Getting out of an uninteresting conversation without being rude?

[Florete]

I'm an introvert, so when I'm at work and my lunch hour comes, I like to be quiet, read whatever manga I might have brought, play Fire Emblem Heroes, etc. Today I was doing just that; I had eaten my food and pulled out volume 4 of Bloom into You because I walk around a lot at work and it tires me out and that gay shit recharges me. So there I was, quietly reading my Japanese lesbian comic book when I notice the co-worker sitting on the same couch peeking over. This guy's relatively new, been here maybe a month, and I already know he's a bit of a weeb like me, so I let it go thinking it was a passing curiosity. A couple minutes later and he's still glancing over, so I ask, "Are you curious?" He takes this opportunity to sidle right up next to me and say something about how he was reading along with me and I guess he's really into it from the three pages he's seen because now he just wants to keep reading as I go.

This much isn't really a problem for me. It's a little awkward having someone read over my shoulder like that but it's rare enough to find fans with similar interests and he's being quiet for now so I just let it go and keep reading. Incidentally, without prior context I'm at a part where you can't tell for a while that it's a yuri manga, so he's completely unsuspecting, making various harmless quips as I go along until a page where the gay finally exposes itself. He laughs and I playfully mention how he knows now what it's all about. I tell him it's called Bloom into You, show him the cover, ask him if he's heard of it (he hasn't), and go to continue reading.

Luckily, he doesn't go into any homophobic nonsense, but he uses this opportunity to somehow, and looking back I can't even remember how, go into his own speech about a book or some sort of story he's writing and I'm only half paying attention because my lunch is only one hour and I want him to shut up so I can get back to reading but somehow he just keeps thinking of more things to bring up and explain. At first I'm acting sort of interested, looking at him and giving responses like "Oh, that's interesting" and sometimes more topic-relevant stuff but eventually I'm really sick of it so I try to give hints that I want him to stop. I get on my phone and boot up FEH, my responses become fewer and quicker, but somehow he isn't phased and he keeps going. At one point he even seemed like he ran out of things to say and opened his own book but seconds later a light bulb went on in his head and he started spewing more words out.

And since he went to lunch just ahead of me this pretty much lasts for all of 40 minutes until he has to leave and I only have a few minutes left myself, having only gotten through 1/3 of the volume I was reading (I was aiming for 1/2) and not playing FEH at all.

So, denizens of the Forest, what would you all have done in my situation?

Oh also I found a box of porn DVDs in the parking lot today but it was all het what the fuck who the fuck watches this trash.

[Slumber]

Look him straight in the eye and do this:

 

Honestly I don't know what I'd do in that situation. The last time I was ever in a situation like that was probably high school, when I didn't give a shit about being rude and would just walk away if somebody was boring me.

I'd say you're shit outta luck if you're committed to keep reading/doing whatever you're doing. Normally I'd say wait until the next time there's a pause in his talking and go do something else, out of the room, but if you want to keep reading where you are and don't want to move... You're sort of stuck. The only thing I'd say is to just tune him out.

[Ansem]

1. Bathroom break, and don't say you're going to the bathroom, just be like you have to excuse yourself for a little while, thanks for the convo or some dumb shit like that 

2. "Oh fuck its this time o clock I have to make a call," and then thank them for the convo and leave the area for a little while. 

3. Headphones. Even if you hear them the first few time, act like you don't. Usually deters them

4. My favorite one, be straight. My fucks are gone, last time I was in this situation was exact same scenario. Had an hour between class and an ~extrovert~ person who talks to strangers came over to my area and asked if the seat in front of me was taken. I said no, and he took it as an invite to talk. I gave him three chances, but shot him down quickly after with "listen man, I only have an hour before class and I would really like to finish eating and watching this." Was enough to get him to fuck off. You'll be surprised how much being a little abrasive can accomplish. I'd say it is a necessity 

[Florete]

All excellent suggestions!

 

24 minutes ago, Navv said:

3. Headphones. Even if you hear them the first few time, act like you don't. Usually deters them

I usually do this during lunch, and I even had my headphones on at the time, but nothing was coming out because I was reading.

[Johann]

18 minutes ago, Navv said:

"listen man, I only have an hour before class and I would really like to finish eating and watching this."

This is the best thing you can do because it's the most direct, though it can be a problem if they're hitting on you and they don't respect you enough to actually listen or do as you ask. If that's the case, then there's not as much you can actually do without being "rude" or leaving or getting someone else to intervene because of how persistently shitty some people are.

[Flee Fleet!]

Being a little abrasive isn't too bad, you should make the person realize they're boring/annoying/interrupting the heck out of you. Otherwise, try to tune him out or make an excuse to leave the convo.

 

1 hour ago, Florete said:

Oh also I found a box of porn DVDs in the parking lot today but it was all het what the fuck who the fuck watches this trash.

was it gay or straight

[Florete]

 

2 minutes ago, Flee Fleet! said:

was it gay or straight

 

1 hour ago, Florete said:

it was all het

I mean I didn't exactly dig through it all but what I saw was.

Edited April 30, 2018 by Florete

[Cysx]

From my experience, being subtle about wanting a conversation to end has a strong likelihood of leading nowhere. The simplest way is to just wait for a pause in their speech, apologize for interrupting them, and say you're not willing to talk/ have to go. If you're going to be seeing this person again(like in your case I assume), probably best not to lie(or be too obvious about it), otherwise as sad to say as it is, any excuse your conscience permits will do.

[smgrinus]

The best thing for you to do in this situation is to be completely honest. If this person finds your honesty to be rude, it might not be a person you want to deal with. If they comply with your request and realize how they may be behaving then your personal space stays intact. Perhaps, the individual learns a bit of restraint from the experience as well.

[Farore]

I agree with being honest at least for the most part (telling him you think he's boring or annoying will likely not go too well and if he's a colleague I'd not recommend that.. might also get you into trouble at work in the long run, you never know what'll happen). Why not just tell him sorry, but you really need your lunch hour to recharge with a book, because otherwise it'll be too hard for you to continue a busy work day afterward, something like that? That would hopefully also hint towards needing that bit of time to yourself the next day, and the next..

[Dr. Tarrasque]

"Not to be rude but I'd like to continue just doing my own thing for what little time I have left here..." or something like that.

Just be upfront about it. I'm sure that if you were in his shoes you'd appreciate the honesty. Now whether you have to be more explicit or tell him his story is boring depends on how he responds. If he were to insist on continuing, I would proceed to tell him his story is uninteresting in a way he can relate to.

[Retyl]

.

Edited September 6, 2018 by Retyl

[Tryhard]

10 hours ago, Florete said:

Oh also I found a box of porn DVDs in the parking lot today but it was all het what the fuck who the fuck watches this trash.

Why'd you think it was dumped out in the parking lot?

[De Geso]

If you don't want him to approach you again, just be rude. There's no sense in trying to be polite and approachable toward someone you don't want to talk to.

[Michelaar]

2 minutes ago, YouSquiddinMe said:

If you don't want him to approach you again, just be rude. There's no sense in trying to be polite and approachable toward someone you don't want to talk to.

However, the guy doesn't have any bad intentions at all, yet you be an ass anyway? There's no reason for that. You can just be honest and say ''Hey, sorry, I need this lunchbreak, could you leave me alone?'' without sounding rude.

[De Geso]

21 minutes ago, Michelaar said:

However, the guy doesn't have any bad intentions at all, yet you be an ass anyway? There's no reason for that. You can just be honest and say ''Hey, sorry, I need this lunchbreak, could you leave me alone?'' without sounding rude.

Doesn't matter if he has good intentions or not. I'm not saying to spit in the guy's face. Just tell him that you're busy, or aren't interested in talking. If he has a spine at all he'll get that sometimes people would prefer to be left alone.

I'm assuming that the original poster considers what you said "being rude," since many people would (wrongly) take it as such.

[Michelaar]

7 minutes ago, YouSquiddinMe said:

Doesn't matter if he has good intentions or not. I'm not saying to spit in the guy's face. Just tell him that you're busy, or aren't interested in talking. If he has a spine at all he'll get that sometimes people would prefer to be left alone.

I'm assuming that the original poster considers what you said "being rude," since many people would (wrongly) take it as such.

Ah, got it. Personally I don't see it as rude, but I could see how someone might be more sensitive towards that.

[Ertrick36]

2 hours ago, YouSquiddinMe said:

Doesn't matter if he has good intentions or not. I'm not saying to spit in the guy's face. Just tell him that you're busy, or aren't interested in talking. If he has a spine at all he'll get that sometimes people would prefer to be left alone.

That isn't rude so much as just somewhat blunt.

Though I think being cautious in your approach to coworkers is pretty important.  Assuming you work with them at least every week, they could make your life an absolute living hell if you get on their bad side.  Then again, they could make your life hell regardless, if they're irritating enough a person.  Still, it's best not to actively try to make them dislike you.  I'd say the OP oughta assess this person themselves and determine whether a blunt approach would be preferable.

13 hours ago, Florete said:

Luckily, he doesn't go into any homophobic nonsense, but he uses this opportunity to somehow, and looking back I can't even remember how, go into his own speech about a book or some sort of story he's writing...

Oh dear...  As someone who likes writing stuff, I must say nothing is worse than an author who likes to spill his guts about his work to strangers/acquaintances.  I mean, it's one thing to offer a sort of proof of concept to an editor or someone else you're requesting actual assistance from or telling friends/family about it, but just randomly talking about things you're working on to someone you hardly know without them even asking is just... eeehhhhh...

I wouldn't really know what to do in that situation, either.  It's pretty tough to stop someone like that once they get going.  It might just be better to avoid any topics relating to whatever story they're writing in the future, but that probably isn't easy either; you'd have to know what topics would cause them to bring up their writing endeavors.  Though I'm a fairly passive person, so I'm pretty terrible at getting people to shut up unless I actually get really angry.

[Florete]

Wow, I got a lot more responses than I thought I would, thanks, everyone.

15 hours ago, Dr. Tarrasque said:

"Not to be rude but I'd like to continue just doing my own thing for what little time I have left here..." or something like that.

Just be upfront about it. I'm sure that if you were in his shoes you'd appreciate the honesty. Now whether you have to be more explicit or tell him his story is boring depends on how he responds. If he were to insist on continuing, I would proceed to tell him his story is uninteresting in a way he can relate to.

I would appreciate the honesty, but I'm really not sure if he would. He's young, like 19 I think, and so overly cheery all the time that I'm unsure how well he'd take a blunt response.

Still, I won't let this happen again. I'll do what needs to be done.

10 hours ago, Tryhard said:

Why'd you think it was dumped out in the parking lot?

People dump their trash in our parking lot all the time, it's nothing new.

[Flee Fleet!]

On 4/30/2018 at 12:17 PM, Florete said:

 

 

I mean I didn't exactly dig through it all but what I saw was.

oh, I see, I read het as wet, my bad, lol.

[Excellen Browning]

8 hours ago, Florete said:

I would appreciate the honesty, but I'm really not sure if he would. He's young, like 19 I think, and so overly cheery all the time that I'm unsure how well he'd take a blunt response.

If he does take offense, and you were in no way rude, then that's all his problem. There are definitely ways to tell people that you want to be alone right now, without being rude.