Dragoncat Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 (edited) Next topic is: Things not to say at a job interview. Question: How do you know when the next poster will be on the next page? Edited November 10, 2018 by Dragoncat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 In a prison: Interviewee: "How would you quell a riot?" Applicant: "Easy: Whoever doesn't follow the rules gets kicked out!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoodHoms Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 "I guess I'd better tell you about all my flaws first and foremost." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umerol Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 "How did I get here again?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 "Who's the hot babe in that photo?" "My wife." "Oh is she home? What's her number?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFlames Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 (edited) "So, you must be the applicant for the job?" "Oh no, that was another guy called 'Shit Sherlock', first name 'No'."I swear I'm using that one one day. And no, I totally didn't steal it from DBZA. You have no proof! Edited November 11, 2018 by DragonFlames Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_antithesis Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 19 hours ago, Dragoncat said: Question: How do you know when the next poster will be on the next page? A new page is created every 25th reply. "Hopefully I got away with all those lies on my CV." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punished Dayni Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 Int. "Now, do you have any questions for us?" App. "Where do you keep the booze?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umerol Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 "Can I bring my pet alligator to work?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corrobin Posted November 12, 2018 Author Share Posted November 12, 2018 At a daycare applications: Interviewer: Are you okay with changing diapers? Interviewee: Hell no, I ain't changing some old fogey's adult diapers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punished Dayni Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 "I will have to say that I'm not available on the following days.... (Proceeds to list several weeks worth in a row during a busy season, as well as other days throughout the year) ....Because of personal reasons" (The sad part is I made a similar mistake recently.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor_Siegfried Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 "I don't think inside or outside the box. I try to question everything about the box and what sort of implications of had being in the establishment especially when we're being asked to consider our work as being the equivalent of being in a box. I especially get a little concerned about boxes in general. I'm worried about being stuck inside a box. I learned about the Schrodinger Cat Box when I was a kid and it scarred me for life." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkwing Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 "Why do you think you would make a good roofer?" "Well, I've climbed onto the roof more times than I could count as a kid. To the point where I actually brought several toys up there to play with. Heh, I still remember the time I lost the arm of my favorite transformer, and a year later found out that it had somehow ended up in the rain gut-" "Hmm, interesting. As you may know, roofing can be a dangerous job, especially with the risk of falling off and suffering severe injuries. Even death. Are you prepared to accept these risks?" "Risks? Dude, I've jumped off a two story building more times than I care to count. And obviously survived." "...Do you mean jumping from the roof into a pool, or onto a trampoli-" "What? No no no. Our family didn't have the space or the money for those kind of things. I was just curious on how you successfully do those cool looking rolls that stuntmen always do in the movies. I was also curious to see if that mobsters line about being able to survive a three story drop from that Batman movie was true or not." "I see. Well, I thank you for applying. I found this interview to be very helpf-"" "...AND that wasn't even the craziest thing I did! There was this one time where I brought my bike onto the roof, as well as my friends skate ramp, as I accepted a bet from said friend that I could successfully ride my bike on the power lines, and..." "THANK YOU! We will inform you on whether or not you got the job via mail." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punished Dayni Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 "What is the policy towards the usage of joints? Because I'm wondering if I can cook it in good time" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_antithesis Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 "You are such a [incessant swearing]." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punished Dayni Posted December 5, 2018 Share Posted December 5, 2018 "I can say that one of my specialities is in blame diversion. I have successfully passed mistakes onto others in previous engagements. Would you like some examples?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoblongoo Posted December 5, 2018 Share Posted December 5, 2018 (edited) Q: "Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved that I would ever even consider hiring you?" A: "No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm interviewing is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really have no desire to work here." Q: "But you have perfect credentials!" A: "Yeah. Just 'cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn." Q: "Get out!" Edited December 5, 2018 by Shoblongoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 On 12/5/2018 at 7:22 AM, Shoblongoo said: Q: "Do you actually believe after the way you've just behaved that I would ever even consider hiring you?" A: "No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm interviewing is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really have no desire to work here." Q: "But you have perfect credentials!" A: "Yeah. Just 'cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn." Q: "Get out!" This is from a movie I know it is. To add: "I require an emotional support animal or else I have meltdowns. I currently have a support 10 foot python." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_antithesis Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 "That thing your company is doing is completely illegal under [law]. Someone could sue you for that!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 "The last company I interviewed with only hires pretty people, but it looks like I'd fit in better here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 "Why did you print your resume on bright neon pink paper?" "There was nothing stating it had to be a certain color. And honestly, I wanted it to stand out over all the other resumes you get." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_antithesis Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 "Umm, err, ahh... Crap. I don't know." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 "Look, I'd love to provide you with some references, but my previous employers were all killed in a Heroin-related shoot out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkwing Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 "Yeah, I'm qualified to be a ambulance driver. After all, I beat Emergency Call Ambulance in the arcade. Wait, you can drift with an ambulance, right?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_antithesis Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 "Oh, my criminal record? Yeah, I'm surprised at how little they've actually managed to catch!" Warning: Next post will start a new page! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.