tell big sister all about what troubles you."

"I'm terribly sorry milord. I should've been there to help you."

"The barrier was breached, Inigo. There was no way you could've been present without being at risk of developing Necroplasia."

"True, but I still feel bad for not being with you when I was needed. Guess I'll just have to pick up the slack next time, eh?" the navy-haired retainer chuckled and for a moment, Xander was able to forget the throbbing pain that surged through the entire right side of his face. Speaking of which…

"So, erm, Lord Xander?"

"Yes Inigo?"

"That's an awfully nasty bruise. What happened?"

"I was caught off guard by a carnifex."

Inigo chuckled somewhat smugly at that, remembering that Xander had specifically mentioned carnifexes during his warning about being prepared for an ambush by the wildlife. The retainer was just about to make a quip about irony, but Xander had obviously expected him to do so if his cut-off remark was anything to go by.

"Do I need to put you under house arrest again Inigo?"

"Erm, no milord. I don't think that's necessary."

"I thought so." Xander said, turning his head to conceal his amused smile. Well, half-smile at any rate, considering that the right side of his was face numb and swollen to the point of immobility. It helped hide his amusement to be sure, but it definitely wasn't worth the pain. Still, Seine-Saint-Denis should be close by and the prince was definitely looking forward to some R&R after the day he'd had.

Almost as soon as the thought occurred to him, the high-rising and heavily-fortified wall of Seine-Saint-Denis came into vision, the barrier deviating from the rigid lines of the road to circle the wall, the ramparts periodically lined with Fire Orbs to defend against the local fauna and potential invaders. The gate opened slowly as they approached and Xander sighed heavily, wanting nothing more than for the day to just end after several hours of fighting off the sickening abominations native to Nohr.

The gate slammed shut behind the soldiers with a heavy thud, but it brought no relief to anyone. They'd all lost comrades today; the Percheron Crusaders having lost their trusty steeds and the repair crew having lost far more than that. So when Xander noticed the marquis of the city had come to greet him personally, Xander felt nothing but cold resentment and a desire to punish this man to the fullest extent of the law.

"You and your companions can go, take some time to mourn. I'll handle this." The prince said to Lucie, who could only offer an empty smile and a nod in response before breaking away and heading down the street to the left. Xander watched her go sadly before his attention was drawn to the annoyance before him.

"Welcome to Seine-Saint-Denis your highness! It is my utmost pleasure to welcome you to my glorious cit-"

"There was a breach in the barrier outside your city, a breach that should've been your responsibility to fix." Xander started to say as he dismounted. "It has come to my attention that you have been using light magic for purposes other than maintenance of the barrier and treatment of potentially lethal injuries."

"But milord I-"

"My Percheron Crusaders lost thirteen horses as the result of a glus attack. You lost five of your own citizens to an undead wyvern, one to the same gluses, two to widowmakers and three to a carnifex. All because they didn't have the required resources to fix the breach as a direct result of your wasteful use of light magic."

"Bu-"

"You should be well aware, inappropriate use of light magic can carry a sentence of up to eight years in a labour camp. So you'd better have a very good reason for your wastefulness or else I will have you tried for negligence and misuse of Class-A resources."

"But that's where you're mistaken your highness. Light magic is no longer a Class A resource, as decreed by King Garon himself two months ago."

"You're wrong. I was not informed of such a change."

"Perhaps that's because his majesty has not announced the change publically as of yet. If you'll forgive me for proposing such a theory, I've heard the two of you have been butting heads as of late over policy, so perhaps he did not wish you to know."

Xander was stunned by this revelation; while he would not put it above his father to do such a thing given how much he'd changed over the years, especially considering that he hadn't returned from suppressing a rebellion in Burgundy until about a month ago, which would've allowed the king to make the necessary changes without him noticing. However, some small and naive part of the prince refused to believe such a thing without evidence. Garon was nothing if not pragmatic, so what possible reason could he have for making it legal to waste the rarest resource in the kingdom.

"Interesting. I don't suppose you'd have evidence to back up this claim."

"Of course! I didn't learn that you'd be arriving until after I dispatched the repair team, so I feared this would occur. Here's the decree by his majesty the king, sent out to every Nohrian noble and here's my monthly resource expenditure report, approved by the Department of Resources."

Xander took the paperwork out of the marquis' hands and started pouring over it almost obsessively, hoping that he could prove the marquis wrong. Unfortunately, as Xander read the paperwork presented to him, he began to realize that the marquis was right. From the royal decree that light magic was no longer a Class A resources, signed with King Garon's personal seal to the resource report which definitively proved that not only had he indicated all his uses of light magic but that the Department of Resources had found nothing to be wrong with his usage.

"I trust you'll find everything in order."

"Yes." The blonde paladin said plainly, unable to process the myriad of emotions flowing through him and handing the paperwork back to the marquis.

"Excellent! Now then, I'm afraid I have many important matters to attend to. If you have any further questions, just let me know and I will assist you however I can."

The marquis bowed briefly before turning on his heel and walking down the main road towards the City Council building, leaving Xander to contemplate what he'd learned. Inigo waited several seconds for Xander to give his orders or even react, but it seemed the prince was lost in his thoughts.

"Are you alright milord?"

"I'm fine Inigo." the blonde responded flatly, his emotionless tone not exactly reassuring.

"Hmm. Well this has been quite a hectic day, hasn't it? I wonder what the rest of the journey will be like."

Xander couldn't say for certain how the rest of his journey to Loreon would go, but the paladin had a cynical suspicion that it wouldn't be pleasant by any stretch of the imagination.

MISCELLANEOUS LORE

Necroplasia: A medical condition nearly exclusive to the nation of Nohr brought upon by over-exposure to dark magic, typically in its raw form. Early symptoms include hair loss, sallow and flaking skin and an increased appetite. Late-stage symptoms include sudden and rapid aging, loss of muscle mass, rotting of the gums and teeth and eventual death due to tumour growth on the heart, lungs and bone marrow, a fate so painful it is customary to euthanise those who begin to suffer from late-stage symptoms.

On to Chapter 3.

-"Ordre de la Couronne de Fer" Gratuitous French? Pourquoi, Monsieur Phillius? I think you should stick to the English translation.

-The beginning is a bit of a mess. For starters, a general of the army is recommending higher taxation of his own people rather than conquest. Calling him a general makes it sound like his position is strictly a military leader but he acts more like he's a feudal lord. And if his position is primarily has a military leader, why wouldn't he approve of military action? Later the guy refers to 'his' territory as vassal states but wouldn't that imply that they are managed by someone other than him? It doesn't sound like he owns the land as a lord. Why is Xander (and if this is intentional for Xander's characterization, forgive me) going on about the ethics of overworking their vassal states when they are about to conquer some other nations? If Nohr does have an overabundance of resources, why are they attacking these other nations?

-Is Camilla not overburdened in her work? Spymaster, soldier and feast coordinator sounds like a lot of work for one person.

-Lucie Babineaux's introduction is awkward. Saying "I'm so happy I could kiss you" to the crown prince is...absurd. Even considering personal quirks or her current predicament, she is speaking to royalty here. It's too out of place, even if it comes with an apology. After that she gives a remark about her academic accomplishments, which aren't really important to her situation. It seems to me, she only needs to give her name and position. Later she says "Goddamn…when they say you're the strongest warrior in the kingdom, they are not kidding." Again, speaking far too informally (and if she's from some prestigious magic school, she should be more than familiar with proper etiquette).

-The formatting could use some work. Scenes will change from one perspective to another without much space. Get some lines between scene changes.

-Maybe these are British spellings (I wouldn't know, I only speak AMERICAN) but I noticed a number of spelling mistakes. "Realised" instead of "realized", and other z -> s related changes. Also, there was a "here" which should have been "hear", somewhere in there.

-I said it before, but I think "blonde prince" and "lilac haired princess" are used too much. Don't be ashamed to use their names.

-As interesting as the setting is, it's hard to imagine people living in the hellscape that is Nohr, where a downed barrier would mean a population getting quickly overrun. How could they even spare the forces to invade other countries when their own country is so dangerous?

-Maybe this will be revealed later but why would Garon lift the restrictions on white magic regents if there wasn't a greater supply of them? The Marquis might not be breaking the law by his poor management of the resources but he's certainly an idiot for misusing resources that are the only things holding deadly monsters at bay.

-I'm starting to wonder what need there is for the "Odin's history book" framing device when so much of the story is told through flashbacks. The story sections with Camilla and Xander aren't written in the book, are they?

Edited by NekoKnight
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1. It feels out of character for him to say, even if they are code works to get into the fortress. I'm not imagining vampires, I'm imagining a frigidity housewife in an apron asking her neighbor for baking supplies. The 'must be let in thing' feels a little strange anyway. Being let in means that it's only by the owner's permission that you be allowed in, ie you don't have authority until they give it to you. Garon is the king of Nohr so there isn't a greater authority than him. It could work if it were a more wormy villain like Iago or Zola, it would be fitting, but Garon doesn't ask for anyone's permission.

M'kay, I'll try and think of something else.

2, The dictionary I was looking at for 'solar' said it was an upper chamber in someone's house, which fits how I've seen it in literature. 'Chamber' is also a more general term for a room, which could be anything from a bedroom to meeting hall.

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-"Ordre de la Couronne de Fer" Gratuitous French? Pourquoi, Monsieur Phillius? I think you should stick to the English translation.

I'm trying to go for a Dalish Elf thing; 'Nohrian' and 'Japanese' are the original language of the land while 'Dragontongue' is the universal language. Nohr and Hoshido remember bits and pieces of their original language, but the vast majority of it has been forgotten. Most of the dialogue will be English and then some French and Japanese for flavour.

The beginning is a bit of a mess. For starters, a general of the army is recommending higher taxation of his own people rather than conquest. Calling him a general makes it sound like his position is strictly a military leader but he acts more like he's a feudal lord. And if his position is primarily has a military leader, why wouldn't he approve of military action? Later the guy refers to 'his' territory as vassal states but wouldn't that imply that they are managed by someone other than him? It doesn't sound like he owns the land as a lord. Why is Xander (and if this is intentional for Xander's characterization, forgive me) going on about the ethics of overworking their vassal states when they are about to conquer some other nations? If Nohr does have an overabundance of resources, why are they attacking these other nations?

-He's trying to increase his own influence. They're invading said nation for a very rare resource, his land is one of the few areas with an abundance of said resource and not invading/delaying invasion increases his stranglehold on them.

-Nohr is a very heavily militarised/warrior culture. If you have a noble rank, you also have a military rank. He doesn't improve military action for the reason above i.e. trying to increase his personal power at the expense of the empire.

-Maybe I misused the term 'vassal state', but the relation is that the territory he owns isn't a part of Nohr, but is instead part of a nation conquered by Nohr and made part of the Nohrian Empire i.e. the state is a vassal to Nohr itself.

-It's part of Xander's characterisation (apology accepted XD). He sees the conquering as a necessary evil for the sake of Nohr's survival, but he makes a point of only ever being as 'evil' as he needs to be and has developed a reputation for being really anal about treating conquered nations humanely (implying that he benefits from the suffering of others is his berserk button by the way).

-Garon would say that their conquering and developing an overabundance of resources in preparation for an invasion of the Eastern half of the continent (the last one didn't go so well), but it's part of Anankos' plan to make everyone hate Nohr as much as possible. Also, the overabundance is because they're overworking the nations conquered to a ridiculous degree. If they were doing so at the normal rates, it'd be back to where they were before the last invasion of the East.

-Is Camilla not overburdened in her work? Spymaster, soldier and feast coordinator sounds like a lot of work for one person.

Yes she is and yes it is. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

-Lucie Babineaux's introduction is awkward. Saying "I'm so happy I could kiss you" to the crown prince is...absurd. Even considering personal quirks or her current predicament, she is speaking to royalty here. It's too out of place, even if it comes with an apology. After that she gives a remark about her academic accomplishments, which aren't really important to her situation. It seems to me, she only needs to give her name and position. Later she says "Goddamn…when they say you're the strongest warrior in the kingdom, they are not kidding." Again, speaking far too informally (and if she's from some prestigious magic school, she should be more than familiar with proper etiquette).

I will admit I kinda screwed the pooch on that one; she has a quirky personality, but I haven't explained what being a mage in Nohr entails yet. TL;DR, using/working with dark magic (even if done properly) does horrible things to one's mental health. It's not very healthy for the mind. Or the body. Or at all really...it's high risk, high reward stuff.

1. It feels out of character for him to say, even if they are code works to get into the fortress. I'm not imagining vampires, I'm imagining a frigidity housewife in an apron asking her neighbor for baking supplies. The 'must be let in thing' feels a little strange anyway. Being let in means that it's only by the owner's permission that you be allowed in, ie you don't have authority until they give it to you. Garon is the king of Nohr so there isn't a greater authority than him. It could work if it were a more wormy villain like Iago or Zola, it would be fitting, but Garon doesn't ask for anyone's permission.

2, The dictionary I was looking at for 'solar' said it was an upper chamber in someone's house, which fits how I've seen it in literature. 'Chamber' is also a more general term for a room, which could be anything from a bedroom to meeting hall.

On to Chapter 3.

-"Ordre de la Couronne de Fer" Gratuitous French? Pourquoi, Monsieur Phillius? I think you should stick to the English translation.

-The beginning is a bit of a mess. For starters, a general of the army is recommending higher taxation of his own people rather than conquest. Calling him a general makes it sound like his position is strictly a military leader but he acts more like he's a feudal lord. And if his position is primarily has a military leader, why wouldn't he approve of military action? Later the guy refers to 'his' territory as vassal states but wouldn't that imply that they are managed by someone other than him? It doesn't sound like he owns the land as a lord. Why is Xander (and if this is intentional for Xander's characterization, forgive me) going on about the ethics of overworking their vassal states when they are about to conquer some other nations? If Nohr does have an overabundance of resources, why are they attacking these other nations?

-Is Camilla not overburdened in her work? Spymaster, soldier and feast coordinator sounds like a lot of work for one person.

-Lucie Babineaux's introduction is awkward. Saying "I'm so happy I could kiss you" to the crown prince is...absurd. Even considering personal quirks or her current predicament, she is speaking to royalty here. It's too out of place, even if it comes with an apology. After that she gives a remark about her academic accomplishments, which aren't really important to her situation. It seems to me, she only needs to give her name and position. Later she says "Goddamn…when they say you're the strongest warrior in the kingdom, they are not kidding." Again, speaking far too informally (and if she's from some prestigious magic school, she should be more than familiar with proper etiquette).

-The formatting could use some work. Scenes will change from one perspective to another without much space. Get some lines between scene changes.

Copy-pasting kinda fucks with the format. There are line breaks between all scenes on the fan-fiction sites themselves though.

-Maybe these are British spellings (I wouldn't know, I only speak AMERICAN) but I noticed a number of spelling mistakes. "Realised" instead of "realized", and other z -> s related changes. Also, there was a "here" which should have been "hear", somewhere in there.

Typical Yank, so uncivilised. Yep, I'm an Aussie so I use British spelling. I have no excuse for the here/hear though. It seems grammerly has made me overconfident.

-I said it before, but I think "blonde prince" and "lilac haired princess" are used too much. Don't be ashamed to use their names.

I'll try. Just a bad habit of mine.

-As interesting as the setting is, it's hard to imagine people living in the hellscape that is Nohr, where a downed barrier would mean a population getting quickly overrun. How could they even spare the forces to invade other countries when their own country is so dangerous?

By being really, really good at keeping the barrier up and running. It only breaks about once a decade and most of those are minor holes anyway, which is saying something considering how much area it covers. Also, the major civilised areas aren't in that much danger themselves. The real danger would be being cut off from the rest of Nohr and the monsters would whittle away at them over time.

-Maybe this will be revealed later but why would Garon lift the restrictions on white magic regents if there wasn't a greater supply of them? The Marquis might not be breaking the law by his poor management of the resources but he's certainly an idiot for misusing resources that are the only things holding deadly monsters at bay.

It's sabotage by Anankos. Why weaken Nohr themself when they can promote selfish idiots into power and let them do it for them?

-I'm starting to wonder what need there is for the "Odin's history book" framing device when so much of the story is told through flashbacks. The story sections with Camilla and Xander aren't written in the book, are they?

The book and flashbacks are the framing device through which the evens of the game are explored, while the present day scenes focus on the messy aftermath. I just haven't gotten around to the present day stuff yet.

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Hey, I like all of these ideas and would incorporate most if I were to write a full fanfiction. At first I thought taking out Kamui's manakete abilities would be pretty significant but ultimately it's the human drama people like the most, right?

To include the manakete powers stuff I'd need to find a way to include Hydra, the IK and Kamui's origins. I thought about making the crown princes have the same power as they, or take it off completely and leave Kamui with just the dragon vein.

Also, if gameplay mechanics also count:

- Return with the Capture command (it could be called Subdue instead). I'd like to explore Kamui/Corrin's leniency toward the enemies, whoever they may be (Nohr or Hoshido). The player isn't simply going to play as they usually do and be treated as merciful because they didn't kill anyone offscreen and plot-gameplay segregation exists. Capturing/Subduing enemies leaves them unconscious instead of killing, which changes how characters interact with Kamui/Corrin in certain scenes and also changes the endgame. Kamui/Corrin could embrance a ruthless foreign conqueror persona or be more like [an stereotyped, cartoonized] Alexander the Great. *

* I just don't know how this would work out on enemy phases. Maybe killing soldiers wouldn't be an issue / could be treated as a plot-gameplay segregation thing, but Subduing "mini-bosses" and bosses instead of killing them would influence the story, even if the game becomes harder from taking such path (killing Takumi in chapter 9, or was it 10, and getting rid of him permanently, is much easier than letting him live and facing him three times).

and I guess that's it for now.

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I was going to leave Cornbread as Anankos' child but I was going instead give him these funky necromancy powers to semi-incorporate Phoenix Mode in-story. After some thought, I'm going to scrap the necromancy thing as well (or use it for some other unrelated AU) and give him the same physical characteristics—slit, red eyes; elongated canine teeth; advanced learning capabilities and comprehension; accelerated healing and a weakness wyrmslayers (and possibly lightning, like in PoR/RD)—but the thing that is the most important that was inherited is the degeneration that will gradually drive him mad.

I thought about making his sire a randy manakete—as they exist, albeit they are very, very sparse and do not interact with humanity often—but, then I remembered the whole DV thing, which is apparently how one is able to tell if someone legitimately has blood of either royal family.

Hm... I might just ignore it until it is relevant. Thinking about it reminds me of why I only 148 words of something written down.

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-He's trying to increase his own influence. They're invading said nation for a very rare resource, his land is one of the few areas with an abundance of said resource and not invading/delaying invasion increases his stranglehold on them.

-Nohr is a very heavily militarised/warrior culture. If you have a noble rank, you also have a military rank. He doesn't improve military action for the reason above i.e. trying to increase his personal power at the expense of the empire.

-Maybe I misused the term 'vassal state', but the relation is that the territory he owns isn't a part of Nohr, but is instead part of a nation conquered by Nohr and made part of the Nohrian Empire i.e. the state is a vassal to Nohr itself.

*If a history buff wants to disagree with me, here is your cue to step in*

I think the relationship between a feudal state and a vassal state would be that the vassal state provides military and/or material support (tributary state) to the main state. The vassal state itself would be technically foreigners and they would run most of their own affairs aside from giving the main state the things they ask for. Antoine could be the governor of this vassal state (being in charge of collecting their dues) but it would be an appointed position, not something he is born and entitled to. If this governor were not acting in the best interest of Nohr, Garon could just tell him to fuck off and appoint a new guy to manage the vassal state.

The relationship you are describing sounds more like a feudal province of Nohr that Antoine's family has owned and lived on for many years. In that case, he *could* try to consolidate his power because if the king tried to take his land away, he'd be risking civil war. I could be totally wrong about this but I don't think "vassal state" really fits what you want.

Concerning this guy's attitude towards military affairs, even if in secret he doesn't want Nohr to continue its conquest of their neighbors, it would probably be treasonous to state that he didn't support it. It's not like Garon is taking a show of hands to see how many support his military agenda. Imagine if you were a grocery store worker and your boss told you "Go stock the shelves" and your response was "I don't see a reason why aisle 7 needs restocking. MY aisle is abundant with food." For starters, it's not your place to disagree and you're also claiming ownership of something that doesn't really belong to you.

inb4 fanfic with Garon as the manager of a grocery store.

-It's part of Xander's characterisation (apology accepted XD). He sees the conquering as a necessary evil for the sake of Nohr's survival, but he makes a point of only ever being as 'evil' as he needs to be and has developed a reputation for being really anal about treating conquered nations humanely (implying that he benefits from the suffering of others is his berserk button by the way).

I think there is a incompatible blend of ancient and modern values here. By ancient values, I could understand Xander justifying an invasion as supporting his home state. It's largely a pragmatic mindset that uses a "us vs them" mentality to justify what would be barbaric by modern standards. But that's the problem, Xander has ancient pragmatic values for conquering but not for the treatment of the conquered. His moral indignation of the treatment of peoples (the vassal states) who aren't even Nohrian is very modern sounding. I worry that the act of conquest isn't going to be treated with the moral severity it's due and Xander will be portrayed as a well meaning hero. Conquest involves going to another country, murdering a lot of their people, subjugating them and stealing their stuff. Not exactly heroic.

In summary, you can have a Xander who has ancient values and doesn't give a fuck about the rights or happiness of non-Nohrians, or you can give him a modern set of values, that would probably make him in opposition to the conquest of other nations.

I will admit I kinda screwed the pooch on that one; she has a quirky personality, but I haven't explained what being a mage in Nohr entails yet. TL;DR, using/working with dark magic (even if done properly) does horrible things to one's mental health. It's not very healthy for the mind. Or the body. Or at all really...it's high risk, high reward stuff.

It's official, dark magic gives you autism. I don't care what these college educated mages say, I'm using home remedies for my children.

By being really, really good at keeping the barrier up and running. It only breaks about once a decade and most of those are minor holes anyway, which is saying something considering how much area it covers. Also, the major civilised areas aren't in that much danger themselves. The real danger would be being cut off from the rest of Nohr and the monsters would whittle away at them over time.

Just out of curiosity, what are the Gluses and Carnifex exactly? I'm imagining the Mogalls (sacred stones) and the Carnifex Demon from MTG, but I wonder what you had in mind,

To include the manakete powers stuff I'd need to find a way to include Hydra, the IK and Kamui's origins. I thought about making the crown princes have the same power as they, or take it off completely and leave Kamui with just the dragon vein.

Also, if gameplay mechanics also count:

- Return with the Capture command (it could be called Subdue instead). I'd like to explore Kamui/Corrin's leniency toward the enemies, whoever they may be (Nohr or Hoshido). The player isn't simply going to play as they usually do and be treated as merciful because they didn't kill anyone offscreen and plot-gameplay segregation exists. Capturing/Subduing enemies leaves them unconscious instead of killing, which changes how characters interact with Kamui/Corrin in certain scenes and also changes the endgame. Kamui/Corrin could embrance a ruthless foreign conqueror persona or be more like [an stereotyped, cartoonized] Alexander the Great. *

* I just don't know how this would work out on enemy phases. Maybe killing soldiers wouldn't be an issue / could be treated as a plot-gameplay segregation thing, but Subduing "mini-bosses" and bosses instead of killing them would influence the story, even if the game becomes harder from taking such path (killing Takumi in chapter 9, or was it 10, and getting rid of him permanently, is much easier than letting him live and facing him three times).

and I guess that's it for now.

I don't think you need Hydra and IK to justify the manakete powers. Since all the royals have dragon vein, you could say the manakete transformation is just a rare genetic occurrence in their family line.

I like the capture idea. It would be neat if in Fire Emblem maps there were some named but otherwise unimportant enemies you could capture and ransom for money. The sons of lords and such. Another idea for a more realistic but merciful Kamui would be that he tries to capture the enemy commander to force his troops to surrender. I'll take that over "I managed to avoid killing all those people I impaled on my lance."

Edited by NekoKnight
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*If a history buff wants to disagree with me, here is your cue to step in*

I think the relationship between a feudal state and a vassal state would be that the vassal state provides military and/or material support (tributary state) to the main state. The vassal state itself would be technically foreigners and they would run most of their own affairs aside from giving the main state the things they ask for. Antoine could be the governor of this vassal state (being in charge of collecting their dues) but it would be an appointed position, not something he is born and entitled to. If this governor were not acting in the best interest of Nohr, Garon could just tell him to fuck off and appoint a new guy to manage the vassal state.

The relationship you are describing sounds more like a feudal province of Nohr that Antoine's family has owned and lived on for many years. In that case, he *could* try to consolidate his power because if the king tried to take his land away, he'd be risking civil war. I could be totally wrong about this but I don't think "vassal state" really fits what you want.

Yeah, it just looks like I misused the term. Upon further googling, the relationship I describe is more akin to that of a mix between tributary state (paying tribute to Nohr) and an occupation (leaders at most levels are supplanted by Nohrian ones) rather than a vassal state. Anyway, Antoine's land is part of that of a tributary state given to him by the Duke who is tasked with overseeing the entire tributary state. It goes:

King- Ruler of the entire Nohrian empire.

Duke- Rules an entire tributary state and answers to the King

Marquis- Rules a province of a tributary state that is assigned to them by the Duke of said state.

Earl/Viscount/Baron- Rule over the individual townships/castles of a Marquis' province. Title varies depending on the size of the populace they rule.

The tasks of the nobles have changed over the 10+ years since the mess with the concubines. Originally, the nobles simply oversee the running of the local officials, making sure tribute is paid, making sure that their actions/policy do not interfere with Nohrian interests and sometimes calling in soldiers to squash a rebellion. Since the concubine wars, it's become more like a a full on occupation i.e. local leaders and guards are replaced by Nohrian ones. Antoine for example, merely supervised a local leader in the past but has since taken over the role of leader for his province.

Concerning this guy's attitude towards military affairs, even if in secret he doesn't want Nohr to continue its conquest of their neighbors, it would probably be treasonous to state that he didn't support it. It's not like Garon is taking a show of hands to see how many support his military agenda. Imagine if you were a grocery store worker and your boss told you "Go stock the shelves" and your response was "I don't see a reason why aisle 7 needs restocking. MY aisle is abundant with food." For starters, it's not your place to disagree and you're also claiming ownership of something that doesn't really belong to you.

That's done deliberately i.e. the fact that he can mouth off like that without much subtly demonstrates how bad Nohr's political landscape has gotten. Garon himself controlled the courts pretty well and, in your own words, would've told him to fuck off and replaced him because he cared about the well-being of his nation. Anankos meanwhile, only cares about using Nohr to serve his own goals and couldn't care less about what happens on a day-to-day basis, so the various nobles are now operating with very little oversight. Xander and Camilla have authority to punish individually, but only if the individual in question messes up really badly and they can't enact any widespread changes because they don't have that level of authority, so the only rules being enforced for the nobles are the ones they set themselves. The fact that Anankos also puts the most selfish idiots he can find in positions of power certainly doesn't help.

I think there is a incompatible blend of ancient and modern values here. By ancient values, I could understand Xander justifying an invasion as supporting his home state. It's largely a pragmatic mindset that uses a "us vs them" mentality to justify what would be barbaric by modern standards. But that's the problem, Xander has ancient pragmatic values for conquering but not for the treatment of the conquered. His moral indignation of the treatment of peoples (the vassal states) who aren't even Nohrian is very modern sounding. I worry that the act of conquest isn't going to be treated with the moral severity it's due and Xander will be portrayed as a well meaning hero. Conquest involves going to another country, murdering a lot of their people, subjugating them and stealing their stuff. Not exactly heroic.

In summary, you can have a Xander who has ancient values and doesn't give a fuck about the rights or happiness of non-Nohrians, or you can give him a modern set of values, that would probably make him in opposition to the conquest of other nations.

Xander himself has a very modern mindset; he doesn't approve of much of Nohrian 'I did what I had to do' attitude, but the conquering is so vital to Nohr's survival that he can't simply refuse to do it. Xander's personal conflict is the struggle between the modern values that he believes in and the ancient values that he despises intensly, but are necessary for the benefit of Nohr and doing what he needs to do for the sake of his country (albeit reluctantly), but trying to do as much good as he can reasonably get away with.

It's part of the in-universe values dissonance I'm trying to set up. Nohr does these things because it has to and doesn't have the means or capacity to move past their current methods, which most other nations (especially Hoshido) fail to grasp. But on the other hand, while Nohr is largely 'doing what they have to do', it doesn't change the fact that 'what they have to do' is still barbaric and abhorrent. So while Xander sees himself as the well meaning hero and champion of the people, rebelling against the system and most Nohrian characters would agree, all the other nations see is a glory-seeking warmonger who, like you said, murders a lot of people, subjugates them and steals their stuff and tries to paint himself as the good guy while doing so. Both sides have a point, but none of them are entirely right either.

It's supposed to come across in Xander's idea on justice; no longer 'justice is an illusion' but more 'justice cannot exist as a singular ideal because everyone has different ideas on what justice is based on different contexts, cultural values and personal experiences'.

It's official, dark magic gives you autism. I don't care what these college educated mages say, I'm using home remedies for my children

It's the mercury I tell ya!

The gist is that the mental affection of dark magic is that it exaggerates personality traits for the worst. Mistrustful becomes paranoid schizophrenia, anger issues become uncontrollable, explosive rage leading to violence, active imagination becomes psychosis etc.

Just out of curiosity, what are the Gluses and Carnifex exactly? I'm imagining the Mogalls (sacred stones) and the Carnifex Demon from MTG, but I wonder what you had in mind

Gluses are a shout-out to a monster of the same name from a fantasy novel I read when I was little (Deltora Quest). It's kind of a slug-monster that shots goop that hardens like cement within seconds, only this time around it's acidic. They're also smaller, about large dog-sized instead of being gigantic. Here's an image:

BrilWqLCYAAGeeo.jpg

[spoiler=Carnifex]

FE14_Blight_Dragon_(Garon).jpg

Not even joking, they're Garon's 'blight dragon' form. The actual Blight Dragons look like FE4 Loptyr, so I don't see why not. Needless to say, these guys are the apex predators now that the Blight Dragons aren't around.

Edited by Phillius
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That's done deliberately i.e. the fact that he can mouth off like that without much subtly demonstrates how bad Nohr's political landscape has gotten. Garon himself controlled the courts pretty well and, in your own words, would've told him to fuck off and replaced him because he cared about the well-being of his nation. Anankos meanwhile, only cares about using Nohr to serve his own goals and couldn't care less about what happens on a day-to-day basis, so the various nobles are now operating with very little oversight. Xander and Camilla have authority to punish individually, but only if the individual in question messes up really badly and they can't enact any widespread changes because they don't have that level of authority, so the only rules being enforced for the nobles are the ones they set themselves. The fact that Anankos also puts the most selfish idiots he can find in positions of power certainly doesn't help.

If Ananoks has a hate boner for Nohr, wouldn't it just be simpler to destroy all those magical barriers and let everything be swallowed by monsters? And if he needs to to crush the other kingdoms, shouldn't he focus on making Nohr as strong as it can be and THEN destroying Nohr from within?

Xander himself has a very modern mindset; he doesn't approve of much of Nohrian 'I did what I had to do' attitude, but the conquering is so vital to Nohr's survival that he can't simply refuse to do it. Xander's personal conflict is the struggle between the modern values that he believes in and the ancient values that he despises intensly, but are necessary for the benefit of Nohr and doing what he needs to do for the sake of his country (albeit reluctantly), but trying to do as much good as he can reasonably get away with.

It's part of the in-universe values dissonance I'm trying to set up. Nohr does these things because it has to and doesn't have the means or capacity to move past their current methods, which most other nations (especially Hoshido) fail to grasp. But on the other hand, while Nohr is largely 'doing what they have to do', it doesn't change the fact that 'what they have to do' is still barbaric and abhorrent. So while Xander sees himself as the well meaning hero and champion of the people, rebelling against the system and most Nohrian characters would agree, all the other nations see is a glory-seeking warmonger who, like you said, murders a lot of people, subjugates them and steals their stuff and tries to paint himself as the good guy while doing so. Both sides have a point, but none of them are entirely right either.

It's supposed to come across in Xander's idea on justice; no longer 'justice is an illusion' but more 'justice cannot exist as a singular ideal because everyone has different ideas on what justice is based on different contexts, cultural values and personal experiences'.

"All the other nations see is a warmonger who murders a lot of people, subjugates them and steals their stuff". I mean, regardless of Xander's personal feelings on the matter, isn't that the truth? "Well, i felt bad while razing your country to the ground" doesn't really mean much to the afflicted parties. You say both sides "have a point" but from an objective viewpoint, Nohr has the lowest moral standing.

"Justice is just an illusion" is pretty much the exact same thing as "justice cannot exist as a singular ideal". It's all moral relativism.

I'll reserve judgement until you've put out more writing but your Xander sounds an awful lot like Nohrrin.

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If Ananoks has a hate boner for Nohr, wouldn't it just be simpler to destroy all those magical barriers and let everything be swallowed by monsters? And if he needs to to crush the other kingdoms, shouldn't he focus on making Nohr as strong as it can be and THEN destroying Nohr from within?

I wanna explain, but I don't wanna spoil to much. If you don't mind, I'd like to wait until latter before touching this.

"All the other nations see is a warmonger who murders a lot of people, subjugates them and steals their stuff". I mean, regardless of Xander's personal feelings on the matter, isn't that the truth? "Well, i felt bad while razing your country to the ground" doesn't really mean much to the afflicted parties. You say both sides "have a point" but from an objective viewpoint, Nohr has the lowest moral standing.

"Justice is just an illusion" is pretty much the exact same thing as "justice cannot exist as a singular ideal". It's all moral relativism.

I'll reserve judgement until you've put out more writing but your Xander sounds an awful lot like Nohrrin.

First of all, how dare you.

Would it make you feel better if I said that Xander + sibs are making plans to kill Garon and try to make peace with Hoshido? Because food trade with Hoshido would mean that they wouldn't need to occupy most of the nations they conquered?

For what it's worth though, you're not wrong persay. I'm trying to make Xander 'Nohrrin done right'. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Edited by Phillius
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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Upon further googling, the relationship I describe is more akin to that of a mix between tributary state (paying tribute to Nohr) and an occupation (leaders at most levels are supplanted by Nohrian ones) rather than a vassal state. Anyway, Antoine's land is part of that of a tributary state given to him by the Duke who is tasked with overseeing the entire tributary state. It goes:

King- Ruler of the entire Nohrian empire.

Duke- Rules an entire tributary state and answers to the King

Marquis- Rules a province of a tributary state that is assigned to them by the Duke of said state.

Earl/Viscount/Baron- Rule over the individual townships/castles of a Marquis' province. Title varies depending on the size of the populace they rule.

The tasks of the nobles have changed over the 10+ years since the mess with the concubines. Originally, the nobles simply oversee the running of the local officials, making sure tribute is paid, making sure that their actions/policy do not interfere with Nohrian interests and sometimes calling in soldiers to squash a rebellion. Since the concubine wars, it's become more like a a full on occupation i.e. local leaders and guards are replaced by Nohrian ones. Antoine for example, merely supervised a local leader in the past but has since taken over the role of leader for his province.

This looks pretty interesting, though I wonder, which order does the titles go in reletion to the size? Is Earl for smallest, then Viscount and finally Baron or the other way around?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Fresh off the presses, a new support conversation! It often bothered me how indifferent people are to Kamui's dragon heritage, and Kanna's personality needs more depth so I decided to fix both with one stone three stones, technically. Constructive criticism is welcome.

I'm also working on a Ryoma x Scarlet support that's proving to be challenging.

[spoiler=Kamui x Kanna C-A]

C Rank

Kanna: It must be around here somewhere... Maybe this pocket? Where-

Kamui: Ah, there you are, Kanna.

Kanna: F-father!?

Kamui: Kanna, why are you going through my bag?

Kana: I wasn't! I was just...

Kamui: Kanna...

Kanna: I wanted to look at your dragon stone. I'm sorry...I should have asked you first.

Kamui: Why did you want to see it so badly?

Kanna: Because I was curious. I grew up thinking I was like other children but then suddenly I changed into that...creature. Why didn't you tell me sooner that I wasn't human?

Kamui: I never knew my real parents, so I didn't know you'd inherit my draconic power. Everything came as a shock to me too. I guess I hoped you wouldn't be like me so you could live a normal life. Perhaps that was a naive wish...

Kanna: Father...

Kamui: I asked Azura about the dragon stone. She told me that dragons of the past age would contain a portion of their souls in the stone in order to change form at will. But even Azura seemed uncertain. It seems there are more legends about dragonkind than there is scholarship.

Kanna: So no one knows what we are? Am I really alone in the world?

Kamui: As long as I'm here, you will never be alone. Come and talk to me if something is bothering you.

Kanna: Thank you father. I will.

B Rank

Kamui: Where has that daughter of mine run off to now? She must get her willfulness from her mother...

Kanna: Father! Look at this!

Kamui: Kanna! Where have you been! I've been searching for you for hours. What's that book you're carrying?

Kanna: I heard there was a caravan with a renown scholar passing through town. He loaned me this book. I just had to know!

Kamui: "The Dragon Wars and the Ascension of Humanity." I didn't know you had such a passion for history.

Kanna: Not just 'history', dragons! Haven't you ever wanted to know more about where we came from?

Kamui: I've pondered it from time to time but with things so busy-

Kanna: It says in the book that when the dragons waged war on each other, they began to succumb to a sickness. The more they used their powers, the faster their minds degenerated. Eventually they became nothing more than beasts blinded by rage.

Kamui: Dragon sickness... I see.

Kanna: Is this going to be our fate too!?

Kamui: Calm down, Kanna. There is no proof that dragons and humans imbued with dragon blood are exactly the same.

Kanna: But the sickness was said to affect all of the dragons. Every single one! It could happen to us any day!

Kamui: I realize now that I was selfish to ask you to fight alongside us. Kanna, stop using your dragon stone.

Kanna: But if you had to use your dragon stone twice as much just because I was afraid... I could never forgive myself.

Kamui: You're my daughter. Your happiness is more important to me than anything you could provide on the battlefield. I won't force you to do something that compromises that.

Kanna: No, I can't watch my friends and family go off to war and sit idly by. I'll support you in any way I can.

Kamui: I see. Don't overdo it Kanna.

A Rank

Kanna: Father...

Kamui: Are you still thinking about the dragon sickness?

Kanna: Father, if I ever lose my mind to the sickness and become a threat to you or Mother, please kill me.

Kamui: Kanna! How could you say such a horrible thing!?

Kanna: Before my first transformation, I had dreams of changing into a dragon. The real thing was just like the dreams. I could see and feel everything that was happening but I wasn't in control of my body. The rage clouded my mind and I was powerless to resist. Even now I can feel the rage burning inside me like a small ember waiting to become an inferno. I...don't want to hurt anyone. You can't let that happen!

Kamui: Get a hold of yourself Kanna! You've changed into a dragon many times now and you come back every time. I don't believe for a second you would ever hurt your family or your friends.

Kanna: But I'm afraid!

Kamui: My child, often are we born into cruel circumstances. We face many trials and hardships but we find strength and courage in each other. Rather than worry about the unknown, let's look for the truth ourselves. After this war is over, you and I will search for every text on dragons we can find. If there really is a risk of dragon sickness, we'll find the cure. I'm sure of it.

Kanna: R-really?

Kamui: Absolutely. You don't need to be afraid. No matter what our fate is, we'll face it together.

Kanna: *sobs* Thank you, Father... If you're with me, I think I can be brave.

Edited by NekoKnight
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  • 1 year later...
On 11/25/2015 at 11:56 PM, NekoKnight said:

1. What routes are you working on? Is it an amalgamation of all three? Is it an alternate universe style retelling?

It is an AU of the Revelations plot. It will go through a total of 2 to 3 arcs.

 

2. What notable changes would you make to the plot?

Essentially, there will be major changes to the villains mostly, and who sides with who. The most obvious one is that Azura is going to be a major antagonist this time around, and directly serving Anankos.

  • Are problematic elements (the curse, the magic throne, the crystal ball, operation tears, Nohr and Hoshido being too black and white, everything Aqua does) going to be addressed?

  •  
  • The issues of the Vallite curse are going to be reworked this time around. In this fic, I’m going to have it that King Cadros, in a desperate attempt to seal Anankos, had gathered his most powerful mages to cast a seal upon Anankos.

  • Until the end of time would Anankos be sealed in Valla, as would the kingdom be sealed as well. The only people that could enter were Vallites themselves, and thus, only the royal family could unlock the bonds on Anankos.

  • Not only must they have royal blood, but they also must obtain a large amount of quintessence, the cultivation of every being.

  • You see, when a person dies, their quintessence is released back into the world. (Like in Fe7)

  •  
  • Anankos, (like Nergal in some ways), requires more quintessence to receive his full power and break the chains that restrict him to Valla, and with someone one of royal blood helping him to do so.

 

 

  • Are there any themes to be communicated over each route?

 

  • If there were to be an overarching theme in the story, it would be the struggle of doing the “right” thing, even if the right thing may seem demonic by nature.

  • Another theme I plan to tackle is about whether emotions are necessary to humans, and whether they cause more harm or good. Whether we would accomplish more if we shed what made us “human”.

  • What is the overall direction and "point" of each route?

  • There are going to be a total of 2, and a possible third arc. Arc 1 is going to be about drawing the war to a close and bringing peace between the nations. The second arc is going to mainly focus on both kingdom's efforts to stop the new, emerging threat of Anankos.

3. What notable changes would you make to the characters?

  • What is Kamui all about (background, personality, abilities)?

 

  • Kamui is going to start out as a relatively naive character. Extremely upbeat and positive, brimming with energy, and has a bit of sass to her as well. In fact, she really won’t have any fantastic abilities in combat to start with either. She’ll be a mediocre leader as well.

  • So in general, she starts out like regular Kamui in a lot of ways.

  •  
  • However, as time passes throughout the story, she will generally begin to mature and grow into her role as leader of the effort for peace. She’ll become a bit more modest and focused in her efforts, though she’ll still manage to keep that bit of sass and childlike vibrance in her personality.

  • Things are pretty similar to the games at this point. Until she ages to 11, she closely bonds with her Hoshidan family and becomes a part of the royal family, but she is kidnapped by Garon and taken to Nohr.

  • There, Garon orders Iago to remove her memories of Hoshido, which is a long and painful process for Corrin. For 10 days did she spend in that dark dungeon, her mind feeling splintered afterward. She forgot the procedure though, and what had happened to her father on that day she was captured as well.

  • She was naught but a shell of herself afterward, her eyes glassy, and her body unmoving. Out of concern and pity, the Nohrian family had started to care for her and spend time with her.

  • Eventually, Kamui grew out of her tortured mind state as she began to bond with them, forming an especially close relationship with Leo, Elise, and her butler Jakob.

  • From there, things would progress normally through the plot, until she reached the age of 17.

  • As time had passed in her time throughout Nohr, Kamui had been having strange dreams about her time in Hoshido. However, no one would give her an answer for why she was having such dreams. Not her brothers and sisters, nor her butler would give her a straight answer.

  • This egged her on even further, and soon she began to remember. Remember her time at Hoshido, remember her father's death, and remember the torture Garon and Iago put her through.

  • She becomes angry at those who had kept such secrets from her, and demanded answers from her siblings, now stating that they had betrayed her trust. She even had the audacity to challenge Garon, stating that what he had done was wrong and immoral. For that, he had lashed out at her, slapping her face hard as he reminded him of her place to him.

  •  
  • This had been the final straw for Kamui. She had eventually given in to her curiosity, and ventured to Hoshido. And that is where our journey begins.  

  • What is Aqua all about (personality, role in the plot)?

 

  • Now, I would suppose it would be time to bring up the major difference in the room. That being Azura. Though I would be remiss if I started discussing her, without describing a new OC that would be very important to her backstory.

 

  • Dylan was but a simple boy in a local village near Krakenburg. King Garon’s harsh rule and desperate attempts to have everyone conform to his new will had gone poorly, and the people revolted. Thus, he ordered a squadron of his knights to raid the village and kill all of the men, leaving the women and children to be taken to his castle.

  • Garon, however, only brought them in as test subjects, now realizing that a war with Hoshido was imminent. He wanted to assure his victory in the war...He wanted to breed a powerful weapon he could use.

  • And the blood that was gifted to him from the “Great Dragon” was sure to make his weapon.

  • He then placed the people in his dungeons, and tasked Iago with experimenting on them with the dragon’s blood.

  • Some, had horrible results. They died, screaming in utter agony.

  • All but one boy survived the experiments. A young boy named Dylan.

  • He himself had finally became what Iago and Garon desired, the first manufactured dragon. Though, his form was different. His body had become warped in several places, and his mind had refused to progress past that of his younger years.

  • His transformations would grant him a large sum of strength, and yet they would deteriorate his mind until he regressed into a savage beast.

  • He was erased from Nohrian records, and promptly moved out of Nohr, abandoned and alone.

  • He had eventually made his way to Hoshido, where he was able to live his days in a relative exile, though he still bore the Hoshidans rumors about him day after day.

  • He would be ignored and mistreated by the Hoshidans, who would see him as a strange boy with even stranger powers. And this is how he came across someone that would change his life forever.

 

  • And thus, he finds a blue haired girl, crying to herself on the side of a ditch, with multiple injuries and a few scattered stones around her.

  • This girl is Azura.

 

  • Azura in this fic, would have been separated from her mother, who died during the defense of Valla after suddenly leaving Nohr to protect her birthplace. Thus, Azura is left in the only nation that would accept her, which is the kingdom of Nohr. Though, Azura begins to realize that the people had always hated her mother. The countless concubines that Garon had all held contempt and hatred for Arete, who had been the second queen after Katarina.

  • Essentially in this story, Azura would have been never treated well by the Nohrians or Hoshidans, their citizens treating her like she was a bane on the world itself.  Her Nohrian siblings had ignored her, due to the general hatred Arete people had, due to her marrying Garon but returning to Valla soon afterward.

  • Thus, they labeled her a demon spawn, and the concubines of this era saw her as a threat to the throne. So, they told their sons and daughters, like Leo, Camilla, and Xander to ignore her completely and not socialize with her under any circumstances. For 9 years, Azura lived a life of pain and sadness.

  • This is only accentuated when Corrin is brought into Nohr. Those small months before Azura was taken away to Hoshido, she sees the Nohrian siblings open up to Corrin, but not to her. They once again ignore her, and there were no search parties made for her when she disappeared into Hoshido.

  •  
  • And her time in Hoshido was no different. Only at the age of 11, she is subjected to such torture.  While her Hoshido siblings certainly were less cruel in that regard, the people were not. They labeled her as Nohrian Scum, calling her terrible things like...

  • "Nohrian slut...Wench...."

  • The insults were endless. They never stopped coming, and in Azura's mind, her siblings never stopped the citizens either. They would always make an excuse of some kind. Azura had finally had enough one day.

  • When a soldier kicked her to the ground, she retaliated. There were reports of numerous stab wounds on the man, even past his death.

  •  
  • The kind warm stares she received from Hinoka and Ryoma abruptly ended as they heard of what she did, and they had banished her to a remote shrine near a lake, and away from the people.

 

 

  • Abandoned and forgotten, she is forced to live a life of despair.

 

  • Thus, dark feelings start to take root in her heart. She slowly begins to curse and hate those that have abandoned her, and she begins to despise the very world itself. Though she does find one kind soul, one person that might change that.

  • His name was Dylan.

  • He felt Azura's pain and knew what she was going through, to an extent. He merely just wanted to make her feel better, so he hung out with her everyday to make sure she wasn't lonely.

  • Thus, they developed a close relationship, though that relationship started to crack after a few years.

  • Dylan was a pacifist and never believed in vengeance and such. He and Azuar would argue about these subjects often. Though as time went on, the fights turned from small to big, and often ended with Azura leaving the shrine screaming at Dylan, saying that he was "siding with them", or that he was "weak".

  •  
  • Eventually, after a huge argument, Azura comes across the spring near her shrine. She is now 17 years old. She is despairing over the fact that Dylan doesn't see her point of view.

  • She sees a ripple in the water, getting into it for a moment.

  • She recalls a song she used to hear her mother sing, and a gate to Valla opens up. She walks through it and manages to be contacted by Anankos. Anankos then proclaims himself as Azura's true father and manipulates her into joining him.

  • He plays her like a violin, using her dark feelings and already growing insanity against her.

  • Thus, she begins to serve him and only him, out of her "love" for her father.

 

 

  • Azura then is given a choice by Anankos. He knows of a way for Dylan to see her way, and for him to not be eliminated.

  •  
  • Azura readily agrees, and she heads over to Dylan. She then tells him that...

  • "We'll be together soon, I promise. You don't need to worry about anything else darling...."

  • "It might be scary now...But soon it will all be over, and we can come back together again..."

 

  • A lance then goes through his heart as he crumples to the floor, and soon is reanimated as one of Anankos's soldiers.

  •  
  • What are the Hoshidan and Nohrian siblings all about (personalities, roles in the plot)?

  •  
  • Ryoma

  • Ryoma would play out a similar way to most of the royals, being the main leader of the Hoshidan forces. While he himself is not outright racist towards Nohrians, he still contains a deep hatred for them. He often will blame them, as many Hoshidans do, for the calamity that befalls them and the world. He does label them as Nohrian beasts or dogs, stating that all they know is war and violence.

  •  
  • There will be little difference between his canon version and this version though.

  •  
  • The same can be said for Xander as well, as I feel that they already get a lot of spotlight already.

  •  
  • Camilla

  •  
  • In this fic, while the character might be the same, I am planning to put a bit more emphasis on the female royal units.

  • Camilla, will of course, still be obsessive about keeping stability and order within her family, taking the role of the overbearing mother. Obviously, like many good FE theorists say, Camilla obviously does this to make up for the fact that her mother had only used her as a pawn to get closer to King Garon.

  • However, when Kamui begins to act out more, asking question after question about her life in Hoshido, Camilla tries to shut down her questions. She wants to keep that stability going, as it is the only thing keeping HER stability going.

  •  
  • Things only escalate when Kamui starts to hound her father, and eventually gets put down by it. And eventually when Kamui escapes to Hoshido, Camilla begins to lose her grip on her sanity. Her own guilt crashes in on herself, drowning her in depression. She blames herself for why Kamui had turned against them, choosing to side with nobody.

  •  
  • Leo

  • Leo himself will have an interesting relationship with Kamui. The two would often disagree a lot on how one would wish to rule a kingdom. Leo prefers a ruling system that gets results and is stable, and Kamui prefers one were the people are happy.

  • Often, though Leo is the younger of the two, he often teases and makes snide remarks about Kamui’s relatively naive nature and childish antics.

  • Kamui gets upset at this, but she typically let’s it go after a few seconds.

  •  
  • Though they bicker at times, Leo and Corrin hold the strongest bond with one another, just as they both do with Elise. I suppose you could say that they as younger siblings are closer than with Camilla and Xander.

 

 

 

  • What is Garon, Mikoto, Lilith or any other important character all about?

  • Garon will largely play the same role as the canon game, however, he is the one true Garon still. And though he still comes off as cold to his children, he is sympathetic to all of his children aside from Corrin, of whom he perceives as unworthy of his family name.

 

 

  • What is Hydra all about (role in the plot)?

  • Anankos is still the major boss and puppet master of the events. His goal is to release the binds that have been placed on him, and the only way to do that is with quintessence, and a Vallite royal, which he already has in the form of Azura. That is why he subtly influences others to further the war efforts and make it continue, rather than stop.

  • What changes will be made to minor characters

  • I plan on bringing more significance to the Hoshidan characters like Hana, perhaps having all people in Hoshido under a certain class have the same master. Like perhaps Ryoma and Hana trained under the same man or woman?

  •  
  •  

4. What notable changes would you make to the setting?

  • What ideas do you have for world building?

  • I intend to have more emphasis on the middle kingdoms, such as Izumo, Mokushu, Cykrensia, and Nestra. They will play into the politics of the countries heavily, with some allying with a nation, and some banding together to fight both.

  • What kind of history does this continent have?

  • What is the balance of natural and supernatural elements?

  • Are the Faceless and invisible enemies in your story?

  • The Faceless are being edited out of the story, but invisible enemies are going to continue throughout it.

5. Do any characters die?

Actually yes, a lot frankly. While in the first Arc, character death will be at a minimum, aside from possibly one person, the second Arc is a whole different story. All in all, it will take a much darker tone, and as such, the ending will have multiple...and possibly all the main units dying. Only a few may end up surviving against Anankos.

6. Do you introduce any new characters?

Yes. There are going to be a total of 4 new characters. 3 are Hoshidan characters, and 1 is a new villain.

Kaguya- Samurai

A close confidant and trusted friend to Ryoma. Both have trained under Asami, along with Hana as well during their younger years. She is loyal to a fault, stubborn, and dedicated but easily flustered. She is also fierce rivals with Hana, whom she has held a grudge with for many years.

Asami- Swordmaster

A quiet and strict master of the sword. Hailing from the destroyed village of Kohga, Asami is a feared and renowned swordfighter, only matching in skill with Sumeragi. she had been asked to teach his son and his people her ways, and she reluctantly agreed. She has currently taught 3 students, and finds Kaguya to be the most adept with the skill. She secretly hopes for the day to confront Kotaro and end his life, satisfying her revenge for what he did to her people.

Mahiru- Pegasus Knight

An easy-going, mischievous, and loud mouthed Pegasus Knight. Mahiru often doesn't hesitate to speak her mind, and will often do so at any point she wishes. She has developed a close relationship with Takumi as not only his retainer, but as one of his few close friends.

Dylan- ???

A young man of unknown origin. He seems to hold some close connection to Azura, and seems unfazed by her wicked plans as he stands by her. His intentions are unclear, and he seems to hold some power within him. As if he was human, but not human....

7. Are any characters going to be cut?

Yes. For the purposes of cutting extra, unneeded characters, I am planning on cutting Setsuna, Hinata, Oboro, Peri, Kagero, Felicia,  Arthur, Lilith, and most of the child units aside from the royal children. (Although this might e changed if I decide upon doing Arc 3.)

 

 

 

 

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On 11/25/2015 at 11:56 PM, NekoKnight said:

I don't know. I guess I've been thinking of this idea for a little bit, but yeah. Any thoughts about it you guys? I know there's a lot of areas to improve at, besides grammar of course. Because that's a given.

 

 

 

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This seems like a good thread to mention that I completed a Fates: Conquest re-write gamehack in the Fan Project section of the forums. Conquest Story Overhaul Patch. If you don't have a CFW capable 3DS but would still like to see some of the changes, I've uploaded the scenes from the first 10 chapters.

Spoiler

1. What routes are you working on? Is it an amalgamation of all three? Is it an alternate universe style retelling?

This is a rewrite of the Conquest route and prologue chapters. It was designed to both humanize the Nohrian side of the conflict and provide the player incentive to carry out the events that happen in game. This does not make Hoshido evil or Nohr angelic,

2. What notable changes would you make to the plot?

  • Are problematic elements (the curse, the magic throne, the crystal ball, operation tears, Nohr and Hoshido being too black and white, everything Aqua does) going to be addressed? Both Nohr and Hoshido are given legitimate reasons to distrust one another which helps set the stage for the conflict. Issues that arise such as the crystal ball and the Dragon Throne are modified slightly to make them less immersion breaking. Garon is the largest change as he is no longer completely controlled by Anankos, but is fighting a losing battle. 
  • Are there any themes to be communicated over each route? Good people can do bad things for good reasons.
  • What is the overall direction and "point" of each route? A significant emphasis is placed on the importance of family. In addition, character growth for the main and supporting characters over the course of the story are explored. Less emphasis is placed on the Yato and more is placed on the interactions between Nohr, Hoshido, and Anankos.

3. What notable changes would you make to the characters?

  • What is Kamui all about (background, personality, abilities)? Corrin begins somewhat naive, but becomes more assertive as events unfold. He takes a much more active role in the decisions made, and carries the consequences as a result.
  • What is Aqua all about (personality, role in the plot)? Aqua plays a more supplementary and supportive role. She is still wise, but is no longer the driver of the story. Many of her instructions and decisions are given to Corrin.
  • What are the Hoshidan and Nohrian siblings all about (personalities, roles in the plot)? Xander is more in-line with his support self. Leo's position as the middle/forgotten child is explored. Camilla's personality and backstory are addressed. Both the Hoshidan and Nohrian nobles are shown to be desiring peace but constrained by the circumstances of their respective kingdoms. Ryoma's end-game events are given greater weight and substance.
  • What is Hydra all about (role in the plot)? Anankos is explicitly shown to be the mover of the events that happened in Hoshido and becomes the primary antagonist. Hints of Anankos' motivations are sprinkled in the game.

4. What notable changes would you make to the setting?

  • What ideas do you have for world building? The blight that affects Nohr is given a name and plays a significant role in the conflict between the two nations.
  • What kind of history does this continent have? Prior to Garon conquering the tribes, they were continually at war with one another. Without Nohr as a unifying influence, they would eventually devolve into earlier bloody practices.
  • Are the Faceless and invisible enemies in your story? Yes, but the odd appearance of the invisible enemies serve as a motivator for Corrin to attempt to stop the conflict.

 

Edited by AgahnimD
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  • 5 weeks later...

I started my own fix-it AU back in 2015, and now have posted 21 chapters to the main fic. I'd never set out with a plan to address Ganz an his entire weirdness as an infamous criminal, but that's the story arc I'm hoping to finish soon.

I still find it most convenient to chuck all Touma elements out with the bathwater.

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