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Tell Me What You Think of These Names/ Basic Character Description


Captain Karnage
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so I'm about finished with outlining my story (after a rewrite)

here are the races of this world

the Ningen - basically humans (what seperates them from the others as they can use magic while the other races can't, though not all humans can use magic)

the Usagi - a race of humans with rabbit like features, they can also shapeshift into whererabbits

The Garou - a race of humans with wolf like features, that can shapeshift into wolves, they also have quite a bit of fur

the Yosei - the fairies of this world

 

if you haven't caught on I'm using Japanese names to name the races of this world

 

here are the some characters' names

Alm - the MC, a guy who was born into a family of mages. He cannot use magic - he travels to meet the archsage to unlock his magic as Alm is highly resistant to magic

Lapis - Alm's best friend - a mage - he goes on a journey with Alm to visit the archsage

Adsila – one of the MCs – Garou – she was born to a family of great hunters. is on a trade route with he aunt ( which both groups just happen to be going to the same city) (they both have quite a bit of time to get there)

Aiyanna - Adsila's aunt - Garou - a member of the Eastern Sea Trade Guild - traveling with an important items and documents to the city where the archsage lives.

Akecheta - Garou - younger than Adsila, Alm, and Lapis - he was hired as a little bit of protection by Aiyanna  (she wanted him to get some experience outside of the village)

Rachel - the fairy queen - more will be revealed as they approach the archsage 

Isadora - the adoptive mother of Alm (she sorta took him in when he was about 5 or 6) - a former palidin

 

quickly - the reason they're traveling - for the past few years Alm had worked for the same trade guild as a mercenary to save up for this trip, when he meets Aiyanna he gives he the secret handshake to prove that he is a member of the guild. They travel together for protection as they both are going to the same destination

 

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Were you going with a theme for the Garou names, or did you just sort-of make them materialize?

I'm not a fan of using foreign words for races.  I'd rather call them exactly as they are (human, rabbit, wolf, fairy).

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6 minutes ago, eclipse said:

Were you going with a theme for the Garou names, or did you just sort-of make them materialize?

I'm not a fan of using foreign words for races.  I'd rather call them exactly as they are (human, rabbit, wolf, fairy).

I'm using native american themes for the Garou

I feel that it adds some level of... I realy don't know the word for it.. mystic ...I think. I think it gives the world more of a fantasy vibe

I might call the Yosei faries in the end

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TBH I would suggest changing the names of Alm and Isadora to avoid confusion with the regular FE characters of those names. I don't recognize any others as having thesame names, but maybe change those as well if that's the case.

....UNLESSSSS this is not a Fire Emblem project, in which case those names are totally fine ~3~ that notion occurred to me a bit late but... uh... yeah haha. Otherwise I think those names are fine, nothin' wrong with'em. Good luck with your story bruh. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On Thursday, January 26, 2017 at 10:34 PM, BANRYU said:

TBH I would suggest changing the names of Alm and Isadora to avoid confusion with the regular FE characters of those names. I don't recognize any others as having thesame names, but maybe change those as well if that's the case.

....UNLESSSSS this is not a Fire Emblem project, in which case those names are totally fine ~3~ that notion occurred to me a bit late but... uh... yeah haha. Otherwise I think those names are fine, nothin' wrong with'em. Good luck with your story bruh. 

I actually came up with the name Alm long before I ever looked into Gaiden 6 or 7 years ago

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5 minutes ago, Captain Karnage said:

I actually came up with the name Alm long before I ever looked into Gaiden 6 or 7 years ago

In that case, by all means keep it!

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Rather than write out some long rant, I'll break it down like this:

Watch less anime. Read more books. Fiction, non fiction, either's fine. Do research into how to plot a novel, create characters, and build worlds. Get the information from actual published writers. The praise of people on video game forums isn't worth a penny.

Just to make it clearly; I don't think any of the idea's you've posted here are good.

Edited by Shuuda
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On 2/14/2017 at 3:42 PM, Shuuda said:

Rather than write out some long rant, I'll break it down like this:

Watch less anime. Read more books. Fiction, non fiction, either's fine. Do research into how to plot a novel, create characters, and build worlds. Get the information from actual published writers. The praise of people on video game forums isn't worth a penny.

Just to make it clearly; I don't think any of the idea's you've posted here are good.

it actually started off as a game, but since my computer skills are kinda, underdeveloped, I thought I could wright it out first.

these were just some names and ideas I had floating around, and these are just a tiny piece of the story overall

I actually do read quite often, though, I really only ever read short novels and short stories along with some classical literature. Most of what I've read was written by Louis L'amour and Stephen King (that might be a bad infulence if you ask some people).

anyways, thanks for telling me that you think my ideas are shit, I really want some negative feedback so I can improve

so what did you think was crap

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7 hours ago, Captain Karnage said:

so what did you think was crap

The gratuitous use Japanese was an immediate cause for concern. Unless your story is set in Japan, I'd recommend against it. It gives the impression of being written by someone addled by low brow anime. If there was a design document on your computer describing one of the characters as a tsundere, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. There's nothing inherently wrong in taking inspiration from other media outside of novels, but there is such a thing as learning the wrong lessons. Also, the rabbit people sent the weeb detector off the charts.

8 hours ago, Captain Karnage said:

it actually started off as a game, but since my computer skills are kinda, underdeveloped, I thought I could wright it out first.

Here's the root of the problem. Things that work in a video game don't necessarily work in a novel. This is especially true of RPGs, and especially especially true of most JRPGs.

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7 hours ago, Shuuda said:

The gratuitous use Japanese was an immediate cause for concern. Unless your story is set in Japan, I'd recommend against it. It gives the impression of being written by someone addled by low brow anime. If there was a design document on your computer describing one of the characters as a tsundere, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. There's nothing inherently wrong in taking inspiration from other media outside of novels, but there is such a thing as learning the wrong lessons. Also, the rabbit people sent the weeb detector off the charts.

Here's the root of the problem. Things that work in a video game don't necessarily work in a novel. This is especially true of RPGs, and especially especially true of most JRPGs.

I actually used Japanese names becaused they sounded pretty unfammiliar , I was originally going to use German but I learned that German for wolf is wolf.

TBH the only thing that has any japanese in it are the names of the races, everything else takes influence from Native American beliefs and culture, such as the names of the Garou are all Cherokee, the Humans are a mix of Roman and pre rennisance cultures, and the Usagi are based of acient Aribic tales, as an example I named the Queen of Czera Schehrazade. I named my countries after Roman emporers, Tiberium and Cladiua as an example, everything else I've taken influence from are fantasy novels I grew up reading.

I only went with the Japanese names because when I looked at the major European languages the words, rabbit and wolf would come up sounding to simmilar to their english equivelant so I went for something a little more exotic.

and honestly I'm only wrighting it down in this way is so that one day if I get the skills to program my own game I'll have all of my dialoug and ideas written down

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6 minutes ago, Captain Karnage said:

I actually used Japanese names becaused they sounded pretty unfammiliar , I was originally going to use German but I learned that German for wolf is wolf.

TBH the only thing that has any japanese in it are the names of the races, everything else takes influence from Native American beliefs and culture, such as the names of the Garou are all Cherokee, the Humans are a mix of Roman and pre rennisance cultures, and the Usagi are based of acient Aribic tales, as an example I named the Queen of Czera Schehrazade. I named my countries after Roman emporers, Tiberium and Cladiua as an example, everything else I've taken influence from are fantasy novels I grew up reading.

I only went with the Japanese names because when I looked at the major European languages the words, rabbit and wolf would come up sounding to simmilar to their english equivelant so I went for something a little more exotic.

and honestly I'm only wrighting it down in this way is so that one day if I get the skills to program my own game I'll have all of my dialoug and ideas written down

One thing I'll say is that Japanese names may not be unfamiliar depending on your audience. If it IS a RPG, there's a good chance some of your audience may know this. 

That could be interesting. However, my question is this, if the names are influenced by them, are the composition of the races resembling aspects of lore from those respective cultures? Or are they just fantasy things? While reading fantasy novels is all well and good, I was honestly recommended by some writers to avoid reading those genres when I'm writing for them, especially if they are of settings that I like on the account that these sort of things have a way of seeping into our writing. 

Which is fine. And is honestly a good idea. When you do stuff like that, it enables your inevitable team to be able to take a divide and conquer approach so everyone doesn't have to work on the same spots at once. 

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34 minutes ago, Augestein said:

One thing I'll say is that Japanese names may not be unfamiliar depending on your audience. If it IS a RPG, there's a good chance some of your audience may know this. 

That could be interesting. However, my question is this, if the names are influenced by them, are the composition of the races resembling aspects of lore from those respective cultures? Or are they just fantasy things? While reading fantasy novels is all well and good, I was honestly recommended by some writers to avoid reading those genres when I'm writing for them, especially if they are of settings that I like on the account that these sort of things have a way of seeping into our writing. 

Which is fine. And is honestly a good idea. When you do stuff like that, it enables your inevitable team to be able to take a divide and conquer approach so everyone doesn't have to work on the same spots at once. 

weel to be honest I really don't like a lot of fantasy worlds, I want to break some of those tropes like how much better the elves are to humans and orks, and how much stronger the orks are to humans, I made the Garou and Usag more compareable to humans as they all live for a simmiliar amount of time. Garou and Usagi can shapeshift while only humans(some) can use magic, and the only real fantasy creatures that exist are the faries, wyverns, pegsai, and a handful of sea monsters

as for culture religion plays a big role, in the later half the country Agusta, the largest country, becomes a theocracy and leads a war on Caligla to wipe out the garou and usagi races to purify the world, as their religion states that the garou and usagi were created after humans.

Edited by Captain Karnage
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48 minutes ago, Captain Karnage said:

I actually used Japanese names becaused they sounded pretty unfammiliar , I was originally going to use German but I learned that German for wolf is wolf.

Yeah, I figured that was the case, which is the problem. Like I said, if your story was set in Japan, or at least heavily inspired by their culture, then this would be justifiable. How your doing it now makes little sense. I mean, if you have cultures inspired by Native Americans and Romans, then why not use words from those languages for the respective species? I'm sure the Cherokee word for wolf would be just as unfammiliar to your audience. Wouldn't that make more sense? It would at least be consistent.

Edited by Shuuda
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6 minutes ago, Shuuda said:

Yeah, I figured that was the case, which is the problem. Like I said, if your story was set in Japan, or at least heavily inspired by their culture, then this would be justifiable. How your doing it now makes little sense. I mean, if you have cultures inspired by Native Americans and Romans, then why not use words from those languages for the respective species? Wouldn't that make more sense? It would at least be consistent.

well..... I was planing to use those names as racial slurs lupus for garou

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9 minutes ago, Captain Karnage said:

well..... I was planing to use those names as racial slurs lupus for garou

You have a group of people who name themselves using words from language X. Logically speaking, the words they'd use to describe the whole group and their homeland would also come from language X. Instead, you've decided that they'd use a words from a language Y, that is entirely unconnected to the one you use for their personal names.

Edited by Shuuda
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13 minutes ago, Shuuda said:

You have a group of people who name themselves using words from language X. Logically speaking, the words they'd use to describe the whole group and their homeland would also come from language X. Instead, you've decided that they'd use a words from a language Y, that is entirely unconnected to the one you use for their personal names.

This is why I'm looking for feedback, so when I'm write I don't end up sounding like a complete idiot.

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6 hours ago, Captain Karnage said:

weel to be honest I really don't like a lot of fantasy worlds, I want to break some of those tropes like how much better the elves are to humans and orks, and how much stronger the orks are to humans, I made the Garou and Usag more compareable to humans as they all live for a simmiliar amount of time. Garou and Usagi can shapeshift while only humans(some) can use magic, and the only real fantasy creatures that exist are the faries, wyverns, pegsai, and a handful of sea monsters

as for culture religion plays a big role, in the later half the country Agusta, the largest country, becomes a theocracy and leads a war on Caligla to wipe out the garou and usagi races to purify the world, as their religion states that the garou and usagi were created after humans.

And that's fine, but there needed to be some clarification was all. 

 

That's good if they do, because it'd go about justifying the names a bit more. 

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