SMEDIA Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 7/10 There are four people on a plane: the pilot (who happens to be a woman), a little kid, the smartest woman in the world (Hillary Clinton), and an old man. Unexpectedly, something wrong happens to the plane and it’s going to crash. There are only three parachutes, so one person has to die. The pilot takes the first parachute, leaving just two parachutes left. Hillary Clinton then says “I’m a valuable source of good in the world!” So she jumps out of the plane. The old man then says to the kid, “Well, I lived a nice long life, so go ahead and take the last parachute kid.” However, the little kid says, “Don’t worry sir, there’s still two parachutes.” The old man says “Huh?” The kid says, “It’s ok cause Hillary Clinton jumped out with my backpack” :) (Note: I’m a liberal; I couldn’t think of another woman to use for this joke). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 5, 2018 Author Share Posted June 5, 2018 7/10 heard it before, only with a lawyer, priest, and boy scout. A newlywed couple is given a fancy sports car. While they're taking it for a spin, the man says "The more of your clothes you take off, the faster I'll go." His wife is game, and eventually she's naked and he's going 90 miles an hour. But he's distracted by how hot she looks so he crashes. The wife is thrown out. She's fine, but her husband is trapped in the car. "Go get help!" The man says. "But I'm naked and I can't get my clothes out!" He hands her his shoe. "Cover up with this! Go to that gas station and get help!" She covers her crotch with his shoe and her chest with her arm and goes into the gas station. "Please help! My husband is stuck!" The cashier stares at the shoe. "Sorry ma'am, if he's that far in I don't think I can help you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 7/10 There happens to be an outside bar on the edge of a cliff. There’s a bar tender and two drunk men. One of the drunk men says “Hey! Look at me!” He then literally jumps off the cliff and then immediately floats back to the bar. The other drunk says “Wtf?” The drunk that jumped off does it again and again and he says “It’s a magic cliff! If you jump off, you’ll float right back up! I swear it!” So the other guy says “Ok!” He then musters his courage and jumps off. The bar tender then looks at the one remaining drunk and says “Superman! What did I tell you about killing my customers!?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 5, 2018 Author Share Posted June 5, 2018 8/10. Have another Superman joke. Superman is flying around the city and sees Wonder Woman on top of a building, completely naked and in a very sexy pose. He swoops down, mounts her, finishes, and flies off all in a few seconds. "What was that?" Wonder Woman asks. The Invisible Man climbs off of her and says "I don't know but now my butthole hurts." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMEDIA Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 7/10 This is a very mean joke to tell, especially to a high school girl. Why do whores wear hoop earrings? So they have somewhere to put their feat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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