Arcanite Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Nym said: I think I'll rewrite Chapter 1, or at least, do a few modifications to it at some point. I don't know when exactly but I'll do it for sure. Great! Well I look forward to that, and I'm also going to get started on chapter 3 pretty soon ! Edited May 30, 2017 by Arcanite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 I wonder what will happen in chapter 4. I seriously can't wait Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Just now, TheSilentChloey said: I wonder what will happen in chapter 4. I seriously can't wait Any feedback on chapt 3? I tried to change a few things (mostly character's emotions and such) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 28 minutes ago, Nym said: Any feedback on chapt 3? I tried to change a few things (mostly character's emotions and such) I think for the most part it worked, although I would say that a tiny tactician returning home would be a little more excited by the fact she's home. Doubtless she'll get swamped by her family when they do see her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 (edited) 43 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: I think for the most part it worked, although I would say that a tiny tactician returning home would be a little more excited by the fact she's home. Doubtless she'll get swamped by her family when they do see her. Oh actually, I did that on purpose :) Edited June 20, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 22 hours ago, Nym said: Oh actually, I did that on purpose :) I see, well then I am sure that Nym is in for a shock when he finds out she's not only Chrom's wife, but the Princess of Plegia as well . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Sorry it took so long for me to get caught up. I do think the last couple chapters showed an increase in quality and more focus. Not sure if you want to retcon it, but you could make Rezzy a redhead; that way she'd be more distinct from Chloey, who is also blonde. "Color coded for your convenience" can be a nice way to set characters apart visually as well as by personality or other methods. The "inside out" part could probably be cut, maybe you could have inner-monologue for Nym, but not have the emotion-characters, which takes you out of the story a bit. It may be a matter of preference, but the characters do have a bit of potty-mouths. Cursing is fine, but should be saved for when it's to show a real dire situation or otherwise give emphasis to a situation, and always in dialogue, but I think that you only did that in the last couple chapters, so that's good. Some of the minor nitpicks are word choice, and having English as a second language can make it tough to tell the distinction. One would be calling a woman or a girl a "chick" outside of dialogue. If a character ways that, that's perfectly fine, but it sounds unprofessional if the narrator does. Another would be saying "the jail was made of rocks". It sounds a bit awkward to a native English speaker, and saying "made of stone" sounds more natural. Nice work, and I'll try to be able to catch up quicker next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 (edited) 54 minutes ago, Rezzy said: Sorry it took so long for me to get caught up. I do think the last couple chapters showed an increase in quality and more focus. Thanks for that and I'm happy to see that this please you! And I said many times, I can understand you having less time to read them because of your kids. 54 minutes ago, Rezzy said: Not sure if you want to retcon it, but you could make Rezzy a redhead; that way she'd be more distinct from Chloey, who is also blonde. "Color coded for your convenience" can be a nice way to set characters apart visually as well as by personality or other methods. I can do that easily since I'm planning on rewriting a few parts of chapter 1. But that also means your kids will be readhead? I could also just make Rezzy dyed her hair after Chapter 5 (since I have a special thing after Chapter 5). 54 minutes ago, Rezzy said: The "inside out" part could probably be cut, maybe you could have inner-monologue for Nym, but not have the emotion-characters, which takes you out of the story a bit. Yea, I kinda went the wrong way with that one... 54 minutes ago, Rezzy said: It may be a matter of preference, but the characters do have a bit of potty-mouths. Cursing is fine, but should be saved for when it's to show a real dire situation or otherwise give emphasis to a situation, and always in dialogue, but I think that you only did that in the last couple chapters, so that's good. Some of the minor nitpicks are word choice, and having English as a second language can make it tough to tell the distinction. One would be calling a woman or a girl a "chick" outside of dialogue. If a character ways that, that's perfectly fine, but it sounds unprofessional if the narrator does. Another would be saying "the jail was made of rocks". It sounds a bit awkward to a native English speaker, and saying "made of stone" sounds more natural. Nice work, and I'll try to be able to catch up quicker next time. Thanks! I'll take note everything and try to correct the mistakes asap! Edited July 9, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, Nym said: Thanks for that and I'm happy to see that this please you! And I said many times, I can understand you having less time to read them because of your kids. I can do that easily since I'm planning on rewriting a few parts of chapter 1. But that also means your kids will be readhead? I could also just make Rezzy dyed her hair after Chapter 5 (since I have a special thing after Chapter 5). Yea, I kinda went the wrong way with that one... Thanks! I'll take note everything and try to correct the mistakes asap! I would lean towards a straight retcon for the hair color, unless there's a compelling plot reason for hair dye. Just randomly dyeing hair would be an odd thing to do from a storytelling standpoint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Rezzy said: I would lean towards a straight retcon for the hair color, unless there's a compelling plot reason for hair dye. Just randomly dyeing hair would be an odd thing to do from a storytelling standpoint. Fine then @Rezzy @TheSilentChloey @Arcanite @Rex Glacies @DisobeyedCargo Everyone! Now story Rezzy is redhaired along with her kids, I'll make the modifications for chapter 2 and chapter 3. (not for chapter 1 since I plan on rewriting chapter 1 and I'm lazy :P) I also removed the ''inside out'' part, was WAAAYYY too dumb to keep. Edited July 9, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Set up chapter I see. I can't wait to see what happens next! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 29 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: Set up chapter I see. I can't wait to see what happens next! Actually, I wasn't done editing it. You see, instead of writing on Docs and copy pasted it and edited on SF, I write it on my notebook firest then rewrite it on SF. You should wait that I tell you it's ready before checking it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 1 minute ago, Nym said: Actually, I wasn't done editing it. You see, instead of writing on Docs and copy pasted it and edited on SF, I write it on my notebook firest then rewrite it on SF. You should wait that I tell you it's ready before checking it out. Lol Nym don't you see that I love the speculation more than anything else? Fun is certainly being had that's for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 Just now, TheSilentChloey said: Lol Nym don't you see that I love the speculation more than anything else? Fun is certainly being had that's for sure! Wait what, I thought you were talking about chapter 5, were you talking about chapter 4? Oops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Just now, Nym said: Wait what, I thought you were talking about chapter 5, were you talking about chapter 4? Oops. Lol I sure was mate!! Though I do like chapter 5 so far. There are some minor errors but given that it's hot off the press I would expect that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) 4 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: Lol I sure was mate!! Though I do like chapter 5 so far. There are some minor errors but given that it's hot off the press I would expect that. was mate? Is that an Australian phrase? Thanks, I'm working as fast as my hands paws can work! Edited July 13, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 1 minute ago, Nym said: was mate? Is that an Australian phrase? Thanks, I'm working as fast as my hands paws can work! Yeah that's Aussie also you're most welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) 16 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said: Yeah that's Aussie also you're most welcome! I keep that in mind for later on, Chloey saying ''thanks mate'' while Nym responds ''Merci!'' to her XD Edited July 13, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 9 minutes ago, Nym said: I keep that in mind for later on, Chloey saying ''thanks mate'' while Nym responds ''Merci!'' to her XD That would be fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 14, 2017 Author Share Posted July 14, 2017 1 hour ago, TheSilentChloey said: That would be fun. I finished! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 It's a good chapter. And the set up is interesting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Just now, TheSilentChloey said: It's a good chapter. And the set up is interesting Chapter 4 or 5? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Chapter 5 dear Nym. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 1 hour ago, TheSilentChloey said: Chapter 5 dear Nym. Thanks! Next one is gonna be hot. I'm planning on the rewritting soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 On 7/16/2017 at 0:32 PM, Nym said: Thanks! Next one is gonna be hot. I'm planning on the rewritting soon enough. I look forward to seeing what happens next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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