screenshot Let's Play Final Fantasy Tactics (WOTL): The Nadir of Videogames

[maybe]

i wish he actually said "your cuntiness will eat you up from the inside" the game would've been so much better

[Parrhesia]

if only...

[Dandragon]

is this the part where I link the Completionists video praising the game constantly? like, looking at this LP has made me wonder what people still see in this game. not what the saw. what they currently SEE.

[eclipse]

They're making up for the lack of quality plot with words.  Or trying to.

[FrostyFireMage]

Does every character have the vocabulary of a pretentious English Major dropout

Spoiler

So when does the Gary Stu overly broken character join and turn the game into EZ Modo

[Laura]

18 hours ago, unique said:

i wish he actually said "your cuntiness will eat you up from the inside" the game would've been so much better

i ghostwrote this

[Dark Holy Elf]

18 hours ago, Dandragon said:

is this the part where I link the Completionists video praising the game constantly? like, looking at this LP has made me wonder what people still see in this game. not what the saw. what they currently SEE.

I (and many others) could say a lot of things about why this game is good but I don't get the feeling Negative LP Land wants to hear about 'em, so I don't generally bother unless people say things about the game which are factually incorrect.

Most of the criticisms about the game seen here, even the valid ones, are often blown way out of proportion for comedy. Probably the biggest/most valid one is the game's dialog, which (almost) everyone readily admits is bad. But in a gameplay-focused genre like the strategy RPG is there are many, many worse failings to have.

[Parrhesia]

8 hours ago, FrostyFireMage said:

 

  Hide contents

So when does the Gary Stu overly broken character join and turn the game into EZ Modo

The difficulty curve combusts in Act 4 (at least it has done early on) even without using special characters and I'm not wholly sure why.

1 hour ago, Dark Holy Elf said:

I (and many others) could say a lot of things about why this game is good but I don't get the feeling Negative LP Land wants to hear about 'em

I do!

[Parrhesia]

Update 26
In Which a Chatty Rock Ruins Everything

Spoiler

 

NO SHIT, ISILUD. NO FUCKING SHIT. IS HE WOUNDED. IS THE GUY LEAKING A FUCKING INTESTINAL SNAIL TRAIL WOUNDED? YES. YES HE IS. HE IS WOUNDED, ISILUD. WIGLAF HAS 'TAKEN HITS', IN MILITARY PARLANCE, HE IS TEETERING ON THE MORTAL COIL, THE ACTIONS OF US HITTING HIM REPEATEDLY HAVE CAUSED THE REACTION OF ALL HIS ORGANS RUPTURING SIMULTANEOUSLY, HE. IS. WOUNDED.

"Fuck you, Isilud," Wiglaf rasps with his dying breath.

Isilud teleported above us, found Alma magically, descended deeper into the monastery in order to, somehow, reach the top level, where he found a chocobo he had presumably kept there despite the fact that we had never seen one...

Why does he need the bird? Why doesn't he just plot-teleport away further?

Then the rock goes in the sky and starts talking and I dont' get the screenshot.

But it repeats the first line anyway here. Also look at Mercurio's mouth lmao

oh nooo

Powr. Pour. Pwr. What the fuck. Why would you take the e out of power. Who does that? Who would ever do that? I guess Tom Slattery saw the distinction between Shakespeare sometimes using 'verbed' and 'verb'd', you know, the first being two syllables and the second having one because, you know, he used iambic pentametre a lot, syllable count is really important, and I guess he just figured, hell, apostrophes! Those are Shakespearean!

then he teleports away because, you know, fuck it.

so let's do that again.
Fortunately you can save between stages, but this time instead of Muriel, who joined us willingly, we get Penelope, a rude bitch who breaks Thurio's katana, leading to the revelation that he does about as much damage punching as kataning.

The WotLocalisation changes 'Germonik' to 'Germonique', which is the most perfect microcosm of its design philosophy.

You know what I think he's tired of? The illuminati running him the fuck through.

People reduced to 0 HP this update: Isilud, Wiglaf
People subdued: Alma
People slain: Simon

We return to Dorter and to more words and to the worst thing. The guys trying to get out of the rain own, though.

You can read the scriptures if you hate yourself. I don't.

The scene is quicker if you say yes. You win.

He doesn't expound on it if you say no. He's just 'this is important wooo'. Whatever.

Upon leaving Dorter, a cutscene to catch up with Delita, a man who actually has agency, unlike us. Watch it because it's pretty. Ovelia, you will note, also has an inoffensive VA, lending credence to the fact that Mercurio's the only guy with a bad VA.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMDwioDiESc&fmt=18

If you hadn't noticed, this is the point where it becomes clear: Delita's insane.

I finally get my second mythril gun. I can see why they made each shop carry different things but in practice it's a lot of savescumming to avoid random battles because fuck that. These are bags. They are bad and ludicrously expensive. We will not be getting one - not least because I can't afford it. Yes, even picking the bodies of random recruited guys clean, we're struggling to keep up with the equipment treadmill.

Thurio and the gang find a castle on a sixteen-day marathon. I don't understand, either.

then i accidentally wander into araguay woods

ALRIGHT GANG LET'S PLAY AN EXCITING ADVENTURE OF 'WHAT UNEQUIPPED GENERICS CAN WIN A RANDOM BATTLE'

oh my god lmao arnald came with Reequip

"Why is Optimise greyed out?" you might ask, to which I would reply, 'fuck knows dude lmao'

Then it turns out that Caspar ALSO came with Reequip.

were doin this
were makin this hapen

ahahahahahahaha

We accidentally discover Falgabard on a seperate marathon.

Then some cave. And kill some bandits. Whatever, it's all for the cash.

You can read the scriptures in the Chronicles if you really want.

Germonique is Judas.

Jesus is evil, Judas is good, this game is like, so deep, guys.

Maybe St. Ajora is Marche. We also learn that He was executed at the Golgol Mehbrahtu Gallows, the same place that we fell into Gaffgarion's trap. That would be like if we still used the cross Jesus was crucified on as an execution site.

the edge is real

It's been annotated by Elder Simon, and we actually get his backstory here. It's a shame it's never touched upon elsewhere, because he actually comes off as an interesting character.

I run into a random battle in Zeklaus four different times - on the fifth I'm like, fuck it, sure. We'll see what's going on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3zjz0EbFNM

What.

What??

WHY??

fucking hell

they're all levelled in the teens, by the way.

why are you here guinness

i left you with the most kickarse clan in all ivalice

past ivalice

with the airships

and foreigners

We can turn him away. And I am tempted. But I want that Ice Brand.

Man, fuck this game.

Guinness can poach things, like thieves. Poaching new and exciting animals means this guy talks to you and sells you shit, but he looks like a thumb and I hate him, so whatever, bye, that's an update, no kill counter

 

 

[Laura]

what is.... Luso doing there.....

Edited April 20, 2017 by Princess Lore

[Punished Dayni]

....

So somehow the main guy from FFTA2 is in this game. And I'm pretty sure Mercurio was attempting to hit him with that sword.

Who knows, maybe there might have been a FFTA title on PSP at one point,

Also, the plot's taking the obvious religious symbolism and going the expected route, isn't it?

And you can't drop Luso afterwards?

[Parrhesia]

You can ditch anyone apart from Mercurio at any time, including preventing them from joining. Which only happens after that conversation, so it's entirely possible that Mercurio can be like "hey yeah sure Luso you can come along! welcome to the team olde buddy" and then they walk offstage and you refuse to let him join.

[Mage Knight 404]

Hi Luso, bye Luso.

[Omegaprism]

Slag him all you want, but Luso is actually a pretty good addition to your army. He comes with built-in poach as long as he's in his squire class, and he gets the same growth bonuses and unique skillset that Ramza/Mercurio does. Is it all that original? No. Is it incredibly useful? Yes, and a sight moreso than the other crossover characters you're going to run into.

[Radiant Dragon]

Luso was included in WotL simply to promote the upcoming FFTA2, kinda like Roy in Melee.

[Parrhesia]

yeah i only actually looked at guinness' skillset in like act 4 lmao

Yeah he literally is the Mercurio Supersquire with innate Poaching. Annoyingly this includes Chant which ruins the little symbolic motif of it.

[euklyd]

Guinness doesn't talk in ye olde englishe; that alone is a reason to use him.

[Parrhesia]

Update 27
In Which We Grog a Hill

POSITIVITY ALERT

Spoiler

 

Let's grog some hills, boys. It's time for the best chapter in the game, coming hot on the heels of the worst and about to be sandwiched by the other worst.

This mission genuinely owns, too. We stumble into some deserters from the war. They're done with fighting. It's raining. We're in some shitty hills in the middle of nowhere - they got relocalised to Grogh Heights but come on, GROG HILL owns.

And these guys are shellshocked as fuck, too, and paranoid. We somehow haven't actually seen any of the war - this is the second-closest we'll get to it all game. But the casualties are insanely fucked up.

And then this guy, First Chemist, has a plan.

Bluntly, they've already committed to having their lives suck forever. It really is better, by this stage, to gamble on the goodwill earned by finding us.

And here's the thing - for the first time in ages - hell, probably the first time since early Act 2, with the Travails of Chuck Hatsman, we're the ones pitted against a plucky, ramshackle group of underdogs.

And we are going to kick the fuck out of them.

This guy has the second sword in the game. He has the sword that fucking Argath came with.

The effect isn't quite complete across the squad - their armour's all up to date, for example - and I'm not totally sure Paige having Equip Crossbow wasn't randomly-generated (she does need a lot of Archer JP just to be a thief) - but in any case, these guys are really bad at fighting.

Ironically, they're probably more threatening than the Standard FFT Battle Formation, largely since black magi can't hurt two of our guys, and they have gun chemists.

Hilariously, they do actually take out Mercurio.

Being hit by weak attacks actually helps Portia and Selkie out - 30 damage for 1 speed (at a 75% chance, anyway) is a trade I'll take anyday.

Out of revive range. Revive height tolerance is, in fact, for some reason, 0. Mercurio is un-Revivable.

Agrias' damage is fucking unseemly.

Our numbers are just Too High, by design.

Okay, admittedly; guns.

Agrias is quite good.

Despite Thurio hilariously having to rush between the two fast dying people hurling phoenix feathers about, we win handily.

Anyway; that's why Grog Hill owns.

And, with that, I believe we've killed the final squires in the game!

Then there's the sound of footsteps.

Mercurio's not exactly happy with how it panned out.

Orran, if I've not mentioned it before, is the son (or maybe nephew or something) of El Cid. El Cid was the Southern parallel Barbareth - as a result, Orran's the, like, third or fourth parallel Mercurio.

Orran's alright. Ish.

Rather abruptly, Mercurio turns to leave - then turns back.

And that finally puts paid to Mercurio's hopes of basically ending the War on his own.

So what better to do than tell Oran about the Illuminati?

Ah, there it is - adopted son, as opposed to Mercurio being the bastard son.

Shout-out to Orran's retinue, by the way - they're just standing loyally in the downpour.

Even Mercurio recognises that Literally Judas probably isn't going to be his star witness here.

Grog Hill. A good chapter, in which the gameplay backs up the narrative, ending with a hope spot for the protagonist.

Guess the interns wrote that one.

KILL COUNTER

Whoo, finally got this thing exorcised. Worthy of note is that we've officially killed our last squire! Ten of them, all in all. For reference, we've killed thirty-eight knights, twenty-seven archers and three Gaffgarions.

 

 

[Dandragon]

thanks interns

[Mage Knight 404]

See, I told you Orran's on the level. I sure hope his message gets through unimpeded!

(forgot about this map for half a minute. Good ol' classic "are we the baddies?" map)

[Baldrick]

Is Orran wearing a hat, or is it his hair?

[Augestein]

It's hair. It's just how the game's art is. Mustadio actually has hair like that. 

[Parrhesia]

orran has the ultimate footballer haircut it owns

like grog hill

Edited April 22, 2017 by Parrhesia

[Etria]

Huh, weren't there more musings about nobility during fights? Or did that whining asshole from the first chapter not count (whatever his name was. Something with an A.)?

[Parrhesia]

Argath. I think I missed one from Milleuda earlier so it should actually be five.

I'll correct it eventually.