How Would You Rewrite the Story?

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

Just something I've be wondering. From what I've heard everyone loves the Tellius games, though perhaps to different degrees. You can love something though and admit that it has problems. So my question is if you could rewrite the story of Radiant Dawn how would you do it? This has nothing to do with the gameplay itself, just the plot and story as you progress from the DB to the end against Ashera.

Personally I don't think I would make many changes to the actual story, I would just add development and clarification. Expand on the characters and cover some areas that seem like they were glossed over or skipped entirely. The most changes I would make would probably be to Part 2. It was very well written but didn't do anything to really advance the plot so I would rewrite it so that Elincia's story would help the plot along some.

You can be as detailed in this as you like, I'd love to hear your ideas! :)

[Elincia]

I believe part 1 is good as it is. 

Part 2 is good, but maybe the aftermath should involve some of the other countries. Maybe something like some of the powerful lords that supported Ludvecks' rebellion go and defect to Begnion and later become involved in the upcoming war between Begnion and the Laguz Alliance. Maybe Elincia eventually catches wind of it, with Crimea later joining the conflict. 

Part 3 is good for the most part, other than the Blood Pact. I can see Daein being unable to join the Laguz Alliance, since many Daein citizens likely still loathe the Laguz, though they need a better reason to join the conflict alongside Begnion.

I'd probably build off of some of the paired ending as well. I'm content with most of the ending we got, maybe add some for characters that don't already have one. Supports would definitely help with this as well as more base convos. 

These were all just some random thoughts off the top of my head, not sure how I would expand upon this though. 

 

[Magical Glace]

Remove the focus the game puts on Ike.  He had his time in the spotlight back in FE9, he does nothing particularly interesting with spotlight in FE10.  Give the focus to Micaiah  instead, make the entire game from her perspective.  

Just make him a NPC or antagonist at best.  

[Icelerate]

4 hours ago, Glaceon Mage said:

Remove the focus the game puts on Ike.  He had his time in the spotlight back in FE9, he does nothing particularly interesting with spotlight in FE10.  Give the focus to Micaiah  instead, make the entire game from her perspective.  

Just make him a NPC or antagonist at best.  

How about an option which story to follow in the second half of part three? This way you can play all the missions in Micaiah's perspective but if you'd prefer to play in Ike's perspective, which quite frankly most people would prefer, they can do that instead. 

[Magical Glace]

3 minutes ago, Icelerate said:

How about an option which story to follow in the second half of part three? This way you can play all the missions in Micaiah's perspective but if you'd prefer to play in Ike's perspective, which quite frankly most people would prefer, they can do that instead. 

Tbh, the main reason I say relegate Ike to enemy/NPC is that he's less interesting than a jar of dirt as a protagonist in FE10, so so long as I can not play as him ever I'm good.

[Icelerate]

27 minutes ago, Glaceon Mage said:

Tbh, the main reason I say relegate Ike to enemy/NPC is that he's less interesting than a jar of dirt as a protagonist in FE10, so so long as I can not play as him ever I'm good.

In my scenario, you'd still be forced to play him for the first part of part three. 

[NinjaMonkey]

I wouldn't, it's fine as it is.

[Icelerate]

13 minutes ago, NinjaMonkey said:

I wouldn't, it's fine as it is.

I thought you wanted the LEA in part three? 

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

Okay so I've taken some time to really type out my thoughts.

So first things first: I would split the game into 5 parts rather than 4, the split occuring in what is now Part 3. The overall story is fantastic but it could use some expansion (I know it's a huge game already and I'm making it longer lol). Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one.

Overall

Supports are a big issue most people have and is something I would definitely add. Supports are a must when developing relationships between characters and should amount to more than a quick little quip on the battlefield. I want these characters to converse, to get to know each other and assist in letting the player get to know them too! 

Another big issue this game has is an abundance of unneeded characters *cough* Meg *cough*. While I'm not sure if character cuts are needed I would at least make all of them unique and stand out among the rest of the cast. Also make them useful if you're going to include them.

Part 1

So the DB chapters are known as the toughest in the game but honestly they're some of my favorites despite that. Micaiah is, to date, my absolute favorite Lord but I do understand why some people dislike her - she's simply not developed well enough and the whole of the DB suffer this problem.

First I would make it take longer before Micaiah and the others find Pelleas. This would allow some time for you to get to know the core of the DB better, the core being Micaiah, Sothe, Nolan, Edward, Leonardo, Ilyana, and Aran. I would use these chapters to really establish the sorry state that Daein's in after the last war and to help the player get to know these characters as people before moving on to Daein's Liberation and subsequent victory.

When they finally do move on to the desert, gain the wolves, and find Pelleas it could pretty much go exactly the way it did already. They find Nailah, Volug, and Rafiel and then go on to discover Pelleas and Izuka. There is one thing I would change though: Izuka shouldn't just hand over control to Micaiah so willingly, there should be some major clashes there and some doubt on Micaiah's part because she's expressed her doubts at being a leader of an army.

After meeting them and continuing on with the liberation of Daein, I would do some expansion on Daein as a whole. We really don't get to know much about the country or the difficulty of the battles and I'd like to be able to participate in more of them. It would really help feel like the player is making a difference as opposed to just listening to a narrator tell you what places your army has supposedly taken. This would be a good place to show some major clashes between Micaiah, the DB, and Izuka as well as show lingering doubts Micaiah has in terms of leading an army. Sothe touches on this  but it would be a good chance to delve into her backstory some and foreshadow future events involving Izuka and Micaiah. Let Micaiah make mistakes in this chapter. She's brand new to this (leading the DB was just a really small scale thing and nothing like leading an army) and show those mistakes costing them. Show her taking advice from Tauroneo and Sothe and let Izuka have some good plans that don't involve how "nefarious" he is, he's a strategist for a reason and was apparently capable of tricking them all despite screaming "HEY I'M EVIL" to the player. This would be a good time to go over some of Daein's history and really foreshadow the role the Blood Pact will play later (which I will touch on as I continue).

I really like the Black Knight's inclusion in this. He retains a sense of mystery in these chapters and really leaves you wondering why he seems to respect Micaiah as much as he does. I wouldn't change that. I wouldn't cut any of the chapters we play leading up to the end of Part 1 either. One thing I would change is add a cutscene before Part 1 endgame showing the destruction that Jarod is unleashing on Nevassa. Apart from that I would like it to be showed more the struggle that the Liberation faces in that it can't go up against the Begnion forces all out but the Begnion forces don't want to go all out against the Liberation either because that lends credence to their movement. That's a more realistic tilt to these sorts of situations and I feel that it should be handled with a bit heavier hand than it was in the actual game. I love that Sanaki and Sephiran had to come and settle things to save face for their empire, it's just much more realistic than a ragtag band of soldiers and regular people wresting control from Begnion.

Part 2

So this is the part that I feel would require the most work in terms of the story. As well written as it is, Part 2 does absolutely nothing to advance the story of RD and only accomplishes reintroducing the GM by the end of it. Sure it's got some great development for Elincia and Lucia and it introduces the OPness that is Haar but that can be accomplished while still giving Part 2 a role to play in the overall story.

I've mentioned before that the whole civil war thing should be changed to a series of small skirmishes between the border towns of Daein and Crimea. This is a conflict that neither side wants and so Elincia and Micaiah need to figure out a way to stop these fights before it escalates into a full blown battle. This could be for a number of reasons but the most likely one is that after the whole Mad King's War, the people of Crimea do not want Daein to be its own country again and - out of fear or other reasons - decide they're gonna take matters into their own hands. Ludveck could still be a cause for this if we want to keep him in, helping to encourage hostilities. Because this would be an effort to help keep the conflict from escalating, we could get some really good development time for Micaiah and Elincia as well as the parties surrounding them - so Lucia, Geoffrey, Pelleas, etc.

On the Daein side, Izuka would not have left yet and would be continuing to lead Pelleas astray. I do this to help farther foreshadow the whole blood pact issue and all that fun stuff (and maybe we even see Izuka tricking Pelleas into signing it here). Micaiah, as the general, would argue against using the full might of the recovering military and insist on taking a small number of units to try and talk this out (training the DB anyone?) and keep Daein from getting involved in what would amount to another full scale war while still protecting the citizens on the border.

As for Crimea, Elincia would likely send a few select knights to try and quell the fighting and convince her people to stop attacking. Brom and company can be the ones to deliver the news to her just like they did in the original. Of course once she hears of the leader of the Daein army making her way there I think Elincia might decide to make a personal appearance to try and resolve this without going into full combat. It should be discovered together that Ludveck is the one increasing tensions (and perhaps his followers purposely causing conflicts by attacking), leading to Elincia and Micaiah temporarily joining forces to stop Ludveck and keep their countries from going to war. Considering that Micaiah and Elincia don't interact once in the whole game this would be a chance for them to get to know each other.

Ludveck could keep his same motivations, intending to use an impending war to discredit Elincia and take the throne and he could still capture Lucia in this, leading to a rescue from the GMs. This could help give Elincia a more prominent role in Part 3 and 4, which I know many people want, while still moving the whole blood pact plot forward and at the end of this we see Izuka leave Daein.

At the end of this Micaiah and Elincia can leave having actually interacted some, and Part 3 can begin.

Part 3

Now it's important to say here that I'm splitting Part 3 in two, giving the game basically 5 parts instead of 4. This part 3 follows Ike and the GM and the LA until Daein joins in the fighting.

Honestly I like Part 3 for what it is. A bunch of OP people kicking Begnion's BUTTS. Also Tibarn and Skrimir. They're here. That's always awesome. I think Tormod and the others should join back in at this part, helping the LA because Laguz rights! My biggest problem I think is that Ike doesn't get much development here so I would like to see that in some way. Don't get me wrong, Ike is awesome, and I think this could easily be fixed by adding supports and more conversations. I would like to add more LA fighting though. Because it's epic. You get to see Daein enter the war in the last chapter of Part 3 now at the very end and then Part 4 starts.

Part 4!

Here's where all the interesting stuff starts to happen. Daein enters the war, completely taking everyone by surprise, stalling the LA as they attempt to retreat, and causing general chaos. While I don't mind the switching between armies, I feel that it should focus more on Micaiah and the DB than Ike and the LA + GM. She's the main character of this and benefits from the spotlight far more than Ike does. The general story should stay basically the same, just be told from more of a Micaiah centered view than an Ike centered one, switching over to Ike for important things like Sanaki escaping and the whole issue with the CRK in that chapter.

This would drastically help Micaiah's characterization as she wins some battles and the LA wins some (effectively nerfing Soren because he should not win every single battle he's in) and show her internal struggle with her actions as she knows they're morally not right but also knowing that she has to help her country, lest they die. Pelleas should not be killed and be forced to face the consequences of not reading what's right in front of his face, but should also be shown learning how to become a better ruler through these events. This would also allow more battlefield conversations between the GMs and the DBs and I feel like Ike and Micaiah and Soren and Micaiah could have some interesting conversations about these events. We know that Ike and the LA are technically in the right but by focusing more on Micaiah and her struggles it casts her in less of a villainous light. Also it helps her catch up to the GMs who would start out at a higher level anyway.

Part 4 ends with the big battle between Ike's forces and Micaiah's with Lehran's Medallion being galdr'd.

Part 5

There will be one big change to Part 5 (previously Part 4): Micaiah will not be Yune's human puppet. She should have her own form or take over someone else and call that person Yune's puppet. I would let the group travel together for a couple of chapters before splitting into thirds, I feel like we don't get enough time with everyone together as a group or enough backstory about Ashera and Yune. This would also allow supports that were previously impossible (such as Ike x Elincia for those shippers). The split works fine I just wouldn't have Ranulf reveal the Black Knight's identity there. The travel through the tower to the end is handled well too. The main change would also come at the end. Micaiah, no longer Yune's vessel, would be capable of landing the final blow on Ashera just like Ike and they should share the spotlight at the end for taking her down. Many would probably still use Ike to do it but at least the option would be there.

 

 

Okay I know that was long and I probably left lots of stuff out so if you have any questions feel free to ask me! Or share your own ideas!

Edited November 3, 2017 by Silver-Haired Maiden

[Icelerate]

I like these ideas. Problem with part one was that Nolan, who is supposed to be the leader of the Dawn Brigade, got overshadowed by Micaiah too quickly. Also, Tauroneo should be made the true leader of the Liberation army with Micaiah as a mere figurehead. She'll eventually prove herself worthy but not without overshadowing him. In the original game, it feels like she's running the entire show. More battles would be nice since most are off panelled. 

I do like the idea of Ludveck invading Daein. Mangs once suggested this idea but at that time I was opposed to it because he said that Begnion would come to help out Daein so that Daein would support them later on instead of a blood pact. Daein doesn't need Begnion's military support and it wouldn't make much sense since they just fought each other. I do like the idea of Elincia suppressing the uprising and then stopping Ludveck alongside the Daein army. Also, make it so that Ludveck is on Begnion's payroll and that Izuka defects to Ludveck because he'll allow Izuka to experiment on Laguz unlike Pelleas and Micaiah. This would better connect part one and part two because right now the connection is meagre at best. 

BTW do Elincia and Micaiah ever have one conversation together in the actual game? I don't think so because they were never on the battlefield on the same side or against each other barring end game. I brought Elincia to the endgame but I don't remember her interacting with Micaiah. 

[SavageVolug]

Make Nolan the leader of the DB instead of Micaiah, make part 1 a little longer. Have part 4 be about taking down the Senate and their forces in the Begnion capital instead of Asherah totally derailing the whole plot not too mention her pulling a tactic from the White Witch's guidebook (turning everyone to stone). Tormod joins Ike along with the laguz alliance,  bring Hattari into the story more somehow that place sounds pretty cool along with Phoenicias and those places we never visit whereas every other location including Goldoa we do.

[DefyingFates]

There were only two glaring issues I had with Radiant Dawn and you covered them pretty well @Silver-Haired Maiden (P.S. I love your username and profile pic, where did you get it?!)

Ahem.

Anyway, my two major problems were that Micaiah is too scared to look for loopholes once she finds out about the blood pact. Sothe actually lampshades this before the oil incident, and it would have been nice for her to pretend to fight Ike and accidentally blockade the wrong path or something before the senator overseeing her gets suspicious, which is when she pulls the oil stunt out of desperation to get quick results.

My second complaint is that not only does Ike steal Micaiah's glory at the last second, he gets to be the one to appease Yune despite Micaiah being the one connected to her her entire life. My alteration to this would be that Micaiah stays in control and either her or Ike can deal the final blow - maybe she'd infuse Ragnell with Light Magic (and Yune's power) so the same cutscene could play for both possibilities. Then Micaiah is the one who talks to Yune (seriously, this would been a culmination of her entire life!) and Ike only keeps his line about Yune being their inspiration.

Related to the above, I'd edit the poem about Ike at the end so that it doesn't imply he "cured a goddess' madness" by himself. Keep the stuff about PoR, but use weaker language for the second verse to show he was only part of the solution.

---

With my major issues aside, I liked the implication at the start of Act 1 that Micaiah was more of a mascot for the DB, with Nolan being the boss but Micaiah being the one everyone recognises, and I would have liked to see more of that, both with the DB and the Daein army in the second half of Act 1.

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

18 hours ago, Icelerate said:

I like these ideas. Problem with part one was that Nolan, who is supposed to be the leader of the Dawn Brigade, got overshadowed by Micaiah too quickly. Also, Tauroneo should be made the true leader of the Liberation army with Micaiah as a mere figurehead. She'll eventually prove herself worthy but not without overshadowing him. In the original game, it feels like she's running the entire show. More battles would be nice since most are off panelled. 

I do like the idea of Ludveck invading Daein. Mangs once suggested this idea but at that time I was opposed to it because he said that Begnion would come to help out Daein so that Daein would support them later on instead of a blood pact. Daein doesn't need Begnion's military support and it wouldn't make much sense since they just fought each other. I do like the idea of Elincia suppressing the uprising and then stopping Ludveck alongside the Daein army. Also, make it so that Ludveck is on Begnion's payroll and that Izuka defects to Ludveck because he'll allow Izuka to experiment on Laguz unlike Pelleas and Micaiah. This would better connect part one and part two because right now the connection is meagre at best. 

BTW do Elincia and Micaiah ever have one conversation together in the actual game? I don't think so because they were never on the battlefield on the same side or against each other barring end game. I brought Elincia to the endgame but I don't remember her interacting with Micaiah. 

Thank you! While I see your point with Nolan and Tauroneo I feel that it would need to be handled carefully so we don't get another Part 3 and 4 Ike situation where Micaiah is overshadowed as the main character. Her biggest issue in the game is that she's consistently overshadowed as the main character and so she misses out on vital development.

Ludveck trying to start another war with Daein would be a nice change to the initial storyline while keeping a villain and events that many people like. It would also allow Micaiah and Elincia to converse (no they don't interact even once in the original game. Not once). As for the whole Izuka thing, that makes a lot of sense but should probably happen right at the end of it, after it shows him convincing Pelleas to sign the blood pact.

11 hours ago, SavageVolug said:

Make Nolan the leader of the DB instead of Micaiah, make part 1 a little longer. Have part 4 be about taking down the Senate and their forces in the Begnion capital instead of Asherah totally derailing the whole plot not too mention her pulling a tactic from the White Witch's guidebook (turning everyone to stone). Tormod joins Ike along with the laguz alliance,  bring Hattari into the story more somehow that place sounds pretty cool along with Phoenicias and those places we never visit whereas every other location including Goldoa we do.

While Nolan is technically the leader of the DB, Micaiah is far more recognizable due to her powers and she's the one that constantly gets them out of tough spots. So while I understand where that's coming from, again it would need to be handled very carefully.

As for changing up part 4, while that makes sense I don't know if the Senate is a big enough enemy to warrant Ike, the laguz, the CRK, and the DB. A goddess on the other hand... I completely agree with the rest of it, I would love to see more about Hatari and the bird tribe lands, it's just difficult to find places to fit them in.

2 hours ago, DefyingFates said:

There were only two glaring issues I had with Radiant Dawn and you covered them pretty well @Silver-Haired Maiden (P.S. I love your username and profile pic, where did you get it?!)

Ahem.

Anyway, my two major problems were that Micaiah is too scared to look for loopholes once she finds out about the blood pact. Sothe actually lampshades this before the oil incident, and it would have been nice for her to pretend to fight Ike and accidentally blockade the wrong path or something before the senator overseeing her gets suspicious, which is when she pulls the oil stunt out of desperation to get quick results.

My second complaint is that not only does Ike steal Micaiah's glory at the last second, he gets to be the one to appease Yune despite Micaiah being the one connected to her her entire life. My alteration to this would be that Micaiah stays in control and either her or Ike can deal the final blow - maybe she'd infuse Ragnell with Light Magic (and Yune's power) so the same cutscene could play for both possibilities. Then Micaiah is the one who talks to Yune (seriously, this would been a culmination of her entire life!) and Ike only keeps his line about Yune being their inspiration.

Related to the above, I'd edit the poem about Ike at the end so that it doesn't imply he "cured a goddess' madness" by himself. Keep the stuff about PoR, but use weaker language for the second verse to show he was only part of the solution.

---

With my major issues aside, I liked the implication at the start of Act 1 that Micaiah was more of a mascot for the DB, with Nolan being the boss but Micaiah being the one everyone recognises, and I would have liked to see more of that, both with the DB and the Daein army in the second half of Act 1.

I'm glad you think so! (Also thank you so much, I got the picture from Tumblr but cannot remember the artist. I think it's in the original, I can send it to you if you like! ^.^)

While I certainly agree about that I think it could have been covered with something as simple as "Begnion has spies everywhere and so we can't sneak around to do this." Also I feel like Micaiah gets way too much flak for her decision with the oil. It's not something a regular FE lord would do but you can literally SEE how conflicted she is about it and the weight it puts on her to have to resort to such tactics. It should be touched on again later though, that I agree on.

Micaiah in Part 4 is one of my biggest issues with the entirety of the game. There are multiple ways to solve it and my proposal was just one. I'd still like to see Micaiah take a far more active part in Part 4 and I don't feel like she could do that while still containing Yune. The end alterations I agree with wholeheartedly. Ike got his game, this should be about Micaiah with Ike taking a supporting role in this.

Ike's ending is my other big issue with this game. He just leaves?? No. I would edit the ending poem too, this isn't something Ike did on his own and it shouldn't be passed off as he did. He had tons of help in this one.

[DefyingFates]

Yes please, thank you!

To clarify, I don't have an issue with the oil itself: as you said, it's clear how desperate she is and how terrible she feels about it. It's just a matter of "Show, don't tell," I guess: I wish IS had shown her search for alternatives instead of her just telling us there was no other option (and this is about her passiveness in general, not the oil incident in particular).

As for Ike leaving, while it's a weird decision but I can kinda understand why he'd do it (that he'd disappear without a trace is where I find fault). Besides, FEA kinda resolves this issue so at least that's some sort of closure?

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

13 hours ago, DefyingFates said:

Yes please, thank you!

To clarify, I don't have an issue with the oil itself: as you said, it's clear how desperate she is and how terrible she feels about it. It's just a matter of "Show, don't tell," I guess: I wish IS had shown her search for alternatives instead of her just telling us there was no other option (and this is about her passiveness in general, not the oil incident in particular).

As for Ike leaving, while it's a weird decision but I can kinda understand why he'd do it (that he'd disappear without a trace is where I find fault). Besides, FEA kinda resolves this issue so at least that's some sort of closure?

Oh definitely. Of course I feel like making Micaiah the focus of it instead of Ike woud really help the whole "show don't tell" thing in many ways. Honestly the whole thing with the oil is one of my favorite scenes in the game, I really wish they had taken more time developing it.

As for Ike leaving it's one of my biggest issues because it feels so out of character for him. I get him wanting to travel some and that would be fine but he literally just leaves Mist and the whole of the GMs (barring Soren if you get that ending) behind! The whole thing in FE:A doesn't fix that because it feels so wrong to begin with. They're his family, he says as much and truly cares about them... I would change it, but that's just me.

[Troykv]

13 minutes ago, Silver-Haired Maiden said:

Oh definitely. Of course I feel like making Micaiah the focus of it instead of Ike woud really help the whole "show don't tell" thing in many ways. Honestly the whole thing with the oil is one of my favorite scenes in the game, I really wish they had taken more time developing it.

As for Ike leaving it's one of my biggest issues because it feels so out of character for him. I get him wanting to travel some and that would be fine but he literally just leaves Mist and the whole of the GMs (barring Soren if you get that ending) behind! The whole thing in FE:A doesn't fix that because it feels so wrong to begin with. They're his family, he says as much and truly cares about them... I would change it, but that's just me.

I had always have the idea Ike just was unable to deal with the idea of being a living legend, and decide to leave Tellius to be "just a Mercanary" again and explore the world.

Oh, and Silver, I enjoyed your ideas... I had randomly think using one of the female brainwashed enemies in Part 4 Prologue would be ended up spare for Yune's request, and be used as her puppet.

Edited November 5, 2017 by Troykv

[DefyingFates]

7 minutes ago, Troykv said:

I had always have the idea Ike just was unable to deal with the idea of being a living legend, and decide to leave Tellius to be "just a Mercanary" again and explore the world.

Huh. I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. @Silver-Haired Maiden, I agree with you too: I wish his epilogue had added that "he came home many years later a wiser man" or something to that effect.

(P.S. I'm especially fond of the ending of the oil scene, particularly Sothe and Ike's parts.)

[blah the Prussian]

I wouldn't change Part 1 that much. The main changes I'd make: play up the racism of Daein rebels, and explore the idea that Micaiah is increasingly unable to control her movement. I'd also change Jarrod to make him not so cartoonishly evil; for example, as the Dawn Brigade are fleeing he gives the civilians full warning that lethal force will be used if they do not step aside. I have always held that Daein should have remained occupied, but whatever. I think an interesting arc for Jarrod would be having him be impacted by the DB's guerrilla war in a similar way to how Vietnam impacted US soldiers; he's increasingly frustrated by his inability to pacify the country, and over the course of Part 1 goes from an honorable soldier just doing his job to the man who orders Nevassa fired on. Finally, I'd make Micaiah only gain victory with the help of some Ashnard loyalists, led probably by a new character, who hate Laguz and have a lot of influence in the newly free Daein.

I've also made my opinions on the Black Knight clear in other threads(I don't like him) but assuming he is in the game the best thing the story can do is not whitewash him. The Black Knight in POR is an evil person who kills Greil because he feels like it. Thus, if you must include the BK in this game, make him a major antagonist. So in Part 1 he shows up to save Micaiah but then leaves(this is also so the player can't just cheat through Chapter 10).

Part 2 is overall fine. I agree Silver Haired Maiden here; it should be longer and really introduce Elincia as co-protagonist of the game. I'd also say she should be making more decisions, so we can see her decision making process grow into genuine competence. Finally, the defense chapter should be the second to last chapter of the story, and Ludveck shouldn't be the boss. When Elincia decides not to surrender for Lucia's life, Lucia should actually die. This gives meaning to Elincia's choice. The endgame, then, is Elincia, in a rage, leading the Royal Knights out to smash the rebels where she and Geoffrey kick Ludveck's ass.

So, a big problem here is the need to keep Ike from being the main character and the need to have him in the plot as it doesn't make sense for him to just not be there. So yes, the Greil Mercenaries do join the Laguz Alliance, but the initial stages of the war happen offscreen, until Pelleas, under the influence of General Evilman, decides to join the war to kill the Laguz. YOU DON'T NEED A BLOOD PACT HERE; make Daein's leadership go to war of their own accord, because they want to kill Laguz. This makes the liberation of Daein more ambiguous, and also explores themes about the drawbacks of Revolution. Part 3 focuses on the Dawn Brigade joining the Central Army in pushing back the Laguz Alliance. Have Micaiah and Zelgius meet, build up a relationship. Don't make Zelgius be a little bitch; if he's going to secretly be the Black Knight, what's his plan when the executioner's axe bounces off of him because he's vulnerable to everything but Ragnell? These scenes can also be an opportunity for more world building about Begnion society, politics, the role of the Empress, and the Begnion civil war. Anyway, Part Three ends with Micaiah decisively defeating the Laguz Alliance army, forcing them into Crimea and- and this is going to be controversial- killing Soren. 

Part 4 begins with Elincia receiving a message from Valtome demanding that the Imperial Army be let into Crimea. After a fighting retreat that takes several chapters, they get to the Crimean capitol, where Sanaki arrives and does her thing where she splits the Begnion army; the commoners generally join the Empress while the nobility join the Senate. Valtome retreats from Crimea, as the Senate fights the Monarchists, but General Evilman wants to occupy Crimea. The Daein army is pushed back and Elincia orders the invasion of Daein to defeat Evilman. In the second to last chapter Evilman is killed, and Micaiah's faction takes over court; however, a mysterious figure(revealed to be the Black Knight) kills Pelleas, and the Daein army blames Elincia, while in the Crimean and Laguz camp Ike still wants revenge for the death of Soren. So there's a battle similar to the Part Three endgame that ends in much the same way. 

For what will be here Part Five, a few things. First, don't make Yune good; make too much order and too much chaos bad. Make Yune reflect the dark side of Micaiah's personality, and her character arc be focused on using Yune's power without being consumed by it. The march to the Tower of whatever goes similar; the Black Knight is still evil and his motive is to judge society for treating him as a outcast for being branded. Don't redeem Sephiran. Make Sephiran reveal himself as the big bad at the beginning of part Five so the cast has the chance to properly react. Micaiah has to strike the final blow against Yune. The game ends with them being combined, this time focused on the idea that it represents some structure while still allowing people some freedom. So that's how I fix Radiant Dawn.

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

While I do like your changes to Jarrod, I must say I really disagree about the whole line with Daein being the bad guys once again. They were the bad guys in PoR, and making them the bad guys two games in a row? I don't like that. Part of what I liked about RD was how it showed that you have good and bad in every country, making Daein the big bads again just undermines that whole premise. Sure the Daein people are racist and they don't mind joining the war against the laguz but the simple fact remains that Daein was still rebuilding from years of their country being reduced to ruin - stated in RD. They shouldn't be getting involved in a war to begin with and one guy couldn't change that without some major power over the leaders of the country. There's too many people in high positions to challenge that - Micaiah, Sothe, Tauroneo. Even Almedha for as much as I don't like her, and Pelleas who didn't want to get involved in another war either! With as weak willed as he is he stood up to a Begnion Senator until he literally had no other options and that's really what it would take and why the blood pact was a thing to begin with. It wasn't handled well but in my reading it seems people have less of a problem with the blood pact itself and more of an issue with how it was handled.

(Also I'd like to point out that Zelgius isn't wearing the Black Knight's armor in that part of the game and even if he was its stated that particular blessing is no longer on the armor, allowing him to be killed by weapons other than Ragnell)

Also genuine clap for you killing off Soren. Seriously, I've stated before that I think the game would be better without him in it. I still don't think Micaiah and Daein should be demonized in yet another game to accomplish that though.

Now your idea surrounding Yune and Ashera is interesting, but Micaiah is not a goddess and your changes there make her read like a goddess. If people had an issue with her powers before that would just take it to another level. Those two work better as individual goddesses and Yune taking over Micaiah in the first place is generally considered a bad move by everyone who has played the game. I do think it would be cool to explore that they're really just order and chaos and neither of them is good or inherently evil, which is touched on but never really explored, and Sephiran... I don't know, I like that he's redeemable. Perhaps a bit too late, but he can still be convinced to change his mind. But again, more exploration of the two goddesses would be nice. They could even be compared to sides of Micaiah's personality but not be actual sides to her personality.

[blah the Prussian]

9 hours ago, Silver-Haired Maiden said:

While I do like your changes to Jarrod, I must say I really disagree about the whole line with Daein being the bad guys once again. They were the bad guys in PoR, and making them the bad guys two games in a row? I don't like that. Part of what I liked about RD was how it showed that you have good and bad in every country, making Daein the big bads again just undermines that whole premise. Sure the Daein people are racist and they don't mind joining the war against the laguz but the simple fact remains that Daein was still rebuilding from years of their country being reduced to ruin - stated in RD. They shouldn't be getting involved in a war to begin with and one guy couldn't change that without some major power over the leaders of the country. There's too many people in high positions to challenge that - Micaiah, Sothe, Tauroneo. Even Almedha for as much as I don't like her, and Pelleas who didn't want to get involved in another war either! With as weak willed as he is he stood up to a Begnion Senator until he literally had no other options and that's really what it would take and why the blood pact was a thing to begin with. It wasn't handled well but in my reading it seems people have less of a problem with the blood pact itself and more of an issue with how it was handled.

(Also I'd like to point out that Zelgius isn't wearing the Black Knight's armor in that part of the game and even if he was its stated that particular blessing is no longer on the armor, allowing him to be killed by weapons other than Ragnell)

Also genuine clap for you killing off Soren. Seriously, I've stated before that I think the game would be better without him in it. I still don't think Micaiah and Daein should be demonized in yet another game to accomplish that though.

Now your idea surrounding Yune and Ashera is interesting, but Micaiah is not a goddess and your changes there make her read like a goddess. If people had an issue with her powers before that would just take it to another level. Those two work better as individual goddesses and Yune taking over Micaiah in the first place is generally considered a bad move by everyone who has played the game. I do think it would be cool to explore that they're really just order and chaos and neither of them is good or inherently evil, which is touched on but never really explored, and Sephiran... I don't know, I like that he's redeemable. Perhaps a bit too late, but he can still be convinced to change his mind. But again, more exploration of the two goddesses would be nice. They could even be compared to sides of Micaiah's personality but not be actual sides to her personality.

Well, I do fundamentally oppose the Blood Pact, because I find it to be pretty ridiculous; if this kind of power exists, all it would take is one gullible monarch and one good con man. I'm open to altering the idea of a revanchist movement in Daein, though, and making it simply Begnion influence over Daein, although I do think that there should be some support for it. More generally, though, I would want to explore the idea of Micaiah having to work with evil people to achieve her goals, because that's what all guerrilla movements end up being; for every Free Syrian Army you have an ISIS. I also don't see how having Daein kill Soren is demonizing them; he's an enemy combatant,

[Kalken]

The Blood Pact is there to force Ike and Micaiah's armies to fight without either side being the villain. Since Ike and Micaiah fighting ultimately wasn't really relevant (nobody from either party died besides Pelleas unless you play again, their fighting and Micaiah's atrocities being brushed off with "WE GOT TO FIGHT TOGETHER"), I recommend scrapping them going to war and just have Daein invade Begnion while its busy against the Laguz.

[Silver-Haired Maiden]

3 hours ago, blah the Prussian said:

Well, I do fundamentally oppose the Blood Pact, because I find it to be pretty ridiculous; if this kind of power exists, all it would take is one gullible monarch and one good con man. I'm open to altering the idea of a revanchist movement in Daein, though, and making it simply Begnion influence over Daein, although I do think that there should be some support for it. More generally, though, I would want to explore the idea of Micaiah having to work with evil people to achieve her goals, because that's what all guerrilla movements end up being; for every Free Syrian Army you have an ISIS. I also don't see how having Daein kill Soren is demonizing them; he's an enemy combatant,

Well the blood pact wasn't well developed. At all. Personally I think that could be explained as easily as only one or two people know how to construct the magic that makes the blood pact work. Besides that, Micaiah having to work with evil people to achieve her goals just doesn't seem to be in her character. If she knows someone is evil then she'd need some real motivation to work with them because she is, at her heart, a good person that dislikes war. And it would demonize them because Soren is everyone's baby (except mine for some reason).

6 minutes ago, Kalken said:

The Blood Pact is there to force Ike and Micaiah's armies to fight without either side being the villain. Since Ike and Micaiah fighting ultimately wasn't really relevant (nobody from either party died besides Pelleas unless you play again, their fighting and Micaiah's atrocities being brushed off with "WE GOT TO FIGHT TOGETHER"), I recommend scrapping them going to war and just have Daein invade Begnion while its busy against the Laguz.

This could work but again you have the issue of Daein rebuilding after so long under subjugation. They'd still be building their military strength, rebuilding cities, etc. They wouldn't really have the resources to go to war. Ergo, blood pact, though it was handled awfully.

[Acacia Sgt]

There are various way I think I would rewrite the story, not all of them compatible with each other.

To give an example, here's how I would rewrite the whole "Daein helps Begnion" thing of Part 3. It's even Blood Pact compatible for those that would care about it. I don't, would remove it altogether.

Anyway, Part 1 reveals Sanaki was not aware about what the Imperial Occupation Army was doing to Daein. And the Senate, naturally, lies they weren't either. Anyway, what I would do is that once everything is said and done, Sanaki (I would think she has not yet to "disappear" before the end Part 1, and if not, then it just gets delayed to until after Part 1 is over) would make a deal with Pelleas that, as reparations for the deeds the IOA did, Begnion itself would provide the bulk of the rebuilding the country back to its feet, perhaps even to little or not cost. After all, Daein would need funds and resources to get back on its feet, something they may not be able to aquire on their own.

Anyway, fast-forward to Part 3, the war begins. Begnion may or may not be capable of keep helping Daein out since it has to concentrate on the war, but the Senate being the Senate would use this to their advantage, stopping the reparations anyway and delivering messages to Daein that because of the Laguz, they can't afford to keep sending aid. Remember, messenger-killing aside, it was the Laguz the ones who declared war and were the aggressors at first, with Begnion on the defensive. So, for the common Daein citizen, already carrying baggage with their laguz prejudice, start to really blame it on the Laguz their aid got cut-off, making rebuilding Daein slowing down and becoming harder. As Part 3 develops those feeling stew across Daein. Then, the Senate pulls Step 2, and declare they can send aid once more, but on the condition Daein in return helps them out in the war, since it would stave off the preassure on Begnion to free up resources for other things, like the reparations. Pelleas may or may not think it's a good idea to get involved in the war (if the Blood Pact is kept, just do it like the game, only instead Lekain uses it as insurance, while the official/public word is about resuming the reparations in exchange for help), but the people of Daein are now in the point of wanting to get involved. If it's needed to make it more believable, I'd also make it so that the Senate cutting off the aid really made a big negative impact on Daein's reconstruciton (it's not like Daein could really seek help elsewhere; they wouldn't ask the Laguz, and Crimea was weary of seeing Daein rise again). Pelleas would still be too meek to say no to his people, not to mention, the reparations were a big help and he too would be glad if they can resume, so he think it is for the best. And Micaiah, as always, places her duty above her feelings. After this, things can go mostly like in the game. Even if Begnion's civil war by 3-10 cuts off aid again, the people of Daein are too involved with their bigotry and believing the Senate's lies (remember, the 3-11 boss showed they too considered Sanaki a false Apostle and considered her a traitor for siding with the laguz; well, the falst apostle thing was true, but that's not the point) that it's already too late to tell them to back down (of course, the Blood Pact if it's kept would also still be a thing, at least for Pelleas and Micaiah). Or maybe, they only think the people Daein wouldn't comply, and don't think trying wouldn't make things worse.

As an aside, these changes would serve as a lesson for those two. That as leaders, they sometimes have to do things their people may not want, but it's for their best. And that giving in too much on what the people want instead of being more firm on saying "no", it could backfire.

And well, that's just one way I'd rewrite Part 3.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Acacia Sgt

[blah the Prussian]

I agree with pretty much everything Acacia has said. I'd like to add before I forget to scrap the whole "Micaiah is the true Apostle" thing. It was pointless.

[Shoblongoo]

I woudn't change a thing about the story, tbh. I think its perfect as written.

What I would do is extend it. And by that I mean I'd make the next installment in the franchise a return to Tellius; doing to FE9-10 what Awakening did to FE 1-3.

Taking the setting far into the future. Looking at the world that has been built in the millennia since the hero of ancient legend; how the old tales have been revered and what has been made of their legacy.

And of course; storywise Kurthnaga=Tiki.

Its a bold new world. But Kurthnaga is still alive, all grown up, and ready to kick it with the new cast thousands of years after the events of Radiant Dawn.

...because dragons...

Edited November 11, 2017 by Shoblongoo