screenshot I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!

[KnightOfNohr]

I love Gotoh's reaction.

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me."

"Um...I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I know, you're much to lame to have collected all the starshards..."

"Actually we did."

"whut."

Also: THIRD PAGE! What a milestone!

Edited August 22, 2017 by KnightOfNohr

[Saint Rubenio]

Hey, Luke.

What?

Damnit, Luke!

Whaaaaaaaat? But whyyy?

It's been far too long since I last used my axe and damned you, Luke.

You've ran out of ideas, have you?

Come, now. It's great to go back to the basics sometimes. Speaking of which, I think it's about time I tried to kill you.

But you said Gotoh deserves to die more.

Yes but he's God knows where investigating Gharnef. I'll kill him when we see him again. In the meantime, I'll slain you.

...what a "great" plan.

Welp! Time for me to go get some cute girls for myself!

Damnit, Luke!

Yes... what he said.

...

Part 26 - Aeible.

On 23/8/2017 at 1:14 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

I love Gotoh's reaction.

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me."

"Um...I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I know, you're much to lame to have collected all the starshards..."

"Actually we did."

"whut."

Just another reason for me to hate his ass.

Also: THIRD PAGE! What a milestone!

Wohoo!

Spoiler

As usual, since there've been no votes, I'll let Pretzel buy Xane's bullshit. It's very in-character for him, after all.

What a sophisticated idiot. And the former's just because of the monocle.

No, seriously, why is Marth not the King? Is it ever explained? Am I forgetting something? I can imagine all the veterans looking down on me in disdain but seriously! Is there a good reason Marth is not the King? Is it because he's not married to Caeda yet? Well, then if anything, SHE wouldn't be the queen.

Emphasis on "finally". It's been, what, two or three real time weeks since Altea fell? Feels like an eternity. Thanks, Gotoh.

I don't like to call him Gato. Mostly 'cause gato is "cat" in spanish. And I love cats.

Abel, what an asshole. He coaxed Eibel into trying to inflict little damage to our units. Wait.

"One of"? It's been our main objective since chapter 5! The rest came later!

Jesus he looks awful. Holy Christ. The hell's that on his hair, near his ear?

This guy is so stupid and one-dimensional. I respect everyone's opinion, but I can really understand why most hate this fool. Why is this guy is more important for Altea and Marth than Arran, Cain, Draug, Frey, Abel, anybody? They could've made the avatar just another character with little dialogue!

Maybe then, we'd have gotten a Cain and Abel convo.

He wouldn't be a handful if your most trusted subordinate had anything resembling grey matter inside his thick skull.

Today's free stuff. Not bad, not bad! Another flycatcher, a weak, but accurate and critty sword, another cola, and a really good bow. That last thing's going to Castor, post-haste.

First things first. Cecille died, as you probably know. So I'm replacing her with... Robert of all people. No, no, c'mon, trust me, his growths are great, better than Cecille's in some areas.

Besides, he and Leiden have a conversation. That's interesting. Please, don't tell me you've already forgotten his name.

This time, I do remember to deposit the cards inside the convoy. I'll try to make Marth do the shopping from now on. If everything else fails, at least Marth can't be benched with the cards.

Matthis hops back on his Dragon. With the shield, now he's got even less to be worried about.

And with that out of the way, it's promotion time.

Dice's not my best unit, but he's still great. The awful accuracy is a rather big problem, though, which is why I'm not reclassing him to Berserker.

Now, Castor's going to the drill grounds. Don't worry about the funds, I've a plan.

Yeah, the plan's as simple as getting the money for the staves in the arena. Why?

Not bad, not bad at all! His offensive stats are amazing. I just wish he was a little more defensible, but his promotion ought to fix that.

This doesn't matter that much, because...

Castor's place is not on a horse. He won't be as versatile as Matthis, but he'll probably become just as lethal given the time and resources.

Like so. Look at that bow. 30 crit, 9 might... shame it's so brittle.

Inventory management. You should probably be able to make out who's who by their weaponery.

Then I sell all my useless stuff, like iron swords, the divinestone, and the wing spear. Sure, sure, the wing spear's awesome, but I'm not going to use Caeda ever, so why bother to keep it?

Behold!

Matthis' very own Spear of Suicide! Now he can kill Lena even more reliably!

Then I hand him a hand axe because I'm not feeling like wasting this magnificent lance in two maps.

Ahem, no pun intended.

Alrighty! Noone's in the mood to talk today, so let's just go.

Look, it's Est! That it is. Can't blame you though. Your stats suck so much ass. They probably sent a meekly level 1 Soldier and you got wrecked.

Look, it's Hector! Except he isn't, but if he was in the DS FEs, he'd probably look something like this. Although, I think he'd have pupils...

This is more interesting. Kkkkkccchhhhhh indeed, the General guarding Est will turn her into mince meat no matter what. Hell, he'll turn some of my own trained units into mince meat with that killer lance of his!

Hahahahah. You do not know who you're talking about. Marth is, after all, a weak, idealistic child.

Knowing me? It'll probably be a parade of failure and misery.

Oh look, it's Mr. Cl--

Cline! Sorry, corporations! You won't sue me! Not today! Hah hah!

By the way, just a little remark, I can't be the only one who thinks of elephants whenever he reads this guy's name. Seriously, it sounds like an elephant's name!

Silly you, Marth. This is FE12. Everyone has to be on our side. Except for Lorenz. Why give us Mr. Cline and not Big Boss?

Sounds reasonable enough.

Eh... I don't know if that's such a bright idea.

Dolph is the first of the myriad of bad prepromotes with awesome growths the game throws at you, starting today. They exist for the sole reason of giving these dialogueless characters from Shadow Dragon a few conversations. They didn't even try, either. Dolph and Macellan don't ever talk to each other! Still, for how much flak they get for it, I like their appearance. They looked awful before, but in the DS games they look badass. In my humble opinion, at least.

Ahem, okay. As a unit, Dolph is... not that bad, actually. His defense and offensive stats are mediocre, which is better than those of some other people. Dolph can be of some use in this map. His growths are not the best out there. They're nothing special, aside from his speed which is abhorrent. He can become somewhat decent if you train him, but nowhere near Horace. He is better than his brother-in-arms and a few others, though.

This is the main reason I forged the Spear of Suicide, which I keep thinking of as the Spear of Justice and, rest assured, at some point I'm going to call it that and fail to notice it.

There we go. Turn one, and we no longer have to worry about these stupid Ballisticians. I marked Abel's range, too. He won't kill himself trying to inflict chip damage to Matthis.

Bad thing is, now this guy can reach Feena. And he's got a ridersbane, too, so Leiden's not a viable solution for that.

Quick update on the western front. Marth, Pretzel, Robert and Marth will be taking care of that. It'll mostly be up to Matthis, though.

Remember how I said Leiden wouldn't work because of the ridersbane? Well, I checked, he's got no chance of getting critted, and the poor loser doesn't even two-shot him. So I place him here to draw the ridersbane rider away from the others.

I ended up covering Feena with Dice and Castor. They shouldn't die, although--

Wait, why is Dice using the poleax?

NOOOOO! Not this again! Not again!

Thanks for not killing him, although now he'll just get healed. If only I could kill the Bishops without aggroing Abel...

Or, better yet, if only Abel didn't have such terrible stats and got killed by almost everyone in one round...

Noooooooo! Don't hit! This can't be happening again!

C'mon, third time's the charm, it's got to be!

But... he went for... Castor? What? Why?

Yes! The Bishops are healing! It's over! Dice lives to see another day!

Looks like third time WAS the charm.

Time to slaughter these imbeciles.

We break out the heaviest weaponery. I refuse to lose somebody to these idiots!

Good, good. That's good.

That's... arguably better. It's like Elrean and Etzel are fiercely battling over who will become the tankiest magic user. I've nothing to say, keep at it. But get some more magic, please.

Speaking of Etzel. He crits this guy because of COURSE he would. Why would they leave anything for Athena?

Surprisingly enough, it is Leiden who actually leaves somebody alive for Athena to claim the experience. I'm actually really liking how Leiden's progressing. He's, like, my best unit. When I was in need of some laughing, he provided me hilarity. When I was in need of killing many enemies quickly, he critted them all. Now that I'm trying to go slowly and train Athena, he's actually holding back. You're a good unit, Leiden. Don't let any tier lists tell you otherwise.

Please, do get a lot of stats.

Nice! Pretty damn great.

Jeez, no! Not healing! We can't afford to!

Hah hah hah hah hah!

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

HAAAAW HAAAW HAAAAW HAAAAW HAAAW!

Now he's literally unstoppable!

But please, don't kill everyone. Let the others feel like they're slightly useful.

Good, these guys can't reach him. Now they'll have to go for Dolph.

See, you know somebody's awesome when you start to devise strategies to protect the enemy from them instead of the other way around.

Dolph, please. You can't even double this guy. And you'll never do with your growths!

A Mage dies at the hands of Matthis, but that's fine. He isn't the most valuable pile of walking experience around.

Oh maaaaaaan my flier got critteeeeeeeed by a Snipeeeeeer 3 whole damage! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

1 HP. Best Jeigan.

Except fortify. Rrrrrgh.

More healing. Press on, everyone! We're getting closer to the shop!

I, quite literally, need nothing but staves. We've enough tomes to get to chapter 17, and by then, I'll have gotten another large bullion in chapter 16, one I won't have to spend so quickly because I don't need any more forges or drill grounding.

Yeah, for once, I got it all planned.

If you look real closely, you can see Leiden hanging out at the very edge of the Sniper's range.

Also, Robert's training commences. I hope to give him a few levels before the chapter is over.

Jesus Christ, Dolph would get killed by this random Knight if his 1% crit procced.

Equip this javelin, Dolph. I don't want you to accidentally crit and get a kill.

Commence operation MST (Matthis Slaughters Thieves)!

LOLph.jpg

This poor guy keeps desperately trying to shoot Matthis down.

Matthis retreats to the villages. I wouldn't want to trigger any unexpected reinforcements.

Pretzel finishes this guy off because I don't really have anything else to do. Dolph takes a chug from his vulnerary so he doesn't die to a crit.

Good. You didn't fail miserably this time.

You know, if this game had Thracia's capture system, I'd spare this fool's life. He's really trying.

Next Thief. Only one left, now.

Pretzel and Dolph bring the killer fool down to a single HP.

Hah! Look at that. Putting the bamboo sword to good use.

Oh god his skeleton is broken.

Back to the eastern front. I'm tired of the enemies being too scared to attack, so I bring the battle to them.

Castor opens the assault with flying colours.

Elrean follows suit.

Then Leiden does amazingly. Good work, good work.

Okay, this Sniper will now move and attack Leiden, and then I'll give Athena the k--

Uh... well... that was a bold move, I'll give you that.

Seriously, how the hell did Castor manage to always get average, three-stat level-ups and still be this great? I can't understand. I'll have to look his progress through carefully.

That guy should've given up a long time ago. He's never going to kill Matthis.

Last Thief is down. Operation MST is a complete success!

25 strength! He's a powerhouse! Oh, and he's guaranteed to cap HP. Whether he caps it before the level cap depends on the RNG with those +2 HP level-ups.

Here, Sniper. Have a target you can actually do any significant damage to.

Relieve yourself.

Then Dolph weakens-- noooo! C'mon! I don't want to give you levels!

Oh well. A few turns pass without much going on. As you can see in the last picture, Marth is heading east because I always forget that nobody has droppable keys for Est anywhere near her cell. Meanwhile, I send Dolph, Pretzel, Matthis and Robert up to block the forts before the reinforcements--

GAAAAAAAAH! Pretzel! This is exactly why I was blocking these forts. Matthis aside, this group gets pounded to the ground by the enemy.

Pretzel survives with one HP. Think about it. The Avatar, the infamous overpowered Mary Sue of this game, would've gotten one-rounded by a random Horseman had he not been standing on a fort.

I was expecting many things from this LP, but Matthis being the MVP and the Avatar, the worst unit of the team? That was certainly not it.

Sadly, I've no way to feed this kill to Robert without allowing another Horseman to spawn and finish Pretzel off.

We're on a timer here. Matthis can take on them all just fine, but... I'd rather save a few of them from killing themselves by fighting Matthis. The rest of the crew needs the experience more!

To that end, Feena gives him a boost. She's capped speed now. She just needs some more HP and she might become an actually decent frontliner. As in, I wouldn't be too scared of leaving her inside the range of the enemy.

Here you go, Yumina. Time to free Est. And also open the way to Aeible, which is ten times more useful.

By the power of the green mucus, I open thee!

Leiden doesn't die to a crit, which is why he's going to take the threshold. Also, Est gets the hell out.

Speaking of Est, she's been blue for the entire map, but without any weapons and nowhere to go, she might as well have been a green unit. Therefore, I'll consider her to have been "recruited" now. Which means, I can finally rip her apart!

Est is one of the worst units in the game. She, unlike guys like Dolph, Macellan, Tomas, fucking Sheema... has no use at all. She recruits noone (Abel can also be recruited by Marth), she has no weapons, and as a unit, she's repugnant. Her growths aren't even so great! Sure, 80s in s/s/s, that's awesome, but 60% HP growth? 30% defense growth? That's awful for a character with her terrible bases! Est is about as useless as the wolfguard and Midia. And all of those guys get one-rounded by everything in their starting maps. But, you know, at least the wolfguard scrubs give you a bunch of free silvers, and allow you not to LTC Hardin. Est is a bad unit on her own right, can't compete with anyone, and doesn't bring anything remotely interesting to the table to even warrant a spot in the bench.

Leiden and the General cripple eachother for life. Except Leiden will have recovered by the time the second door opens, while this guy will die shortly.

Marth hands over an armorslayer to Athena so she can kill the guy, while Etzel heals up Leiden.

This was a stupid risk, but I was tired. Also I made a save state and had she been killed, I wouldn't have told you.

Nah, but really, I was just impatient. Wearing him down with Dice would've taken just one more minute.

Healing, dancing, oh look no more reinforcements. Now I can make Matthis go out and kill the reinforcements.

Dice dodges these flies. Good, thank you. I won't have to heal you just yet.

Matthis will stand here and destroy anybody who tries their luck against him.

I always run out of things to say in these boring ass movement shots.

The first fool dies under Matthis' lance. A few of the Horsemen, terrified, decide to retreat.

Get out of here, Bishop. Your swarm tome is slightly annoying. But this? This is precious. A mend staff! And of course, I fucking send it to the convoy. And, no, I can't get it back, Marth's already on his way back to the villages.

For some reason, these two dumbasses decide it's a good idea to attack Castor. Leiden's right there!

Another idiot tries to attack Matthis. But there are more Thieves on their way!

Commence operation MST II!

See that stray Horseman in the last picture? I'll use Dolph to weaken him for Robert. Maybe I'll be able to give him this kill.

Leiden sends this guy's limbs flying and...

Whoa. You've come a long way, have you not Leiden?

More crits. You guys mind leaving a shred of experience for Athena, who actually needs it? No? Okay, fine, whatever you want.

Healing and-- C'mon! Why? This is uncalled for!

Slowly but surely, we're moving forward. Soon, we'll face Aeible.

What...?

WHAT!?

Since when do fucking Horsemen raid villages!? WHAT?! I'm not making this up, this really is what happened! I... has anyone ever seen this happen?

GAH! Why does nothing ever go as planned?

Arrrrrrghhhh!

(To be continued. I forgot to crop half the update, and it's getting late. Damned driving school, taking away my precious time. Tomorrow, the conclusion of this chapter and preparations of the next).

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille

*Retreated.

Edited August 24, 2017 by Rubenio

[KnightOfNohr]

Ah, the Bamboo Sword. The infamous Stick Dao!

Also, when you address someone in a sentence, you separate the proper noun or pronoun from the rest of the sentence via commas. (Etc, do you not, Leiden)

[Punished Dayni]

12 hours ago, Rubenio said:

No, seriously, why is Marth not the King? Is it ever explained? Am I forgetting something? I can imagine all the veterans looking down on me in disdain but seriously! Is there a good reason Marth is not the King?

I assume it's because Archanea essentially vassalised the rest of the nations in some attempt to unite all peoples within one nation, so Marth never got the chance to crown himself.

Also, WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HORSEMEN CAN RAZE VILLAGES? WHAT? WHY OF ALL CLASSES HORSEMEN?

And that crown always looks stupid, can't stand it on Pretzel Stu.

[Saint Rubenio]

Hey, Robert!

Huh?

You used to be a Horseman.

That I was. Why?

Did you ever raid any villages?

No... why would I? I strive to protect the powerless. Horsemen usually are not the kind of people to destroy a village full of innocent people.

Hmm. I can't understand... Oh, well. We've more important matters to attend to. Maybe I'll ask Beck later.

...?

Part 27 - Ai(r)ball.

On 24/8/2017 at 2:00 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Ah, the Bamboo Sword. The infamous Stick Dao!

Also, when you address someone in a sentence, you separate the proper noun or pronoun from the rest of the sentence via commas. (Etc, do you not, Leiden)

Yeah, I thought that sounded weird. Thanks for the info.

23 hours ago, Dayni said:

I assume it's because Archanea essentially vassalised the rest of the nations in some attempt to unite all peoples within one nation, so Marth never got the chance to crown himself.

That makes sense. But I can't thank you, this means I've one less thing to complain about on a daily basis. Damn you, Dayni! Now I'll have to trash talk Gotoh even more!

Also, WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HORSEMEN CAN RAZE VILLAGES? WHAT? WHY OF ALL CLASSES HORSEMEN?

I'm going to guess he was from the other village, and since there's bad blood between them, he just charged at them like a madman.

And that crown always looks stupid, can't stand it on Pretzel Stu.

I'll count that as a vote against it. But you've got to admit, it's very in-character for him to be an idiot and fall for Xane's deceit.

Spoiler

Okay! So, last time, the game trolled me by making this aleatory asshole raze the village to the ground. I wish I made that up, I really do.

Damn you! I will avenge those innocent Alteans!

D'oh! Dolph, you're the worst tank ever!

Finally, experience for Robert.

I'll feed this guy to Robert as well.

But first, I wouldn't like Dolph to die to a Thief. Get healed, you incompetent light bulb!

Aaaaand HAH beat you to it.

Mm. Thank you truly.

Well, as it stands, you certainly do.

Strength for Robert/Athena. Not too shabby.

There you go, Robert. Please, do get a good level-up.

Great! Good way to begin your training. But you've a long way ahead of you.

If you remember, the eastern team was about to begin the assault on Aeible. To that end, Matthis disarms himself and sits inside Abel's range.

Leiden, meanwhile, will weaken these enemies for Athena.

Don't worry, Abel. I forgive you. In fact, I'm going to spare your life!

I dance for Est, but before moving her closer to Abel, I consider my options to kill this Sniper. Of course, Matthis would wreck him, but I'd really like to give this kill to Dice. It'll net him a level-up.

And--

...

I uh...

My finger slipped and I made her try to talk the Sniper down. And, predictably, she failed.

...

You know? I initially considered going back and pretending this never happened, because (pretty much because of habit, but also just in case I skip a quote or a line of text) I keep savestating all the time. But, really, how could I ever be so heartless to deprive you of this once-in-a-lifetime chance to laugh at my incompetence?

Well. No matter. We can still do it. I can still save face!

Again, I could just demolish him with Matthis or Castor, but I'd rather do this. Don't worry, I've got a plan for Abel.

Jeez! Why are the enemy Snipers so crit-happy today?

Don't you dare die, Elrean!

And down goes the asshat!

Res? How rare. Anyway, this level-up would be bad for anybody else, but Dice needs skill more than anything at this point, so it's fine.

Okay, now Abel will beat his wife, just barely fail to kill her because he's a terrible fighter, and then she'll talk him into our team.

WAIT WHAT?! No! Matthis attacks his sister, Elrean attacks his master, Etzel attacks the guy he owes, FE11!Wendell attacks his pupil (not that it made much sense for Wendell to attack anyone to begin with), Samson attacks his soon-to-be beloved Sheema, and yet this fucking asshole decides he doesn't want to stab Est?!?!?!

Miss! No! Damnit Elrean, this isn't the time to be competent!

God damnit, that was the most ridiculous blunder I've made thus far!

But you know what? His life would've been ruined by the end of the game anyway, and the result would've been the same, but slower, and more painful for all parties involved. This way, he can join Cain, Arran and Frey in peace.

Goodbye, Abel. You used to be great. Now you just had a personality.

And of course, the level fucking sucks. Gah!

Oh well. Only one thing to do, now. Abel as a unit.

Abel is crap. His starting stats are bad, especially his HP, in which he sports a whopping personal base of 1. He joins late in his chapter. This means, unlike Dolph, he can't even tank a couple guys before heading for the bench. And his growths? Basically, Dolph but with speed. Which isn't that remarkable. Of course, Abel benefits from being favoured by most people, me included (sometimes), but since I'm mentally challenged and was unable to make Est talk to him...

Okay, time to move on. Feena's capped speed, so her levels will look worse from now on.

Leiden--

And Athena--

Whoa. What an oddly successful generic Fighter. But he couldn't escape from his fate.

Etzel flings a physic in the general direction of Athena.

Wow.

Just... wow. You keep getting these, Etzel, and Elrean's going to feel bad.

Hell, I think he already does! Etzel's already tankier (thanks to his sky-high resistance), luckier and more powerful than him. And he has B staves on top of that!

Jeez, the components of your class are renowned for their dodging potential! Can you stop getting hit? Who do you think you are? Fir?

Pretty bland Myrmidon level-up. But, sufficient.

Ow! Dangit!

It's a good thing she had the levin sword equipped. I can safely finish him off before healing her, which is convenient. I guess.

Then this guy goes for Leiden. Typical. These stupid Archaneans and Abel are insanely suicidal, I tell you.

Oh look. How nice of you, Leiden.

You're a good guy. Don't let the haters tell you otherwise.

Pretzel refuses to be useful. I can't understand, he has >50 growths everywhere, yet he insists in getting these awful level-ups.

Time to get some cash for staves. Robert hands over the starsphere.

Training montage! Play your favourite training song.

These are the fruits of Athena's labour. We lost a mend, but who cares, we're about to get a bunch. She got defense! That's pretty good.

Now, it's Robert's turn. Give him back the starsphere, please.

...yeah, that didn't go so well. I lost all the cash because Robert was unable to beat anybody.

This is why I've been carrying around the bridge key. I sell it to get just enough for...

Matthis to try his luck! Obviously, he wins, but even he's having trouble.

In the end, I just make him fight for a couple of rounds and give up because this crap's really tedious. Pretzel got a bad level-up, nothing to see here.

So I send Marth on a shopping spree! I get a lot of heal staves, and a couple of mend staves. We're set for life! Or, well, a few chapters.

And now, it is time to draw in the rest of the enemies around Eibel! Abel's death shall not go unpunished!

One of the perks of being a foreigner reading text in english is that I don't have trouble telling Eibel and Abel apart. In spanish, Eibel would be pronounced very much like in english, while Abel would be something like "Ah-bell". This has nothing to do with anything, but hey, you love these little facts I keep telling you, right? Right?

Well nobody has told me otherwise, so fuck you all. If you hate me, that must be because you are wrong. Not the other way around. That would be inconceivable.

How cute, these guys think they can kill Matthis.

Feena dances for Robert. He'll be bringing down the General.

Matthis! This is not the time to hold back!

Better. Thanks, Dice.

And Robert takes the cake.

This happens, too. Hmmm. I wonder...

Hahahah! She critted the asshole! Unbelievable. Her first, and most likely last, battle is a crushing victory!

Before we take on Eibel, I'd like to make sure these idiots don't heal him. Robert does the honours.

That's all right. He needs the defense.

I think it's about time we reenacted the battle of Araphen.

And...

Down goes Hector!

"...Lilina... Let me... see you... just... once more... Hrk...!!"

Good. I'll give you the energy drop. Keep at it!

This again? Oh well. But get some more defense please.

Marth is not impressed at Elrean killing Abel. Because it's Elrean's fault, most certainly. Damnit Elrean!

I'm sure guys like Feena or Castor, who've no reason to still be here with us, have been eagerly awaiting this moment.

That you did, Marth. The game would've been over so quickly had you grabbed the Falchion before leaving Altea.

It's a good thing you didn't, then, but I'm still going to nag you for it.

Oh wow, sepia flashbacks! Looks like my OP wasn't the only place where this technique would be used during the course of this LP.

Most certainly, that would be a foolish idea. However, it would be much more foolish to leave you in charge of anything.

Good thing Jagen is here to make sure we stay focused.

This won't factor into anything. We still just go right in through the main gates.

Yeah! Hopefully Falchion will still be there! Although honestly, at this point all I really care about is that sweet large bullion.

Yeah, please, do tell us.

D'awwww, really? Who could've forseen this?

Hahahahah. I have a gift for taking unintentional yet perfect blinking shots, it seems. Pretzel, you have failed to impress your liege with your stupidity utter dedication to your job.

Yes, please.

 

 

 

And we're off to the interior!

This isn't the narrator quoting anyone. This is the narrator speaking for him/herself. It seems the narrator hails from Altea, as well.

The cheese is strong with this one.

I do wonder how this would've played out if Sheeda had been dead.

...nothing? No changes? I guess they do not mention her name, after all, but... what other girl is there to wipe away Marth's tears? Athena?

Yeah, I'm gonna ship those two from now on. I'll have to have Sheeda killed now.

Yeah, a few weeks, to be exact.

Oh man, a Jagen judgement is upon us! I don't really get this one. I think it's just a general judgement on the Avatar's overall stats.

As usual, we got the worst option. You know what I realised? We've gotten all the worst options when Jagen himself was the one judging Pretzel, but when he was absent, Marth for some reason decided Pretzel was awesome at magic. What I'm getting at is that, Marth is bad at judging others. After all, he's a weak etc. etc.

Okay! Let's see if anyone's feeling like--

Uhhh...

Things! Throw that away, Athena, that's putrid!

As usual, we got crap and more crap. And then some more crap.

Okay, no more waiting, A quick reclass later...

Athena! It's time for you to show everybody why you're more than just a female Wallace!

Great stats. There's a reason why Falcoknights are exclusive to women and require a special item: they're awesome. Somebody with access to the Falcoknight class will never need to go back to Swordmaster ever again. She doesn't just have A swords, but because Falcoknights have a higher lance rank, she can equip javelins right away. Unlike their GBA counterparts, this class is just pure win, scientifically speaking.

She takes a few things (I'm not sure why I'm giving her the silver sword and not the lady sword. Meh). Particularly remarkable is my decision to give her the Iote shield. As hilarious as it is to see Matthis be invincible, he does not need it as much as she will.

Some more inventory management. I later gave Etzel the barrier staff, as well. It'll come in handy.

Also this. Why? Because Jeorge's stats are throughoutly awful one way or another, and I'd rather he had more movement to go knock some sense into Astram's hard skull without having to stay too close to the frontlines.

Matthis, too, goes back to the basics as he reclasses to Paladin. I like this class' caps better, and the extra HP and resistance will allow him to be even more invincible overall, as even Mages will have a hard time wearing him down now.

To that end, Matthis puts on the talisman. 9 res, holy crap. This guy is awesome. Yeah, yeah, I know, I've said that about a thousand times by now. It's a fact, is it not?

By the way, just a little fun fact: ever since I saw this, I can't help but think of the word "talisman" like this. Spoilers for Gabriel Knight 1.

Spoiler

I love this game's voice acting. Absolutely hilarious.

More stuff. Dice gets the speedwing, which will give him an edge in battle, and Robert, as promised, gets the energy drop. Yumina takes Pretzel's rescue staff because he's not coming today.

And that's it! Tomorrow, we reclaim castle Altea. See you--

Gaah! Hwaargh! Don't scare me like that!

Oh God, it's a training conversation.

You won't catch up to anybody. You got your husband killed! The only reason we're talking right now is that I foolishly picked you over Cain in the prologue!

Actually, there is an enemy you can't strike down, Est. Several, in fact.

Leiden! My man, you're all right, I tell you. I can even forgive you for another training conversation.

Not really, he's been in the main team ever since he joined us.

The willpower's debatable. The vitality... eh, I suppose so, his HP is huge.

No, not really. Pretzel here's just a control freak with no real power to back his fixations up. He even tried to seize the role of main protagonist, but failed hard by being too bland and unlikable!

Yeah, very important indeed. You forging bonds with your comrades means they get to speak and develop. That's really the only reason I'm only benching you in half of the chapters instead of just throwing you away permanently.

He doesn't seem very convinced. Maybe if he stays al--

NOPE! NOPE! Nope nope nope not saying it! You're not going to make me say it! I forbid all of you from saying it! I refuse to get Leiden killed! He's the best guy we got!

Okay. That was a close call. I'll go to sleep now.

Blistering barnacles, does it ever end?!

Goooooooooooooood yet another accursed training support! Goooooood, as in, screaming "God", not "good".

Nooooooo it's dumb central! I don't want to read through this!

Grumble grumble. Gyargh.

Good, good. You may have a severe lack of grey matter, Feena, but you're still better than Pretzel by a mile.

Yeah, pragmatism is awesome! I'm having so much fun reading this crap, I won't even try to pretend to be communicating with the characters like I do in every other conversation!

Huh. What's this about a "special" dance?

Uh... that's... interesting, to say the least.

Nope, I'm a normal guy who only cares about generic 3D waifus. Must... preserve... dignity!

Although honestly, being the weirdo I am, this kind of generic-ass seducing comes out as just boring to me. Be a little creative, damn you! I can't see your boobs, I'm not distracted enough to ignore that you can't imagine to save your life!

Yes I'm probably going to die alone. I've long since accepted that.

Argh. There's no way this could get any worse.

Oh, forgive me, Pretzel once again exceeded my expectations when it comes to sucking a big D. Pretzel! You're not me, sitting in front of a computer looking at a tiny mugshot of a fictional girl! You're in front of a sexy woman more or less asking you if you wish to get laid! Grow some damn spine! I can judge others for doing what I once did! That's how genial I am!

Oh. Would you look at that, she actually has standards. I'm... I'm speechless. I really would have never forseen this one.

Well, yeah, that's all I've done ever since he started to disgrace the very name of Gary Stu.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know that the male counterpart of Mary Sue is Gary Stu, I just couldn't be arsed to say it right. Does anyone have a problem with that?

I think by this point the silly goose has a raging boner that won't be deterred by the blockade. He probably isn't even mad, he most likely hasn't had enough of this, and last but not least, he's certainly not going back to his "training", precisely.

And that's half of the conversations out of the way! Tomorrow, the rest of the supports, and chapter 16. If we can liberate Altea without losing anybody, I'll be profoundly grateful.

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

Edited August 25, 2017 by Rubenio
I forgot to add Abel to the death count

[KnightOfNohr]

Training music? (Puts on "Way of the Platypus")

As for the narrator, my theory is Jagen. IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! 

The "special dance" has been an official FE meme since The Blazing Sword.  Eliwood and Ninian's C support.

[Franp3]

I take back my prediction about Matthis. His 26 def and 60 hp will make sure he stays.

Also, Frey died. YOLIEM (You Only Live In Easy Mode)

On 24/8/2017 at 8:34 PM, Rubenio said:

Don't worry, Abel. I forgive you. In fact, I'm going to spare your life!

He sold his homeland, betrayed his liege, chose the worst Whitewing, TRIED TO ATTACK MATTHIS, and you spare him? you're the kindest person i've ever known. Or just played a lot of Undertale.

On 24/8/2017 at 8:34 PM, Rubenio said:

Can you stop getting hit? Who do you think you are? Fir?

Dude, Fir is the dodgiest myrmidon in the GBA games, or at least she's always been for me.

On 24/8/2017 at 8:34 PM, Rubenio said:

Training montage! Play your favourite training song.

 

On 24/8/2017 at 8:34 PM, Rubenio said:

This has nothing to do with anything, but hey, you love these little facts I keep telling you, right? Right?

I do, but mostly because i'm a native spanish speaker myself.

 

On 24/8/2017 at 8:34 PM, Rubenio said:

Yes I'm probably going to die alone. I've long since accepted that.

That makes two of us. Can I give you a virtual hug?

 

[KnightOfNohr]

He refers to Fir due to the "axe magnetism" meme, where Fir gets hit by axe users despite the odds being largely in her favor. I don't know how that started, though.

[Saint Rubenio]

...

...

What's going on, Ruben?

Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to comprehend how the hell did Matthis become so strong.

And?

I don't think even Einstein would've figured it out, considering his average growths even with the Drop, but either way, I'm glad it happened.

But most importantly, I'm glad I didn't use you! Hah hah hah!

...

Part 28 - Master plan.

On 25/8/2017 at 2:11 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Training music? (Puts on "Way of the Platypus")

Strange choice... I like it.

As for the narrator, my theory is Jagen. IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! 

Whoa, it really does. Good theory, allow me to borrow it as my own headcanon.

The "special dance" has been an official FE meme since The Blazing Sword.  Eliwood and Ninian's C support.

Ah. Huh. I was not aware. Probably because the last dancer I ever really used before this LP was, well, Feena a few playthroughs ago.

 

14 hours ago, Franp3 said:

I take back my prediction about Matthis. His 26 def and 60 hp will make sure he stays.

No, stop it! You're jinxing him!

Also, Frey died. YOLIEM (You Only Live In Easy Mode)

I just realised I've now killed every single one of Marth's crew of Cavaliers, not counting Draug and Gordin because they're obviously not Cavaliers. I'm a horrible person.

He sold his homeland, betrayed his liege, chose the worst Whitewing, TRIED TO ATTACK MATTHIS, and you spare him? you're the kindest person i've ever known. Or just played a lot of Undertale.

Well, I tried, but failed. Maybe I subconsciously wanted him dead?

And I haven't played Undertale. In fact, I've grown to rather dislike it, because of the absolutely gruesome fandom and in my opinion terrible humour. Not saying you're an asshole if you like it, but by God did I get tired of everything related to live-a-live and Mother being filled with UT crap. By now, it's degenerated to the point where there are more "I'M FUCKING TIRED OF UT FANBOYS" complaints than there are actual UT fanboys, but the result is the same. Dumb fans are the worst that can happen to anything.

While we're in the subject, did you know I loved Mother 3 before it was cool to do so? Yeah. Braggin'.

Dude, Fir is the dodgiest myrmidon in the GBA games, or at least she's always been for me.

Likewise, but like KnightofNohr said, I was just referencing the FE6 LP that can be found in the lparchive, in which she kept getting hit by handaxes and the LPers ended up calling her an axe magnet. I do believe that is the source of the meme, but don't take my word for it.

*Rocky*

How positively unimaginative.

I do, but mostly because i'm a native spanish speaker myself.

Yeah, I know the feeling. Somebody FINALLY called out the 'muricans for their JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJector crap, eh?

That makes two of us. Can I give you a virtual hug?

*hug*

May I join? I'm feeling a little down as of late.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure...

...what did I expect...?

Spoiler

Today's Yesterday's free crap. Sorry for not updating yesterday, by the way. I was really tired. Blame the driving school.

Anyway, Caesar's so wrong it's amazing, yadayada, Rody's delusions, blah blah Beck's a brony all of sudden. Except he isn't, but I'm sure many people can no longer see little ponies the same way anymore. It's like, the word "führer" which used to mean "leader" but now it means "Hitler, the devil, destruction, death and agony".

Anyway, let's see what our least favourite failure is up to.

Ah. He's being bland with Athena.

Wohoo. She now knows what reconnaissance means. I wonder if she'll ever get to use that word.

I would like to be of service to you as well, Miss Athena. Eh? Eh?

...what am I doing? Only real women are worthy of my attention! So said normal people! Must... hang on to... shreds of... dignity! Gaaah!

Oh well. There it goes.

See, one thing I really like about Athena is her design, it just screams "out of place". Look at her, her eyes, her hairstyle, those... things under her eyes, even the shape of her face is completely different from everybody else's. And her clothing's just plain exotic. For how much flak Shadow Dragon got for its artistic style, I think Athena's is an amazingly designed character, and she does not lose this feeling of exoticness in her New Mystery artwork. Overall, I think all the new Shadow Dragon characters were very well designed, except for the part where everybody has to die for them to ever be met. But still, good work, artists.

Until Heroes where they just made her a Fir lookalike. Of course, this is just my opinion. I just... really dislike her heroes artwork.

Also, I think Pretzel should teach her not to refer to herself in plural before the meaning of reconnaissance.

It is indeed.

Pfffft. What?

I mean, I get what she's going for, but she failed spectacularly.

Looks like even Pretzel found it funny! Oh wait, never mind, he's just doing his training. God damnit, another training conversation?

Bah...

...!

Excellent! It's Elrean.

Oh boy, here we go.

Unless you're a healer, then that's the only way to become stronger.

Just like that. Holy crap, Elrean.

Honestly, if I was Merric I would've given up trying to befriend you a long time ago. But, Merric, much like his old friend, is a weak, idealistic child.

What's this? Is Pretzel turning the tables on Elrean? No, don't do that, I don't like you as much as I like Elrean! And Elrean's an unlikable dickhead!

He's got a point, Elrean, my friend. How are you going to retaliate?

Well, you are right now.

That makes two of us.

Bwahahahahahahahah. Pretzel ruins this perfectly hilarious ending to the conversation by saying something else. I'll save you the trouble.

Okay, I initially considered kicking Elrean out for Jeorge, but decided to bench Dice instead. I fear the day I'll have to bench four of my badasses to make way for four scrubs.

I make him give away the elfire tome for a heal staff. If he needs more power, he's got his Thoron.

And with that, we go reclaim what's ours! Or, well, Marth's!

Wow. Whoever is in charge of this place is really incompetent.

Pretzel, you aren't even coming today. Heck, you were the first I sent to the bench when I noticed Robert couldn't get in!

That must feel really disgraceful. The deuteragonist, shafted for one of the most forgettable characters in the entire game.

Hello. Who's this?

Indeed, Marth. I, too, would've prefered somebody else.

You will fight. You have a bow and are...

Wait, he's worse than Jeorge?! Impossible!

Yeah, Macellan's nothing like Dolph. Unlike Dolph, who can at least tank in his joining chapter, Macellan can't fight to save his life; his growths, while good, are pretty much a carbon copy of Horace's who joined with better bases 7 chapters ago counting the gaidens; but his bases are his main, crippling flaw. He has worse bases than Sheema! Fucking-Sheema! All in all, if you train him... eh. I once used him as a Hero and he turned out pretty good... but not before I sunk thousands upon thousands of gold in the drill grounds to bring him up to level 14. That's how bad his bases are.

More talking! Willow? Wow, he got old. And tall. And generic. He is still a magic user, at least.

Wow, this plan is bad. Not as bad as the abominations the assasins spout out of their degenerate minds, but... you do know that we don't need the whole army to unload chests? In fact, I believe the treasury would be a great place to wait them out, considering there are not one but two chokepoints to use!

If so, you've already lost. Who put this guy in charge?

Anyway, here's Astram. Unlike his fellow Heroes, he won't double anybody, but thanks to his A sword rank and Mercurius, he'll do more damage than them in one hit. Which makes him overall less of a threat than they are. He still destroys Jeorge and Macellan like everything else in the map, so I better be careful.

Leiden will head west to retrieve the Geosphere.

Meanwhile, Matthis will, as always, lead the offensive by killing this Thief.

Maybe I should've placed Castor there, but other than that, we're fine. In maniac, that asshole sniper has a longbow, but here, only the Heroes can attack us right away.

Gah! That was closer than I would've liked, but at least that's two Heroes that have wasted their turns.

Ahem, sorry, let me correct that: that's two Heroes that will survive the turn, which will allow me to feed them to Robert or somebody else in need of experience.

Matthis uses his normal, 3 might javelin to almost kill this guy. At least he's close to capping strength. He won't ever be able to one-round people with his javelin. I'd rather he left something alive if I want him to.

Run away!

Robert takes the Hero out, and...

Jeorge talks to his fellow blond regalia wielder.

Hah. Ever the resentful, eh Astram?

No, no you won't.

Jeorge is employing the same tactics Marth used to recruit him.

...well actually, now that I think about it, Marth just told him he didn't want to fight, and Jeorge just... kind of recruited himself. So he's technically employing the same tactics he used to recruit himself. Or, you know, he is actually speaking with his brain instead of with his sword hand.

And you didn't find that suspicious at all!? You're better than this!

Oh, okay. Of course. The guy with rotting skin, red eyes and an evil streak told you that Nyna was "ill" and you just believed him.

Enough fooling around, Jeorge. Hit him where it hurts!

He's on the ropes! Finish him!

Come, now. That's a good plan and you know it, Astram.

Oof, the guilt trap! He's done.

Hush, Jeorge, he's thinking it over.

Fair enough. And now we got the badass who's been pursuing us for so long!

Except, not quite. What we got is a fool with stats comparable to Jeorge. And Jeorge can't do anything at this stage of the game. His one redeeming quality is his A rank in swords, which allows him to use Mercurius. But, honestly, pretty much anyone else is more worthy of it. And unlike Macellan, he can't turn good if you give him a thousand level-ups, because his growths aren't very good. He's just bad, through and through.

Contribute to the cause, Jeorge, even if only insignificantly so.

Matthis moves forward and destroys this guy. I don't want him and his 30~ crit to reach anyone not called Matthis.

Macellan insignificantly contributes to the cause as well. His strength is slightly better than Jeorge's, but only because I reclassed the latter to Horseman. That's... honestly just sad.

Meanwhile, the best prepromote in the game shows them both up by singlehandedly destroying this hero. D'aw, c'mon! I wanted to give him to someone else. Like Marth. Marth's in an urgent need of experience.

I took this picture much too late, so allow me to explain what is going on: Elrean is healing Castor.

Athena goes up and finishes this guy off, but... I'm still really, really worried about that killer Sniper nobody can reach.

I use this thing (well, I only said I wouldn't use the rainbow potion. This is in no way overpowered like that other thing). This isn't going to end well, is it?

Oh, and it doesn't matter at all, because Jeorge is still in range of the Sniper. Well. So long, Jeorge. You were rather useful back in Khadein. And you brought Parthia to us!

Oh, he didn't get critted.

He didn't get critted! Something finally went my way! Yes!

Also, the speed potion didn't matter at all because Marth wouldn't have died either way. Heck, if anything, using it was detrimental for me, because now I'll miss out on some healing experience.

Oh shit I forgot to move Leiden while I worried about the Sniper! Noooooo! Move, post-haste!

I don't want Willow's forces to come out just yet.

Go defend the treasury, Robert.

Jeorge celebrates his survival by retrieving his stuff and shooting an arrow at this Hero while Astram glares angrily at him. These are his former comrades, after all.

You know, I would've liked it better if Astram's deal was like Sheema and Samson. He'd only join you if you spared his partners, and they wouldn't attack you after he became blue.

Look at them go! These two make a good team. They're equally terrible. Except Jeorge joined eons ago and Macellan, well...

And Athena does him in.

The Sniper finally manages to hit someone critically. Shame that someone's Matthis. It might be for the best, though. That crit could've been Matthis', and Matthis does not need any more experience. I've been overusing him way too much.

But, can you blame me? My Matthis is the best unit I've seen in a while.

Yumina puts the Sniper out of his misery.

Not even I know what's going on here.

Oh, right, Marth chugs a vulnerary. I really need to work on my timing, these healing shots always come out wrong.

No! Leiden can't reach the Thief! And he's leaving next turn!

At first I thought to use another warp charge, but then I noticed...

It wasn't necessary.

What now? No escape for you!

Robert starts to kill the Thieves surrounding him. I'm glad they didn't try to attack him, his defenses are lackluster.

And the Geosphere is ours! It's more useful than the Lightsphere, I'll give it that, but it's not as good as the Starsphere or even the Lifesphere.

Nice. Pretty good.

Robert kills another Thief. He's ready to level up!

Anybody else feeling déjà vu?

And Castor kills the last one.

Hahahah, awesome! He's almost as deadly as Matthis, but not quite as tanky.

And now... I've a plan that'll put Matthis' combat prowess to the test.

But first, the deadweight has done enough. You guys can chill here and catch up while Macellan takes a nap.

Okay, we're ready to begin the second phase of the chapter.

Bring it on, Willow!

I've always found this scene rather interesting. It seems Dr. Griffin is the one pulling the strings, not Willow. This reference should prove to be harder than the previous ones.

Here come the enemi--

Jesus! That's way too close. Good thing Leiden's the man.

Okay! And now, the time has come.

Mwah hah hah hah! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAH! They're walking corpses, each and every one of them!

Sufficient. Etzel's quickly turning into my best magic user. Maybe I should make him fight more often.

Not from here you won't, my friend!

See, Willow's mistake was to consider this a battle of intelect, not brawn. It's, in fact, a battle of both. I provide the intelect and the strategies, and Matthis has more than enough brawn to make my plans a reality.

And down he goes! No, I don't know why I made an edit for him. Unlike with Eibel, I didn't have a reason for it.

Because, in case you didn't notice, I tried to emulate Hector's wounded sprite in FE6 with Eibel's death edit. Kudos to you if you noticed that!

Capped strength. This guy, I swear.

Also, level 15 already? He's not just going to ram the level cap, he's going to crash into it and shatter the entire foundation, allowing everyone to level up to 100 and beyond!

Nah, actually, he'll just ram the level cap and proceed to waste all the experience I'll feed him. And I will not regret it in the slightest.

More treasure. This one's great.

Athena and Leiden take on the Warriors.

Elrean, meanwhile, takes on the eastern lot.

Castor finishes this guy off and gets dangerously close to the enemies coming from the throne room. That certainly won't become a problem later.

Whoa, 10 defense for Feena. She just needs some more HP. And strength. And a weapon rank. And maybe then, she'll be an okay fighter.

And that's it for this wave's Warriors. Holy crap, Yumina. She has a 15% defense growth, this isn't normal!

Robert waits here to defend Feena.

And that's it for the player phase. Hopefully nobody will die now.

Matthis' DA TALISMAAAANNN allows him to survive this.

That always brings an idiotic smile to my face

.

GAH oh thank God.

Wow he one-rounded him? That's amazing.

Elrean does get hit, but not critically at least.

Damnit Bishops.

Good work, Robert. Home stretch now. Quite literally!

Matthis and castor get blasted with varying degrees of potential success, but an equal real outcome.

These two advance, and I just realised Castor would be dead had he not dodged the Warrior's arrow.

About time things went my way. But there's some chapter left still. Something will happen. It always does. Just because one thing goes well doesn't mean everything will.

Bleeh.

The Sniper critted Matthis, actually managing to leave a dent on him. I mean, they have done away with less than two thirds of his healthbar, but it's still more than what most mooks can do.

Annoying-- stop wasting MY fortify charges!

You're going down.

There we go! I managed to save 11 charges. Not too shabby.

And now, Matthis gets some healing. Those idiots will learn what it is to have to fight a boss. Except this one's at Hardin's level of strength.

The second Warrior that came out of the throne room meets his end.

Amazing! Athena's now as durable as Leiden.

Robert takes down this Mage, and that's it for the enemies. Another round of reinforcements will be coming from the south, but it's nothing to be worried about.

Healing, and treasure. This isn't too useful.

And this turn's round of swarming takes place. It's slightly more effective than the last one, but still throughoutly futile.

And now... it's time for these two to fall. They fought well, better than most, but Matthis is much too powerful.

And down they go. Only the Bishops are still alive. I think I'll make Matthis kill the Physic guy just so he doesn't keep wasting MY physic charges, and feed the others to Robert.

The magic is useless, but luck and defense are both excellent gains.

There we go. The only thing standing between me and victory is the last batch of reinforcements.

Here they are. Robert tries to bring down the first Warrior, but fails to hit critically.

So Feena helps him finish him off.

Yumina and Leiden get crits that vary in usefulness. Try to guess which one's the good one. If you succeed, you'll demonstrate you know your FE 101.

Life and death. The map's basically finished now.

But first, this. I'll let Matthis sit on the throne again. It'll make him virtually unkillable.

Elrean gets healed, and...

Treasure time! Another shaver tome for Etzel to get those sweet guaranteed crits, luck, speed and vendor trash.

Robert begins to move up. He'll be taking on these guys.

He does so in flying colours. Literally!

Déjà vu, anyone? Not complaining, though. This level's great.

And there we go. That's it.

That's... it? Is this it? A map where everything went my way? No...

HELL YEAH! A MAP FINALLY WENT PERFECTLY!

Marth celebrates by getting a "special" dance from Feena while Matthis and Robert look. Feena gains strength from it.

It... it really went perfectly. I almost can't believe Jeorge is still alive.

And so, Marth reclaims his homeland, his best man behind him. Pretzel is, of course, nowhere to be seen.

Marth is unimpressed at the thought of having reclaimed Altea. All he wants now is to find Elice and give her a couple of bitch slaps for calling him weak, idealistic and childish.

Scratch that, not everything went my way. I was expecting Gotoh to remain absent for longer. Damnit.

Marth's like "sheesh, does trouble ever end?".

Nah he's just pulling a fast one on you.

And Maria. I wonder why he doesn't mention her.

Gee, thanks for the help, Gotoh.

"I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but your sister has been kidnapped by Gharnef"

"What?! Where are they? What does he plan to do with them!?"

"That, I do not know. I'm just telling you because."

Oh, never mind, he does tell us where Gharnef is. Except, he doesn't, he just tells us where he thinks he is. Because after aaaall this time and reports of her not being anywhere to be seen going as far back as to Jeorge's recruitment, I think we can expect her to have already been abducted.

Still, kudos to you, Gotoh. I'm surprised you didn't make Marth win a duel against Matthis using the bamboo sword before telling him that.

Marth realises all the work he's still got to do, and sighs in exhaustion.

Well, not all of them, Lorenz and other 10 of our own men have already fallen. You can't save those.

Hey, Pretzel. I wish I could've been able to forget about your existance.

Yeah, feels like an eternity. We've come a long way since the days I skimmed through the story in two screencaps.

Yeah, nobody remembers this. I skipped this part.

How does one "sense" the enemy presence? Does Katarina really smell that bad? Take a bath, damn you!

Oh, boy. Tomorrow, we do that.

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

 

Edited August 26, 2017 by Rubenio

[Saint Rubenio]

Today, we face Katarina once more.

Yeah... call me mad, but... it'll be great to see her again.

I do not believe she was lying back then. She seemed so sincere.

Sigh. If only Cecille was still with us...

Come, now. Don't feel so down. I'll try to spare her.

That's what I'm worried about. After Sir Abel, I don't really think you're reliable enough when it comes to saving people in need.

Perhaps, but I am very reliable when it comes to murdering people.

Not now, Ruben. Focus on the battlefield.

Even YOU are serious now? Well. I think I better try my best, then.

I pray for your success.

Thanks, Wrys.

Don't worry about it. Go, and save that poor, helpless soul.

Part 29 - The traitor's last stand.

Spoiler

Well, I'm glad they're not trying to be subtle about it.

We open to Eremiah being a dick to Katarina. As usual.

She doesn't seem so convinced.

I can read the sarcasm. Why does Eremiah still send her after Marth, again?

Uh... Gharnef? You might want to tone down that spell of yours. It's working much too well.

She's not even looking at you in the eye!

Yeah, I'm sure it's a good idea to tell her that.

This won't backfire, no chance, nope.

I think I better repeat that I do like the assasins subplot. I just use a generic nitpicking style of commenting because it's all I am capable of doing, apparently.

That said, I stand by my words. Eremiah's way too careless. She's going to be all alone soon enough.

Things. Oh, boy. Matthis got a defense bonus.

30 defense with the bonus. Think about it.

I manage everyone's inventories and sell the bullion. Sweet, sweet cash.

But before we go, let's check on our people.

Leiden and Robert! How are you two doing?

These two are a bit like Noah and Treck from FE6. Which is rather weird, because their sense of fashion does not match either of those personalities.

Bwahahahah. You're always good for a laugh, Leiden, my man.

You know, wearing two right gloves is not something I would've expected from a guy with that jacket and haircut.

Congratulations, Robert. Next time, please remember to join unpromoted so more people use you.

Hush, Leiden! You'll make him forget again!

Please help me, people. Maybe I'm just an uncultured swine, but I've no idea what they're going for here. What gloves could Jagen be talking about? I don't get it at all.

Anyway, what's Pretzel up to... oh, I see, he's just chatting with an old friend. Hello, Katarina.

Astram had an iron resolve and only (relunctantly) defected to our side after Jeorge gave him hard evidence of something wrong being at play. Katarina is a sad sack with wrecked nerves who's just begging to be recruited.

Katarina is harder to recruit than Astram. Oh well. I understand why they did it, anyway. It makes for an interesting chapter.

Very well. Katarina's attack range is as depicted in the screenshot. Matthis will bait everyone out of it.

Errrgghhh. 'Twas not to be, it seems.

Doggone it.

We have to attack, don't we? Unh.

Very well, then. Yumina doesn't crit, but that's fine.

Sufficient.

Robert destroys this guy. He's turning into quite the Swordmaster. Robert, unlike guys like Macellan, at least benefits from joining when there are still some Dragons left. It doesn't make him good, but he's not as bad as those other guys.

Wait, what am I saying? I started using him after dragonland!

Anyway, Matthis and Pretzel weaken Berserkers for units who aren't overleveled as fuck / actually good units to finish them off.

Like so.

Oh, awesome. Another one of Etzel's guaranteed shaver critical hits.

Oh.

Yeah. This is going to be the theme of this chapter: everything goes perfectly and then Deadweight dies.

Okay! This time, I forget to move the rest of the team. So, now Yumina can't reach anybody. Joy.

I am thus forced to do this. Marth doesn't get speed, which makes this level-up crap.

I do all this again. The third picture is just there to show that Robert electrocuted the Berserker critically. The animation isn't very different than the normal attack, he just caresses his sword for a few seconds before summoning the ire of nature.

Oh hey, Kate. She'll kill Matthis in 5 turns. This means she'll never kill him.

More death. Home stretch now.

Blehhhh. Awful.

Let's see-- nope, can't let Matthis keep his javelin to the enemy phase.

Matthis isn't using the Spear of Suicide, but he destroys the enemy anyways.

There we go. I disarm Etzel as well because he WILL crit Katarina to death if I give him the chance.

And-- D'oooohhh!

Screw the conversations, you're getting benched to hell after today.

Aaaaaaarrrrghhh! Don't miss, Matthis!

This happens again. Not much to say, here, the strategy for these first turns worked wonders, so I don't see the point in changing anything. I just need to remember to leave somebody at the rear to protect Deadweight.

There we go. Etzel doesn't crit this time, so Athena helps him out.

God! This guy is worse than Wendy. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I lost him the first time he died.

Again! This ag-- oohhh. Excellent. Thanks, Matthis. I feel better now.

Etzel doesn't crit this time either. Neither does Pretzel. As for Yumina, I'm tired of seeing Pretzel getting one-rounded by the reinforcements, so I leave her behind to stop them for the time being.

And now, Robert and Athena finish these guys off. And Pretzel's not in range of anybody this time! The future is looking bright.

This fool decided for some reason that it was a good idea to attack Etzel instead of Robert. Etzel shows him the error in his ways.

And the Swormaster attacks Matthis once more.

When the player phase starts, Robert ends his suffering.

Matthis throws a critical javelin at this guy, again.

Marth tries to kill this guy, but fails because he's too underleveled. Therefore, Athena does the deed.

Yumina shoots some sharp wind at this guy, and gets the same level-up she got the first time around.

Etzel heals her wounds, and...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! You're such a bad--

Oh, he critted.

You still suck ass.

And now you're dead.

Okay! Again, again, again! Marth tries to contribute and gets this crappy level-up.

Et cetera.

That Berserker can't be blocked, so I make sure Pretzel stays the hell away from there.

Etzel and Athena are attacked by these enemies. This is actually quite good, now I can kill the Sniper safely.

Yumina stands by the entrance of the center of the map again, and physics Athena.

That's the best 5th level-up you've gotten so far. It makes up for Marth's unfortunate attempt at growing up as a unit.

Robert finishes off the Sniper who attacked Athena, while Etzel gets some more staff experience. I'd really like to get a fortify user as soon as possible, and Etzel's my best bet. He should be getting to A rank before we leave Gra.

Also, Pretzel heals his father up. Not that it matters. He's the worst unit I have, and with three other healers, he's also unneeded.

Matthis puts an end to the Swordmaster's struggle. Not that it matters, the other one will attack and the result will be the same.

Here they come! You know, I didn't think this one through as much as I should have. Had she critted, Yumina would've died.

I only realised that once she was already attacking, of course. My heart skipped a beat here.

But she held back her magic well, so she lives to see Athena and this Berserker fight to a stalemate.

Oh, and Matthis decides he's had enough of these swordies. They are no more now!

Matthis and Athena do some jeiganing. Athena has some vast experience on the matter from the prologue chapters.

And we feed the experience to our scrubs! Although, at this point, I'd hardly call Robert a scrub. He's not my best unit, but he is good. Certainly better than our Lords.

D'awww, c'mon, I wanted you to keep getting your generic, forgettably good level-ups. Now you got sometihng different. Oh well. HP is something you very much need.

Marth helps him equip his steel sword through trading so he doesn't kill Katarina.

And Yumina ends what she started. Nice. Honestly, as much as I like him, Elrean's starting to fall behind both Etzel and Yumina. Etzel's just as tanky and has better resistance, magic and staff rank, and Yumina's better offensively and has access to Aura and Nosferatu. Still, I'll try to bring him along when I can, for the conversations.

Katarina wrecks Robert while Athena's Berserker does the same to Yumina. But Yumina, unlike the good Sabre Knight, is capable of retaliating, and does so in flying colours.

And it looks like it's about time to recruit Katarina!

"

"...that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..."

Your stats are better than Pretzel's, I'd take you over him any day.

I just love how Katarina just goes up to Pretzel and starts to chat with him. I know Pretzel initiated the conversation through the talk command, but the scene opens with Katarina.

Etzel gains some more defense. He and Matthis are fiercely the level cap. I wonder who'll reach it first.

Of course, there's the fact that Etzel joined at level 6 promoted while Matthis was initially level 4 unpromoted. Then again, Etzel joined later than Matthis, so it evens out. They were at around the same level when Etzel finally joined us.

Oh. Well. If you put it that way...

If you insiiiiiist...

Repent!

Yeah, back in the day when I still thought Pretzel would turn out well. Augh.

And so, Katarina's suffering comes to an end.

And that's it. No, Marth. He didn't play anything. Say that to Robert if anything.

Yeah! Tomorrow, we resume our quest to reach Archanea.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Katarina

*Retreated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nah, just kidding. I just wanted to show that scene.

I load the savestated I made right after the second recruitment conversation for this purpose, and...

This time, we do it properly.

No, not really. His decent resistance is his only... tolerable stat right now.

Yeah, I don't think I pictured that moment. I wasn't planning on commenting the story in detail. But it's fun to trash talk Gotoh and all that.

Hahahahahahah, this moment I did picture. Jesus, she really was decieving him at the very beginning already.

D'awww. Sepia flashbacks to moments I may have or may have not screencapped and commented. I don't remember when I really started to go through the story seriously.

...oh, part 2. Well. I quickly lost my laziness, that's for sure.

Well, hard to care for that name. I can relate. And I was the one who came up with it! It seemed like a good idea at the time! I thought he'd turn out as good as Etzel!

I like Katarina's attire, except for the inexplicably really short skirt.

Congratz, Sherlock. You've solved the mystery. Shall we move on?

Kris.jpg except for the fact that it doesn't contain any training.

Well, it would've worked for Abel had he survived the Altean battle... c'mon Katarina, I want that Nosferatu tome.

But why would she care at all about what the psycopaths at the orphanage thought of her betrayal?

God, Satan, Buddha, Jesus, Anna, Elimine, and every other deity in existance and fiction help you, Katarina.

And now she's a blue unit. Since she technically joins in this chapter (even though it ends instantly because there aren't any other enemies), I'll talk about her right now.

Katarina's a late Etzel. B tomes and C staves ensure she can use Aura and warp right off the bat, but her stats are a tad low for this stage of the game (although they aren't as low as those of some other scrubs at least). She's a fine back up staff user, finer than the last one we'll be getting. But we don't really need that at the moment. Still, it's worth recruiting her, just for her undroppable Nosferatu tome. We'll be getting another one next chapter, but you can never have too many Nosferatu tomes.

Wow, wow, wow. Weren't you so happy to be back at Pretzel's side just a minute ago? What would he think if he heard you?

"I must go train now".

Yeah... don't... don't listen to him, please. Nobody would benefit from your death.

He's just a weak, idealistic child like that.

It's not a bad plan. Although, I'd keep an eye on her. She's an emotional wreck. That could prove to be dangerous. It won't, but it could.

Start by giving that Nosferatu tome to someone who actually needs it.

What a good speech, Marth. No, seriously, it was good. Rejoice, Katarina. You'll have plenty of time to think for yourself on the bench.

And with that, I bid you goodnight. Tomorrow, a chapter I really like, both storywise, and gameplaywise. I really like every chapter in this story arc (from Altea to Hardin) actually. They're all pretty interesting chapters with fun quirks.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

[Franp3]

101% agree with the Undertale rant.

On 26/8/2017 at 1:50 PM, Rubenio said:

I would like to be of service to you as well, Miss Athena. Eh? Eh?

I'm not very fond of Sain or Gartrie-type characters, but even that would be an improvement over MU's Blank-State Personality™.

Also, I just checked out Athena's Heroes artwork and good lord it's terrible.

On 26/8/2017 at 1:50 PM, Rubenio said:

Yumina and Leiden get crits that vary in usefulness. Try to guess which one's the good one. If you succeed, you'll demonstrate you know your FE 101.

Yumina's Sorry, but my inner nerd won't let me say the obviously wrong answer. Leiden's is the good one.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Yeah, back in the day when I still thought Pretzel would turn out well. Augh.

Ah, the good old days, back when Roderick was alive and Wrys was still bald.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Congratz, Sherlock. You've solved the mystery. Shall we move on?

The New mystery. A common mistake.

[Saint Rubenio]

Good evening, everybody. What do you think of my new hairstyle? It's astonishingly easy to take care of.

That probably is true, you look like you haven't combed your hair in years.

Do you think you could have a haircut like mine?

Perhaps, but not today, I'm afraid.

But... he just...

It's Wrys. Don't question him.

I guess...

Part 30 - Daughter of half of the bosses of Fire Emblem 1.

So. Serenesforest decided that ctr + z means that I want to delete half the update instead of just the last line of text. Soooooooo yeah. I've been all day trying to push this update, so try to enjoy it. If only a little bit.

On 28/8/2017 at 2:54 AM, Franp3 said:

I'm not very fond of Sain or Gartrie-type characters, but even that would be an improvement over MU's Blank-State Personality™.

Yeah, as I think I've already said before, the only one I actually really like is Saul. His support with Dorothy is just pure gold, I swear. It also helps that, instead of just being a bland lovable dumbass like the rest, he comes out as a manipulative piece of crap quite often. And every time, it backfires.

Also, I just checked out Athena's Heroes artwork and good lord it's terrible.

I'm glad you agree with me.

Yumina's Sorry, but my inner nerd won't let me say the obviously wrong answer. Leiden's is the good one.

You're actually wrong. From a certain point of view.

Ah, the good old days, back when Roderick was alive and Wrys was still bald.

Wrys was never bald, he was just hiding his metamorphical hair powers.

The New mystery. A common mistake.

I don't know what's sadder, the pun or the fact that I didn't notice the easily punnable sentence. I was too busy being mad at Pretzel, as usual.

Spoiler

Gra! The country that isn't depicted in the world map in chapter 1's narration, whose king's mugshot was the source for pretty much every promoted boss portrait in the original Fire Emblem, and whose name's, quite bluntly, ugly as hell. It's so bad, we only see this country once in this game. Today, in fact!

Pictured, Jiol and his... daughter? Yeah, this was one of the greatest plot twists in FE3: Jiol, the guy with no wives or descendance anywhere to be seen in book 1, apparently had a daughter.

And this daughter is pretty much the only reason females can use the General class, much like Michalis is the reason males can be Dracoknights.

This was probably before Hardin turned into a zombie, back when he was AGRESSIVELY restoring Archanea.

Awwww, how nice.

That's not nice. Damn you, Grans!

...Graeans? Grains?

Yeah, Grains. Damn you, Grains! You can't be cereal!

...

...

...

Moving on...

So, to sum it up: the Grains realised they weren't the protagonists, and that instead of level 1 scrub axemen, we'd be unleashing level 5 promoted powerhouses on them.

He also had like 10 twin brothers.

No kidding, those guys are pathetic. It's a good thing they're nothing more than walking event flags. I'd feel bad if we actually had to kill them.

Heck yeah, it's another Jagen Judgement. Unleash the criticism!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! These burns! They do not heal! Not in a billion years.

"The enemies may be new recruits, but don't underestimate them".

Don't underestimate them.

Today we got fucking shit down to a "t". Pretzel, give it up. No matter how hard you train, you'll never get enough defense for Jagen not to disrespect you. Hell, you won't even have the chance to do it. You're benched! Do you understand what that entails?

Oh, hey Yumina. Where's your bush? I can't see it anywhere.

Okay, I'll pay attention this time.

Holy crap, it looks like it pains her in the heart. Sit down, I can't let you have a stroke. You're one of my best units.

Of course. Pay no mind to the fact that Marth was the first to try to save you, and Jagen had to stop him. The Avatar is the most marvelousamazing person! YOU, the player, are awesome! Gaze in awe as your self-inserted cock is sucked by a Tsundere loli!!!

"Do not make topics about inappropriate content such as nude images, pornography, gore, etc. This will most definitely result in a ban. Also, please try to keep discussions PG-13."

Ahem. I apologise.

Lang would've kicked your ass. Considering this, I wish Jagen hadn't stopped you.

Yeah, let's not even mention Ogma, the guy who actually rescued you. Or Arran, who helped him get you out of the vikings' beach. Or Sirius, who canonically helped Ogma get you out of the vikings' beach. Nah, the Avatar deserves all the damned praise.

Heartwarming. But what of your brother? Did Pretzel's words help him, as well?

No, she was just mesmerized by your amazing training. God damnit, Pretzel, that's a freakin' stupid question.

I'm starting to get worried, is there a rule for swearing? 'Cause I feel like if there is such a rule, I broke it a long time ago.

"Cursing is allowed, sparingly. However, please take care not to curse in topic titles, do it excessively or otherwise abuse the privilege."

Oh.

Well, I mean... Haddock's curses technically aren't real curses, right, blistering barnacles?

Ahem, whatever the case, let's keep on going, and hopefully, I won't get banned today.

Ah, good ol' Tsunderes. Gotta love Japan.

No, not really. You're way too inferior to her.

Nobody wants to talk to you, Pretzel. It's just that they're forced to either talk to you, or fall into no-line hell.

Hurray. They're friends now. They'll never speak again, mind you, but I'm sure they'll be having some good times offscreen.

And no, that wasn't a dirty joke. What, does everything have to imply sex? If that's so, Matthis has been having a ton of fun during the LP.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Don't ban meeee!

Etzel! The best character! This is sure to make me feel better.

Well, yeah, that's the only thing your son's good for.

Whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Etzel. That's really depressing!

You have a point, but that's not something you say out loud like that!

I've nothing witty to say here. It's a serious moment.

Etzel! Don't say that! We need you! More than we need anyone! Except perhaps Matthis, but even Matthis can't heal like you.

Yeah, Etzel doesn't seem like it at first glance, but he's hiding a very serious depression. I find quite interesting the way they display it, actually. Usually they're much more straightforward with this kind of depressed characters.

Robert! You and your magnificent jacket can't be as sad as poor Etzel. Please, lighten up the mood!

Robert's personality, like Beck's, begins and ends with "my default class is Horseman". Except, unlike Beck, Robert has another conversation to further expand his character. Which is quite ironic, considering Beck is remembered for being one of the unique Ballisticians from Shadow Dragon while Robert's just... kinda there.

How is that bizarre? I thought nobles loved to ride horses and act all high and mighty from atop their saddles. And few things are higher and mightier than your magnificent jacket.

Now, this, on the other hand...

Hah. Good answer.

Pretzel, call me mad, but I think he's suuuubtly telling you to leave him alone. Let us comply.

Inventory management. I left these uncropped so you can see who's who easily. And it also saves me the trouble of having to crop 5 more screencaps.

I give Matthis a killer lance just so his inventory is filled up. Not that he needs it with his 26 strength and A rank in lances.

And we move out! Here are Sheema and... Samson? Yeah, since canonically Marth recruited Arran in Shadow Dragon, Samson was instead hired by Sheema.

A good captain's honour. Sheema, unlike her father, is a very likeable person.

Wow, that happened? Was this ever mentioned in Shadow Dragon? Jesus. That guy was worse than Lang!

If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he intended to use you back then. He's as much of a victim as you are.

This is why Sheema deserves respect. Astram let you kill his company, Jeorge was fine with the deaths of his fellow Snipers, the Khadenians didn't care about the wholesale slaughter of the Mage corps, but Sheema? You lay a hand on one of those hopeless buffoons, and she'll never forgive you. Not that she can do much against you, but it's the thought that counts.

You know, this could've benefitted from Thracia's capture system. There would be way more Gra soldiers, and you'd have to capture them while making sure not to leave your own units too vulnerable for the Archanean promotees to do some actual damage.

Dying is fun? Oh well, if you say so...

I think his reason is pretty obvious.

Heh heh, yeah, suuure. That's the stare of a man who most certainly doesn't "quite get it, either".

Oh but that one's even better. Pffhahahah. She's looking right into his--

Oh, don't you worry your pretty little heads, we'll just kill Hardin's troops.

But first things first, this village. It is of utmost importance that we visit it, post-haste.

It contains an incredibly important character.

I'm not even kidding, I love this guy. Look at that magnificent hairdo! It looks like he combed it twice and called it a day.

But Marth knows you, Tomas! You were in his army last war!

Good choice. With your stats, you would've died just as fast as them had you tried to fight us.

Hahahahahahahah. Amazing. Marth doesn't find this guy as interesting as I do.

Tomas! I love Tomas, if you didn't know. He's the most forgettable character in all of Archanea, being a clone of Gordin appearance-wise. Then FE12 came around and they had to discuss what to do with him.

"hmm, so, we need to give everyone a personality. What shall we do with Tomas?"

"Maybe kill him off?"

"Nah, that won't work, nobody will care at all."

"Hmm... does he have a horse?"

"Nope, he's an Archer."

"Mmmmmmmm. I don't know..."

"Oh! Let's make him a parody of Robin Hood!"

"Perfect! Write a few conversations and let's move on to Sheema."

As a unit, Tomas is bad, but more like Dolph-bad. Much like the latter, Tomas can be of some use in his joining chapter, either killing or leaving this chapter's Dracoknights at one measly HP with a silver bow, and since he joins with one, why not? He also has some pretty damn amazing growths, with basically no weaknesses. I like how they designed Sheema to be the Est-like prepromote while Tomas actually does that better than her. His bases are terrible, though. 13 speed? 12 Strength? 29 HP with 12 defense and 3 resistance? I think everybody but the Grains one-rounds him!

Bottom line, Tomas will turn into an amazing unit if you train him, but... is he really worth the trouble?

In my opinion, very much so. His conversations are great fun.

Okay, finally, we begin the chapter for real. Matthis skewers this Warrior.

Leiden uses Feena's special dance to rush to the eastern part of the map. He'll go after the Nosferatu Thief.

I've sent him after the warp Thief, the Geosphere Thief, the Nosferatu Thief... by the end of the war, he'll be a certified bounty hunter.

Back in the outskirts of Gra capital city, Yumina kills Matthis' Warrior and gains speed and not much else. You're still amazing. And my best candidate to face off against Gharnef, when the time comes. I just hope I won't lose you and the others. It would be really pathetic to find myself unable to kill Gharnef because I lost all my Mages.

Yumina, Yumina I have to keep alive. If I'm not mistaken, she can use the Aum. If everything else fails, I could revive someone.

Robert tries to kill the Sniper, but fails to crit, so Etzel gives him a hand.

And enemy phase! Leiden is attacked by the Warrior, and retaliates critically.

Excellent. Leiden's turning into quite the Paladin. Who would've thought, considering his beginning.

The Sniper goes after him as well. Once again, he retaliates with a critical hit.

All right, player phase. These Dracoknights have flown closer to our position. Look at that. Etzel one-shots these guys and takes minimal damage in return, if he does take it at all! He'll take care of them.

Robert goes back to the main group and kills this Warrior.

Meanwhile, Elrean and Dice go south to kill this Sniper. We're inside! Tremble in fear, Sheema, for we're coming for you.

Wait, what am I saying, I intend to recruit her.

Leiden's great, but silver bows will do heavy damage to anyone not named Matthis. But Yumina helps him with that.

And now he can safely claim the Nosferatu tome. It's ours now!

And with that, we prepare for the enemy phase. Robert makes way for Matthis. Now, the Dracoknight squad will have to choose between dying trying to kill Etzel, and bouncing against Matthis' impervious armor. Athena flies south to aggro the Warrior. I think Elrean could've done it too, but Athena's close to getting a level.

Like so.

Excellent. Keep this up.

...how did this happen?!

The Dracoknights had silver lances. And the Sniper was in range of Etzel. I failed to notice both of these facts. Which resulted in Etzel's death.

We were doing so well...

Not you, Etzel. Not you! We need you! I need you! There's so much to live for! Stay away from the light! Stay away from your wife!

Don't goooooo!

 

Well. I was going to let you guys vote for who should be getting the Aum, but... no longer. You assholes would vote for Abel or something like that. I refuse to let Etzel die like this.

Oh that bastard's going to pay.

Suffer! Damn you, why won't you die...

Have some healing, Athena. I'm not letting anybody else die. Not today.

That means Marth should get healed, as well. It would be heartbreaking to have to reset, just to send Etzel to his death again, intentionally this time.

You!

You're both colleagues of that accursed maniac. I won't let any of you live! Unleash the Spear of Suicide!

This happens, too.

Good. That eases my pain, slightly.

Perish! Only two Dracoknights are left, and nobody is in range of them both.

Feena's so good, she can take a silver lance to the face, and survive. No more, though, we better take care of these guys as soon as humanly possible.

Since she's the only one nearby, Athena protects the second village. We wouldn't want to lose the reward. And the offscreen people, I suppose.

Dice saves Feena.

And Elrean heals her so she can take another silver lance to the gut.

Elrean, this is not what I need you to get. Etzel is dead! Dead! You hear me? I need you to be good! You haven't gotten a single good level-up since you were promoted!

This is... this is going to be one of those days, is it not? Unnnnnnhhh.

Get healed, Marth. It would be such a pity to reset now.

If this was a video LP, you'd hear the utter lack of sentiment in that sentence. But since this is a screenshot LP, I better point it out. In case it wasn't obvious.

Leiden, too. I do not want to lose Leiden of all people.

More Dracoknights arrive. These ones are really poor at strategizing, too. Look at them! They just stopped two steps away from our main group, ready to be slaughtered. Hence, I choose to disrespect them by feeding them to Tomas of all people. Tomas, If your first level is good, you're in. Otherwise, you're out.

Not... not bad. You need a lot more, but... not bad at all. I'll give you some more experience when possible.

That'll be a level-up for Robert. Get your trademark level, my friend.

He keeps on refusing to get defense. I'll feed him Wolf's dragonshield perhaps. But other than that? He's awesome. Keep it up, Robert.

Dice is then attacked by this Sniper and that Warrior. He survives, barely. His defense isn't amazing, but it's okay.

These two are, by the way, the last promoted enemies outside the keep. For this reason, we take our time, wear the Warrior down with Leiden, so...

...Tomas can just barely finish him off. One of these days, my friend. One of these days you'll be awesome. Not today, but most likely tomorrow.

Feena dances for him, and...

...Robert finishes off the Sniper because Tomas can't, and gets one-rounded. Jesus, what were you thinking IntSys? I'm not asking for a Perceval, but at least give him enough speed not to get doubled by everybody.

Tomas will be in charge of opening the door to the Grain keep.

Like so. Matthis, as usual, leads the assault.

Argh! No! Feena!

Good work, Matthis. Amazing. Except for the fact that you do not double this guy, so instead of wearing him down for Tomas, you've done nothing at all.

Other than that... the wounded Warrior has a hammer, which is why Matthis took some significant damage. But he won't live for long.

Fee-- ah, excellent. I forgot Feena's great.

She can't do jack in return, though. Somebody else better help her out.

Somebody like Tomas.

Elrean and Dice once more tag team to defeat the second Dracoknight.

Dice gets this amazing level-up as a result of his efforts. Excellent. This and a secret book, and maybe you'll be ready to go Berserker.

And after a quick dance, Tomas kills another Dracoknight.

Good. Keep this up, and one of these days...

Yumina equips her Nosferatu tome, just in case, and heals Matthis. We wouldn't want him to fall to a puny Warrior with a hammer.

Matthis misses the hammer Warrior. Jeez, Matt, what's gotten into you?

Yumina finishes him off. Show Matthis up, Yumina!

Excellent. 9 defense? With a 15% defense growth? This girl doesn't cease to amaze me. And thanks to the angelic robe I gave her all that time ago, she's almost as durable as Elrean.

She also has B staves, so now that Etzel's gone, Yumina will be the fortifier.

Good, thanks for not missing this. Another kill for Tomas is inbound!

Just like so.

He doesn't do it just yet, though. With Yumina in that spot, I can't make Feena dance for him. And, as you can see, we simply can't let him linger around that corridor for too long.

We wait just one turn, and since the AI is stupid and easily exploitable, the Sniper acts like a wall preventing the Warrios from going after Matthis. Or maybe he just wanted to join the team. Well, I'm sorry, but you don't have a face. Perish!

Feena gets a terrible level-up. Come, now. I know you've capped speed, but you could at least try to get some more defense.

Matthis moves in and strikes the Sniper. He'll be Tomas' next kill. What's up with the terrible level-ups, though? As far as I know, promoting doesn't cancel out the Growth Drop. Matthis hasn't gotten a single good level-up since he promoted. Not that he needs anything else. He's set for life as it is. But good levels are easy on the eyes.

Enemy phase. Matthis does about as well as I expected him to.

Leiden's close to leveling up. Let's help him get the remaining experience, shall we?

Excellent work, Leiden.

Time to distract Samson while Marth speaks with Sheema. Matthis will be taking care of that.

But before that, another level for Tomas. Level up well, my man.

How? How do you get this kind of level-up with your growths? Sheesh.

How!?!? Why?!?!? When!?!?! Where!?!??! Who!?!!??!

Sigh whatever the case, we're done. Bring it on, Samson.

Gud job Samson. 10/10.

Speaking of gud jobs 10/10, because I am a good tactician, Samson's now in the middle of the corridor, preventing Marth from reaching Sheema. Joy.

All right, that's better. Marth's hurt, but it doesn't matter.

And with that...

Marth engages in conversation with the princess of Gra.

Marth, being the weak, idealistic child he is, decides to be diplomatic with Sheema.

Yeah, everyone behaved. It helped that your soldiers didn't even try to attack us.

Marth's like "naaaaaaaaaaah".

And now she's on our side. I really like Sheema storywise. In her supports, you realise that she's just a normal woman forced to become a leader. While she obviously loves her people, it's clear that the circumstances surpass her.

As a unit, Sheema's horrible. Like, really, really bad. Not Est bad, at least she brings a couple silver weapons over. But she's a bit like the Abel to Tomas' Dolph, but unlike Abel, Sheema is even worse than Tomas. Her growths are more or less the same, her bases are even lower (and Tomas already dies to everything) and she loses on a chapter's worth of experience compared to the green haired Sniper, since she's recruited so late into the chapter (and this late into the game, this really matters). I once tried to use her, but her bases are so, so low, she just can't do anything, even if you give her a thousand level-ups.

Okay, let's-- Samson! What the hell? That was uncalled for!

Yeah, this is very high in the list of "DS FE recruitable enemy ridiculous agressions". And, as Abel fatally proved, they're capable of making a unit refrain from attacking someone.

Get into my team. At least that doesn't cancel out the recruitment.

Understandable. So long, Sammy!

I think her reasons are pretty obvious. What do you think, Samson?

Samson. His bases are way better than either Sheema's or Tomas', but her growths... 30% speed. Enough said. His bases aren't high enough to make much of a difference, and his growths are so bad, she will never become something good like Tomas, or at least decent like Sheema. Not good at all, I'm afraid, which is unfortunate, because he's not a bad character.

I've been all day writing this up, so forgive me if I sound a little tired. Five hours of constant writing and the prospect of having to go to the driving school inmediately afterwards... it's not very pleasant.

I skipped the walking. Tomas, Marth and Elrean headed for the treasury.

There we go. Good job, Elrean. But that 16 crit is unsettling.

Elrean finishes this guy off, and...

Tomas!

Yumina heals Elrean twice. No A rank just yet, I think, but if nothing else, I can always just reclass her to Bishop.

Meh. It's okay, I guess.

C'mon, Elrean. Don't fail me now.

Good! Great! This is the sort of thing I expect from you. Keep this up.

Excellent, some reading material for Dice.

And Marth heads for the village. Sigh more reading.

Yeah, yeah, we've already seen this in Sheema's recruitment.

This, on the other hand... what's up with the random heart? I mean, I know what's up with it, it's a callback to the FE3 translation if I'm not mistaken. But... it's still weird.

I'm not going to ask any questions.

As he goes back to the throne, Marth stops by the shops and buys stuff. A couple mend staves, a few elfires and... that's pretty much it. I don't need weapons, we've more than enough of those.

And a few dances later...

We're finally done. Jagen, please, the more fighting, the more experience we get, making it easier to kill Hardin.

Well, it'll be spilt for experience for our units. That's quite the righteous goal, right? Right?

Ah, this moment. This moment is infamous. In the original, it was Marth that came up with this plan. Here...

Yeah, I don't usually agree that Pretzel takes the spotlight away from Marth, he's got other problems, but that's not one of them in my opinion. Here, though? Here it is true. This guy's a bumbling fool who doesn't know jack about the world outside of Prinss Mahzz and training, yet he can think of this.

You were fine with Gotoh's crap but now you're getting cold feet? Please.

Oh hey they actually mentioned it. How positively rare. Let's enjoy the intelligence while we can.

Go!

Tomorrow--

Oh shit an enemy boss! Kill him!

Oh, never mind. He doesn't seem to be an enemy.

Sorry, he doesn't talk like an enemy, because that face belongs on an enemy, that's for sure.

That was so long ago... but sure, you're welcome.

Hah. Just you wait...

Yeah. Let's take a look at the map for a moment, shall we?

So, Gra's that island next to Altea. Macedon is to the south of Dolhr. We only had to cross a tiny patch of water to get to Gra.

Frost had to cross an entire inland, the sea, and go all the way to the Grain capital in the time lapse between chapters 16 and 17. Which are like, a day each? Let's say chapter 16x takes another day as well.

That means, Frost walked two countries and crossed a sea in 3 days. All while supposedly being an "old geezer" who can't keep up with an army marching at speed.

This, and his appearance, are why I love this guy. Seriously, look at him. It's like having a playable throwaway boss.

Eh. I'm not sure. We'll see.

Tomorrow, we cross Adria Pass on our way to Hardin. Most certainly, nothing unexpected will happen.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

 

[deskita]

Is it bad that when I saw Etzel die my first thought was, "please let that be Pretzel"

[Asmont Osborne]

Use Frost! He's my favorite Bishop and old man in Archanea and he makes for a decent Sage stat-wise. Having lost Etzel and with mixed class sets unlocked, he shouldn't be half bad. Also, he's better than

salty and tasty-bread MU you've got (yes, that is Pretzel's new official nickname and yes, that is a valid argument)

[Franp3]

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

I was too busy being mad at Pretzel, as usual.

Don't worry, I'll be here to cover all the puns you miss. Besides, being mad at pretzel is still good fun.

 

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Yeah, Grains. Damn you, Grains! You can't be cereal!

Good, good... let the puns flow through you...

 

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Dammit Etzel, stop spoiling the LP!

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Tomas will be in charge of opening the door to the Grain keep.

You mean the Granary?

that was terrible. I apoligise.

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

How!?!? Why?!?!? When!?!?! Where!?!??! Who!?!!??!

1_ Badly.

2_ Because the you've angered RNGesus.

3_ On 29th August, 2017

4_ Inside the Granary.

5_ Athena

Thank me later.

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

                       Linde NO
                       Samto NO
                       Navarre NO
                       Arran NO
                       Norne NO
                       Roger NO
                       Cain NO
                       Wrys* YES (TECHNICALLY RETREATED BUT W/E)
                       Frey YES
                       Cecille YES
                       Abel YES THEN SACRIFICE TO MEDEUS
                       Etzel YES

My votes for the Aum staff, because I'm probably going to forget about it.

Edited August 29, 2017 by Franp3

[KnightOfNohr]

I think Etzel should get the Aum staff.  Not only will he be able to live the rest of his days in peace after seeing his wife, but an extra staffbot it is more useful than an underleveled frontliner at this point.

Edited August 30, 2017 by KnightOfNohr

[Punished Dayni]

Dammit Pretzel, if you weren't so bad Etzel could have had someone to soak some of those hits for him! (Can we retroactively blame Pretzel for all the deaths? It might help a bit. Especially with him actually stealing Marth's plans now). Will Tomas actually be used and will he stay a sniper?

Also yes, Etzel is the best choice for Aum out of that lot now.

[Asmont Osborne]

I think we have a problem, guys. Unless Etzel is a crossdresser princess, he cannot use it. (Aum is locked to princesses, right? Right?)

(Also, funfact: in the original BS Saga or whatever its name was, Frost DID ACTUALLY share his portrait with an enemy boss, a Manakete IIRC)

Edited August 30, 2017 by Goddess Serra

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

1 hour ago, Goddess Serra said:

I think we have a problem, guys. Unless Etzel is a crossdresser princess, he cannot use it. (Aum is locked to princesses, right? Right?)

(Also, funfact: in the original BS Saga or whatever its name was, Frost DID ACTUALLY share his portrait with an enemy boss, a Manakete IIRC)

Yumina can use it. The resurrected person doesn't have to be a princess for the staff to work. The user, however, does. 

[KnightOfNohr]

What I mean is, Yumina can use Aum to revive Etzel.

[Saint Rubenio]

...

...

...

...

...very well. Thank you for accompanying me in this minute of silence for all the dead. May their souls rest in peace.

I'm sorry, Cecille...

Linde was too cute to die...

 ...

Part 31 - The way of the Sniper.

Whoa, it looks like Etzel's death made you guys feel a lot more talkative than usual. This is the update with the most replies of the entire LP. Maybe I'll have to ensure this happens more often...

Ruben...

I was joking. What, do you really think I wanted to lose one of my favourite units?

22 hours ago, deskita said:

Is it bad that when I saw Etzel die my first thought was, "please let that be Pretzel"

If only... if only.

21 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

Use Frost! He's my favorite Bishop and old man in Archanea and he makes for a decent Sage stat-wise. Having lost Etzel and with mixed class sets unlocked, he shouldn't be half bad. Also, he's better than

salty and tasty-bread MU you've got (yes, that is Pretzel's new official nickname and yes, that is a valid argument)

I agree, but our team's pretty full as it is, and... quite honestly, Frost has worse bases and growths than Pretzel. I love him as well, but I don't think I could make him work.

That said, I have a little idea that might be a decent alternative. You'll see.

Also, that nickname sucks. "Tasty" is a positive quality, and this is Pretzel we're talking about. There's nothing good about Pretzel.

19 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Don't worry, I'll be here to cover all the puns you miss. Besides, being mad at pretzel is still good fun.

Thanks, man.

Good, good... let the puns flow through you...

It's over, Franp3! I have the high pun! Jesus that one was horrible.

Dammit Etzel, stop spoiling the LP!

Not spoiling. Foreshadowing. I should've seen it coming and benched him for the chapter.

You mean the Granary?

that was terrible. I apoligise.

Jesus Christ, poor Sheema. The dishonor is too much.

1_ Badly.

2_ Because the you've angered RNGesus.

3_ On 29th August, 2017

4_ Inside the Granary.

5_ Athena

Thank me later.

I've... nothing to say, here. Thanks for having eyes to read what I wrote, I guess?

My votes for the Aum staff, because I'm probably going to forget about it.

19 hours ago, Franp3 said:

      Etzel YES

Perfect.

 

5 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

I think Etzel should get the Aum staff.  Not only will he be able to live the rest of his days in peace after seeing his wife, but an extra staffbot it is more useful than an underleveled frontliner at this point.

That's what I was thinking, too. Not to mention, Etzel's stats and level are quite high. Even after missing these chapters, he'll be quite useful. Overall, he just seems like the best choice right now.

I just have to make sure Yumina stays alive, and Etzel will be back with us in no time. And with the 2 Nosferatu tomes we've gotten recently, it should be an easy task.

5 hours ago, Dayni said:

Dammit Pretzel, if you weren't so bad Etzel could have had someone to soak some of those hits for him! (Can we retroactively blame Pretzel for all the deaths? It might help a bit. Especially with him actually stealing Marth's plans now).

Yeah, I think we can. Fucking Pretzel. He sucks so much, his suckery transfers to other units, killing them in the process.

Will Tomas actually be used and will he stay a sniper?

Only time will tell.

Also yes, Etzel is the best choice for Aum out of that lot now.

I'm glad you guys agree with me.

 

4 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

I think we have a problem, guys. Unless Etzel is a crossdresser princess, he cannot use it. (Aum is locked to princesses, right? Right?)

You silly goose. Then again, you ARE Serra, after all. Just joking, I love you for replying.

Spoiler

Last time, Etzel reunited with his wife. But we cannot give in to despair! We must prevail, and bring him back, for he did not deserve such a fate.

Well, none of them did (except for Navarre, perhaps. Psychotic maniac. And honestly, Arran and Abel are better off dead), but Etzel less so.

They really don't waste any time at all, do they? Jesus, at least let the narrator (Jagen) mention the Wolfguard before shoving them into the bottom screen.

Also, eyes! Sort of! That isn't something you see every day in this game's CGs.

You know, something that's always really bugged me about this chapter is that there's no boss. This game, overall, feels pretty lacking when it comes to throwaway bosses.  There are way too many chapters without a cartoonishly evil guy at the end to whack for a full level-up. They just throw in random Generics to guard the gate for no reason at all.

Well, this surely cannot end badly. No chance.

Prattling porpoises, who could've forseen this?

Ah, the Wolfguard. Roshea used to be the worst of this lot. Now he's the best, if nothing else, because he's the only one with enough of a brain to see through the nostalgia goggles and realise his old friend Hardin is long since gone.

I like these guys. Their involvement in this game's story is quite interesting.

We proceed to our two worthless protagonists discussing about the things everyone else is going to be doing.

Although, in Marth's case, that's mostly because I've refused to give him levels.

Oh, no. Not this again.

Gah! It's the worst option! Marth!

Jesus, that's horrible. I'm so sorry, Marth. I was not up to the task...

Let's lighten up the mood with a training montage! You know the drill.

Jesus, Tomas, you're so expensive to train.

That's better. Gettin' rid of the junk...

And that should be enough for now.

Castor becomes a Warrior. The extra strength and HP should help him now that Tomas has him beat in the durability department.

Tomas takes the starsphere. Robert doesn't need it anymore. Pretzel grabs a new sleet tome, as well. He'll be coming along today, I want those damned conversations. And, as much as I hate to admit it, he's better than Frost.

Speaking of whom... I really like Frost's character. He's a horrible unit. The worst magic user in the game, sporting below average growth rates and worse bases than Wendell who came eons ago. And his ranks? Pure fail. D tomes, C staves, and that's only if you leave him in the Bishop class. And his durability is just pitiful, with 26 Hp, 4 defense and a 5% defense growth. Overall, he's way worse than Katarina who came a couple chapters ago, and is one of the few units who I honestly don't think can be salvaged, unless you feed him a bunch of statboosters and RNG abuse the hell out of his growths.

But you know what? That fits his character. In his conversations, the man outright admits he never had any talent for magic, but took it up to protect his family. Everything Frost does, he does it for the sake of his loved ones. Of course, you'll notice that if that was the case, Frost wouldn't have any reason to be here. After all, he can't fight well, and he's got a family to take care of. And yet, he rushes after us just so he can thank us for helping him out indirectly, and contribute to saving many more families like his, even if only slightly so. And, in my humble opinion, that's admirable. He's a really likeable character who simply doesn't work as a combatant.

Okay, with that out of the way, let's keep on preparing for the battle of the pass. Dice becomes a Berserker and reads some secrets. A few axe swings and he'll be taking the Hauteclere.

More statboosting. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have given Elrean that goddess icon, but whatever. It's not as if luck's that important. Tomas grabs an angelic robe, as his HP is rather low.

I did all of that right after recording the last update. Therefore, I could get some free things last night when I played the actual chapter. Look, it's Yubello! How ironic that he would show up now.

Other than that, well, we didn't get anything too interesting. Rody's lance is fine, but not really needed at this stage of the game. It would've been really ironic if Rody found his own lance, but alas...

And with that, we move out. Roshea, being an old member of the Wolfguard and a trusted friend of its higher-ups, decides to confess his doubts to the others.

They respond by being fucking blind jerks.

With your stats? Don't make me laugh.

Well, yeah, back when his skin wasn't PURPLE!

Can you all please stop jumping to conclusions like tinfoil asshats? He only said he had doubts about your plan of action! Which is a damn failure, I might add! You are the ones at a disadvantage here!

Well, I mean, that does happen, but since Marth is a weak, idealistic child, it's all right.

You know, Roshea's situation is interesting. He's got no way to know for sure that Marth hasn't changed as well. All he really knows is that Hardin is certainly very different from the man he admired so much. I think he handled this problem quite reasonably, as we'll see next chapter.

Meanwhile, Wolf is in denial.

Roshea, my friend, if I were you, I'd get the hell out of there. He seems ready to put an arrow through your skull.

And off he goes. It's not as if the king will allow you to fight for longer than a turn or two, so don't worry, Roshea.

No, not really.

Marth, you look tired. I would send someone else if I could, but the game will only let you visit villages.

That's this chapter's gimmick. Marth has to visit the village. If he does, the chapter will be easy. If he doesn't, it'll be easy as well. This would work better if the Wolfguard was actually a threat.

Then again, I don't want to be forced to LTC Hardin, so let's make sure to visit that village. There are a couple of Archanean Paladins close by, but they shouldn't be too much of an issue. This one even misses Leiden!

Let's se-- Matthis doubles these guys? Good God.

Please, equip this. I don't want Wolf and Sedgar to kill themselves.

Here's how things currently stand. The Wolfguard may be incredibly brittle, but anybody can pack a punch with a silver weapon, and I'd rather not lose anyone in this map.

Pffffffttt. I think the sight of your hairdo hurt him more than that arrow.

Good! That's one Paladin alive. Now, I just need another one...

No, you fools! Let the one with 17 speed lead the charge!

Okay, that's better.

Marth is also attacked. He doesn't crit, but that's perfectly fine. This guy's doomed either way.

Cut it out!

Sedgar. I wasn't expecting you to attack. I thought healers always move last.

Then again, I also thought only Thieves could raid villages, and I also thought Abel would attack Est. Unnh.

You know what would've been funny? If Wolf or Sedgar raided the village, murdering their king. Now I wish I had tried to make that happen.

Now that we can move again, it's time for this Paladin to join his friend in death.

Don't you worry, Feena's nearby. Also, kill for Marth! When was the last time he killed anybody? Whatever the case, Marth doesn't even level up from this. And he won't, not today at least.

Like so. I won't do it just yet, though.

First, Pretzel makes himself useful. Ever so slightly.

Hey, one Paladin more or less, I'm sure they won't notice.

Very well. Time for diplomacy.

What, exactly, has happened to make you believe you were wrong to side with Hardin, king Aurelis?

"Like those Paladins the redheaded buffoon skewered just five minutes ago. I'm truly sorry."

This is the writers' way of giving Aurelis to Marth and writing this unnamed guy out.

Awesome! The fourth orb! only the Darksphere remains.

I don't think he knows exactly what happened to Hardin, but he probably has an idea.

And that's the only time we ever hear of king Aurelis in this game. I liked his sprite better in Shadow Dragon.

Woohoo! 20 HP per turn. This orb is really good.

Castor is healed by Yumina for the staff exp, mainly, and...

Soon enough, only Wolf is left.

Very well, time for some more Matthis bait. Catch, enemies!

Bolganone: the ballista.

Matthis, no! You don't need that experience!

Oh God, he one-rounds them all. My sweet experience!

Good! He survived. And nobody else is in range of Matthis.

Matthis avenges his 2 lost HP by wearing-- no! Don't do that!

...do that. 29 defense. Hohohoho... please cap speed. If you cap speed, I'll be an even happier man.

There's a ridersbane-toting dastard between the enemies. Better thread carefully.

As in, place Elrean here so Matthis doesn't hog all the experience.

Ah, excellent. Good job, Elrean. No joke, that kill is perfect for Tomas or something.

Matthis doesn't kill anybody this turn, which is good.

Aaaaaand curse you, Bishop.

Experience for Tomas. If I manage the experience well, he'll be a capable frontliner by the next chapter. Right now, he's a tiny bit worse than the others. Those awful bases really hurt him.

A dance and some wearing down later...

...and down go the Generals. Only the generic General at the gate remains.

Merely okay, how do you manage to get this with your growths?

Look, Pretzel got a level-up. It's good. But at this point, he's unsalvageable.

This guy will kill himself if he tries to attack anyone. Let's see if I can trick him into going after an unarmed Matthis...

Of course. I should've known, Matthis is way too tanky.

Look at that shit. Pretzel can't double a General.

Pretzel can't double a General.

It shouldn't come as a surprise by now, but Pretzel's the worst unit ever.

Here, have a kill, Dice.

Excellent. But where's the skill? I need you to get skill.

And so, the next phase of Tomas' training begins. He'll be taking down the Ballisticians and Bishops.

Ack! But before that, gotta move Dice out of ballista-covered territory. And patch him up, to get some sweet staff exp.

Training montage!

That's more like it.

Picture this happening a few times. I decided to cheese this worthless guy for as much experience as possible.

Awesome! Fortify is now usable by Yumina.

Feena got this level dancing for Tomas, as well. Defense!

And I think it's about time--

...really, Tomas?

Have some experience, Elrean. You haven't done much today. Not that there's too much to do in this chapter.

This isn't a kill. I had a different idea.

16 defense. Hahah. This guy is good.

And Yumina does the foul deed.

Amazing. This girl's going to kill Gharnef, no questions asked.

Hurrah.

...

...

I...

Marth? Are you okay? I think all the death and destruction is getting to your head.

A random suggestion Marth himself thought up in the original story.

This chapter is the worst offender of Pretzel's Mary Sue problem. It really is. In the finale, at least, we see everybody else talking and being happy, and Pretzel praise is just a tiny part of it all. But this? Urgh.

Poor fools. Did they not know Hardin posseses the Darksphere and the Gradivus?

Predictably.

This line is a bit weird. You know what happened to him and why he's doing this.

Yeah! Tomorrow, we confront the Wolfguard one last time, and conquer Archanea.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

 

Edited August 30, 2017 by Rubenio

[Franp3]

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Meanwhile, Wolf is in denial.

Remind you of someone?

 

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Pretzel can't double a General.

Dracoknight!Matthis isn't killed by a silver bow sniper and MU can't double a general. This has become quite the strange LP.

[KnightOfNohr]

Pretzel Picks off an opponent and gets an arms scroll

Pretzel: I'm participating!

I'm with you on the whole "MU Mary Sue" thing. At least in Awakening, they made him a famed tactitian IN-UNIVERSE, so all the crazy genius plans and praise from the main lord were (somewhat) reasonable! And while Awakening had an original story, Mystery of the Emblem's Book 2 already had a serviceable plot, and while adding an Avatar is reasonable, they didn't have to make them almost a main protagonist! I mean, they are a new recruit at the beginning of the game! 

In conclusion, the effort to instate a player created character as a deuteragonist in New Mystery of the Emblem was ineffectual. To quote xkcd, "Summer Glau"

 

[Saint Rubenio]

We've arrived at Pales. Hardin and his elite will soon be upon us.

Mm. Yeah, that is, indeed, what is happening.

I wonder how many people will die because of your faulty strategies. 

Nobody. We'll all survive this battle.

I find that hard to believe.

Shut your trap. This is a serious moment.

I suppose...

Then shut it, sit down, and watch as I defeat Hardin without losing a single man.

But what of the women?

The women are my most powerful combatants not counting Matthis. There's no need to worry about them.

Poor Athena, she's so screwed...

Hush, Luke. It begins.

I'll say a prayer for everybody's safety.

Part 32 - In which everything goes wrong - part 1.

The following content may be disturbing to efficient players and hoarders. Viewer discretion is advised.

17 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Remind you of someone?

No, not really. I can't think of anybody at the moment. Why?

Dracoknight!Matthis isn't killed by a silver bow sniper and MU can't double a general. This has become quite the strange LP.

That was my intention. I don't want this to be remembered as the most magnanimously memorable LP in history of the internet, but I wanted it to at least be somewhat interesting. That's why I am not using Palla and the like.

 

17 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Pretzel Picks off an opponent and gets an arms scroll

Pretzel: I'm participating!

He did more in that chapter than Rody ever has. That is quite the accomplishment.

I'm with you on the whole "MU Mary Sue" thing. At least in Awakening, they made him a famed tactitian IN-UNIVERSE, so all the crazy genius plans and praise from the main lord were (somewhat) reasonable! And while Awakening had an original story, Mystery of the Emblem's Book 2 already had a serviceable plot, and while adding an Avatar is reasonable, they didn't have to make them almost a main protagonist! I mean, they are a new recruit at the beginning of the game!

In conclusion, the effort to instate a player created character as a deuteragonist in New Mystery of the Emblem was ineffectual. To quote xkcd, "Summer Glau"

Yeah, honestly, I would've really liked the Avatar if they didn't shoehorn them into the story. While I like the fact that they make everybody talk, I would've liked it better if all the conversations were between characters, not just the Avatar and sometimes, someone else. Bottom line, this game would've been better off with a MU that didn't talk at all.

Spoiler

They changed the calendar after the war of shadows? Wow. It's going to be remembered as the shortest era in history of mankind. 2 years, and bam, another big ass war.

Also, yes, I did miss the title card. That's the first and most minor of all the failings that will take place today.

Yeah, because crowds surrounded by menacing soldiers tend to be really silent.

Poor Midia. Her only use is to fulfill the requirement for chapter 20x. A fine character, but much like all the fine characters who join this late, she just doesn't work.

Of course, these chapters would've been really boring if the rebelion had actually weakened Archanea significantly.

Really? Did we wait months before attacking Gra? Or maybe we just took months to reach Gotoh. It wouldn't be too surprising. Stupid Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous. Making us hike for months.

Hell yeah! Let's go.

But before that... I didn't screencap the person who got the 29 experience. Three hurrahs for me.

Oh look, Marth and Pretzel 3!

Yes, we know.

And that's it. Before anything else, it's time to sell this junk.

Rejoice, Serra. I've decided to use Frost instead of Pretzel. He's still way worse (if nothing else because his HP is very low), and probably won't ever amount to anything other than healing, but I love the man, so I'm happy to have an excuse to bring him along.

Also, I've been thinking about it, and I now know how to handle the conversation problem. By now, Pretzel's been benched so many times, it's not worth deploying him just for the conversations. So instead, I'll be using the event recap. I give Frost the bond drop because I don't have his conversations unlocked. I used him once a long time ago, but that was before I knew about the DLCs, so when I downloaded the DLC savefile, the one with Frost's conversations was lost.

And, hey, since we're here... let's talk to the man himself! What could he be doing?

Ah, writing to his family, I see.

This is why I love this guy. Let's take a moment to appreciate this picture. A man with Throwaway Bad Guy Frown™, Throwaway Bad Guy Cheekbones™, Throwaway Bad Guy Dark-colored Apparel™, and Throwaway Bad Guy Name™ (as in, they just picked a random word from the dictionary and called it a day. Looking at you, Rude, Zinc, Guerrero, Glass, Wire, Tirado, Seeker... you get the point), after almost running into a wall, yells "Yowie!". Yowie!

How did Frost not get artwork? His appearance is amazingly unfitting. It's hilarious.

Yours are probably the only thanks he has. But that's all right. You're a good guy. I understand why you'd be nice to even a failure of a man like Pretzel.

Looks like it. Good job, Pretzel. You looked at the piece of paper he was carrying. Without you, I don't know where we'd be. You're the only reason, and I mean OOOOOONLY reason we made it this far.

Did I do it right, FE12 writers?

D'awww, that's a serious problem. We better help you out, christmas grandpa.

No, don't ask him! He'll start talking about training and Marth!

How very sad. What do you have to say about that, Frost?

Hah hah hah hah. You have to wonder how, exactly, did this continent's Flanders carve such a huge frown into his skull.

Eh, not bad. That is probably the best I've ever said about you, so enjoy it while you can.

Bwah hah hah hah. This guy does not belong in a battlefield.

He's following your advice. What's the problem?

Anyway-- oh, Dice. Good day to you.

How blunt.

C'mon, he's begging ya! Comply, Pretzel!

Well, it's better than thinking only about training.

Suuuure. That's the truth, quite simply.

Yeah, I'm curious as well. Please, do elaborate on that.

The music becomes all serious here. Dice is a philosopher. Who would've thought. Although, he does have a point.

Pretzel brain not understand, must train, must... train...

Of course. Come, now. You're such a paranoid--

Huh. Who would've thought. He was right.

How strange. Oh well, let's move on.

Oh, yeah. Yes! I love this one.

Move a little to the right, Pretzel. Otherwise, I think he'll shoot through your head. Eh? Eh?

Oh, what an idiot. This is the equivalent of getting cold feet when you've already jumped off the skydiving plane. You're already there, focus on making it easy for him not to kill you! Don't just start chatting when he could be ready to let go of the string!

Hush, now. Gotta let him focus. We wouldn't want him to miss his mark.

...

...

HUUUUUEEEAAAAAARRGHAAAAHAHAGGHHHH...!

Yes! Hell yes!

What? No! That wasn't meant to happen!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, on the bright side, Tomas is happy.

Tomas is very skilled. Although, I like his high defense better. 16 defense, holy cow.

Hah hah hah hah hah. I like how casual he is about almost jeopardizing the whole mission by murdering one of Marth's key retainers.

Not that it would've been such a big loss, but the game would've been over, so...

Hah. What a good guy. I'm looking forward to the next conversation. Maybe then he'll actually kill you!

Anybody else, or can we go already?

Yes! Elrean!

Pretzel, I don't think he wants to be your comrade. I know I wouldn't. And this guy is even more of an anti-social prick than I am.

See?

What a fruitful relationship you had with your classmates.

Yeah, he learnt that from Marth.

If everyone hated you, who did you trash talk them to? Your mom?

Frankly, I have no idea.

What? This has nothing to do with what he was saying!

Elrean's my spirit animal.

Quick, Elrean, get out! I'll cover your escape!

Yeah, sure. You keep on hating everyone, Tsundere-san.

You know, just today I saw a guy somewhere (completely unrelated to FE, too) who said all FE fans are weaboos. I don't know. I like all kinds of games. Like that time I jumped from FE to Wolfenstein: The New Order and Day of Infamy (a very good WWII FPS, for those who don't know about it) to fuckin' Mario.

Then again, that guy later admitted that he only intended to bait people with that statement, so... yeah.

Inventory management.

I noticed at the last second that I was giving Matthis the wrong orb. That's better. This'll make him virtually invincible.

I mean, why wouldn't he?

Yeah, it would've been a real problem if they fell for Hardin's propaganda and we had to fight through an angry mob.

Yeah, this battle takes a long time. And with the dialogue and all, I think I'll split it in two parts. This update would be way too long otherwise.

I... I don't... I can't even...

I'm so sorry, Marth. I promise not to let anybody else die. Please, come back to us! Don't give in to insanity!

This is the reason Frost is not very good. The ballista one-shots him. He really, really doesn't belong in a battlefield. I guess I could've deployed him last chapter, but I don't think that would've made a real difference.

But it's fine. I'll keep him outside the range of death and warp Matthis closer to the village.

Like so. Frost will come in handy because, since he can't do anything else, he'll be doing all the staffing, allowing Elrean and Yumina to fight instead of having to heal all the time. Yumina's the only one able to use the fortify, though. And I forgot to give it to her, so technically noone can use it!

I don't want Matthis to fight everyone. Mostly to save them from him. So he moves away.

The rest of the team moves up.

Oof. Damned Ballistae.

Matthis can't double these guys, but that's fine. At this point, I don't want him to kill, I want him to survive. And if he stops doubling reliably from now on, then he'll do that perfectly. Although, I would appreciate it if he capped speed, just to see some more green numbers.

Athena waits here, so as to bring the northernmost Warrior closer to us.

And everyone else keeps moving up.

Jeez! At least they have a really crappy hitrate.

Healing... what? Healing? Why now of all times?

Eh, who cares, I'm not complaining. It means they won't be able to top everyone off after we're done.

Nobody kills anyone, but that's fine.

More healing. And that's it for this turn.

First things first, this guy has to go. Robert and Athena take care of that.

And now, it's time to take on those Paladins. There are a couple of ridersbane dastards, but Leiden can take one. And he won't kill them back, unless he crits.

Matthis attacks this guy. Not that it really matters, he'll just get healed.

And that's it. Let's pray Leiden doesn't die.

JIKES okay I forgot about this. Thank goodness Leiden's awesome.

Healing, etc.

Oh noooooo Matthis got critted. 6 damage! GAAAH!

This isn't important. The important part comes...

Now. Excellent. Good job, Leiden.

Perfect! This is exactly what I wanted.

The others either attack Tomas, or are unable to attack anybody.

And after the Bishop wastes another one of his fortify charges, the enemy's turn ends. Time to go on the offensive!

A disarmed Matthis won't one-shot the Thieves, summoning Vyland ahead of schedule.

Look Marth got a level-up! It sucks.

Ergh... oh well. I wasn't counting on Frost to be my new MVP.

And that's when I pressed the load state key by mistake, and went all the way back to the beginning.

So. I'll leave the roasting to you guys. For the moment, I'm just going to wonder if I should count this as a dishonorable reset.

I don't think so. Mostly because nothing different happened up to this point, I just did the same things, more or less, and the results were the same.

...still, what kind of short-term memory does one have to have in order to forget he didn't save a state five minutes ago?

Then I carefully chipped down this Warrior for...

Frost! Go ahead, my man, take the kill.

Fun fact: Frost is the only character in the DS fire emblems to have grey hair in his sprites (as far as I know). Which is weird, you'd think they'd have made his sprites bald like Wendell's, but nope. It looks a little weird as a Bishop, too. Instead of grey, it looks like a very light blue. Maybe it's a glitch.

Sweet, sweet experience. He'll level up for the first time soon.

But now I want him out of the ballista's range.

This time, I disarm Leiden, because I am NOT risking to lose Leiden after making a stupid mistake such as loading a savestate.

Stand here, Castor. For no real reason.

Actually, there is a reason. His defenses are crappy, therefore the Ballistician will target him instead of Leiden.

This happens once again. It's equally as futile as last time.

By the way, notice the Warrior standing on the village? He's got a tomahawk. And he just keeps throwing it at Matthis. This means, so long as Matthis doesn't move, the village is safe. Poor, stupid AI.

Like so. I feared a crit, but it didn't happen. I'll make him equip a melee weapon next turn.

Capped defense! Capped HP! As things stand, he'll get doubled by Hardin, but will survive a round of combat against him. He'll get doubled by the gradivus and survive. Think about it.

Leiden does about as well as last time.

And that's it. We're back here. Sure, I gave Frost a kill this time and all, but you know, in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really change anything.

Again! Time to go on the offensive!

Robert leads the charge. Quite successfully, at that.

He takes some damage, but it's nothing Frost can't take care of.

Nice! That's a good level-up. You're already faster than Pretzel. Keep it up.

Feena dances for him, and he heals Tomas as well. Why, me? Why?

And we proceed to rain death upon these helpless Paladins from afar.

Pretty good. Castor's a strange case, in that he has always been throughoutly unremarkable, and yet he's managed to be a staple of the team ever since he joined us. Think about it, he was the last to promote, I neglected him pretty badly for a while, I brought in Tomas of all people just when he was starting to shine... and yet, here he is, kicking ass as always.

I disarm Matthis, just in case the dumb Thieves try to attack him.

BILLIONS OF BLISTERING BLUE BARNACLES! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Okay... okay...

Phewwww... okay, he dodged.

Jesus. Your family must be praying for your safety, Frost.

Matthis.jpg

I'm tired of you! PERISH!

Meh. Resistance is okay, I suppose.

Ack! Flashbang! I left this one uncropped because it would be invisible otherwise.

There we go. It was just Frost rescuing Robert back to safety.

Matthis.jpg again.

And there we go. Athena kills this fool. That's one less Warrior to worry about. But now, I'm worried about Roshea! Athena can take both Warriors' axes, but she does take more damage than Matthis. Because of this, the Warriors would move away from the village, and then the Thief will make short work of it.

More rescuing. I know, I know, all of you perfectionists must be tearing your hair out. But c'mon, what did you expect from the guy with 21 total deaths?

Wait what? This wasn't supposed to happen yet! Vyland only appears if Roshea is recruited, or the Thieves are killed! Right...?

God damnit. Yet another setback.

Yeah, that's going to end well, for sure.

Vyland and company don't waste any time. We better hurry!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I need to kill everyone down there, post-haste!

There. And now...

Even more warp wasting. Don't you worry your pretty little heads. I'll deploy Malicia in 20x or something if I have to.

Good, good. The village is safe for the time being, but I really need to haul ass. I need Roshea and Vyland alive. Wolf and Sedgar are expendable, but if I lose Vyland as well, I won't be able to meet the requirement for 20x.

Matthis kills this Thief with great haste while Elrean gives back the rescue staff he borrowed from Frost to bail Athena out of the Warriors' reach.

And during the enemy phase, the Thief foolishly attacks Robert. The coast is clear.

Move!

At last!

How nice of you. Shame you can't do anything, unlike Frost who can at least use staves.

Hint hint.

Mooooooore rescue charges! Calm down, calm doooown, I still have 6 charges left.

I suppose I should talk about Roshea. Roshea's garbage. Remember when I said Frost was unsalvageable? Well, at least he can do some staffbotting. He's awful at it, and Katarina completely outclasses him, but he at least can do it. Roshea can't do shit, because he's a Paladin with even worse stats than Abel, 7 more levels coming a few chapters later. He dies if anything does so much as to look in his general direction. He may be the only one with the ability to be objective in the Wolfguard, but that doesn't save him from being the worst of them all.

Vyland and company are here. I can't send Roshea in just yet, he'll get slaughtered. We must make sure Vyland survives one more turn.

Please, don't die Vyland.

What? No! That's the last thing I need!

Bleh. Not very good. But you're my only physical unit with resistance that rivals that of my mages, so I'm happy.

Okay, good. Vyland survived. It is time for him to join us.

No, I don't... I don't think he meant to do that. Even though he will, rest assured.

How ironic. "Open your eyes! You're being deceived! Come back to the Wolfguard and be deceived with us!".

See, this is what I meant when I said Roshea handled this whole situation pretty well. He joined us to see if we really were bad guys like Hardin tries to make everybody believe. C'mon, Vyland, it makes sense and you know it.

Join us already.

And now we got Vyland, who's... marginally less bad than Roshea, but still god awful. He has better defense, which allows him to at least survive one round of combat with some of the weaker enemies, but other than that, he's also pretty bad. Recruiting these guys is interesting, but using them? Rather impossible.

Look at that shit. Roshea would've been one-rounded!

Here we go. Things happened between these pictures, but I put them together for convenience.

Mostly because healing is all that happened. Also, Dice got skill and luck. All he needs.

These assholes keep on coming, though. I better hurry up and recruit Sedgar.

Come!

Oh, but before that...

Astounding! You're in a desperate need of HP, so this is pretty good.

Jesus. Nothing very interesting happened this turn, aside from a couple horsemen attacking Matthis, but... wow. Look at all that shit.

How will I handle this mess? Will I be able to recruit Sedgar? Will Wolf see through Hardin's lies? And most importantly, will I lose anybody today? Place your bets, and come back tomorrow to find out! Those who guess correctly will get an imaginary cookie or something.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

[KnightOfNohr]

I bet you'll recruit Wolf and Vynland, but that someone will die. No offense. :P