Jump to content

Valkyria Chronicles: Gallian Crossfire mod - Temporary Ceasefire


Ertrick36
 Share

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, LucarioGamer812 said:

Nah someone typed a ( and just rotated it.

You are right. That is the lenny face mouth. Edy did the lenny face before it was cool :O

Edited by MadJak91
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 206
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Viewer beware, you're in for a scare!

Because it's Friday the 13th.

It's time to watch our troops go Jason Voorhees on some Imps.

Chapter 6-5: What Was the Name of That Song?

Spoiler

As always, let's recap.

KixQ3fC.png

Where we last left off:

  • I kept trying to dissuade Edy from pursuing a career in acting by painting broad strokes with sexual predators in Hollywood
  • Catherine... arrived
  • Nadine can't roadie for shit
  • Welkin was extremely derpy and drove his tank out in the open for no reason, thus resulting in the damage you see in this shot

FhmP1ZX.png

  • We learned from a Pawn that Imp snipers hunt in packs wait, wrong game
  • There's a fuckin' enemy sniper just sitting at the base, being the little tittly twat he is
  • Edy became Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star for some reason
  • Isara is done with this shit

EIjcUW2.png

And Jann has arrived ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

6hmEsN4.png

Look at these assholes...

So say hello to our new friend.

His name is Sergeant Go-Fuck-Yourself.

He's an enemy sniper.

And he needs to die!

iv6Sf6b.png

CdoCel9.png

So let's do that, shall we?

And finally acquire a net-positive to the CUC.

4mpiKJ8.png

It takes not one, but two headshots to kill him.

He really is Sergeant Go-Fuck-Yourself, isn't he?  Not only is he just naturally an asshole by virtue of him being an enemy sniper, but he's hard-headed, too.

Well, you ain't stoppin' the Catty Train!

cbIPgI4.png

Fucc

The dick shot her, so now...

uh, a potential has proc'd that lowers her defense.

SGxA9Y6.png

Remind me, how exactly does this impede a goddamn sniper, who shouldn't be under heavy gunfire in the first place and is likely to die in two shots from enemy snipers anyway?

Oh right...

It fucking doesn't.

So now Catherine the Tsar with 14 HP is being impeded by an entirely pointless debuff.

Will she survive the encounter?

LiSpY9y.png

You bet your damn ass she will.

Now you can go fuck yourself, Sergeant.

Have.

A.

Nice.

Trip.

To HELL.

Or the equivalent of which Isara is the owner, proprietor, and manager of.

Spoiler

We don't talk about it here.  Theimer Studios Inc. won't allow me to even say anymore than that.  But I assume you can imagine what it'd be like.

All of Isara's enemies go there.  They really don't want to go there.  That's all you need to know.

lyv4xSC.png

Never got to show this animation off...

And I still won't.  At least, not with a gif.

But here, she says, "I'm not done yet!" and...

Well, yeah.  You aren't done yet.  This goes on for... at least another turn, I think.

sWHqXlq.png

fqVv6J5.png

So for now, I'll plant her behind these sandbags, and-

wait...

On 10/10/2017 at 10:23 PM, Ertrick36 said:

VIJC64D.png

This is always a really good place to put your backing sniper for this map.  The stairs serve as excellent cover, and she has immediate access to the roof for when we need her assistance.

On 10/10/2017 at 10:23 PM, Ertrick36 said:

The stairs serve as excellent cover, and she has immediate access to the roof for when we need her assistance.

On 10/10/2017 at 10:23 PM, Ertrick36 said:

The stairs serve as excellent cover

fucc

GKrQ6b8.png

*Insert some comical ragtime music here*

This doesn't count as Catherine being useless because of what I do next.

W7PwUT5.png

Definitely not pictured: me save-scumming like a total bitch.

Actually, I've been save-scumming... to a moderate degree on this map.  Mostly because I made stupid decisions like this.

ueVU7d4.png

So again, we kill Sergeant Go-Fuck-Yourself, and wind up in pretty much the exact same situation as before, with Catherine at 14 HP and her existential crisis proc'd.

Though this time, not only does the fine sergeant give us a slightly different send-off pose than last time, but I'm also not gonna have Catherine run behind those limp-dick-useless sandbags.

IXysXHi.png

There we be.  Probably would've been better to put her on the stairs... but it's better than the place I was about to put her at before.

qjM21qX.png

Gonna have Musaad give Catherine some steroids.

h4NOlq5.png

And have him run through the desert to join Edy.

Why?

You'll see soon enough.  Or maybe it's more accurate to say that we won't see soon enough.

9Wd2G29.png

The... almost last member of the desert charge squad will be Jann.

Because it'd be really nice to take down those goddamn tanks.

No one likes tank snipers, after all.

ae5hcvg.png

Speaking of sniping and tanks...

Let's snipe this bitch in particular, shall we?

2qalUkk.png

Yeeeaaaahhhh.

Here's a funny thing; Jann also says a variation of "please hit", just like our friendly neighborhood bread-baking serial killer Alicia.

fUUgSrj.png

Let's get Jann moving so that he can at least cover some more ground on his quest to destroy the other tanks.

VF5BALr.png

Or... I guess we can proc a cutscene?

18j7GFi.png

Oh... is it already time? :Kappa:

FtmTXqs.png

Oh, hello, Isara; it feels like forever since I last saw you in-game.

You damn well bet it is time...

The Barius Desert...

Is conjuring...

A N C I E N T   M E M E S !

 

It has come!

The Darude Sandstorm is here ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

Now for as long as this sandstorm stays, you must listen to the song.  If it ends, loop it.

Better read fast.

VbOOpwQ.png

You say they're infamous for sandstorms? :Kappa: :Kappa: :Kappa:

Gee, how many people fell for this joke here?

I think maybe the Darcsen Calamity wasn't caused by magic nukes, but rather ancient Darcsen trolls who created a remix of Sandstorm with enough bass to kill a whale and gathered a bunch of musical connoisseurs to partake in the song that they know all but the name of.

Pretty tragic if that's the case.  As of right now, 81 million people have viewed the video I linked, so that'd be a lot of people killed by meme music.  It's a musical holocaust.

Ahem... anyway...

75HNgUw.pngwDk7vss.pngo8zXRay.png

Wow, the song is powerful enough to not only deafen you, but also make you go blind?

Fuck man, that's insane!

jMUyjie.png

yzjggd0.png

You dumb, worthless fuck...

All this work I do for you.  Maintaining your stupid tank, working with the R&D team to make your weapons...  Those big "ideas" you had?  Also were my achievements.  I was the one who made our tank into a goddamn submarine.  I was the one who prevented a full company from swarming us in our first campaign.  Hell, I was the one who led you to the damn tank in the first place.

And just now you choose to repay me, and with little more than a "Thanks, Is"?

You are living on borrowed time, boy.  You are little more than a small scrub in this world, I a towering giant.  You succeed at my whim.  You better learn to show me more respect.

And by the way, I've labeled this picture "Isara Done With Your Shit 3".  Yeah, I have three of these things now.  Here are the other two.

1cmsBsG.pngEKtGoR8.png

You better watch out, Welks.  Isara's had it with your crap.  The proof is in her eyes, furrowed brow, and pursed lips.  She's onto you, so you better shape up...

You don't wanna go to Isara Hell, would you?

wS7o51s.png

Anyway, so Darude's hit us with a Sandstorm.  I love how right after the dialogue, it just sort of happens.

This was the reason why I tried to move Welkin up; I thought he'd trigger the event.  It was either that or... well, what I did with Jann.

So the thing about this sandstorm is that your sighting line is extremely limited; I think it's less so with Scouts, which is why I moved Mole Rat up a bit.

Take this image for example; there's a tank not too far up ahead (you can see it on the left), but for gameplay purposes, Jann can't actually see the tank.

However, this doesn't mean that you can't still shoot at them; you very much can.  In fact, any time vision is obscured like this, you can cheese the game by firing "blindly" at the enemy.  You do this correctly, the enemy will never dodge.  Not only that, but enemies have a harder time finding you.  Those asshole snipers?  They're never gonna attack us in this storm, not even through interception fire.

So basically, we have a huge advantage over the enemy now.  We're pretty much unstoppable.  In a meme, we have...

NJDNzor.jpg

So what do I do with this newfound power?  Will I hate on the sand I walk on?  Will I slaughter the women and children of the Empire like animals?  How about younglings?

RcEuz7v.png

Actually, I'm just gunnin' for the enemy tank.

Jann's far enough away that the tank's interception fire didn't activate, so that's nice.

KeFIFFs.png

Yup...

And the nice thing is, I can just have Jann stand in the middle of the wasteland here because the enemy can't target him.

Thank you, Darude ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

Can I just call a sandstorm "Darude's Protection" from now on?

28ysbgc.png13pSbOw.png

Also reconfiguring Homer's location.

I want an engineer to be following Jann, and due to his potentials, it's better if that engineer is a dude, and Nadine, as far as I know, is definitely no bro, bro.

Next... maybe Edy will get more spotlight, 'cuz I'll use-

UzzEP8z.png

SGxA9Y6.png

Okay, there are a number of things wrong here.

First of all, fucker took Edy's health down to half.

Secondly, Panicky has proc'd, which is never a good thing.

Thirdly, how the fuck is it that I managed to cause her to levitate over this trench at probably the worst possible time?

She can't crouch at all...

SxuPF52.png

fucc

Can't even kill the guy.

And he took even more of her health away.

I think we just came across Corporal Eat-a-Dick.

Well...

O8Le08f.pngPJSdgBe.png

Fuck it, lob a grenade at the dude ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

0OywACQ.png

Catherine out here earnin' respec n' killin' dudes with demeaning names.

rfYoPkC.png

Yeah, yeah, you go eat a dick, bitch!

gFIcsXJ.png

Not gonna make the same mistake twice.

You stay on the stairs.

OoqprBx.png

Also gonna have Mizz Novelist Rockstar here repair the tank.  Because I really don't want to have to do this all over.

Now let's see what the enemy does.

Uyot83w.png

fucc

fufS4B8.png

Yeah, see them question marks?

Love that.

What's more concerning is that we can still see one of the tanks.  That means the tank can probably see one of our units; probably Edy.

hr29rBi.png

Xj6C9ir.png

Okay, at this point, the enemy's just trying to piss me off.

ugpjqno.png

Vroom vroom, bitches.

eSBDXSL.png

ZuPmUzA.pngJHQwl6k.png

Well now...

I guess the commander of this tank is Lieutenant Asshole himself, because FUCK YOU.

That being said, if none of the enemies run towards Edy, this will actually all be fine.

Also, let's admire the pose Edy's taking on.  Even on the verge of death, she still tries to exude an air of elegance by practicing her dance poses.

Truly, Edy is an asset to our team.

6IvIxeB.png

So more pointless tank driving...

cOWaDur.png

You fuck, you better stay away from Edy!

KiGJ1ZH.png

Somebody stop me, please.

And I think this is the Ace of the map that's moving around.  He's hiding behind a wall in the middle of the desert.  I think he's a sniper, but I don't remember.

eEK9s21.png

Oh, thank Isara, the enemy didn't capture Edy!

With that said...

 

I'm gonna break the pinky promise I made and stop here..  Though I guarantee that the next part will be the end of the gameplay segment of this chapter.

I'll be back after Isara chops my pinky finger off.  Until then, stay safe, and make sure to not choke on a sandwich or ruin your keyboard.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ertrick36 said:

Also, let's admire the pose Edy's taking on.  Even on the verge of death, she still tries to exude an air of elegance by practicing her dance poses.

Truly, Edy is an asset to our team.

Dang it Edy you had one job and you blew it! You were already a rising star so that's why they targeted you and sadly you'll never attain your dreams of Stardom. At least not as soon once you get out of the Ragnaid tank (since assuming it works like Bacta).

1 hour ago, Ertrick36 said:

And I think this is the Ace of the map that's moving around.  He's hiding behind a wall in the middle of the desert.  I think he's a sniper, but I don't remember.

I remember this. He is a Sniper, I remember as I had moved Edy ahead enough to Flank that I accidentally found him and Edy killed him instantly. Man all this talk of Edy makes me want to use her even more in Valkyria (but she's already deployed on every map as it is)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/13/2017 at 3:22 PM, LucarioGamer812 said:

Dang it Edy you had one job and you blew it! You were already a rising star so that's why they targeted you and sadly you'll never attain your dreams of Stardom. At least not as soon once you get out of the Ragnaid tank (since assuming it works like Bacta).

Spoiler

I imagine that's what they put Selvaria in when they were experimenting on her.

 

On 10/13/2017 at 3:22 PM, LucarioGamer812 said:

I remember this. He is a Sniper, I remember as I had moved Edy ahead enough to Flank that I accidentally found him and Edy killed him instantly. Man all this talk of Edy makes me want to use her even more in Valkyria (but she's already deployed on every map as it is)

Wait 'till you see how I have to deal with him...

It definitely isn't through an "accident", I'll tell you that much.

 

So a couple days back, one of my cats escaped into my backyard, and I had to spend a good few hours trying to fetch him from under a deck.  This has nothing to do with the LP, but I wanted everyone to know what a dumb, pain-in-the-neck, bitch-ass cat he is.  Though he's also adorable, isn't a total recluse, and loves to snuggle with people, so he's forgiven.

Also getting addicted to this little game called Stardew Valley.  In it, I find the local mayor's lost purple "funtime" shorts, help a local Walmart stocker deal with his alcoholism and existential dread, talk to kids about the realities of war while their dad is actively serving the military, and enter a psychedelic dancer chick's (probably drug-induced) dream.  Oh, and it's supposed to be a cute little farming game, apparently?

Anyway...

Do you wish to continue the Eeeellllll Pee?  Yes orrrr no?

Chapter 6-6: Darude's Protection Is Now Ready to Roll! (Gameplay)

Spoiler

RSWdN2z.png

But is Genny ready to roll?

So the usual deal is in order...  Though this will be the last gameplay portion.  That's right, folks, after several weeks, we'll finally be done with this garbage ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

VT9LXAX.png

Where... we... last... left... off.

  • Darude Sandstorm
  • Also, apparently someone died

So now unfortunately, Darude's protection has expired for the time being.  But like "Daruk's Protection" from Zelda, it recharges after a time ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

GMiSKwf.png

For now, we've got a bit of a sticky situation.  Though it isn't nothing that a little ingenuity can't fix.

Or should I say...

MkCDnpk.png

ENGINE-NUI-

Oh, I didn't use him yet?

0iAhxEd.png

Oh that's right, there's a stupid sniper bitch sittin' there.

Lemme introduce you to the direct superior of Sergeant Go-Fuck-Yourself, Lieutenant Fucked-Your-Mom.

They may be different people, but there's one similarity between them that will shock you to your very core; they're both assholes!

Look at what this fuck did to Catherine's health!

eP1RNp1.png

QOFXhgh.png

Wow, I can take him down in one shot?

That's a rare occurrence...  Or at least, it feels rare.

Qpz29tY.png

...

Spoiler

I'm sorry, but all I can think of while watching this guy fall down is this song:

So beautiful... and so tragic ;_;7

Right, so Lieutenant Fucked-Your-Mom is fucking dead.  Can you believe it?  Man, I've been using a lot of "fucks" in this LP lately.

6Bk3y1O.png

Now time to run to Mr. Simpson.  I don't know how his experience working at a nuclear power plant will help here, but don't worry your head over the details.

Is it too late to make my "engine-nuity" joke?

3TNB8An.png

He'll just cram a little capsule that definitely doesn't contain radioactive material into her spine!

QSpMeQ7.png

And now have him run to Jann to resupply...

Now that we've fielded pretty much all the troops and have them running through the desert without nameless horses, many turns will be spent mostly moving the troops around...

I'll spare you such details and only show you the important stuff.  That is:

  • When I kill someone/a tank
  • When an enemy kills one of my troops
  • A significant struggle or event happens
  • I capture the flag

Because if I keep showing you every action they take, this thing will go on well passed Halloween.

bxBSGLW.png

So I have Abused Homer Simpson rescue his informal commander.

I just realized that I probably should've put that Celine Dion right after Edy got taken down...

Also, when he rescues someone, he'll usually either say "It's my place to die, not yours," or "I'll probably be next".

This fuggin' guy, though :sob:

tPsUwRx.png

Damn, this looks like the start of a spaghetti western confrontation.

In fact, it is a confrontation!  Let me get some fitting music for this.

So while you're listening to the sweet toons of Zelda, lemme spin some yarn on the situation.

KDoKyJr.png

Our quarry here is Malya the Dust.  N' he's been up to no good down in these parts.

Once a typical ranch hand, the damn Empire razed his farm and killed his entire family.  At the feeble age of eight, he turned to a life o' crime, plunderin' folks's live stock and cattle rustlin' like a mother trucker.  He din't care what way the winds blew; Imperials, Feds, Gallians... as long as there was good money in it for him, he cared not for the lives of the folks he hurt.

Then one fateful day, Lord Maximilian noticed his tenacity and had his troops capture ol' Malya.  But unlike most crooks, this fella wouldn't go down to the gallows.  Instead, Maximilian gave the dastardly villain a highfalutin job as one of the most esteemed of his stack o' Spades.

Now this Ace, best known for his duckin' n' coverin', has become a right terror for the Gallian defenders.  That is, until one brave man stood toe-to-toe with him.  The man, the legend... Homer Peron.

hrrZoiQ.png

Our gunslingin' hero had a plan to deal with Dust's dodgin'; he would use Wavy's patented Boy Scout Grenades™ so that the sly fox would have nowheres to run.

7trPHnM.png

Though dodge he did try, he couldn't escape the blasts of Wavy's brilliant invention.

"Grr... you damned cheater!" Malya cried out.

"Sorry..." Homer mumbled...  "But your days of cheating death are over."

Xvuyf1y.png

And Homer, being the smart hound he is, ran to cover before Dust the sniper could react.

qHnLV9r.png

The very next time, Homer surprised his fast-totin' foe with another grenade, but this time thrown from behind the safety of this sturdy wall.

kam2oSH.png

Before he chucked the last grenade, he smirked grimly.  Rememberin' the days when Malya would sit by the fire with him, enjoyin' good ol' campfire tales, it made him slightly sad that it had come down to this.  But Homer always remembered the words of his dear friend.

"Homey boy, if I were to ever turn to villainy and start workin' with folks who call 'emselves Go-Fuck-Yourself and Fucked-Your-Mom, I would want you to show me no mercy... I'd want you to be the one to kill me."

And so... he loosened the grenade from his grasp and let it fly to the feet of his former friend.

A7k5aCf.png

The grenade blasted ol' Malya the Dust off his feet, causing him to land on his head and break his neck...

This... was the end of Malya the Dust.

6DQ9TCH.png

Homer let out a heavy sigh of relief as this chapter of his life comes to a close.

He no longer had any loose ends to tie up; no more weights holding him back from destroying the Empire.  He would now remain fiercely loyal to Edy Nelson and, by extension, President Superior GUNSLINGIN' Cold-Blooded Overachieving Worldwide Tank Driving Genocidal Fast-Thinking Code-Talker the Post Apocalyptic Bitter as Hell Time Travelling Ultra Grande Exalt of Ylisse, Europa, Black Mesa, America, and Magvel, Daedric Prince of MADNESS and Cheese Driven G-Approved Interdimensional Agent of the Porcavian Pigs and Wildwoods who wields the ancient powers of DARUDE'S PROTECTION.

Ahem...

Let's move on from this, shall we?

t7O29N1.png

aEQF0Aa.png

Jann, pls

7kSH7Ha.png

But Jann "can go another round".

Okay, between comments like this and faces like...

xgD9be1.png

I'm surprised this game isn't M for Mature due to its Extreme Smut.

We need to ban this game from being sold on the shelves right now!  Get this filth off the street and out of the hands of young lads and ladies with a future ahead of them!

I won't stand for this... this... 

x1D25r9.jpg

 

And regardless of remarks with obvious innuendos, this doesn't really help our current situation.  Which is that I only have two CPs left, and no tanks have been destroyed or even damaged.

I shouldn't use that word, given that the I put an image with the Joker right above.  Yeah, it isn't the same Joker, but still.

bSBDxfq.pngAejE6zP.png

So I use the last two CPs to bring these lovely ladies up and prepare for proper engagement.

You see, now I'm thinking with power...

rknFFUP.jpg

Now I just need the Power Glove, and I'm all set.

Alright, what will the enemy do n-

F2PANJq.png

aEQF0Aa.png

...

So you remember Corporal Eat-A-Dick?

Well, this is his officer, Major Bitch-Ass.

And no, the sandstorm will not start back up yet.

However, because literally all of my allies are behind cover, no dumbshit sniper will hit anyone.

6kUlkV5.png

In fact, all the enemies even did was just move their troops around.

In what ways, you ask?  Well, lemme go down the list for you.

  • None of the shocktroopers moved at all
  • Tank number one (the northern-most one) switched places with tank number two (the western-most one), so now one of them will be really annoying to deal with, while the other one will be a piece of cake
  • Dumbass sniper ran out into the open for no fucking reason

Got it?  Good.

cSOEWSS.png

'Cuz DARUDE'S PROTECTION IS NOW READY TO ROLL! ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

And once again, the advantage is very much one-sided.  In fact, I'll end the battle right here.

llgIIGo.pngBfZVyiD.png

First of all, Private Mayflower has had enough of your shit, Officer Whatever-the-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck.

I actually can't believe Musaad was able to kill him; his aim was shit.

wzZNniZ.pngF9LRAtB.png

Then we'll have Imp Murderer Jane fill this guy with as many holes as there are in this desert.

Which is apparently fifteen.

gHWNewW.png8wEyIK6.png

And Jann will destroy both tanks.

Uuk7VoX.pngZsCmDX1.png

Homer will lead this dick into a trap...

Ignore the tank; I have Jann destroy it after killing this guy.

36tGj2P.pngCknKIQl.png

So that Jane can MURDER even more...

GtycChX.pngeai49j6.png

And have Homer go in for the kill ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

1FiMtB8.png

Re-sults, boyos!

Lowest rank I could get without outright failing.  But...  I killed all the enemy leaders, the Ace, and the tanks.  So in actuality, I did pretty good.

sW51GEv.png

QOFXhgh.png

And I got an enemy sniper rifle!

Except there's one major problem with it...

But I'll get around to explaining that when the time comes.

For now, let's relish in our victory here.

What did all this trouble lead up to?

...

.....

.........

...............

............................

jH2F1KO.png

Oh right, it did

FUCKING NOTHING OF VALUE!

ai2e84Z.png

Fuck this filler PoS chapter.

Until next time.

cpiGtnN.png

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow. I completely missed the update on Friday. Time to cut on those concentration drugs...
Or maybe I should learn to stop scrolling through my notifications like: "Mmm-hm. Yes. Yeah. Sure. Cool. OK. Oh!"

 

On 10/13/2017 at 10:13 PM, Ertrick36 said:

His name is Sergeant Go-Fuck-Yourself.

Reminds me of this old obscure game called SHOGO: Mobile Armor Division where the protag says "Sir! Shut the hell up! Sir!" to his admiral at one point...

 

On 10/13/2017 at 10:13 PM, Ertrick36 said:

You say they're infamous for sandstorms?

Yes. I am laughing more than I should... lmao

 

On 10/13/2017 at 10:13 PM, Ertrick36 said:

You are living on borrowed time, boy.

Gosh. At this rate we REALLY need a fanfic where Isara actually takes over as the next dictator and ushers a new age for the whole continent. It is basically writing itself at this point :D

 

On 10/13/2017 at 10:13 PM, Ertrick36 said:

And finally acquire a net-positive to the CUC.

Heh. Last time I kept such a counter in a different LP, I always found a joke excuse not to give any positive points but this time I am going to be fair. Harsh but fair. Promise.
CUC +4.5 -> 3.5
It is still Catherine though: -1 -> 2.5

 

On 10/13/2017 at 11:22 PM, LucarioGamer812 said:

Man all this talk of Edy makes me want to use her even more in Valkyria

Wow. I misread that as "to use her even more as a Valkyria".
Imagine that. Ragnaid lit podium and shit. Probably :D

 

15 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

He din't care what way the winds blew; Imperials, Feds, Gallians... as long as there was good money in it for him, he cared not for the lives of the folks he hurt.

It is unfortunate when a person dies. It is also unfortunate when a thousand people die in the Empire every day. Sometimes people must die for a change to occur and smuggling be used to revitalize broken economy. He had potential Maximillian wasted by sending him on the front. He would find much better position in the future Isara's state.

 

15 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

I'm surprised this game isn't M for Mature due to its Extreme Smut.

I have since had to look up some.... I am ashamed but not sorry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, MadJak91 said:

Wow. I completely missed the update on Friday. Time to cut on those concentration drugs...
Or maybe I should learn to stop scrolling through my notifications like: "Mmm-hm. Yes. Yeah. Sure. Cool. OK. Oh!"

Reminds me of this old obscure game called SHOGO: Mobile Armor Division where the protag says "Sir! Shut the hell up! Sir!" to his admiral at one point...

Yes. I am laughing more than I should... lmao

Gosh. At this rate we REALLY need a fanfic where Isara actually takes over as the next dictator and ushers a new age for the whole continent. It is basically writing itself at this point :D

Heh. Last time I kept such a counter in a different LP, I always found a joke excuse not to give any positive points but this time I am going to be fair. Harsh but fair. Promise.
CUC +4.5 -> 3.5
It is still Catherine though: -1 -> 2.5

Wow. I misread that as "to use her even more as a Valkyria".
Imagine that. Ragnaid lit podium and shit. Probably :D

It is unfortunate when a person dies. It is also unfortunate when a thousand people die in the Empire every day. Sometimes people must die for a change to occur and smuggling be used to revitalize broken economy. He had potential Maximillian wasted by sending him on the front. He would find much better position in the future Isara's state.

I have since had to look up some.... I am ashamed but not sorry.

- Are you, by chance, taking Cosette's patented Brain Enhancer Pills©?

- Dude must have some serious balls; you're liable to get latrine duty if not outright sent on a suicide op for talking to a member of the brass like that

- I had that joke planned ever since I remembered the gimmick behind this chapter, and I'm unashamed of it

- She is, without a doubt, the most important character in this version of Valkyria Chronicles...
Expect some twists later on

- I'm glad I could convince you to give ol' Catherine some leeway

- Yeah, it would be interesting to see Valkyrur Edy, wouldn't it?

- Because he was an enemy sniper, he needed to die... it is dictated in Isara's Rules of Combat Engagement that all enemy snipers shall be granted a swift and decisive death...
However, other Aces may be granted a place in her Utopia if they prove worthy enough...

- Smut involving Jann or Alicia?  Or Isara (she's sixteen)?  Or Texas?  Or Rosie?  Or some combination thereof?

 

So in FE Warriors, Oboro is a DLC character that's a part of one of the packs...

Not what I expected, but hey, she'll be a playable character!  That's good enough for me ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

Anyway, let's continue this train.

Chapter 6-7: A Clam Named After a Warship, and the Albino Glows in the Dark? (Closing)

Spoiler

2TEAyk6.png

So after the filler battle, we come across some actual plot.

We've just stumbled upon a strange structure that kind of looks like an opera house or something.

g54w9n4.png

I think Largo should be the protagonist at this point because quite frankly, he's always saying what's on my mind.

eydBw03.png

I'll say...

hRWHpRg.png

Oh hey, it's this guy!

Remember him?

He's the guy that studied the totally not scientific field of archaeology.  He's also the leader of the First Platoon, a platoon of which we will only ever really hear about one other time.  Spoiler alert, that time is fast approaching.

ZRIlaPn.png

Apparently, Welks needed to be issued a spoop warning.

Come on, man, it's goddamn October!  You should expect to get spooped.

Swy0nzy.png

Ah, that makes a lot of sense.

Why we don't have knowledge of these ruins before this war even started, I don't know.  Maybe no one bothered going all the way out in the desert to check?

In any case, Faldio will tell us everything about this place, because Welks and Alicia are too stupid to know and Isara doesn't give enough of a shit to tell them.

sYgTd1g.png

But first, lemme share this pic of Sad Welks with you.

It reminds me of this pic for some reason:

einqwuZ.png

Probably because it looks both dopey and sad.

4osoCc4.png

So yes, this is a Valkyrur Ruin.  One of the few remnants of the ancient race of warrior women known as the Valkyria.

In case it wasn't obvious from discussions on this thread, they're not extinct, but most everyone thinks they are.  This is because of a certain trait of the Valkyrur that makes it difficult to find out who is or isn't one of them.

The only hint I'll put out there is that being a Valkyrur is a painful burden.

 

Anyway, so this here is one of their structures.  Given that the other members of the Drei Stern implied that Maximilian's reasoning for going to the desert had to do with the Valkyrur, we can assume that Maximilian probably visited or is currently visiting this place.

Gee, I wonder if there's gonna be a confrontation here, guys.

d8csk6o.png

Oh how adorable.

She's pretending not to know the truth to make Faldio feel better.

Ain't she just a doll?

Spoiler

Internally, she's probably like...

Fram7CP.png

They better not be still alive.

A1mVVi3.pngmZnbH5s.pngeVfXMue.png

Gee, that isn't suspicious at all.

Why would an entire race of what are essentially Goddesses of War "disappear"?

Actually, now that I think about it, why do they "suddenly appear"as well?

G4wqdlH.png

...

I...

There's so much I want to say right now, but I can't.

But I will say this; look at that dopey face once again.

Anime truly is a wonderful thing, is it not?

Hy70G3A.png

?????

What do you re-

xraNjvR.png

Don't interrupt me, shock 'Licia!

Though yeah, what the hell are you shouting about?

OheD8pS.png

What?

You trying to tell me that this structure looks like a giant battleship?

'Cuz I ain't seeing it, Welks.

pJSd2s4.png

And here's a sad 'Licia to compliment Sad Welks.

I'm glad I'm just now starting to collect these.

sQe24dV.png

Oh right, this guy's obsessed with bugs n' shit...

Why is there a goddamn cephalopod named after a class of warship?

And not just any kind of warship; it's the mother of all warships.

Must be a big fuckin' clam.

pjcpoZU.png

Lemme finish that for you!

"... a dumbfuck!"

Yeah.

Seriously Welks, I think you're a little bit too crazy about bugs and nature.

rk5QbwK.png

Dude looks stoned out of his fucking mind...

Which is probably why he gave us such a terrible idea.

Tad1oUG.png

aEQF0Aa.png

Why Alicia, of all people?

She's of a weak class (which is the same as yours), she's dumb, and on top of everything, there's a certain someone with a better resume than anyone else here for pretty much everything.

66FFXSD.png

Do you remember what happened the last time you left them alone with each other, you moron?

th3lQK3.png

You're the worst platoon leader ever!

Sometimes I think that making Isara the adoptive sister of Welkin was an afterthought, because he sure seems to toss her aside with the other platoon members in favor of Alicia a lot.

mvYXtOM.png

Isara almost seldom makes mistakes, but I think this statement right here is objectively wrong.

Neither kind nor loyal.  Doesn't even give a shit about his amazing adoptive sister.

0/10, worst brother ever.

Okay but seriously, there's plot reasons for why things keep happening like this.

Anyway, after Welkin abandons his supposedly cherished sister, we then cut to this scene.

dDIlXuJ.png

Oh man, capitalizing "our"?  Does he think he's some polydeity thing?  Or do the Imperial royalty just think they're all gods?

Anyway...

h2AkCYi.png

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, OUR MAIN ENEMY IS INSIDE THE RUIN!

Not that it's much of a surprise, really, but still...

According to T.V. Tropes and Idioms, this would classify as a Final Boss Preview... I think.

tq7yjeG.png

J0QPUos.png

The albino GLOWS IN THE DARK?!?!

Okay yeah, no point in beating around the bush anymore...

She has an unnatural appearance, she's already a goddamn General in the Empire at the spry young age of twenty-goddamn-two, she seems heavily connected to the Valkyrur, and she glows the same color as Ragnite, a mineral that quite literally is a power source for both people and machines.

She's a Valkyrur.  And that is the main reason she's such a terrifying foe.  Screw the other guys; she can fuck your shit up simply by pinching you.

ac1JTWX.png

...

This dude's twenty-nine years old.

And he's neither a god nor a religious figure.  He isn't even a well respected member of the Imperial royalty.

He's just being a condescending fuckface.

No wonder he feels the need to compensate; he's probably never had sex in his life.

8uzHvHQ.png

Are you saying that there's some kind of holy weapon hiding somewhere inside the capital?

Well, I guess if you're searching for it, you could call yourself a...

Spoiler

I think these lyrics in particular capture... things about all of this:

Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel

yAUckJk.png

"Made pillar of its keeper's keep..."

Wait...

Keeper's keep?  As in, the people who rule the capital?

3JRjknr.png

Great, the damn lance is not only inside the capital, but within the castle as well.

Because we really wanted this place to be EVEN MORE of a target than before.

LSFgsQi.png

Capturing faces like this will be important for when I do the first DLC.

Trust me.

gGmqkX9.png

Uh...

SGxA9Y6.png

Why does Selvaria look slightly cockeyed here?

Yet another picture to use for that DLC I keep talking about.

Also a good question...

MZ5lFYo.png

... that isn't really answered at all.

aGGXNng.png

And another pic I can use for DLC reactions.

As I said before, he doesn't really care about the Gallian invasion itself.  He mostly seems to care about seizing the secret powers it seems to hold within its borders so that he can turn his focus to his broader goals.

 

And that's the end of this chapter.  Right when you were actually getting into the juicy stuff, it had to end, didn't it?

Interlude 6:

Spoiler

There aren't any new recruits I care about here, so I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to the next part of this.

lmfWZxg.png

So per usual, I'll check up on all the facilities, starting with our psychotic, money-mooching friend Ellet.

9MNDiNy.png

Summaries:

  • Imperial Shadow Hits Barious: Reports from Central Command tell of Imperials roaming the desert; no one knows why they are there, but some speculate that there's an untapped mining lode which the Empire wishes to investigate.
  • Gallia-Federation Talks Begin: Gallian Prime Minister Borg of Gallia and Ambassador Townshend of the Atlantic Federation have called for talks of a potential alliance between the two countries, though many suspect the Feds seek to acquire Gallia for its resources.

The latter is foreshadowing an event we'll actually get to witness.

Do you think it'll pan out all that well?

l8K0Fr0.png

svz0dnX.png

aapNzZS.png

Fuck, we got LARGO'S PASSION?!

3JNNn5d.png

HELL YEAH!
I'm so pumped to do this part, you have no idea!

Anyway, now we'll go to the cemetery to see what Raiden has to teach us.

BGMLeuD.pngmkItSKk.png

A new Order, nothing is misspelled, and the voice audio actually matches the text this time ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

No, I didn't edit these pictures, this is how he always looked.

Right, so this Order is basically True Awakening, except less potent.  You use this order on a unit, the chances of their chance-based potentials activating are raised.

Good stuff.

Now let's get to the Barracks and see who unlocked their potential(s).

J80FVe7.png

First we got Musaad with Bloodthirsty, which makes him shoot twice.

That's actually fairly useful for a scout because that way, there's an actual chance that he can kill a tough foe like a lancer or shocktrooper... if he aims for the head.

ofVjm8A.png

Next is Jane with...

J0QPUos.png

Sadist?

When attacking, she gains a boost in anti-personnel attack power...

But wait til you see it activate.  It's the most terrifying thing.

4q3NxKo.png

And again with the fucked up potentials!

Homer got Masochist, which means that whenever he's at half-health or less, his defense skyrockets.

And he absolutely LOVES the associated pain.

It really is fucked up.  I'm not even kidding.

1ewYP4D.png

Taking a break from kinks, we have Nadine with Rear Guard, which boosts her attack power whenever she uses the last CP available.

bQXeHRd.png

Finally, we've got Emile with probably the most pointless potential a sniper could have, Never Say Die.

When his HP reaches a single digit, his accuracy increases.  This is useless because especially in this mod, you shouldn't be putting your snipers in situations where their HP would reach a single digit.  And even when they encounter an enemy sniper...

0iAhxEd.png

they almost seldom ever take your unit's health down to a single digit.

So yeah.  Get ready to never see this potential activate.

tU5gM4A.png

We'll also give Mizz Useful the enemy sniper rifle we scalped.

So here's what's so bad about this PoS...

Compare the stats to the other gun.

c5jMbxL.png

The attack damage differences aren't a huge deal...

But the Imperial sniper rifle is inaccurate as hell.  You'll see in the next chapter (not the report, but the actual next chapter) just how much worse it is.

You give someone this gun, it's going to hit less often, and thus it'll probably piss me off more frequently.

This gun is geared towards defensive sniping.  So that's what we'll use it for.  Plus, because of Catherine's hidden potential, it's better to give her a weapon that doesn't have limited ammo.

So now we're done with the Barracks... let's finally head down to the field to chat up old Rodriguez and level up our units.  Seriously, that's the instructor's name; Calvaro Rodriguez.  I had to look it up.

YE2g4Qs.pngoXp2paP.png

Oh man, look at them sixes.

Satan confirmed.  But he pissed his pants after seeing that Isara was among us and fled from the scene.

And that about does it for this segment as well.

Tune in next time for...

3JNNn5d.png

VEGE-TA-BLES!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes I feel like you know a bit more about military than just possible interest but you do not have to answer that. And no, I am not a spy asking, lmao.

3 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

Or some combination thereof?

Yes....

 

3 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

One of the few remnants of the ancient race of warrior women known as the Valkyria.

Spoiler

I guess I need a refresher unless it is in the game and I forgot but I think nobody really says anything about what happened to them. The Valkyrur apparently just left but... where? Kind of weird to think they disappeared because where would they go in a civilized world? Hm. The Darcsen make sense because they GOT REKT and you still see plenty of them but with the Valkyrur it seems like they died (civilization illness, collapse, war etc.) and only a very few descendants survived to keep a bit of blood circulating (Selvaria, Alicia, other Valkyria mentioned in other stories). Do you know something?

 

3 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

"Made pillar of its keeper's keep..."

Oh. I thought Selvaria was just addressing Max with an innuendo related to their relationship... ....

 

3 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

No, I didn't edit these pictures, this is how he always looked.

I learned that sandwich can wait a bit. Good.
Oh! Did the mod change how his offers for orders work? Curious. If I am not mistaken, you can actually miss orders because it is slightly random whether he offers an order or not but there are only limited opportunities when he has an order for you. Something like that.

 

4 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

Taking a break from kinks, we have Nadine with Rear Guard

This... was planned, right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MadJak91 said:

I guess I need a refresher unless it is in the game and I forgot but I think nobody really says anything about what happened to them. The Valkyrur apparently just left but... where? Kind of weird to think they disappeared because where would they go in a civilized world? Hm. The Darcsen make sense because they GOT REKT and you still see plenty of them but with the Valkyrur it seems like they died (civilization illness, collapse, war etc.) and only a very few descendants survived to keep a bit of blood circulating (Selvaria, Alicia, other Valkyria mentioned in other stories). Do you know something?

Spoiler

Actually I believe it is talked about at towards the end of the game. If I recall right the Valkyria did appear out of nowhere with their ragnaid weapons, but were instead conquerors in place of war heroes, Darcsens were actually just normal people, though in clans. One clan betrayed them and joined the Valkyrian conquest. As a spoil of war they got an entire country, a valkyrian lance, and the right to rule said country. The other darcsens were enslaved and that one clan was labeled Valkyrur and never revealed their identity, basically going with the general valkyria myth we heard. The Valkyria over time basically merged with society, interbred, and no pure blood was left. Meaning over thousands of years they just assimilated into normal life with Valkyrias being very rare and the stuff of legends. I don't know much about VC2 but I know of 3 Valkyria in the entire series. So that could be a sign that they're rare. Though I think them being to limited to just women is either fanservice or something oddly specific with genetics. Anyways enough of me rambling.

 

OH SNAP WE'RE GOING TO SEE LARGO FIGHT FOR HIS VEGE-TA-BLES! Honestly one of my favorite reports

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, MadJak91 said:

Sometimes I feel like you know a bit more about military than just possible interest but you do not have to answer that. And no, I am not a spy asking, lmao.

I'm definitely no soldier, but some people I'm close to serve in the military and I am a bit of an enthusiast in that sort of knowledge.

I actually knew of dreadnoughts from Mass Effect and just did a quick search of the word.

Fun warship fact: There was an Imperial Japanese navy destroyer called Oboro, which is probably one reason the character from Fates was given the same name.

11 hours ago, MadJak91 said:
  Hide contents

I guess I need a refresher unless it is in the game and I forgot but I think nobody really says anything about what happened to them. The Valkyrur apparently just left but... where? Kind of weird to think they disappeared because where would they go in a civilized world? Hm. The Darcsen make sense because they GOT REKT and you still see plenty of them but with the Valkyrur it seems like they died (civilization illness, collapse, war etc.) and only a very few descendants survived to keep a bit of blood circulating (Selvaria, Alicia, other Valkyria mentioned in other stories). Do you know something?

 

Spoiler

Basically what Lucario said.

Though the reason the Valkyrur "disappeared" was not only an assimilation into common society, but also because the only way they can bring out their powers is by coming very close to death.  And since they didn't really have need to do anything else warlike, the ones with the knowledge of this secret never found a reason to unleash their powers, and apparently didn't find a reason to pass that knowledge on except through ancient text that almost no one can access.  So they "disappeared" because those that actually do carry Valkyrur blood never learn about it.  Except two certain individuals in this game.

We all know how Alicia discovers that she's a Valkyrur; in fact, it is more apt to say that Faldio discovers it.  But as for Selvaria, she was the victim of brutal experiments that sought to bring out the powers of the Valkyria.  What I imagine they did to her (and probably other girls) is they would beat, stab, shoot, or otherwise maim them to the point of near death, and then revitalize them through intensive ragnaid treatment.  And after a girl demonstrates their ability to become a Valkyrur, the researchers continue to repeat this process so that they can both acclimatize the subject to her form (so that she isn't walking around mindlessly like Alicia when she first becomes a Valkyrur) and continue to study it.

We also learn that Maximilian was actually the man responsible for Selvaria being put through that in the first place, but Selvaria sees him as her hero because he was also the one who took her away from the place (the fucker probably even brought troops in and killed some of the researchers, just to make it all look "authentic").  Also, Princess Cordelia is actually one of the descendants of the traitorous Darcsen clan, but in VC2 she takes measures to atone for the sins of her ancestors by revealing her Darcsen descent and encouraging tolerance and acceptance for Darcsens, which causes a civil war in Gallia which is the primary war in that game.

 

10 hours ago, LucarioGamer812 said:
  Hide contents

Though I think them being to limited to just women is either fanservice or something oddly specific with genetics.

 

Spoiler

It's because "Valkyrur" refers to a female warrior explicitly.  That alone would make it weird (and all the more hilarious in Damon's case) if a man became one.

Though there could definitely be a scientific explanation for it.

 

11 hours ago, MadJak91 said:

Oh. I thought Selvaria was just addressing Max with an innuendo related to their relationship... ....

Spoiler

You sick little dastard... you were looking up Selvaria x Maximilian smut, weren't you?

It's literally referring to how the Valkof was made a part of the castle.

Remember that the Marmota had to run right through Randgriz and destroy the building that encapsulates the giant lance that it winds up using.

That is the weapon is the weapon this text was referring to.

And when Maximilian says this:

MZ5lFYo.png

He's referring to the Marmota's construction.

It's just that all of this is so vague, you don't actually know what they're talking about aside from the fact that whatever they're looking for is somewhere in the capital.

 

11 hours ago, MadJak91 said:

Oh! Did the mod change how his offers for orders work? Curious. If I am not mistaken, you can actually miss orders because it is slightly random whether he offers an order or not but there are only limited opportunities when he has an order for you. Something like that.

Well, aside from adding in one or two new orders, it also changed the way you learn orders.

First off, you learn the majority of orders from the drill instructor after leveling your classes up to certain levels; there's three associated with each class.  As far as I know, this is unchanged.

Secondly, you can learn from a pool of nine orders from the old man in the cemetery, plus an additional one in New Game Plus.  The thing the mod changed is that you can learn any of these orders from the very beginning, while in the original you'd only be open to, like, three or five learnable orders until you progressed further into the game.  It's still one per chapter though, and sometimes the old man won't teach you an order after beating a chapter even though he actually still has orders left to teach.

You could get locked out of some orders either by never visiting him or by being unlucky and him not teaching you very many orders due to him being a crusty, senile ol' dimwit.

11 hours ago, MadJak91 said:

This... was planned, right?

...

Goddammit

 

Get ready for one of the best twists to a character you'll ever see in your life.

It's time...

For Largo's Passion.

Report Segment: The Power of Veggie-Bombs! (Part 1 - Intro)

Spoiler

mWKZR0K.png

Are you ready for this?  I don't think you are...

E6GYpfK.png

As you can see, this is a short and sweet segment, but it's packed full of Largo and vegetables.

Let's get the show on the road.

CHT0qUm.png

We open up to Cap'n Carrot calling us during lunchtime.

YpwMwCJ.png

Rude.

mnndciU.png

Fuckin'...

You don't know what it's like, being a big man who works hard.

You want him to shut up?  Bake him a goddamn loaf of bread!  You sure were eager to let Welkin eat up all your bread the one time; why not make an even bigger batch for a bigger boy?

FM8PnQx.png

Wait, it wasn't ye ol' Cap'n who called us, but this smug bastard?

You know he was probably doing a lot of this:

mumreSB.png

just before the briefing.

Just look at that smug face of his!  How dare he!

jI6cwi2.png

Oh, don't worry about that; that's just Isara taking in all the taxes.

Unless...

This is an assassination plot?!

aGpqcIJ.png

Oh no, nevermind.

The village idiots don't know a thing.

And Isara's probably just thinking...

Spoiler

ECYcHyT.png

Good.  Let the idiots starve to death if they can't pay me a modest fee.

xrp6QnD.png

Oh, wait...

He's talking about a different food price hike.

My bad...

6d2r1Va.png

Oh shit.

You done fucked up, Imps.  You pissed off the wrong man!

LYYR3bT.png

"Not exciting"?  That's an understatement!

JwNqjDk.png

Yeah, Rosie!  Do you understand the situation we're in?!

qBrcaIM.png

Problem?!

PROBLEM?!?!?!

Largo will tell you what the "problem" is, girlie!

And yes, I'm finding reaction pics left and right here.

7DXoMbr.png

Vegetable are like BOMBS!

Damn, if my teachers talked about them like that, I'd have eaten them a lot more often than I did.

oUaIgxA.png

bThULZ2.png

Really now, Largo?

Also, why does Largo got some "fuck me" eyes going on there?

VrRrc98.png

Bombs in kids?

Sounds like the perfect tool for terrorists...

Or Isara's new regime.

CTzcPzX.png

Why do you look so goddamn happy, Welks?

Wait...

Are you finally adjusting?  Did that peaceful demeanor wane?  Are you in a killing mood?

Because both Isara and I hope so.

yWTkAob.png

THE FEAR OF VEGGIES!!!

Someone needs to give this guy an award or something!  He's a real treat!

SYVOkTA.png

So much so that I think he broke Alicia.

 

End of intro.  The next part will be kind of short as well, and same with the one after that.  Reports tend to be very short.

 

Edited by Ertrick36
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:
Spoiler

It's literally referring to how the Valkof was made a part of the castle.

 

Spoiler

lmao, sorry, I know. I had to use that opening provided ;D

 

2 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

You want him to shut up?  Bake him a goddamn loaf of bread!

This is allowed. I think. Back then gender roles were about *gunshot*

 

2 hours ago, Ertrick36 said:

Why do you look so goddamn happy, Welks?

I think he is starting to get the pattern. Squad 7 does every job. Next up: Squad 7 cleans the windows! After that: Squad 7 secures the local fields and farms them! Next: Squad 7 personally dances for the generals. Oh yeah: Squad 7 guards the sheep!
Squad 7, Squad 7, Squad 7... Squad 7. What are the OTHER squads doing??

Edited by MadJak91
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, MadJak91 said:

lmao, sorry, I know. I had to use that opening provided ;D

Put this quote in spoilers, please.

 

I'll respond to the other remarks later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/20/2017 at 5:45 PM, MadJak91 said:
  Reveal hidden contents

lmao, sorry, I know. I had to use that opening provided ;D

 

Ho ho, ha ha.  So you're just trying to make dirty jokes?

You rascal.

For that, I feel like inserting this joke just because:

 

On 10/20/2017 at 5:45 PM, MadJak91 said:

This is allowed. I think. Back then gender roles were about *gunshot*

Did somebody say...

bGcyLLW.png

Gender roles?

Spoiler

Me making these jokes right now:

yp1vq5f.png

 

On 10/20/2017 at 5:45 PM, MadJak91 said:

I think he is starting to get the pattern. Squad 7 does every job. Next up: Squad 7 cleans the windows! After that: Squad 7 secures the local fields and farms them! Next: Squad 7 personally dances for the generals. Oh yeah: Squad 7 guards the sheep!
Squad 7, Squad 7, Squad 7... Squad 7. What are the OTHER squads doing??

Be careful about saying their name three times in a mirror; Isara might appear behind you.

I think the other platoons are nothing more than propaganda to make Isara's forces much more intimidating.  You know, make it seem like there are more soldiers at her back than there actually are.

I mean... do you ever see Faldio accompanied by members of his platoon?  Of course you don't; they don't even exist!

Though honestly, Isara's platoon is already a force to be reckoned with, since it's got the likes of Edy Stardust, Lyndis of the Darcsean Plains, and Jane.

 

Damn, I delayed this for more than a week?  Well, I have an actual explanation this time; I've been having to do a lot of work to get ready for winter.  Taking down a bunch of stuff from the summer time, cramming them into some storage room...

Also, it's damn near Halloween time.  You know how I, a twenty-two year-old man, like to spend such an exciting time of year?

Sitting around at home, avoiding downtown like the plague and feeding my dogs.

Aren't I fun?

Anyway, it'sa Largo time!

Report Segment: Let's Get Violent For Vegetables (Part 2 - Gameplay)

Spoiler

xL5Pq1k.png

Here's an interesting note: the main Edy Detachment DLC mission actually takes place on this map.  I say "main DLC mission" because there's also the Edy Detachment Skirmishes, which are an entirely different thing.

Except in that one, the placements are reversed; where you see that enemy flag is where Edy's squad is, while the enemy is on the other end.

No, we won't do that one yet.  That won't be until quite a bit later because our dear girl Lynn just feels so compelled to spoil a certain plot element in that op.

Anyway, so the idea is that the enemy is literally blocking the road.  We could always try to shoot at them from the road, but the best course of action is to try to get a good vantage point by going up into a little nest that is nestled within the town.

gLv2qZ0.png

Except here's the kicker...

DfQtdKw.png

We can't use the tank!

Actually, this will be the first time since the beginning that Welkin has operated as a foot soldier.

He, uh... isn't particularly useful here.  He's a scout.  Remember that the scouts were nerfed hardcore in this mod; they can no longer be genocidal machines.

And we won't have much room for other units, either...

bcpr8lG.png

One thing I like about VC is that it has varied objectives.

It isn't always just "capture the base camp".  Sometimes one or two units need to make it to a certain location, other times certain enemies need to be defeated...

Sometimes you just need to survive.

It didn't even particularly need to do all of this, either.  Sega was very generous with this game.

So we need to destroy two tanks, so that means that a lancer is basically a given.  Also, we can't just charge down the road; they're standing ready to shoot at anything that comes down it, after all.  We'll need to go through the village instead.

And believe me, it's quite a flank.

xjYxvCf.png

Other gimmicks for ops like this:

  • It's nighttime, so limited visibility; unless you have a scout with the nocturnal potential (which we won't because there's no way I'm taking up a slot with another scout), you won't be able to see as far ahead as normal.  It's sort of like the sandstorm, only it's constant and is at least a bit more detrimental for our forces.
  • No medic; if a unit falls, they immediately retreat.  Actually, for this mission in particular, if any unit dies at all, it's game over.  So basically, no one can die.
  • Because we don't have a tank, we also don't have access to orders; not too big a deal at this point because I haven't been using orders very frequently, and because our CPs will be so limited anyway.  However, it's not a good thing either.

iPqC2nb.png

Conditions.

Not sure why it has to indicate that Welkin dying is a failure condition; "any ally" would include him, wouldn't it?

Anyway, there's no way 20 turns will pass during this mission, so it really comes down to just not dying.

lpjJxrN.png

For this mission, we have no choice but to use Welkin and Largo.  That leaves us with an amazing single slot to fill with some other unit; that unit will be ol' Coby Bryant.

Aside from maybe Freesia York (which we don't nave), there aren't really any ideal shocktroopers to use.  And we need to use a shocktrooper; anyone else won't be able to kill enemies effectively.  If I focused mostly on leveling scouts, it might be possible to just do this with the two predeployed, but I didn't do that because that's stupid and lame.

For all the talking up I've been doing for this mission, it actually isn't really that difficult at all.  In fact, I'll have it done in this part alone.

Let's get started.

Iuz6JxN.png

The bastards!

Those mother fuckers will pay for keeping us from our good health and wellness.

I mean...

kQLALEz.png

There's only so many of these chain memes I can post before I start needing actual produce.

Make sure you updog this post, tho.

q0PfmKg.png

Holy shit!

Did I finally acquire the rare, coveted ANGERY Welkin?

Anyway...

RTTZw52.png

*Cue Trunks shouting "THIS IS A STEALTH MISSION", a la TFS Gaming's playthrough of Dragon Ball Xenoverse*

Don't you just love my obscure references?

Spoiler

I'm referencing the beginning of this video... for reference:

Expect me to reference this at least a few more times.

Also, look at that sensual look on Welkin's face.

ZAvT2pt.png

Spoiler

It's the face he makes when he buries it in Alicia's buns ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Spoiler

And it also looks like this...

hVISJd8.png

As if this LP needed more pointless memes injected into it.

 

KsThwDE.png

Now I just need a picture of Rosie making this face, and my "Done With Your Shit" reaction pic collection will be complete.

YEAH!  LET'S GET VIOLENT FOR VEG-

VooZ117.png

aczlyfj.png

Shut the fuck up, Welkin.

yWNZW83.pngixQngZj.png

Onto the actual gameplay, you'll notice that there are no enemies on our map.

Yes, this is nighttime ops in a nutshell.  You can only really see, like, fifteen feet in front of you.  Even scouts.

Not only that, but Welkin is a scout with absolutely no battle potentials.  He does have personal potentials, but only two of them are unlocked for now.  So he's almost entirely a blank slate unit; thankfully, he has no bad potentials, so at least he won't have any huge hiccups while we use him.

DmzbMMf.png

This is the one time this potential being proc'd even makes a little sense...

and it's in a village.

Welkin, I don't think you even know what nature is.

Regardless of Welkin's brain damage, I'm moving him because... well, we need someone to scout ahead.

gCh8LJF.png

Spotted a dude to the right; not sure what he is, but he probably isn't safe for Welks.

Luckily, I can just have Welkin flank.  How?

The ladder to the left...

EvDUhex.png

It leads to the roof of the building, and there's another ladder on the opposite end leading back down.

R2bid2a.png

So now that I've flanked this idiot...

Welkin still finds himself in a fairly tricky situation.

29CMgH5.png

Luckily, the dude became tired due to his long shift and decided to take a dirt nap.

P0hsoxe.png

Remember: Welks does poses too.

Also, didn't he just tell Largo to be quiet?  Why is he shouting "Yes!" so loudly then?

Bfz1duX.png

You bastard...

i2rlUkU.png

So next I move Coby Bryant, and the first thing he said was, "I'm feeling spicy here!"

Are... are you a memelord?

KTlSP8d.png

You need to cease and desist immediately.

That's my job for this LP.  I was commissioned to do so by the Gunther Public Broadcasting Council, with the blessing of our benevolent Exalt, President, and Mad God Isara.

And I'll be damned if you take that away from me, you scrubby old man!

Rxgji8K.png

And this guy agrees with me!

For those confused as to why Welkin didn't run into this guy, there's a path to the south where you don't run into enemies, and that was the path Welks took.  This is a different path.

jjd4Ul2.png

NVm5s50.png

The one Imp that I don't actually want to kill...

He actually cares about my job security.

All those crackhead politicians in Washington?  A bunch of hack frauds who are only in it for the money they get from special interests.

This guy?  Willing to kill a man in order to ensure I keep my job.

He needs a name.  How about Shane?  I got a friend named Shane.  I'm sure he would kill a man to save my job.

Spoiler

That's a joke, please don't assume my friend would actually go out and kill someone.

XRcc91C.png

nZpZ8rk.png

Thank you for your service to my wellbeing, Shane.  You shall be missed.

 

Interesting note: male shocktroopers actually react and shoot faster than female shocktroopers due to them getting shorter "ready-up" animations.

That being said, a lot of them have shit potentials.  I think that, like, Vyse and Salinas might be the only ones that are worthwhile, though I haven't really tested all of them out.  Of course the cameo character would be valuable.

M8gQzz5.png

"How 'bout dat?" he shouts at the enemy, during a stealth mission.

This really is turning into that silly "stealth mission" quest in Dragon Ball Xenoverse, isn't it?  As in, no one gives a single damn about being stealthy at all.

Also, how 'bout dat pose?  Why does it look... oddly feminine?

I mean, I've never been a fan of prescribing a gender to peoples mannerisms or tastes, but this isn't the kind of pose I'd imagine Sega giving a male character.

If anything, I'd more imagine the poses of female shocktroopers and male shocktroopers being swapped.  But whatever.

giphy.gif

Edy is still fab as fuck with this animation.

Anyway, dude stops just a few yards in front of his current position (basically just before the end of the wall next to him).

TGq9crA.png

And we finally get to use the true star of this mission...

9UWH335.png

"HERE, TAKE IT ALL!"

That's what he says when this potential procs...

As if Welkin and Coby shouting wasn't enough, now we've got a big man with big lungs belting out to a partially wounded old man he's trying to heal.

I'm almost tempted to call Suicide Hotline for them because they all seem so hellbent on getting themselves killed.

5en724U.png

And I move ol' job thief up next to Welkin.

Hopefully he can steal Welkin's job, then croak and die soon after so that the true hero - Isara - can take over and decimate the Imps in the blink of an eye.

Y5Nmozh.png

Also, that's literally the end of our turn, and all the movements I showed were the only movements I made.

This is what it's like to have 4 CPs and three troops to move.  Just like the good ol' days of escaping Bruhl, eh?  Now we just need mustacheman and the Four Scouts of the Apocalypse to make a reappearance.

So about the enemy...

In a nutshell, their turns are pretty much always this screenshot above.  Just running around, doing absolutely nothing.

So because of that, I won't show them except for when something actually happens during them...  Which is basically never.

Cool?

Cool.

qMaO3wW.png

So after that pointless event, I'm moving this bastard up first because I saw a few enemies up ahead moving about.

It's not a particularly good idea to have a scout lead the way in this mod unless they're able to sight enemies farther away than they're able to shoot.

There should be an Imp around the corner...

gRt3CfX.png

Thar he be.

gbXSolo.png

And he dies waving his fanny around.

Stay classy, Imps.

The benefit of not doing gifs for these is that I now get to capture all these beautiful death poses from the enemy soldiers.

And can you believe we're already almost halfway through this?  Though we're by no means Livin' on a Prayer.

ZzY7tjl.pngGWnPre9.png

Also takin' care of this loser.

Notice those spicy Medium Tanks.

Running out there is guaranteed death, so we aren't gonna do that.  Like I said, we're going up onto a little sniper perch.

Lt2faci.pngBIeiYoL.png

I spend my last two CPs moving these jokers.

xZlM1RM.png

And healing this job-stealing asshole.

wusmNof.png

And-

ppj2TQ0.png

iai8dxk.png

Woah WOAH, hang on!

A goddamn GATLING GUN?!

Let's talk about this Gatling Turret, since this is its first appearance in this LP.

They function similarly to the AT Cannons in this mod, except unlike those, that's how they behave even in the vanilla game.  As the name implies, it's a gatling gun (looks to be about .223 caliber maybe) mounted on a bipod.  When you come in range of it, it'll fire in really fast bursts.  It isn't too dangerous for a tank, but it's extremely effective against infantry...

as you probably can see in the screenshots.  Not even a second out in the open, and poor Welks here is already half dead... which I guess would mean he's undead?  What kind of undead creature do you think most suits Welks?

Anyway, our turn ends, and...

jHbgTcZ.png

More of this nonsense happens.

3c3mPaE.png

And then it's our turn yet again.

You'd think that gatling gun could shoot through that stupid box I had Welkin hide behind, but I guess not.

Anyway, this turn will be spent dealing with the-

3gWoGLt.pngAr9FXog.png

gatling... turret...

I love how this thing just explodes.  I wasn't even aiming at the gun; I had Coby shoot the guy behind the turret.

I guess Maximilian has all his turret men inject methane into their blood streams or something.  Like how the Cobra members in Metal Gear Solid 3 are packed with mini-bombs so that when they're in a vulnerable state, they'll just fuckin' explode.

Don't you love ridiculous nonsense like that?

 

Anyway, that seriously only took one CP.  Granted, Coby's now on the verge of death... again.  Jeez, I'm absolutely punishing this old man...

Spoiler

giphy.gif

That's what you get for trying to show me up as top kek :Kappa:

GP9VdYK.png

Moving the other two...

JPKw4OR.pngQcV6uiG.png

For chain heals ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

n4LIhaX.png

And to run Welks out into the open.

F1wiSyR.png

Are you lovin' nature yet, guys?

UsY8L2N.png

Take cover, man.

wThs8HB.png

Unlike some of my stupid maneuvers, this one actually served a good purpose.

I wanted to see who was running around there.  For some reason, there's an enemy lancer?

zwNv12h.png

Why the fuck is there a lancer patrolling this stretch?

It's a genuine question.  No tank is capable reaching that area, and the road is already patrolled by a couple of their tanks.  The only purpose these units serve is to keep infantry away from that perch.  A scout and shocktrooper pair would be much more efficient to that end.  Yes, lancers have firepower, but remember that they can't do interception fire, so...

MNnO11w.png

Logic.

Anyway... I think I'll end my turn to give my units more CPs.

t2wk1vG.png

Uh...

VvquIyR.png

7aEUIER.png

HEY ASSHOLE, WOULD YOU MIND DODGING THAT GODDAMN LANCER SHELL?!

JXBrb2Z.png

frw3SES.png

...

xQfzi0c.png

It's times like these that make me glad I'm a save-scumming SoB.

LwUy8TW.png

This time, we're using that last CP to kill this idiot.

VYjR2AC.png

YOU ANIMAAAALLLLLS!

That's what he screamed, not me.

I think if you performed a CAT scan on these guys, you'd find the frontal lobe of their brains contain very little activity.

Spoiler

What I'm trying to say is... they're fucking stupid.

VMgd0Po.png

I'll have him hide with Welks.

Hopefully that lancer is as deaf and dumb as the rest of the Imps patrolling this area.

ZQO2egk.png

Turns out he is ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

4AxoRuW.png

Alright, let's finish the mission, just like Beruka from FE Fates would've wanted ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

DxlPxJt.png

...

This is very tempting.

SMLtxDf.png

But instead, I'm gonna use Coby like a responsible commander would.

AQBNJOR.png

You damn Imps and your ragdolling...

Don't make me bust out the Celine Dion again.

sJFHtEu.png

Another male shocktrooper victory pose.

I'd say this might be feminine, but...

giphy.gif

The ladies do this, and Rosie blows kisses, so...

 

This talk of femininity is already getting old and contrived.  Let's blow up some goddamn tanks already!

R3qKWen.png

There they be!

aJSxOVI.png

BOOM!

0BHmN8I.png

BOOM!

5EvXEoY.png

BOOM!

BOOM!

 

N3yHmPA.png

And there they go.

That almost turned into a System of a Down song.

OmXXaYJ.png

And the mission is done!

DmLZTl6.png

Yes, Welks, they've been destroyed.

eYdTAPp.png

And in literally 69 gameplay screenshots, we've finished the mission ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

I hoped I'd get an A, but I mean...

Given my luck, I should be thankful I even got a ?.

 

So that was it; Largo's passion.  Tune in for the finale, where we actually learn why Largo is so veggie obsessed, and we unlock the ultimate potential for Largo.  Even though I actually don't because of the mod, but let's pretend I do unlock it for the sake of the LP.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So yesterday was Halloween...

Nothing too spooky happened aside from some dreaded chores (including picking up a bunch of leafy boys from my flower beds and backyard), but when trick-or-treating was going on I was visited by a kid in a really cool Link costume.  So I got to see a nice costume, at least.

Anyway, let's finish Largo's Big Adventure, shall we?  Heck, I'll even throw in the first part of the next chapter to spice things up.

Report Segment: Largo Is the Grandpa From Stardew Valley (Part 3 - Closing)

Spoiler

Where we last left off, a bunch of screaming idiots - led by the biggest screaming idiot Largo - charged through a village, murdered a bunch of deaf, mentally handicapped Imperial guardsmen, and blew up two fat ones.

QG5DNvL.png

All in the name of VEGE-TA-BLES!

kmjTK9r.png

And immediately, we're cuttin' right into some exposition pie.

I guess Largo is the grandpa in Stardew Valley who gives you the deed to his farm?  Or he's the father of the grandpa.  This means that his descendant will wind up having to fight slime monsters and Wal-Mart, basically.

trcK4uZ.png

XvO8VJW.png

Okay, you level 17 Farmboy, I get it; you're a real workin' man.

qQahejT.png

From my experience...

Wheat is actually king.

At least if I also follow my Gramps's advice, which is that "Cash is king".

Except then wouldn't that make wheat "queen" instead?

These idioms are getting confusing...

BYmD5rl.png

True...

At least until about 50 years later, when they start making nutrient supplements...

I think.

Also, I'm glad Welkin is finally being agreeable with Largo.

JtJ1xz3.png

dVe6khF.jpg

I'm sorry, but I can't help but inject prequel memes into this.

5FjfKNR.pnggzL1Epd.png

Oh, more stuff that Isara taught you, Welks?

Ss3HkZE.png

Or it's as close as you can get to the source without burning your mouth, going to space, or being a plant yourself, anyway.

AUWl1Zg.png

It's good to see Largo so happy and amused.

E2kzbrV.png

Now Welks has got the official Largo seal of approval.

Finally, Welkin earns the admiration of someone who doesn't think of him as a pet.

IpKSsPb.png

Spoiler

kA1dt62.png

"Seriously, my sister treats me like a dog.  She even throws biscuits at me sometimes...

...

I'm in need of validation.  I'm a good Lieutenant, right Largo?  Right???"

lEW4wyy.png

...  Is this gonna turn into "Of Mice and Men"?

Next thing you know, he's gonna tell Welkin to close his eyes, then he'll pull out a gun and...

Uh, anyway.

kpzEFzu.png

They should've made a bunch of quality sprinklers and farmed for wheat instead.

Aren't veggies already organic, though?

What, is the fear of synthetic foods and GMO's already prevalent in this game?  Are they afraid that companies have been spraying pesticides onto the crops for the food they consume?

8IyCWhw.png

You don't fling bullets, you fling rocket propelled grenades.

I think if anything, being a big macho man just makes you better able to handle the hard labor that comes with farming.

Also, he mentioned carrots.  "Carrot" rhymes with "Varrot".

Largo x Varrot confirmed.

z5uyc84.png

Yeah, maybe he'll even grow some gold star or rare purple star cabbages.

onM5T9V.png

"Otherwise, you'll have to buy that shit.  I ain't lettin' you leech off of all my hard work, after all."

vq5YJ4s.png

Valkyria Chronicles 4: The Largo Tales

Instead of fighting imps, you have to fight moles and crows.

Instead of driving a tank, you drive a combine harvester.

And instead of Welkin being the protagonist, it's Largo.

Make this a thing, Sega.

LRKl2pc.pngnKSQZ4U.png

Imagine if you could get a game over after you beat a mission.

KZTtuXD.png

kYnP9tw.png

Except for layabout losers who don't wanna pay.  Fuck 'em!

And that was the end of Largo's Passion.

Usually when you complete this, you unlock Largo's hidden potential Veggie-Maniac... which goes a little something like this:

It procs whenever he steps on solid earth, and it boosts all his stats.

It's a pretty good potential.  Probably the best only because of the chant and animation.

This is one of my favorite reports in the game.  Another one of them, which is Rosie's, shows up quite a bit later down the line.  Though while the story content of that one is pretty good, I really just like the challenge behind it.

Chapter 7-1: We Have Pistols??? (Intro)

Spoiler

ynvIuTX.png

So this chapter has a pretty critical story element within it.  That means that unlike the last chapter, this one will actually be meaningful.

It'll also be quite a doozy, but it's so much funner.  We won't have to trek across a big ass desert this time.

vRSeCsj.png

So we find our heroes entering the same place that the antagonists did.

Except not really, because there isn't a big ass spire anywhere to be seen.

Must be the entrance.

By the way, the echo effect in this place is so intense, you would barely be able to make out what they say if the text wasn't right there.

1dD5Da2.png

You know who wasn't surprised when they first saw this place?

KHnPavp.png

This gal.

qMot6tl.png

That's because the Valkyrur glow in the dark, and their corpses line the walls of this building...

P2TVIQY.png

Actually, they just wasted precious resources to make cool decorations.

We haven't even come upon any of the big plot twists, and I'm already starting to hate these ladies.  Aside from titty officer, obviously.

czHUAuf.png

Shit, it's Ms. Ellet!

Everybody RUN!!!

...

 

Actually, he's referring to those big ass characters on the wall behind his portrait.  And allow me to point out that in this shot Welkin is facing the complete opposite way of where that wall he's talking about is.

Does he have a third eye on the back of his head or something?

zEi0USD.png

Ah yes, ye Old Northern script.

Basically just whatever the hell language/writing the Valkyrur used.  Actually, Europa in general used it before transferring to the more "civilized" English language.

To me, "Old Northern" just looks like magical runes or some shit.

Conveniently, Faldio knows how to read it.

qx3QVtH.png

Why does it look like Faldio's about to drop a new single that's going to be absolute fire?

Seriously, I think he's looking to be the next hit indie band of the century.

5O8KVkS.png

Which history books?  Northern or Southern?  Because some of them censor shit...

U541HAq.png

Wl24Pxk.png

Okay, that was ONE TIME.

It isn't even like the Darcsens need to use ragnite in the first place.  After all...

giphy.gif

They are basically immortal.  They can do whatever the fuck they want.

uztknoI.png

... okay???

Where's the stuff about the Darcsens making ragnite nukes and them trying to conquer the world?

Are you just paraphrasing, Faldio?

il1LELk.png

Well, Rosie's right about one thing...

The Calamity did happen here.

jcsoKdy.png

Rosie: 1

Darcsens/Advocates: 2

WAEO7Im.png

You...  I...  Are you...

QdjCJf6.png

Yes, Alicia, they used ragnite.  Faldio literally just said that.

Then Faldio gives the usual shpeal about Valkyrur history.  Blah blah blah, the Valkyria suddenly show up with lances to kill the Darcsens, blah blah blah, the Darcsens were overwhelmed...

j1qTBpJ.png

This just in: Alicia is an edgy atheist who doesn't believe in the common mythos.

bGcyLLW.png

Welcome to the club, m'lady.

Spoiler

I have nothing against atheism...

But I have everything against Reddit atheists.

1qr6HBP.pnglsZBKSZ.png

Uh... anthropological community?

Also, contrast what Faldio says to this:

Wf1jVjI.png

Seems like the science community might be conflicted.

That being said, Isara never says that the Valkyrur never existed; just that there's no proof that the Darcsens caused the Calamity.

Could it be that it was all just a big misunderstanding?

uQnlReK.png

..................

Em2zDkJ.png

OF COURSE, Welkin doesn't ponder what any of this means at all and just rolls with the story that Isara's ancestors tried to nuke the world but were stopped by glowing magical boob ladies with giant lances.

UTUQVjs.png

More exposition I'm not showing.

Basically, everyone's a shithead who assumes that the ancestors of the Darcsens doing evil things means that modern Darcsens are still inclined to do evil things, and because of this they were stripped of their surnames and forced to work in mines and shit.

On a side note, did you know that the British own slaves, maintain sovereignty over a third of the world, and are largely xenophobic?

Oh wait that's right, none of that is true today.  Well, maybe the last one, but I mean...  You get the idea.

The people in this game are stupid racists, basically.

WNa83wu.png

No, Alicia, he wasn't an engineer...

He was a BRILLIANT scientist!

 

 

And also the father of the greatest human bean ever to live.

0r9E0uf.png

I love this incredibly subtle dodge Faldio just did.

It just screams "This conversation is totally making me uncomfortable right now".

"Heh heh, yeah that's enough about the Darcsens.  How about those Imps, though?"

 

We then cut to bone-us scene.  Basically it's what's going on outside of the clam fortress.

GqGE1TL.png

I mean...

It's a desert.  What else are you expecting to find?  An oasis?

EbfV8B0.png

Wl24Pxk.png

*Condescending stare*

KJenaQo.png

Uh...

FMg47oF.png

Excuse me, Largo???

As far as I know, Rosie only ate watermelons, so...

Why would she have the runs in the first place?  Did she take some intense laxatives?

Also, why would her having the runs make her silent?

FzLChKV.png

Aren't we all, Rosie?

I get annoyed by everything.  Politics, economics, people's long-winded Facebook posts, walking around outside...

I feel you, Rosie.  I really-

WpZ5Vqw.pngF5F8CA7.png

Nevermind, I don't feel for you at all.

I wouldn't say it's "brass" so much as it is explosives, for one.  Well, I guess brass could have had a part in it as well, but if all that's left is just a few walls here and there...

And secondly, you really gonna go on this tirade again?

Also, my "Done With Your Shit" collection is complete.

txMEhii.png

08CYJ4W.png

With Welkin not around to keep things in check, Rosie might turn into a blood splatter on the desert sands.

jggoVZy.png

Why you pulling that rhetorical question, passive-aggressive BS, Rose?

cJgLhzt.png

Though if you ask the anthropological community...

TN4DUyd.png

I dunno...  A Darcsen skeleton with schematics for a ragnite nuke?  Historical documents and texts that aren't super vague?  Literally anything besides just a desert ruin and some stupid history textbooks?

1FUOTDS.png

That A N G E R

Though Is... as much as I love ya in a totally platonic way, that isn't a particularly strong argument against someone who thinks the way Rosie does.

6YDlAwm.png

Man, so much A N G E R

Though pay attention to that wording.

Something personal happened to her in relation to the Darcsens that caused her to end up hating them.  Something that might be similar to what happened to another fictional racist some of you might know of.

JXj6Zuc.png

Of course, before Rosie actually gets to say anything about it, Largo buts in.

He really is the Dad of the platoon, isn't he?

i51p4Uc.png

How about no?

Largo's the voice of reason... usually.

Let him talk.

0r52O3e.png

Exactly.

You'll just wind up dead for yappin' like an idiot.

4eRgYsl.png

Rosie bows out of this.

Rosie: 1

Darcsens/Advocates: 3

q7VAURn.png

I rescind that scoring.

Rosie: 1

Darcsens/Advocates: 2

Apparently Largo's just gonna be the moderate between racism and... not racism.

Again, just like that one example I gave of the Nazi screaming at an old Jewish man.  Because people who are persecuted need to learn a thing or two as well, right?

yh2Guur.png

And racists wouldn't be mad if we had only kept the Jim Crow laws and had the races separated by law.

Sorry Largo, but this is just fucking stupid.

IA8gnu8.png

The only thing you've ever said that's been untrue is that Welkin gives a shit about you and is loyal.

That being said, you ought to brush up on your persuasion skills.  Or maybe ask for the assistance of Nadine or Wavy?  Not only are they older, but one of them is even well-versed in the art of appealing to people, and the other has grenades.  Or hell, just bring Karl Landzaat in on this.  He married a Darcsen.

 M0XLycA.png

You know this is just setting everything up for Isara and Rosie to become friends...

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Isara was meant more for Rosie than Welkin, 'cuz she has several more interactions with the former than the latter.

After this bit...

sGa245z.png

Alicia opens durr.

Not Welkin.  Not Faldio.

Alicia.  The baker.  The scout.  The lady who, up until now, didn't really have much of a role aside from potential love interest for Welks.  Well, and Welkin's savior in the beginning, but that's different.

jotpdHa.png

I don't think we've ever seen this particular bubble icon appear before...

He only looks mildly surprised, though.

JqWPVMP.png

So she poked, and it obliged?

Consider this: the only other people beyond that door are Selvaria and Maximilian.

kVsR3Yk.png

Also consider the reaction of a man who has studied this stuff for a long while.

8u3BQqi.png

Yes, I'm... I'm sure it is, Faldio.

Except it isn't 'cuz the Imperial government and probably some other governments already know about it.

8l71KBz.png

Welkin doesn't take the time to ponder anything, does he?

I guess when you're close to Isara, you don't need to think.

So yeah, we'll go further into this ruin that contains the main villains.

Doctor Pepper: now the official sponsor of Valkyria Chronicles.

Spoiler

I think I'm legally obligated to tell you that's a joke, even though it's painfully obvious.

So...

CYlvkvI.png

Our heroes enter.

Alicia continues acting oblivious.

s464dps.png

Faldio then discovers the brilliant human-encasing technology known as walls.

Actually, it's some texts.  Jeez, they sure loved writing on walls.  They would've loved Ms. Ellet's publications.

xBq1H3S.png

Though Faldio can't pass the archaeology check, so he's unable to uncover the lore they hide.

fTj6KAV.png

Then Alicia veers off...

77rl2yn.png

Because her Power Scout potential activated.  She doesn't ever get that potential.

Though I've been giving Alicia a lot of crap lately, props to her for at least discovering the enemy...

You know, the whole point of the goddamn mission?

c4zqb0F.png

Look at this bastard and his cape.

Ebl2dUp.png

Cheeky bastard.

Actually...  I think that's true in general.  The Drei Stern actually don't seem to be visited by anyone.  I mean yeah, they command troops on the field, but on-base, they're almost always among themselves.  Selvaria's the only one who seems to get any company outside of the other members of the Drei Stern, and... well, you'll get to see that all later.

cv7au5x.png

I mean...

Welkin didn't bother asking either.

Well he did, but... he didn't really ask.

rSnDUxk.png

No, I'd say it's very important.  Especially since you would know better than anyone how people are able to get in here in the first place.

RFJ1q4M.png

Faldio points out the obvious...

bKn4ZNd.png

Welkin... does nothing.

And Alicia connects the dots...

lHQJza6.png

And pulls a handgun!

What???

Why am I not able to use handguns in this game?

wfofV0I.png

And it's a straight up Makarov!

No bones about it.  That is a Russian handgun with some fancy paint job to make it look like something else.

So anyway, why not just shoot them down now?  They're actually the main enemy.  Your job is literally to stop them.

p9V05ap.png

The albino glows in the dark yet again.

This time, pointing that weird lance at Alicia.

Rude.

hXAJFFK.png

You first, boy.

Er, I mean...

You know.

yPjYo5s.png

And your life is worthless not only to the Empire, but to Isara as well.

NZdsxx2.png

No items, Final Destination, Fox on-

Ahem...  So this is basically what's going down this chapter; we're gonna have to fight Maximilian and Selvaria just outside this ruin.

And when I say "we", I'm not just talking about the 7th Platoon.  I mean all the rest of the Gallian Army that's here as well.  Because we obviously can't let this guy get away.

wCCSBCc.png

Also...

He knew all along.

Not only about the Kloden Wildwoods, but the Vasel Bridge victory as well.

Fuck, this guy's got a personal vendetta against us.  I almost feel flattered.

mOXzbUy.png

Maximilian removes the battery from his glow-in-the-dark death machine and leaves.

hTACyRC.png

And Alicia points out the obvious while Welkin stands there looking dopey as usual.

Then the mission starts.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it's snowing in the valley I live in...

I used to find the snow so fun.  But after all my teen years of having to shovel it off my parents' driveway and my continuing adulthood of... continuing to shovel snow off the driveway and having to drive in it, I've grown about as bitter towards the winter as Ebenezer Scrooge is of Christmas.  It's still really pretty in December, though.

 

Anyway, this next chapter is gonna be quite the endeavor.  But unlike the last one, it won't be an exercise in tedium.

Chapter 7-2: When a Prince Has Self-Esteem Issues (Gameplay)

Spoiler

i7lHMsy.png

So different, more stressful music is playing than usual, and Varrot sounds slightly exasperated...

You can tell things are getting intense.

qbnrQw0.png12vbGwK.png

So remember how I joked about Maximilian compensating with a bunch of big ass weapons and tanks?

I wasn't joking...  This tank is probably at least three times the size of our own tank.  That comes with its own advantages and disadvantages that I'll explain as we come upon them.  It is known as the Batomys.

lf8piB4.png

First of all, this isn't quite correct.  It has six machine guns; two on the left, two on the right, one on the front, and one on the back.  So in that regard, it's defended on all sides.

The machine guns effectively operate just like the gatling turrets, only you can't destroy them with regular firearms.  That's right, you either need AT lances or the tank's cannon in order to destroy them, and the former tends to be more effective than the latter due to CP usage.  The first thing we should do is destroy them, not only because that will enable us to use our infantry, but also because we actually need to have our infantry board the tank.  More on that later.

ni1EU4s.png

Another thing we need to concern ourselves with is the cannons.

I don't remember how it was in the vanilla game, but with this mod on, the front cannon will destroy the Edelweiss no matter how much health and defense it has at the time (it's impossible to upgrade beyond a certain point until you progress further in the story).  Their ranges extend to about twice the tank's own length both ways, but the back cannon can fire at a full 180 degrees, while the front only has about 45 degrees of range.  The Edelweiss isn't the only thing it'll shoot at; it also shoots at infantry (I think) and any debris that might impede it.

Our main objective with the Edelweiss should be to keep it out of range of the cannons and occasionally help destroy the machine guns.

DCvtPwa.png

Conditions.

This is a race against time/tank defense mission disguised as a base defense/defeat the boss mission.  And lemme tell you why early on.

You see, there are certain walls we need to shoot down for... reasons.  We need to shoot them down before the tank reaches them, and then we need our infantry to board the tank to do certain things that will lead to the destruction of this thing.  There are also a number of threats to the Edelweiss that we need to be aware of:

  • The Batomys is obviously a concern.
  • Accompanied by the Batomys and later some reinforcements are lancers who will take aim at the tank as soon as they can.
  • Something else happens that, rest assured, will pose a huge threat to the Edelweiss.

There's no real base defense because the enemy infantry never tries to pursue our camps, and the Batomys more or less has a fixed route.  And by the time we get to actually destroying the thing, you could hardly even call it a boss battle anymore.  I guess you could call this whole mission a boss battle...

So yeah, there's the mission.

Lots of people had difficulties starting out with this mission.  There's a lot of factors that come into play to try to screw you over as best they can, most of them revolving around the death/destruction of your units and tank.  It's a mission you can never take lightly.  And this mod amps up the difficulty even further.

That being said, it isn't impossible.  You just need to know what you're doing.

4rEzm8T.png

Once again, our platoon will be split in two..

For the southern flank, I've deployed:

  • Catherine
  • Lynn
  • Elysse
  • Dallas
  • Jane

And for the northern flank, I've deployed:

  • Homer
  • Salinas
  • Jann

A few things to note about these deployments:

  • I plan to have Lynn and/or Jane run up a slope-side trench just behind Elysse and Dallas to shoot at some enemies running along the ridge to the northeast.  That is where all the enemy infantry are located.
  • Catherine, equipped with the enemy sniper rifle, will shoot across to the northern flank so that she can assist Lynn's efforts from afar with some helpful interception fire.
  • I need at least one lancer on each side so that I can simultaneously hammer the Batomys' machine guns on both sides.  I would've preferred having another lancer to deal with the walls, but I'll need to make due with what I've got because there are literally no other lancers on my team besides Largo, and I made a vow not to use him.
  • Salinas needs to protect the Edelweiss, though he'll also need to assist with the Batomys destruction efforts when the time comes.

How well do you think this all will pan out?  At least half of my plans wind up being totally canned for one reason or another.

OggQXJZ.png

If the tank is your target, then why are you not facing towards it?

Txy4Spy.png

I...

Can't really retreat.

7TU0b2j.png

This guy's such an ass.

YRfVktw.png

Note: Selvaria actually will come to support the Batomys eventually.

Also note: there actually are more Gallian Militia forces than I gave credit for.  I still think Faldio's "platoon" is propaganda.

7ZlBJ4j.png

Yeah whatever, Tito McTiny-Dick-Man.

zYDZ8Zo.png

Oh no, he's coming for the defense objective!

Also, why isn't he actually inside the tank like Isara usually is?  I mean, I know Welkin doesn't appear inside the tank either, but he has a hatch that he can pop out from; I wouldn't imagine Maximilian would pop out of a hatch even if he could.

E7uAWy4.png

Don't be too impressed, Alicia; it's hiding a whole lot of insecurity and low self-esteem.

wdNBU3E.png

Though at least ol' Maximilian knows to use protection :Kappa:

Hq20AhN.png

Okay, now this is just getting into weird, rapey territory.

LWrCdeA.png

I don't think this remark helps.

LtqyJVQ.png

So this is what the situation looks like.  Count the CPs if you wish, though know that some movements won't be shown.

I think this is as many enemies as there actually are.  As in, I don't think there are any enemies hidden from our sight.  If there are, they're up on that ridge to the east with the rest of the Imps.

Notice that there's a sniper right below Welkin's portrait.  He's... not too significant.  At least, not compared to all the other threats facing us.

do26TxG.png

Get ready to die, Imps.

Even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, Jane's still as determined as ever to KILL THE SHIT OUT OF IMPS.

This is a lady you do not fuck with.

Ko47TN8.png

This is that slope-side trench I was talking about.

I aim to put her at the top of that thing so that she can fend off the Imps that will be coming down this way from the ridge.

mO5E54p.png

I try to have her take aim with Wavy's grenades, but...

dgi6NDu.png

The stinkin' wall is in the way.

Though notice how the wall not only has health, but turns the aiming arc orange.

That's because they can be shot down.  For what reason?  You'll find out soon enough.

wxeJFRZ.png

Taking out the sniper first.  You know why.

wA385QX.png

13MY3Re.png

Death comes for everyone~

JzGNTCV.png

Then I'll have her sit nice n' tight, waiting for these bastards to get themselves impaled on the same lance, so to speak.

Thank you, based Grey, for your treasured memes.

eQx2ftR.pngoM1hzNh.png

Also moving Lynn up here because she honestly isn't much good down there with the rest of the troops.

U4ZXcyk.png

Next I plan to move Catherine to a better spot (this camp is a terrible place for anyone to be, as its right along the path of the Batomys), but not before taking a potshot or two at the enemy.

KXZQTSn.png

Oh... oh my...

This accuracy is fucking awful.  That's lancer accuracy.

This is the main problem with this PoS sniper rifle.

BPIdjMy.png

Surprisingly, she manages to hit the lancer.

fAZeUBh.png

Keep up the good work, Ms. O'Hara.

OegqUKI.png

...

In hindsight, this is a shitty location for an infantry unit to be.

Though it isn't like she needs to worry about snipers, so whatever.

7XqsXmD.png

Next, gonna move ol' Welks and Is away to a safer place...

j10q69F.pngvYwSxBu.png

But not before taking a potshot at that goddamn frontal machine gun.

GSUSUWR.png

Now... to... turn...

Urk...

u9iBiNL.png

Rrrgh...

Rrrrrr...

OqghcmW.png

There!

This thing is extremely cumbersome to turn, and PC controls just make it worse.

I did this so that the bastards wouldn't shoot at the tank's radiator.  Also hoping that it's outside of the Batomys' cannon's range.

yw6mEp7.pngMgypT3R.png

Jann also takes a shot at the gun and destroys it.

fM7cBqw.png

This is what the northern forces look like, btw.  Everyone's in a trench now; the three north-most units and the three south-most units start off crouched down in trenches.

9PgRDli.png

Orders to be given once more...

giphy.gif

THIS IS AN ORDER!

2pgbaMj.png

"Lace your bullets with sulfuric acid and MURDER."

Trust me, the bullets are acid-proof.

And I'm doing this so that Catherine and the shocktrooper duo can do more damage against the incoming enemies.

tBAptmg.png

Speaking of...

rkzbAto.png

So they start out with one less CP than we do.

By the end of this, they'll be constantly maxing out the amount of CPs they can get.

The first move they make is-

giphy.gif

Uh...

Maximilian's issuing orders.

Heed my words and know victory...

8UlpvZ3.png

Loose your fire, men!  Annihilate Our enemies!

I checked the wiki; "our" actually is capitalized.

He activated the same order we did!

 

He does this every turn, without fail.  Even when no infantry remains and all of his turrets are destroyed, he'll still issue this order as if it'll have any real impact on the situation.  Those cannons always kill infantry in one shot, and this order doesn't boost anti-tank parameters.

VxuOOio.png

So there it is... the Batomys.  Rolling out oh so slowly.

The speed this thing goes makes having to redo this chapter all the more painful.

iZfPEYY.png

It stops around here and...

doesn't do anything?

xSCa4RL.png

Next comes all the infantry troops.  Watch as they fall one by one, thanks to Isara's acid-bullets.

q3LpCcT.pngVoNAiim.png

This is pretty much what happens; they approach, Jane and Lynn shower them with boolets, and they die.

GKMtoTE.png

It happens to this guy...

D51t4tA.png

and this guy...

and-

1Lgx8xC.png

3omgPDO.png

Ow!

How rude!

And it happens to-

Ws4JOsG.png

dgi6NDu.png

*ANGERY breathing*

JNmZ1aM.png

PEudit1.png

FUCK

OFF!

You can't seriously be telling me that the bastard actually hit Jane.

What the hell is this game even right now?!

Well, the good news is that Jane survived the shot...

the bad news is that the lancer is also still alive.

bWdFbOC.png

Also, that was the end of the enemy turn.

zzax8qM.png

The tables have turned on you, you lancing piece of shit!

 

Tune in next time for more Imp stomping and Maximilian waving his insecurity around for all to see.

 

Edited by Ertrick36
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Deck the halls with Christmas decorations that are too early, 'tis the season for big companies to screw over their employees...

falalalala?

Screw Black Friday; Cyber Monday is so much better.  With Cyber Monday, I don't have to worry about being trampled by a soccer mom looking to get 20% off three Playstations for her shitty little kids who won't even say "thank you".

Soon will also come a time where everyone will catch a break.  Which means more LPs for everyone.  So get your sensual VC reaction pics while they last, ladies and gents.

zCxCSeT.png

STwdBey.png

 

 

 

And unfortunately, I looked back on previous parts of the LP and discovered that the "This is an order!" gifs got all fucked.

koHL4XO.png

EDIT: The good news is that as of November 9th of this year, Theimer Studios Inc. has repaired the gifs by making the black about .5% lighter, amongst other minor edits to them ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

 

Anyway, time to continue this mess of a chapter... which actually kinda isn't a mess so far because my units can tank lancer shells like the crazy bastards they are.

Chapter 7-3: The Gallian Crime Syndicate (Gameplay)

Spoiler

That being said, there's still, like, 45 minutes of footage to cover for this chapter.

bWdFbOC.png

Where we last left off:

  • Jane's still the most terrifying member of our platoon aside from Isara
  • Catherine somehow can hit with that piece of shit she calls a rifle
  • Welks moved...
  • Lynn was an assistant murderer to Jane
  • Maximilian can't get it up without certain "enhancement" drugs
  • Jann was kill
  • Homer got distracted telling Salinas about the exhaust ports on the Batomys when he suddenly got shot
  • All sniper bitches have been eliminated ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

Now that we got that little biznez out of the way, maybe we can jump up in the air like Mayro and Isara can coordinate a secret alliance with Mayor Pauline against Princess Peach.

Spoiler

Oh wait, that plan was classified information.

Ex98LJ5.png

So here's the idea; right now, all we have to deal with are the turrets, the tank itself, and a lancer.

I could use the shocktroopers to kill the lancer right now, but they'd have to deal with the shocktroopers, so...

q1tJUF8.png

Cheese will be deployed instead ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

giphy.gif

This is an O R D E R!

XgPsP3i.png

"Time for another lethal dose of BULLET."

OamiV6d.png

klMQIew.png

This pleases the Isara.

Spoiler

Holy shit, you almost can't even tell what's in this picture anymore.

Anyway, now that Catherine the teleporting sniper has dealt with this dick, we can shift our focus to the tank's turrets.

I2RB7RU.png

Also boosting attack... for some reason???

Ahem...

aBKxqBP.png

koHL4XO.png

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit, Welkin?

IT'S A FUCKING DESERT!

Not only that, but it isn't even a natural desert.  There's nothing natural about this at all!  At this point, you're deliberately being stupid.

U3jTI2e.pngexEzwPs.png

So we use our naturally occurring tank to shoot the naturally occurring turrets of the naturally occurring giga tank with our naturally occurring tank shells...

w0KcU2H.png

... and then we park our naturally occurring ass in this natural defensive position.  Spoiler alert, it's a shitty position.

YOU LOVIN' NATURE YET, BOYS?!

WwPjmEO.png

We next bring our dearest slumberer Elysse to the fray.

u9AyJUW.png

Notice Texas to the right shooting at the turret.

zG8D8k2.png

Mother fu- you seriously gonna waste those...

I mean, why you...

Eeeehhhhh...

.....

uU9looB.png

This game is breaking me.

Spoiler

Oh yeah that's right, Texas's brains are scrambled from Susie the Moron shooting her in the back of the head.

I7jDyeb.png

Also, this procs.

I... guess this will be useful.  I'm gonna need her to take out the turrets on this side.

NvvUj1s.png

In Elysse's own words...

"Let's do that again..."

I7jDyeb.png

I mean... I didn't mean for the exact same things to happen again, but I won't complain about this being proc'd a second time.

KM41FF1.png

And yet again...

I only have one CP now...

But I needed to destroy this thing because I don't want the turrets to attack all my units here.

E7KnhHE.png

Also gonna have Lynn help out her partner here...

...

her platonic partner.  She's already dating Karl.

Though while we are bastardizing this game's story, I guess I might as well establish this: Lynn and Jane are partners in crime.  Lynn's been in the Fouzen crime syndicate since she was eight years old (doing "odd jobs" at first, then a full-fledged member at 16), and Jane was a drug runner since she was twelve (the flower business was a front, and the big reason she hates Imps is actually because they crack down hard on crime).  And it just so happens that Isara has deep connections to this crime syndicate, which is why she would employ these two in particular to extort money out of someone like Ms. Ellet.

Do y'all like this L O R E ?

Good...

3zkU5pB.png

Because it's the enemy's turn now.

And I was wrong earlier; Maximilian won't issue an order every turn; only when there are infantry troops, but after a certain point, that effectively becomes every turn.

PUXyaEP.png

Watch out; big boy, comin' through!

geGcApz.png

Even fucking Catherine is taking potshots at this bastard.

I don't understand why allies shoot at enemies they can't damage.

wnVpsA4.pngs3CJCIz.png

Oh yeah, that's right.

He doesn't capture the camps.  He just straight up runs over them and destroys them.

That actually is a significant difference because we won't be able to get them back.  It's one less place to deploy troops, and one less place we can use to pull out our troops.

This is a map where you effectively have to grind your heels in the dirt and brace for enemy attacks.

tr9sioP.png

More ANGERY Welks.

oC9T8Ce.png

Wait, wait... Varrot is not only in the desert, but is also on the field of battle somewhere?

Damn, why can't all Captains be like her?

Well anyway...

WxsFN54.png

She's basically signalling that we should now start shooting down the ruined walls.

Though a couple things to note; we shouldn't shoot at walls already down because that will straight up destroy the walls, and we can only take down walls with lancer shells or tank shells.

8QYcVIh.png

"Some woman" can only refer to either Isara or Selvaria... and Isara is with us, so...

Or maybe Alicia or Rosie decided to start a fireworks show, and it went horribly wrong?

GsSU13s.png

Okay, it's Selvaria.

3ViHGpy.png

And then out of nowhere, the fucker damn near destroys the Edelweiss!

wTDBZZ9.png

It's honestly kind of incredible the Edelweiss is still standing...

nyMyQUV.png

Uh... hi?

lEzr4hx.png6s9OVwJ.png

fucc

Well... at least I won't need a sniper anymore.

1Kwm3It.png

koHL4XO.png

You goddamn dick clam!

Stop killing my doods!

HvlmnnQ.png

O-oh... uh... well then.  I didn't honestly expect them to listen to and heed a request of mine.

WB2ffNm.png

Imp stupidity scores me another victory ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

Tune in next time for... probably more Imp stupidity.

 

Edited by Ertrick36
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let's continue the fight against Maximilian, broken gifs, and Welkin's dumb faces.

Chapter 7-4: A Wasted Education Slightly Redeemed (Gameplay)

Spoiler

HvlmnnQ.png

Where we last left off:

  • Isara's brilliant engineering on the Edelweiss saved the day yet again
  • Catherine ded xp
  • Elysse has an unlimited supply of lancer shells for some reason (probably has Frederick supply her)
  • Texas's brain damage has still not healed
  • Lynn and Jane were selling opioids to Imp soldiers while no one was looking
  • Captain Varrot is an absolute madwoman
  • Selvaria likes to light off M80's, but doesn't have a pyrotechnics license
  • The boys up north continue cracking open cold ones and generally not being useful

Let's continue this game of "watching and waiting".

vAx4sOO.png

8LADP3k.png

.....

Should I even bother being so angry about this potential being proc'd at stupid times?

Lcla9Sn.png

Anyway, so I schüt turret...

w6p67XN.png

And then I back tank into little crevice.

uIivQPu.png

Ouchie...

xoD2iqA.pngkOEQGNK.png

Fuck these stupid turret bitches!

But there's still, like, two of them left.  And believe me when I say they really need to go down.

IGCBHJ8.png

Jann the turret sniper moves forward so that he can kill turret better.

KNvwGLM.pngX8xSHWG.png

And kills, obviously.

Funny how this mission goes so much smoother when the lancers can actually hit their goddamn targets.

i7pVTpr.png

And then Jann will...

LG4GTV5.png

Float above a trench while he saves Catherine???

Seriously, who taught all my troops to levitate above goddamn trenches?  Raiden?  Drill Instructor Rodriguez?  The wizard in the tower not too far from Largo's farm?

w8mzNC2.png

Regardless, I force Jann to the ground so that he won't get his levitating ass killed from lack of cover.

2DBbrbI.pngC6oRIpT.png

Obviously gonna try to take down the final turret with Elysse, but...

I don't like her chances aiming from there.  Maybe I could get her a little bit closer?

W1RwL99.png

Ah...  Ahh...

pMTutsd.png

AH!

Why does it look like one of the bullets is entering through her head and exiting through her derriere?!

And how is it that she only lost an eighth of her health from that?

You know what?  Maybe her brain is actually located somewhere else in her body... which honestly would explain why she's... slow.

a8Ju4ra.png

yLmPMht.png

MSfj1lQ.png6zzDhpD.png

She still is somehow able to hit the thing from this extremely shitty angle.

GDHrBCA.png

Not that I'm complaining, but I really hate shooting at the turret from here.

JIBBpb3.png

I'm gonna now start trying to move her towards the ruined walls so that she can be ready to shoot 'em down.

Bdt3fOw.png

Um...  Then I have Texas resupply and heal Elysse?

vVhQEbi.png

And place her in an extremely inconvenient place?

I... I hope I didn't...

DXotiLP.pngNjjElio.pnghY3durv.png

GDHrBCA.png

Okay, I know I said that I should start shooting down walls, but...

JIBBpb3.png

If you'll notice something, there's already a wall down in Maximilian's path.

In other words, this was not a necessary move this turn.

You know what would have been a useful move?

w6p67XN.png

gZ8Snnw.png

REPAIRING THE FUCKING TANK!

For all my shitting on the intellect of the soldiers I use and the enemies I kill, the worst offenses of stupidity tend to happen because of me.

I should take full responsibility for whatever BS happens.  If the tank gets destroyed, I have no one to blame but my own dumb ass.

MrShje5.png

Speaking of, it's the enemy's turn, and I was again wrong about how Maximilian issues orders.

He just does it whenever he feels like doing it.

LG4GTV5.png

Do you understand why some people say the AI in this game is unpredictable?

vLxkCeo.png

Another reason they're unpredictable; instead of shooting at Welks, the guy shoots at a stupid wall.

Wait a minute...

QyxYnAt.png

PQu3d6A.png

I really do feel as dumb as Loyd here.

Anyway, notice those radiators that pop out of the Batomys...

R4SrGFs.png

Yeah, you should know; you were shot by it.

Actually...

I think that the front cannon does more damage than the back cannon, which I'm pretty sure is a mechanism to ensure that the Batomys's path remains unimpeded by our tanks.  The game would probably break if we could tank a hit from that thing.

V5UJxQy.png

Yeah, man.  Open your stupid eyes already and actually pay attention to what's going on with the Batomys.

ITpXo2J.png

.....

Can I just bring this up real quick?

AZZSZoq.png

Welkin was studying science.  Nothing specific, just science in general.

That might not be so comprehensive a course, but I'd think they would at least cover ragnite a little bit.  Hell, regardless of what you're majoring in, I'd think they'd at least teach about a major resource in a general history class or something.  I mean, I don't know too much about stuff like coal, petroleum, or oil, but I know enough to know what they look like and at least vaguely what they do.

What I'm trying to say is...

Welkin should know that they have something to do with ragnite.  The blue glow gives it away.  Not only that, but it's so painfully obvious that they're a weakness.

hMUvisz.pngHDbretB.png

Isara once again proving that she's the real brains of this operation.

Rosie: 1

Darcsens/Advocates: 3

Idiot farmboys who take all the credit: 0

XMRtSUz.png

Yeah!  Let's punch 'em to death!

Okay, I think that only Lynn and Jane could do that.

UJTh2ew.png

I hate to keep incurring Star Wars for this LP, but...

You either do it or you don't.

3KrdULq.png

I would make a snarky remark regarding how stupid the ladders seem, but...

I mean, how else would they get inside?  I suppose they could make it like the tanks in GTA Vice City, where the doors are on the sides, but...

cefw3OR.png

If you don't think this looks like the stupidest design for a tank ever, you're probably blind.

Plus, they're extremely easy to break into when they're like this.  The biggest reason you might have trouble breaking into them in GTA VC is because they're sometimes locked.

iTn0hBa.png

wFWbziy.png

You dumbass, Welkin, the guns have already been taken out.

Iqi1qp1.png

Right, so here's the deal...

There are three radiators.  You can see them clearly; there's one on the left, one on the right, and one in the back.  There are conveniently three ladders that lead to platforms next to the radiators.  What we need to do is grab either an engineer, a shocktrooper, or a scout (yeah right), have them climb up the ladders, and throw a grenade into each of these things.  Only then will we be able to actually damage it.  That's right, we won't outright destroy the Batomys; we'll just weaken it enough that we can damage it with our lancers and tank.

I think we get only one turn to take them out before the Batomys can go on with its business...  Not only that, but once we destroy one radiator, the others will close off.  So basically, we need to shoot down three walls in his immediate path, and as soon as he shoots at them, we need to run a soldier up there.

That's also why I was so adamant about destroying the turrets.  Those things would make it so much more difficult to approach the Batomys.

XFvqiyO.png

And then he ends the turn.

Honestly, I'm surprised the Edelweiss...

Woah, I think I'm having deja vu here.

Regardless, Welks is still alive, we now have an opening, and we conveniently have a few foot soldiers with grenades hangin' around.

Who will be the lucky guy or gal that will deliver the first critical blow to one of Maximilian's holes?  To penetrate his defenses and bring him to his knees?

Find out next time, on the next episode of...

Batomys Snore-Fest :/:

It gets more difficult later on.  Trust me.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Once more, with feeling!

Chapter 7-5: Faldio's a Useless Bastard (Gameplay)

Spoiler

XFvqiyO.png

Where we last left off:

  • I was rewarded for being a moron
  • Lamarr has been debeaked, so any attempt she'll make to couple with our heads would be fruitless
  • That last remark was a vague analogy to what I accomplished with the Batomys
  • Also, the Batomys is now presenting like the total slut it is
  • Welkin is a fake Scientist
  • Isara is now President Superior GUNSLINGIN' Cold-Blooded Overachieving Worldwide Tank Driving Genocidal Fast-Thinking Code-Talker the Post Apocalyptic ACTUAL Scientist, Bitter as Hell Time Travelling Ultra Grande Exalt of Ylisse, Europa, Black Mesa, America, and Magvel, Daedric Prince of MADNESS and Cheese Driven G-Approved Interdimensional Agent of the Porcavian Pigs and Wildwoods who wields DARUDE'S PROTECTION and UNLIMITED POWER!
  • Vice City tanks are really fucking stupid looking...
Spoiler

Seriously, what kind of mad man thinks they look okay?

Grab yourself a six-pack of Doctor Pepper, tune your YouTubes to the failed Bubsy cartoon pilot, and ask yourself the million dollar question now that pretty much nothing is happening anymore...

WHat CoULd pAWsiBlY gO WrANG???

The answer may surprise you...

Spoiler

 

vFYRPZw.png

So I'll be doing some rearranging of my troops in the background.  No need to cap that stuff, so I'll only show the important stuff.

PaliKvN.png

So really, we only need to take down two walls, since there are only three radiators.  So Elysse's job is basically already done for now.

Rpj7ia4.png

I finally have Homer run to repair the Edelweiss...

hY9XGap.png

...

To two-thirds health...

9SwpEua.png

You couldn't have gone all the way?  Really, man?

That repair job is about as useful as Catherine's ass right now.  I'm confident that just about anything could still one-shot the Edelweiss after this shitpost of a repair job.

Ugh...

Rx5kY4d.png

Wasting another CP due to Homer's incompetence.

0lEVdjt.png

sgdjREU.png

Catherine will fix Homer's incompetence, right?

Let's bring her back!

gUwVN3e.png

Oh, and you better believe it's finally time to do some damage to this thing!

Hilarious thing to note: Texas is allergic to the desert, but I hardly ever actually pay attention to weakness potentials except for the extreme ones.

7EarLR1.png

I would post that "what are all those heads" pic from Zelda CDi, but the view from here quite frankly sucks.

gacJ53B.pngggwnOnL.png

Le boom.

Like I said before, when you throw a 'nade in one, the others will shut.  You can't see it in this shot, but it happens.

p3bOWlT.png

Thanks for crunching the numbers, Welks.  I would've never been able to figure that out on my own.

8LADP3k.png

nXKpBmV.png

First off, yet again, it's platoons.

Secondly, they don't exist.

And thirdly...

aZOBZCb.png

Faldio and one of the other two men in this pic blew their pinky fingers off playing with Selvaria's M80's.

Let this be a lesson; never play with Chinese bootleg fireworks.

Ce4IxgR.png

Cu2ZOX6.png

Faldio, you useless asshole!

All you had to do was not engage the woman who is probably one-shotting tanks.

0khlr6j.png

Mother fucker!

ejYcvl1.png

You think we're gonna hold some kind of pity party for lil' old you?

You knew what her kind were capable of.  And yet you charged your sorry ass at them?

Fuck you, and fuck your bitch-ass tactics.

S5sjNKw.png

Much needed backup, to be honest...

This is just pathetic, quite frankly.

74qNO1h.png

Yeah, yeah, don't engage the scary glowing albino with a lance that's twice the size of her own body.

Save the advice for the idiot who lost against her.

gn8WR11.png

rlWwack.png

ejYcvl1.pngch2PTnM.pngIXpkdce.png

Shut the fuck up, Welkin.

How dare you get pushy with people who are immensely more competent than your worthless ass.

ZhBlbLI.pngurwq0Zn.pngxjVimBJ.png

So now I have everyone take defensive positions.

Here's something I remember with absolute certainty; backup forces arrive from the same place where the first infantry squad was.

And I think you can guess why these forces would be so much more dangerous than the other guys.

Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler

It's obviously because of the Ace scout that will show up with them.

 

 

EvrCkMi.png

Anyway, the slutty tank moves... and that's about it.

zV2maK2.png

Then Catherine-the-Useful arrives.

How about I throw in... like, two more turns?  'Cuz these turns are getting really short, to be honest.

2tJyXlw.png

I place her here... for now.

RAglKR4.png

Also did this... just because I felt like it.

Really, I spent most of this turn just figuring out what I could do to prepare for the next wave of enemies and the Batomys.

OMG0tVE.png

I end my turn early, and...

dfDbY4o.png

ljL7JLm.png

Honestly, Maximilian's almost as stupid as Welkin is.

3Yx2ZCH.png

So the slut tank presents yet again.

g7QirCe.png

And I finally have Salinas take action.

Keep in mind that he's obsessed with tanks.  He loves them so much that he hates lancers.

And I'm about to have him help destroy one of the biggest tanks in the world.

I could just imagine that before everyone was deployed, he wished on a monkey's paw that he'd get to see a really cool tank.  Now he gets his wish, but the twist is that he has to destroy it.

8F4cWrw.png

Oh, and he has Desert Allergy as well.

sgdjREU.png

I'm the best tactician in the world, guys.  Get ready for my world-record LTC playthrough of Mystery of the Emblem Book 2, where I use Aran, Matthis, Bantu, and other top tier units all the way through, and never level up Sirius, Julian, Minerva, Merric, or Marth.

By the way, when this potential procs, he tells me that "all this grit is intolerable".

I'd give him shit, but after Welkin was being such a pushy little asshole, I can't help but feel sorry for the rest of the platoon.

Ny9AMG4.pngyp3wJzU.png

Anyway, two down, one to go.

ES2KVfy.png

Then... a cutscene procs.

I figured this would happen...

OKZoRqd.png

Oh come on, really?

Did they really need this many people just to take down Faldio and Generic Militia Lieutenant #47?

Maybe I didn't give them enough credit...

That being said, Faldio's still a bitch.

dWMxbUC.png

Man...

That's a tiny shield.

Also, she stopped glowing?  Well, I did say she glows in the dark, so...

okTMHt7.png3QKDGdM.png

Oh nevermind.

Apparently the word to turn on the death machine is "Maximilian".

Figured as much...

htxlb7b.png

Now she's glowing, alright.

PrcCc7o.png

Wow, that lance also looks smol...

And somewhere between this pic and the last one, she lost that cape.  Now you can see her smexy shoulders.

C4Eu7pL.pngx9RCwjX.pnggoih1oD.png

Oh...

HSwSf1I.png

Not-so-small lance and shield anymore.

qJjxbm3.pngq9XsuAr.png

I've been waiting months to post this picture in this LP, and it's the perfect time of year to...

dKp1jCr.jpg

Goddammit Selvaria.  Ruining everyone's Christmas with your breasts.  It happens every year.

uuidDhi.png

Right, so the cutscene signals the arrival of the reinforcements.

This is not avoidable.  It triggers as soon as you take down the second radiator, which essentially means that you have to deal with the backup forces for at least two turns.

trIx9Qi.png

He didn't sound so pushy this time.

ox9gYeW.png

It seems the little doggy has learned his lesson.

ZIanmLR.pngITiCBls.png

Right, so let's hide ol' Salinas first.

Hypuife.png

HSwSf1I.png

So...

Along with those troops, we have to deal with Selvaria herself!

dUelOsi.png

You can't even figure out any of her stats or potentials.

However, I do know some things about her as a unit.

  • She's literally invincible; you can lob lance shells, tank shells, mortar shells, regular bullets, douse her in flames... it doesn't matter.  Her health will never go down.
  • She has the same AP as a scout... normally.  With the mod installed, she actually has even more.  I think about as much as an elite scout.  Point is, she can go far.
  • That lance of hers has two modes of attack; one is her regular rapid-fire attack which hurts like hell and can be used in interception fire.  It can take down infantry after, like, two shots, and I'm pretty sure it can also damage the tank.
  • The second mode is a single, more deadly shot.  She'll use this if she's in range of a tank, and it's basically a one shot kill.
  • Her AI is very protective of the Batomys; she'll immediately run towards the Batomys, likely going down one of the slopes to get there, and she will constantly hover around (not literally) the bastard tank.

When Varrot told us not to engage her, she meant it.  You may be thinking to yourself "Ertrick, how in the hell do you plan to get passed her to board the tank when she's basically gonna be bird-dogging it by the time you can attack it?"

That's a good question...

Well...

It's one I'll have to answer later xp

 

Regardless of Selvaria, there are also a few other soldiers that came with her.  I believe they're her elite guard.  As you probably saw, they're three scouts, two shocks, and a single lancer (as if they need anyone besides Selvaria for tank destruction).

orIhsxx.png

One of those is an Ace named Kanzaar the Lion.

He'll give us a shitty scout rifle if we kill him, so let's get to work.

b70QG5k.png

First... and during defensive mission, one should really do this...

Let's issue an order!

giphy.gif

This is an O R D E R!

FJndSBb.png

"How dare that bitch!  Don't let her steal my thunder!  Kill, Kill, KILL!"

ELRYUzS.png

8LADP3k.png

Oh...  And, uh...  Make sure you don't die...

... again...

gzMQfsv.png

So...  It's hard to see, but you're able to at least distinguish Selvaria from the crowd, right?  She's the furthest to the left.

Well...  She's able to engage interception fire from this distance.

Yeah, she's not fun to deal with.

z8bgzM1.png

*Angrily stares*

What a suspenseful way to cut this part short.

 

Tune in next time for...

a different kind of hell.

Also, this is the reason I delayed the Imperial DLC mission until after this mission; it's major spoilers for this part.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's been a while since I last posted, so on my file, I'm on the very last level, and oh boyo is it rough

Spoiler

So Maximillion is outright bullshit I say, he nearly two-shots all my tanks, which have as much upgraded defense as possible with the slot system, additionally his AoE attack in phase 2 is way too strong, so he saw through Isara's smoke, and one-shotted a max health Edelweiss WHOSE RADIATOR WAS NOT FACING HIM....just orz I mean come on Lynn survived one head-on with half hp and Rosie only took 30 damage from due to her proning, I shouldn't have gave all my lancers mortars either as they are literally doing nothing, at least I know now to abuse smoke grenades and have Rosie and other shocktroopers go for headshots, also funny story, so I decided to advance the Edelweiss onto the right ramp and smoked in front of it since Max was hiding that direction, well he walked all the way around the map until he was facing my radiator, he charged up a beam attack, it missed and did 0 damage, I then tried moving the Edelweiss out of there but I couldn't turn due to Max being immovable and right in the middle of the bottom part of the ramp

But in other news, everyone is at least level 18/19 (engys are 20), I've maxed out all upgrades that are available, everyone either has or is missing one potential, and I've recruited some of the secret characters, Mainly Lynn and Audrey, but Knute has been unlocked and I don't plan on getting Oscar. I also found a useful grinding map, due to potentials (along with two specific orders) Alicia can scout rush the Barious ruins map in one turn. So getting 26k exp and 40k cash in about two minutes really helped speed up training and unlocking Knute

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, LucarioGamer812 said:

It's been a while since I last posted, so on my file, I'm on the very last level, and oh boyo is it rough

  Hide contents

So Maximillion is outright bullshit I say, he nearly two-shots all my tanks, which have as much upgraded defense as possible with the slot system, additionally his AoE attack in phase 2 is way too strong, so he saw through Isara's smoke, and one-shotted a max health Edelweiss WHOSE RADIATOR WAS NOT FACING HIM....just orz I mean come on Lynn survived one head-on with half hp and Rosie only took 30 damage from due to her proning, I shouldn't have gave all my lancers mortars either as they are literally doing nothing, at least I know now to abuse smoke grenades and have Rosie and other shocktroopers go for headshots, also funny story, so I decided to advance the Edelweiss onto the right ramp and smoked in front of it since Max was hiding that direction, well he walked all the way around the map until he was facing my radiator, he charged up a beam attack, it missed and did 0 damage, I then tried moving the Edelweiss out of there but I couldn't turn due to Max being immovable and right in the middle of the bottom part of the ramp

But in other news, everyone is at least level 18/19 (engys are 20), I've maxed out all upgrades that are available, everyone either has or is missing one potential, and I've recruited some of the secret characters, Mainly Lynn and Audrey, but Knute has been unlocked and I don't plan on getting Oscar. I also found a useful grinding map, due to potentials (along with two specific orders) Alicia can scout rush the Barious ruins map in one turn. So getting 26k exp and 40k cash in about two minutes really helped speed up training and unlocking Knute

Spoiler

First of all, I love the way you spell Maximilian.  Granted, I keep getting it wrong myself when I try to type it, but...

I just feel like I could work it into some stupid nickname for him.  Like... Max-a-million Broken Hopes and Dreams, Max-a-million Bucks, or Max-a-million Different Cheese Strats.

And yeah, Max is total BS.  His wasn't a particularly well-crafted boss; in fact, I'm pretty sure the game intends for you to cheese it, because it's next to impossible to get an A rank without major cheese strats.  You can be sure that I will deploy as much cheese as I can because I really don't believe it deserves the respect I could give it.

Selvaria's final battle was a lot better.  As I've said before, I'll first see if I can cheese it, but I'll play it more legit just to have more fun.

 

Before I continue with the LP, I just wanted to bring something to everyone's attention.  It's relevant, trust me.

I made a Mii of Alicia Melchiott and put her in Tomodachi Life with a bunch of other VG characters' Miis several months back.  Yesterday, I was browsing through a bunch of pictures I took and saved on my PC, and I came across this picture...

zF6Djeb.jpg

Left: Alicia (wearing a hat that covers her pigtails for some reason)  |  Right: Luigi (that's right, the brother of Mario)

 

Fuckin' Luigi, of all people, became sweethearts with Alicia.

This is one of the most random, oddball ships I've ever witnessed.  Granted, I didn't put Welkin or any other potential LI for Alicia on the island, but still...

Also, Daisy married Roy Campbell from MGS, goddamn Captain Price from CoD married Lucina, Krillin from Dragon Ball married Oboro, and Snake from MGS married Princess Peach.

Have I ever told you that Tomodachi Life is basically the video game equivalent of crack?  Because it really is.  I'd almost be inclined to do a screenshot LP of it, but I don't even know how I'd do it or when I'd end it.

...

Spoiler

To think that these two:

OxVu78y.png

qERrRUD.png

Would be brought together in unholy matrimony.

Truly, I am cursed.

I hope no one here has actually found smut involving these two.

 

Anyway...

Chapter 7-6: VC's Version of a Super Saiyan (Gameplay)

Spoiler

Now where was I?

z8bgzM1.png

Oh... right...

8AoXYtj.png

This is what I was doing.

 

So...

Hypuife.png

Where we last left off:

  • An albino Super Saiyan has shown up to fuck us over in about half a zillion different ways
  • Faldio's a bitch who can't do anything right
  • Varrot's proving to be an even badder bitch than we all thought
  • Catherine is apparently the descendant of a phoenix and a dodo
  • Homer finally repaired the damn tank
  • All this grit is intolerable
  • I just finished watching someone play through all eleven endings for the following game:

A2JU9K8.png

Spoiler alert: it's edgy as hell

Now let's shift our focus to a good Sega game, shall we?

PYq3rS7.jpg

I said "good", not "middling".

lkn2GPy.jpg

I mean a good game that isn't Sonic.  And this one wasn't actually developed by Sega anyway.

Gno2AwH.png

No, not that, I-

Oh...

Alright...  Okay...  I see what's going on...

 

Readers, pay no mind to what I write here.

Spoiler

Cherry Stijnen, you fuck...

Why did you fuck with my images?

I know we kicked you off the team, but you do realize you're jeopardizing my job here, right?  I could get fired over this, and trust me...  Isara is not very forgiving with the unemployed.  My brother was unemployed...  The keyword is "was".  You figure out the rest.

Cut this shit out, Cherry.  Or else I'll piss on all your "Gallian Girl" magazines and have my cat tear up all your rolls of toilet paper.

 

So let's get back to ye ol' Valkyria Chronicles, shall we?

I only sighted Selvaria in the scope so that you could get a better look at her in-game.  Shooting at her does pretty much nothing.

q2QKBcx.png

Instead, I kinda wanna hit this guy.

PMDRq6m.png

sRNaczL.png

You're lucky I myself am not keeping a counter of the times you let me down, Catherine.

I'd normally save scum for a dumb moment like this, but...

MPhKs5s.png

I decide to roll with it and shoot this dick.

zrsX9oz.png

Now, you want to be careful about where you leave your troops.

I know that I definitely don't want them sitting along that trench, but beyond that...

Honestly, any of my units here could be taken out by Selvaria.  Catherine especially, given that she's standing right here.

oNFpyP2.png

Of course, I'm gonna try to have her take out the lancer.  Just one more shot, and-

iPWHgYO.png

l2Zm7Vp.png

Catherine, you mother fucker, you're making the prospect of save-scumming extremely tempting right now.

You're lucky I've gotten sick of this map.

jPLIm3l.png

Gonna do... something with the non-fuck-up.

If only I had Ruhm, I could just have Lynn wipe the floor with these degenerates.

Seriously, that's how OP that gun is.  And it brings me joy that some haven't even seen it in action, because I'll get to show it to them for the very first time.

W1k3ASo.png

Fuck it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8HQ5osj.pnggHDNQbe.png

Catherine finally hits this bastard.

uGwKzdo.png

Remember how many CPs I started with?

Thirteen.

1Q8khzR.png

That's right.  I wasted eight CPs trying to kill just one guy from Selvaria's detachment.

This fucking sniper rifle sucks.  I can't wait to get a new one.

V7i86fQ.png

So since there's... really nothing I can do, I end the turn.

GpheeV2.png

*Shakes fist*

Damn you, quit mocking me with your twenty CPs!

It's even worse knowing that they're probably not even gonna use all of them.

qQnzyZK.png

Not even an Order, and Max-a-million Tank Turrets starts moving the Batomys forward.

Let's see if-

heCVRPh.png

Okay, he just is gonna pounce our base camp instead.

Fq2j2C6.png

Next, Selvaria moves.  This is a frame-perfect shot; it usually just shows enemies - even Selvaria - moving from the perspective of our allies.

Remember that she has as much AP as an Elite Scout... probably even more.  Unless she plans to hunt down all of our units (which I'm pretty sure she won't), she won't waste very many CPs.

She's meant to serve mostly as an extremely powerful defense unit for the Batomys.

XUNqEH9.png

Um...

What?

Okay, first of all, I was right; she's going down the same slope that I had Lynn and Jane on.

Secondly...

Jann's world is about to get totally twist-turned upside down.

AbN4qaX.pngHInYen0.png

bgsPqZ3.png

Damn... to fell even the mighty Jann.

This lady really means business.

Not only that, but this is an actual hindrance to my objective.  I'm gonna need lancers for a later part this chapter.

aY7bN4K.png

Anyway, this smug bastard moves yet again.

sjb7ZBz.png

Wait-

WHAT?!

Did I-

I mean-

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

faUaaJ6.png

...

Well, at least she was taken down by a bad ass lady and not an incompetent buffoon like Susie.  Though I guess you could say that I technically killed her, and I am an incompetent buffoon, as you can see.

tWv3fYy.png

Now they're moving their grunts...

I sure hope that none of them try to take Texas.

Ujfj8bI.png

Ow.

You know, it's a bad idea to make Jane angry.  She might throw you in a trash compactor.

jpaWeoP.png

Oh hey!  Catherine actually putting in work.

Unfortunately, this is the only one she manages a potshot on.

vtJGB2y.png

Umm...

So to make a long story short.

iDyKxhR.png

They used every single CP.

Let me crunch some numbers for you real quick.

They started with twenty CPs.  Max-a-million Wasted Turns moved the tank once, spending a total of two CPs.  Selvaria then moves twice.  You can tell because she took out two units; she can't fire at multiple targets in one CP usage.  Lynn's pretty much the only one capable of doing so, and even then there's only a chance.

So now it's sixteen available CPs.  Where did they all go?

Well...  You see how all the enemy units are huddled around the Batomys?  Well, the scouts spent approximately two CPs to get to the tank each (which would be six CPs in total), and the shocktroopers spent about three each to get to where they are (another six).

But Ertrick.  That only adds up to twelve.

Right.  So that leads me to the main problem with how the enemy chose to spend their turn.

Instead of attempting to pursue my fallen units or doing anything else of value, these numbskulls opted to just waste CPs rearranging their positions ever so slightly.

I'm almost angry they didn't try anything.  This is just beyond moronic.

hT7t0Se.png

Get your shit together, Imps.

Also, while I'm comparing this game to DBZ via the title of this part...

The amount of time it took for all these idiots to complete their moves really did feel as if I was sitting through the fight between Frieza and Goku in the original anime.  It dragged on forever and contained a lot of screaming.  On my part, anyway.

z9YNFoJ.png

Though this is certainly a good thing for us, because I can still save my units and Catherine didn't die yet again...

But still...  I can't help but feel both exhausted and disappointed by the way the enemy used their turn.

 

Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of this battle.  And to eventually witness a side of the story that will certainly be quite unique.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 minutes ago, Ertrick36 said:

First of all, I love the way you spell Maximilian.  Granted, I keep getting it wrong myself when I try to type it, but...

Spoiler

Okay in all fairness the only Maximillion I know how(or rather care) to spell right is the one from Yu-gi-oh, since I have the original deck made for him, but I don't use it (hey it was made way back when the game came out, my current deck is way better and aggressive, well at least until the new format change ruined it.

Tomodachi life, almost as weird and crazy as miitopia (Bob Ross may or may not be a guard beside a Magikarp and Dawn from pokemon may or may not be a grandmother, also Callie from Splatoon may or may not be a mother of an inkling)

Edited by LucarioGamer812
submitted early
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Update: Today has been successful in Valkyria for me, beat the Edy detachment (after raging so hard yesterday), got every unit to level 20, and beat the game, with an A ranking on the final level

Spoiler

smoke grenade +Lynn headshotting Max with Edy's dual strike is op

so just going to fool around on ng+ until I get my entire squad back together (must recruit Lynn again) and then maybe 100% it

Spoiler

I'll have Susie be the sacrifice, I like her design and all, but her ability is so bad that I will never use her, at least Herberts allows him to move and rescue allies

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So VC4 is a thing that's actually happening...

3BBjarR.png

Looks like we've got:

Angery (probably vengeful or something) Darcsen dude, Welkin's dad (thinks my brother's hairstyle is pretty trendy, I guess), what I assume is probably a fusion of Cosette and Alicia who just so happens to like Oboro's leggings, the next generation of Marina, and D O G E.

ViVTwRx.png

Clearly, doge will be the best character of this game; just look at that hat and the ragnaid canister this good boy/girl is packing.  I can't wait.

Also, they're Feds...  So it'll be interesting to see an entirely new perspective.

Feel free to discuss your thoughts with me on this game as we progress through the LP; I think it's definitely relevant enough to warrant it.  Unfortunately, this game coming out next year probably means that the VC3 LP I planned to do might be delayed.  Though it doesn't really impact this LP.

On 11/19/2017 at 12:44 PM, LucarioGamer812 said:

Update: Today has been successful in Valkyria for me, beat the Edy detachment (after raging so hard yesterday), got every unit to level 20, and beat the game, with an A ranking on the final level

  Reveal hidden contents

smoke grenade +Lynn headshotting Max with Edy's dual strike is op

so just going to fool around on ng+ until I get my entire squad back together (must recruit Lynn again) and then maybe 100% it

  Reveal hidden contents

I'll have Susie be the sacrifice, I like her design and all, but her ability is so bad that I will never use her, at least Herberts allows him to move and rescue allies

 

- That's great.  I know that the Edy detachment is one of the more challenging DLC missions to get an A rank on.

Spoiler

And you now know why Lynn is basically a goddess in this game.

- Yessss...  Must...  Recruit...  Lynn...

You probably have access to both Hard and Hard EX skirmishes.  If you ever feel the need to get more replay value out of the game, you could try those; they're designed to be more like actual challenges instead of grinding skirmishes.  Or else if you have a decent computer (I'll post the "recommended" specs below; VC is not very demanding) and about $20, you could buy the PC version and get the mod I have.

Spoiler

Recommended specs:

Operating System: Windows Vista or later version (I'm running it on Windows 10 with practically no issues)

Processor: Core2 Duo 2.8 GHz (even your average laptop from 2012 can run this; I know because my broken down PoS laptop can run it)

RAM: 3 GB (most computers come with at least 4 gigs of RAM; 8 gigs is the average, it would seem)

Graphics Card: GTX 280 (I think most laptops and desktops have an integrated graphics card that's at least this powerful)

Storage: 25 GB (likely the most problematic part if you're bad with your computer's storage)

 

So...  A whole week gone, and I left on sort of a cliff hanger.

Hey, it's better than Sonic Chronicles: Dark Brotherhood.

Chapter 7-7: Don't Feed the Albinos (Final Gameplay Segment)

Spoiler

z9YNFoJ.png

Where we last left off:

  • Cherry Stijnen fucked with my screenshot collection
  • Jann the Giant has fallen
  • Texas is also down
  • I underestimated the enemy's level of idiocy
  • Catherine's performance was as middling and Sonic Forces
  • Lynn yearns for the Ruhm

Let's finish this, shall we?

For Doge?

ViVTwRx.png

For Doge...

dHMSgIb.png

So...

The main thing I wanna do right now is clear out all those pesky regular soldiers.  And the Ace.

Why?

Because they make this a bigger pain in the ass than it needs to be.

And since they were all so kind to just bunch together like that, well...

LkkF6WN.png

Better watch out for ol' nuke girl.

I'm pretty sure she can damage the Edelweiss with interception fire.

UWPKv85.pngPzYAEht.png

Seriously, I can't even begin to tell you how stupid this move was for the Imps.

bQxxW8p.png

Let's get Corporal "All This Grit Is Intolerable" Milton, and try to have him out-flank the tank and Selvaria.

Remember that we still have one more radiator to go.

0SGpz19.png

I try to sandwich him between these walls...

But it would seem that Colonel Sense-of-Accomplishment has set an invisible wall there that can only be broken through the hit new loot box system.

ltpm67n.png

Uhm... uh...

dnCtMt4.png

Help.

I can't find a good place for him to go.

If I have him run out in front of the tank for cover, Selvaria will mow him down.

But if I just leave him here, there's a chance that she'll gun him down in the next turn.

Uh...

09L6LFv.png

Fuck it, I'll leave him here.

I still got, like, three other units that can use grenades in case I need them to.

otyrJZL.png

Units like Best Girl Lynn.

That's actually an extremely good spot for her to be.

Og7cJ91.png

I also move Homey over here... not quite rescuing Jann yet.

And I actually end my turn here.

Cr4DRNk.png

Big boi issues another "All Units Attack" order and then scoots his ass into position.

ULD9Ldp.png

Uh oh...

ME9izHa.png

09L6LFv.png

Can't say I didn't try...

Now that's three of my units down.

All of them taken down by everyone's favorite busty albino.

8GCuMm9.png

More enemy idiocracy as they just bird-dog Selvaria.

You see, here's the problem with these filler enemies; instead of performing like regular units and trying to attack my infantry/tank, they try to fulfill the same role that Selvaria's trying to perform.  They wind up just being redundant guards for Maximilian's tank that can easily be taken out by tank mortars instead of an actual threat to your forces.

Essentially, the biggest threats in this map are:

  • The Batomys itself
  • The Batomys turrets (which are destructible)
  • Selvaria

Everyone else is just fodder.  They wouldn't be if A) they didn't bunch together and B) they performed tasks beyond hounding the Batomys.

The enemy AI this mission is worse than the AI in Shadows of Valentia.  All that's missing is illusion abuse.

PYTx8ZB.png

Anyway, the enemy ends their turn, so I have good ol' Homey here attempt to save his fallen comrades with powers of levitation.

qKgW8GQ.png

Unfortunately, levitation powers can't stop magic lance lazers.

gwk8sMR.png

Yeah, he's not gonna move again.

nXjx0fK.pngGdQrZuh.png

Once again, wrong place, wrong time.

Selvaria can apparently block tank mortars with that shield, though.  Don't ask me how that works.

4DIqYMp.png

So now Selvaria's the only infantry around...

But with Corporal Simpson pinned down, Jane busy handling an opioid deal, and Salinas and Texas down for the time being, who can we count on to throw that last grenade?

LXM7YEO.png

Obviously Lynn.

Proving, once again, that Karl has the best taste in women.

PCKZIt5.png

So there are a few open spaces where Selvaria can actually shoot at her...

But...

8UA13mq.png

Selvaria's main problem is that it takes a couple of seconds for her to charge up her beam weapon.

So if you're fast (like Shocktroopers tend to be) and you move from cover to cover, you can avoid damage.

wPPnvBo.png

Lynn...

While three fell to the beastly albino, Lynn challenged her and won.

Once again, proving her bad-assery ヽRGaYS2c.pngノ

fpNavIZ.png

Anyway, turn end.

Max shoots a wall 'cuz he's getting pissy.

h2QtNYQ.png

NZ3UNkq.png

You goddamn white-haired harlot...

You better not kill my last lancer!

8vxkeIS.pngSuQUA8c.png

x9JFTHb.png

...

Good.

Though now I know that it's dangerous to use her, because Selvaria clearly can shoot her.

Fucc

xuZv7tz.png

And this mother fucker tries it again...

But she failed yet again.

I think Elysse has some kind of divine protection or something.

AFOO2BH.png

So...

It all comes down to this.

That last radiator is exposed.

However...

Remember how you need to rescue fallen troops within three turns?

This is the last turn for Texas.  If we wait one more turn, and she isn't rescued or the mission hasn't been completed, she's dead.

It's all or nothing.  Let's end this now and save the life of our dear brain-damaged lesbian.

Ae2Mv3u.png

The woman...

2yasgCo.png

The myth...

ssqbzGn.png

THE LEGEND...

giphy.gif

THIS.  IS.  AN ORDER!

GlkXDh2.png

KILL OR BE KILLED!

q5P1kCM.png

ZE2OKtJ.png

LYNN!  MY!  GIRL!

You did it!

b8rCXV9.png

WHAT?!

LMAO, WHY DID THIS PROC?

I mean, hey.  I'm glad you're up for some overtime, but I got news for you: there's nothing else for you to do.

WzhAcMT.png

Then a cutscene plays.

I guess this means that Lynn take precedent over Welks.

wp0CGtT.png

What?

xFFJGQv.png

How exactly am I being presumptuous?  Did I not destroy all the radiators?  Am I presumptuous because I assume that it'll damage the tank?

Also, new reaction pic.

76FXKlS.png

And another one.

5tUBPVI.png

He even admits that the tank is on its way towards being destroyed.

And trust me when I say that he's not going anywhere in a hurry with that big ass cape of his.

P7nvZeb.png

Unless you think that thing isn't a tripping hazard.

d0KanBU.png

But...

But you're already right there.

What, do you plan to carry him out of there on your shoulder like a gallant knight?

You guys know that this would be her dream, right?  To literally carry him to safety and then...

WIwh816.png

.....

XRSr0Ig.png

I don't think I need to say anything else.

hSwukhW.png4JmgW9z.png

And thus marks the next (and final) part of this chapter; shooting the ever loving shit out of the Batomys.

Let's punish this naughty little slut!

I had to make one more sexual reference before I was through with this.

8qAld55.png

First, though, let's get Lynn off of this thing.

I definitely think it'd be a bad idea to leave someone on that thing while we shoot at it.

3WH4kSO.png

.....

And let's do this because... why the fuck not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3lv7L6t.png

Load an order on my tank as well...

Just so this goes by faster.

So...

23 CPs.

That's eleven shots from the Edelweiss plus one from Elysse.

You think I'll be able to pull this off in one turn?

YwWvaoY.png

We'll have this delusional boi take aim first.

Can't really see how many shots it'll take.

Doesn't that make it so much more suspenseful?

QPCoMWy.png

Hmmst...

Looks like it'll probably be around six to eight.

Let's count 'em, shall we?

One...

84tw5jm.png

Two...

VTPrNjl.png

Tres...

ivNxZxa.png

Quatre...

5QzuQ1k.png

V for Vendetta...

phdztgB.png

Sixty-nine.

XRSr0Ig.png

Wow, what a weak PoS tank.

Destroyed by a nutshack tank.

RIP in piss.

ecKLhlY.png

Ye, boi!

Remember the Alamo, mother fucker!

CYUkU0f.png

I know...

Oba0lD7.png

It's almost like you have shitty tactics, my friend.

2JUOPtz.png

Aw...

She's now a cuddly teddy bear with feelings...

that glows in the dark...

and has a lance that can cut through a tank like butter.

OOOCppZ.png

Oh, the Marmota.

Another of his big-ass tanks.

Just how small is your dick, exactly?

At least he's willing to learn.

t6UqRbx.png

Aw...

I was hoping she'd shoulder him herself.

It'd be so romantic.

...

Spoiler

yp1vq5f.png

nPhsXiO.png

Yeah, all thanks to Isara's advice, right?

...  RIGHT?

iTqcdwL.png

Goddammit, Varrot!

And let me reiterate still that Faldio doesn't have a fucking platoon.

He's a hack fraud.

AcmOJDb.png

She's containing some serious anger right now at not being recognized for her part in this.

5I20gvU.png

And Welks has an actual ANGERY face, holy shit.

ps9679H.png

Mission results...

Of course I got an A Rank; I did it for Texas.

FDBa40K.png

And I got a shitty scout rifle.

Why is it that the enemy weapons seem so much more powerful in their hands?

 

Anyway, lemme conclude with some thoughts on this chapter, because there's a lot of air I want to clear here.

I actually made this map seem a lot more boring and easy than it actually is.  True, the enemy AI has certainly seen better days, but there were a lot of times I was unsure of what was gonna happen, and also times I made errors and had to reset.  Also, I actually did play through this chapter before with the mod before I even started this LP, so I had some experience with it already.

This map is pretty difficult.  And much of that difficulty stems from you having to do a lot at once.  You have to constantly drive the Edelweiss out of the Batomys cannons' ranges, you have to shoot down turrets that shoot right back at you with lancers who can't take much heat (or else have your grenadiers deal with getting shot at a bunch), you have to find a way to take down most enemy infantry before they swarm the Batomys, and you have to find ways to avoid Selvaria.  In the process, if you want an A Rank, you need to save up enough CPs to be able to immediately destroy the Batomys after the last radiator is destroyed.  Not to mention that if you plan the radiator destruction wrong, you might find your troops needing to run directly passed Selvaria, which is an almost guaranteed death for them if you're not careful.

So with that, this part is done.

Tune in...

For the next part, I might do both the outro for this chapter and the intro for the DLC.

Maybe...  It really depends on how many screenies I'll have to take for both.

Regardless, Selvaria's DLC is the next segment I'll do.  And believe me when I say that it'll likely make a future chapter all the more impactful.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ertrick36 said:

you probably have access to both Hard and Hard EX skirmishes.  If you ever feel the need to get more replay value out of the game, you could try those; they're designed to be more like actual challenges instead of grinding skirmishes.

......I tried those, I had to log out of the game back to the title screen due to those, I'm sorry, but those are currently beyond my abilities until I get everyone the best royal weapons. Since there is stuff locked behind them for achievements. Lynn is now a diehard member of the squad, while her potential rarely activates for me, she has literally god mode so much difficult stuff in the last two levels

Spoiler

I'm talking multiple cannon shots, Maximilian himself, lancers, and shocktroopers, she lived through it all and finished off old Max herself (with dual support from Edy of course) though I did originally want them to weakon him enough so Alicia could come in and finish him but oh well

Whenever I get a better pc (current one couldn't handle it I bet) I'll definitely get it and try it

Oooh the imperial dlc is up next, I'll have to start trying that soon on my file.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...