Midnight Torch Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 74% I've heard this one so many times, but at least yours has a stool. What does a guy get when he steps on his girlfriend? He gets a crush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 4/10 That was... awful. But jokes are supposed to be that way. Why did the farmer get a promotion? Because he was out standing in his field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 Heh, I like puns. 8/10. Another farm joke: What did the magic tractor do? Spoiler It turned into a field! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 14, 2017 Author Share Posted November 14, 2017 (edited) Bozhe moi... 10/10. It is the year 1928. A father and his son are observing the changing of the guard at the tomb of Vladimir Lenin. The son asks, "Papa, why are there so many soldiers in front of Comrade Lenin's tomb?" The father replies, "Don't you remember what they say all the time - 'Lenin lived, Lenin lives now, Lenin will live forever' and all that? What if - God forbid - Lenin actually is alive and decides to walk out of the tomb?" Edited November 14, 2017 by Sigismund of Luxemburg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 Kinda funny, but, eh. 6/10. With Russia in mind... A man is visiting Russia with his girlfriend and it starts precipitating. The man thinks it is raining, while the woman thinks it is snowing. So, they approach a guard nearby named Rudolph. They ask him whether it is raining or snowing, and he says that it is raining. The man then turns to his girlfriend and says "See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 14, 2017 Author Share Posted November 14, 2017 Amazing! 100%. The year is 1955. In Leningrad, a man walks into a store. He asks the cashier, "You wouldn't happen to have meat, would you?" The cashier replies, "I'm afraid not, sir. We're a dairy store - we wouldn't happen to have milk. Across the street is the butchers' - there they wouldn't happen to have meat!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 A joke on the inefficiency of Communism, but I can't say I enjoy it. 6/10. Here's one you'll like: A soldier runs around his barracks saying his commander is an idiot. He is sent to the Gulag for 31 years - one for insulting a superior and thirty for revealing a state secret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 14, 2017 Author Share Posted November 14, 2017 Nice, nice! 10/10 The year is 1954. A political prisoner and an NKVD officer are conversing. "What sentence did they give you?" -- "Fifteen years." -- "For what?" -- "For nothing." -- "What a lie! For nothing they only give you five years." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 That one was pretty funny. 8/10. ... Those were my only Russian jokes. "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "To." "To who?" "You mean, 'to whom.'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mackc2 Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 Technicalatys are funny. 7/10 If ye does not like dark humour be warned Spoiler Where did Sally go when the bombs went off? Everywhere *knock knock Who's there Not sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcanite Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 The knock knock part was unnecessary, the first part was really all you needed, though I don't really like dark humor much 8/10 I guess What did the ocean say to the ocean shore? Nothing, it just waved! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 7/10 Really basic cheesy joke, but I was getting tired of Russian humor. What do you get when you drop a banjo down a mineshaft? A♭ minor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mackc2 Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 that joke works far better with a piano Whats Red and will kill you if it gets stuck in your teeth? A brick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Anti jokes are good, sometimes. 8/10. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Spoiler Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrymidfields Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 (edited) Now that's saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad "Doctor! Doctor! My wife's just broke a leg!" "But...I'm a Doctor of Music!" "That's fine. It's the piano leg." Edited November 15, 2017 by henrymidfields Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 16, 2017 Author Share Posted November 16, 2017 Good, good. 10. What do you get when you throw a piano into a barracks? A flat major. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 6/10. It's bad, but I chuckled a little. --- A man and a horse walk into a bar. The man pulls up a chair for the horse. The horse says "I'm a horse, dumbass, I don't need chairs." The man says, "Oh yeah, well if you're going to be that way, maybe we should seriously reconsider our relationship." The horse replies with "What the actual fuck, dude." Then a meteor crashes into the Earth and everyone dies, so this story is pointless and you should feel bad for reading it. The end. Go home and rethink your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DisobeyedCargo Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 0/10 booooooo! What do you call a pansexual named nick who works at a CD store? PanNick at the Disco. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 17, 2017 Author Share Posted November 17, 2017 Oh. Oh... Now I get it. 8/10. A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese … and here’s how we might classify these groups: • A brat of boys • A giggle of girls • A stagger of drunks • A tedium of accountants • A stitch of doctors • A whine of losers • A jerk of politicians Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randoman Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 It got a quite a good chuckle from me. 7/10 This meme may not be mainstream, but it does have a rather sizeable following on youtube: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 Dear me! 9/10. An actual set of screenshots from a bootleg of Pokemon Crystal: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I was thinking it was burnt off by grass, so I'm glad they clarified. 8/10. Ivan Pavlov walks into a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender takes the money, a bell rings in the cash register. Upon hearing this, Pavlov jumps up and runs out of the bar, exclaiming "Oh, crud! I forgot to feed the dogs!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 Oh the irony. 9/10 The Song of La Palice - a Renaissance Captain Obvious story (scroll down to the de la Monnoye version) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randoman Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 It's ridiculously redundant and obvious. Count me in! 8/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 I know what to torture people with now! 10/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.