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Comedy Critique Club


Dragoncat
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7/10 sounds like me lol.

How I learned to mind my own business:

I was walking down the street and I passed a fence. From the other side I could hear people laughing and cheering and saying "43 43 43!" The fence was pure wood so I couldn't see through it, and it was too high to see over, but there was a hole I could look through. Some idiot poked me in the eye and then they started chanting "44 44 44!"

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5/10 

 

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”—and then he died.

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Anna from FE? 8/10

Give this flask to Mel and tell him to put it somewhere where nobody can find it. It's formaldehyde. 

(read it out loud if you don't get it)

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Pun Alert! 8/10

For ten years, Herbert was praying every weekend: "Dear God, please let me win the lottery."
It was always for naught.
When he tried it again one day, his room was engulfed in a bright light and a desperate voice called to him: "Give me just one chance, Herbert. Buy a ticket, for Heaven's sake!"

Edited by DragonFlames
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9/10.

Little Johnny gets a toy train for Christmas. "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get off, and all you sons of bitches who want to get on, get on, because this train's leaving for the next stop!"

His mom hears him. "Go to your room for an hour! When the hour's up, you may play with your train, but no more of that language!"

When the hour is up Johnny goes back to his train. "Please board and unboard now, have a pleasant trip and thank you for traveling with us...anyone who's pissed about the hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

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8/10

There’s s teenage boy and his girlfriend. They decide to have sex in his bedroom, however, he shares a bunk bed with his little brother. The teenager has the top bunk.

When they decide to have sex, they decide to use code words so the little brother doesn’t know what’s going on.

”Ok, if I want you to go harder, say “tomato.” If I want you to change position, say “lettuce.” Also, do not cum inside me; I’m not on the pill.” says the girl.

So the two begin and the girl says “Lettuce, lettuce, tomato...”

However, The teenager is about to cum and his girlfriend says “Wait! Don’t cum! I can’t risk getting pregnant!”

Then, the little brother yells out ,” Hey! Stop making sandwiches up there! You’re getting mayonnaise all over my face!”

Edited by SMEDIA
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7/10 eww gross! xD

A bear and a rabbit find the magical golden frog that will grant 6 wishes. Since there's two of them they each get 3 wishes. The bear wishes all the other bears in the forest were female. The rabbit wishes for a leather jacket. The bear wishes all the other bears in the country were female. The rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. The bear wishes all the other bears in the world were female. The rabbit says "I wish that bear was gay!" and hops on his motorcycle and speeds off.

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8/10

 

One day this guy's wife left him for another man. It tor him up, but he had had a trying life, so he was used to hardships. The next day he was fired from his job, but he was used to hardships. The third day, he became very depressed and decided to commit suicide, he jumped off a bridge. But just as he did, a boat was passing through and he smacked right on to it, but he didn't die, because he was used to hardships.

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6/10

There were two women who went on a ladies' night out. They got drunk and had to walk home. As they passed the cemetary they had to pee. One wiped with her underwear and threw them on the ground, and the other wiped with a wreath on a gravestone. The next day their husbands are talking. "No more ladies' night out!" The first husband says. "My wife came home with no underwear on!" "That's nothing." The second husband says. "My wife came home with a card up her crack that said from all of us at the fire hall we will never forget you!"

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6/10

The kindergarten teacher gives all the kids honey flavored life savers and none of them can guess what flavor it is. So the teacher says "Your mother might call your father this." Little Johnny jumps up and yells "Spit it out! It's asshole flavored!"

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8/10

 

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets, so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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6/10

 

A bear walks in to a bar and says, "I'll have a rum... and coke". The bartender says "why the large pause?" And the bear says "I don't know, I was born with them."

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