The "You Sell Table Fans, Get A Real Job!" CYOA

[ProfImpossible]

You guys know how a CYOA works, I'll update whenever I get the chance (probably every couple days or something). Hope you enjoy.

 

 

You are you, it's Saturday, you are sitting in your house watching TV, bored and down-trodden by your job as a door to door fan salesman. You spend every weekend like this, work just puts you in a funk. Of course, you wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't quit your old job and bought all those fans off of QVC. They seemed like such a good deal, you had never seen top quality fans like the "ArtificiWind 260", with a fully swiveling head, beautiful surf green and burnt umber finishes, a 5 foot coil-able grounded power cord, and whisper quiet operation. All for one easy payment of $19.99."These fans will sell themselves" you said to your cat, promptly spending your life savings of $783 dollars on these amazing fans, "I can flip these babies for 30 bucks a pop". But after a few weeks, on December 9th, you're starting to regret your decision. "Nobody want's to buy fans in the winter! What was I thinking?" You howl. "Especially not from someone driving a old beat up van, I look like some creep hawking stuff they found at the dump. Curse you, you infernal contraptions of a slightly breezy moderately temperature'd hell!"

 

A.) Calm down and look for real jobs in the classifieds to recoup your massive fan losses.

B.) Use your remaining rent money to trick out your van so it looks like an official company car.

C.) Continue cursing the fans

D.) The fan's are the perfect product, you are the problem. Contemplate yourself and your existence.

E.) There's still hope! Try to re-brand fans as the Ultimate Christmas gift. 

F.) Try to get your old job back.

Edited May 10, 2018 by ProfImpossible

[NinjaMonkey]

A

Edited May 9, 2018 by NinjaMonkey

[FRZNHeir]

E

[ProfImpossible]

A Since it was first.

"Alright calm down", you whisper. "There's gotta be an easy way outta this."  Just then you here a loud WAP outside. "Godammit, I swear that paper boy is trying to take out my window. Wait, the paper! There's gotta be some jobs in there!" You think loudly. You rush to the open the door and grab the paper, you feel the soft yet sturdy paper caress the fingers on the end of each hand. Fresh newsprint rubbing off on your hands, you breath in the smell of the ink. "Ahh. The newspaper, man's savior, spreader of knowledge and opportunity.

You open it and flip straight to the classified ads, the first ad in the jobs section is for a grocery cashiers position. "A little too mundane", you think. The second is a job at a laundromat. But you think that has to do landscaping so you pass on that too. Finally, you see it, an accounting job at a local Best Buy "Well, I did take take some business classes in college, and I've always liked technology,  I did rig up that new TV for my Grandparents. (you called a technician to set it up while they were out.) This job could work." You grab your phone and call the number in the ad, a nice man named Erin picks up

Erin: Hello this is Erin at Best Buy, how may I help you?

You: Is that spelled E-r-i-n, or A-r-o-n?

Erin: ..It's spelled with an E                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             (you interject)

You: That's a woman's name

Erin: ..It works both ways.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               (you interject again)

You: No, that's a woman's name.   

You: There's nothing bad about it, it just is.

Erin: Excuse me, do have any reason for calling other than harassment?                                                                                                                                                                                                               (Damn, gotta stay on target)

You: Yes, I am calling regarding your ad in the paper, I would like to apply for the accounting job.

Erin: I see, let me get my manager.

Mangager: Hello, are you inquiring about the acounnti-                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           (you cut them off)

You: Hi what's your name?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             (first impressions are important, nailed it!)

Manager: ...It's Julie. Are you interesting in working here?

You: Now that you mention it, yeah, I am.

Manager: Okay, we give all applicants a chance. What time is good for you to do an interview? We'll need to see you resume, and Identification.

You: I have nothing but time.

Manager: ..Okay, then does 9:30 Monday morning work for you?

You: yes

You abruptly hang up. Success! You got a job interview! You totally nailed that. 

How do you spend the rest of your day?

 

A.) Try to get another interview, you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket.

B.) Put all of your eggs in one basket you are invincible! Go to bed right now to wake up early for your interview.

C.) Google the name "Erin"

D.) Look for your resume.

C.) Look online to see if the new Star Wars movie is out.

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2018 by ProfImpossible

[NinjaMonkey]

D

[ProfImpossible]

You decide you should try and find your resume. Your walk through your apartment till you get to your home office. It's mostly full of fans now but your pretty sure your resume is somewhere in there. "On top of the desk? No, In the drawers? No. Blast!" You can't seem to find it, you look around at all the fans, racking your brain for where it could be. All the sudden you remember. Crap, you burnt it when you bought all these fans, said something like "resumes are for losers who can't even sell something that everyone needs, like a fan!". Well you've really done it now. How are you gonna get out of this one?

 

A.) Try to remember all the things you've done and write a new resume

B.) Make up a bunch of stuff and write a new resume

C.) Get intimidated and try and think of something to do with the fans again.

D.) You can't think on an empty stomach, go get some lunch and then think your way outta this.

[Dragoncat]

A.

[ProfImpossible]

Well, they're not going to hire someone who doesn't have a resume. You start to try and remember all the jobs you've held. After 3 hours this is what you've got:

 

November 2018 through December of the same year: Self employed freelance salesmen. 

September 2016 through November 2018:  Worked as a manager of a Starbucks.

September 2012 through June 2016: Four years of college, studying classical literature and business. 

 

Hm. This needs some padding. You're too hungry to think of anything that isn't an outright lie though, so you decide to go get some food. All you have in your cupboard is half a box of oats, raisin bran and a can of Pringles. You're getting bad vibes from the Pringles, so you decide to go for the raisin bran, you don't have any milk though so you decide to just eat the oats (cereal just ain't the same without milk). After chugging the whole box you feel like yourself again! You can really taste the fiber! Your head is filled to the brim with countless ways to improve your first impression.

 

November 2018 through December of the same year: Independent entrepreneur/owner and operator of a specialty electronics business.

September 2016 through November 2018: Managed several youth and was responsible for the satisfaction and productivity of hundreds. (yeah, that'll work)

September 2012 through June 2016: Four years of college, studying classical literature and business. (I guess you can't really pad that)

It's not much, but it'll do. Now that you have that you're sitting pretty. You've got a first class ticket to job city! 

What'll you do now?

 

A.) Get straight to bed so you can wake up bright and early for your interview.

B.) Start carbo-loading, that's what people do before job interviews right?

C.) Call your mom to tell her you've got a job! Once you do that you won't be able to fail because of the deathly fear and guilt!

D.) Send your fans to fan heaven. They've run their course.

 

 

Edited May 12, 2018 by ProfImpossible

[Sarcastic_Yandere]

D, because I am overconfident. Also, they've been living in suffering for too long now.

[ProfImpossible]

Since you have everything you need for your interview, you better start living like it. Time to get rid of these fans, they only hold bad memories. There's probably a city ordinance against burning stuff outside, and you're pretty sure they aren't gonna let some rando drop off 30 mint condition fans at the dump. Maybe you can donate them to something? After 15 minutes you have all of them loaded up in your van. Damn, such a lightweight fan, you could bring these babies anywhere. "No" you think. The fans have only brought you suffering, it doesn't matter that they were named the most energy efficient fans of 2010, it doesn't matter that they come in two unique high quality airplane grade finishes. The fan's time has passed, that ship has sailed, there's been a change in the wind. With that, you get in to your van and start driving, your not sure where you're going exactly but you'll figure it out. "Hm, fan-van. That rhymes." you say aloud to no one.

After awhile you think: "wait a minute. I'm in my van, I have all my fans, why don't I do one last sales run?" "That's the proper way to send off these fans".  After a little while longer you get a call from your ex.

You: Hello? What do you want want?

Ex: I thought we could, talk. Emotions were high last time and I wanted to apologize for what I said.

You: *sigh* It's fine, you were right. Nobody want's to buy a fan in December. I was a fool for ever buying those fans, I'm getting rid of them now.                                                                                   (sentimental thoughts fill your head)

Ex: Good, I'm glad you realized that.

You: It's just *tears up* I'm gonna miss *unintelligible* so much.

Ex: Hey hey, no need to cry, I'll come over tonight and we can talk things out. I'll-wait a minute, are you crying about me, or the fans?

You: Um... the fans.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    (crap, you shouldn't have let your emotions get the better of you.)

Ex: God dammit! You know what? I can't, I just can't handle this, you have an unhealthy fixation on those fans!                                                                                                                                      

Your ex hangs up. "Good" you think. They never "got" you anyways. Besides, spending all this quality time with you fans has shown you how good they really are. Could your ex cool you down on a hot day? No. Could your ex keep your computer cool when you were busy online gaming? No. It's just then you have an epiphany, "Nerds need fans even in the winter!" hahahahahahahahahahahahaha YES! Now the only question is as to where one might find these nerds. You're ex will definitely take you back if you sell all your fans! Oh, and if you tell them about that job interview. But you're pretty sure that can kinda take a back seat for now. You've got fan fever!

Where do you look for nerds?

 

A.) Drive to the nearest nerd residence as described in the most recent edition of your AAA guidebook.

B.) Go to a comic book store

C.) Go to an anime convention.

D.) Buy some cardboard cutouts of attractive people wearing scifi clothes to use to make a nerd trap.

 

 

[NinjaMonkey]

C

[ProfImpossible]

As you're trying to think, you see a group of dirty teens wearing a bunch of goofy costumes. Those are nerds if you ever saw them. You roll down your window and ask them where they're going. "Hey! Where are you kids going!". They tell you they're going to an anime convention. An anime convention! Why didn't you think of that! Those have more nerds than bag of halloween candy! Once you arrive at the convention you set up shop, using some spray paint you had in your van you write " Kuso Fans". You're pretty sure "kuso" means awesome in Japanese, these people should love this. After a little while a real dweebly kid comes walking up, "Hello, I'm looking for several fans to cool my CPU while I play my hack and slash games and watch Neon Genesis Evangeli-. You punch him before he finishes his sentence. You hate that show. Your fans don't deserve to be used by some cretin who likes that show. The main character's super unlikable, all the characters play one note and they're all flat("heh, music pun" you think.), and the ending sucked. God you hate that show. The robots did look pretty fricken' cool though. Anyways your not gonna let someone with such garbage opinions buy your fans. Another guy walks up and says "Hello, are you telling me these fans are only 40 dollars? At a convention like this I could flip 'em for at least 80! I'll take 'em all off your hands." 

 

 

What will you do?

A.) Let the nerd take these fans off your hands, earning you $1200, your ex's respect, and freedom from these cursed fans (you're starting to think it's a Milagro man situation).

B.) Make sure he doesn't like NGE.

C.) What!? Never! Run deeper into the convention to find the nerds that'll pay top dollar.

D.) Okay, now they cost 100 dollars each.

Edited May 19, 2018 by ProfImpossible

[Punished Dayni]

C

[NinjaMonkey]

A

[ProfImpossible]

GIMME A TIEBREAKER PEOPLES! A OR C WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? Or I guess if one of the other options got more votes. Idk do whatever ya want.

[ProfImpossible]

Aw hell I'll do it meself.                                                              

C

What!? Is what this greasy man-child is saying true? You leap over him, grabbing a sample fan and dashing into the fray. Once your in the thick of it you start to regret your decision, everywhere you look there are people dressed in costumes shouting attack names, one guy who seems to really like Bleach (not like "oh that guy's into bleach. Like " Oh shit, that guys wearing a homemade version of Ichigo's Arancar mask while carrying around a seven foot long sword [Note to self: ask him where he got it later] and a Rukia body pillow"), and some real pasty kids (not pasty as in white, pasty with a short a, like the medieval savory pastry. You assume they're such big nerds that they eat all kinds of crazy period food like that.)   wearing World of Warcraft T-shirts. You go and talk to the pasty kids, "Ladies and Gentleman! I bring to you the deal of a life time. I am selling premium gaming fans for only 80 dollars each! Buy it now and the shipping and handling is free free free!" The pasty kids huddle up and talk to each other. After a minute they walk up to you, "we have considered your offer, we decided we will buy all of your fans. Their power will be helpful, and they come in such beautiful airplane grade finishes!" 

Hahahahahah! SUCCESS!! You sold all of your fans! That's a huge wieght off your chest. What will you do now?

 

A.) Go back home, call your ex, take your interview and take your life back

B.) Go buy that Bleach guy's sword form him. You deserve it.

 

[NinjaMonkey]

A

[ProfImpossible]

Congratulations! You sold your fans, got your ex back, aced your interview, and managed to only really piss off Erin in the process.

 

FIN