Serenes Forest Scribbles 2016. Winners announced!

[Thane]

A~nd done with my voting. I realize there's nothing to prevent us from voting for our own entries, but I voted for the story I thought was best, so it went to someone else - I don't think I could've voted for my own one even if it were the only participant though.

[Sunwoo]

Already voted as well. And I didn't vote for my own, of course, because that's just silly

[eclipse]

1. I'd rather have the voting tied to SF accounts - after all, this is our competition!
2. Since I'm not sure whether or not we can delete votes, I'm going to hold off until the last minute.  I really need to think about this.

[maybe]

Just now, eclipse said:

1. I'd rather have the voting tied to SF accounts - after all, this is our competition!
2. Since I'm not sure whether or not we can delete votes, I'm going to hold off until the last minute.  I really need to think about this.

You can delete votes! there's no "delete vote" button but if you press "show vote options" after you vote you can change your votes

[eclipse]

Just now, unique said:

You can delete votes! there's no "delete vote" button but if you press "show vote options" after you vote you can change your votes

I guess?  Still, I'd rather take the extra time to think about my votes, rather than hand things out right now.  At least until this stupid headache goes away!

[Jotari]

The Prince of Verdane

Spoiler

The tike skips at the start were sort of weird. They were so sudden and large, and all the information within them was repeated later on. However, I do give credit for emulating the writing style of Genealogy of Holy War very well. A lot of the text here does seem like something you could find in the game. Unfortunately while the very expository style of writing works in a game where you have to get information out fast to explain why certain troops are deploying, it doesn't really work as well with a vanilla reading. I did start imagining the story being literally in the game but then Cimbeath's monologue, i.e. the bulk of the story, was so much longer and more detailed then you'd actually get in the game, that it broke my suspension of disbelief.  All in all the story is being pulled in two different direction. It would work better being slowly told over several sections of the game rather than all at once like that (and I don't just mean that based on the time skip but the monologue too. A line like "You fled like a mouse. You ain’t our prince" would work better as a piece of optional text from a  villager). It is interesting to think of Verdane during the intervening years and Gen 2 which gets very little focus after Chapter 1 and you did an excellent job in giving Cimbeath a distinct voice.

 

Edited April 8, 2017 by Jotari

[TheSilentChloey]

I got all my votes in.  I didn't vote for my own work of course because that would be unfair.

[Tangerine]

11 hours ago, eclipse said:

1. I'd rather have the voting tied to SF accounts - after all, this is our competition!
2. Since I'm not sure whether or not we can delete votes, I'm going to hold off until the last minute.  I really need to think about this.

Yup, I know what you mean, but we have a following that doesn't use the forum as well - over half of our traffic is exclusive to the main site. Plus, since we started actually using our twitter account, we've been gathering a pretty fair following there and it'd be cool to include the people who follow us for news but may not necessarily have a forum account. It's a big thing for a site that has been so self-contained for the past 10 years lol.

All in all it'd be more exposure for our artists/writers/everyone to make the voting process less exclusive to the forum, and that's what really matters.

Edited April 8, 2017 by Tangerine

[Xaos Steel Wing]

I just want to say thank you to Tangerine and everyone else involved in putting this content together. I appreciate the efforts. And to all the entrants, of course!

It got me writing again after a long break, so I welcome this contest giving me a reason to write again.

I think the gallery format is a big improvement over last year's forum threads. Having to click a separate forum thread to view each piece of art was a real pain, and it made it hard to remember what each entry was title for voting. Having them all in one gallery in one place and all visible at a glance really makes things much more convenient.

That being said, with each entry having its own forum thread, that gave a place and an opportunity to provide feedback, compliments, or contents specific to each work. Yes, we have this thread now, but it's a rather indirect way to comment and give feedback on specific works, so that aspect is lost from last year.

I wonder if there could be another way to better allow comments and feedback on individual entries while maintaining the convenience of them having all in one gallery for next time... Maybe bring back the forum, but just for feedback and comments?

A week left to vote... so plenty of time to read all those stories.

Edited April 8, 2017 by XaosLogos

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, XaosLogos said:

I just want to say thank you to Tangerine and everyone else involved in putting this content together. I appreciate the efforts. And to all the entrants, of course!

It got me writing again after a long break, so I welcome this contest giving me a reason to write again.

I think the gallery format is a big improvement over last year's forum threads. Having to click a separate forum thread to view each piece of art was a real pain, and it made it hard to remember what each entry was title for voting. Having them all in one gallery in one place and all visible at a glance really makes things much more convenient.

That being said, with each entry having its own forum thread, that gave a place and an opportunity to provide feedback, compliments, or contents specific to each work. Yes, we have this thread now, but it's a rather indirect way to comment and give feedback on specific works, so that aspect is lost from last year.

I wonder if there could be another way to better allow comments and feedback on individual entries while maintaining the convenience of them having all in one gallery for next time... Maybe bring back the forum, but just for feedback and comments?

A week left to vote... so plenty of time to read all those stories.

You can use Disquis to comment on the pictures if you have an account. no such look for the stories though since they're just links to whatever place they were originally uploaded to.

[Tangerine]

Yeah, we wanted to preserve the stories the way they were sent to us so that they best reflected how people wanted them displayed; unfortunately that means that only the stories that are posted on SF itself (aka sent to us on the forum or in a notepad) could have Disqus comment threads. It's hard to find a happy medium in the case of written works lol. I do agree that part of the fun and community involvement was being able to comment and talk about things in individual threads, and I miss that part of it as well. Hopefully we'll be able to come up with something that combines the best of both worlds next time.

[Jotari]

4 minutes ago, Tangerine said:

Yeah, we wanted to preserve the stories the way they were sent to us so that they best reflected how people wanted them displayed; unfortunately that means that only the stories that are posted on SF itself (aka sent to us on the forum or in a notepad) could have Disqus comment threads. It's hard to find a happy medium in the case of written works lol. I do agree that part of the fun and community involvement was being able to comment and talk about things in individual threads, and I miss that part of it as well. Hopefully we'll be able to come up with something that combines the best of both worlds next time.

Couldn't you have made...I don't know what to call it, a space with a disqus comment section that has the link to the stories? Sort of emmulating how it was last year just not in the forum section. Like what's up there for the images only instead of a picture it's just a link.

Edited April 8, 2017 by Jotari

[Tangerine]

We could've created a page with just a link, but adding a bunch of web pages to our site that are essentially nothing isn't something we typically aim to do lol. I don't think many people use or want to use Disqus just for the competition as well, but we'll weigh our options for next time.

[Jotari]

Well I'm not sure what the most efficient way to go about it is but I definitely would like to see a dedicated comment section for stories next year. I do feel like something was lost by not having it this time round.

[Into Oblivion]

And I'm done voting.

For what it's worth, I had fun submitting one of my pieces, even if it wasn't my best work (but I've probably yet to write my 'best' work). :) I won't soon forget this contest; that's for sure.

[Jotari]

The Value of Refuse

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A bit strange to have it in a play style format but also describe inner thoughts so unsubtly.

Too Much, Not Enough

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Plot twist managed to catch me off guard and I rather liked it for that fact. The title is also great.

 

Edited April 9, 2017 by Jotari

[EllJee]

I've finally gotten around to reviewing all the Draws. I'll get to the other pieces (misc. and writes) tonight and early tomorrow. I've tried to include at least one thing I liked for each entry, and at least one concrete suggestion for future improvement. Also, just because I say a lot about one piece and not nearly as much for another doesn't mean I prefer one or another of them. It just means I was able to be more concise in my thoughts. XD Fantastic work to all entries mentioned; I look forward to reviewing the rest too.

 

Fetching Friar

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Great use of light and shading, and in managing to capture Libra's tareme eyes. My only critiques are all about angles. At the direction his head is turned, it's a partial angle; he might be turned 30-45 degrees away from the viewer. But his eyes are spaced far enough apart that he might be looking further forward, and the angle at which we see his nose only shows us the side, as if he were turned further away. It's a very hard balance to master, but that's what I'd suggest working on. Unless you were going for imperfections as Libra's self-portrait reflects his not-yet-total-mastery of the form, in which case nice.

Dagda and Tanya

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Some underloved characters get some much-needed attention. Great courage entering with MS Paint, and great job nailing Dagda's beard. I know it's not easy working with this medium, but the proportions are different for all three characters. If you're able to practice using the resize tool to play with legs:chest:head proportions, that'd be a good exercise to improve your skills even using the tools you have.

Untitled

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This is exactly how I think Odin would tell Ophelia about the other world; great concept, and for once the hyperrealism doesn't detract from the Fire Emblem-ness. The sparkles detract a little from the rest of the work, though—especially since the ones around Ophelia seem just to be replicas of each other. And please forgive me, but Ophelia’s hair seems almost like a wig; it doesn’t match to her quite as well as Odin’s does.

Baralph

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Great work on the anatomy here; it’s clear you’ve been studying that. I think what bugs me most is the distinction between the three levels of “completion.” His face is pretty polished compared to the sketch/color rest of his body, especially his right hand (which displays no fingers or knuckles beyond a vague hint); what I mean is, there’s no “sketch” quality about his face. And especially since his body is so polished muscle-wise, cleaning up the sketch would have drawn that much more contrast with Mister Flex in the corner. XD

Macedon Royals

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I love the chiaroscuro here; it really draws attention to the relative “purity” of each of the characters (most notably he-who-must-not-be-depicted-with-a-face). Minerva’s left eye seems out-of-balance with her right, though; with the angle her face is at, it seems like it wants to be closer to her nose—or like her nose wants to be closer to that eye.

Linoan

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Great work with the general atmosphere. The proportions all serve to make her that much cuter, but they’re not overemphasized at all. The foreground is so important, though, that background almost feels nondiagetic—like there doesn’t exist one behind her and it’s been added just so there’s no empty white space. With a headshot like this, especially where she’s looking right at the viewer so adorably, even a little bit of depth and blur would help bring the background into the image itself—such that it’s not important to the viewer (because Linoan takes up “our” entire attention) but that it still exists behind her, past our besotted gaze.

Why Can’t I Remember?

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This is especially poignant for Tiki, considering what she’s been through and how long she lives—and therefore how long Tiki!Morgan is going to live. Tiki’s concern—and frustration at her helplessness—is very evident here, so great job with that. The shading is part of the flat style, so there’s nothing to comment on there—except in much the same light as this: consider looking at a bunch of profile references for eye placement. If anything in this image, the eyes seem a little bit out of position; playing a little with how close to the nose or the top of the head they are may yield great results—and a little bit of shading to designate depth so the eyes aren’t just sitting on the cheeks may go a long way.

A Present For You

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Hands are hard. Yours are great. I love the crinkling of the wrapping around her fingers and the subtle fog of her breath. If anything, Mia’s right eye seems just a hair too far away from her nose.

Two Generations

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There’s so much going on here. Great work on the facial proportions and the shading, and especially on the fabric crinkles. However, I don’t know if you intended this, but the eye of the viewer is drawn first—and directed—to the symbol in the middle of his (Alvis'?) chest, where nothing in the image is happening. His face seems almost like an afterthought, composition- and layout-wise. If you did intend that, you’ve succeeded excellently.

Brothers Ain’t Got Nothing on Us

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Best magic circles I’ve ever seen. I love the subtle tilt to Camilla’s face, and the style completely supports the premise. The book seems out-of-place, though; there’s so much movement going on in this image, and the book is entirely static. Not even a page rustling or mid-flip for Elise’s magic. A subtle addition of movement to the book would round out the image a lot.

Care to chat?

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Aww, lookit ‘im! You’ve managed, in one dramatic stroke, to capture both his outgoing nature and his (hidden) insecurities. This is a wonderfully complex portrait of a wonderfully complex flirt. My only real complaint is that—given the color of his eyebrows—his hair almost looks like a wig. (Though maybe that was your intention, given what happens to bring him to Nohr?)

A Moment of Peace

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Somehow, you’ve captured their individual personalities from even this distance; great work with that. The slightly more realistic style actually supports the premise of the work, too. I almost want the environment to be a stronger presence of its own in the piece, so important is the peace of Hoshido to them. But if anything… neither Hinoka nor Takumi’s hair cast shadows, and that makes them feel almost pasted onto the image.

Lord Hector

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MA BOI. I like the sheer amount of work that went into the lightning here, and especially his hair. But compared to the level of detail on his face and hair and on Armads, his hand (and, to a lesser extent, his jacket) feel almost like they were placed in at the last minute. If you don’t have the time to add those to the same level (or some other reason), it’s always okay to limit the scope of the frame to the things that you’re spending the most time on. (His neck’s a little long, too, but that’s also solved much the same way.)

Knight Lord of Pherae

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Excellent work on the mood of this piece. He’s so rarely shown with a lance of any kind, either. The proportions are great, and his stance demonstrates both his power and gallantry and a faint hint of his inner doubts. If anything, the level of detail on the fabric of his tunic contrasts really strongly with the lack of that same detail on his cape; I’d have wanted to see a little more detail there.

In Ruined Halls

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What a mood you’ve created here; great work in the lighting and shading. Her posture and stride suggest she’s been at this for a while, and I really love the torch trail. Her expression, compared with the strength of her stride, looks almost bored—though perhaps that’s intentional. The broken column seems to have just been severed; the strength of the lineart at its top, plus the lack of shading to indicate crumbling, makes the top edge seem planned that way. You could experiment with how to display the crumble aside from just the lineart.

Roy Sketch

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Ooh, great shading on the cape there. His expression’s just the icing on this cake. But with the wind as strong as it must be, I have to wonder why his hair isn’t moving with it. Also, if you really wanted to boost this to the next level, consider scaling down the size of his face just a hair; the proportions look a tad off—like the ear is too far back—and that might be a result of a head that’s just a little larger than anticipated.

My First Adventure

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So. Many. Feels. Holy cow. Lookit the detail in this image: the hands, the clothing and armor, the expressions, the hair. Ugh, the hair. You got the right directions on their hair to where their heads are pointed. I love this so much. I especially like that it's meta--it speaks also to the experience of playing the series, not just of the characters or events in it. But because I’m such a Lyn fanboi, I have to comment about her left eye—which is partly obscured by our lovely tactician, but seems to be pointed in a slightly different direction than her right.

Conflicted

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Oh, great layout. There’s a deliberate effort to make this a composition, rather than just an art piece. There’s a lot of effort on her hair and the bottom of her dress and her feet. There isn’t as much shading done on her torso—and especially when there’s a giant Yato in the background to draw your eye to the center of the image, the lack of shading there stands out more.

Kiria in Fates #05 – Interruption

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I do like the adaptation of the Sorcerer costume to fit her scheme—and I love that Elise is a Witch. Great work on the armors and shadows here. If anything, Corrin’s feet look… a little too pristine and posed. Like she’s not really standing on anything, even at this angle. Since she’s on dirt, not stone or tile like the rest, I want her feet to reflect that—even some shaded depression in the dirt around them might help.

Young Tactician

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Nice work on shading, especially the fabric folds at the back of the coat between his legs. (Side note: it almost looks like he’s shirtless under the coat.) If anything here, the sheer expanse of the background actually detracts from the tactician himself; there’s so much empty space that what IS there, especially completely centered as it is, seems almost drowned out.

Nino Attacks

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The motion in this piece is absolutely superb. I love the perspective, the ripples in her clothes and the book, the shine of her eyes… The flame at her fingertip looks flat in comparison to her eyes especially. The shading on the flame is fine on its own, but in juxtaposition with her eyes, I want just a little brighter spark in the center. Nino’s stronger than E-rank, isn’t she?

Alm and Celica

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Oh, wow. Great use of color. You’ve got a great handle on perspective and proportion… how’d you get the armor lines to look so clean and crisp with (I assume) traditional media? I actually like that they’re looking in slightly different directions. But since you’ve spend such attention on details, I can critique details. Celica’s left eyelid is structured differently from her right, and the eye is at a different height; split down the center of her face, she’s almost two different people. The bland blank stare on her face contrasts a lot with Alm’s determined brow crinkle, which just draws attention to that eye discrepancy, especially given its position in the center of the image.

Dead or Alive

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You’ve got a very distinctive style, and it definitely shines here. I like the subtle crinkling of the paper (the simplistic shading on his cloak support the understated folds in paper and fabric). The words on the page, though, are in plain straightforward typeface; they don’t match with the angles and crinkles of the paper, and they seem extradiegetic to the image itself. They pull attention away from the fun art and expression and toward the out-of-place typeface.

Bubble Tiki

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I see you’re working from TCG Tiki and not the redesign of her dragon form for Awakening. Nice attention to precedent with the wings, therefore. I love the folds of the fabric and the individual shines on each bubble; her playful mood is quite evident. With the wind, though, as it’s clearly there from the clouds and grass, I sorta want to see a little more direction in the rustling of her feathers from it.

Note of Desolation

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Mood piece. Very nice. I have to wonder—is she looking in a mirror? Through a window? Into the future she jumped from? Is this the DLC? There’s so much effort into making this a mood piece that the distinction between foreground arm and the arm of the Lucina we see begins to blur; this wouldn’t be problematic metaphorically, but in a literal sense there’s not a lot of shading and it’s disconcerting. I’d like to see a little more shading to give her some depth from the background rather than a flat figure over it.

Marth and Caeda

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Cockroach couple. I love their expressions; there’s so much work put into those. She looks so relaxed with him! Great work on the positioning and anatomy. The fabric crinkles and folds are great, but they draw attention to the flat style used for the edges—like her gloves and thigh-highs, and the back of his cape. It seems inconsistent, maybe only partly done.

Modern Day Tacticians

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I was wondering what the heck school they were going to for those jackets, until I remembered that the M would be part of MU—and then I groaned. Excellent sneak pun. There’s clearly an environment there—there’s a flat floor of grass, and a tree in the background—but aside from that, they seem to be in a void. One more hint—of anything, really—to add more depth to this image behind them would make this really pop out, especially since the grass is just a standing block of sorts. It doesn’t extend behind them much at all, and stops abruptly in empty space.

Queen Veronica

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Very imperious; I love her half-bored, half-condescending expression. There’s a lot of attention to detail here, and the sparse background doesn’t detract from that. What does detract is the length of her arms; they look too short. Look at where her waist is compared to where her elbows fall; look at where her groin would be compared to where her wrists would fall, or her fingertips. Use body parts to judge other body parts.

Ophelia

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This is almost KyouAni levels of moe. Nice work with the beginnings of a spell, and with the page turning of the book. (A little more subtle lining on the side of the book’s block pages would help there.) Her chest is so well-defined and shaded that I really want to see more attention to making the shading in both parts of her hair stand out more.

Fire Emblem Logo Redesigns

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What, no Blazing Sword? (Kidding.) I’m a fan of the old logo style, but I do like how you kept the consistency between titles while still allowing the individual spirit of each title through. If anything, Ragnell and Alondite being in full detail compared to silhouette like the Sword of Seals makes them stick out rather starkly, and breaks the consistency between logos—especially since the Radiant Dawn one treats the medallion in the same almost cutout style as the two GBA ones.

The Plains Sleeper

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Cute. That’s definitely Mia and Ilyana. Great job capturing their personalities, and also and especially on the shading. Three main critiques here, from different angles. First, the eyes sometimes seem out-of-position on their heads, depending on the angle we’re seeing them from; don’t be afraid to use references for that. Second, when you typeset, consider centering your text instead of left-justifying. And third, there doesn’t seem to be a conclusion to the plot you’ve laid out for us; it just sits there. I want a fifth page.

Radiance Sketches (Together Through Hope and Despair)

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Nice work on setting the tone through the sparse use of shading and no-background style leading into the single color panel. That’s a great touch. I almost wanted that to increase gradually rather than being a sudden jump, but it does work. Keep working on facial/body proportions and angles; they’re hard to get right, but you’ve got a good start. References are your best friend, especially when you’re working in pencil.

 

Edited April 9, 2017 by EllJee

[Crushie]

1 hour ago, EllJee said:

Two Generations

  Reveal hidden contents

There’s so much going on here. Great work on the facial proportions and the shading, and especially on the fabric crinkles. However, I don’t know if you intended this, but the eye of the viewer is drawn first—and directed—to the symbol in the middle of his (Alvis'?) chest, where nothing in the image is happening. His face seems almost like an afterthought, composition- and layout-wise. If you did intend that, you’ve succeeded excellently.

 

Thanks a lot for your detailed thoughts on the drawings! I always appreciate it very much to hear thoughts on how you could enhance your drawings :)

Haha and yeah I wanted to do something different with the centre of the picture buuuuut... well time is a bit limited in University (even when you study art >.<) and I decided to draw more of Arvis instead of scribbling something in at the last minute.

For reference an early version (was bored and did stuff with Claude and Sylvia ):

Spoiler

I originally wanted to feature Arvis's tome with fire coming out of it and affecting the lighting on the characters.

 

And I also voted (for way to many works...)!

Edited April 9, 2017 by Crushie

[Sunwoo]

Not sure if intentional or not, but Jotari you missed a few stories.

[Sietje]

6 hours ago, EllJee said:

My First Adventure

  Hide contents

So. Many. Feels. Holy cow. Lookit the detail in this image: the hands, the clothing and armor, the expressions, the hair. Ugh, the hair. You got the right directions on their hair to where their heads are pointed. I love this so much. I especially like that it's meta--it speaks also to the experience of playing the series, not just of the characters or events in it. But because I’m such a Lyn fanboi, I have to comment about her left eye—which is partly obscured by our lovely tactician, but seems to be pointed in a slightly different direction than her right.

@EllJee Thank you so much for your kind words. When I decided to participate in the contest I knew I wanted to make a piece that had a special meaning behind it instead of just drawing some random characters. I'm really happy you enjoy the artwork.

I remember having some trouble with Lyn's eyes. I made them a bit too slanted and thus making it look like the perspective is a bit off.

If you're interested in how I made the piece, there's a GIF of the process here: http://sie-tje.tumblr.com/post/158007026001/process-of-creating-my-first-adventure-it-took-me
Also here are some more sketches I did for the piece and an alternative version for the lighting: http://sie-tje.tumblr.com/post/158077893046/so-here-is-some-more-wip-work-for-the-artwork-my

Edited April 10, 2017 by Sietje

[EllJee]

I'm pleased to hear my comments have been helpful; I tried to critique rather than criticize. I'm about to run up into some difficulty for that based on my own biases. Here's my reviews for the Miscellaneous category.

 

Origami Birthright

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Clever conceit! It’s such an unusual concept. I do like the art detail you’ve added for the clothing. The sakura petals are a nice touch. It’s hard to get FE-level details through origami alone—which I suppose is why you’ve opted for a little more applied color and cutout and a little less folding. Technically, I’d have loved to see an attempt at these with more folds of different colored paper instead of applied color by markers or paint or something—at least for overcoats and capes over the main body—but… I understand why that’s more challenging.

Minecraft Guy

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Excellent use of the largest darn pixels around, especially given Minecraft’s significantly more limited color palette compared to any given digital art program. I almost wanted to see the dmg/crit/avoid/HP panel… especially since the floor is almost the right shape for a battle platform. The attention to strictly reproductive detail makes it hard to critique just as much as praise, save for the choice of medium. Consider for the future: the sprite also has a shadow. This doesn’t seem to, though it does have a tree.

Ike Cosplay

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It’s incredibly rare to see FE9 Lord costume for Ike rather than Ranger, or one of his FE10 variants. I blame Smash for that. Kudos to you for knowing the source material, and good work on the Ragnell. (I’ll ignore the bike.) If you have the means, there’s a few minor detail type things that would really beef up this cosplay: there are ways to style wigs, and Ike’s hair is a little spikier. It’d also kick this into gear if you worked in the metal plating over his gloves or boots—or if you found boots rather than modern hiking or sport shoes. And one tiny gripe: The pauldron’s a little off-center from the arm. Maybe that’s just how it’s attached or how this individual photo came out, but a nudge on that for the next photo shoot will polish off the cosplay.

Ragnell Replica

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What’s this made of? Thanks for adding the size comparison; that helps a lot. This is pretty great. It looks about the right size, based on its size compared to Ike in the art. Great work on the detailing, too. I notice that parts of the hilt are uneven, though, along with the blade’s bevel, for example. It’s difficult to get all of the lines completely neat and straight—though if you could manage to do that even better than you did, that’s probably what would kick this into higher gear.

Amigurumi Sack Takumi

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Figures that the first Takumi I don’t hate is also the easiest to kick around like a hacky sack. This is adorable. Excellent detailing on the cords, trimming, fur, and hair. I’m curious how you might go about making a Fujin Yumi for him…. Unfortunately, I doubt he’s machine washable. Hard to critique, though I can say I notice you used the same color for his turtleneck as for the groin armor…

Nyx Mini Sculpture

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Lovingly detailed miniwaifette. Lookit all the work that went into that hair, wow. And… is that a trashy romance novel she’s holding in her other hand?? This piece is all about details. She’s got a decently bored expression, her hair is gorgeously rendered, and even the leg patterns work. The legs are even in proportion to each other and to her frame. Her circlet’s a little enlarged here, and she’s got no nose, but perhaps those are artifacts of how puny this modelette is. (Dem hands, man.)

Embrace the Dark – Azura’s Song

Spoiler

There’s been a lot of effort put into this. I do rather like the contrast with the bridge at around 2 minutes, where we shift into an almost new-age-synth sound layered on top of the rhythm section. I think the segment at around 2:15 (until maybe 2:50) is my favorite of the entire piece. The subtle variations in rhythm around 3:10 or so help round out what might have felt repetitive into a fully cohesive song with a proper tension narrative, which in this case might even fit into an ABA’ structure. Unfortunately, I am entirely the wrong person to review this; the more electronic a song sounds, the harder it is on my ears and hearing aids. I can’t enjoy the bass or drums, as to me they sound like just so much distortion from the source material that would be better left out. I can, however, appreciate the dissonance. You’ve flatted the second, shifting the song into the Phrygian mode. It makes for a wildly different experience—which to me is detracted from by the genre it now fits into based on the rest of the arrangement. Especially since the shouted vocals seem that much more out of place in an otherwise instrumental arrangement. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this piece justice in my review.

 

I may have to get to the Writes tomorrow and Tuesday.

Edited April 10, 2017 by EllJee

[Jotari]

3 hours ago, Sunwoo said:

Not sure if intentional or not, but Jotari you missed a few stories.

 

On 3/23/2017 at 0:20 PM, Jotari said:

Well I might honestly have nothing of value to say on certain submissions, one way or the other. Can't really force yourself to have an opinion.

 

The only story I've 'missed' is A Soulweaver's Journey because the lack of paragraphs makes it a bit overwhelming. But I haven't voted yet and there's still some time to get back to it. Generally the stories I haven't made any comments on are the shorter ones. The only one of any bulk I can recall not commenting on was Pray to the Dark.

[SoulWeaver]

10 minutes ago, Jotari said:

 

 

The only story I've 'missed' is A Soulweaver's Journey because the lack of paragraphs makes it a bit overwhelming. But I haven't voted yet and there's still some time to get back to it. Generally the stories I haven't made any comments on are the shorter ones. The only one of any bulk I can recall not commenting on was Pray to the Dark.

Yeah, sorry about that - where to place paragraph breaks is probably my second biggest difficulty in writing, generally only beaten by the amount of dialogue I usually stuff my stories with. I've put some breaks in, but I'd appreciate tips on where good places to stop and start up a new paragraph would be.

[Jotari]

52 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Yeah, sorry about that - where to place paragraph breaks is probably my second biggest difficulty in writing, generally only beaten by the amount of dialogue I usually stuff my stories with. I've put some breaks in, but I'd appreciate tips on where good places to stop and start up a new paragraph would be.

Every line of dialogue should be a new paragraph unless you're heavily summarizing a short conversation.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Jotari

[eclipse]

On 4/8/2017 at 2:17 AM, XaosLogos said:

I just want to say thank you to Tangerine and everyone else involved in putting this content together. I appreciate the efforts. And to all the entrants, of course!

It got me writing again after a long break, so I welcome this contest giving me a reason to write again.

I think the gallery format is a big improvement over last year's forum threads. Having to click a separate forum thread to view each piece of art was a real pain, and it made it hard to remember what each entry was title for voting. Having them all in one gallery in one place and all visible at a glance really makes things much more convenient.

That being said, with each entry having its own forum thread, that gave a place and an opportunity to provide feedback, compliments, or contents specific to each work. Yes, we have this thread now, but it's a rather indirect way to comment and give feedback on specific works, so that aspect is lost from last year.

I wonder if there could be another way to better allow comments and feedback on individual entries while maintaining the convenience of them having all in one gallery for next time... Maybe bring back the forum, but just for feedback and comments?

A week left to vote... so plenty of time to read all those stories.

I prefer both the viewing and voting to be as impartial as possible.  Throwing out your opinion on someone is an influence on that vote, whether intentional or not.