Sugarcoated Comments

[Frosty]

This is somewhat bugging me these days and is also the reason why I have, generally a very negative perspective on positive comments directed at me. Whenever I'm at my worst mood; there's always bound to be someone giving me sugarcoated comments.

I get their intents is to make me feel better but I can see right through their pleasant words is that they're being VERY dishonest to me. Don't understand what's the point of sugarcoating things if someone's performance/output is below the required criteria; or in other words, why sugarcoat something that is terribly done.

Edited April 15, 2018 by Frosty

[Dragoncat]

Can't say I've really had problems with these. But I have gotten downright rude comments. "You're 26 and this is the best you can do?" "Don't post things on the internet if you haven't mastered drawing." So be lucky you don't get those.

[eclipse]

Several reasons:

1. Good intentions, crappy delivery.
2. Some people will be nice to your face only.  Nothing you can do to change them, really.
3. Maybe they really do mean well, but you've convinced yourself that they're not being sincere.

Which of these (if any) is dependent on a bunch of things that only you would know.

[Re: The weirdo.]

If its a pain in the ass, try and make it PERFECTLY clear that you want more constructive comments.

All i can think of really.

[MacLovin]

4 hours ago, Frosty said:

This is somewhat bugging me these days and is also the reason why I have, generally a very negative perspective on positive comments directed at me. Whenever I'm at my worst mood; there's always bound to be someone giving me sugarcoated comments.

I get their intents is to make me feel better but I can see right through their pleasant words is that they're being VERY dishonest to me. Don't understand what's the point of sugarcoating things if someone's performance/output is below the required criteria; or in other words, why sugarcoat something that is terribly done.

oh I know exactly what this is in the Ph, wanna shoot me a PM?

 

Spoiler

It's kind of this thing in the Philippines where people will sugarcoat things to remain polite in public, isn't it. I've been through it in USC, where plenty of people will use totally saccharine rhetoric when you're looking for criticism, right?

 

[De Geso]

I had this problem where I was paranoid that everything nice anyone said to me was backhanded. I got over it when I realized that sometimes people are just trying to be nice. That said, just say "thanks, but where could I improve?"

Edited April 15, 2018 by YouSquiddinMe

[Flee Fleet!]

I, too, feel like some positive comments directed at me are sugarcoated. But I just consider the one making the comment to have good intentions and I in return say thanks.

If they're commenting on something I drew, made or wrote, then I would ask for honest criticism, so that I could improve.

 

6 hours ago, Frosty said:

Don't understand what's the point of sugarcoating things if someone's performance/output is below the required criteria; or in other words, why sugarcoat something that is terribly done.

I'm certain such people don't want to seem rude.

 

[Frosty]

16 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Can't say I've really had problems with these. But I have gotten downright rude comments. "You're 26 and this is the best you can do?" "Don't post things on the internet if you haven't mastered drawing." So be lucky you don't get those.

Okay, that's quite painful...

16 hours ago, eclipse said:

Several reasons:

1. Good intentions, crappy delivery.
2. Some people will be nice to your face only.  Nothing you can do to change them, really.
3. Maybe they really do mean well, but you've convinced yourself that they're not being sincere.

Which of these (if any) is dependent on a bunch of things that only you would know.

This one is in particular appears whenever I'm feeling horribly down. The not being sincere part is why they're only around whenever I'm already falling apart.

[eclipse]

4 minutes ago, Frosty said:

This one is in particular appears whenever I'm feeling horribly down. The not being sincere part is why they're only around whenever I'm already falling apart.

That just means depression's nasty, and I'm sorry. . .

[Dragoncat]

7 hours ago, Frosty said:

Okay, that's quite painful...

It was! Like I said, be lucky people are trying to be nice at least.

[Frosty]

10 hours ago, eclipse said:

That just means depression's nasty, and I'm sorry. . .

I mean on a normal day; most of the folks who follow my art are best described as... the "Don't care" guys, the folks who don't even give feedback and care at all. The only time they'd seem to bother with me is if my self-esteem takes a massive nosedive with the use of sugarcoated comments which tends to occur in Tumblr in my inbox. After that, repeat process.

This is why I generally have a very negative perspective towards sugarcoating and also have removed access to my ask box there.

2 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

It was! Like I said, be lucky people are trying to be nice at least.

Unfortunately, I can't consider being lucky if people are feigning niceness to lull me into a false sense of security.

[FionordeQuester]

On ‎4‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 9:31 AM, Frosty said:

Unfortunately, I can't consider being lucky if people are feigning niceness to lull me into a false sense of security.

Er...what?  You thinking they're out to get you or something?

[MacLovin]

On 4/16/2018 at 10:31 AM, Frosty said:

I mean on a normal day; most of the folks who follow my art are best described as... the "Don't care" guys, the folks who don't even give feedback and care at all. The only time they'd seem to bother with me is if my self-esteem takes a massive nosedive with the use of sugarcoated comments which tends to occur in Tumblr in my inbox. After that, repeat process.

This is why I generally have a very negative perspective towards sugarcoating and also have removed access to my ask box there.

Unfortunately, I can't consider being lucky if people are feigning niceness to lull me into a false sense of security.

unless there's some kind of motivation, as weird and wonky as it may be, perhaps people are legit trying to be nice?

I mean yeah I know the crab mentality sucks and all, but maybe you're reading a little too much into it and projecting. I'd suggest going over your work with an artist friend and asking them to give you the frankest criticism possible.

[FionordeQuester]

Besides that, constructive criticism takes effort.  Enough effort that it's oftentimes easier to either not say anything at all, or just leave a generic "doing good, man!".  And that's assuming the person even knows HOW to give constructive criticism (again, it's a skill; and also a test in how well you can criticize the art without criticizing the person).

So yeah, when you're down, and absolutely NEED their voice, they'll give it to you.  Otherwise, a great majority of your viewers will glance at your work briefly, go "oh hey, that's a cool thing he drew", then just move on to whatever else they were doing that day.