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Ike's FE Megathread {15.5}


Integrity
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As I painfully await FEXNA, I feel like, just to make him a little bit more interesting, I would change Alba to Elbe, as this game has some Germanic words in it, and his hair is blue like the reflection of water, so Elbe. Also, I still prefer August to Dorias, and they get into it with each other later.

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Dammit, we were just shy of Kemph today...! We will need a lot more great Kemph hemp before we're through.

trust me my man i deliberately cut this to exactly before kempf so i could give him the justice he deserves

(the last chapter of the next update is 12 so that pan gets the same)

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  • 4 months later...
  • 1 month later...

I sure as hell don’t remember what happened in October, and I don’t expect you to remember either. It’s been almost long enough since the last update for a child to have been conceived and born. Wow. Let’s put together a quick recap for us all, so we’re on the same page and can get some hype rolling for the next real update this weekend.

 

In the beginning, there was Leif. Leif was living a quiet life as the only heir of a dead, dead, subjugated nation, having fled to many different cities in the weirdest chase sequence/opening narration I’ve read when this guy Leidrick shows up and starts messing with his home and kidnaps his girlfriend. Leif chases him down, honorably, but takes a detour after he meets this guy August to go kill a bunch of pirates and find out his other girlfriend Linoan is in trouble and that he has to go there immediately (after he’s done saving his first girlfriend, though). He storms a fort and beats up a guy, but Leidrick still has his girlfriend kidnapped and he gets to go to jail. Evayle goes too. Lifis gets nicked, but just sort of because he was there.

In jail, Leif meets his new best friend Fergus, Karin’s there too, and the Magi Squad arrives to bust him out of jail. The Magi Squad are cool dudes who believe in freedom and guys like Leif not being in jail. Lifis produces some blokes to help you break out, and you do. Julius and Ishtar have a brief scene to tie this into the wider drama in the context of Genealogy, and Manfroy is unfortunately there too. Fire Emblem hits its arguably writing peak in Chapter 4x, and then I write the hilarious line “Let’s all link our arms and pray that this last week isn’t going to be indicative of my school schedule come next semester.” How’d that turn out for me??

Outside of jail, Leif gets to go through two relatively really good chapters and save his girlfriend, but at the cost of his mom. Cedric could have shown up again, but in a spot of really dumb event flagging, he doesn’t. Leidrick betrays his true nature as a reasonably well-done villain and we get some of our mates back. Hannibal sees right through Leif’s shit and tries to stash him at a secret mountain fortress base, but it gets attacked and – actually, everything is solved more or less peacefully, weirdly. Somewhere in there we get a hamfisted account of how much Thracia sucks, and Dagda comes home to us. We pick up Dorias, completing Leif’s honorable advisor/pragmatic advisor duo, and finally meet Olwen and start to continue on the road to Tahra, the next thing that actually matters in the plot. Now we’re on route to an impenetrable fortress which we will impregnate on the first try.

The major relevant people:

Leif was naïve, but is being slowly broken of his naivete and is being shaped into a true leader by Dorias and August. His primary motivation has gone from “rescue my girlfriend” to “don’t die & rescue my girlfriend” to “rebuild leinster!” organically.

August and Dorias are the two main advisors. They both want Leinster rebuilt, but August wants to do it as swiftly as possible while Dorias wants to do it right. They don’t deviate much from these tropes, but they don’t need to for their place in the narrative.

Leidrick is the main villain. He’s decadent, out of touch, and sold out his country for power – power that Blume stole from him. He’s gone for most of the rest of the game.

Olwen is in the spotlight for now – she’s a young general who got her position mostly through nepotism but is basically competent. She stays at least a bit relevant for most of the game, though. Fred is pseudo-relevant through her for the upcoming two chapters, but he’s pretty much just her stoic bodyguard.

Other characters who are relevant to the plot:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And on that bombshell, see you in a few days for a proper whopper of an update!

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i'm behind schedule because we the folks behind the scenes managed to um lose the fe5 save in the 6 month gap

 

back to where we were in october now though IT'S STILL HAPPENING

Edited by Integrity
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WE’RE

BACK

IN

BUSINESS

 

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It’s about damn time.

 

Quote

Leaf led his Liberation Army across the border and into Imperial land at last.

However, the impregnable Dandrum Fortress towered before them. They must capture this stronghold to clear the way to Tahra…

In traditional fashion, we’ll open this stupid update with a stupid nitpick. This is the second “impregnable” place in Jugdral that we will never see repel an attempt to be impregnated. First was Silesia, now’s Dandrum. No change of strategy necessary – in fact, Kempf even springs a trick on us – we just force our way through the impregnable walls. Whatever.

 

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The funny thing is, we actually broke the run right before the nadir of the story. We’re covering four chapters of update today, going over both of the worst characters original to Thracia 776, and accomplishing precisely dick. This is still just “the road to Tahra.” Enter Kempf. Kempf is a peach.

 

Kempuf: “You say the fort was attacked, but who exactly are the invaders? What was your mission, Olwen? Surveillance, wasn’t it? You fail to even identify the enemy, and then you come running back demanding for reinforcements? I think not.”

Olwen: “We were caught off-guard, so we need more men! I decided to come back and report first…”

Kempuf: ”But what if this enemy that you speak of is merely a trap to lure us away from our post? Our 12 Legions are what make Dandrum the impregnable fortress that it is. There is no way I will send out troops without even knowing who the enemy is.”

 

This is Kempf, right here. There is no other depth to him. He is a Shitty, Corrupt general who Everybody hates. He sent Olwen out on a scouting mission, then accuses her of lying about what she scouted while doing her job. This is the least of his offenses.

 

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Kempf’s inclusion to the story adds Nothing.

 

Kempuf: “Didn’t you hear? I said, I suppose all you can do is go crying to big brother Rinehart.”

Olwen: “…You…”

Kempuf: “Don’t worry, he’ll take good care of you. Why, that man’s greatest skill is seducing the ladies. Hahaha!”

Olwen: “Are you insulting my brother! You…!”

Kempuf: “Drawing your sword, are you? What are you going to do, kill me? Stupid bitch. Guards! Throw General Olwen into the dungeon. Her charges are disobedience and turning her blade to her superiors!”

<they do>

 

You remember, eight months ago, when I complained slightly about Leidrick being the most mid-boss thing for the ultimate antagonist of the game? Like, how he doesn’t even feel consequential? Kempf is worse, and he gets more lines than most characters in the game. He won’t stop talking during this chapter. He comes back in a later chapter, and has plenty of lines in that one too. He might have among the most lines for any named villain in the game – I haven’t counted, but for sure Leidrick, Reinhardt, and Birdo (note: the two final antagonists and the mascot antagonist) have more lines than him.

 

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See, like, I feel like I’m belaboring a point to absurdity here, but I don’t get it. Every line of Kempf’s is about how dirty, evil, cheating, or selfish he is. Was he a writer’s self-insert that he snuck in? We may never know.

 

Kempuf: “Personal reasons? Why, I never. General Olwen drew her blade right here, to kill me.”

 

Fred: “What? No… That can’t be…”

Kempuf: “What did our military code say about turning your blade to your superiors? I recall it meant death, or some other severe punishment…”

Fred: “…So is that your plan. …Dirty schemer…”

Kempuf: “Anyway, you will have to take responsibility for your commander’s misbehavior. I order you to go out and meet the enemy. But this is a punishment. Fight to your death. If you dare retreat, Olwen will die. Understood?”

Fred: “Kempuf! …You shameless bastard!”

Kempuf: “Hm? What’s that? Can’t hear you. Hahahahaha!”

 

I’ll let this stand for itself. Note that the chapter hasn’t even started yet; this is all turn 0 dialogue.

 

Finally, we get to move-

 

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Just kidding! There’s turn 1 monologue too!

 

Kempuf: “What! The enemy is flying the flag of Lenster? And their leader is a boy of around 14 or 15? Hm… That must be Prince Leaf. …This could be a chance to get myself a promotion. All right, I have a plan. Lure the enemy into the eastern corridor. Everyone, Portcullis! Make sure the enemy doesn’t find out!”

 

Revealing to us that there’s a trap, which our commanders don’t know about. Nice one! On the other hand,

 

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This map is entirely linear. The trap will always happen. This isn’t like Hilda giving the omniscient You the ability to position exactly right to stop her surprise trap. You cannot thwart Kempf.

 

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I hate him so much. He’s like a proto-Hans, he just exists to do sick war crimes and make you watch until the plot decides you can stop him. Unlike Hans, at least his ending has some payoff, but that doesn’t excuse how shit this all is. You know more than 3/4 of the map dialogue happens before your first combat in this chapter? Talk about frontloading. Makes my job hard, too, since I have to blow my analytical load all at the very beginning and then still have a chapter to talk about.

 

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Still, there’s not much you can do in this map – you go up. Eventually you spring the trap. Then you get Fred. Fred is stoic and honorable, that’s it. He escapes instead of fighting us.

 

That said, according to Leif and Fred, hiding ballistae behind walls to shoot people is dishonorable, but hiding them behind men made of armor to shoot people is honorable. This is the same as in Genealogy when Travant kills Quan – the only reason it’s “dishonorable” is because characters insist very loudly that it is, while other enemies do the same things without getting called out and you probably do the same things in gameplay. Hell, the dishonorable thing should be that Fred is locked out of retreat without his agreement, but Leif wouldn’t see that, he would see a knight in front of his fort ready for battle, but he still calls out this dishonorable tactic. It’s a pretty trivial thing overall, but it’s just one of the million things to pile onto Jugdral’s telling, not showing list.

 

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Anyway, two ballistae just spawn. That’s it. That’s the trap. You let them shoot you for a while and unlock a way out. There aren’t any safe squares in the central chamber, but the top left and right corner few spaces can only be targeted by one of the other ballista. Once you pop the trap, as long as nobody gets obliterated by a surprise bolt, you’re pretty much done.

 

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The turn after you attack Kempf, he gets scared and

 

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Teleports out. This shitty mid-boss just warps his own self out of here. By the way, since I didn’t have a picture to show off, Kempf also has a poisoned sword, because hell, why not?

 

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There are two conversations you can have – either you clear the chapter in 30 turns or you don’t. If you clear it in 30 turns, August is happy with you and rushes you downstairs to rescue the children Kempf has rounded up. If you take more than 30 turns (or kill Fred), Dorias is pleased that you won but mad that it took so long and tells you the fortress is tactically useless now. Everything we take except for Leinster itself is tactically useless at the end of the chapter.

 

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Kempuf: “Bishop Oltoph, the enemy is apparently the survivors of Lenster. And their leader is Prince Leaf, who escaped from Manster. I must report this matter to the Imperial General Headquarters, so I want you stay here and buy time.”

Oltoph: “But General Kempuf, the enemy has already broken in. I don’t see how we can last much longer…”

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Kempf’s ultimate plan is to lock us in here with the rest of his army while he leaves. Have you picked up on what kind of a character he is?

 

Kempuf: “All you have to do is kill the enemy before they kill you. Of course, you’ll have to be prepared for the worst…”

Oltoph: “As you wish… I have no choice if it is an order…”

Kempuf: “Don’t forget to kill off the prisoners as well. They’ll be a nuisance if they escape.”

Oltoph: “Yes…”

 

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Olwen, meanwhile, has a crisis of faith.

 

Girl: “Our village was attacked…and the soldiers brought us here… What’s going to happen to us…?”

Boy: “What’s going to happen to us? We’re going to sacrificed to the dark god, that’s what! We’ll all be sent to Barhara and executed… My sister was taken there and never returned…”

Girl: “No! I want to go home! I want to see Mommy and Daddy…”

Olwen: “This… This is the child hunting? I heard rumors, but I never thought they were actually doing it… This is terrible… Is this… Is this what my country has been doing!?”

Girl: “Please! Please help us! Bring us home!”

Olwen: “Yes, don’t worry. I won’t let them touch you. …I’ll protect you with my life.”

 

Olwen’s development across this game is actually handled reasonably, but it’s hugely off camera. This chapter will bring her, pretty well and by degrees, to the “doubting the Empire” stage, and the next time she speaks it will be with total conviction to Leif’s cause. This is a mixed bag, but mostly good! On the other hand, the army has been publicly attacking villages and rounding up children. This isn’t some kind of Loptyr Special Forces brigade, this is just the army. Everybody knows that the child hunts are going on, except for Leif and Olwen. Leif doesn’t know because eh, he’s the protagonist and he’s just a naïve kid raised in the mountains. Olwen’s in the army. Olwen’s an officer in the army. Hell, let’s just get down to the point, Olwen knows Kempf. How doesn’t she know about the reality of the child hunts? We’ll never know.

 

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Anyway, hope you like more or less skipping chapters, because Thracia fog of war makes for really bad screenshots. Here’s the high-level overview.

 

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Olwen and Fred start up top. You start in the bottom.

 

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Enemies will happily attack and kill Olwen.

 

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The map tries to make you think it’s a labyrinth, and there are tons of dudes, plus kids to save, and fog of war. A great way to sum up the chapter, per a good friend of mine, is:

Quote

 

Harudoku - Today at 12:24 PM

a good summation of 11x is that it's not deterministic your hostage rescue is even physically possible.

there is a nonzero chance a unit just dies.

possibly olwen.

with literally no recourse.

from fog of war.

 

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Fuck 11x. We let the boss go, though – he doesn’t deserve to be locked down here to die for Kempf, of all people.

 

Anyway, since this is a paralogue, there are optional conversations. In this case, it’s pretty straightforward; it’s just “how do you want to develop Olwen?” If Leif talks to her (and then Fred), Leif gets confused why she’s down here, Olwen gets confused as to why she’s being rescued by him and asks to stick around and sort through it (we see none of this) and then Fred invites himself along. It’s pretty basic.

 

Much more interesting is if you talk to her with Fred before talking to her with Leif. In that case, Olwen and Fred actually talk about the things going through Olwen’s head:

Olwen: “Fred… What have we been fighting for all this time?”

Fred: “Lady Olwen…?”

Olwen: “What have I been doing? Helping the Empire snatch innocent children away from their families? Or helping them send the children to Barhara to be sacrificed?”

And it becomes Fred’s idea to join up, rather than Olwen’s:

Fred: “…What I can say is that your place is no longer in the Empire. Lady Olwen, let’s join Prince Leaf’s army.”

Olwen: “Prince Leaf’s? But they have always been our enemy…”

 

The conversation is a good bit longer, but that’s what matters about it. It fits their story much better – rather than Olwen just confusedly sticking with you Because Fuck It and then the thread never being touched again, it’s Fred’s confident decision to join us that Olwen goes along with. It provides a much stronger backing to them being in your army from here on out, and puts enough of a point on it that you’re not left waiting for Olwen to come up again for more development, which she doesn’t. She’s done developing. After this chapter, she’s one of your daves.

 

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The yellow knights throw lightning. :)

 

This is the end of the chapter, but not the end of the padding. We’re only halfway through that, but fortunately we’ve got all this conversation to talk about now.

 

Dorias: “Yes, they are a group of Mage Knights centering around elites of the Freeji family. They are one of the strongest armies on the continent. Their leader is Queen Ishtar, feared by many as the Thunder Goddess. And her first in command, Lord Rinehart, is an honorable warrior said to be the second coming of the Holy Warrior Tode.”

August: “You call a man who helps kidnap children honorable? Hmph…this is the problem with you knights. You know nothing of reality.”

 

Ignoring for a moment the whole “second coming of Tordo” thing throwing every wrench in Genealogy’s stupid blood mechanics thing, we’re about to touch on something really dumb. August is obviously throwing some shade here. Let’s flash back a game and some change:

Quote

 

Levin: “Yes… Empress Diadora is where he inherited his shaman abilities from. Return and Recover are just a mere thought away for him. But there’s more to it than that. Prince Yurius’ real power comes from…”

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This was a huge plot reveal for the heroes of Genealogy. Twice, actually, because Lewyn brings it up dramatically again in the final chapter.

 

Dorias: “What did you say? What don’t I know, August?”

August: “Rinehart is Queen Ishtar’s first guard. Ishtar is Prince Yurius’ lover. And Yurius is said to be an incarnation of the dark god, Lopto. They are all servants of Lopto… They are leading this world to destruction.”

 

Not only does August know, this is just kinda a “rumor has it” situation. Remember that this here is before Genealogy chapter 6, or at least before news of chapter 6 made it out of Isaach. To be honest, I like this retcon a lot more than how Genealogy treated it. Genealogy liked us to think that the evil emperor of questionable birth who kidnapped tons of children and promoted the Loptyr cult to power in many places was just a weird kid, and the fact that he was actually Evilsatan was a reveal. In Thracia, it’s just something that people figure. Oh well.

 

Hilariously, if you didn’t save Olwen, the conversation ends right here on this super dramatic note.

 

Olwen: “No! My brother… Rinehart is not a servant of Lopto!”

August: “…Who are you?”

Olwen: “Olwen… I am Rinehart’s sister…”

Leaf: “I allowed her into our army.”

August: “I see. Very well… Then open your eyes and look carefully. See for yourself what the Empire really is…”

 

If you save Olwen, August just finds a different super dramatic note to end the conversation on. August kinda rules.

 

So then, what kind of plot moving or development did we get out of 10, 11, and 11x? Olwen. Olwen was introduced and saw her entire character arc. That was it.

 

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Oh, no.

 

Okay, I’ll be fair to Pan. I’ll paste this entire conversation, verbatim, for your perusal, because it paints Pan as a decent person all told, and I want to give credit wherever I can manage.

 

Spoiler

 

Seiram: ”Pahn, it’s my shift now. I’ll keep watch.”

Pahn: “Oh, it’s already night. But Seiram, what about your injuries?”

Seiram: “I’m fine now… Thanks to you.”

Pahn: “Those Lopto people aren’t exactly nice, are they? You would’ve been a goner if we hadn’t passed by.”

Seiram: “… …The Lopto order does not tolerate traitors. That’s the rule…”

Pahn: “Traitor? You just wanted to leave the order, right? I don’t think they had to kill you… But why did you decide to leave in the first place? Lopto priests are even more important than the Emperor himself nowadays.”

Seiram: “I began to question the order… That is all.”

Pahn: “I see… Well, that’s not what matters. I like you, and I want you to join us, if that’s okay with you.”

Seiram: “You’re a thief, but you don’t kill or steal from the poor. I will fight with you as long as you stay that way.”

Pahn: “I don’t like to kill people. But we’ve got more guys now, and some of them just don’t want to listen. Especially Colho and his boys. They’re a problem.”

Seiram: “Colho is evil. They are attacking defenseless travelers.”

Pahn: “I know. I’m going to cut ties with them once and for all. All I need is you and Trude.”

Seiram: “And Tina… Don’t go too far with her. She’s still a child.”

Pahn: “Hahaha… All right, then I’ll leave the watch to you. The Imperial Army might stop by…”

Seiram: “I know. I’ll put anyone who comes too close to sleep with this staff…”

 

 

I won’t lie, this is a very good conversation. Up until now, save for one REALLY hamfisted conversation in Genealogy chapter 7, the entire Loptyr order has been a seething chthonic mass of evil dudes who love doing evil for evil’s sake. Salem is the first one of them who sort of might not love just murdering people for fun. Salem would have been great to explore at some point, by a game with any concept of pacing. Pan, too, is portrayed as just a guy who happens to be there – not only that, but with some parallels to our own Dagda. His thieving order who were generally pretty okay for thieves have fallen out of his control. Unlike Dagda, he wants out. It’s a long conversation, which very often begets my bitching, but it happens in the context of two dudes changing the watch routinely in an uneventful night. I can’t complain at all about anything between those spoiler tags. Go get yourself a drink, stand up, stretch your legs. Everything is good right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Then we cut to Saias, my OC.

 

Cyas: “I see you are lamenting over turning your blade to your mother, but you must get over it. You couldn’t help it, the Blade of Darkness was controlling you. But now that I’ve removed the curse, you should take it.”

Mareeta: “You want me to take this sword? But…”

Cyas: “Did you not say you wanted to be a swordmaster like your mother? Then you must not hate the sword. A fine sword can be both an evil blade or a holy blade depending on who wields it. Even this sword was not originally made to be evil. If you want to be a true swordfighter, then you must learn to love any blade that you come across. If you can’t do that, you cannot call yourself a swordmaster.”

Mareeta: “Yes… I will keep this sword as a memory of my mother.”

 

Saias casually decursed Mareeta’s sword (Jugdral’s plot has a really weird relationship with magic) and brought her to some village in the woods in the middle of nowhere to recover. It worked fine. He gives Mareeta a pep talk and she’s all good to go again with a sweet new sword. I’d say more about it but Saias is going to have his time in the limelight eventually and it’s …it’s something.

 

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As for the map? You know what’s better than a fog of war map? Two in a row. Actually, 12x will make it three in a row. I think this is the only time fog of war comes up in a main map, though – the rest of them are all paralogues. The guy Pan mentioned, Colho, announces that he’s attacking. It’s his only line. Mareeta announces that she’s going to protect her village. It’s by-the-numbers.

 

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She’s on her own in the middle of nowhere, though.

 

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Most people remember this chapter because Salem is hanging out in the fog of war with a Sleep staff, and Sleep is permanent until dispelled in Thracia 776. Or, you know, until the chapter ends. Thracia makes some bizarre design decisions.

 

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We’re introduced to Tina. Tina is Safy’s little sister. How do we know?

Seiram: “…Are you worried about your sister? You said her name was Saphy… Don’t worry, you will see her again. I will help you look for her once my wounds are healed.”

Tina: “Really? Thank you, Bishop Seiram. Good night.”

 

Sometimes it’s okay for a game to be unsubtle in dropping hints. Anyway, there’s literally nothing to Tina’s character or relevance to anything besides being Safy’s little sister, except that she’s complicit in the, uh, imminent total butchering of Pan’s character.

 

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Yeah, anyway, that’s it. If you’re fast, Dorias says we should mess these thieves up and you get 12x. If you’re not fast, August remarks that these thieves are decent folk who steal from the empire and give to the poor and you don’t get 12x.

 

Leaf: “Mareeta… Forgive me. Because of me, Eyvel…”

Mareeta: “No, it’s not your fault… It was my weakness. If I hadn’t lost to the sword’s power…”

Leaf: “Mareeta, I promise I’ll rescue Eyvel. I’ll save her with my own hands!”

Mareeta: “Then I’ll go with you! I’ll become stronger. So please take me with you!”

 

Marita gets a small conversation, in any case. This whole chapter, between Saias and the bandits and this, is her developing the will to go back and save Evayle. It’s character development!

 

You’re probably feeling fatigue from reading this, just like I am from writing it, but let’s push on. If I don’t make it out of the filler down it’s gonna be another six months before I motivate myself to do it again.

 

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Here we are. This is the real shit.

 

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Trude is among the most forgettable characters in the series. Thracia has a lot of those. That’s not the important thing about this scene, though…

 

Tina: “What’s the matter? …Is something wrong?”

Pahn: “An army’s coming for us. Damn bastards.”

Tina: “Army…”

Pahn: “Hey, what was that smile for? Oh, I get it. You think you can escape from me now, eh? Well, fat chance of that. There’s no way I’m letting go of a useful slave like you.”

Tina: “Why… Why are you doing this…? Please let me go… Please…”

Pahn: “I said no. You better not try to run, or I’ll do those horrible things to you again. You got that!?”

Tina: “No! Please, anything but that! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, forgive me!”

Pahn: “Good. Then go help Trude with that Thief Staff. Now go on, you incompetent slug!”

 

Remember last chapter’s Pan? Kinda likeable in a weird way, cool Dark Robin Hood kinda guy. Haha, no.

 

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We’re mostly ignoring the map. The map is a stupid maze, in fog of war, with a character you have to pass by without killing if you want to recruit him. Granted, that character’s Trude, so who really cares, but it’s the principle of the matter. Killing Trude means letting Kaga win, and that’s truly the greatest sin. No, we’re focusing on the mountains of awful dialogue that went into this chapter.

 

First up, there are three (!) conversations that optionally happen if you deploy the right boys.

 

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Leaf: “You’ll help us, Seiram?”

Seiram: “I’m still not sure… But do I have much choice now?”

 

Salem throws sick pragmatism all over us.

 

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Lara was sold to gypsies as a dancer and Pan saved her or something.

 

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And… Lifis.

 

Leaf: “What’s the matter, Lifis? You don’t look well.”

Lifis: “Hey, prince… Could you switch me with someone else? I really don’t want to…”

August: “You said you were living around here when you were a child. Do you know some of the thieves?”

Lifis: “Well… There’s this one guy I really don’t want to meet, and…”

August: “Don’t be ridiculous. Now go to your post!”

Lifis: “Come on, please! Just this once!”

August: “No. It’s the prince’s orders!”

 

This conversation just sticks out like a sore thumb in all sorts of ways. First up, we’ve got Lifis, a character I think we’re supposed to believe is trying to rehabilitate for Safy’s sake (whether he’s in it for ass or because he’s in love), who has been mostly a dick to us in the past (but believably so), showing some real humanity, and what do we do? We shoot him the fuck down. Awesome. Beyond that, second up, we’ve got August acting way out of character to do it. August straight up asks him if he knows any of the thieves, and when Lifis confirms that he does, August tells him to shut the fuck up and get back in line. No questions. Nothing. Remember, this isn’t honorable Dorias, this is pragmatic August. August doesn’t directly confront unless he absolutely has to. He hasn’t raised his voice yet in the plot. He yells Lifis down for absolutely no reason.

 

Third, and worst, is that this whole arc of the game is about Leif learning to accept responsibility as a leader, make his decisions, and stand by them. He notices one of his men doing badly, does the leaderly thing and asks after him, and one of his advisors (training him to be independent) forces his way into the scene and shouts right over him. Leif stays silent. August even yells that it’s Leif’s orders, that they’re not to be countermanded. In an early chapter, Leif as a boy who needs to be king, sure – but Leif has already started to show his leadership qualities, and to just have an advisor totally override him here with no consequence or mention is just bizarre and runs counter to the point of this entire filler arc.

 

Fuck chapter 12x, and it doesn’t even open on the worst note it hits. Oh boy.

 

tRuDIgP.png

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Typical for Thracia, the next thing that even matters is the end of the chapter. Nothing happens in the interim. There are optional conversations, but they’re all with Pan (on the throne) or Tina (next to him). Nothing else. Lifis, Lara, or Salem can recruit Pan; Safy can recruit Tina. Pan can then double back all the way to Trude (he starts in the top of the map, Pan’s in the bottom) and talk to him to recruit him – or if you have Trude captured and the map ends Pan recruits him without all that bother.

 

Salem’s conversation with Pan is amazingly straightforward and nothing to complain about. Salem tells him to stop fighting, talk it over with Leif, everything’s fine; Pan does. Bless you, Salem. Too bad your relevance is over now.

 

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Lara’s conversation with Pan is …questionable.

 

Pahn: “Hm? Oh, Lara… What are you doing here? Ah, I get it… You missed me so much, you just had to come back, right?”

Lara: “…What if I said yes?”

Pahn: “Whoa, whoa, what’s with the serious look? I was joking. I don’t need a kid like you hovering around me. Go back to Manster.”

Lara: “So you’re driving me away again. I thought you liked me when I was dancing. You were watching me so intently…”

Pahn: “Yeah, I didn’t know you were still a kid back then. Yup, you’re right, I liked your dancing. It’s, you know…energizing. It cheers you up. But you hated dancing, right? That’s why you quit.”

Lara: “…No… I actually like to dance. So… If you liked it, I can dance for you again.”

Pahn: “What are you saying…”

Lara: “No, not just for you… If I can cheer everyone up with my dancing, then that would be nice…”

Pahn: “Everyone? Who’s everyone?”

Lara: “Prince Leaf’s Liberation Army. I’m helping them. I’m not much use, though…”

Pahn: “Hmm… Ah, I get it… All right Lara, go back to being a dancer. Then I’ll join the Liberation Army as well.”

Lara: “Really, Pahn? Do you really mean it?”

Pahn: “Yeah, I can’t be a thief forever. The liberation of Northern Thracia, huh… Sounds interesting.”

 

Lara is canonically fifteen at this time. It could be a problem of tone translation, but the entire thing just reads vaguely scummy to me. Pan is in his mid-20s. The big thing about this that bothers me is actually a cross-game thing; the previous dancer, Leen, had Her Fun and Well-Written Times with the fat guy in chapter 7. The next dancer, Plum from Tearring Saga, upgrades to learn to dance via you getting her kidnapped by slavers for multiple chapters and she’s forced to dance. So this one might be entirely on me, but I can’t help but read this with a significant element of creepiness from Pan, because there’s a trend with dancers who are super young and really creepy situations in these Kaga games.

 

If somebody knows better, please enlighten me. I have enough to hate about Pan without adding this to the pile.

 

Let’s shake it off and say you recruited him with Lifis instead.

Lifis: “Shit…”

Pahn: “Hm? …Are you Lifis? Hey, long time no see!”

Lifis: “Y-Yeah… Hi…Pahn…”

Pahn: “You haven’t changed at all since you were a kid, have you? Have you at least learned not to wet your bed?”

Lifis: “C-Come on, Pahn… That was a long time ago.”

Pahn: “Really? You were biggest crybaby in the village, and you were always being bullied by the other guys… It seems like it was yesterday.”

Lifis: “…You were the one who always picked on me first…”

Pahn: “Hm? Did you say something?”

Lifis: “No, nothing…”

Pahn: “Oh, okay. Hey, you’re working for the Liberation Army now, right? Sounds like fun. Yeah, I think I’ll join. Where’s your leader?”

Lifis: “Wh-What!?”

Pahn: “What! You got a problem?”

Lifis: ”…No…”

Pahn: “Let’s have fun again, like the old days! What do you say?”

Lifis: “…I’m gonna be stuck with this asshole again…?”

 

“Haha, bullying Lifis is funny” – Thracia 776.12x.

 

“Humor” aside, look at it this way, because this is the end of Lifis’ character arc. Lifis opens up to you, tries to not run into this guy, and August shuts him right the fuck down. This guy then runs into Lifis, it’s revealed that he bullied the shit out of Lifis when they were kids, and he forces himself into your army because it would be fun. There’s a shit character here, and it’s not “my worst crime is I really want to fuck a priestess.”

 

It’s you. You’re the shit character, for making Lifis talk to Pan instead of killing Pan.

 

Saphy: “Why are you crying? What happened? Why did you leave Tahra!?”

Tina: I wanted to help you, so I left the city… But then I was captured by a thief named Pahn, and he made me his slave…”

Saphy: “Slave!? Tina! What did he do to you!?”

Tina: “He told me to help him steal with the Thief and Unlock staves…”

Saphy: “Why didn’t you refuse?”

Tina: “I did… But then he did terrible things to me…”

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Hilarious.

 

---

 

We’re through. We’re through the meat. Four chapters, beginning from the end of chapter 10 “let’s start walking to Tahra!!” and ending with …the end of chapter 12x “still walking to Tahra!!” Absolutely nothing of consequence happened. Chapter 11 makes a pretense at it, at least; we run into a fort full of dudes en route to Tahra and can’t go around, so we go through. Chapter 12 is literally just we accidentally into bandits. 11 will have some repercussions later, but only if we go one way on the routesplit. If we go the B route, Kempf ran off and never exists again. In fact, if we go the B route, things that happened in these five chapters (10-12x) that are ever brought up again:

Olwen.

Marita.

 

It’s filler. It’s not the worst kind of filler, but that’s all it is. In chapter 9 we got to the world map, clicked on Tahra, and then had five chapters of random events happen. I think I’ve said everything I know how to about them by now.

 

NEXT TIME, though, we make it back to things actually happening! Chapter 13 is Tahra! So’s chapter 14!

 

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Pan's Labyrinth! With no casual mention of Pan's totally cool enemy dancers he has in his keep or that by even sparing them you can get two to spawn at turns 25 and 30 for sick loot. Which usually means playing the map fast and/or in a certain way.

But more importantly Pan having totally cool enemy dancers in his keep. He won't be the last to have some but he is one of the few in this game to have them employed. You can interpret that as you will. Same for his conversation with Lara, there's not much room to interpret that most ways because we have no other basis for it. Thanks, Kaga.

Kemph's such an utter shitshow and I love him. There was just something blasé about Hans in Fates in terms of his assholery and he had little charm, but something about Kemph's snakeoliy presence sells it to me wholesale and I eat it up. Similar to Iago I guess, haha.

Speaking of Olwen, she's always been one of my favorite FE5 characters but Heroes made me appreciate her even more as she gets some lines about wanting to make children happy because they deserve a good world to grow up in and they were rather sweet.

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honestly, i wouldn't have such beef with kempf if he wasn't totally, unstoppably bad until his (skippable!!) comeuppance. in a series that's already having problems with villains who do whatever they want until you arbitrarily stop them, kempf is just some fuckin' nobody who rewarps away as soon as you get to him, has a bunch of dudes loyal enough to him to do what he says despite being nothing but a piece of shit, and is a piece of shit high ranking officer in the freeji army, which has to date had one (1) characteristic: being super strict on the honor of their officers, as everybody will tell you at length. if kempf had been an officer of literally any other army, i wouldn't be so goony about him, it'd just be a love to hate kinda thing.

 

at least hans' blase evilness exists in an army full of corruption and general shittiness, you know?

 

fuck hans btw can't wait for conquest

 

also yes olwen is good and in a better game, one with pacing, she'd probably be an actually great character

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we have totally different memories of bandit keith 

and i had a really embarrassing hardcore yugioh fan phase in my early teens

Edited by Specta
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