Valkyria Chronicles: Gallian Crossfire mod - Team Isara Edition

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... your heart has stopped and your brain is cooo-ooold~ you are so, so de-ead...

Eh?  What are you lookin' at me for?  Oh right, you want some more content?  Here you go.


BHBF Part 1-6/2-1 Segway: Socrates Wants You to Not (Conclusion/Story?)


This is one of those rare occasions where there's technically no end or intro, but this is in fact a new chapter we're going into.


Because this is a DLC campaign, you aren't taken back to the book menu; instead, you're just told to go fuck yourself.



I looked up the official definition, and this is what it came up with:


one who serves in the reserve formations of a nation's armed forces


I think it means that I've got new soldiers.  I'll probably use a few of them, but don't expect a widely different team than from before.


So because this is Nerd Marth's story, this is the perspective we get.




Gah, what the fuck?!

Did Selvaria become a giant?!  Is she gonna eat us?  What is this shot???

I shouldn't have said that; now I've titillated the vore fetishists that I know are out there because of Android 21 in Dragon Ball FighterZ.


Nah, she was just extremely close to Johann.

Say... what was she doing to him before he regained consciousness???

This is...  You know what, I'm not even gonna comment for fear of making this scene even weirder.


Yes, it is your general... hovering over you for some reason.

I mean, she probably just heard him stirring and came over, but still.  Johann could probably smell her breath at this proximity.  Hopefully she brushes her teeth.


Awfully concerned about him, aren't you?

I mean, you're kind of the reason he's in this state.


You're inside your own tent.  It turns out, the last battle was just a dream, and we're just now getting ready to take on the Gallian scum.


Thank Isara she's no longer right in our face.

And if you've ever watched dark comedies from the Cold War, you should fully expect me to make a joke regarding the name of this place later on.


She put you there in the first place, do you honestly think she minds?


Um... wait, why did she get slightly closer in this shot?



Johann, what are you gonna say?


I know that tone!

He's gonna say something really stup-


This is all I have in response to this:


Of course, she doesn't react well to-




Socrates wouldn't have wanted it to come to this!



Or damn near it!  Remember that she pretty much has inhuman strength.

Though I will give her credit; at least she didn't punch him like Sumia did to Chrom, and then try to claim it was just a slap.


Oh, but I'm ignoring one pertinent fact...



Okay, her just saying that got a chuckle out of me.

Up until this scene, would you have imagined Selvaria saying and doing these things?  I certainly didn't.


Then we cut to back on top of the Citadel wall.


Ah, live and let live.  Just forget about it and move on.

You may have almost killed a man for saying something incredibly stupid for absolutely no reason, but his cheekbones are... at least on the way to recovery?


You're goddamn right you should apologize.

Why the fuck did you have to mention that her humongous mommy cups were sitting on your arm, potentially trapping your arm and cutting off blood circulation to your hand, thereby numbing it entirely and making you useless should a battle erupt?

Shit, I just gave a legitimate excuse for him.


... am I gonna have to bring Rev back?


where I got that one picture of Selvara.jpg

Actually, it's a png file, but you get the point.


If this is what you'd define as "thinking", I think it's time you just stop doing that in general.

Once again, Socrates is sorely disappointed.


I must be at least half as annoyed as she is.


"Even though you have horrendous manners and have the tendency to ignore social conduct so that you can voice your weird, slightly perverted thoughts out loud, I feel I should commend you for destroying those four-or-so blockades and killing that one guy."


Finally, something that came out of his mouth that isn't a stupid remark.


Ah, a genuinely touching moment that doesn't just scream anime hi-jinks.


Are you shitting me?  Engineers rock.


Just ask Nadine the rockstar.

Totally shredding on that air-guitar.


Anyway, Selvaria lines him out on precisely why being a Valkyrur is not something to be envious of.


In other words, everyone thinks she's a freak.


People only like her because she can kill things good...


Nerd Marth sucks, so it's naturally unfair to compare him to her...


And "good job taking down those barricades, kid".


I have a feeling that if he read my LP, he wouldn't feel so great about his role in the army.


I... don't believe I actually heard a reason out of him yet.  If anything, it sounds like he was conscripted into the army.


Dear lord, look at how sad she looks.


Oh my god, she looks like she's about to cry.

This is soul crushing.  Damn...

One minute we're pulling perverted gags, and the next we have Selvaria facing bleak realities about her purpose.

Why must you yank me around like this, game?


You can't tell, but he said that more like a question.


Oh fuck off, Selvaria, you cheeky bastard!


And with that, we move on to-


Goddammit, Otto, go away!

Take your ashtray voice and go bother Jackal or whatever.


He fell under the witch's spell.


"And did you hear that she actually let me touch her breast?  I'm tellin' ya, man, I never want this war to end!"


Fuck off, Otto, I said that as a joke.


Johann, you should show Otto Rev's PSA.

Set him straight.


You're an asshole, Otto.

And here I head-canoned you as a Darcsen, yet you're as intolerant as the next man.


"Yeah, she is incredibly hot, but still..."


That's really sad, especially when you actually know what her backstory is.

Also, this segment abruptly ends here.  No bones about it, 'cuz literally the next scene is the briefing for the next mission.


Tune in for... something that'll actually make me legitimately hate Damon.


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On ‎10‎-‎2‎-‎2018 at 11:24 PM, Ertrick36 said:

Tune in for... something that'll actually make me legitimately hate Damon.

more than usael?

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On 2/15/2018 at 8:01 AM, Cheetar said:

more than usael?

Usually he's just an arrogant, pompous jerk who pushes the lower class military leaders around.  But here, he does something... well, just read the LP segment in this post and you'll quickly understand.


Not too much content today, mostly because I haven't recorded the gameplay of the next part yet, but here's the beginning of the chapter I like to call "War Crime Wednesday".

BHBF Part 2-2: Damon Stoops to a New Low (Not-Really-Gameplay)



So yes, there actually is another part to this.  Like I said, this DLC amounts to a total of four chapters, except two of them are pretty much just slightly different versions of each other.  Whether you get Chapter "2" or "3" depends on if you destroyed Damon's tank.  Believe it or not, this is technically the last part of the story (same with the alternate version where you don't destroy it), as the fourth chapter is more a bonus chapter you get for crushing all of these chapters (getting A rank in them).  Still, we will do that chapter, but it'll mostly be for shits and giggles.  You'll see why when we get to it.

So what exactly are we doing here?  Besides just blowing through more dudes?  Well here's the lowdown...


Basically the situation.  Damon's a stubborn asshole who won't just give up.  I'll give him that.


In other words, he's stupid so we should... watch out?

The reason we should watch out isn't so much that he's stupid, but rather because he's both scummy and prideful.  The bottom line for him is his reputation; he'll do anything to make himself look better.


Because nothing is more terrifying than seeing this probably 6'+ tall behemoth of a woman - who wields a roughly 50 pound gun and wears all black - standing next to your tank, so her running over there will cause Damon to run away screaming and pissing his pants.


I mean, given that we didn't need to use them while fighting Damon's forces within the Citadel walls, I don't see why we'd need to start using them now.

Though it'd be nice if someone actually killed him this time.  Seriously, killing a General would be a huge boon for the Imperial forces.  Or imprisoning him.  It doesn't matter.  Although then again, him being in command of the Gallian forces is a bane for the Gallians more than anything, so maybe it is for the best...



So I can just stomp the whole field with Selvaria?

Where's the challenge?



This time, our goal is only to bring Selvaria to a specific point.  That point, coincidentally, is right on top of the Gallian Base Camp.

For those who've played the main game, this is essentially Chapter 15 (Part 1) in reverse; we start on the Citadel wall and charge into a valley, breaking through what is supposed to be an offensive line and outmaneuvering the enemy so that they'll surrender and retreat back to their base...

except they've thrown in a particularly nasty surprise in this map.


So there are new units available and I suggested that I might use some of them...

Well, that was a lie.

Everyone I used in the previous chapter, I'm gonna use this chapter as well.

Even Jackal.

So no more stories for these characters.  I don't want to make up more stories for them anyway; it's tiring.




I honestly didn't expect that I'd pull this screenshot up as much as I have so far, but dammit if I don't find the stark contrast between her treatment of her troops in the main story and the DLC absolutely hysterical.

So we begin...


Because Damon gives literally no fucks about the lives of his troops.

It's really as simple as that.


So Selvaria tries to bark orders at Johann and the others, when suddenly a ghost farts and blows it Selvaria's way.


Selvaria... seizes up?!


Uh...  That's really bad.

Especially in the middle of a battlefield.

What the hell is going on?!




Don't tell me...












More like you aren't gonna allow your pride to be crushed out of morals, you piece of shit!

I can't believe this guy!  Really, he's willing to potentially embroil Gallia in an international legal crisis and brutally murder an enemy soldier in a cruel and unusual manner all because his tiny little metaphorical dick of a tank was stomped on?!

Damon was already scum, but now he's just a straight up villain.  Who did you learn this villainy from, Damon?


If anyone here says Isara is responsible, you will get a one-way ticket to the gallows.


Not only that, but he's also willing to destroy the only thing keeping the Empire out of Gallia.  And even assuming he manages to actually capture Selvaria and defeat the Imperial troops here, the fact that Gallia released poison gas into the air will not only spur the Empire to invade in full force and slaughter every Gallian they come across, but will make any other nation either an enemy or hesitant to aid Gallia.

Damon basically screwed everyone over so that he can prove he doesn't have a small dick.  Damon is Vegeta's hubris times a thousand!


In case you had any doubt that this was about anything other than his hurt pride.

Nope... it really isn't.  He's just all pissy because his stupid fucking tank was blown up, so he's now gonna blow up the Citadel and gas a woman to death!  And you guys think girls can overreact.


Uh...  New conditions!

Damon really is planning on destroying the Citadel, and a new objective for us is to put a stop to that!

Also, I believe this is the most defeat conditions we've seen yet in this LP.


Attack "squad"?

Don't you mean attack person?


No shit.


Err... yes, we've... already established this...

How about we point out the fact that this is literally nerve gas which means Selvaria will choke to death and collapse, unable to move yet still completely conscious while she struggles to simply breathe or stand up?

How are we gonna fix this disgustingly fucked up situation?


Yeah, she... she is...

Really, do we have to point out so many obvious things?


Johann then has flashbacks to things Selvaria said to him.  I won't bother showing them as they don't have subtitles and they're literally just things she's said to him that we've seen before, but we know that Johann cares a lot about her, so...


You can't see his face, but this pose practically screams "Omae wa mou shindeiru" to Damon.  Even though he's not actually gonna die here ;_;


He's obviously gonna go on a rampa-


Oh...  He's not gonna just run off?

Also, I believe this is gonna be the reasoning for why you'll be able to resurrect fallen allies with engineers in VC4.  And this was a point I brought up way back when folks were trying to describe how Ragnaid works.  If you didn't see it/don't remember it, I argued that Ragnaid basically is a distilled and synthesized form of Ragnite that comes packed with other healing agents, which I believe was supported by Nerd Marth's explanation of engineer Ragnaid here.

So yes... this is the one time where Johann actually will be helpful... and it's something that literally anyone else could do if they just had the Ragnaid that engineers carry.


Said the internet.


Egh, who'd actually pair this guy with Selvaria, though?


And this is the method Damon employs for destroying the wall; he has artillery units set up at each of the camps, and each camp consecutively fires one after the other at the wall.  The one firing the first artillery is incidentally the camp closest to us to the northwest.


How will this all play out?

Find out...

Next time, when I actually get around to playing it because I haven't recorded it yet!

I'm gonna see if I can actually use her, because I never tried before.


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