A long standing mystery has been solved!(Zora breasts)

[Dragoncat]

Anyone who knows me knows this is right up my alley.

I had never heard of the discus fish before and now I feel enlightened!

Cue copy paste from my comment on this on youtube, going from fish people to robot people now:

Quote

Female machina in Xenoblade have them too. I headcanon that the internal/external thing with reproductive organs is reversed. Those aren't breasts that make milk, they're breeding nodes. To breed, they will cuddle up close to each other much like the other races, and the external breeding nodes interact with the internal bits of the male, and a new life is created externally. Since the machina kids are not humanoid looking like the adults, they metamorphize like caterpillars or tadpoles when they reach a certain age. It works, and I like it better than "they just build their kids out of scrap metal" like that old Robots movie.

So yes, this means male machina do not have penises or testicles. Females don't have vaginas, ovaries, or uteruses either. The reproductive organs are situated in the chest instead of the crotch.

To anyone who's played Xenoblade this becomes especially funny with Egil's "suck my dick" attitude at some points, because he doesn't have one.

[Espurrhoodie]

An interesting thing to end my day.

[Dragoncat]

1 minute ago, Espurrhoodie said:

An interesting thing to end my day.

I just love stuff like this. LOVE IT. Biology and science of fictional worlds and species is so fun.

[Espurrhoodie]

5 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

I just love stuff like this. LOVE IT. Biology and science of fictional worlds and species is so fun.

You with biology and science is me with mythology and history.

I actually plan on writing a report comparing the names of FE characters and weapons with their mythological counterparts! (Well, my grandma suggested the idea, and I liked it because it combined two of my favorite things together)

[Dragoncat]

3 minutes ago, Espurrhoodie said:

You with biology and science is me with mythology and history.

I actually plan on writing a report comparing the names of FE characters and weapons with their mythological counterparts! (Well, my grandma suggested the idea, and I liked it because it combined two of my favorite things together)

That's cool too! When it's done I'll read it.

[Interdimensional Observer]

7 minutes ago, Espurrhoodie said:

I actually plan on writing a report comparing the names of FE characters and weapons with their mythological counterparts! (Well, my grandma suggested the idea, and I liked it because it combined two of my favorite things together)

I happened to read Le Morte D'Arthur if it helps. It featured Gawain (who appears a lot in Arthurian stories), Pelleas, and Ettard.

To explain the story as I remember it, Gawain finds Sir Pelleas watches him for a bit, and then learns of his plight. Pelleas is in love with Ettard, but Ettard spurns him. Every day, or something like it, Ettard sends knights to kill Pelleas, and Pelleas always effortlessly defeats them. He then surrenders, and since Ettard's hired soldiers know they can't defeat him, they tie him up and drag him away to Ettard. Ettard complaints that she wanted him DEAD and then lets him go. Pelleas lets himself be captured all the time so he can see her again.

Gawain agrees to go see Ettard and help out Pelleas win her love. Gawain goes, listens to Ettard, and the two find each other attractive. In the meanwhile Pelleas grows impatient and goes to see what has happened to Gawain. He finds them in a tent asleep next to each other. Angry, Pelleas considers killing them. He doesn't and walks out, resisting again and maybe a third time to go back and kill them. He decides instead to leave his sword placed on them, near their necks I think. Why? Not sure, other than a "I saw you" little note, sure to humiliate. I forget what happens to Gawain after this, but he does continue on as a Knight of uncle King Arthur, until much much much later in this dry and bloated book dies to Lancelot. While Ettard feels intensely regretful to Pelleas and tries to win his heart again. He coldly moves on from her and instead earns the affection of a handmaiden of the Lady of the Lake IIRC.

 

Gareth appears too, as a fairly good knight, but I don't remember the details of him. Bors is chaste and Perceval is a virgin (although he almost had sex with the devil), their abstaining from sex being things that make them with Galahad the only knights who are pure and moral enough lay witness to the Holy Grail. 

And Merlinus is something of an old lech who let Arthur unknowingly have sex with his sister.

[Hanes]

40 minutes ago, Espurrhoodie said:

You [Dragoncat] with biology and science is me with mythology and history.

I love history too, not much so for mythology but it's still cool.

[DarthR0xas]

1 hour ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

I forget what happens to Gawain after this

Oh, it's pretty simple. He uses the sword Pelleas left to cut the tendons in his sword arm, changes his name to Greil, and then starts a mercenary company.

Edited January 19, 2019 by DarthR0xas

[Excellen Browning]

I remember reading a treatise on how elven genitalia look/work in the Tolkien universe somewhere, and someone making a model of an elven penis in response to that.

I'll see if I can dig it up.

[coldhand25]

9 hours ago, Critical Sniper said:

I love history too, not much so for mythology but it's still cool.

Then you are quite the opposite of me in this :) History was the one subject I couldn't learn, no matter how hard I've tried. Mythology, on the other hand, I could remember almost anything I've read in any story, be it about creation, wandering etc. I wish it was the opposite, as mythology knowledge helped oh so little in history exams.

As for the original topic, quite an interesting way to start off my day, but hey, biology was never too far from me, so there is that.

[Espurrhoodie]

10 hours ago, Interdimensional Observer said:

I happened to read Le Morte D'Arthur if it helps. It featured Gawain (who appears a lot in Arthurian stories), Pelleas, and Ettard.

To explain the story as I remember it, Gawain finds Sir Pelleas watches him for a bit, and then learns of his plight. Pelleas is in love with Ettard, but Ettard spurns him. Every day, or something like it, Ettard sends knights to kill Pelleas, and Pelleas always effortlessly defeats them. He then surrenders, and since Ettard's hired soldiers know they can't defeat him, they tie him up and drag him away to Ettard. Ettard complaints that she wanted him DEAD and then lets him go. Pelleas lets himself be captured all the time so he can see her again.

Gawain agrees to go see Ettard and help out Pelleas win her love. Gawain goes, listens to Ettard, and the two find each other attractive. In the meanwhile Pelleas grows impatient and goes to see what has happened to Gawain. He finds them in a tent asleep next to each other. Angry, Pelleas considers killing them. He doesn't and walks out, resisting again and maybe a third time to go back and kill them. He decides instead to leave his sword placed on them, near their necks I think. Why? Not sure, other than a "I saw you" little note, sure to humiliate. I forget what happens to Gawain after this, but he does continue on as a Knight of uncle King Arthur, until much much much later in this dry and bloated book dies to Lancelot. While Ettard feels intensely regretful to Pelleas and tries to win his heart again. He coldly moves on from her and instead earns the affection of a handmaiden of the Lady of the Lake IIRC.

 

Gareth appears too, as a fairly good knight, but I don't remember the details of him. Bors is chaste and Perceval is a virgin (although he almost had sex with the devil), their abstaining from sex being things that make them with Galahad the only knights who are pure and moral enough lay witness to the Holy Grail. 

And Merlinus is something of an old lech who let Arthur unknowingly have sex with his sister.

Dang, this will help me quite a lot.

Even the Arthurian legends had incest.

8 hours ago, DarthR0xas said:

Oh, it's pretty simple. He uses the sword Pelleas left to cut the tendons in his sword arm, changes his name to Greil, and then starts a mercenary company.

This made me laugh.

[Espurrhoodie]

Frick I forgot to reply to Dragoncat's post.

10 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

That's cool too! When it's done I'll read it.

It'll probably take a while since I'm lazy, thankfully, it's not important for my schoolwork, but it counts since I'm homeschooled.

[Dragoncat]

1 hour ago, Espurrhoodie said:

Frick I forgot to reply to Dragoncat's post.

It'll probably take a while since I'm lazy, thankfully, it's not important for my schoolwork, but it counts since I'm homeschooled.

Hey no problem! Just post it when it's done and ping me.

[Dragoncat]

3 hours ago, Excellen Browning said:

I remember reading a treatise on how elven genitalia look/work in the Tolkien universe somewhere, and someone making a model of an elven penis in response to that.

I'll see if I can dig it up.

Well they're humanoid, so wouldn't that look humanoid? Zoras would have retractable ones, I've seen art of Sidon with claspers like a shark...but also art of him with a more humanoid looking package. Basically it's kept inside until it's used, males would have a bulge there because of what's inside.

The entia in Xenoblade can and do breed with homs (basic humanoids) and I say they're based on swans/waterfowl and some ducks have corkscrew shaped genitals, but because of the compatibility with homs, theirs would be basic humanoid too. Entia are basically elves with feathers anyway.

I have way too much interest in this for my own good...

[Excellen Browning]

1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

Well they're humanoid, so wouldn't that look humanoid? Zoras would have retractable ones, I've seen art of Sidon with claspers like a shark...but also art of him with a more humanoid looking package. Basically it's kept inside until it's used, males would have a bulge there because of what's inside.

The entia in Xenoblade can and do breed with homs (basic humanoids) and I say they're based on swans/waterfowl and some ducks have corkscrew shaped genitals, but because of the compatibility with homs, theirs would be basic humanoid too. Entia are basically elves with feathers anyway.

I have way too much interest in this for my own good...

Not quite

First things first: we actually do know what elves called their dicks, because even the glorious JRRT couldn't keep his hands out of his pants. The poetic term (yes, elves seem to have engaged in erotic poetry) would be gwî, but for everyday usage gwib was the preferred term. Puntl is provided as the coarse, moderately transgressive term, and likely what you would be invited to suck if you went down on a male elf. Alas, due to the ban on the Noldorin language, we have no surviving slang for Fëanor's johnson.

Second, if we assume that JRRT's intention is the guiding light for inferred details of the history and function of Arda, we are left with several clues as to the genital features of elves. In early drafts of the Silmarillion and pre-LotR writings that would eventually give rise to the War of the Ring, JRRT called them "gnomes" rather than "elves," a detail that reflects his internal monologue about them and is consistent with his para-LotR writings about them, including mutilations, betrayals, incest, genocide, colonial violence, and misotheistic rebellion. His mental image during the construction of Ardan history was almost certainly closer to the Rankin-Bass imagery than the Peter Jackson interpretation. Thus we are left to interpret the idea of gnomes-- a Paracelsean ideology tied closely to alchemy-- and of their Germanic and Norse equivalents, nature and household spirits that include classic Germanic dweorgs (that is, dwarves) but with the added qualification of tallness as a common indicator of worthiness. 

I discern here between dwarf-figures of Greek and British mythology, which tend to be lusty, massively endowed pranksters, and gnomes/dweorgs, which are rarely cast in a sexual light. Some textual support could be interpreted for the influence of Pan on the elves, given that Silvan elves (and their Rivendell cousins) are singing, dancing, merry-making, traveler-harassing figures throughout the books. If we adhere to this interpretation, elves are probably packing huge veiny wangs that could put your fucking eye out while you're trying to slip em the suck. 

I feel that it is, however, more likely that JRRT would have viewed his elves as more romantic and less sexual. Certainly they reproduce at an exceedingly slow rate and for an incredibly small window of their adult lives. A Panic elf would be extremely unlikely to live for two thousand or more years and sire no more than three or four offspring. For this reason, we are most likely dealing with the less overt sexual characteristics of a Paracelsean elf, which rules out giant Priapus-style horse cocks that are eternally bone-ready, but leaves us with less to go on than we might need, if we're gonna pour a giant silicone elf dick.

Ah, but now we've alluded to reproductive evidence of elvish sexual activity, and down this road we find some very interesting possibilities. For one thing, the gnomes of Paracelsus were closely related to the concept of the homunculus, and tended to be sexless or at most secondary-masculine (think garden gnomes). We can assume, in combination with the romantic, Victorianistic leanings of JRRT, that male elves were not afflicted with unwanted boners, and found it fairly simple to reserve their sexual activity to intramarital intercourse. Additionally, in the extracurricular writing Laws and Customs of the Elves (LACE henceforth), we find some fascinating aspects of elvish sexuality laid bare. Elves are incapable, it seems, of adultery, which actually killsthem. They are also heavily implied to be incapable of masturbation, and are explicitly hesitant to remarry after the death of a spouse, which carries over into the Silmarillion, when Fëanor's father seeks permission from the spirit of his mother (who has died in childbirth) to remarry. Clearly, something about their physiology and/or psychology is not compatible in any way with promiscuity, and the consequences of promiscuity can be literally fatal.

The lethality of sex can, I feel, be best comprehended as an immune function similar to rH incompatibility between mother and fetus. It would, from an evolutionary standpoint, benefit a male elf (ellyn) to be certain that his offspring are actually his own, since their gestation and childhood are protracted and may consume a great deal of resources. This may have resulted in a gradual evolutionary arms race, in which an ellyn might conjugate not only his genetic material but also a dose of antibodies and/or chimeric B-cells, which are keyed to attack all sperm without his specific antigen set. In return, the female elf (or elleth) might perhaps develop her own antibody/B-cell dosage, but this begs the question of how to confer them to the male, since transmission of microbes from vagina to penis is much less reliable than the inverse. I am getting a horrible idea and I will refer back to this concept in a moment.

So assuming that extramarital sex results in autoimmune-induced death similar to anaphylaxis in mechanism, we ask ourselves: what about the other compelling aspect of elvish sexuality, that of interbreeding with humans? Leaving out the question of DNA compatibility-- which is demonstrated in canon, and which we must accept as legitimate if we are to consider this topic at all-- we have a disturbing question to address. We have multiple incidents throughout the history of Beleriand and Middle-Earth of elven/human offspring, all of which occur between a Man and an elleth. Given that the two species are capable of creating not only hybrids but fertile hybrids (Elrond produced three offspring), it is foolish to imagine that in all of Ardan history there was never a potential ellyn-woman romance that resulted in offspring, unless there was something preventing reproduction between ellyn and woman that did not exist between man and elleth. The safest bet is not that all ellyn-woman romances remained chaste-- anyone who's met a teenager can tell you better than that-- but that ellyn-woman sexual activity is incapable of producing offspring.

This is extremely unusual, as the most obvious reason for sex-discriminant infertility is more likely to favor female humans than male humans. Human ova contain mitochondria, while human sperm consume their mitochondrial power for motility and do not confer mitochondrial DNA to their offspring. Either something is happening on an immune/cellular level, which would seem to conflict with our immunological theory of lethal adultery, or something is happening on the mechanical level-- something which is, perhaps, related to the transference of female immune material to the male partner.

Perhaps, to put it crudely, the ellyn just can't get it up.

In humans, the penis consists of several structures of erectile tissue which cradle the urethra between them. This specialized tissue is capable of interrupting venous return, creating penile engorgement and thus erection by trapping blood within the corpus cavernosum. This tissue is notoriously indiscriminant about stimuli, making it easy for male humans to ejaculate without even the participation of another human. Elves, on the other hand, can't even masturbate, an activity so universal among species with external genitalia that it's almost unimaginable for a species capable of poetry to be incapable of wanking. And yet human males can couple with elven females. This implies some weird-ass shit, so I suggest you pour yourself that drink right now.

Male elves achieve erection by external constriction. To have sex, they need some biological equivalent of a cock ring. Whether their penises are "innies" or just flaccid except during intercourse, they are incapable of restricting venous return on their own... and yet the elven vulva must be compatible to some degree with penetration, or else man/elleth coupling wouldn't produce offspring. One may, if one is willing to consider extreme possibilities, entertain the idea that the elven vulva may exhibit some mechanical trait that assists the ellyn in achieving erection by constriction, by restricting venous return through strangulation.

Something that would not put off human males universally, although it might make man/elleth couplings more rare and account for the relative scarcity of elf/human offspring.

Something that would make it impossible for an ellyn to penetrate a woman, or to achieve orgasm and ejaculation with a human female.

Something that would even allow the ellyn to contribute internal disposition of antibodies and B-cells reliably, potentially through urethral penetration of the penis.

The elvish vulva, my friends, consists of outer labia, inner labia, a vaginal vestibule opening on a penetrable vaginal canal, and a set of tentacles.

In elven intercourse, the vulval tentacles constrict and penetrate the flaccid penis, simultaneously permitting/inducing erection and depositing immune bodies deep in the genitourinary tract, most likely the bladder, where they can swim up the ureters to the renal anastomosis and infiltrate the bloodstream. The erect elvish penis is then able to deposit its genetic-- and immune-- material within the vagina. Human females, having no corollary to these tentacles, can arouse a male elf and even engage in non-PIV sexual activity, but can never obtain genetic material from male elves, and therefore no ellyn/woman pregnancies occur.

For human females, this means you can have a hot elf boyfriend that can never get you pregnant, but he's likely to leave you eventually for somebody who can actually get him off. Male elves probably got the fuck around in Middle-Earth, since they could chow down on human pussy for decades before settling down with a nice elleth who would get knocked up as soon as they exchanged fluids.

For human males, this means that you're totally capable of landing a hot lady elf, as long as you don't mind her tentacles crawling up your dick every time you shark her in the ass while she's asleep, and as long as you don't mind that she can totally cheat on you and in fact might have chosen to fuck you specifically because she can screw around behind your back without breaking out in a fatal case of hives. 

Aragorn was one kinky-ass fucker.

And if you read all the way through this drunken, giggling spiel, the silicone elf dick you're looking for is of normal to generous proportion, but it's strangled up and down with simulated tentacles, or at least constricted by a really tight cock ring.


I thought way the fuck too much about this. I consulted the LACE about this. Fuck every last one of you for goading me into this nightmare of grisly overanalytic humiliation. I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

[Dragoncat]

40 minutes ago, Excellen Browning said:

Not quite

Why the hell does it need to be like that omg. I skimmed it because it's kind of a wall of text.

I mean I guess if they're immortal, males being unable to mate without a helper device would maybe keep them from overpopulating? Immortality is a problem in itself...any race that's immortal is going to run into problems. Poor boys though omg.

For the record, feather elves/entia live on average 400 years. Robo people/machina can reach ages in the thousands but I don't think immortality is a thing with them, at least I hope not.

Also entia/homs hybrids are still entia, but with smaller headwings. You know Melia? Yeah, she's actually half homs. Interesting tidbit there. The son I created for her has the standard size wings because his father is a pure bred entia. If the father was a homs, kiddo would have small wings and I assume another half entia, it'd be like, 50/50 chance of either.

Dunno if you played Xenoblade but if you did yes I did get to the post Mechonis core spoiler thing about the feather elves. My stuff is an AU...mostly.

[Excellen Browning]

The Elves aren't immortal. They just live for a few thousand years.

[Dragoncat]

5 hours ago, Excellen Browning said:

The Elves aren't immortal. They just live for a few thousand years.

Huh, that must be Eragon elves that are immortal then. I was sure they were based on Tolkien elves.