Feedback for: Fire Emblem Heroes: Warriors From Across The Realm (Story Collection)

[escotanner]

So a little over a month ago, I started a series called Fire Emblem Heroes: Warriors From Across The Realm. Basically, it's about Fire Emblem Heroes and it stars all of the characters I have so far. I would appreciate any constructive feedback. Thank you for your time. Here's the link to the story collection:

 

[SoulWeaver]

Well, I'll jump in, I guess, hoping this isn't necroposting(If so, sorry Mods, probably won't happen again). Not a lot to say, but hopefully it helps.

You mentioning every Hero you've pulled between entries actually detracts from the possible suspense involved - if we don't know you got Tobin between Entry 19 and Entry 20, that lets you spring him on us when we aren't expecting it, or create some unique tale to explain how you obtained him as opposed to 'oh, I did well in the Tempest so now I have Tobin' or some other relatively lame explanation. Make up something about how you heroically saved him from something involving the Tempest, and as payback he agreed to give you a hand with your cause. The same can be said for any Hero you just Summon - if the point is you're making it some kind of special Story, you don't need to be pinned down by the rules of no new Heroes unless you Summon them. You could just as easily win someone through a minor skirmish or something else along those lines as an example. Heck, you could even bring other Summoners into the mix if you really wanted to and win a new Hero through some kind of bet with one of these other Summoners - it's not like FE itself hasn't done weird stuff like that with the Awakening OutRealms and the Einherjar involved. Your sentence structure and grammar could also use a little work, but it's pretty decent and I can follow along without any trouble - there are just some moments where it feels a bit jarring because you used a period when a comma would have been fine or some similar thing. Overall, it's a good idea and I'm probably going to steal the concept for some of my own writing work.

[escotanner]

19 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Well, I'll jump in, I guess, hoping this isn't necroposting(If so, sorry Mods, probably won't happen again). Not a lot to say, but hopefully it helps.

You mentioning every Hero you've pulled between entries actually detracts from the possible suspense involved - if we don't know you got Tobin between Entry 19 and Entry 20, that lets you spring him on us when we aren't expecting it, or create some unique tale to explain how you obtained him as opposed to 'oh, I did well in the Tempest so now I have Tobin' or some other relatively lame explanation. Make up something about how you heroically saved him from something involving the Tempest, and as payback he agreed to give you a hand with your cause. The same can be said for any Hero you just Summon - if the point is you're making it some kind of special Story, you don't need to be pinned down by the rules of no new Heroes unless you Summon them. You could just as easily win someone through a minor skirmish or something else along those lines as an example. Heck, you could even bring other Summoners into the mix if you really wanted to and win a new Hero through some kind of bet with one of these other Summoners - it's not like FE itself hasn't done weird stuff like that with the Awakening OutRealms and the Einherjar involved. Your sentence structure and grammar could also use a little work, but it's pretty decent and I can follow along without any trouble - there are just some moments where it feels a bit jarring because you used a period when a comma would have been fine or some similar thing. Overall, it's a good idea and I'm probably going to steal the concept for some of my own writing work.

Alright. Thank you so much for your constructive criticism...I'm not being sarcastic. Seriously, thanks.

[SoulWeaver]

Yeah, no problem, man! As a semi-writer(as in I write when I remember to), I know I usually like it when people tell me what I can do to improve provided they're polite about it, so I generally enjoy giving others a hand