Dragoncat Posted May 26, 2018 Author Share Posted May 26, 2018 6/10 I went to the zoo and it just had one animal in it, a dog. It was a shitzu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 6/10 Your mother’s so fat, we are all seriously concerned for her health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 27, 2018 Author Share Posted May 27, 2018 5/10 Your mom's so old and stinky, she farted and the dinosaurs became extinct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfImpossible Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 5/10 You mom's so dumb , she thought JarJar(binks) was filled with pickles pickles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 7/10 I once knew a girl that was named “Holiday” . As you can guess, everyone came up with jokes for her name. My personal favorite was this one: Said to a friend in front of Holiday: “ Say, did you know that Green Day was on Holiday?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 27, 2018 Author Share Posted May 27, 2018 8/10 A little boy goes to his first day of kindergarten and approaches a little girl. "Hi! My name's Ted, what's yours?" The little girl says "Happy Butt." "I'm telling the teacher!" and Ted tells the teacher. "You shouldn't lie about your name." The teacher says. "What's your real name?" But again the girl says "Happy Butt." and adds that the teacher can call her mom if she doesn't believe her. So the teacher calls the mom. "We have your daughter here and she keeps telling everybody her name is Happy Butt." "Oh that must be Gladys." says the mom. "Happy butt, glad ass, what's the difference?" Says the girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 I legitimately laughed. 9/10 Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?" Patient: "Cancer." Doctor: "Well isn't that a weird coincidence?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 7/10 I have a new girlfriend; she’s a skydiver; I’m falling for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 L-O-freaking-L. 8/10 What's black and stuck to the ceiling? A bad electrician. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 7/10 omg xD A janitor is cleaning a women's bathroom when he sees a red button. He pushes it and next thing he knows he wakes up in the hospital. "You pushed the red button in the ladies' room didn't you?" The nurse asks. "Yeah..." "That's the automatic tampon remover. We had to reattach your penis." (For the record, before you ask, boys, no there is no such thing as an automatic tampon remover.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfImpossible Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 8/10 I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence. I think she’s beginning to regret letting me name the twins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 8/10 Why do whores wear hoop earrings? So they have somewhere to put their feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pengaius Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 6/10 kinda... weird Three idiots walk into a bar, one orders a scotch, one tries to reserve a booth and the third is passed out on the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 4/10 I don't get it. What's the difference between a rooster and a whore? A rooster says "cock a doodle doo" and a whore says "any cock will do" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pengaius Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 1 hour ago, Dragoncat said: 4/10 I don't get it. The Third man walked into the bar (like a metal bar), hit his head and fell unconscious, while the other two mistook the bar for a drinking establishment, and tried to do what they would do in an actual bar even though there was no bartender, nor any booths to be reserved. It's pretty poorly phrased I guess your joke 6/10 for crudeness And now for the joke: Kanye West's career Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 9 minutes ago, Pengaius said: The Third man walked into the bar (like a metal bar), hit his head and fell unconscious, while the other two mistook the bar for a drinking establishment, and tried to do what they would do in an actual bar even though there was no bartender, nor any booths to be reserved. It's pretty poorly phrased I guess I get it now. Current joke: 8/10. Imma let you finish but Kanye is the biggest trainwreck of all time! Why can't skeletons play in the orchestra? They don't have any organs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfImpossible Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I'll give this a 4/10 because organs aren't in Orchestras.Only a few composers even wrote any music for organs, (which was mainly solo church stuff). You could pry find one in an orchestra somewhere, but it'd be and awful lot of looking. My grandfather was a very intelligent man; he was an inventor. He invented the cold air balloon. Only problem was it never really took off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 (edited) Clever! 8/10 We succeeded in crossing a pit bull and a shih tzu. We'll call it bull shit. Edited May 29, 2018 by DragonFlames Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 5/10 Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman. No, seriously, why can’t she drive? Because she’s dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Black humour. My favourite. 8/10 How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 7/10 What do you say to noisy tennis players? What’s with all the racket? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 Heh. 6/10. A guy calls animal control because there's a gorilla on his roof. Animal control shows up with a gun, some boxing gloves, and a small dog. "I'm going to box the gorilla until he's down and this dog will bite him in the balls until he passes out. But in case I fall down before the gorilla...shoot the dog." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Roger The Paladin Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 4.5/10 Why was Serra forced to retreat? She broke her heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Pun Alert! 7/10 What do you call an Frenchman who wears sandals? Phillipe Phillope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfImpossible Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Pun Alert! 5/10 An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.” The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.” The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.” The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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