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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix


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2 hours ago, Azure in a Roundabout said:

As in, different from the Owain one?

Just know that it’ll be a time crunch.

yeah it would be my own world and everything and it wouldn’t be an official entry but it'd follow the prompt a little more traditionally. Anyway here's some feedback of a couple of the stories I've read.

@Jotari's "The Armada"

Spoiler

I overall enjoyed this one. Koen's philosophy was really interesting and thought provoking as he prioritizes practicality and logic over emotion. As horrid and insane a philosophy as it was, it's hard to argue against cause he's got a point. I truly understood what kind of person he is and where he's coming from. I love villains like him because of the philosophies and ideas they present. That said, the story did feel a little info dumpy. I mean the info itself was interesting and delivered in a natural manner but at the end of the day it was an info dump. I honestly feel there wasn't enough happening and as you said the POV character felt really unnecessary? like it just feels he didn't do much nor did we get enough of his character. The reporter kinda just feels like a stand in for the reader rather than actual character with their own thoughts and opinions. I feel if you had characterized him better and gave us more of his internal thoughts and opnions, I feel the story would've been much better.

@Anacybele's "More Than a Friend"

Spoiler

I think Jotari summed up my thoughts on this piece pretty well like weird unatural dialogue and a rather weak conflict. Though a couple things I'd like to add. I feel too much focus was put on the relationship between Judo and Kelli rather than the actual conflict between Judo and Garrick which made the whole conflict feel kinda shoehorned which is reinforced even more by the fact that like they only talk about what just happened for like two sentences before the focus is again shifted to romance. Again it feels like the conflict has no real weight to it and feels unnecessary because of that. I feel like had you removed Garrick from the story nothing would've really changed. Like Jotari said, Judo assaulted a high ranking officer shouldn't he be a bit more worried about the consequences? Again I just feel like the romance was too big of a focus and not the actual conflict with the villain which makes it feel tacked on. 

@TheSilentChloey's "Removal"

Spoiler

Alright I guess way to describe my thoughts on this is that it felt rushed. There was so much jumping around from scene to scene without really anything in the way of explaining things to the reader and allowing them to process the information. I mean things just kind of happen and I barely have any idea as to what. All I got out of this there are vampires and hunters who hunt them with special powers or something. I liked what I assumed to be the villain but again everything happened so fast that I could barely comprehend what I was reading. A product of rushed development I suppose.

@SoulWeaver's "BEHOLD A CONCEPT!"

Spoiler

Honestly this wasn't bad a tad confusing but overall not bad at all. I enjoyed it. There was action, tension, conflict, mystery, and all that good stuff. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely invested in the world you created and I wanna know more. I love how you gave just enough information in order to convey the conflict and create tension but left enough up to reader interpretation to create a sense of mystery and hunger for more. I really don't have much else to say here. It was good if only a little "off-prompt" but even then it's open enough for you to make your own interpretations on who the actual villain is.

@Shoblongoo's "AVAST, YE SCURVY DOGS"

Spoiler

An entertaining piece to say the least. I enjoyed and love how you presented Hellfish. He's just an entertaining force of nature and I love it. He just wants a good fight and so he travels around trying to find it. Again not much else to say other than it was entertaining though at points felt a little info-dumpy but that was kinda the point so eh.

 

Edited by Ottservia
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...Well, I'm sorry you both feel my entry is so bad (I'm assuming, anyway, since you had nothing good to say about it). I can't say I understand this since I recently had a winning piece. Obviously I can't win every time and I don't want to, but you'd think I can still be consistent with the quality. :/

Anyway, those things you pointed out were intentional. The focus is not meant to be mainly on Garrick, it's on Judo's feelings for Kelli and how he handles sexism towards her since she is a rare female Hylian warrior. I felt it clever to use that status to do a scenario where she and Judo are being met with sexist views.

Also, as for how Garrick spoke to Judo, he's a sexist SOB and a bully. What did you expect? xP He doesn't care to be respectful. Did you notice that he didn't refer to Kelli as Lady while he did say Sir for Link? He's an ass.

I could agree with critique I got here in the past, but I can't this time, I'm sorry to say.

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6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Anyway, those things you pointed out were intentional. The focus is not meant to be mainly on Garrick, it's on Judo's feelings for Kelli and how he handles sexism towards her since she is a rare female Hylian warrior. I felt it clever to use that status to do a scenario where she and Judo are being met with sexist views.

I understood fully what your intent was but that doesn't change the fact that Garrick felt unnecessary. I dunno the conflict with Garrick just feels so hamfisted and forced. It just kinda felt like Garrick himself was an afterthought and kinda sort of slapped onto the story at the last minute. He just walks up says some rude stuff and gets smacked. He exits the story as soon as he arrives and the fact they hardly dwell on anything he said or what just happened makes the whole thing feel shallow and meaningless. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little too negative and for what's it worth I did enjoy the relationship between Judo and Kelli. It was cute. However I feel you could've done a better job to organically meld the conflict into the story.

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37 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I understood fully what your intent was but that doesn't change the fact that Garrick felt unnecessary. I dunno the conflict with Garrick just feels so hamfisted and forced. It just kinda felt like Garrick himself was an afterthought and kinda sort of slapped onto the story at the last minute. He just walks up says some rude stuff and gets smacked. He exits the story as soon as he arrives and the fact they hardly dwell on anything he said or what just happened makes the whole thing feel shallow and meaningless. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little too negative and for what's it worth I did enjoy the relationship between Judo and Kelli. It was cute. However I feel you could've done a better job to organically meld the conflict into the story.

Okay, I think I understand a bit more now. I guess maybe I took the idea of just introducing a villain a bit too literally here too, like I did with your entry. I just wanted to introduce someone with the potential to give my protagonist characters more trouble later, rather than flesh him out right away or whatnot.

Still disappoints me that I couldn't be consistent with my story quality though. I felt so good having a piece people really really liked last time, so I felt I should be able to pump out more good works like that one, winners or not. I want to write stuff in here that people will enjoy, that's all. Doesn't matter if I win or lose. :P

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3 hours ago, Ottservia said:

yeah it would be my own world and everything and it wouldn’t be an official entry but it'd follow the prompt a little more traditionally. Anyway here's some feedback of a couple of the stories I've read.

@Jotari's "The Armada"

  Reveal hidden contents

I overall enjoyed this one. Koen's philosophy was really interesting and thought provoking as he prioritizes practicality and logic over emotion. As horrid and insane a philosophy as it was, it's hard to argue against cause he's got a point. I truly understood what kind of person he is and where he's coming from. I love villains like him because of the philosophies and ideas they present. That said, the story did feel a little info dumpy. I mean the info itself was interesting and delivered in a natural manner but at the end of the day it was an info dump. I honestly feel there wasn't enough happening and as you said the POV character felt really unnecessary? like it just feels he didn't do much nor did we get enough of his character. The reporter kinda just feels like a stand in for the reader rather than actual character with their own thoughts and opinions. I feel if you had characterized him better and gave us more of his internal thoughts and opnions, I feel the story would've been much better.

@Anacybele's "More Than a Friend"

  Reveal hidden contents

I think Jotari summed up my thoughts on this piece pretty well like weird unatural dialogue and a rather weak conflict. Though a couple things I'd like to add. I feel too much focus was put on the relationship between Judo and Kelli rather than the actual conflict between Judo and Garrick which made the whole conflict feel kinda shoehorned which is reinforced even more by the fact that like they only talk about what just happened for like two sentences before the focus is again shifted to romance. Again it feels like the conflict has no real weight to it and feels unnecessary because of that. I feel like had you removed Garrick from the story nothing would've really changed. Like Jotari said, Judo assaulted a high ranking officer shouldn't he be a bit more worried about the consequences? Again I just feel like the romance was too big of a focus and not the actual conflict with the villain which makes it feel tacked on. 

@TheSilentChloey's "Removal"

  Reveal hidden contents

Alright I guess way to describe my thoughts on this is that it felt rushed. There was so much jumping around from scene to scene without really anything in the way of explaining things to the reader and allowing them to process the information. I mean things just kind of happen and I barely have any idea as to what. All I got out of this there are vampires and hunters who hunt them with special powers or something. I liked what I assumed to be the villain but again everything happened so fast that I could barely comprehend what I was reading. A product of rushed development I suppose.

@SoulWeaver's "BEHOLD A CONCEPT!"

  Reveal hidden contents

Honestly this wasn't bad a tad confusing but overall not bad at all. I enjoyed it. There was action, tension, conflict, mystery, and all that good stuff. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely invested in the world you created and I wanna know more. I love how you gave just enough information in order to convey the conflict and create tension but left enough up to reader interpretation to create a sense of mystery and hunger for more. I really don't have much else to say here. It was good if only a little "off-prompt" but even then it's open enough for you to make your own interpretations on who the actual villain is.

@Shoblongoo's "AVAST, YE SCURVY DOGS"

  Reveal hidden contents

An entertaining piece to say the least. I enjoyed and love how you presented Hellfish. He's just an entertaining force of nature and I love it. He just wants a good fight and so he travels around trying to find it. Again not much else to say other than it was entertaining though at points felt a little info-dumpy but that was kinda the point so eh.

 

Yeah perhaps the original entry would have been a hell of lot better- however due to complaints I removed the original entry.

Here it is for reference:

Spoiler

The sky was overcast when the ferry finally pulled up to the dock.  Chrom could feel the ominous air even though he was supposed to be focused on what they were here to do.  His tactician, Robin nervously fiddled with her fringe exposing her missing eye, “I've got a bad feeling about this Chrom.” She said as she adjusted her coat, “A really bad feeling about this.”

“We'll have what we need...after all Plegia must see how much this war will affect them as well.” Chrom reasoned,

“I...I miss Caleb, Chrom.  I'm worried about my son.” Robin voiced, “I know that the nursemaids are caring for him but…”

Chrom understood how she felt, “Yes well, hopefully we'll end this war and be back home to our children before we miss too much more of their lives.”

“Milord, Lady Robin.” Frederick approached, “Are you ready?”

Robin ran her fingers through her short bob and sighed, “As ready as we can be Frederick.  Let us hope that the new King will be more reasonable than Gangrel.” She said as she once again became uneasy and fiddled with her coat.

“Yes, let us hope that is the case.” Chrom said calmly and he gave the Shepherds the order to wait for the three.  Chrom felt it unwise to have the full Shepherds present but with Robin and Frederick he knew they would be able to handle most of what was in their way...he hoped.  He had a promise to keep to Maribelle after all and he knew his wife was unhappy about being left behind.

 

The doors of Carrion Castle swung open with a gigantic creaking sound, as if the Plegians had only just thought to use the place.  A cold wind blew through the building and Chrom had to resist the urge to shiver. Robin was tense as they stepped into the main hall.

 

There was a lot of ornate carpets and drapes.  Indeed the place looked like it had been only recently refurbished, servants moved to and fro practically ignoring the Ylisseans and their Plegian guide.

 

They came to a massive chamber, that was very...Grimleal.  All about the walls were symbols of worship to the Fell Dragon Grima.  The dragon's form even adorned the centre of the chamber- leading to the roof in an almost dizzying upward spiral.

 

Everything that the eye could see was all either a rich purple or dark colours.

 

Chrom felt even more uneasy than Robin did.  His tactician shifted from foot to foot as they passed the massive dragon and Chrom wondered if it was just him or did the head actually move to track them as they walked into the Castle's great hall.

 

He shook it off and followed the guide.

 

~~~

 

The great hall was huge.

 

Chrom noticed that Aversa was stood not too far away from them.  She saw them and said in her most sweetest tone, “Good day Milord.” And Chrom felt ill just looking at the woman who lived while his sister did not.  He barely kept himself in check- thank gods for Robin being there- and said,

“Aversa...how...pleasant to see you in good health.”

Aversa smirked widely, “What can I say, it seems fate has designs for me yet.”

Frederick spoke, “You serve King Validar?  They say the man is Grimleal.”

Aversa raised an eyebrow, "Why, yes, I do.  As for Lord Validar being Grimleal, indeed he is.  My liege often says it was his faith that helped him through Gangrel's passing.  There had been talk of an official visit to Ylisse once things settled down but, well you know how volatile things are in Valm right now.” Aversa said calmly, “And that they would be such a headache to deal with-” she glanced to her left, “Ah, my liege!”

A tall thin man appeared as if from the shadows, his short dark hair peppered with grey hairs.  He looked almost like a risen and Chrom felt uneasy as the man looked almost identical- no he was identical to the man Chrom had killed on the night that Marth and Kris had come to warn him that Emmeryn was in danger of being attacked by assassins.  It took all of Chrom's control not to jolt in shock.

 

The conversation, if it could be called that took a long time.  Words exchanged as the Plegian King agreed to give Ylisse all the ships she needed and yes, they would fund the campaign.  It was near the end that King Validar spoke and said, “Ah, I am getting ahead of myself again. We have...one more individual to introduce to you.  Our Hierophant, the highest of his order in all of Plegia.”

Chrom was confused but near jumped at the steady unhurried footfalls of a hooded figure that appeared from behind them.  The coat was almost identical to Robin's, but whomever this was clearly was a lot shorter than Validar but almost as tall as Chrom.  The man came to a stop and Chrom didn't know why but just the mere presence of this man was enough to make Chrom feel...afraid, very afraid.

 

“Is this really necessary Validar?” The man asked, his voice cold and emotionless.  Chrom was surprised that the Hierophant called Validar by his name and not even mentioning the man's title, “I was having the most...peaceful afternoon, surely you can handle having a few guests to look after?” There was a slight hint of anger in the man's voice and Chrom felt the ice sink into his gut when the Hierophant turned to them.

 

Chrom was like a deer before a bear.  He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Then the man's voice sounded amused, “Hmm...Ylissean Royalty huh?  Well, well, well .  I suppose I should mind my manners.” Two hands casually reached up and Chrom did a double take when the Hierophant's hood fell off his face, “Though we are far from Ylisse.” He said, with a sadistic smirk on his face.

 

The man that stood before them had almost pure white hair, wavy with a stubborn cowlick at the back.  His eyes were blood red, just like Validar's, indeed their general shape seemed to match a bit...too well.  The man's nose was exactly like Robin's, small. He had Robin's cheekbones and general facial structure, though he wasn't as pale as she was.  Chrom couldn't believe it was even possible for Caleb to have grown that much, though judging by the man's smirk Chrom realised maybe this wasn't who he thought it was.  The Hierophant continued, “I suppose you should be on your way, given that you have preparations to take care of.” he smirked more widely and Chrom swore he saw fangs glistening in the light of the torches, “The high roads are especially dangerous this time of year…”

 

Chrom had never felt so thoroughly afraid in his life.

 

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1 hour ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Yeah perhaps the original entry would have been a hell of lot better- however due to complaints I removed the original entry.

Here it is for reference:

  Reveal hidden contents

The sky was overcast when the ferry finally pulled up to the dock.  Chrom could feel the ominous air even though he was supposed to be focused on what they were here to do.  His tactician, Robin nervously fiddled with her fringe exposing her missing eye, “I've got a bad feeling about this Chrom.” She said as she adjusted her coat, “A really bad feeling about this.”

“We'll have what we need...after all Plegia must see how much this war will affect them as well.” Chrom reasoned,

“I...I miss Caleb, Chrom.  I'm worried about my son.” Robin voiced, “I know that the nursemaids are caring for him but…”

Chrom understood how she felt, “Yes well, hopefully we'll end this war and be back home to our children before we miss too much more of their lives.”

“Milord, Lady Robin.” Frederick approached, “Are you ready?”

Robin ran her fingers through her short bob and sighed, “As ready as we can be Frederick.  Let us hope that the new King will be more reasonable than Gangrel.” She said as she once again became uneasy and fiddled with her coat.

“Yes, let us hope that is the case.” Chrom said calmly and he gave the Shepherds the order to wait for the three.  Chrom felt it unwise to have the full Shepherds present but with Robin and Frederick he knew they would be able to handle most of what was in their way...he hoped.  He had a promise to keep to Maribelle after all and he knew his wife was unhappy about being left behind.

 

The doors of Carrion Castle swung open with a gigantic creaking sound, as if the Plegians had only just thought to use the place.  A cold wind blew through the building and Chrom had to resist the urge to shiver. Robin was tense as they stepped into the main hall.

 

There was a lot of ornate carpets and drapes.  Indeed the place looked like it had been only recently refurbished, servants moved to and fro practically ignoring the Ylisseans and their Plegian guide.

 

They came to a massive chamber, that was very...Grimleal.  All about the walls were symbols of worship to the Fell Dragon Grima.  The dragon's form even adorned the centre of the chamber- leading to the roof in an almost dizzying upward spiral.

 

Everything that the eye could see was all either a rich purple or dark colours.

 

Chrom felt even more uneasy than Robin did.  His tactician shifted from foot to foot as they passed the massive dragon and Chrom wondered if it was just him or did the head actually move to track them as they walked into the Castle's great hall.

 

He shook it off and followed the guide.

 

~~~

 

The great hall was huge.

 

Chrom noticed that Aversa was stood not too far away from them.  She saw them and said in her most sweetest tone, “Good day Milord.” And Chrom felt ill just looking at the woman who lived while his sister did not.  He barely kept himself in check- thank gods for Robin being there- and said,

“Aversa...how...pleasant to see you in good health.”

Aversa smirked widely, “What can I say, it seems fate has designs for me yet.”

Frederick spoke, “You serve King Validar?  They say the man is Grimleal.”

Aversa raised an eyebrow, "Why, yes, I do.  As for Lord Validar being Grimleal, indeed he is.  My liege often says it was his faith that helped him through Gangrel's passing.  There had been talk of an official visit to Ylisse once things settled down but, well you know how volatile things are in Valm right now.” Aversa said calmly, “And that they would be such a headache to deal with-” she glanced to her left, “Ah, my liege!”

A tall thin man appeared as if from the shadows, his short dark hair peppered with grey hairs.  He looked almost like a risen and Chrom felt uneasy as the man looked almost identical- no he was identical to the man Chrom had killed on the night that Marth and Kris had come to warn him that Emmeryn was in danger of being attacked by assassins.  It took all of Chrom's control not to jolt in shock.

 

The conversation, if it could be called that took a long time.  Words exchanged as the Plegian King agreed to give Ylisse all the ships she needed and yes, they would fund the campaign.  It was near the end that King Validar spoke and said, “Ah, I am getting ahead of myself again. We have...one more individual to introduce to you.  Our Hierophant, the highest of his order in all of Plegia.”

Chrom was confused but near jumped at the steady unhurried footfalls of a hooded figure that appeared from behind them.  The coat was almost identical to Robin's, but whomever this was clearly was a lot shorter than Validar but almost as tall as Chrom.  The man came to a stop and Chrom didn't know why but just the mere presence of this man was enough to make Chrom feel...afraid, very afraid.

 

“Is this really necessary Validar?” The man asked, his voice cold and emotionless.  Chrom was surprised that the Hierophant called Validar by his name and not even mentioning the man's title, “I was having the most...peaceful afternoon, surely you can handle having a few guests to look after?” There was a slight hint of anger in the man's voice and Chrom felt the ice sink into his gut when the Hierophant turned to them.

 

Chrom was like a deer before a bear.  He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Then the man's voice sounded amused, “Hmm...Ylissean Royalty huh?  Well, well, well .  I suppose I should mind my manners.” Two hands casually reached up and Chrom did a double take when the Hierophant's hood fell off his face, “Though we are far from Ylisse.” He said, with a sadistic smirk on his face.

 

The man that stood before them had almost pure white hair, wavy with a stubborn cowlick at the back.  His eyes were blood red, just like Validar's, indeed their general shape seemed to match a bit...too well.  The man's nose was exactly like Robin's, small. He had Robin's cheekbones and general facial structure, though he wasn't as pale as she was.  Chrom couldn't believe it was even possible for Caleb to have grown that much, though judging by the man's smirk Chrom realised maybe this wasn't who he thought it was.  The Hierophant continued, “I suppose you should be on your way, given that you have preparations to take care of.” he smirked more widely and Chrom swore he saw fangs glistening in the light of the torches, “The high roads are especially dangerous this time of year…”

 

Chrom had never felt so thoroughly afraid in his life.

 

Yeah the original entry is MUCH better and I only just quickly skimmed over it. 

Also I must ask again why do I have two votes? My story is rushed and sloppy. I mean it’s not bad but it’s most definitely not my best work.

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1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

Yeah the original entry is MUCH better and I only just quickly skimmed over it. 

Also I must ask again why do I have two votes? My story is rushed and sloppy. I mean it’s not bad but it’s most definitely not my best work.

I thoroughly enjoyed it and I'm guessing that others agreed with me that it was a great read.

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3 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I thoroughly enjoyed it and I'm guessing that others agreed with me that it was a great read.

I suppose maybe I’m being too hard on myself. It still feels good to know people enjoyed it though. I just feel a second draft would’ve made it better

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I had a hard time reading it with the grammar errors, personally, and as I said, I don't think it fit the prompt well enough. I agree it would've been much better with a second draft and all. It had potential to be a really cute story if given the right care and circumstances.

Edited by Anacybele
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@Dragoncat, Thanks for the lols mate XD bonus points for the line Freddie pulled off XD:

Spoiler

Da sky was overcast when tha ferry finally pulled up ta tha dock.  Chrom could feel tha ominous air even though da thug was supposed ta be focused on what tha fuck they was here ta do.  His tactician, Robin nervously fiddled wit her fringe exposin her missin eye, "I've gots a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass feelin bout dis Chrom." Biatch holla'd as she adjusted her coat, "A straight-up shitty feelin bout this."
"We bout ta have what tha fuck we need...afta all Plegia must peep how tha fuck much dis war will affect dem as well." Chrom reasoned,
"I...I miss Caleb, Chrom.  I be worried bout mah son." Robin voiced, "I know dat tha nursemaidz is carin fo' his ass but…"
Chrom understood how tha fuck she felt, "Yes yes y'all, well, hopefully we'll end dis war n' be back home ta our lil pimps before we miss too much mo' of they lives."
"Milord, Lady Robin." Frederick approached, "Is you ready?"
Robin ran her fingers all up in her short bob n' sighed, "As locked n loaded as we can be Frederick.  Let our asses hope dat tha freshly smoked up Mackdaddy is ghon be mo' reasonable than Gangrel." Biatch holla'd as she once again n' again n' again became uneasy n' fiddled wit her coat.
"Yes, let our asses hope dat is tha case." Chrom holla'd calmly n' he gave tha Shepherdz tha order ta wait fo' tha three.  Chrom felt it unwise ta have tha full Shepherdz present but wit Robin n' Frederick he knew they would be able ta handle most of what tha fuck was up in they way...he hoped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!  Dude had a promise ta keep ta Maribelle afta all n' he knew his hoe was unaiiight bout bein left behind.

Da doorz of Carrion Castle swung open wit a gigantic creakin sound, as if tha Plegians had only just thought ta use tha place.  A cold wind blew all up in tha buildin n' Chrom had ta resist tha urge ta shiver n' shit. Robin was tense as they stepped tha fuck into tha main hall.

There was a shitload of ornate carpets n' drapes.  Indeed tha place looked like it had been only recently refurbished, servants moved ta n' fro practically ignorin tha Ylisseans n' they Plegian guide.

They came ta a massive chamber, dat was hella...Grimleal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.  All bout tha walls was symbolz of worshizzle ta tha Fell Dragon Grima. Da dragonz form even adorned tha centre of tha chamber- leadin ta tha roof up in a almost dizzyin upward spiral.

Everythang dat tha eye could peep was all either a rich purple or dark colours.

Chrom felt even mo' uneasy than Robin done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!  His tactician shifted from foot ta foot as they passed tha massive dragon n' Chrom wondered if dat shiznit was just his ass or did tha head straight-up move ta track dem as they strutted tha fuck into tha Castlez pimped out hall.

Dude shook it off n' followed tha guide.


~

Da pimped out hall was huge.

Chrom noticed dat Aversa was stood not too far away from dem wild-ass muthafuckas.  Biatch saw dem n' holla'd up in her most dopeest tone, "Dope dizzle Milord." And Chrom felt ill just lookin all up in tha biatch whoz ass lived while his sista did not.  Dude barely kept his dirty ass up in check- give props ta godz fo' Robin bein there- n' holla'd,
"Aversa...how...pleasant ta peep you up in phat health."
Aversa smirked widely, "What can I say, it seems fate has designs fo' me yet."
Frederick spoke, "Yo ass serve Mackdaddy Validar, biatch?  They say tha playa is Grimleal."
Aversa raised a eyebrow, "Why, fo'sho, I do.  As fo' Lord Validar bein Grimleal, indeed he is.  My fuckin liege often say dat shiznit was his wild lil' faith dat helped his ass all up in Gangrelz passing.  There had been rap of a straight-up legit visit ta Ylisse once thangs settled down but, well you know how tha fuck volatile thangs is up in Valm n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do." Aversa holla'd calmly, "And dat they would be such a headache ta deal with-" she glanced ta her left, "Ah, mah liege!"
A tall thin playa rocked up as if from tha shadows, his short dark afro peppered wit grey hairs.  Dude looked almost like a risen n' Chrom felt uneasy as tha playa looked almost identical- no da thug was identical ta tha playa Chrom had capped on tha night dat Marth n' Kris had come ta warn his ass dat Emmeryn was up in dark shiznit of bein beat down by assassins.  It took all of Chromz control not ta jolt up in shock.

 

Da conversation, if it could be called dat took a long-ass time.  Lyrics exchanged as tha Plegian Mackdaddy agreed ta give Ylisse all tha ships she needed n' fo'sho, they would fund tha campaign. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.  Dat shiznit was near tha end dat Mackdaddy Validar was rappin n' holla'd, "Ah, I be gettin ahead of mah dirty ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Our thugged-out asses have...one mo' individual ta introduce ta you, biatch.  Our Hierophant, tha highest of his order up in all of Plegia."
Chrom was trippin but near jumped all up in tha steady unhurried footfallz of a hooded figure dat rocked up from behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas.  Da coat was almost identical ta Robinz yo, but whomever dis was clearly was a shitload shorta than Validar but almost as tall as Chrom. Da playa came ta a stop n' Chrom didn't give a fuck why but just tha mere presence of dis playa was enough ta make Chrom feel...afraid, straight-up afraid.

"Is dis straight-up necessary Validar?" Da playa asked, his voice cold n' emotionless.  Chrom was surprised dat tha Hierophant called Validar by his name n' not even mentionin tha manz title, "I was havin da most thugged-out...peaceful afternoon, surely you can handle havin all dem guests ta look after?" There was a slight hint of anger up in tha manz voice n' Chrom felt tha ice sink tha fuck into his wild lil' freakadelic gut when tha Hierophant turned ta dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

Chrom was like a thugged-out deer before a funky-ass bear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.  Dude couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Then tha manz voice sounded amused, "Hmm...Ylissean Royalty huh, biatch?  Well, well, well. I suppose I should mind mah manners." Two handz casually reached up n' Chrom did a thugged-out double take when tha Hierophantz hood fell tha git tha fuck outta mah grill wit dat bullshit his wild lil' face, "Though we is far from Ylisse." Dude holla'd, wit a sadistic smirk on his wild lil' face.

Da playa dat stood before dem had almost pure white hair, wavy wit a stubborn cowlick all up in tha back.  His eyes was blood red, just like Validar's, indeed they general shape seemed ta match a funky-ass bit...too well.  Da manz nozzle was exactly like Robin's, small. Dude had Robinz cheekbones n' general facial structure, though da thug wasn't as pale as dat biiiiatch was.  Chrom couldn't believe dat shiznit was even possible fo' Caleb ta have grown dat much, though judgin by tha manz smirk Chrom realised maybe dis wasn't whoz ass tha pimpin' muthafucka thought it was.  Da Hierophant continued, "I suppose you should be on yo' way, given dat you have preparations ta take care of." da perved-out muthafucka smirked mo' widely n' Chrom swore da perved-out muthafucka saw fangs glistenin up in tha light of tha torches, "Da high roadz is especially fucked up dis time of year…"

Chrom had never felt so thoroughly afraid up in his wild lil' freakadelic game.

 

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4 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Okay, I think I understand a bit more now. I guess maybe I took the idea of just introducing a villain a bit too literally here too, like I did with your entry. I just wanted to introduce someone with the potential to give my protagonist characters more trouble later, rather than flesh him out right away or whatnot.

I wouldn’t say you took it too literally. I think it fit with the prompt fine enough. The story just doesn’t seem to flow as well as it should. The relationship between Judo and Kelli is well established which adds weight and understanding to the conflict with Garrick. The problem I feel is what happens next where it just kinda goes like “and then they left and talked about some other stuff” rather than “judo did a bad so he had to hide(or something)” if there’s one thing I’ve learned about storytelling is that every story beat/plot point should be connected with a “but” or a “therefore/so” rather than “and then”

4 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Still disappoints me that I couldn't be consistent with my story quality though. I felt so good having a piece people really really liked last time, so I felt I should be able to pump out more good works like that one, winners or not. I want to write stuff in here that people will enjoy, that's all. Doesn't matter if I win or lose. :P

I get that. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail that’s just how life is. You just gotta learn from that failure and see what you can do to do better next time.

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5 hours ago, Anacybele said:

...Well, I'm sorry you both feel my entry is so bad (I'm assuming, anyway, since you had nothing good to say about it). I can't say I understand this since I recently had a winning piece. Obviously I can't win every time and I don't want to, but you'd think I can still be consistent with the quality. :/

Anyway, those things you pointed out were intentional. The focus is not meant to be mainly on Garrick, it's on Judo's feelings for Kelli and how he handles sexism towards her since she is a rare female Hylian warrior. I felt it clever to use that status to do a scenario where she and Judo are being met with sexist views.

Also, as for how Garrick spoke to Judo, he's a sexist SOB and a bully. What did you expect? xP He doesn't care to be respectful. Did you notice that he didn't refer to Kelli as Lady while he did say Sir for Link? He's an ass.

I could agree with critique I got here in the past, but I can't this time, I'm sorry to say.

i would expect a soldier to have outward respect to someone of a higher rank than them (even if privately they have no respect, say if the person is younger than them which is probably the case here). The only thing I can conclude that happened after this story is that Garrick was stripped of his rank and knocked back down to private or even dismissed from the military entirely. It makes me question how he even became a captain in the first place. Yeah, people are asshats. But if you're an ass to the wrong person then you lose your job.

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22 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I wouldn’t say you took it too literally. I think it fit with the prompt fine enough. The story just doesn’t seem to flow as well as it should. The relationship between Judo and Kelli is well established which adds weight and understanding to the conflict with Garrick. The problem I feel is what happens next where it just kinda goes like “and then they left and talked about some other stuff” rather than “judo did a bad so he had to hide(or something)” if there’s one thing I’ve learned about storytelling is that every story beat/plot point should be connected with a “but” or a “therefore/so” rather than “and then”

Ohhh. I see what you mean. Yeah, I guess that could've been done better then. I probably should've thrown more in about what consequences both Judo and Garrick would face.

22 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I get that. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail that’s just how life is. You just gotta learn from that failure and see what you can do to do better next time.

Yeah, that is definitely true.

8 minutes ago, Jotari said:

i would expect a soldier to have outward respect to someone of a higher rank than them (even if privately they have no respect, say if the person is younger than them which is probably the case here). The only thing I can conclude that happened after this story is that Garrick was stripped of his rank and knocked back down to private or even dismissed from the military entirely. It makes me question how he even became a captain in the first place. Yeah, people are asshats. But if you're an ass to the wrong person then you lose your job.

And you conclude correctly. Eventually I would have Garrick stripped of his rank, furthering his hatred of Kelli and Judo, and that would make him even more of a villain for those two to contend with sometimes. He'd hold a grudge for having his butt canned and also having been one-upped by a woman carrying a sword. Also, you'd be surprised at how well people can hide their true colors/intentions.

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2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Ohhh. I see what you mean. Yeah, I guess that could've been done better then. I probably should've thrown more in about what consequences both Judo and Garrick would face.

Yeah, that is definitely true.

And you conclude correctly. Eventually I would have Garrick stripped of his rank, furthering his hatred of Kelli and Judo, and that would make him even more of a villain for those two to contend with sometimes. He'd hold a grudge for having his butt canned and also having been one-upped by a woman carrying a sword. Also, you'd be surprised at how well people can hide their true colors/intentions.

This is the thing I actually have issue with. Garrick isn't trying to hide his true colours at all and gains absolutely nothing by provoking a superior officer. He lacks any sort of subtly or measured knowledge of what's best for himself.

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13 minutes ago, Jotari said:

This is the thing I actually have issue with. Garrick isn't trying to hide his true colours at all and gains absolutely nothing by provoking a superior officer. He lacks any sort of subtly or measured knowledge of what's best for himself.

I mean that he hid his true colors from those who recruited him... Also, sometimes asses get off on making fun of others.

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16 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I mean that he hid his true colors from those who recruited him... Also, sometimes asses get off on making fun of others.

Yeah, but you do it to people you can get away with doing it to. This is like the tiny kid physically bullying the biggest meanest kid in the class. His behavior would be more palatable to me simply if he was of equal rank to Judo, or if he was from a foreign army so the difference in rank didn't matter.

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12 minutes ago, Jotari said:

Yeah, but you do it to people you can get away with doing it to. This is like the tiny kid physically bullying the biggest meanest kid in the class. His behavior would be more palatable to me simply if he was of equal rank to Judo, or if he was from a foreign army so the difference in rank didn't matter.

Sure, but maybe he did think he could get away with it. And remember Garrick's words were more aimed at Kelli than Judo. The only comment that was actually aimed at Judo is the one about poor taste in women.

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On 4/16/2019 at 12:56 PM, Ottservia said:

FUCKING MADE IT WITH FOUR MINUTES LEFT!!!!

The Rise of The Ice Queen

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Awakeing

Word Count: 2,537

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Dark clouds swirled above the mighty peaks of mount doom. Upon this cursed mountain sat an impenetrable fortress made of the toughest steel known to man, Defendium! Fort Bean Bean as it was called was home to the super duper evil and scary Beano The Barbarian Queen! A villain so heinous and so super duper awesomely powerful that even the masked nightwing couldn’t stop her.

 

“Mwahahahaha!!” The barbarian queen laughed maliciously, “It’s over nightwing! Now that I have the legendary Fire emblem no one can stop me!” The blue haired ‘woman’ taunted as she showed off the ‘glowing shield’ on her arm (In reality it was a little blue haired girl with a wooden pot lid loosely strapped to her arm).

 

“Nnghh N-no y-you haven’t won yet” The masked hero said weakly as he tried to struggle to his feet.

 

“Ha! Still alive are you? Well I can change that!” ‘Beano’ twisted her body into an awesome attack pose, “Special Attack: Galewing Blast!!!” She shouted as a supercharged blast of wind shot from her hand.

 

Which is what Cynthia and Gerome thought was happening anyway, in reality the little girl flapped her arms about like a bird and made ‘whoosh’ sounds with her mouth.

 

‘nightwing’s’ eyes widened in horror as the mighty gale barreled towards him. Although with his mask, it was kinda hard to tell.

 

Secret Technique: Macadeon Shield!!” A new heroic sounding voice bellowed out. Well actually it sounded more like a little girl’s scream in reality.

 

Just then, a massive energy barrier swirled into existence in front of nightwing. The wind blast slammed into the barrier at full force as debris and even nightwing were blown back by the sheer force of the attack. As the dust cleared, two new people came into view. One was a orange-haired man garbed in an impressive sword master uniform emblazoned with many awesome looking accessories that would honestly take too much time to really describe so just know that he looked really really cool. The other was a woman with short red hair that wore something akin to a grandmaster’s robes but with much more visual flare that would be boring to fully describe.

 

“Looks like we made it in time” The redhead breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Ha! Magnificent work my crimson haired valkyrie!” The sword master said to his most fated ally.

 

The barbarian queen’s jaw dropped “Impossible!? How could you have stopped my ultimate technique?!”

 

“Your mighty winds stand no chance against the defensive power of the Macedeon Shield!” Owain dark boasted.

 

“But how could you have mastered such a powerful technique?!”

 

 Morg-...er Marc the mysterious smirked as she finished healing her downed comrade, “don’t underestimate the power of the Justice Cabal”

 

nightwing and Owain Dark both nodded, “That’s right now prepare yourself Beano the Barbarian Queen! You will now witness our true power first hand!” The great hero of darkness said as he unsheathed the legendary dark blade Missiletainn!

 

“Wait…” Beano took a step back.

 

Well actually the kid just held up a small stick he found outside but it was a really cool stick ok. It had a handle and it was all thick and perfect for swinging and everything.

 

Owain dark glanced back at his two comrade in arms, “are you guys ready?” he said all cool like.

 

“Yeah”

 

“Of course”

 

All three of them struck a synchronized pose with their sti...er ladl....(no that’s not right either)...they all struck a synchronized pose with their legendary weapons!

 

“Now, Missiletainn!”

 

“Gulbulg!”

 

“Wulf Borg!”

 

ULTIMATE COMBINATION ATTACK: TRI-

 

“Wait TIMEOUT!!” Cynthia suddenly interjected and made a ‘T’ with her arms. The imaginary world crumbled away as legendary weapons of awesome power were replaced with plain old sticks and kitchen utensils.

 

“Aww come on Cynthia we were just about to unleash our super awesome combo move” Owain lamented as he turned to face his cousin.

 

“Yeah Cynthia come on” Morgan interjected. “It was gonna be so cool, right Gerome?” She glanced over at the burgundy haired boy beside her.

 

Gerome nodded, “Yeah we would’ve won for sure”

 

Cynthia’s cheeks puffed out into a pouty face, “you would’ve won because you have three people on your side while I’m just alone” She crossed her arms, “It isn’t fair”

 

“Well we’re the heroes and heroes always have super awesome allies at their side!” Owain said as he turned to Gerome and Morgan for confirmation.

 

Morgan nodded, “Yeah Owain is right heroes have to have friends to help them or else they can’t be heroes or at least that’s what daddy tells me”

 

“Well bad guys can have allies too, right?” Cynthia asked as she continued to pout.

 

Gerome shook his head, “No, bad guys don’t have friends because they’re bad guys and no one wants to be friends with a bad guy”

 

“I still think it’s not fair” Cynthia said as she turned her eyes away in defeat, “I want a really cool combo move too”

 

“I know!” Owain spoke up again, “Why doesn’t beano join the justice cabal and become a hero that way we can all have a super special awesome combo move!”

 

Cynthia’s face lit up as she looked back at Owain, “Really? Beano can join the justice Cabal?!”

 

“Of course,” He nodded.

 

“Yeah it’ll be just like Camus from the storybooks” Morgan clapped her hands together as she beamed a smile at Cynthia, “He was once a bad guy but after he was defeated he came back as a hero that helped the hero-king marth”

 

“Didn’t he have a different name though?” Gerome raised an eyebrow.

 

Morgan nodded, “Yeah but that makes it even cooler because it’s like you’re a new person now that you’re not a bad guy anymore”

 

“I guess”

 

“What are you talking about it’s totally cool!” Owain cut in.

 

Cynthia smiled, “Alright! I will no longer be Beano the Barbarian Queen so from this day forth I shall be known as…” The little princess ran on top of a nearby rock and struck a pose, “CYNTHIA THE GALEWING STRIKER!!!

 

“Awesome” Morgan said in awe.

 

“You look like a true hero up there” Gerome added.

 

Cynthia blushed for a moment after hearing those words, “Aww thanks guys” Cynthia hopped off the rock.

 

“It’s good to have you CYNTHIA THE GALEWING STRIKER!” Owain Dark said as he held out his hand. “With you at our side the justice cabal will be stronger than it ever has been!”

 

“I won’t disappoint you” The galewing striker said as she returned the handshake.

 

So then after a long fought and grueling battle, Rays of sun shone over the remnants of the once powerful Fort Bean Bean which was now nothing more than a pile of rubble. Beano the Barbarian Queen was defeated and has now joined the powerful Justice Cabal in their fight for justice as Cynthia the Galewing Striker! All was well until Marc the mysterious raised a new problem

 

“So who do we fight now?”

 

The other three just raised an eyebrow at her.

“I mean Beano was the only bad guy the justice cabal had so now that she’s joined us what bad guy do we fight now?”

 

“That’s a good question” Owain said as he put his hand to his chin in thought.

 

“Can’t we just fight imaginary bad guys?” Cynthia asked.

 

Gerome shook his head, “That would be boring”

 

“Yeah you’re right” Her pigtails drooped.

 

For several minutes, all four kids stood there thinking.

 

“What are you all doing out here?” A familiar voice asked.

 

“Hey Severa” Morgan chirped as she ran up to her older sister. “We’re playing justice cabal, wanna play with us?”

 

Severa looked down at Morgan’s smiling face and then at the other kids, “Why should I waste my time playing with all of you?”

 

“It’ll be loads of fun, you could be the new bad guy we fight” Cynthia chirped. “You would be the uhh…”

 

“The Freezing Ice Queen!” Owain suddenly cut in. “You would super cool ice powers like whoosh and freeze!” he said making a bunch of random yet cool attack poses

 

Gerome nodded, “Yeah come on join us”

 

“Sounds lame” Severa scoffed, “And why would I want to be the bad guy?! Don’t they always lose?!”

 

“Aww come on Sev play with us” Morgan pleaded, “I’ll even be on your side for a little while”

 

Severa crossed her arms, “No way besides I have real training to do and have no time for any of this stupid pretend stuff”

 

“Nuh-uh, the Justice Cabal is serious business! And not ‘stupid pretend stuff’” Cynthia shot back.

 

Severa let out a light chuckle, “I don’t see how shouting a bunch of weird and stupid attack names can be considered serious business”

 

“Well even if you don’t want to be the bad guy, you’re certainly acting like one” Gerome said as he crossed his arms.

 

“What did you say?!” Severa shot a glare at the raven-haired boy.

 

“You heard me” He glared back. 

 

“Yeah Gerome’s right!” Owain joined in.

 

“Yeah she wouldn’t make for a very good enemy anyway!” Cynthia stuck her tongue out.

 

Severa’s glare darted to Cynthia, “I’d be the best darned enemy your little ‘Justice Cabal’ has EVER faced!!”

 

“Then prove it!” Cynthia shot back

 

“Fine! I will! But don’t even think for second I’m gonna have fun playing with you!” She spat with a huff as she grabbed a nearby stick. “Prepare to feel Hel’s wrath” She said in an almost bone-chilling voice.

 

-----

 Ahem so picking up where they last left off, the Justice Cabal had not only defeated Beano the Barbarian Queen but also recruited her into their ranks. However, evil never rests as soon a new enemy would approach.

 

The sunlight over mount doom faded into specs as an icy breeze glazed through the air. Dark clouds loomed overhead as a storm of ice and snow began to sweep through the wind.

 

“What’s going on? why did it get so cold?” Owain Dark asked as he looked up at the dark clouds looming overhead.

 

“The wind is so irregular” The galestriker observed as she held her hand out in front of her. “I can’t find any patterns in it”

 

“This ice I’ve seen it before it’s…”

 

“What is it Marc?” nightwing asked.

 

“Only one being could make ice and snow this cold it can only be…” Just before Marc the Mysterious could finish her sentence, a torrential blizzard focused in a beam struck the summit and separated the justice cabal.

 

“Mwahahahaha” A malicious laughter rang from the beyond the heavens. Through the clouds, a woman with twintails on a snow white pegasus descended from the clouds. Her hair was the color of snow as it flowed endlessly in the wind. “So this is the famed ‘Justice Cabal’ how pathetic”

 

A spark of light glimmered from the snow covered peak.

 

SPECIAL ATTACK: GALEFORCE AETHER!!!!” Shouted a female voice.

 

The ice queen glanced down as Cynthia rocketed towards her on a pegasus of her own. A bright yellow aura coated her body as she held out her spear.

 

The queen scoffed, “what a pitiful display” She said as she held out her hand. “Hel’s shield!” the surrounding snow all swirled around her hand until a giant shield formed in front of her.

 

The ‘GALEFORCE AETHER!!!! Collided with the ‘Hel’s Shield’(really a stick smacked a pot lid) as a massive shockwave nearly shook the heavens.

 

The ice queen smirked, “Impressive but....” With her other free hand, she reached into the clouds and pulled out a really cool looking sword of ice, “ICEWING BLADE!!” She shouted as she brought the sword down on the famed galewing striker.

 

Cynthia and her pegasus crashed into the side of the mountain at near blinding speed. A massive crater formed where she fell.

 

“Cynthia!!” Owain Dark called out to his new comrade. “Come on you guys we have to use our ultimate combo move” He glanced back to Nightwing and Marc who had just found the strength to get up.

 

“Right”

 

“You got it”

 

All three of them gathered and held up their sacred weapons.

 

“Missiletainn!”

 

“Gulbulg!”

 

“Wulf Borg!”

 

ULTIMATE COMBINATION ATTACK: WEAPON TRIAD SUPER BEAM!!!!

 

A massive beam of energy erupted from the tips of their weapons and launched itself at the snow-haired valkyrie in the sky.

 

“An impressive attack but it won’t be enough to stop me!” She shouted as she pointed her sword down at them, “HEL’S WRATH!!!” She yelled as a torrential focused hail beam fired from her sword.

 

The two attacks collided in massive explosion that shook the very earth itself. As the dust cleared, the Ice Queen was nowhere to be found.

 

“D-did we get her?” Asked Nightwing.

 

“I-I think s-” Marc said before a giant icicle dove from the sky and through her chest.

 

“Marc” Nightwing and Owain Dark shouted in unison.

 

HEL’S RAIN” A familiar voice bellowed from the sky as a flurry of giant icicles hailed from the sky.

 

Immediately the two remaining heroes moved to dodge the hailstorm of death. Owain Dark was able to evade with ease. Nightwing on the other hand due to his wounds wasn’t so lucky.

 

“Nightwing!” Owain Dark called out to his old friend.

 

“Go on w-without me” He said before collapsing to the floor.

 

“No”

 

“Mwahahahahah!!” Owain Dark shot a stone cold glare at the ice queen hovering in the sky. “How pathetic, I knew you were no match for me but this is just pitiful” She looked down at the swordmaster and continued to laugh.

 

Owain gulped and looked down at his right arm swathed in bandages and weird markings. He swore to never use that power again lest he lose control but...He looked back up at the ice queen. Now he had no choice. No way was he going to defeat with the bloodthirsty power of his cursed sword hand. Gritting his teeth, The swordmaster tore away the bandages on his arm as a massive surge of power and energy began to billow forth from his body.

 

The ice queen glanced down with a raised eyebrow, “What’s going on now?”

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

There were so many more ideas I wanted to implement but had to cut due to time. All in all it's a bit sloppy and rough but I think it's alright

You described Gerome's hair as both burgundy and raven, and I have doubts that Camus' return would have been recorded in the history books, but over all a nice cute little piece. Imaginative an fun. Don't have anything more specific to say. Good job getting it in on time.

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On 4/17/2019 at 7:49 AM, Anacybele said:

Kinda surprises me since every other round had several people do so.

I've only had time to read Otts and Jotari's so far, I should be able to get the rest by tonight. I don't usually have much in the manner of critiquing, though, I usually read for the sake of reading and worry about what might have been wrong with it later.

 

On 4/17/2019 at 8:37 AM, Azure in a Roundabout said:

Maybe since we have noobs here (including me), how about a more beginner-friendly prompt next time?

That's gonna depend entirely on who gets this round. Convince whoever it is to do a beginner-friendly prompt(and hope their idea of a beginner-friendly prompt is the same as yours) and you got it.

17 hours ago, TheSilentChloey said:

@Dragoncat, Thanks for the lols mate XD bonus points for the line Freddie pulled off XD:

 

16 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Yeah that thing is glorious right? GLORIOUS I SAY.

If either of you are familiar with YuGiOh the Abridged Series, there's a video on YouTube where LittleKuriboh, the guy who made YGOTAS, put Episode 1's script through that and read it out, doing all the voices. Hearing Kaiba drop the 'Blue-Peeps Whitey Draguhn' left me on the floor laughing for about five straight minutes.

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29 minutes ago, Jotari said:

You described Gerome's hair as both burgundy and raven, and I have doubts that Camus' return would have been recorded in the history books, but over all a nice cute little piece. Imaginative an fun. Don't have anything more specific to say. Good job getting it in on time.

When I described gerome’s hair as “raven” I was more so thinking about the style of his hair something similar to ash’s hairstyle maybe but burgundy. I suppose I could’ve made that more clear. 

On the camus thing yeah I thought about that as well but what made me keep it was the fact that it had been 2,000 years since that time period during which many conspiracies and such would’ve surfaced and been disputed kinda like john wilque booth(probably misspelled that)

Edited by Ottservia
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So I've been working on A Dragon's First Mission and the word count has jumped to 7, 222 at the last check and it's not even close to finished.  I'm thinking it's MA so be prepared for some disturbing stuff...

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