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The FE Nonsense Story Thread - Now in Act V!


Stephen the Great
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...they dressed him up as Captain Underpants. In other words, he only wore his underwear and a curtain for a cape. They sent him to L'Arachel, who managed to quell the rebellion in Hong Kong by sending the pork statues to the newly independent Philippines packed in barrels. The Filipinos were outraged by this 'pork barrel scam' and declared war on Rausten. When she received Gangrel, her reaction was...

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... an anime character. He discarded his monocle and put on his blackglasses, tissues ready and curtains closed. However, he heard the sound of a blaring siren. He peeked and saw L'Arachel and her retainers in their police uniform barging inside his house. Panicking, Canas...

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...started searching for fossils in the desert, as he deemed it the most logical thing to do at the time.  However, in rushing to the desert, Canas caught a speeding ticket and was arrested by the aforementioned police, who would have arrested him anyways.

The cops, however, were able to procure the Hentai in Canas's possession, and started to...

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..."mass debate" about it. Canas escaped, swearing off hentai, and found the Helix Fossil in the desert. It guided him to the shrine where Apocalypse was guarded by Niime.

"Hey mom, can I borrow that?" He asked, so the old woman gave it to her son. He then asked Elice to resurrect Lord Helix, and she did. Lord Helix amassed a following among the continents, and his base of operations was the Philippines. L'Arachel disliked this upstart new religion, so she declared war on all followers of Helix. This caused Lucius to...

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... side with the Anarchy since Raven was part of it, as well as several others whose appearances were made possible by the consensus of the thread. They then roamed across the world to spread the word and recruit more people to join the Almighty Lord Helix. On the other hand, L'Arachel started to recruit more fresh squires in order to defeat the opposing force. One of the new recruits was...

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... King Vigarde, through a cable phone. After a few chit-chatting, he summoned Valter to rally Grado troops in order to eliminate the Democracy of Rausten. But Valter disobeyed his orders and flew to Renais instead, alone. There, Valter...

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... pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis while on a parade in Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch. Now when Valter heard of this, he went to the land of Äteritsiputeritsipuolilautatsijänkä in a plane run by Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein Airlines to clear his head while drinking Verkhnenovokutlumbetyevnaya vodka. 

Now when Lucina, sitting in the Gasselterboerveenschemond Restaurant in Azpilicuetagaraycosaroyarenberecolarrea, heard of this, her reaction was...

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... were part of the Anarchy campaign trying to recruit more people for 'His' cause. While they did recognize Roy, they weren't sure with the girl beside him whose skin is as pale as snow. They thought Lucina was having cold and Roy was there to save the girl from hypothermia, but it turned out that...

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...Roy and Lucina were making out. Klein and Tate then successfully recruited them to their cause, and they assembled an army in the Philippines to fight Rausten-controlled Hong Kong and über-L'Arachel. Donnel converts to Anarchy's cause after eating at Jollibee, and deciding it was better than his failed restaurant McDonnel's. Meanwhile, Percy...

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