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FE Fangame Story (Part 1)


Florina's #1 Fan
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Okay, so I have had a story for a fangame that will probably never be made, due to my innate lack of game making and artistic skills, but I wanted to post it and see what people what think. It's a rough concept, but I'm confident I can make it better, even if I end up doing nothing with it. I also have characters, stats, supports, and a map. This is what I do in my free time :)

The king and his advisors have dinner on a night like any other, unaware that one of the advisors, Sir Gerald, has betrayed them and put poison in the royal sage's drink, in preparation for the heist of the princess and the powerful crystal the sage guards. Princess Syllish of Lyrouche is kidnapped by conspirators, including Judas, to release the energy of the Empirion, a massive purple crystal (this game's Fire Emblem, half of it, at least) because only those with royal blood can use it and direct its strength. The conspirators plan to overthrow the king, who they view as incompetent. However, when Syllish touches the crystal, she can't control its power, for she's too young, and a massive burst of power kills all of the conspirators and puts Syllish in a coma, turning her hair and eyes a soft, eerie purple. The royal sage's son, Pim, takes his father's place, but he is inexperienced and very young, and he is ridiculed by the court for not only being unable to cure the princess, but also for not even being capable of simple magic because he has not been trained. Pim takes this as a challenge, and becomes completely absorbed in the world of magic literature and practice. Meanwhile, the king realizes that Pim has become so absorbed that he has ignored his physical well-being, and he enlists a prisoner of war as a slave to Pim, a native of Nykos, Lyrouche's rival country, named Bergundy. Pim is disgusted by the idea of slavery, and requests that Bergundy be dismissed, but Bergundy expresses gratitude for his freedom, and then declines it, saying that he would rather serve Pim.

If enough people like this, I can post the next part, I was just testing the waters. If it's annoying or you don't want it here, I can either not post anything on the theoretical fangame, or I could post something else I have from it, like playable characters, their stats, and their supports.

Edited by Florina's #1 Fan
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You've got my attention. It's an interesting opening. Slavery has never been heavily touched on in a Fire Emblem game but if you can find a way to reconcile it with a medieval fantasy setting, then I think you could have something good going.

Judas is a pretty well-known traitor name. Unless you are intentionally throwing subtlety out the window, you might want to stick with something less revealing. 

Also, an interesting plot point to throw in would be if the whole power burst thing looked like an accident. That way, no one would know that the conspirators were evil and the princess (with a convenient yet explainable memory lapse) would feel guilty for causing their deaths whenever she gets out of her coma.

These are just some of my observations though. You have an interesting premise and I personally look forward to seeing where it goes.

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Yeah, it wasn't really supposed to be a surprise that Judas was a traitor, this all happens years before the actual story. Think of this as the exposition. And slavery is an important theme of the game, most of the enemies in this game are Laguz (by that I mean shifters, not specifically Tellius creatures) that have been enslaved for hundreds of years and have been led to rebellion in Nykos.

The guilt thing with the princess actually sounds really interesting, thanks for the good idea :) Especially because Michael, one of the pre-promotes of the game, his parents were conspirators that died in that explosion.

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So, this isn't part 2 yet, because I'm still on backstory, but I have to finish the backstory to establish the main antagonist. Also, sorry for the ugly map, but it's hard to describe where everything is, and when I try to do that, having a visual aid, albeit a hideous one, can serve you well.

The country of Lyrouche has the countries Riese, Tryst, and Shurca closest to it. Kestra, the country above Riese, and Riese are allied with each other, and are both wealthy, have medium sized populations, and are aristocratic. Shurca is well-off, has a medium population, and works a system of direct democracy. Tryst is a small farming country where there are few people, but they farm and don't really play well with others, making that area an anarchy, because no government has been established. Ciran, the other country directly above Riese, is a monarchy. Maya is a desert filled with bandits and hostiles, and it is also an anarchy, similar to Tryst.

The country below Lyrouche, Nicholas, used to be a part of the area below Nicholas, called Vein. Vein is a resource filled area near the water that Lyrouche fought with Nykos to keep. However, Nykos lost the territory because of the time and difficulty of the journey Nykos troops had to make to get to the battlefield. When Vein was surveyed by Lyrouche, however, they found a species of angel like creatures that had inhabited the area. They called themselves Graciel, and their leader was a man named Leoppold. Leoppold and his new wife, Diana, were expecting a son, and Leoppold feared that these new people would attempt to take their home. (Leoppold also had a daughter named Ambrosia, but he resented her, for Leoppold was forced to have an heir by the other Graciel, and Leoppold did not want to have a child with someone he did not love)

Graciel had the power of limited hyper-suasion, which meant with their native tongue, the Graciel could make someone do anything they wanted. Their limit was that there had to be some sort of desire to take advantage of. (For example, let's say me and hypothetical person A wanted to steal from the cookie jar, but A knew it was wrong. If I wanted him to get me a cookie and I didn't want to get in trouble, I could persuade A to steal a cookie for me and a cookie for him. However, if A did not want a cookie, I would have a much harder time getting him to steal a cookie for me, because he doesn't have any desire to have a cookie.)

Leoppold used this power to get the generals to sign a temporary pact: the soldiers would not step foot in Vein for ten years, and when the Lyrouchi army returned, the Graciel would leave the colony to them. The army left the area and then captured the massive chunk of land between Lyrouche and the southeast corner of Vein where the Graciel resided.

Leoppold did not use the ten years to prepare his people for abandoning their home. Instead, he used his wife Diana, after she gave birth to their son, Michael, to train the able Graciel people in defending themselves. (Diana was a powerful general of Nykos that was defeated and spared in battle by a Lyrouchi general, and she refused to return home because of her shame. Leoppold found her far from the battlefield, and was smitten by her. Their child, Michael, was half-human and did not have wings, but Leoppold doted on him and ignored Ambrosia, for he loved his son for being the offspring of a union he chose to take part in.) Not even ten years of battle training could not save them from the onslaught that was to come.

Lyrouchi forces were led by a man named Sir Vernon. Vernon was a merciless man, and was not fond of the king, who suspected that Vernon was conspiring against him and sent him away while he used spies to investigate the possibility of a coup (Vernon was a conspirator, but did not take part in the plan to steal the Empirion, he thought it would backfire, which it did :| ). Sir Vernon hated that the Graciel had the nerve to remain in Vein, and used dirty tactics to keep them grounded. Women and their children's wings were shot by snipers as they tried to fly away, and trained men had to defend their spouses and offspring on the ground. Leoppold was instructed to leave Vein, as he was the most valued of their people, and Leoppold flew off, carrying Diana with him. Ambrosia followed, carrying Michael. Just as they thought they had escaped, Vernon fired his last arrow and shot Michael out of Ambrosia's arms. Leoppold screamed and Ambrosia tried to catch him, but Michael plummeted into the waters below, a ten year old boy lost in the waves.

Leoppold, Diana, and Ambrosia landed in Daeryn (a freezing, damp, rainy/snowy, crammed, mess of a theocracy), where the towering temple of the pure goddess Ancia stood tall, and Leoppold fasted for days, praying that his son be returned to him. Diana and Ambrosia watched as he unraveled, and they eventually began to bring him small rations of food, as he would not leave the top of the temple. He quivered and sobbed, begged, pleaded, choked, screamed for mercy, for his own death if it meant the life of his son. It didn't happen. His son never came back, and Leoppold was forced to abandon hope. But he never truly recovered...

FE fangame map.jpg

Edited by Florina's #1 Fan
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Okay, so angels are not typical Fire Emblem material. This would be a decent story for another game, but Fire Emblem has a distinct set of themes and species that give it its own unique character. By including a magic gemstone and shapeshifters, you were on the right track. If you could turn the angels into dragons, this would fit in a little better with the rest of the series.

You aren't planned on putting all of this into a single prologue, right? This is the kind of backstory that's best figured out over time instead of all at the beginning.

Also, the arc about Leoppold being forced to have child by another female... this is kind of risky. Not inherently bad, just risky. That basically means that if people like the rest of the story, then when they learn about that part they'll feel fairly comfortable with it. However, if people don't like the rest of the story, or if it comes before they have a chance to like the story, then it will seem weird and uncomfortable. As with all things of slightly more mature nature, you would also need to handle the writing very carefully.

Basic RPG storytelling advice: The most important parts are the beginning and the end. Make the beginning unique and exciting and make the ending surprising and fulfilling, and people will be willing to overlook a lot of mistakes in the middle. That is, if they can complete the game.

Sorry if I'm getting on your nerves. I spend a lot of time studying this kind of thing, and from what I've seen so far, your story actually shows a lot of promise. This is just some advice from someone who considers themselves to be a minor professional at things like this. Don't let my critiques get you down.

One thing I'm really liking is your worldbuilding. Does the continent have a name yet? It looks interesting and full of potential. Whether or not that potential is realized would be dependent on how well the script would be written, but since you might never actually write a script for this, it looks good enough to me. It puts some real-life Fire Emblem game worlds to shame already (I'm looking at you, Hoshido-Nohr-Vallalala).

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It'll be figured out over time. I'm just telling the story in order. The game would have most of Leoppold's backstory most likely told by Diana after you defeat her. Ambrosia is written as a sympathetic character, because she wants her father to love her and he resents her for being an offspring he didn't want. The trick is you'll either like Leoppold for loving Diana and wanting his son back or you'll hate him because he doesn't appreciate his daughter and has an "end justifies the means" kind of feel.

Also, I take inspiration from the Herons when I talk about the Graciel. I like the idea of them being similar to angels (but like I said, they aren't actually angels), but Graciel are really more like descendants of Manakete. They keep the wings, but they live in a warmer, more delicate climate, so they don't need tough, scaly wings, and because Vein was not under any human jurisdiction before, they didn't need to hide (you know, because some manakete wear robes and hide their face, or they live in places like Arcadia where they can't be found). I'm wondering if they should be able to turn into dragons with a dragonstone still. Now, there are still Manakete that are like normal Manakete, they just don't live in Vein, and they are usually captured and their scales are harvested, used in a similar fashion to Gregor and Nowi's supports in Awakening. Dragon scales are very tough, and Nykos will exploit anything and anyone to win in war.

The continent doesn't have a name yet. I've been doing more work on the countries than the entire continent. At one point, I considered using Elibe as my location, but to reformat where all the countries went would be a pain.

I appreciate your critique. Not only does it mean someone is reading my work, but it means they're willing to tell me how I can make it better, too. I'm used to criticism, I'm very critical myself, and one of my best friends used to let me bounce my ideas off of him for fun when we walked to his house from the bus stop. And criticism will be valuable when I move onto the next part, because Part 2 is a little underdeveloped, I think. The beginning and the end are fleshed out, but the center is plot-squishy :/

Edited by Florina's #1 Fan
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This is probably the final part of the set up for the majority of the story. While the other two parts I had in advance, this part I have come up with specifically because I did not previously have a backstory for Yorke, the Nykos Wolfskin slave who is largely responsible for the idea of a Laguz rebellion, before it became something more under Leoppold's control.

Yorke and his family were captured on the edge of Western Riese, the third time they had tried to escape Nykos captivity and return to their home in Tryst. This was the farthest they had ever gotten, and they refused to give up. The troupe of five (a young Yorke, his two brothers, and his mother and father) resisted as best they could, but they were brutally beaten and transported back to Nykos, muzzled and broken.

Yorke hated to see his family yearning for freedom so badly, and he used every opportunity he had to show he hated his master, including refusing to do labor, until one day his master had enough, and he forced Yorke to watch as he whipped his youngest brother Ashe to the brink of death.

Yorke became completely submissive to prevent any more whipping, and he pent up bitterness and frustration year by year, watching Nykos men and women mock them and throw things at them while they dug wells for water.

He snapped when a group of women spit on him and called him filth. He attacked them, but the women were saved by a powerful general named Tarana (Nykos’ military is primarily noble females, their culture trains high rank girls from a young age, I may post on Nykos culture some other time). Tarana became Yorke’s target, and he built up a force of other bitter wolfskin and taguel who did not belong in such an arid and hot climate and wanted escape. They planned to intimidating their owners into freeing them by killing Tarana, the local enforcer of law. Yorke was planning on having more than her blood on his hands, but he did not tell the others. Unfortunately, one of the shifters sold out the others for his own freedom and the slaves were all brutally beaten. Just as they began to give up hope for escape, their province was visited by an angel...

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On August 24, 2017 at 10:35 AM, SullyMcGully said:

Okay, so angels are not typical Fire Emblem material. This would be a decent story for another game, but Fire Emblem has a distinct set of themes and species that give it its own unique character. By including a magic gemstone and shapeshifters, you were on the right track. If you could turn the angels into dragons, this would fit in a little better with the rest of the series.

Technically Sacred Stones had a devil as the final boss instead of something involving a dragon(though they'll probably fix that if we ever get a Re:SS), so you could make angels fit, though it would help more if the continent had relation to Magvel just to be safe.

Anyways, not bad, looking forward to what else you have in mind(plus I may use some of this concept in my own writing - perhaps throw in a visit to one of your countries because I like doing that).

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Part 2 will be up soon, but I want to do the poll's picked character page first. But just so you readers know, the beginning will come soon. Part 2 will be lengthy, after all, it is the meat of the story :)

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Here I have my most recent post, on the cultures of Seinaran countries (the continent has a name now, yay!). I like to keep myself busy so I don't get impatient and post other things before their time :\ I get excited...

 

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Soon, I will be moving all of my fanwork onto a blog I have been working, but I think I might still post Part 2 on Serenes Forest as well as on the blog. My signature will have the link to the blog when I'm ready to publish it, so keep watch :)

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My signature is updated, meaning I have published my blog! It has just the content I have posted on Serenes Forest right now, but I will be adding more as time goes by! I know I said I'd post part two, but I might not, because I have an outlet now, and I don't want to dump more unnecessary topics onto the forums.

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