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The FE Nonsense Story Thread - Now in Act V!


Stephen the Great
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...steak, as he was Ness from Earthbound. The princess he married was Paula.

Suddenly, an alien messenger teleported into the room. His name was Mark, and he came with a warning that the world was going to be invaded by aliens, led by the Earth Dragon King Medeus and...

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...beat the heck out of him because he wasn't their Mark. However, the Lyn Brigade all had Lyn's base strength, and Mark had 30 Defense. Go figure.

Fortunately, he was saved by the Percy Brigade, consisting of Percy, Percival, Percy Jackson, the Greek hero Perseus, and Percy Weasley from Harry Potter. The Percy Brigade won against the Lyn Brigade, so Medeus rallied his forces and decided to conscript a new brigade, this time, a Finn brigade, consisting of Jugdral Finn, Stormtrooper Finn, Finn the Human, and an alternate version of Finn the Human with ice powers.

Then he decided to conscript a Jake brigade to go with the Finn brigade, consisting of Archanea Jake, FE7 Jake, Jake the Dog, and the American Dragon Jake Long.

So the Hero-King Ness rallied his allies, including Mark Chang and a bunch of aliens from the fangame Mother: Cognitive Dissonance. They were aided by the Percy Brigade, Prince Xander, and an Arthur Brigade consisting of Artur, Arthur, King Arthur, and Arthur Read from Arthur. However, they were hindered by...

Edited by Purple Mage
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...Vogsphere. Medeus, realizing his mistake as the Vogons started to declaim their poetry, called in Emhyr var Emreis (who'd recently given his daughter Ciri the throne) who made use of a sword and some magic Ciri taught him to get rid of the annoying poet-torturers. Then Medeus, seeing that he was now free... 

Edited by Zawisza Czarny
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... invoking the War Measures Act for no reason, thereby beginning Act V. 

ACT IV ENDS - ACT V BEGINS

It occurred that Sigurd went to complain to Emhyr var Emreis about the Norwegian blue parrot Sigurd had bought from him, which was dead. var Emreis' reaction was to...

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...Immediately review the Norwegian Postal Service to see how they failed in such a simple task.

However, it turns out that the postal service was not at fault, and in truth the Norwegian blue parrot was murdered! To solve this case...

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..."Arvis, why don't you burn down some Twilight books for a change?" Arvis agrees with Sigurd's sentiments and stumbled upon a camp full of rabid Twilight fangirls (with immense stockpiles of each book in the series) and set it ablaze with his Valaflame and some help from Athos and his Forblaze. They were joined in their righteous act of arson by...

Edited by Purple Mage
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...The Pyro from TF2, although whether they joined because they were swayed by the (faux) holiness of the affair, or because they just wanted to light something on fire is anyones guess.

What they failed to take into account, however...

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...was the fact that the rabid fangirls were somehow smart enough to laminate their books beforehand as a failsafe, thus releasing toxic fumes of burning plastic into the surrounding air. Arvis and Athos were slowly suffocating due to this, but not the Pyro as he/she/it wore a gas mask. They were rescued immediately by...

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...The ironic fans of Twilight, who thought the book was a great comedy. As it turned out, the rabid fangirls had forgotten to wear gas-masks themselves, so the ones that weren't burned to death met their demise through suffocation of their own doing.

Arvis was still wanted for the murder of the Norwegian blue parrot, however. Indeed, after they were rescued, a bounty hunter snuck up on the group, and...

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... a field of dry long grass next to a rural fire station (much like a recent incident here). However, their fun was spoiled by the fact the response time was pretty short. Disheartened by their failure, they decided to target something no one would care about. Perhaps a stack of copies of...

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...Naruto manga. However, as soon as they started to burn the first book, a dark portal appeared, and swarming out of it was a combination of Naruto ninjas, MLP Ponies, and K-Pop band members. Calling themselves the Anschluss Army of Assimilation, they were led by a masked figure named Lord Anschluss (Who in reality was a version of Naruto who was the Son of Artemis AND was a Hogwarts Wizard AND was the Dragonborn AND was the Champion of all of the Pokémon regions AND the wielder of the Infinity Gauntlet. Oh, and he was also a pony.) and began turning people into Naruto worshippers, grown men into bronies, and most women and some men into rabid K-Pop fans.

Horrified, the three pyromaniacs called for the aid of...

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...stab Lord Anschluss in the heart. However, Lord Anschluss simply said "You should have aimed for the head." and snapped his left hoof, causing his wound to be instantly healed and the Panther Lance became a pencil. He then snapped his fingers once more, obtaining two more powerful objects: The Omnitrix and the Scribblenauts Notebook. Abel sighed and called upon the help of...

Edited by Purple Mage
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...RNGesus to give him a critical hit to end all critical hits. The critical hit landed with the force of a thousand exploding suns and vapourized the entirety of Philadelphia, where the battle was inexplicably taking place for some reason. However it was discovered as a result of this blow, the entire planet had been knocked out of orbit and was heading towards...

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...Uranus, the garbage dump of the entire solar system. Abel quickly swiped the Infinity Gauntlet off of Lord Anschluss's corpse, and used it to turn back time to when he struck his foe with a crit, but this time HE had the gauntlet. He used it once more to contain the explosion and send it off to remotely destroy any horcruxes Lord Anschluss might have made across the multiverse.

With the threat vanquished, Athos and Arvis combined their magical power to create a twelvefold seal on the AAA, and created two amulets to focus the power of the seal. Next, Arvis was given the Omnitrix while Athos was given the Scribblenauts Notebook, then Abel gave a lollipop to the Pyro, who enjoyed it a lot. Abel then warped away to farm some rice in the Philippines. Using these instruments to aid in their quest, the merry band of pyromaniacs went off to ignite some...

Edited by Purple Mage
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... Gaseous planets, like the aforementioned Uranus. However this had unforeseen consequences regarding the temperature of the universe. To combat this, the scribblenauts notebook was used to write into existence a...

Edited by Mad-manakete
ignorance
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